Don't WASTE Your Life Chasing Success (It's NOT Worth It!)

doesn't depend on you. Stopping is an act of trust. I think that not resting is actually a sign of immaturity. How many of you have kids that love to go to bed on time, right? You guys would argue and complain and come up with every excuse in the book where you need to stay up and not rest. I'm just saying that's the kind of behavior that children have. And then when you get older, you get more mature, you realize that rhythm is a gift that you need rest. I'm going to have intentional moments in my life where I work, where I run, and when I stop. And sometimes, you know, if there's 100% of you, it may be more or less of each of those things in a particular season. But what you can't have is redlining all the time because that's going to lead to a place where you're a part of that burnout statistic. Well, welcome back to the Gaining Ground podcast. We're all about helping men grow. My name is Landon, and it's always an honor to be your host. And I've got with me my faithful co-host. He's back on this episode. Dad, what's up back? Yeah, we missed you last time. We missed you last time. I'm glad it's nice to be missed. Well, I'm serious. It really was. It was a great conversation with Brandon Aubrey. Loved it. Which, by the way, if you guys don't mind, and this would be super duper helpful, we love hearing stories of this podcast being shared and reaching all kinds of men all over the country, which is just amazing. Thank you so much. If you haven't yet, please. If you could like and subscribe this podcast, that would be hugely helpful. Spent a while since I've asked that. Just helps us reach more men. So thanks a bunch. All right, here's what I want to talk about today. You ever wonder what you're thinking about your life in 30 years? Yeah, but I mean, it's more like 15 years. 30 years now, probably. Well, you'll be 87. I'll be 89. 89. Yeah. Well, no, here's why I asked that question. I hope I'm upright and breathing. Here's why I asked that question because legacy is a big deal, right? It's a big deal. And faithfulness is a big deal. And living a life that counts is a big deal. And yet I look around our cultural landscape. And part of the reason why we even have this podcast is because there's a bunch of men who are trying to answer the question of purpose. Why are they here? What are they doing? Are you doing something that counts? And I think that you probably start asking those questions like when you get out of your parent's house and you start trying to really contribute to the world. And I think a lot of us have a misaligned definition of what success actually looks like. And the truth is, is the more I've thought and like, you know, I'm 32, it'll be 33 this summer. I think my life goal

is to be a faithful old man with gray hair. That's proud of how I followed Jesus and led my family. And I don't know that I would have answered that question that way. You know, five years ago, maybe even two years ago. And I think there's probably some people listening to this right now that if I were to ask you that question, you know, what do you hope your life looks like in 30 years? I don't know. My family doesn't want for anything financially. I was able to put my mark or build a brand on something. I think that's a good thing. I think a lot of guys would say financially free. Financially free. And there's nothing wrong with that. But at the end of the day, what matters most? And so that's what I want to talk about today. You know, part of the reason why I've got you on here is because you're further ahead than me in the journey. So let's talk about success for just a moment. What did success look like for you when you were like, I don't know, 25 or 30? And what do you think it looks like for you now? Well, I think, you know, first of all, I was a young father. I was a dad when I was 22. So that was like an awakening. Yeah, that's pretty early for me immediately. I had to grow up real quick. And success was just taking care of my wife and my baby, which was your sister Hannah. So I don't think I ever thought about it. I think we were, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, you got two, you got two kids under the age of five, man, you just, you just wanted to, you know, make today work. And so I think that I don't think when I was 25, I thought too far ahead. I think I was just thinking living for the day. And I was a youth pastor in a large church, and we were understaffed and I was super busy. So I don't know. I, I think probably, I'm guessing I that it's hard to even see the light at the end of the tunnel or into the future or think about what's happening. Just survival mode. Yeah. And I think there's probably a lot of guys that are in that right now, okay? So that was what it looked like then. What does success look like for you now? Well, I think it's what you mentioned. I mean, I want, I wanna know that what I did that my life counted, that mattered, that impacted people, that people, that the life that I lived

