Toxic Masculinity Is A Distraction (There’s A Bigger VILLAIN) ft. Cody Bobay.mp4

How did you overcome shame in your life? With intimacy with Christ. It's the best thing on the planet. I tell men all the time, I can see your relationship with God by how you respond when you fall. We know that as a man of God, it's not about if I fall, it's about when you fall. And when you fall, do you run to dad or do you hide from dad? If you run and hide from dad, I need to teach you and disciple you on the goodness of God so you start to run to him. Because we will fall. When you run and hide, Satan's like, hey, come over here in the dark and I'm going to put this first cloak on you, which is shame. Welcome back to the Gaining Ground podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in to another episode. My name is Landon. It's fantastic to have you listen today. And I've got two different people with me today. First of all, I got my co-host here. Hey, everybody. I'm so excited about this podcast.

Are you excited about this podcast? Pumped. Well, I'm really excited too because we have another special guest. His name is Cody. And as I was doing some research on Cody and who he is and what he does, it turns out that he does, well, everything that is awesome on this earth, honestly. And so I'm not even going to try to really like try to tell you what exactly he does. In fact, I just like to defer to him. So Cody, welcome to the Gaining Ground podcast. Good to see you, man. Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me. So excited. I appreciate you. Yeah. Just the heart that I have for men comes from my story. And I'll share that a little bit of what I do. I came to know Christ when I was 18. He changed everything. And I always thought the Bible was boring and a lot of people were lame. Christian men were lame? Yeah. I thought, yeah, because I was a partier.

Okay. We'll talk about that. Yeah. I always thought, you know, I'm excited now. I did, man. Growing up, when I was in high school, I thought the Christians were nerds and I thought the Bible was lame. And I go into the military and I experienced that's not true at all. And the Bible is the most captivating book on the planet. So everything I do now- Amen, man. Yeah. We'll talk about it through the podcast. But everything I do now comes from the experience when I got on my knees in my barracks room and I said, God, if you're real, I'm in. And his presence fills my heart, my room. I'm overwhelmed. And I said out loud by myself, that's better than any orgasm or any high I've ever had. And God's real. And I walked over to my roommate and I told him, I said, hey man, I just met God. And he said, you're probably still drunk. That was the actual conversation. And I said, no, no, no.

And- So wait, how often, like, how far was it between the moment when you guys were partying and the moment you met the Lord? You know, it was a day and a half after we got back from partying in spring break in Panama City, Florida for four and a half days straight. I was with a wild group of dudes. We were in active duty in the military and we come back and we have to cover a big mistake that happened that weekend. And everybody's just kind of like coming down off of that high. Sure. And now it's just like going through the grind of the schoolwork, the physical fitness. And I had a gap at 5.30 in the afternoon on March 23rd, 2004. And I was done, man. You remember the day? Yeah, I remember the day. March 23rd, 2004, okay. Oh yeah. So I had that moment and immediately Jesus is the only thing I want. The only thing, like I just experienced the thing I was searching for

in the partying lifestyle. It wasn't sex. It wasn't like, I loved sex and fighting. Like those are my two favorite things and alcohol, Red Bull and Jagermeister made that more intense. So I would drink alcohol to enjoy those things more. I love the thrill of those things. Well, I get to know Jesus and I meet him and it changes everything. And his presence was the thing I was all in, I wanted. So I go to church, me and my buddy, we had a crotch rocket hit a Ducati 998, which there was only a thousand made from Matrix Reloaded. And we'd race the Blue Angels as they were taking off, Naval Air Station Pensacola, Florida. So we'd do the whole Top Gun thing. But outside- I was just thinking about that. I'm like, you live Top Gun. Yeah, oh, so rad. So outside of that base, I just remember seeing, it was the backside of that base. I remember seeing a church and I knew nothing about denominations.

I knew nothing about, really about the Bible. I didn't know that it had two parts. I didn't know how many books, but I knew I wanted Jesus. So I show up on that next Sunday morning and the pastor, Buford Lipscomb, who's his son now is taking over the church, but they're both dear friends of mine. Still, he preaches about baptism. I'm like, sweet, I'm gonna get baptized. Let's do that. Yeah, so I invite all my friends and the next weekend I get baptized. And I had like 35 to 40 friends from the military show up. And I think eight of them got saved. And man, I was all in. So then really cool moment of that story. So my favorite number was four. My lucky number was four. And I was not tracking dates at all. But a month later, I get a baptism certificate in the mail and I still have it. and I got baptized on 4-4-0-4. And I remember looking at that thing. That's easy to remember. Oh, right, but like for me, I'm not, at that point, I'm not like,

I got raised with my dad and my brother and I saw my mom on visitation. So you're, if you cry, like everything like kind of toxic masculinity, that's what I was raised in, right? So men don't cry. Well, I get this and I'm like, that's where I've been trained, right? Men do cry, thank God. But I, just emotion floods my heart to say, oh God, you knew about this from the beginning of time and you made an actual love note to me to say how much you love me in that moment of baptism. And 4-4-0-4 is when I get baptized. I was thinking about the probability of that. Well, then I'm just even, I continue to see, and it's gaining ground for me, right? Of like, I want everything the Bible says, but I don't know what the Bible says. So I started to talk to men. I'm like, cool guys, so I'm 18. I just came from, and I'm in the lobby of a church. What do you guys do about masturbating? And they're like. Well, we don't talk about that here. Yeah, and I'm like, and I remember I was like, and they get quiet. I'm like, come on, man. Don't tell me you don't do it. I bet Buford didn't like that question.

