Inmates In Death Row Prison Ask Difficult Questions About God

Okay, you know, when you was out there living that life, right, I just say, okay, you got support, you got money, you know, I'll tell my like, everything's pretty much more. Yeah, the way it's supposed to go. But at the end of the day, like you said, you have to step inside. And, you know, I'll tell myself deep down inside is like, you got to be feeling like, okay, I really need to go over here because I feel like that's the right way. But you also know that it's a chance that we get on. It might not be exactly what you thought it was going to be. Right. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, you know, like, once I do this, and if I go back over towards this direction, it might not be the same no more because then you're going to be like, bass, you know what I'm talking about? They used to rap with P.D. and all that. Right, right, right. And he was doing what he was doing and stuff like that, rapping to everybody listening to him. Right. And he started preaching and stuff. Then he tried to come back. Well, welcome back. And everybody like, man, he's doing jokes. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, how did you get through that right there? Like, you know, I don't mind knowing that that could have been you. Yeah. So, I mean, I had to move by faith and I had to have a mentor. So my pastor, he was just always kind of like the way he explained it. He was like this. You're like a you're like a car with no brakes. You're all accelerator, right? You're all gas. So like, I'm the braking system for you. So like, I didn't have anger management. I didn't have organizational skills, communication skills, but my pastor did. So all I did was just listen to him. You know what I'm saying? So like when I would feel some type of way about my homies, because I'm going to share a funny story. I'm not proud of this. But when I first received salvation, I would go. I went back to my homies and I was like, hey, you know, I'm Christian now. You guys should come to church. And they started laughing. So in L.A., when you feel disrespected, you got to get your faith. You got to fight. So I was like, look, I'm a line it up with you guys. There's like six dudes. We're going to fight. And if I win, you got to come to church with me. So I ended up with six of the homies and they were fighting. And of course, none of them came to church after that. Right. They're like, man, you're a Christian. You're not supposed to do that. So I went back to my pastor and he gave me advice. He's like, Johnny, you can't handle things with violence, a relationship. You can't force it because that's not love. You know what I'm saying? So I was able to learn these little things. I was always street. I'm like, look, I'm not just speaking violence. It's easier. But you need to sit down and talk,

bro. We're going to you know, we're going to handle it. And if I win, you got to listen to me. If I lose and it is what it is. But I was able to learn like, OK, I'm not really playing both sides of the fence if I follow the pastor because he's going to keep me straight. Now, if I try to follow myself, yeah, I'm gonna go back and forth because there's gonna be days where I'm like, man, I got I miss the homies. Let's go do this. We'll drink. Let's do that. But my pastor was like that breaking system. So you have to find a mentor, you know, and that's why we do what we do here is like I'm trying to get into these systems like a mentor people. I do that outside already. We do like, you know, podcasts and all that stuff. But like we need a mentor and I'm sure you guys got mentors here. Somebody who's better than you. If you follow them, you're not going to walk back like do this back and forth. What we call lukewarm as a Christian. So you need that mentor. I can never manage myself even to this day. I'm still like this with my pastor. So I'm always asking him questions. I'm always like, you know, I'm about to come to this Polinsky unit. What should I speak about? Like he's always helping me with everything. So you need a mentor for that, bro. Just for just for somebody else to be a believer and just want to change their life wants to go to earth that you give me. I would say second Corinthians chapter five or 17. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. All things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. So if you notice how he's speaking, he's speaking in the past tense. He says, all things are become new. Old things have passed away. So the way that you grow with God is once you start having these thoughts, because we're men, we're going to have lustful thoughts, murderous thoughts, all kinds of things come into our mind. We got to recognize this first and combat it, right? Because the way that Jesus fought Satan wasn't I rebuke you. I'm going to pray you away. I'm going to try harder and do better. I'm going to be obedient. What he said was when Jesus said, turn these, when Satan said, turn these rocks into bread, right? Stones into bread. He said, it is written, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeded out of the mouth of God, throw yourself off of the cliff. The angels won't let you dash your foot. It is written. Don't tempt the Lord, your God. So the way to combat your thoughts grow. And the reason why I read the Bible so much is because I'm replacing my thoughts with the word. You hear what I'm saying? So when I have thoughts of like, man, I want to do a lot of Koga, you know, I want to do this and that, right? Just keeping it real. I think about these verses. Wait a minute. The old John, he did hope for show. But this Bible says