and the work that I did led to transformation in others. And I think that's, you know, I will tell you this, it's funny, your mom and I, we were watching that show "The Madison." I never seen that show. What is that? No, I don't remember. It's like Kurt Russell and, 'cause I always thought he was kind of cool, you know? And he's sitting on this rock and chair at a cabin in Montana, and he's talking about his whole life. Okay, that might be what I want in 30 years, for what it's worth. Yeah, the problem is he died in sitting on a front porch in a cabinet like that. The problem is he dies in the first episode. Wow, that sucks. That's such a bummer. It's a buzzkill because he was really cool. Never mind. He's fly fishing with his brother. He's fly fishing with his brother and it's just awesome. And then they get into a storm and they're playing crashes and he dies. But anyway, he just talked about, he made all this money and did all these things and built all these buildings and built this business. And he's like, I don't have anything to show for it except for a big old bank account. And it's like, I looked over to your mom and I said,

I'm so, I feel so fulfilled because I know that when I go to work every day, that what I do does matter. Yeah. That's what I want for every guy listening on this podcast. Well, and I wanna make sure you guys know this like, 'cause there could be a thought. Well, yeah, Drew, okay, fine. But you're a pastor, you work for God. There's an eternal consequence in your job or what you do every day. But for me, I'm not sure what that looks like. And so I wanna talk for the next few minutes about something that I actually think is contributing to this feeling of question mark of like, what is my purpose and am I doing the right thing? And am I gonna be 30 years down the road from right now, wherever I'm at or 10 years down the road, whatever the marker is based on your season that you're in thinking, did what I do counted. And I actually think it has to do with the pace we run life at. A hundred percent. And what I mean by that and actually think it's interesting, the 25-year-old me had to face something, the 25-year-old you did not, which is the pace of culture is way different. And it's way different because of technology, right? Well, I didn't have to deal with social media. Exactly.

And so like the reality of anyone at today's age that's and whether you're 18 years old, you just got out of high school, you're starting in the college or workforce or you've been in the workforce for a bunch of years and now you're having to adapt. Most of us are living in this like we're always on, we're always available, we're always producing, right? My job, I'd spend most of my time on my phone, my email, it's what I do. I'm in the people business for lack of a better phrase. And so it's really easy to be addicted to like just constantly doing things. And the truth is the dangerous part is that doesn't feel unhealthy. At first, it actually feels responsible. Yeah, it feels like you're, I mean, I'm a mover and a shaker here. I'm getting stuff done. But here's what, I did some research for this. Others was interesting. You know, Gallup, they do those polls, real reputable place says two out of every three people in the U.S. say they're burned out. Okay, two out of every three. Some studies say it's even higher, closer to 80%, and just to define like what burnout is, okay? And again, I'm talking about purpose, living a life of purpose where you're an old man in a rocking chair, you got something to look at

and you're thinking, hey, I lived a good life. And addressing the burnout you got right now. So those two things are connected. So what is burnout? Burnout is how burnout is a symptom resulting from chronic workplace stress or life stress that has not been successfully managed. Yeah. Okay, and there's obviously the personal life in your vocational life, one vocational life note. Again, this is from Gallup. 70% of people say they're dealing with high stress at their job. And here's where it gets real, it doesn't stop at work. And Dad, you even alluded to this right when you're talking about being a young dad and having, This is crazy. 92% of working parents say they're burned out. 92% of working parents say they're burned out. - I believe it because you come home from work and then your wife, let's say your wife stays at home that you know, or maybe she works too and the kids are in daycare and then you come home but let's say she's a stay at home mom. She's exhausted when you get home and then she's handing you the kid and you're not quite ready because you're pretty tired from work. So man, it can be or other way around like, you know,

she's working and you've been watching the kids all day. I mean, well, Mackenzie and I did both, right? When we were both working and picked the kids up from daycare that's a really hard way to go, right? There's good things about it. There's downsides obviously. And then now she's, she does stay at home full time but she's part time and yes, 100%. There is a feeling of I feel like I can't get my head above water for sure, okay? But here's my point. Living your life that way can lead to a place where you're burned out and exhausted and you don't know why and you don't know how you got here. And so there has to be some sort of fix, okay? And I think it's worth our time to consider what that fix is because the truth is if you look in the Bible, there is absolutely nothing that would suggest faithfulness is burning yourself out for Jesus, okay? That you cannot find that in the New Testament, okay? What you can find is what faithfulness looks like. Faithfulness for the long haul, okay? I think we confuse busy with effective, okay? And we've actually, I think normalized burnout just because of the reality of the world we live in. So, okay, we kind of normalize an unsustainable pace. I mean, everything is on all the time. I get texts and emails and Slack notifications and all that stuff, but it feels like 24 hours a day.

