Why Smart Men Make Stupid Decisions

Today, we're going to talk about how to be less stupid. That feels like a lot of pressure to me. Why smart men still make stupid decisions. Dad, have you ever made a stupid decision? Never. Not once in my entire life. Not one time, no. My friend and I, one night we were bored and we shot Roman Candles bottle rockets at the campus cop. Bought your mom a vacuum cleaner for her birthday. Somebody brings chicken wings to your door. Amen. We didn't know. It was our first earthquake. Maybe not for breakfast, but breakfast tacos. I lit candles all over the house. Blow those candles out immediately. You're going to blow up this whole family. I'd say most of my dumbest decisions all involve fire. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the Gaining Ground Podcast, where we're all about helping men grow. My name is Landon and I'm here with my dad, Drew. Hello, everybody. Dad, how are you doing today? I'm good. I'm good. Excited about episode four, huh? I'm excited. I'm pumped. On that note, I just want to start with a thank you. Thank you for all the wonderful feedback. Thanks for listening to this. Thanks for buying in.

I told you how goofy I felt saying this in episode one or two. I can't remember which one it was. If you haven't yet, if you could subscribe and rate this on wherever you're listening to it, that would be super helpful. Hope you share it with a friend. We wanted this to be as helpful and far reaching as possible. Sincerely, thank you. Thank you. It means a lot to me and obviously to you. Absolutely. Today, we're going to talk about how to be less stupid. That feels like a lot of pressure to me. How to be less stupid, right? Pressure's on. Why smart men still make stupid decisions, right? Is there something that can decrease the amount of time that I spend thinking, I wish I wouldn't have done that? I think that's something we all can relate to. The truth is, again, we're all about growing. I want to do less stupid things today than I did yesterday, but I want to grow in that reality. Thankfully, there is something that helps us do that. There is good news. We'll talk about what it is and how to find it. Before you jump into that, dad, have you ever made a stupid decision? Never. Not once in my entire life. Not one time, no. Yes. Yes, I have.

What would you say are your top three dumbest decisions ever? That's impossible. How would you possibly come up with that? Worst sins you've ever committed. Just kidding. I don't know. I'm just thinking recently, I recently bought your mom a vacuum cleaner for her birthday. That was not a great decision. That wasn't real smart. Your sister ran interference and sent me to Kendra Scott at the last minute. What was her reaction to that? She actually liked it. It was a nice vacuum cleaner. But I just, I don't know, you know. I added the Kendra Scott thing. That's good. You know, my mind wandered back to Bible college many, many moons ago. My friend and I, one night we were bored. And so we shot, we got on the top, the roof of the dormitory and we shot Roman candles and bottle rockets at the campus cop. Did he ever, did you get caught? He was just like looking around, you know, and there was one dude that I think kind of knocked on us because we did get in trouble. We got sent into the Dean's office. At Bible college? Yeah, I did. I thought it was going to get kicked out. I would say, I'd say most of my dumbest decisions all involve fire. Well, it's funny because I had one more thing came to mind that almost involved fire. You, you, you don't remember this cause you were a baby, but we lived in 1996.

We lived in Los Angeles and we were there for the Northridge earthquake. No, 1994. Well, yeah, yeah. I think it was. Yeah. Cause I was in a crib. I remember you telling me the story. Yeah, you were. And you talk about a dumb decision. We didn't know it was our first earthquake. And so terrible earthquake, like 8.2 earthquake, you know, everything's dishes are shattered. Furniture's just toppled over. So we get all the kids and we put them, we put them under the dining room table. That wasn't the big mistake, but there was no electricity. So the place was dark. It's like four 30 in the morning. Okay. And I lit candles all over the house. Just candles. So we could see. And, uh, our, our pastor Dudley Rutherford came up to check on us and he walked in. He goes, blow those candles out immediately because of the gas leaks. Yeah. And he's like, you're going to blow up this whole family. And like, I almost blew up my whole family. You know, that reminds me of that scene in Christmas vacation, where she's smoking a cigar and throws it. What does he say? I'm that nitroglycerin plant. Yeah, that's awful.