I'm past the way everything is made new. I'm now able to combat it. Whereas a lot of people don't that they're in their thoughts 24-7, they're trying to fight, they're struggling, it's this tug-of-war. If you're in your word, there is no tug-of-war. It's clear as day. All this thought ain't from God, I don't have to follow it. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, amen. Man, I want you to keep it all the way G with me though. From the bottom of your chest, man, you know what I'm saying? The young G's you brought in the game, man. I'm talking about the ones that's really been out there with you, you know what I'm saying? If they would have had a chance, man, and even the ones that did, that changed before you changed, and really committed to you and told you, man, like, man, I really can't even glorify you no more because you still leading me down this wrong path, and I got something else, man, to look up to and to look forward to, man. How you really would have felt, man, from the bottom of your heart, my man? If I was, like, you're talking about if they came up to me right now and told me- No, no, no. I'm talking about back when you was still juggling. Oh, yeah. I would feel some type of way. Right. I'm going to keep it real. I would feel some type of way. I'd be like, yo, what you talking about? You know what I mean? Because back then, it was all for the gang. I was representing something bigger than myself, which was my gang. But if nowadays when they tell me, and thankfully they don't, they actually look up to me because they see the peace inside of me. Righteous. Right. Exactly. So, you know, it's the same thing. Being in the gang, the same thing as being Christian, bro, because you're representing something bigger than yourself. You know what I'm saying? I'm representing Jesus now. I used to go hard for my neighborhood, for sure. But now it's all about God. So we're in the same and the best position. It's just Satan is trying to change it for evil, but God makes it good. You know what I'm saying? So God tells us that you just got to believe, right? Because he did everything. And he gave us the gift by grace through faith. Right. Ephesians chapter two, verse eight and nine tells us we didn't do anything. God gave us everything. So let's say Gary, right? You parole out. And I'm like, yo, Gary, meet me in LA. I got $10,000 for you. A blessing of 10,000, let's say. Right. And if you believe me,

you're going to take the flight from Houston all the way to LAX. Meet me at this location and I'll give you $10,000. But let's say you don't believe me, man. Johnny stingy. He ain't trying to do all that. 10,000. I don't know. I don't even know if he has $10,000, right? Even though I have $10,000, it's your money and your blessing. If you don't believe me, you don't receive it. You get what I'm saying? It's the same thing. So all we got to do is believe and we receive the salvation. It is not something you achieve, try to work for. It's something you receive and believe. You know what I'm saying, Gary? Good question. How do you balance being who you are every day and not turning your back on those little homies because they steal and they miss and you're not trying to join them and they miss, but you also don't want to push them away and have them think that you feel like, because you came out of it, that you better than them now. You know what I'm saying? Like you were a better person. So I would actually, I did a call, like I call my youngsters, you know, and I tell them, look, there's some boundaries I got to set. I got a curfew. I tell them straight up, I'm not going past 10 AM or 10 PM. Cause you know, after that stuff starts to get crazy. Right? So I tell them, look respectfully, I'm on this path. If you guys respect me and you know, cause I take care of them and I look out for them, put money in their books and stuff like that. They know that I'm doing my righteous thing. And like, they know that I care about them. Right. I tell them all the time. I love you guys for real. Like, I don't want you guys to live that way. I don't want you guys to go to prison, see people get killed, get shot. One of the youngsters got shot recently four times. So it's like, I don't want to see that. So I tell them, I want you guys to know that we got to draw boundaries, but just cause I'm drawing a boundary does not mean I hate you guys. It's about communication. At the end of the day, a lot of big homies, sadly don't communicate to the youngsters. You know, they're just like, you follow me, you do what I say. And that's it. I'm always keeping an open line of communication because everything is a medium of exchange, right? Say for example, this whole room is filled up with money, but I don't exchange it. I don't buy clothes. I don't buy food. It's useless. You know what I'm saying? The heart is the same way. I got to speak and people got to receive, and it's got to be a dialogue, not a monologue. So I always talk to the youngsters and they follow me. They're on my lives. You know, they come to my events. I try to take them with me and I tell them, look, it's a Christian event, okay? We're not tripping on nobody. And they understand. They understand.