It was so funny. Well, I just remember I talked to them and I'd be like, oh. And then I saw this, sign up for this Wild at Heart men's group, and I'm like, sweet. I didn't know anything about John Eldredge, but it's a group of men getting together. Hey, this was 2004. Yeah. Okay, so Wild at Heart, that was that, when was Wild at Heart written? Was that, it was before then, right? Yeah. The reason I asked that question is, I read Wild at Heart when I was 20, 14. Okay. And. Came out in mid 90s, late 90s. Mid 90s. But I'm not positive. Well, the reason I asked that question is, I probably read it in its 30th year, right? And dude, it was so impactful for me. So I go to this group and I have all these questions like practical, which I call now the gray area of discipleship questions. And, you know, we would go and we jumped out of planes together in this Wild at Heart. We did crazy stuff.

We cried together. We experienced, like I love John Eldredge and still honor him. But I just remember the thing that I love the most, which was sex and fighting, I didn't wanna do, cause I wanted to honor God, but I didn't know what the Bible said. And I'd ask guys like, hey man, so I am an 18 year old that is super fit in the military, just came from this lifestyle. Right. How do I do this? Like, so I can't have sex until I'm married. That's awesome. It's now a get to. I get to wait. I don't have to, but how in the Sam hell do you get this done? Right. And nobody would have that conversation with me. So I got really frustrated. So I just took my Bible and I read it cover to cover. And I knew nothing about the structure of it. I barely retained, I'd say, you know, I bet I retained 10% of what I was reading, but I just committed to read it. And it was in that time that I realized that God created masculinity

and he wasn't embarrassed with, when I was reading some of these stories, my struggles with lust and anger. I want to affirm that. I think that you're so right about that. I, lust, anger, these are, these programs go, these problems go back to the garden, right? And they're age old, they're ancient problems that we'll always have to deal with. Cody, let me ask you this question, man. So you talked about how God created masculinity, right? Like it's his design. And yet in 2026 in Texas, which is where we're listening to this and wherever you're listening from, this is probably true from where you're at. Yeah. There seems to be a issue with it. Yep. Okay, so there's guys, there's cultures saying, being a man, we're doing it wrong. Yep. And then there are guys who are listening to this, struggling with some of the crap you're talking about. Yep. That are maybe natural impulses, stupid decisions, whatever. Where do you think that comes from?

And what do you think the answer is? Yeah, I think, so 2 Corinthians 4, 4 says that Satan, the God of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, so they can't see the light of the gospel, which is the face of Christ. I think it all comes from blinding people to see the goodness of God. And I think once we, this is what happened to me when I realized that God wasn't ashamed of me and my struggles. I realized that shame was the greatest weapon to my soul. So I had to make a commitment at that point to run to God when I would fail. And it was a win I would fail. And I didn't have this expectation of perfection ever, but I had a hunger for intimacy, but I understood like, man, I fail constantly. So I had no preconceived notion that this was gonna be a perfect run for me. But when I would fail, I'd run to him. And I think right now we just have an entire culture of men that Satan and the demons that fell with him, the archangels that fell with him, the demons that, you know, I love the study of the reality of this. They're blinding men to say your, God is ashamed of your failure. You're right. And that's a, man, we can't wear that clothing.

That is what kills men and makes them kill themselves and kills their marriage. And it's like screw tape letters. When I read that, it changed my mindset of like, oh, like I went to war against Al Qaeda. I flew missions over Baghdad and they're brilliant. But one of the ways that where Satan attacks us is the slow drip mentality because he wants to kill. Yes, he wants to kill you, but not fast. Because he wants to take everything from Christ from your legacy. That's destroy your marriage, destroy your kids, what they think about you. So I think there's, when you know the truth, the truth will set you free. The truth is that God created masculinity. And when you live as a man of God, there's freedom and there's no shame. Well, it's interesting. You mentioned the drip mentality, right? Satan comes, the thief comes, John 10 10, to steal, kill and destroy. I've come so they may have life and after the fall. What's interesting is it doesn't say he's gonna kill you quickly. Yeah. We talked about that. How the antithesis of gaining ground is the slow, gradual drift into what is, quite honestly, it's godlessness, right?

