You Are Loved | Who Is Jesus To You?

Who is Jesus to you? To me? I mean, that's plain and simple, that's my Lord and Savior. That's what He is, it's what's turned my life completely around. So I grew up in a wonderful home, Christian parents, always in church every time the doors were open, just a lot of family stuff, a lot of being together all the time. My dad died when I think I was twelve and my brother was seven, so that left just my mom and my brother and myself. My mom, man, she's amazing. She's always spoke Jesus into our lives, always, even through our mess. So it was hard for her, you know, being a widow and trying to take care of us. And once, you know, there wasn't a lot of anything. There was no addiction, no drinking, no nothing in our family as far as in our home. It was all, you know, some, I think it was on mainly my dad's side of the family. So we didn't get exposed to much of that. So we, you know, we had a wonderful upbringing and she done, you know, the best she could with us. And, you know, we had some struggles, but it was, it was an awesome childhood, man. And when I started, you know, kind of getting off track was when I, after I turned eighteen, we moved from where we lived kind of into a bigger town, a little city, and started meeting a lot of people, hanging out with a lot of people, and, you know, eventually got into drinking. And I was always the type of person, I guess I was more of a follower for a long time. I wanted to be around people, you know, I wanted to fit in. So like I said, I got into drinking and I think when I was about eighteen or nineteen when I started drinking and, you know, it just, everything kind of started there. I drank, I guess, for probably a good three or four years solid. Messed up a lot of good opportunities, a lot of good jobs, got married, destroyed my marriage. You know, it was a lot. And I think after my divorce is when, when I started kind of getting in with a different

crowd, a lot of prescription pain pills and cocaine and, I mean, you name it, it was there. You know, I went from being a, just a casual user to eventually using it to kind of supplement income and wasn't very good at it. You know, I ended up using more than I could even sell and, you know, eventually I ended up getting arrested. I think I had some pills or something on me, was my first arrest and, you know, I got taken to jail and I think that was in probably early 2000s, I guess, maybe 2001, 2002. And from that point forward, it was just a revolving door. And it, you know, it eventually got worse. You know, as time went on, I was bouncing from one thing to the next. And I mean, I went through everything from, you know, alcohol to pain pills, marijuana, cocaine, and eventually got into methamphetamines. And so it was, I guess, man, it went on for, I want to say the better part of 22 years. A lot of incarcerations, seven, eight, nine different cases that I was on, most of them misdemeanors. And I would go in and, you know, it was like a reunion and I knew everybody when I went into the jail. I never really learned nothing throughout it. I was only sorry if I got caught, you know. I remember specifically kind of calling out to God only when I was in there and wanted to get out. And so, like I said, man, things just progressively got worse. Once I got into the methamphetamine use is when I actually got convicted of a felony. And so, I went in, and at the time when I went in, it was COVID was going, you know, everything was rampant, everything was shut down. But everything was shut down. They gave me some kind of a diversion where I, you know, I took so many years. And so, I got released pretty quickly and was on some kind of, you know, some kind of supervised probation or something like that. So, they released me, and, you know, my family had had enough. My mom finally moved. You know, everybody that really cared about me and loved me had to distance herself from me. So, I got out, and I was homeless for the first time. And so, I went to the only place I knew. I went to a friend's house, and of course,