We can't repeat what Randy Quaid said, but anyway. Well, I've done some dumb things too. Like one is, you know, believe in Texas A&M football won't break my heart every single year. Uh, I mean, there's, there's a. whole bunch, right? Obviously the silly stuff or the goofy stuff were, uh, fire, but then also, um, real things, real things that lead to real consequences or, or just stuff that leaves me sitting in my truck or, or laying in bed at night going, gosh, why did I do that? And we're going to talk about what that is and also how to do that less. So, um, it's something today that, that every man needs, but not every man pursues. Uh, and that word, that concept is something called wisdom, wisdom. All right. And, and the good news is, um, Wisdom isn't reserved for the brilliant or the lucky. And when I think about wisdom, I think about like, like, like Gandalf from Lord of the Rings or like Dumbledore or, you know, CS Lewis, right? Yeah. It is. It's like a, it's like a, a, a, a weathered gray haired man who's lived a lot of life and has great stories to tell. And I think that's true. But what we want to talk about today is that wisdom is actually available to anyone, anyone, any man who's humble enough to ask for it. We didn't come up with that idea. Um, we get it from the Bible. Yep. Get it from the Bible. And we're going to talk about three ways to build wisdom. Uh, and, uh, this, this idea of asking for wisdom and God given it comes from none other than Jesus's brother. So Jesus had a half brother, um, half because of the whole, you know, like immaculate conception thing. Shout out to James too, by the way, that's pressure. Brother of Jesus. Yeah. Cause you imagine, can you imagine? You think he was ever just like, man, I could never live up to you. Jesus was like, you're right. Yeah. I wonder if Joseph ever used that as leverage. Like, why don't you be like your brother? Anyway, anyway, James one verse five says, if any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously, right? So God wants to give you wisdom and that's, that's really, really good news. So, so dad, let's talk about, first of all, what is wisdom? How would you define wisdom?

Well, it's interesting because when you look at scripture and you look almost at how scripture defines wisdom, it's kind of different than what you and I think about. I mean, we always think about intelligence, IQ, intellect. It's a little more practical than that. It's, um, it's about living skillfully in the reality of God. And that's a line, right? Okay. We'll go, we'll go for the theological geeks here. The Hebrew word for wisdom, hawk, hawk, ma hawk. Yeah. You're hawking something up. Hawkma. That's a good way to remember it. It means, uh, skillful living, like shrewdness. Um, um, practical insight, almost, it almost like common sense. So it's, it's, it's speaking to like, like life as a whole, right. And, and, and like being an artist who builds something. Well, the origin of the word is that the artisans who, uh, they use that word to depict the artisans who crafted the tabernacle. You could go back to Exodus three 31. In other words, wisdom is the art of applying God's truth to everyday life, to be, uh, practical, to be shrewd, to be smart, to be skillful in the way you're thinking. Wisdom is the ability to make the right decision at the right time in the right way. So it's, it's not always about like being a smart guy or knowing all the answers. Thank God. It's, it's, it's, it's quite honestly, it's the ability to run God's playbook for life. It is right. So, so right decision, right time, um, um, right way. And, and the truth is, is I don't know how many decisions we make every single day, but the answer is a lot, right? You got decisions for work, you got decisions for your family and your relationships. And I think sometimes where I get stuck is, is, you know, I want to be a person of faith and somebody who follows Jesus. So it's like, well, God, what do I do? And what do you do if God doesn't give you a clear direction, right? He doesn't give you a burning bush that says, go this way, do this thing. And sometimes like the decisions that we make and how wisdom can help us is like, it's not always a moral decision. Okay. And one of my favorite quotes from, from a pastor named Tim Keller, who passed away a couple of years ago, was up in New York. Man, I love that. I miss that guy. I didn't know him personally, but I can't wait to meet him