Technology has, I think, erased our stopping points. You know what I noticed that the most? Okay, some of you will be able to relate to this. When I was a kid and we had a snow day, you remember how we found out? We'd be sitting around the TV and you're praying for a cancellation, right? And you watch your on WFFA or whatever and you see your school district come across. This grows, this grows. And it says, you know, whatever ISD is closed. And it was like the greatest moment of euphoria. - Greatest moment of euphoria. - I mean, it was so much fun. Now, you know what snow days are? Zoom days, online days. - Yeah. - Okay, which is, that's crazy. - Yeah, that's crap. - It is crap. - That's crap. I hated that. Snow days were some of the best, 'cause I grew up in Indiana, man. We had snow days. So that was awesome. - But snow days here is like, it rains too hard. - Yeah, like one inch of snow. And I mean, you know, we get, like, I remember this is crazy, but I was talking to my mom.

My mom's 85 years old. And they had like a storm in January that they got nine inches of snow. And it was on Saturday. So I called her on Sunday, 'cause I just assumed she watched church online. I said, did you watch church online today? And she goes, no, no, I went. And I'm like, I thought you all got nine inches of snow. She goes, yeah, it wasn't a big deal. If we got nine inches of snow, our church was closed for a month. Your 85 year old grandmother got up and went to church, it was nine inches of snow. Anyway, that's off topic. - I think you're onto something here. And I think one of the things that causes burnout, and maybe this is the precursor, but I just think we have this society where people are so, I think restlessness is often rooted in the fear of falling behind. - Mm. - Like, you are falling behind in every area of your life. If you're married or you're in a relationship or are you putting enough time in to make it work? - Or you're single and you're not married yet. - Yeah. - That's what I'm saying. - Or you're not dating and you're thinking, "Oh my gosh, I'm never gonna find anybody

"and I'm freaking out." - If you're a student, man, am I doing enough in class to keep my grades up? My dad's gonna be mad if my grades aren't good. You know, if you're an employee, you know, I wanna raise, am I doing enough to get a promotion? Business owners, we got a lot of business owners that listen to this podcast. I can only imagine the stress that you guys feel. Always competition. Someone always looking to steal away your business or your empire, somebody one-upping you. I don't know, why do we feel this way? - Well, I think we've normalized never turning off. The good news is, is the Bible does have clarity around it can feel sometimes like there's real no antidote for this. Okay. And there is. But I think we've confused activity with effectiveness too. Yeah. Because, because you know, you mentioned the feeling of falling behind, like, like a lot of times we, we've, we've, we tire our identity to our output. And I think social media can help help us think that way in an unhelpful way. Yeah. Okay. Sure. So, but, but what I've realized more over the last couple years is like, I'm not a flipping robot. And, and the truth is, is like, okay, Elon says the AI robots are coming. Okay. Well, I can't, I can't keep up with them. And, and God's not asking me to, um, but, but there is, there is an answer for this. Okay. And I won't talk about that. But dad, what, what did you, what were you about to say? Well, I just think it's ironic. We, we live in the richest society that has ever existed yet. We still constantly fear we don't have enough. We live longer and better than any other culture in human history. The life expectancy is better than it's ever been yet. We never seem to have enough time. We have more time saving devices than ever. Yeah. But we're always in a hurry. I read a, I saw something on my Instagram explore page. Um, it came across about a, is a politician. Um, I believe he's a former senator named Ben Sasse. He was, he was interviewed