And I think, I wanna talk about a word you just said. You talk about God's ashamed of me. And dad, I'd love to hear what you think about this too. Because here's what quite honestly drives me nuts as like a church leader guy, okay? Like I will have personal conversations and personal friendships and relationships with men who they take their families to church. On the outside looking in, everybody's like, hey, those people are doing awesome. And yet they are absolutely handcuffed by shame. And in moments where it's time to make a decision and it's baptism and people are having the moment you did like when you were 18 and you were in that church, they're actually sitting in the seats and going, I can't do that because of what I've done, right? There's a block between this, hey, God can forgive me of what I've done and then actually believing that that's real and true. And so they look like they're great on the outside, but they're suffering silently. What is that? What do you guys think? Why do we do that? Because I've bought into that in my life sometimes too. I think part of this is, and I think one of the reasons that I love what we're trying to accomplish is because we talked about how subtle the drift is, right? But what I want to do is give hope to men

so that they understand that just like the drift is subtle, growth can be subtle too. Yeah, that's good. That's a good word. We're encouraging guys to grow, Cody, 1%, just get 1% better every day, 1% closer to Jesus. It may not happen overnight because look, you don't drift into spiritual health. No. You don't drift into unity and intimacy with your wife, into a God-centered marriage, but you do drift into apathy and distance and resentment. And so I think that, man, I think shame and guilt are just things that we tend to hold onto and hope and joy are things we dream about. Yeah, I think that's, man, I love it so much to really, this is where, so I wrote a book to men called SoulCon Challenge. It took me five and a half years to write it because I- Just real quick, SoulCon? SoulCon Challenge. Okay, and if just real quick, I want you to talk about it, but if guys want to buy it, get it anywhere, Amazon, anywhere, and we'll link it in the show notes too. So what is SoulCon? Yeah, so it's a six week, if God's kingdom,

which we know has an army, and then where Paul was writing in 2 Timothy 2 about being a good soldier of Christ, and he's like, hey, if you want to be used as a special utensil, this is what you do. And if you want to be used as everyday ordinary tasks, this is what you do. And the difference is keeping yourself pure, which I was fascinated with, but I read that and I was like, oh, that'd be fun if I made a book with like a special forces challenge for men based on that, if the war for purity in the masculine soul, and it's the 1% better everyday mentality. I wanted a body, soul, and spirit challenge. SoulCon is just talking about the war for your mind-willing emotions every single day of your life. So you have a war raging inside of you constantly that Paul talks about in Galatians 5, 16, 17, between the flesh and the spirit. And my question was like, what's that war for? I believe 100%, it's not for my salvation anymore. So what is it? Jesus is like, what good is it to gain the whole world, but lose your soul? So I studied really what that means. And I've seen some amazing Christian men build these amazing churches

that build these amazing empires and write all these books, but they lose their mind-willing emotions along the way. So I really tapped into how do you win that war for your mind-willing emotions every day? And it's the 1% of the time. So what, you can't do 100 pushups, but can you do one pushup? Can you do a wall pushup? And then today. Can you do one tomorrow? Can you do two next week? Can you do two? So I wrote a book about shared suffering with men and groups of men going through this to say, I'm going to start where I'm at and find the direction towards Christ. And I'm going to start and never stop. So what would that look like? And that's where I wrote, I wrote it to me five and a half years to write and concept conceptualize and put it into a book and then write it when you start the experience, you're right. Reading kind of like this fictional story of these men coming to this training center together, but you're the first person reader in it. So, um, thankfully the book did really well and it's reached, it's changed over, you know, which it's sold over 200,000 copies in independently published. I did it myself because I used to deal drugs and I have street smarts and I got a master's degree in business and leadership. So I realized, Hey, I can make more money if I do this myself, if I succeed. And that if I succeed was a really big thing, because when I released the book on day one, it sold 17 copies and I wanted to quit everything. So, okay.

So a couple of things stood out to me in that first of all, you said you went independent because you used to sell drugs and you believed in your ability to distribute the book better than a publisher. Yeah. So the guy that found Dr. Jordan Rubin, one of the bigger names of health in the church found me and found my book, wrote about it in his magazine, how it changed his life and helped him fight through his battle with cancer. But he made me an offer for my book and he wanted it. He said, I'll do the offer. If you make it for men and women, because books to men don't sell. And he loved me. It was great advice. And I tell men all the time, some of the greatest advice that you'll get will be the safest advice from people that care the most about you. And that's where you see Peter with Jesus. And he's like, Hey, don't do that. Like, you're not, you're not going to get crucified. We got this. And Jesus is like, get behind me, Satan. Ooh, right. I mean, that's a powerful moment, but I knew in my heart what that was. So I looked at the contract for that, um, publishing deal. And I said, I told my wife I was, I was dirt poor. I said, I can't do it. Like, this is what the, this book's supposed to be just for men on the front. There's a warning label. It says for men only, when you start reading it, it says, if you're reading this and you're a female, please give this to a man in your life. Uh, and I took the risk myself before it was cool to self publish.