in heaven one day, who is like modern Christianity's Yoda, in my opinion. Yeah. Or C.S. Lewis. He has this quote that says, wisdom is knowing the right thing to do. This is brilliant. Wisdom is doing the right thing to do in the 80% of life situations where the moral rules don't clearly apply. Okay. I love that. Because, because that's probably true of like, when you go to work. Most of our decisions. Right. When you go to work and you got to decide, should we go with this client or this client or, or make this decision or, or maybe even. Like you're, you're, you're parenting your kids or, or how to manage your finance. Um, wisdom allows us to have direction in that 80% and to make the best decision. Not just because sometimes you can make good decisions, but you could make the better decision. Correct. And, and he used to say like morality gives you boundaries and there's people who follow Jesus. Like, that's what we know is like, who defines our morality? Well, like the scripture does the Bible does, but wisdom helps you navigate the gray areas. Okay. Anyone can quote rules. You can memorize the rules. You can quote the rules, but wise people know when to speak, when to wait, when to forgive, when to confront, because they're led by the spirit and not their ego, okay. You can Google facts. You can read books. You can listen to podcasts. I know a lot of smart people who aren't wise. You know what I'm saying?

Absolutely. Okay. So wisdom doesn't just come from reading or researching, right. It actually comes. And I'm, I'm really interested to hear what you have to say about this, uh, like from your, who you're around and there's both scientific data to demonstrate that and, uh, from the Bible. So, so let's talk about that. Um, dad, I want you to think back to a season of your life. Like, like where you grew the most personally, spiritually, physically, wherever, who was around you in that season? Yeah, I think, um, you know, last, last spring I was at a, at a conference in, in Austin, it was called generous giving, and it was just talking about generosity. And they ask a question on the first day at our table, what are you most grateful for in life? And of course, you know, you have all the, I have an amazing wife, amazing kids and all that. But I, I said, I'm most grateful for the leaders that God has put in my path. Amen. Because they have, they changed everything for me. Uh, I, when I was 25 years old, I, I became a pastor at a church in Los Angeles and I learned under Dudley Rutherford and he's still today the greatest leader I've ever worked with. Uh, he, he's an incredible. Heck of a pickleball player also. Great pickleball player. Great. You know, Dudley used to be able to, he was a great basketball player. He could dunk two balls at one time. Something I can't do.

I cannot dunk one ball. What is he like six, five? I think he's six, six. Ridiculous. Yeah. Anyway, and he's got hops. Props to you Dudley, but Dudley, I learned so much about leadership, not just church leadership, but just how to engage with people, how to lead people. Um, and I, and I will tell you this during those 10 years I was in Los Angeles, I was a young dad, I didn't know what I was doing and, uh, sorry about that. Um, but anyway, um, there were a couple men in that church that I drafted on Dale, a guy named Dale Penn, who was an amazing father. Guy named David Cruz. And, uh, they just kind of helped give me that nudge to know what to do. I mean, you know, you know, the Eagles when they do that. Tush push with Jalen Hurts, which is just insane. They need to, they need to, they need to make that illegal. They need to ban that. But right now it's legal. They kind of pushed me into the end zone in some areas of my life. And so I'm just so grateful. And I think about men that I've worked for and even here at Compass, the church that I serve, they're just, I think about. Well, the list is long. It is long. That's the answer. And, and here's, here's why, here's why we're talking about this and here's what I want to challenge everybody listening with is look, there's that Stephen Covey quote, um, you become the, like the, you know, the, the five people you spend the most time with.

He says, choose carefully. Okay. So, so what we're, what we're talking about is, is who you choose to spend your time with determines where you end up and people are either contributing to growth in wisdom, or actually we talk about the enemy of gaining ground is drift leading you towards drift. Right? So, so relationships are, are the key to wisdom. And we're going to actually talk about, challenge you to do a relationship audit, um, a little bit later in the episode. So it doesn't matter if you try to do our three principles that we're about to talk about, if you don't believe the key idea that who you walk with. Determines who you end up with. Determines where you end up. Yeah. You know that when your dad and your kids start hanging out with people. Right. Right. But if you look at your life in the rear view mirror, you're going to be able to see seasons of your life where you grew the most, you had the right people around you, seasons where you drifted. Like where you started picking up bad habits. It's probably, uh, uh, related to who you had around you too. So, so, uh, dad, let me ask you this. Um, okay. So we talk about kids, right. And we, we know, I remember, uh, like as a, as a kid, you used to talk about who, who I would hang out with. Yeah. We know that principle for our children, but do you think it's possible that