on the New York Times. And the, the title of the clip is advice on living from a dying man. Oh, I saw this. And he, uh, I guess this understanding is he's dying from pancreatic cancer. Yeah. I think they've given him a few months to live, but I want to watch this clip and listen to Ben's perspective because I think it's pretty valuable. And then we'll talk about, yeah, um, the Bible suggestions for how to live a life that counts. Is there advice that you would give to someone who is, you know, the Ben Sasse father of three at age 40, uh, number one, honor the Sabbath and keep it holy. Um, dinner time is precious. Man, lock up your devices and keep them away from the table and prioritize that time. There is a limit to how many trips a month are really worth it. I kind of had a rule of thumb that seven nights a month at a hotel was the ceiling boy, there's a difference between seven and nine and there's a difference between seven and five in his area of influence or his vocation. He got to the top of the mountain. And here he is sitting here in a hospital bed, under radiation going, I wish I would have had more dinner with my family. That's kind of his, his takeaway. Yeah. And you know, it was interesting this year, uh, at the end of 2025, Mackenzie and I sat down and we talked about, um, you know, what are some things that we could do differently or better, uh, for each other, like as a spouse. And so, you know, she tells me everything. I do great. And that's awesome. And then I just said, well, which one thing I can do better? And she kind of, she kind of paused and looked back at me and goes, honestly, if you could just be on your phone less when you're home, that'd be really helpful. And man, it, it, it struck me like it was, I would, at first I was like, are you serious? Like that, that can't be it. And then I started thinking about the amount of times that I'm looking at my phone and my daughters are trying to talk to me or, you know, I get home and I'm still on, I'm still on a call. And then all of a sudden somebody calls me at 7 p.m. and I got to answer it and then somebody calls me at 9 p.m. and I want to answer it. And I have an addiction to being available. Yeah, that's the truth. Okay. And, and I think that exposed in that honestly for me, and I can't speak for everybody is, is a trust issue. Okay. I trust issue for, for who? Well, do I believe that God is good enough, big enough, strong enough? I'm knee potent enough, I'm mission enough to give me enough for every single day. That whole daily bread concept for the Bible, right? And so that's that that I want to, I want to talk about that because if you're,

if you're sitting here and you're, you're hearing that Ben Sasse interview guys and you're thinking, Oh my gosh, I don't, you know, I want to get to the end of my life and hear well done, good and faithful servant. We all do. There, there's a way to do this in scripture that's outlined and, and here's how I would describe it. Human beings, okay, which is all of us were designed for rhythm. Okay, we were designed for rhythm from the very beginning of, of, of the Bible of creation. What do you see? You see, you got to create the earth in seven days, six days he - He rested. - He rested, right? - It's the model, you can find, by the way, you can find this in Exodus 20, God talks about this. - Right, and obviously Genesis chapter two. And the question that I always had is like, why does God rest? Why did he create the earth in six days and then say, huh, on the seventh day I'm gonna rest? Do you think it's 'cause God was tired? - No, I think, do you want me to answer the question? - Yeah, that'd be helpful. - I think God knew that we needed a day of rest so much that he decided to role model it for us. - So he was set in a pattern? - Yeah. - Okay. And I think my immediate reaction to the whole like, hey, one day a week, you should rest, thing is like, oh, I don't know, it just sounds like you're escaping work or that's lazy or I don't know if I have time for that. And this season of my life and the truth is, is that is a trust issue, okay? And that there is a rhythm that God designs for us

as human beings. You're not an AI robot, you're a real human being created by God for his good and for his purposes. And so we're gonna shift the conversation, talk about rhythm, right? Number one, we're designed for rhythm. You are not a robot, which means you have limits. You don't wanna be a part of the Gallup percentage that you're burned out and you get to the end of your life and you're going, what did I do with all the time that I have to your point, Dad? God also commands rhythm, okay? In Exodus chapter 20. What's interesting about Exodus 20 is that's when God is laying out the commandments, right? And he's saying on the seventh day, it's a Sabbath to the Lord and he says, "On it, you shall not do any work." And then he goes and he gets specific. He says, "Neither you," okay, so not you, nor your son or daughter, this is interesting, nor your male or female servants, nor your animals. He said not to work the animals, isn't that wild? I mean, so everyone needed to rest. Here's what I think is important. Stopping is an act of trust. Every time you stop, it is an acknowledgement that everything doesn't depend on you, okay? That you're not God, that you're not a robot. And that's why I use the word rhythm instead of balance