I got a question. When you first decided to change your life, I'm pretty sure it's a hard journey. You know what I'm saying? How easy was it for you to overcome the small things like listening to music, looking at the wind, everything, every day of your life? Yeah, the stuff we got in here. Yeah, it sounds like yes, sir. So you got the pool from this side I'm in the pool from this side. Yeah, you know I'm not saying committing crimes or sending drugs, but the little things like Listening to certain artists, right? Watch the TV, right, you know Because they show women on TV 24-7, right? You know the music I like listen to Talks about the street life. Yeah, but music moves me. So how hard was it for you to Just overcome all that. That's part of everyday life. Yeah, that's a good question. I like chit-chatting with people that You know, they're good people But they're not ready for the same lifestyle you are right and you don't wanna Push up over loop them or push them away because you know that they're good people, right? So for me It was hard in the beginning to overcome because we're so wired to live one way and then you just flip the switch It's not easy But pastor told me and it said this is why it's important to have mentors My pastor kept telling me Johnny is cool Like say for example when you learn how to swim or when you learn how to ride a bike He was like did you just ride it like perfectly the first time of course not you fell down you scraped your knee But the more you get up the more you ride it it becomes part of you. You know what I'm saying? It's the same thing with denying your thoughts. He's like you will have these lustful thoughts You will see women and stuff like that when you first start you'll fail, but it's okay You got to let yourself fail because we're our biggest enemies. We're our biggest critique, right? So little by little I started to like it started to get better like oh man, I could distrust my thoughts a little more Oh, I don't have to go to this girl's house when she calls me and stuff like that You'll start to notice this thing starts to get a gap bro, and it's beautiful in that way But we the way that Satan works he wants instant results instant gratification man If I'm not seeing it right now, man, forget this. You know what I mean? We got to stay on the path

That's the one thing like with anything in life, bro. It takes time It's a process but for some reason Christianity a lot of people think once you got God right now, you got to change Impossible, bro. You just got to keep it real with yourself and I was keeping it real with myself I'm not gonna change overnight. It took me, you know, 25 years to be this way It's gonna take me at least 25 years to unlearn all this stuff that I learned right? But right now I'm 35 I've only been out of prison for 10 years and I feel like I've changed completely. There's peace inside of my heart I'm not tripping on anybody, you know, I've traveled now It's a beautiful thing and it all starts with just a process trusting the process. Give yourself some time to fail It's all good. The world tells you you got to do this and you got to do that. That's not true, bro And the Bible says don't judge Not to judge this person not to judge this man not to you know, I'm saying yeah, but then it also has You got to discern the spirit right learn to discern the spirit and in these modes, I feel like well dang, man I'm judging now because I'm looking at this dude. I'm like, nah, nah, nah, baby But I'm like I'm judging right and it's like this scale that I don't understand. Sure You know I'm saying like I'm lost in this translation. Yeah, so the discernment actually comes from the word Not ourselves, you know what I'm saying? So the more you're in the word you discern better because you match that person to the word Whereas a lot of times we match people to our standard and our standards shift what you knew ten years ago It's not gonna be what you know now our minds shift our hearts change. You know what I'm saying? But the Word of God is solid its foundational so you could discern with the word That's number one number two Just getting in your word more is gonna help you be able to discern people Right, so and then if I was to give you a verse I would say Romans chapter 7 verse 15 and verse 20 Those two verses are really pivotal for me because Paul says in Romans chapter 7 verse 15 I do the things that I don't want to do the things that I hate I keep on doing so there everybody We're all like that. Nobody wanted to be here in prison. We all messed up We all fought and were deceived on doing something and then it led us to do something else And if you look at Romans 7 same chapter verse 20 It says if I do the things that I don't want to do it is no longer I will do it was sin that dwells in me

You got to understand that this person or this person whoever's sinning that you're judging They actually don't want to be like that. You get what I'm saying? Like we don't want to be depressed We don't want to be lonely, but we start being that way now imagine if somebody judged us for that man this dude right here He's always lonely. He's always depressed. We don't want to be that way There's something inside of us and dragging us which is sin So when you start to see other people It's kind of like I'll use an analogy of like a boat the reason why I forgave my father who beat me and you know It's alcoholic and stuff was because I visualized him like a boat in a storm, right? This storm is Satan and it's sin, it's rocking the boat uncontrollably, right? Pushes it to the rocks, pushes it into me. I'm the same person who was in that same storm. I was able to see my dad as teammates rather than rivals. Bro, we both struggle with the same thing. We're just struggling on different tangents, but I was a sinner, he was a sinner, and we're just, we're the same. So I was able to see, dang, my dad has trauma too. His dad beat him too. Like, this is a generational thing and I stopped judging him after that. And I started to realize, man, he's the same as me. I'm not gonna judge myself. Like, so I was able to humanize him like that. Those verses humanize people, bro. You all right? Yes, sir. All right. You kind of touched on my question, the answer here is,

but it's like, when we find ourselves in this cycle to where we constantly doing the things we don't wanna do, and with the verse you had up there, 517 about becoming new, but sometimes when you're going through this cycle that Paul went through and people looking at you and you preaching change, but they'll see you falling back to something that you say you ain't part of no, without a familiality. Sometimes you'll fall weak. What verse or what kind of remedy that you can give somebody that's going through that struggle to where they started to beat they self up. You say, I'm a new creature and I'm trying to do different, but I keep falling back to these old ways out of familiality. And then I got people looking at my walk and I'm hindering somebody from the path because they looking at me instead of looking at where I'm trying to go, they looking at where I'm at. Right. So I would still go to Romans chapter eight, verse one, where if you feel any type of negativity or condemnation, that's not from God. It's clear as day, God doesn't condemn people. He saves people. So I would say, always have that in the back of your mind. If you have negative thoughts, you're condemning yourself. That's not from God, bro. That's not from God.