like when we grow up and we become mature, we start to think we're immune to the influence of those people around us? Yeah, I, I, I think we do think we're immune and that is just. the folly of that kind of thinking is ridiculous. I mean, I, you know, that, that quote, Stephen Covey, you become like the five people you spend the most time with, right? So choose carefully. That's powerful. That's, this is the dynamic that can make or break your life who's influencing your life, who's influencing your heart. And, and, you know, when you guys were, when you were kids, you know, mom and I tried, I don't know that we always achieve this, but we always kind of wanted to know who you were hanging out with. So we tried to be the cool house. You know, we tried to always have a house with a pool and have food available. You want to have kids around, you gotta have food. And, but we cared so much about who our kids were spending time with. And this principle applies to kids, but it absolutely applies to adults. Like you said, we think I'm mature as an adult. I'm immune to the, to this influence because I'm a mature adult. I don't think that's true. Well, and what I've seen is, and I've experienced this in my own life

is so many of us are, and this is for the fathers listening to this, man, we are so careful about who our kids spend time with, but we don't, we don't have that level of care with who we're spending time with. Yeah, we tend to not do friendship audits when we're 35. And the reality is, is those people are still, are still affecting you. Yeah. And so we'll talk about like, like how to evaluate that and also what to do, like maybe some next steps there. But the truth is, is guys, we never outgrow that principle, right? We never, we never outgrow that principle. And I just want you to think about, like, are the people in your life helping you get where you want to go? Where you need to go to be a man after God's own heart to really gain ground to grow or are they causing you to drift? Are they holding you back? So three principles for seeking wisdom, all right? Three principles for seeking wisdom. And we're going to partner on this walkthrough, tell some stories, ask some questions. Number one, first principle for how to, how to grow in your wisdom, how to gain ground in that area is that wisdom is caught, not taught. Right.

Right, wisdom is caught, not taught. So it can be found through proximity, walking with people who are wise, who embody it. And that idea comes from Proverbs 13, 20. And I love it because I'm straightforward and I need somebody to tell me exactly what to do. And here's what Solomon says. Whoever walks with the wise, what? Becomes wise. Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise. No, it doesn't say, whoever knows a lot of stuff becomes wise. No, it says, hanging out with other people who are wise, will what? Will make you wise. The second half of that verse, I think, before you go on, I think it, you know, so what does that mean, walk with the wise? Who are you reading? You know, what are you reading? What authors are you reading? Who are you listening to? You know, who are you spending time with? When you're on the internet, how are you spending your time? How are you engaging? That's, in our world today, you have to factor that in too. Yeah, and it's like, when you hang out with your guys, all you do is sit around and complain or talk about other people.

Like, you really gotta think about that. Listen, and you also, by the way, hopefully have people around you that are helping you grow. Life is not all about talking about hobbies and fantasy football. And look, I love fantasy football. I did win a championship this year, just saying. In a league that I've been in for a very long time, all that stuff matters. But none of that is making me more wise. What's making me more wise is when I get around a table with other guys who are trying to grow and be like Christ. In the second half of that verse, Proverbs 13, 20, it says, become wise by walking with the wise. Then he says this, hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces. Watch it crumble. Hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces. That's the age old story. That can happen at work. That can happen, like maybe if you're married, the friendships that you have as couples can directly affect your marriage. And I think, man, I wanna make sure everybody hears me say this too. It would be easy to hear this and go, okay, Landon, I'm with you, right? You gotta have good people around you to make you wise. But what do I do? Like, what if that person is on my team at work

and I don't wanna fire them or they're my boss. How do I do that? There was this scripture in the book of John and Jesus obviously is the wisest person who's ever lived. And in John, this has helped me so much over the years, that there's a difference between trust, T-R-U-S-T, and in trust, E-N-T-U-R-S-T, yeah. Here's what it says Jesus did. But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man for he himself knew all people. knew what was in man. So what's the difference between trust and interest? So powerful. You can trust somebody enough to accomplish something with them at work or whatever you're putting your, like put whatever you're trying to make better or grow or pay your bills with, but that doesn't mean that you give them the keys to your life and your heart and your growth. There's a difference between trust and interest. Now, there has to be people that you entrust yourself with. Obviously, most importantly, that's your heavenly father, okay? That's like God knowing you through the Holy Spirit of God in you, but you don't have to give everyone everything. And so you got to evaluate that with friendships.