It was really like, people would ask you, Oh, you wrote a book. Who's your publisher. Right now that doesn't happen anymore, but yeah, I took that risk and just realized, Hey, I can sell and scrap and do things. Uh, and thankfully that paid off. First of all, that's amazing. And I appreciate your, your testimony and story. And honestly, I relate to, uh, you know, you talked about how first day you sold 17 copies or whatever, and books to men don't sell. When we're, when we're putting together this vision for this ministry and this thing, and this podcast and these events and yada, yada, yada, I mean, I absolutely had this thought of like, is anybody going to freaking show up? Is anybody going to listen to this? And, and for what it's worth, we had our first gathering the other day. And, uh, turns out there are at least a good chunk of men who are interested in what's going on. And I'm thankful for that. I'd say, well, one of our elders said about that gathering real quick. It was so dark that morning. We gather at six 30 and he was there at six 15 and it was still dark outside. And he said, when he saw the headlights coming in, he goes, it reminded me of that scene in field of dreams, all those people were coming and he just kind of gave me cold chills. And it was pretty incredible. And I remember watching the headlights come in and everything. The reason for saying that is not to pat ourselves on the back, right? Cause that was a 1% better moment, right? It's not 99% better. Here's what I saw with a bunch of guys. Okay.

Um, the thought of wanting to grow is there. The how is a question Mark. So I want to talk a little bit about habits and those sorts of things. And then I also want to talk a little bit more. You mentioned my favorite book called the screw tape letters. Oh man. And the reason I elevate that is it's because it's about, it is C.S. Lewis and his brilliance talking about the demonic realm. Yeah. One of the things that I don't want to underestimate is part of the reason that masculinity is so misconstrued is because Satan has made it his mission to confuse everyone, what masculinity is and what it is not. And there is a war going on for men in our country, in the United States. One of the things we say all the time is when men grow everything and everyone gets better. It's a novel concept. It's great. Here's what that means. There's going to be tremendous opposition. So two things I don't want to talk to talk about that. All right. Let's, let's talk about, let's talk about the shame piece and how Satan can mess with us a little bit. And then I want to talk about habits and how we fight back. Yeah. Right. So, so let's dive into that first piece. All right. So yeah, in the garden of Eden. Eve even Adamson first thing that it says they experience is shame. Yeah, that's Satan's first card that he plays. Yep

It's his first card that he plays a powerful one. It's a good first card. How did you overcome shame in your life? Yeah with intimacy with Christ it is it's the best thing on the planet So I I tell men all the time I can see a relationship with God by how you respond when you fall We know that as a man of God, it's not about if I fall It's about when you fall and when you fall do you run to dad or do you hide from dad? And if you here's the deal like practically we have to deconstruct that if you run and hide from dad We we just need that 1% better. I need to teach you and disciple you on the goodness of God So you start to run to him because we will fall when you run and hide Satan's like hey come over here in the dark and I'm gonna put this first cloak on you Which is shame and I I've For 10 years Professionally, I've spoke and I don't like the word professionally, but I think that's the only thing like well, it's accurate Yeah, so so so yeah, so it's a minister of the gospel to the heart of men I've prayed for men that are young men that have showed up that are 11 that are dealing with a porn addiction I've prayed with a man that was 92 years old And I remember the feeling I had when he confessed a porn addiction I was the first person he ever confessed a porn addiction to he was 92 years old. His wife's been dead for like Yes, so so he's a decade. He's lonely. He's trying to cope with it, right? Yeah, and What I realized is and as we transition like into bad habits, and I wrote a recent book on this There's a massive massive difference between a bad habit and a spiritual agreement with health And and the spiritual agreement with health starts when you accept that cloak the cloak of shame as your identity Okay, and Jesus is warring to say we need to get that off of you Okay, so talk talk more about that Cody. Oh, so I I think I know what you mean by making agreement with hell But what is what does that mean to our listeners? How can you explain that? Yeah, I I agree with your terminology on it and I've done some study in it as well But I'd love to know what you think about it. Yeah. Yeah, so I man the discipline life of a warrior of God makes sense when you understand the war that you're in and if we want to be we want to see men become warriors like go from the