So I would say, as long as you remember that, you'll start to see like, God is not a condemning God. And then you're able to, again, discern with the word. So the more you feel guilty, right when you start feeling guilty, you got to realize this is not from God. I got to stop. Because if you don't, you're going to spiral. It's going to open up a whole new portal to like 10 different thoughts. All these flashbacks of your past, all this trauma that you got, and you're just going to start beating yourself up for no reason. And it's all happening inside of here. Nothing's happening outwardly. So you got to learn to see like, man, these thoughts, if they're negative, they're not from God. And if they're not from God, I don't have to listen to them, right? It's kind of like, I'm from LA. So like, we have a lot of homeless people out there and sometimes they'd be screaming crazy. So I live in downtown. So they'll walk by and they'll be like, you got a demon. And they're screaming at me because I'm tatted down. You're a demon, you're a demon. I don't sit there and be like, what? You call me a demon? And you know, like chunk them and start fighting, right?

I just forsake it. I go around them. It's the same with your thoughts. Yo, you ain't worthy. Look at you. You fell back. Look at you. It's like that homeless guy who was on drugs screaming at you. You know what I'm saying? You don't sit there and go and have a conversation with it. You avoid it. You go around it. It's the same with your thoughts. And you'll notice, bro, the more you ignore them, they don't have no power over you. It's because we're playing with our thoughts too. Usually at night, we'll sit there and we just keep going and going and going and going and going. So you have to learn to discern those things. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. You know, as a believer, I'm a believer, man. I follow, I go to every service I can. I go to Catholic service. I go to Hebrew service. I go to anywhere I can find Jesus, I can pull up. You know what I'm saying?

And I noticed that's one thing that there's a lot of, a lot of division, you know what I'm saying? Amongst believers, you know what I mean? Which is, it's been going on with religions throughout the world. But what would you say to other people that are like, oh, this is the right religion. This is the right religion. Because like I said, I go to everyone. I don't have a problem with that. But there might be people that do have problems with, oh, that's not my religion. That's not my name. I don't call him this. I call him that. You know what I mean? So what I say is, it's not about religion. It's about relationship, right? A lot of people think that religion is, I got the right religion. It's about relationship with God. You know what I'm saying? I could say I'm Coptic, Orthodox, Jew, whatever. But if I don't have a relationship with Jesus, it don't matter. You get what I'm saying? At the end of the day, it's not about religion. It's about relationship. So we just have to hone in our relationship with God. And that's it.

You know, people will come on their own spiritual journey. I was a Muslim. Now I don't bash Muslims. People come to me and be like, hey, bro, you know, Jesus' name is Allah, this and that. And I'm like, look, at the end of the day, like, that's cool that Jesus is this and that. But do you know what he did for you? He died for your sins, made you righteous. That's the main and core message across the board, right? So don't try to be like, you're wrong. I don't debate with people because you can't debate the truth. You just got to let them know. And you got to see it as you're like the mailman, you just delivering a message, bro. Right? If let's say we work for USPS or something like that, you know, and we bring a foreclosure letter and they trip on you, that would make them weird. You get what I'm saying? Like, we're just delivering a message. You get mad at the landlord or whoever, don't get mad at me, get mad at him. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm just delivering the message. And it's very liberating when you do that. You don't get caught up in all the politics and all the religion, this and that. This is right. This is wrong. We don't do all that. It's all about relationship with God. Amen. I have a question about your family. Absolutely. If you were known to be a detriment to your family, if you were known to be the black sheep, everybody else was doing fine and dandy. And now you've changed your life.