he, you know, he was using and selling himself. So, it was like right back into the same mess. And so, I ended up, they raided the house that I was at. It wasn't long. I think I was out three months, and they raided the house and, you know, found drugs and stuff there at the house. And so, they arrested me, and that's what got me my second felony. And that's, I ended up going to prison behind that. So, in between all of that, like I said, my mom always tried to speak Jesus into my life. And I can remember calling her from jail, you know, and eventually prison. And through tears, you know, you could hear, you know, that she was crying, and you could hear the pain in her voice. But she would always tell me, she said, son, I love you, and Jesus loves you. And regardless, I'm proud that you're my son. And so, that was powerful to me, man. It was. It was powerful, and that was, she always let me know, even if I felt like that nobody else loved me or cared, because I, you know, I wasn't a Christian yet. I was like, man, you know, there's one person that actually loves me, even after all the stuff I put her through. So, you know, when I got to prison, I knew as soon as I got there, I was like, man, this is crazy, you know, because I got used to county jail, revolving door, easy time for me, knew everybody, you know, in and out. And when I got there, it was a whole different world, and something I'd never witnessed before. And I remember the first prison that I went to to actually start doing my time, once I got out of classification, I seen a guy get stabbed within 30 minutes of being in the pod. And I had been given a Bible by a chaplain, and I knew how I was raised, and knew, you know, that there was something about this book, and something about this Jesus, you know, because I'd heard about it my whole life, but it was like, I guess I was running from him. So I got in, and I just, I sat down when I, when they locked that door, I just sat down and started reading my Bible. And even with all the chaos going on around me, that seemed like that was the only place that I could find a little bit of peace. So I said, you know, I started going to services they had, you know, in the chapel there in the prison. And I remember going to one particular service, and I was, you know, they'd done the altar call, and man, I could just, I could feel this tug. I couldn't quit moving. And I was like, you know, trying to look around and find something to focus on to make this stop, because it was uncomfortable. And I ended up walking out of the chapel. I didn't go up. I didn't go pray. I didn't go do nothing. And I couldn't sleep all night. I mean, it was that same feeling all night. I remember my celly got up the next morning to go to work, and

as soon as he shut the door, I jumped straight off that bunk and hit my knees, and I gave my heart to Jesus. Even being in the midst of what I, for lack of better words, what I call a literal hell on earth, I found peace, and I found freedom. And so, yeah, it was an experience, man, but I'm thankful. I'm not proud of the things I've done, but I'm not ashamed either, because I know that I've been washed clean. So, when I was in there, after that had happened, because I was worried to death. I still had a charge that hadn't been adjudicated yet, and I was already on like four years paper, I think it was, and they were trying to add six more to it. So, I was already kind of out of my mind. I was like, man, there was just so much going on. But once I gave my heart to the Lord, man, it was like there was just this calm. I adamantly prayed every day and every night. I was like, God, I trust you. I trust you. So, I was getting close to going up for parole. I didn't know if I'd even make it or not. And I remember getting a list of these places. I was looking for a faith-based place, of course, and I got to looking, and there was just so many pages that they'd printed off, and I was like, man, I don't even know what to do. I wanted to go back closer to my family, but I was hearing a lot of stuff from guys on the inside. Some of these guys will probably never get out, and they were telling me, you don't need to go home. You don't need to go home. That's not the best thing for you. Of course, I would get agitated, and I was like, well, I want to go be around my people. I want to go see my family. So, I stayed in my cell a lot, and I was watching the institutional channel where they play inspirational stuff and people's testimonies, and they had some gospel music on there, and I kept seeing this show they had on there called Put A Word On It. It was put on by Men of Valor, which is a reentry ministry for guys coming out of jail or prison. I kept watching it, and I'm watching these stories of these different people that had been where I'd been, and just seeing them talking about things that were going on in their life, and above all else, not the material things, but just the peace that they had when they were doing these interviews. Every time I would turn the TV on, it was like it was right on that channel every time. I didn't know what to do. I looked into it, and I was like, that's Nashville. That's too far away. I was still holding on to some of my past, I guess, wanting to go back. Against my own better judgment, I went ahead and filled out an application, and they sent me an application. I was kind of reluctant to fill it out because