1% 1% 1% from where you're at, but our goal before we die like with my son. He's 14 years old I want him to become a warrior for God and he has to understand the war that he's in To be effective for it and we have a lot of men that have forgotten or been blinded to the fact that there is a spiritual war happening all around Us and when when we understand that and we start to take that serious, we understand that when we view pornography It's not a neurological addiction. It's not a psychological addiction that we have it's an agreement with the power of the demonic realm to say I'm going to like the Bible says when When Adam knew Eve right conceived when we know Sin and we get intimate with sin We conceive death in our life and there I wrote a book called the dragon hunt. So I love CS Lewis so much It was my last book I wrote but oh, man, we should do another podcast just on CS Lewis's. Oh, it's so good Well, it changed my life I got so frustrated with men making these spiritual agreements with pornography and then treating them like bad habits I wrote a book about this. It's a rated-r book. It's about this Christian man It's for married men only to go through and they have to go through it together 21 days to break free from pornography forever Because it's about the blood of Jesus and the spiritual warfare that happens So it talks about this married man trying to be sexually honorable with his wife and is going through that process You see them and then you see the demons Strategically trying to destroy him and they're vulgar and then you see angels trying to protect him And my favorite day is on day 21 when the King of Kings shows up and they experience the the man experience praying the blood of Jesus having friends show up and praying the blood of Jesus over him and and I think men need a wake-up call in our soul to say We we need to start every discipline from that and understand like pornography is destroying our world I mean, there's my son will come to me with these kids that are his age that have had porn addictions for years and I Start to see the symptoms of that when I had a porn addiction my first time I didn't know his porn addiction but it was a it was a magazine that I found when I was 12 13 in a field and now we have These phones with whatever these kids want to look at if their parents aren't guarding them and then it's warping their mind Even if their parents are guarding him, there's so many different ways around it

So many different ways and find you it will find you and man So the spiritual agreement just to really make sure Or sin is Satan's absolute weapon to destroy the masculine soul. And the moment we become numb to the power of sin, it's when we start to make these agreements. Like, hey, I'm just gonna use Facebook. Me and my wife aren't doing well. I'm gonna use Facebook and just talk to a couple of girls. Like, hey, that's just DMs. It's just messages. Man, it feels good. Or I'm gonna watch this show that has these sex scenes. And it's a good show. It's on Paramount Plus, but man, it's those, to say, hey, I see the darkness and I'm going to subtly be okay with it. And there's a big difference between that and then breaking free and living a life without the bad habits of maybe eating some donuts when you should. You know, I recently did a talk called Why God Chose Men to Lead and to Lead Spiritually. And I was talking about it is easy to live a foolish life. It is not easy to live a faithful life. It's not easy. And I just was wondering about, I was thinking about, you know, you were asking, how does drift happen? Well, I think it happens because sin

so easily entangles us. That's what Hebrews 12 says, right? We get numb to it. Yeah, right, right. And so Paul says, hey, man, surround yourself by a great cloud of witnesses and let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles us and let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us. And I was just wondering, like, what was the hardest part of leaving that foolish life? As you would admit, it was foolish. Oh yeah, absolutely, yep. To a faithful life, what was the hardest part? Sexual purity was the hardest part for me. And really understanding the culture that was needed, that I needed in my life, not just the church needed, but I needed to be with men that didn't look at me like I was broken for being saying like, hey man, so I'm horny, I want to wait. So, because they didn't look at you like, like they would look at every other man, like. Yes, so that culture of like. Because you had the same problem that every other man has. Yes, and it's like, man, I don't want to get destroyed by anything, but the thing that I will get destroyed by is lust and anger. So I don't want to lose my mind

and beat somebody up anymore. And I don't want to lose my mind and go have sex with a girl. And my whole upbringing was like when I was a partier, I just remember there was like this cyber sex thing. I remember this girl saying like, oh, we could have cyber sex together. I'm like, wait, like rather than just being together in person? Wait a minute, that was 2004? No, so that was when, that was in the 90s. That was a thing? It was a thing. What were you using, Motorola razors? You remember those? Well, actually, no, that was 2000. It was dial-up internet. So you literally like, I just remember thinking. Talk about a slow burn right there, dial-up internet. Landon, you were playing backyard baseball. Old Pablo Sanchez, baby. That's right. But here's what's crazy, is now there's so much research saying that these men don't know how to interact with women because they'd rather have this digital experience because there's no commitment. And I remember thinking, man, if you could be with a woman, what a gift. But I got to know Jesus, I wanted to obey his word,

and I wanted to then honor the future wife he had for me. And I just asked him really pureheartedly, like, can you please have that wife like soon for me? I wanna obey you, but I am the guy you're talking about, like, burning with lust. And here's the great thing, I made it, and my wife and I didn't have sex until we got married. And it was a testimony of like, this is possible. And I tell guys all the time, like, I love to shout it from the rooftops. I tell my son constantly, we just got back from Colorado. The engagement was two weeks, by the way. Yeah, we met, we're married the next day. What is really important that I tell men constantly is that purity is a winnable war if you are willing to engage in the war for purity. So you have to be a warrior. You can't be a coward on the sidelines, just crying about how difficult it is and try to win a war. I think it can be easy to be in a position where you feel like you're gonna be shameful for the rest of your life. And one thing that needs to be said is that God, through the blood of Jesus, has the power to break those chains. Break them, destroy them. And I wanna tell you how there are certain things in our life that we don't even realize that are bothering us.