Like, all right, maybe you're around this person. Man, that doesn't mean that you need to allow them to speak into your life because they may be giving you terrible advice. I think one of the mistakes we make is we don't factor in relational equity enough in our friendships. Has this person earned the right to speak into my life? It's not about you being a better, you're not saying you're too good for them. Nope. You're just saying, have they earned the right to speak into my life? Because you need to allow a few people to speak into your life, but it needs to be the right people. It's got to be the right people. And you also don't have to go, by the way, you don't have to go home after you hear this and like break up with all your friends. Right. That's not what you're saying, but there should be, that's not what I'm saying, but there should be differences in your friends. There are some people that you can actually trust your growth to, because they're going to be honest. They're pursuing Christ. They know him personally, and they can look you in the eyes

and maybe have a correction, but also an encouragement to pull something out of you. And then there are other people, companion of fools, right? That you may just have to walk side by side in life with, but they're not going to lead you. I want to challenge everybody to do a wisdom audit. Absolutely. And here's what a wisdom audit looks like, all right? I want you to list your five closest influences. This can be friends. This can be coworkers. This can be mentors. Beside each name, I want you to write a plus or a minus. The plus being they give you life. They're helping you gain ground and grow in wisdom. The minus being they're honestly draining. And I want you to think about like one relational change that you need to make. Really what that can be? Doesn't mean you have to snub that person. No, it's just somebody that I'm going to lean into and it's somebody that I'm going to limit. Yeah, because sometimes we allow joy robbers to influence our life. Absolutely. Steal our joy. And man, I think that's one thing I'm excited about like for this podcast is I've already gotten like feedback from guys who are taking some of these principles

and taking some of these ideas and getting around tables at coffee shops and breakfast places and pickleball courts and in their homes with their families and their wives and whoever. And those are those peoples with that plus, right? They're life-giving. And what we want is for everybody to have more of that and less of the, they lead me into bad habits. I start running my mouth when I'm around them and I'm not who I want to be. So that's principle number one. What's principle number two? Principle number two is wise people are grounded people. They're grounded. They're godly. They're principled. We've said this at the beginning, son, wisdom isn't just intelligence. It's somebody once told me it's integrity applied. Ooh, wisdom is integrity applied. I like that. Integrity applied. It's knowing what's right and actually doing it. It, you know, you mentioned the brother of Jesus. That guy was pretty smart guy. I've always loved James 4, 17. If anyone then, if he knows the good he ought to do and does it do it to him, it's sin. Now that's kind of taking it to the next level.

But I think that when we know the good we ought to do, we ought to do it. That has to do with being wise. That's when you're grounded, when you're principled. And I want to point something out that you know, all of you know intuitively, there's a difference between knowledge and wisdom, right? I mean, knowledge is information, wisdom is application. And that's one of the reasons why I'm pumped that we decided to, I mean, when we decided to do wisdom, that's a pretty broad. It's broad and it can be intimidating. It's a broad lane. Yeah. And it's really hard to define wisdom for the average person. But knowledge is information, wisdom is application. Our friend, Ashley Woolridge, we mentioned him a couple episodes ago. He says, knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. You know, that's the second tomato reference that you've made over the last couple. I have. I felt like the first one went really well. I just thought I'd throw it out there again. In fact, I had some people text me that says, I like tomatoes. That was all their text said. They just showed they watched the podcast. I like forms of tomatoes.

But Ed, there's so much power in being around people that are applying wisdom to their life. Yeah. You ever be around someone, they're talking a big game, but then you look at them, and I'm probably the poor person to talk about this, but it's like when you go to a fitness center and you have somebody who wants to train you, and they're like super overweight and they're not fit. Right. And you're like, oh, man, I want to be critical here, but I'd rather learn from that guy. He's all he's cut. You know, that's all I'm talking about. So there's so much power in being around people who are applying wisdom to their life. They don't just know it. They're applying it. Because remember, like we said, values are caught more than taught. Values are caught more than taught. Do you think that's why mentors are so important? Absolutely. Because I want to learn from other people's shared experience. I want to, and I think it's good to pause and talk about mentorship. You've done amazing with that, son. I would say you've done better, honestly, than me. I think it's a generational thing.