they were talking about you can't have a cell phone the first little bit of time. I almost let that deter me from going because I was still struggling with wanting to be in control of certain things. I went ahead and filled it out. A bunch of things happened. I tried to go to a place in Knoxville, closer to home. That door got shut. Two different times, there was for some reason they couldn't do it. Tried to go to my brother's home. That door got shut quickly. There was really no earthly reason that it should have been. They told me, they said, look, you've got one chance, and you'll have to go back in front of the parole board again. I remember coming back from talking to them at the parole board, and I was just like, man, this is crazy. Because they had told me that they were going to let me out, but if I don't have anywhere to go, I can't. You know, I got to stay and meet the board again and see if we can figure out something else. And I remember going back and I looked up, and I seen the packet that I'd filled out. And I was like, okay. So I go to the counselor. And, you know, I'd already had a meeting prior to that with one of the guys, one of the prison ministers that would come in. And I told him, you know, I wanted to be closer to home. And he was like, he said, well, we'd love to have you. But he said, you know, he said, it don't matter where you go. He said, as long as you're following Christ, you're going to be fine, you know. And so I'd already, I was still trying to kind of force my hand, you know, getting closer somewhere else. But when all those avenues shut, man, I come back to my cell that day, and I looked up, and I seen that folder that had the little emblem on it. And I was like, okay, God, I guess this is it, you know. So I go, and it was like everything just fell right into place. And so, you know, I get out, and I go to the campus in Nashville. And I remember when I first got out, getting to the bus station, there was like, it was just an overwhelming feeling of fear, because there was so much pain and addiction around that bus station in Nashville, so much homelessness, so much, I mean, there was people getting assaulted outside.

And I was just like, all these familiar feelings started coming back. Someone showed up to get me, and I remember them, you know, taking me to the campus. And when I got there, there was guys just like me. I mean, they had come from the penitentiary and, you know, been through that lifestyle. They're coming out, helping me get my stuff out of the van. Hey, brother, I know you don't know me, but I love you. And so that overwhelming feeling of fear and, you know, just the anxiety was replaced with an overwhelming feeling of love. So, yeah, it's been a journey for sure. And one scripture that come to mind for me now, you know, looking back, was Psalms 46.1. God is my refuge and strength, very present help in time of trouble. And that's what he was. You know, I wasn't, I can sit here and tell you that, you know, all I knew, God had me. I was scared. I was scared. And it took my daughter, which wasn't walking with Christ then, it took her a few words from her to kind of just bring this peace about. And I called her and told her, and she knew I was, you know, I was just defeated. And I was like, man, I went through all this, and I'm going to die. And she said, Dad, you got two things going for you right now. And I said, what's that? She said, well, for one, you know, you don't get high anymore. You don't live like you used to. I was like, well, you know, I'm still thinking, well, I've still got it. And she said, and you've got God. And that blew my mind coming from her because she wasn't. So I'm a firm believer, man. God can use anyone.

He don't have to be one of his children. He can use, I mean, he's God. Come on. And through that, man, that whole campus from the guys all the way up to, you know, the top of the ministry rallied around me. They really stood in the gap for me, and they encouraged me with Scripture. And it was just amazing, man. And so I get to a point to where I was getting close to my year mark, and I was just kind of hanging around campus. And a friend of mine that was working in the ministry at that time, he told me when I was recuperating, he was like, look, he said, why don't you start coming to these classes with these new guys and just kind of sit in and just kind of be some support, encourage them, you know. I was like, I don't know, man. I was just, I don't know. That was something I'd never experienced before. I ended up going and being a part of those classes and sitting in. And what I didn't realize at the time was that God was prepping me for what I'm doing right now. So, you know, like I said, I dug in, went in and was forging relationships with these guys and just trying to encourage them, trying to be a light to them because they were coming from where I just came from. And so I get close. real close to my year mark and I've told several people this story but it was like you know I was so adamant on getting close to home and here I was in Nashville you know and and even tried not even 90 days into the program I'd tried to force my way back like you guys got a campus up there now I want to go there you know so I still you know still kind of was holding on to that to a certain extent and I got to a point to where I've never truly said I don't I don't or I've never done it before what was lay something at God's feet because I always want to pick it back up I got to that point to where I said you know