or even the word Sabbath. And I don't think Sabbath is a bad word. I just like Jesus' view of it, right? Rhythm is I'm going to have intentional moments in my life where I work, where I run, and when I stop. And sometimes, you know, if there's 100% of you, it may be more or less of each of those things in a particular season. But what you can't have is redlining all the time, 'cause that's going to lead to a place where you're a part of that burnout statistic. - I think that not resting is actually a sign of immaturity. - Okay, talk to me more about that. - Yeah, well, I mean, how many of you have kids that love to go to bed on time, right? - Like zero of us. - None of the kids that know that. And when you guys were little, and you're, I'm sure, Halle and Scotty are like this, you guys would argue and complain and come up with every excuse in the book while you need to stay up and not rest. I'm just saying, that's the kind of behavior that children have. - And then when you get older and you get more mature, you realize that rhythm is a gift. - You need rest. - Rest is a gift, it's imperative. - And Jesus talks about that in Mark chapter two, there's a group of people that were upset at him

for healing somebody on the Sabbath day, which is hilarious, right? He heals a human being of a physical ailment, and they're mad at him for healing somebody on the Lord's day, and what does he tell him? He says, "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." - Mark two, 27. - Right, so what do we learn from that? A rhythm isn't a rule. Okay, God didn't create rest to restrict you. He created to restore you. - Mm-hmm. - Okay, and I think the good evaluation point for us as we hear about these things is you gotta decide like what rhythm am I actually, what rhythm am I actually living in? - Yeah. - Okay, where am I redlining all the time? Am I getting at my computer and doing emails for three hours after my family goes to bed? - Mm-hmm. - And I don't wanna be clear, guys, I understand. - And that almost sounds noble. - It does. - Yeah. - And I understand that there are seasons when that has to happen. - Yeah. - What I am saying though, is that is impossible to sustain

but it was so impactful for me. And I can't remember who said it. But you know that phrase that we always go back to, Hey, it's just a busy season. It's just a busy season. It's just a busy season. And I remember saying that one time, and somebody telling me, Landon, you haven't created a busy season. You've created a busy climate. Like, like, because I would tell myself, Hey, if I just get to the next thing, yeah, it will calm down. Yeah, when things settle down, when things settle down. And how many of us know that that doesn't ever happen? Well, I can tell you, I'm gonna be 60 this fall and nothing that things never settle down. You've got, you've got to be in control of that. And, and I think the learning for me in that is we talked, you know, we talked about this too. You're either thermometer or a thermostat, right? What does a thermostat do thermostat has the ability to control the climate that they're living in? Yep. Change thermometer thermometer shows up. And it just looks like whatever is going on in that room, the temperature in that room. If it's high, you know, addiction to work, if it's addiction to progress, you know, you're, you're going to fall in line with that type of climate. But a thermostat has the ability to, to live differently and trust God with, with that process. Well, you know, I think it's, this is why it's so important to read, to read the gospels and to read your Bible, because we've been talking a lot about that and gaining ground. We want to get 1% better every day. How do we do that? Well, we, we give advice from the Word of God. Can you think of one example, and I'm sorry, I'm throwing you a question you weren't expecting, but can you give me one? It's kind of nice to be the one that, you know, can you give me one example from the gospels where Jesus was in a hurry? One time. Were you using a hurry? Yeah. The book of Mark talks about immediately quite a bit, but that doesn't mean that he was in a hurry. There's one times where it says, I think he said his face resolutely for Jerusalem, but that resolute's not really in a hurry. I just can't think of a time when he was in a hurry. And I think that, I mean, he obviously had a pretty big job, you know, he's trying to change the whole world. But and, and how many times do you see in scripture where he took a few, a couple hours and went off by himself and prayed and spent time with the, with the Lord. And I just think, I don't know that's simple. You expected me to say that, but are you doing it, you know? Because when you burn the candle seven days a week, you're not really as bright as you think. And I think one thing that if I'm just completely honest is this whole like rhythm rest