I think I just have no... What do you mean by that? Well, you've always tried to find mentors, whether it was on your football team or, you know, I know when you were in our student ministry here, you had a guy named John Pitstick. Yeah. That was, I mean, shout out to John. He was a huge influence in your life. And not only you, but four or five other guys. And he brought you guys closer together. And I think he, more than anything, he was just present in your life. That's a big deal. Well... And then when you went to college. Yeah, there was, I mean, there was all kinds of... I mean, I could go and name, gosh, 20. And one of the things I started doing when I was at that age was just, I want to be relationally rich in my life. Yeah. Okay. And relationally rich with guys who are further ahead of me that may have accomplished more than I have, that can teach me how to do what they do. Can I say one thing to all of our dads that are watching and parents in general? We have some moms that have been watching this as well. One of the greatest things you can do for your kids as they get into those adolescent years and junior high and high school, middle school, high school, is put mentors in their path. Maybe with, even without them knowing it.

One of the things your mom and I tried to do, because sometimes kids aren't really willing. Some are, some are great with that. Sometimes kids aren't really willing to let their dad or their mom be their mentor, but they will allow themselves to be mentored by someone else. So you could say the exact same thing as somebody else, but it's going to take root with that person. Absolutely. We would say the same thing, but hearing it from somebody else. And so we tried to do that for all of you kids. Man, again, I want to be relationally rich. And, and, and for me, that's always like, like I just want to get better. I want to grow. That's, that's, that's why this podcast is a thing. And, and I think I had to get over myself a long time ago. And, and, you know, I hear like a self-made leader or, uh, I built this business. That's a Maxwell quote, right? I'll let, yeah. Maxwell says a self-made, self-made leader doesn't make much. A self-made leader doesn't make much. Okay. A self-made man, uh, doesn't make much. And, and he talks about, he says that in the context of mentorship, right? Yeah. And, and here's how he defines it. And I think it's so brilliant. Um, it's a mentor is someone who knows the way has walked the way. And is willing to show the way. Okay. Somebody who knows the way has walked away and is willing to show the way.

Okay. So, so again, again, again, integrity applied. Right. Right. Right. But how do you do that? I mean, you've been pretty good at finding mentors. How do you find them? Well, man, I think, and, and, you know, this is one of the problems we're trying to solve too, because we've had a bunch of guys actually reach out about that. Like, Hey, I want to be a mentor. How do I find the right person? And the truth is, is like, there's a part of it that's like, that's organic. Um, and then there's a part of it that, that, uh, uh, is, is almost like a, like a filtration process. Right. So, so if you're thinking about mentorship and you want to know how to choose, here's some suggestions. Okay. And this is from a friend of mine that, that helped has helped me try to find, uh, the best mentors. And then I'm going to, I'm going to talk about some of mine. Okay. Is this person, um, worthy of, of a public and private example? Okay. It doesn't matter if they're an all-star in public. If they are not in private, that that's, that's not good. Right. Number two. And this one's a really great practical one.

Are they available or are they accessible? Um, I've asked people to mentor me before that said, no. Yeah. We just didn't have the time. And it wasn't because I, uh, you know, it may have felt personal. I don't think it was, but it was just cause they, they weren't able to commit to the time. So. And then next is, do they have proven experience in the area that I want to grow? Okay. That's big. It's a huge one. Huge, huge one. Uh, this one leads, it leads to the next one. Do they possess wisdom I can learn from? Okay. Will they provide support or friendship over time? And if you're able to go, you know, yes or no through, through those questions, um, then, then I think you're going to be able to find somebody who's really great. And listen, if a good mentor is one of your relationships in your life, you think about your top five, top five, your success rate. Absolutely skyrockets. Okay. Uh, absolutely skyrockets. I appreciate you giving me props for saying that, you know, I've had always looked at good mentors. Truth is all of my mentors, all of the years were all different. They were all different. Yeah, that's fair. They weren't the same.