And here's how I learned this. We have a ministry at our church called Healing Prayer. It's led by two friends of mine and a great organization that does a bunch of mission work overseas. They got some training, I believe it was in China, in this thing called the Healing Prayer. And basically what it is, is you get in a room together. So it'd be like three of us, and there's somebody that's trained in this. And you just ask God questions. You call it Healing Prayer or Listening Prayer. And God talks back. And I know that might be crazy to say for some people, but this is 100% true. I'm in this room, and there's the question of shame. What are you ashamed of, Landon? I have to say this out loud. And then there'd be. making notes the entire time. Cool. I say this thing out loud, and it had to do with a relationship that I had in high school. They turned their paper around, and it was written on the paper. Wow. Before I said it, for what it's worth. Okay, so we have this moment where we get an opportunity to break those change, right?

So we talked about that. That's awesome. That's on a Saturday. So I'm 30, I was 31 at the time, this relationship was when I was 16. I have not seen this girl since the day we broke up. I'm 31 years old, pastor now, in the town that I grew up in. Wow. Okay, the next day, I preach the sermon, go in the lobby of our church. Dang. Her mom walks up to me. That's amazing. And she looks at me, I haven't seen this woman since. I hadn't seen her since we broke up. She goes, hey, I want you to know this. I am so proud of you. You're doing an amazing job. And I asked the question, I said, how's your daughter? And she said, she's doing fantastic, thank you for asking. Wow. Dude, that's so powerful. And dude, I just like, I texted my friends that led me through this moment, and I'm going, are you freaking serious? That's cool. Because, and what that taught me is like, you talk about the prodigal son, right? That's the father running 10 miles in your direction.

That there was some crap that I did, sin that I committed when I was in high school. And now I'm a man with a great marriage and doing the best that I possibly can. And I still had shame in my heart from something that happened 15 years ago. And we got together to break the chains of those shame. And God answered that prayer in that moment. And then gave me the gratitude of being able to look a woman in the face who I felt like I harmed and said, hey, thank you, and I'm proud of you. Wow. You wanna talk about God giving good gifts. That's so cool. I mean, seriously, I promise you guys, that happened. I think from that story, talking about gaining ground, and one of the things that I love for men to understand is sometimes, and with my story as well, sometimes God moves so supernaturally like that. Like that. It breaks chains immediately. Yep. Rather than 1% better, you're 100% better in one touch of God's power and his favor and his love. And I think men need to realize that both of those happen. A lot of disciplines with your physical body are the 1%, getting 1% better. Your marriage, it's like there's this process, but then sometimes God steps in and does those supernatural,

just like I'm gonna heal you completely and break those chains. Because when I got saved, I thought, I was super grateful for everything. But there was like, my out-of-control desire for alcohol was completely gone in my life. And I was free. So some things I was completely free from, but then I realized there was things that I wasn't. And my lust, I wasn't free from. Yep. But there's one of my favorite scenes of any movie, I love movies, it's what I do, movies, writing, speaking, it's what I do full-time. It's actually from Wonder Woman. And it's what I came to find that was happening across the country and in multiple countries around the world with men's ministry. If you remember the scene in Wonder Woman, if you've seen it. Gal Gadot version. Yeah. So really, have you guys seen Wonder Woman? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so. The most recent one, yeah. Yeah, I loved it. And it's hard for me to extend my imagination to believe that a woman can beat up a man in any movie. And even though like Ronda Rousey could beat me up, okay?

So I'm throwing that out there. That lasso thing. Yes, so, the lasso of truth, right? So, but I'm watching this movie, so just entranced with the magnificence of storytelling. And she walks in in World War I, and there's all these guys in this ditch, and she's walking up. And this is what I've seen is the heart that can happen with movements like this in the body of Christ. And she's like, how long have you guys been here? And the guy's like, oh, 13 months, and we've only moved an inch forward. And they're trying to advance on enemy territory. And she's like, she looks around, she grabs her armor, she climbs up out of the trench, and she sprints. And all of a sudden, all the courage from all those guys rises up to, and they sprint behind her, and they take enemy territory by sprinting and conquer. And movements like this with gaining ground, there's those moments, Landon, like your story, where the Holy Spirit says, okay, now rise up, put that armor on, and I need you to sprint. Instead, you've been waiting, and you've been faithful, but now go sprint and take that territory back. Dad, is there anything that's sticking out to you that we're having this conversation on? Well, I just think we have to be mindful that Cody's given us so many things to think about here.