Sabbath thing is something that's talked about a lot in today's Christian culture. And, you know, there's like particular authors that talk all about these things. And if if I'm completely transparent, every time I hear a message on this, I'm kind of like, yeah, whatever, dude, like my internal reaction, because my first thought is like, well, you're just kind of lazy. Right. Or that like I've heard people preach before and they're like, you know, don't be in a hurry, pick the long line at the grocery store. And I'm like, that is a terrible idea. I don't want to do that at all. And yet, and yet, I have felt the effects of never stopping. And it's not good. Right. You want a corporate example for it? I mean, Chick-fil-A. Okay, great. Yeah, that's the one that everybody always goes to because it is, it is probably the longest running corporate example of somebody who lives this reality. And God has been faithful to them that I can think of. Yeah. Right. When does Chick-fil-A sound the best, everybody? Sunday morning. Sunday. The gospel bird. After church. After church. I want Chick-fil-A. But what do they say? No, I mean, we're closed. We're closed. And yet they make more money in six days than everybody else does in Sabbath. It's true. It's crazy. No one even comes close. And, and dad, I think the whole function of the Sabbath, the whole function of rest, the whole function of rhythm, it keeps us grounded and makes sure that we are still aiming at the right target. That's how we get to the end of our life. And, and, and live a life that counts, that lives purpose. And one where you hear when you stand before the Lord, well done, good and faithful servant, because ultimately that's the goal of our life. And that's all I can't forget. I mean, just the first words out of Ben's mouth. And here's a guy that has his days are literally numbered was I wish I would have paid more attention to rest. he was one of the, like, target shooters. Oh, yeah, yeah. In 2004, his last name was Emmons, and he's got this commanding lead, and he's about to get a gold medal, which was the thing that he you know, had worked his entire life for. And so he steps up to the line, he aims, presses the trigger, perfect shot, wins the gold medal. It was one problem. He shot the wrong target. He shot the wrong target. I remember hearing about that. And immediately, he moves from first place to last to eighth place. Oh, wow. And I watched that video, and it's such a great metaphor for my life because, man, you can be crushing it. Here's the issue. Are you aiming at the right target? Are you aiming at the right target? Dad, why do you think it's so enticing for us

to aim at some wrong targets? Well, misaligned priorities. Okay. Yeah. And what are those? Well, again, kind of what we talked about earlier, when you sit around and think about your legacy and you connect your legacy and success to financial freedom or being able to, you know, you know, I think guys, what's funny is you work your whole life to try to rest instead of resting during the process. Like think about why does somebody retire? Well, because they want to play golf and they want to rest and all that. So I think that's interesting to me. But I think that, you know, I think it's about misaligned priorities. I think we don't really have time to set goals that matter. And so I think that's part of it. And we get exhausted along the way. And exhaustion is a symptom of spiritual sickness. Exhaustion is a, is this is a symptom of spiritual sickness? I think so. Explain that. Well, I think Jesus explained it in Matthew 11, right? He looked out at those people and they were exhausted. And he said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble and hard, and you'll find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Maybe the word, maybe, maybe it's not the right word. But I've always thought that worry is assuming a burden that God never intended for you to have. And I think that those, that's what leaves us exhausted. And I think that I, maybe I should say exhaustion can be a symptom of spiritual sickness. Because if you, if you can, if you are so tired and so exhausted because you have been so much time fearing and, and worrying about every aspect of life, it's, it speaks to a lack of trusting God. You know, and I'm not saying I haven't done this by the way. I heard you reference a scripture the other day that I had completely forgotten about. In the book of Genesis, there's a guy that doesn't get talked about in my opinion enough. In chapter five, Enoch, right? In verse 24, here's what it says. Enoch walked faithfully with God. Then he was no more because God took him away. And I don't, I'll be honest, I don't even fully understand exactly what that means, meaning like what actually happened to Enoch. Yeah. But, but the, the most valuable thing in that, in that scripture is walking faithfully. Enoch's, Enoch's sentence, his historical stamp was he walked faithfully with God. He got one sentence in the Bible. And, and my question to the men listening is, what do you want your sentence to be?