Some of them, some of them were, were, were business leaders. Some were pastors. Uh, some had gray hair when they're 60s, 70s and 80s. Some were in their forties. So, so what I started doing was I started looking at like, um, like, like think about like an, like an athlete that they have, uh, specifically in baseball, right? You talk about like a five tool athlete, five tool player. They've got a hit tool. They've got, what are they? Hit tool, base running, fielding, they can play defense. Long story short, every, every baseball player gets rated on all five of those things and they'll say, Hey, they have an elite hit tool. What I started looking for in mentors is I was trying to find somebody that had an elite marriage tool. Like I'd look after them and it may not be everything about their life, but they knew one thing how to do really well. And I'd find him for a season and I'd say, Hey, can you show me how you do what you do? Right. And that could be from a fitness perspective. That could be from a marriage perspective. That could be from like how you carry yourself communication. How do you communicate with your wife? How do you communicate with your wife on a stage, wherever it is? And then I'd ask them for their time. I'd ask them for their time. And, and by the way, I think one thing that's, um, that's respectful is if you also define it, Hey, would you meet me six times over the next year and just give them an expectation so that way they're able to get everything out of, they're able to commit as much as they can to it.

Right. And here's why I did that because I knew that I'm not good enough, strong enough, smart enough in my own natural instinct to grow at the rate that I would hope for. But if I could learn something from somebody else, that's been there, done that, that loves Jesus, that has run that race, or at least started to run that race, man, then like sky's the limit. And, and, you know, this is actually like proven by science. I read something in a medical journal, which makes me sound a lot more smarter than I am. I'm not that, you know, I don't read medical journals very often. Sounds good though, man. Yeah, it does sound good. But this was like the Northeast journal of medicine and they looked at 12,000 people, 12,000 people over a 32 year span. That's a pretty lengthy study. So it has some legs. And what they discovered was the exact same thing the Bible tells us. You will mirror the people you spend the most time with period. Yeah. Okay. So Stephen Covey says we're the average of our five closest friends, medical journal, and the Bible says it right. Cause dad, what's that verse? Proverbs 13, 20 says. Become wise by walking with the wise, hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces. And here's the truth. It's almost impossible to live the right life with the wrong friends. Ooh, that's a good line. It's impossible to live the right life with the wrong friends.

Write that down. It's almost impossible to live the right life with the wrong friends. That's why it's so critical as a parent. You've got to be able to pay attention to who your kids are hanging out with. And, and I know high school is not forever and all that, but it, it, kids pick up principles and they pick up methods from other kids and it's, it's a dangerous, it's a slippery slope. We worried about all the time. And you know, when you kids were little, social media wasn't really present then. Yeah. Social media is one of those things that actually, you know, it can be a parent's worst nightmare. It can also be your best friend. Cause you can learn a lot about a kid on social media, about kids that your kids are hanging out with. Yeah. That that's so incredibly tough and it can be a real fine line to walk. But, but at the end of the day, if you're a parent, man, you're responsible for your kids are around. Like that's, that is a part of your job. And, and even if they resist that, even if they resist it, and some kids will, at the end of the day, what are you protecting them from? And, and it can, it can, it can, it can matter so much because, because like the Bible tells us that bad company corrupts good character. That's right. First Corinthians 15, 33. In fact, I've. Pretty sure Paul says before that, he says, don't be misled. Don't be misled.

Bad company corrupts, corrupts good character. In your world, you meet plenty of people who are smart, skilled, even successful, but not all of them are wise. I once heard somebody say failure is, uh, is, is when you're successful at things that don't even matter. You can be successful, but if, does it matter? You know, as I'm thinking through this too, it's like, we've talked about parenting and kids a lot, but the truth is again, just to come back to men specifically, it's not just your kids that have to evaluate this stuff, your relationships, growing wisdom, that's you too. Okay. Bad company corrupts good morals. Um, I met with a pastor one time, he's up in New York, he's planting a church. Uh, his name's Chris Durso. Um, and, uh, he, he had, he named his church after this verse in first Corinthians 15, but kind of in a positive light, it's called good company church. Good company. And, and their tagline is if bad company corrupts good morals, then what could good company do? What could it do? What could good company do? I like that. And man, I think it's so brilliant because the truth is y'all, when we get around people who are walking in the same direction and it's the right direction, you're following Jesus, you're gaining ground, you know, you're building your life, man, man, your success rate goes through the roof and by the way, your enjoyment in your life does. Okay. But if we're not careful, we're not careful. I think we can almost buy into, especially for those of us who maybe don't feel