But at the end of the day, I'm still interested in what other men. and were a part of your life that helped you make that leap from foolish to faithful. And the reason I say that is because it, you know, God can change our life in a moment's notice, and we've said that, right? But don't you think it's good to have a band of brothers to do life with in the process? I was just thinking about, I was reading in, I was reading in my quiet time the other day, Exodus 17, where Moses was so tired, he couldn't hold his hands up anymore. I love that passage, and Aaron and Hur. Yeah, that's an amazing story. Aaron on one side, Hur on the other, and they're holding up his hands for him. And I was just thinking, I'm like, who held your hands up, man? Yeah, and this is something I love to talk to men about, because it's, we can play victim so much to this, of, oh, nobody's, I don't have them, yeah, nobody's here for me. And if this is what I need men to understand, there is a war going on for advancing the kingdom of heaven by force. So there's a spiritual warfare going on where Jesus says, I'm coming back, and I'm going to conquer everything, but be ready for my return.

So in this war, to be a warrior for God, we have to understand, it's a war to have intimacy with another man, because that man will go through things, and that man will get distracted, and we cannot be victims. We've got to be men of God, and a man of God doesn't sit and just feel sorry for himself to the point to where he isolates, and then starts to self-destruct. I tell guys all the time, seclusion is a great thing. Like, we see that with Jesus. There's a big difference between seclusion, which is towards Christ, and alone time with Christ, and isolation, which is alone time with your own thoughts. That's where we see David had the biggest mistake of his life, when he thought to himself, and it's like, oh, don't go into that place. But for me, what I realized, because I was in the military, so I had to be intentional everywhere that I went, and the thing for me is that intentional connection with other men. Hey, man, I need you to ask me. Like, I need you to ask me how I'm doing. Okay, cool, yeah. Because their life is just as busy as your life is busy. To be like, dude, I need you to ask me how I'm doing in these areas. So have the boldness and the courage to ask somebody that you can trust,

somebody that has earned the right to speak into your life, for sure, that, hey, man, I need your help with this, A, B, and C. I think that's powerful. Yeah, and it's the freedom of understanding when accountability is there, not in weakness in your life because you're broken, it's there to propel you forward. Just like CrossFitters, I'm not a CrossFitter, but I was there when it started. I was active in the military when it really started. But CrossFitters will go to towns, and they'll find a CrossFit gym and go work out in it. All of a sudden, they have their brotherhood or their sisterhood, and they're there, and they work out. We have to be that mentality with the kingdom. Find those men to say, I need a good workout. Can you walk with me? Can you work out with me? I think, Landon, this is why grit is so important. We talked about grit, how valuable that is. One of the biggest, the most successful thing a person can do is put a no-quit team around them. So good. Let's put a team together. I don't wanna do this by myself. It's hard, but let's put a no-quit team around us. Yeah, you talked about, I mean, you both have just hit on the fact that it's really hard to do this alone. We talked about that, that isolation is the enemy of growth, 100%.

I think everybody has, can at least identify that, and then has probably experienced that in their entire life. Cody, you talked about how you have those supernatural moments where God shows up, and you show the other piece of the paper to use my story, and it's already written on it, and all this craziness. And then there's guys sitting here that are like, dude, I've tried, and I'm doing the best I can, and I'm still struggling. And it's that Roman seven stuff again of the Apostle Paul saying, what I don't wanna do, I find myself doing. Let's get really practical as we wrap this thing up. We already highlighted one in the sense of, you got a team of people around you that are helping you walk and gain ground. What are some habits and practices that guys that are listening to this can put into practice to war against the flesh, and cling to intimacy with Christ? Yeah, super practical. So I love Romans 7.14 through 8.14. It's where SoulCon Challenge really came from. When I read that the first time, I was like, oh my gosh, the Apostle Paul was like me? Yep. You know, like, that's a really cool passage of scripture. Maybe worse than you. When you see it, and it's like, oh, I don't feel shame, I feel acceptance.

Like, okay, cool, I feel acceptance with that, because I am that guy. And also, in that same passage of scripture is the freedom found in being a son of God, and that, man, there's no condemnation. Like, I love, therefore, there's now no condemnation for those who are in Christ. In the middle of that statement he's making of like, even though I can't do this, the thing that I'm wanting to, like, I struggle with this and I do the thing, he's saying, I do the thing I don't want to do. Romans 8, 1 comes in, and then he paints this picture of the beauty of that, and I say the practical way to do that is to have constant, continual suffering with other men. And that's what I found with Sulkhan, I wrote that in to say, running sucks. Like, I don't care, like, there's people that are like, I love it, and I'm like, eh, I think you have mental problems. That's okay. Dude, running is horrible. It's horrible. It's so hard. The worst. That's why the military still uses it. I mean, you have to run, but they use it as tests because running is about mental toughness more than it is about physical readiness. And that's what the military constantly drives in. So, I put running in my book of doing a 5K together, whether it's walking, crawling, we have guys that wheelchair it together.