Enoch walked faithfully with God. It doesn't tell you what he did for a living. It doesn't tell you what his family was like. It doesn't tell you how much money he made. It doesn't tell you how many people knew his name. Now, he is written in about in the Bible, that's probably more than I'm going to have. Well, of course it is, right? Because the Bible, I mean, Canon's closed, right? But Enoch walked faithfully with God. That's what was said about him. And dad, I just, I think, man, that's what I won't say about me. Yeah. You know, the 32-year-old And eventually there will be a day when I am no more on this earth, because I'm fully immersed with him. And you get a chance to hear, hey, well done, good and faithful servant, and man, I just think that stuff matters. So before we end this podcast, I want to get really practical. If there's a guy that's listening to this and thinking, okay, I hear you out. I want to live a life that counts. I understand I'm not a robot. I'm not infinite. There are times when I need to turn off, let's talk about how to do that practically. I had a mentor one time that told me, and I wrote this down and I've tried to live it in my life, rest weekly, depart monthly, abandon annually. Rest weekly, depart monthly, abandon annually. The first time I heard that, I think it was from Mike Bro at Eastside. And that was something that somebody else passed on to him. And now I want to pass that advice off to every man listening to this. Here's what I think that means you see it supported in the scripture, rest weekly. For me, very practically. I work Sundays, and then I honestly work Monday through Thursdays, and then about 80% of the time, it spills into Friday, which means I'm on six days a week. I'm not saying that has to be your rhythm. It just, it is my rhythm. So what Mackenzie and I try to do, our rule is Saturday is a day that I try to do absolutely nothing that takes energy from me. It's usually filled with good friends. And if you do expel expend energy, it's probably with your daughters. Well, no, but that's my point. I'm not going to, but that's life. I'm not going to look at Halle and say, Hey, honey, sorry, it's Saturday. I can't play with you today. That's life-giving for me. What I am talking about is I try not to do chores on Saturdays as much as I possibly can. It is that day is a day where I rest in the goodness of God, right? That's what it looks like for me, where I've got a rhythm in life where I rest weekly. Now, are there times when I have to preach on a Saturday, when I have to travel on a Saturday, when I have to do something that does require energy of me? Absolutely 100%. That's when I go back to Jesus's scripture in Mark chapter 2. The Sabbath was made for man, not man from Sabbath. This is a rhythm, which means that there are going to be seasons of your life where things get more out of balance than you would hope for. But it's the exception, not the rule. Exactly. You got to go back to that phrase we talked about of, Hey, it's not just a busy season. You've created a busy climate. That's what you don't want to do. Deb, what does that look like for you? It's very similar actually right now because I too, I'm a pastor. I work on Sundays and most people, that's their day to rest. I do work on Sundays. What I do is my work week is Monday through Thursday and then on Friday is when I do stuff at home. If there's work to be done, I work at home on Friday and then Saturday I'm off and I try not to do anything on Saturday. I try to rest. We have a swimming pool. I like to go swimming. We have a fireplace during the seasons of where it's cool. I like to have a fire. You just have a fire going on Saturday, kind of chilling on my back porch. Your mom and I like to go on walks. So Sunday through Thursday I work Friday. If there's stuff to be done around the house, I do that and then Saturday is kind of my Sabbath. It hasn't always been like that though. No, and it changes and that's another important. It can change based on the season. Rest weekly. In every guy that's listening to this, you got to figure out what your rest looks like. Then you have to take ownership, manage your schedule to allow for this sort of thing. Rest weekly. Second thing is this, depart monthly, depart monthly.

This is the one where I think everybody's going, "Hey, man, how do I depart monthly?" Here's what I found to be the most successful. You need to try to find a nearby faraway place. Here's what I mean by that. For me, a nearby faraway place is something that's probably too difficult to do every day, but it's not hard enough to not do at least once a month. Once a month. For me, my nearby faraway place is a little dearly out in my life. And it's a white trash redneck deer lease. It's an hour and 58 minutes from my front door. Okay? And the truth is I can at least get out there one day a month. And here's what I've noticed. When I'm there, it's not fancy. But I look for animals and a eat steak and I make fires and I shoot stuff. And I don't think about work. You do manly stuff. Yep. And I don't think about work at all. At all. At all. Do you answer your phone? No. And most of the time I don't even have service. So that's all. Yeah, that's true. But it's the place where I just don't really care about work when I'm there. There's something special about it for me. And so I would suggest to the guys listening, you gotta find a nearby far away place. And I don't, and I'm not even saying it has to be far away physically. For some of you, it might be a particular trail