like we have good friends around us or, or I would love to do what, what you're saying, but man, I don't know who those people are, right. Wisdom principle. Number three. Isolation is the enemy of growth. Some people don't have any friends. Okay. Isolation is the enemy of growth. Okay. And, and we live in this area of digital, like digital convenience. And so many, so many things are good about that. Like last nor, last night I, I door dashed Wingstop. Okay. That, that was amazing. Praise God for that. It's a religious experience. I didn't even have to leave. Somebody brings chicken wings to your door. Amen. All right. You can work remotely, order food, you know, socialize. Did you do dry rub or did you do like saucy stuff? I did, uh, we did lemon pepper, lemon pepper, which I think is a dry rub from Wingstop and then we did, uh, mild wings, which are, are amazing as well. So really, really good. I like the Korean barbecue. Oh, we almost got those. We almost got those. And the ranch is the best at Wingstop for sure. Ranch is great on everything.

Yeah. Ranch is good on everything. You can put it on a rubber hose and maybe not for breakfast, but breakfast tacos. I've never eaten it for breakfast. I don't think. Okay. So look, here's what we're saying. Growth happens in a circle. Okay. It happens in a circle. It's what we're doing right now. Right. It's what we're planning to do for, for gaining ground. If you do not have good people around you, you can find them through this. Yeah. Okay. And by the way, I think that's a prayer that God is more than willing to answer. Like isolation, okay. Is not God's design for your life. He's a good father who gives good gifts and he's willing to bring good people in your life who are helping you grow. And when you've got good people around you, you grow in wisdom. Another one from Proverbs, whoever isolates himself, seeks his own desire. He breaks out against all sound judgment. And I think Proverbs 18, one temptation for men. And I'm kind of this way is like, dude, what if I don't like people? You know, uh, people are dumb. People are stupid. I've been burned before. Every man faces a choice.

Every person faces a choice, isolation or community, self-sufficiency or humility. Um, noise or wisdom. The more you climb the ladder in leadership, the lonely it gets. I can tell you that. I mean, I, I, you know, I lead a pretty, I, I'm a servant leader in a pretty large organization. And as our church has grown and as our ministry has grown and expanded, it, it does get a little lonelier. Yeah. Yeah. And then, you know, it goes back to what you said about Jesus. You have to entrust people with something that you've helped build. But not everybody, just a few. Just a few. Yeah. So guys, I think all in all, like what we hope you get from this and we're going to wrap this thing up is it is our responsibility to look at the people around us because they are, whether we admit it or not, helping direct the destination that we're going to end up. And we've got to ask by God's grace and wisdom, are they helping us grow or are they causing us to drift? Right. And the adventure, the opportunity in front of each and every one of us is you are responsible for your growth. Yeah. Right. You are responsible for your growth. You're responsible for who you spend your time with. And there are people who can help you get better. That will never.

ever happen if you take a Lone Ranger mentality and you try to do this on your own. It just won't happen. I've tried to do that before, it's never worked. Leadership isn't about being the smartest person in the room, it's about surrounding yourself with people who can make you wise. So keep walking with the wise, keep learning, keep growing, keep seeking, keep praying, keep asking God for wisdom. Because every time you do, you're gaining ground. Gaining ground. Every single time. Guys, it's been an honor to be with you today. I hope this podcast has been helpful. We'll be back with you another time. Thank you. Hey, thanks for joining us on the Gaining Ground Podcast. If you enjoyed today's content, it would help us a ton. If you could like this video, click the subscribe button and turn on your notifications so you never miss an episode. If you're looking for more resources or how to get connected, please feel free to look in the description below and find our website, gaininggroundmen.com. We'd love to connect with you there. We'll see you next time.