Another guy, like, right now in Reno, Nevada, they're going through it, and this guy's pushing the other guy in the wheelchair. It's about the understanding that when you have shared suffering together, and you can talk about that, and it gives you grit, then you can face that together, and then you can also face a porn addiction together. Then you can face when... I have a dear friend of mine right now that just is going through the loss of a family member to suicide, and this just happened. But when you have that shared suffering, I have the right to say, no, no, no, how are you doing? Yeah. And I don't hear from him. I press in and say, hey, man, I haven't heard from you. How are you doing? How are you doing? And he said, man, it's been an effed up week. And I'm like, oh, dear, what's up? And he tells me what happened, and he lost a sibling to that. The joint suffering that we have from the practical moments is what's so important with men. Waking up early and coming to a men's event at 630 on a Wednesday is not easy. It takes grit. You got to get out of bed. You got to prioritize that in your schedule. But when you have that camaraderie together, then when the really hard storms of life hit,

you have that already established, where then I can have that authority to speak into your life to say, hey, man, I know. I know for you, it takes you three hours to run a 5K. So, like, there's no shame in our relationship. I just know that about you. And I know on that, we walked it together. You told me about your marriage. Right. And you guys aren't having sex as frequently as that you'd like. And you said you were thinking about going to marriage counseling. Like, are you guys going to marriage counseling? Like, how is that going? I think the greatest win for a man's life is when they surrender to the ability for another man to call them higher in Christ. And when you have that, and when you have something that really cares about you, oh, it is the secret sauce of living strong together when you lock shields and you advance just step by step, 1% a day. And you have those supernatural moments that speed you up at times, right? I wish it was all the supernatural moments, but. And when you do that, you've got to have the resilience and the boldness to be able to accept that accountability. Yes, and it takes so much courage to accept it, to say, oh, I'm going to. You can't be ouchy.

You can't be ouchy. The victim mentality is not anything that a Christian man should walk in. And we need the men to understand, hey, we all, all of us, like, there's not one person. You guys stand on stages all the time. You pastor an amazing church. I go to this church. But Jesus still had to die for you guys. Just like he had to die for me. So we're, we're all standing on the same ground at the foot of the cross. So there's no expectation that you're a better person than I am in the kingdom. We're friends and we're brothers. And when you realize we're brothers, when I fall, you're going to pick me back up. What I'm hearing from you, Cody, is, all right, there's a few things that are non-negotiables for a man that wants to gain ground and grow, right? Number one, we got to have a team. Got to have a team of people. You have to, yeah. Two, we've referenced the scriptures many times. Yeah. Listen, guys, you don't have to be a biblical scholar. Right. You don't have to be a biblical scholar, but you do need to be in the word of God. Okay, and the more you familiarize yourself

with the word of God, the easier it is to recognize the war that's going on around you and then be able to take up that shield of faith and fight back against the enemy. And I would say the last thing is, man, you need to be honest. Yeah. You need to be honest. You need to be honest. You can fake it till you make it in here. And what we want to do with Gaining Ground is build together a network of men, some of which live in Texas, hopefully, if God answers all of our prayers, it will expand far beyond that, that have a group of guys to walk with through this life, to grow together. They're in the word. They're honest with one another. They're having fun. They're building relationships. And they're taking ground one step at a time. So, bro, I appreciate you being here today. Thank you for your time. I'm grateful for your story and your testimony. Thank you, brother. And I know it's going to be super duper helpful. Guys, I hope you support Cody and everything that he's doing. I know you wrote SoulCon. Remind me again. Name of the book that just came out.

The Dragon Hunt, and they're all on Amazon. The Dragon Hunt, they're all on Amazon. And can I close with one thought? I hope you do. Okay, perfect. So I do action hero roles. I focus my entire career on that. And I love, and I think it's funny when one guy stands against an entire army of men. Like I love those movies, like Jason Bourne, you see that? That's not real life. Yeah. And what you just said is, I love the emotional exchange that happens when I watch Jason Statham like destroy everybody in a movie and I'm just eating Milk Duds and enjoying it. It's just fun, right? Like I smile my face the whole time. That's not how it works in real life. We do not win alone consistently over multiple enemies. I want men to understand this is a winnable war if you act like a warrior and no warrior throughout history is like, oh, I'm just gonna continually live on my own, fight on my own, have my own, my community is myself. And I go to church with myself in the wilderness. Like that's what I do. I don't need to go to church on Sundays. I just live by myself. Yeah, that's a lie.

You're gonna get destroyed and you're never gonna live like a warrior. You're gonna constantly be defeated. It only happens in movies. And we need men to understand I need to, with my son, he's gonna be the man of God that I believe he's called to be because I keep him constantly around men of God. I don't try to do it myself. I don't try to parent him myself. Men need to understand to be that person, you've got to stay in the word, read the word. Even if you don't understand all of it, that's okay. Read the word, talk to men about the word and be honest with your struggles. Hey, thanks for joining us on the Gaining Ground Podcast. If you enjoyed today's content, it would help us a ton. If you could like this video, click the subscribe button and turn on your notifications so you never miss an episode. If you're looking for more resources or how to get connected, please feel free to look in the description below and find our website, gaininggroundmen.com. We'd love to connect with you there. We'll see you next time.