that you walk on. That you like to hike on, yeah. And it's in your city, but it's something you set aside and you do every month to meet with God. Dad, you said something earlier. You see Jesus, there's rhythm in Jesus' life where he departed to spend time with the Father. Mm-hmm. And I think that is harder for us than it's probably ever been in human history. Yeah, that's fair. Because you're reachable at all times. Yeah. Okay, so nearby far away place. Do you have anything that comes to mind for you? No, I was gonna say, I'm not sure that I'm departing monthly. The only exception to that is that your mom and I travel a lot. So you know, whether it's work, like I'm on different boards, I'm on the board of a church planning organization, you know, sometimes I'll be speaking somewhere. So we get to travel enough that I think it definitely works out where we get to build in days, you know, where like we're going to Dublin, Ireland at the end of this month. 'Cause our church is planning a church there

and I'm gonna build in a couple days to get to know Dublin. So we're definitely doing some of that. But I would say even like to speak to what you just said, even if the budget doesn't allow for it, it can be somewhere where you go and hike and think and read and just. Or is it day where you play pickleball for four hours? Exactly. Okay, lastly, abandoned annually. Well, you know your mom and I are great at this 'cause we've done it for 40 straight years. Yeah, you abandoned once a month for being honest. Well, but when we were younger in our 20s and 30s, there were times where we didn't have a lot of money. Yeah, y'all set out food on the counter and some water and said good luck. Yeah, we. Convocation didn't work about it. We didn't go on vacation, but we'd go away. Like when we lived in Los Angeles, we'd go down to San Diego. I used to get the LA Times and they'd have these coupe bows back before the internet. This is a long time ago. And there would be coupons for like this Sheraton Hotel in San Diego at $99 a night. And I would clip that out and your mom and I would go for two nights, it's a couple hundred bucks. We'd go to the beach and it was cheap.

And we would take food with us into the hotel. But we, every year, we decided to do it on our anniversary. So every year, we, 39 anniversaries in a row, we had been together away from kids and away from people. Abandoned annually and the thing, the value I want and you can hear it in his answer is once a year, I go on a vacation. I'm married, so it's with my wife where I am unreachable. I told you earlier, my job has to do a lot with phones, emails, those sorts of things. There are times when I am away and yet still available. Once a year, I am not. My team knows that, my family knows that, right? And a lot of times it's an all inclusive in Mexico or something and that little lock box that's in the closet. I throw my phone in there and leave it in there and I need that, right? Where I abandon annually. Okay, so that's the practical framework. Rest weekly, depart monthly, abandon annually. You gotta decide to do that. The temptation is to listen to this and go, "Hey, when I have more time, listen, you don't need more time." Okay, everybody's got the same amount of time, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You just need better rhythms. - Yup. - And if you wanna, 30 years from now,

be living a life that you look back and you count, you gotta get this right right now. - Okay, and I would say, go ahead. I'm sorry, you had more. - No, no, no, I was gonna ask you, is there any parting advice you have for somebody listening to this on how to put this practice into the life? - I do. It's mostly for people who call themselves Christ followers. And I know that's, that not all of our, But if you're someone who's walking with the Lord, like Enoch, if you want to walk with the Lord, I just would encourage you to remember not only does your life count and today counts, just remember, especially if you're in my age category, you know, people are watching how you live your life. Just don't forget that. Like someone is becoming tomorrow's version of themselves because of how you live today. Like they're watching you. And I just would, I just think it's so important. Like every day matters. Every day counts. And I think that's maybe that's a whole 'nother podcast, landed, but. - I think it probably sounds like one. Well, guys, I hope this was helpful to you. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back here every two weeks. - Yep, I'm excited.

We got some great podcasts coming up. Some cool guests, it's gonna be awesome. All right, we'll see you next time. Hey, thanks for joining us on the Gaining Ground podcast. If you enjoyed today's content, it would help us a ton. If you could like this video, click the subscribe button and turn on your notifications so you never miss an episode. If you're looking for more resources or how to get connected, please feel free to look in the description below, find our website, GainingGroundMen.com. We'd love to connect with you there. We'll see you next time. (upbeat music)