Now you preaching the spirit, you giving the word, you changing people's lives. How do you deal with your family not believing that you've changed? What I always tell people that's in our previous life, we disrespected people and we can't ever tell somebody how to feel disrespected. You get what I'm saying? So they're going to feel some type of way and we have to acknowledge that. The way that I was able to, because I disrespected my mom, I disrespected my brother, my cousins and all that. And when I changed in the beginning, they're like, man, this is BS. We know Johnny, he's on drugs or something. He's talking about Jesus and all that. But as they see me change, they start to see the peace inside of my heart. They start to gravitate towards me. So don't ever try to change people. What they say about you is biblical because we did do those things. But as we're changed now, people are all on a different timing. We really got to trust God's timing. If God didn't give them the heart and the grace to see you for who you are, that's okay. Because it's not going to stay like that. What I tell people is don't put a period where God put a comma. You get what I'm saying? Like a lot of people are like, oh, they're judging me. That's it for them. Not necessarily. My mom was telling me when I was still carrying a gun and selling bricks and stuff like that. She was like, you're going to be a gospel preacher. I was like, mom, you got schizophrenia because you don't know what I'm doing right now. But what's happening now? Preaching in prisons. I'm all over the world, going to Australia and all that.

You know, it's beautiful. So don't put a period where God puts a comma. Like, just wait on it. It's okay. Because patience is faith and faith is patience too. As you wait on these people and you have faith, God will bring them to you. Well, my dad received salvation. Alcoholic dad stopped drinking. My brother, also in my neighborhood, received salvation. So they will see. Just keep on the path. I guarantee you. I'm living proof of that. Amen. This, this, this, this one last question. My wife at first, she was the spiritual one. And now it's like the inverse. Like now that I'm on a different path, like she's a total opposite, you know, and she's not receiving. She's not receiving what she was giving me in the beginning. She was my spiritual crutch. You know, she was the good that I had. Right, right. You know, she was the good part of this whole balance. Now it's like she's switched. So what do I do to combat that? Like I said, it goes back to that. I'll give you a verse. Act 1631. Act 1631 tells us, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ.

You shall be saved. You and your house. So she's part of your household. And the way that the Bible explains the house is the heart. So whoever's in your heart will also be saved. Right? So as you focus on that, who loves your wife more than you God, right? And who has more capability to change your wife? You are God, God. So you don't lean on her and you don't react to her as Christians. We don't walk by sight. We walk by faith. You understand what I'm saying? So you have to believe that God is going to change her. And when you do that, just like my mom believed that God was going to change me, even though I was carrying guns and doing all that, I changed. So he works by faith. So right now it's a faith battle. It's a spiritual battle. But the more you believe he's going to change her. I guarantee it because he works by faith. So all you got to do is believe that, bro. That's all you got to do. All right, sir. All right, I want to speak on the topic of being born again. It's been somewhat like a conflict of interest to me, right? OK, because, you know, I've been reading material material concerning being born again. And this right here is what I believe concerning being born again is that the definition of being born again is that this is what I believe right here is that, you know, when we when we lose our flesh and blood body and we become 100, we become 100.

spiritual beings, this is the definition of being born again. This is the material that I have been reading, right? But I also have heard also that other teachings being said that once we give our life over to Jesus Christ and we become baptized and everything like that, this is when we become born again. So I'm like, it's kind of like a conflict of interest because what I truly believe is, like I said, you know, the definition of being born again is when Jesus, at his second coming, when Jesus Christ's second coming, when he comes and we lose this flesh and blood body and we become 100% spiritual beings, this is the only way you can become born again, you know? And it's like Nicodemus, when Nicodemus went to Jesus in the middle of the night and he was like, how can I be born again? Do I have to enter my mother's womb a second time? And I feel a lot of people are just totally confused about being born again. Could you elaborate on that for me? Yeah, so being born again is actually John 3, 36. It's a verse in the Bible. And also like you touched up on baptism. It's a spiritual baptism. So there's obviously a water baptism, which is a declaration of faith, right? I'm sure you guys get baptized here as well, right? It's to declare like this is Lord and Savior outwardly, but you still need a spiritual baptism. So think about thief on the cross. He didn't get baptized. You know what I'm saying? But he ended up going to heaven. Why? Because he was spiritually baptized. He recognized that Jesus was innocent and he was on the cross, not for his own sins, because Jesus didn't sin, but for the thief on the cross, the sins. So in his heart, he was able to call him Lord and believe in that. So belief is what's going to get you to heaven at the end of the day. That is what it means to be born again. Being born again is accepting all of God's words above your thoughts. A lot of people cherry pick. They're like, okay, if this makes sense to me, then I'm going to accept it. But that part don't make sense. I'm going to deny that. And you're still at the center. God, you get what I'm saying? Because you're deciding what it is. If you're called to be a Christian, the root word of Christian is Christ. It means you got to accept Jesus, his thoughts and his word above your thoughts always. So that's

what a real Christian is. And that's what it means to be born again. Does that make sense? Yeah.