what God it is what it is if you've got something for me here so be it you know and I was just I was at peace with it and as soon as I hit my year mark because by the time I made it a full year through the program I completed it my graduation we're gonna come to the next month so I'm like I'm just gonna hang out to graduation maybe I can you know start you know find a job or something you know because I was starting to get a little better and I made it like I wasn't even two days past my year mark and Brian Belzer he was the guy that was the reentry manager at the time here in Knoxville or in Knoxville he said congratulations on your grad you know you're graduating he said how would you like to come to Knoxville and I was like wow so it was it was wild man and you know so I came to Knoxville this past June and they were like look we feel like you've been overlooked you know because there was other guys around me got hired and I wasn't bitter man I was like this they don't make no other sense even with all the adversity and all these things it didn't make any sense for me to try to go anywhere else and God opened that door of opportunity and you know I got hired on officially the 1st of July this year yeah so it's it's been amazing man and it's like really it don't it's to me it's not a job it's it's a calling yes because you know I've I've been where these guys are coming from and I know for me you know Jason's not the one that got himself to where I'm at right now it's all God God gets all the glory in it yes so that's that's pretty much where it's at right now so those guys that are coming in that you can relate to because you've been there right let's say they're feeling kind of lost they're feeling kind of broken like they're not fitting in like you said or maybe they didn't have a mama that was proud of them right like what what can you say to them or what do you say or what could you say to someone who's watching that would give them some encouragement to keep going you know I talked to a lot of people now there's a lot of people reach out to me and I know for years you know hearing it from my mom my mom would always say son you you've got it you've got to give it to the Lord you've got to submit your life to the Lord and she would always talk about praying and I

hated hearing that because for me that wasn't gonna bring an end to my problem or it wasn't gonna solve anything right and honestly man whether you're in Christ or not there's gonna be problems there's gonna be tragedies there's gonna be good and bad things happen it happens to good and bad people alike but the difference now is because I surrendered my life to Christ is why did I keep going so for someone that you know is at a point to where you know maybe they're sitting behind you know behind walls right now or they're you know out struggling in addiction I would tell them and the only way for me the only way I ever got any freedom the only way I truly broke out of that addiction and came outside of those walls was because of Jesus Christ you know to be for somebody else what those guys were for me you know God used that ministry to change my life it really did which speaking of that ministry it kind of leads into the last question that I have you you talked about how when you first showed up at the ministry all the guys were saying they love you yeah I know I hear that a lot from guys who go to a faith-based rehab that that's weird to them a little bit because they don't have never had a grown man say I love and have it be genuine. And so it makes us think about, like the purpose of this podcast is we want people to know that they're loved and that's so important. But they don't know what love is and what it should look like. And so I always ask everybody, what did love look like to you in the past? And what does it look like to you today now that you've experienced genuine love of Jesus? In the past, for me, love was a lot more physical than anything. At that time, love was,

you loved me if you agreed with everything I had going on in my life. You had nothing wrong to say about what I was doing. Because if anyone said anything against how I was living or wanted to try to encourage me or whatever, I seen it as they didn't love me. That's what love was to me then. Now, to me, man, the only definition I have for love is probably Romans 5, 8, if I'm remembering it correctly. But God demonstrates his own love for us and it's while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So I was just journaling a couple of days ago on that verse and I said, Jesus went to the cross knowing that it was going to take me 45 years before I surrendered my life to him. That's love. That's love. I mean, if you look into the historical, the context, man, of that time frame and that crucifixion, man, that was not only brutal, but it was a shameful thing. You know what I mean? And I don't think no matter how many times people can try to paint that picture, I don't think we truly know what he went through that day. And we may never know, but I know this,

that he went through it for each and every person on this earth. And all we have to do is surrender our lives to him. That's right. That's right. That's awesome. Well, Jason, thank you so much for coming, for sharing that story. I know it's going to bring a lot of people hope. It's going to be encouraging just to see where you were and how long you spent there and where you are today. And it's just awesome that you're willing to open up and share that because what does Revelation tell us? That they overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. And so there's power behind sharing our story. And so I just want to thank you for being willing to come and share. And I'm honored to be here, man. Anything that has to do with bringing glory to God, because at the end of the day, there wouldn't none of us be where we are without him. That's right. You know, so. Amen. But I really appreciate you guys having me on and I enjoyed this.

Awesome. And I hope it helps somebody. Absolutely. Thank you. Thank you.