Chaos and Trauma to Living In Freedom Through Christ

- Okay, my name is Molly, and I was born and raised in Nashville, Tennessee. I came from an affluent family. And within that, there was also a lot of chaos and trauma in our household. I wanna make sure that I honor my mother and my father by saying they did do the best they could with what they had. But along the way, there were things that had penetrated this illusion of a bubble that we had. And that would be like the enemy and its tactics to kill, steal, and destroy. And that's ultimately what happened in my childhood. I think that as a child, I struggled with fitting in with other kids my own age. I feel like because of the way that I grew up in my childhood, there was a need to grow up a lot quicker than I had to. And ultimately, it kind of felt like I didn't really have a childhood. My family really felt like it was important to get me fixed, quote unquote. And they did take us to church, but it was more of, no one even really had a Bible at their house and we just went to church because that's what we were told to do. So it was checking off the boxes and really more about face like performance trap type stuff that was already beginning to be instilled in me, even as a child, which was also part of the reason why the trauma just continued to grow

even though they sent me to the best of doctors. Because ultimately what happened was there was a prescription pad taken out. So from a very young age, I thought I was broken and that I needed medication to be normal per se and was what it would chalked up to, which really led to a belief in myself that I needed medication to be what God created me to be. And I think that as the years went on, I'd still thought that 'cause my parents had sent me away by the time I was 16. So by the time I got into high school, I was already dabbling with drugs and alcohol. Both of my parents had a background of addiction and alcoholism. And so I was exposed to those kind of things early on and I guess I had really felt like that there was a void, there was something missing and there was a whole deep hole within me and the medications they had prescribed me weren't working. So I started doing smoking marijuana and drinking with the kids in high school thinking that's just what everybody did. But it was much more for me because I became a daily habit. I soon got into an abusive relationship with a drug dealer and this was just my freshman year of high school. And so the consequences just started to pile up even at an early age. I totaled my first car.

I was just drinking 'til I blacked out and my parents intervened and they sent me away to a long-term treatment center when I was 16. Really that program was for young girls who had suffered any kind of sexual brokenness too. So they did touch on that. It was a year of my life where I had first experienced what it was like to really be off medications. And so I believe that that time I really did recognize that there was a power. I didn't have a connection with God yet but I knew that there was something greater than me that was making that possible where I could be in that place for a year and not be on medication and really do these treatment assignments. And ultimately I actually believe that I was in a place where I was starting to thrive. So I got out of treatment and I started to work in a treatment center. And I managed to stay sober for about six years but ultimately didn't have, I never met Jesus. I thought that I had a relationship with God but had never been introduced to Jesus. I just thought that I didn't understand really what that really looked like. I've heard it said before, like you can be a fan of God or you can have a relationship with God. And I think that I just did what I was told to do because I thought that that's what I should be doing. So I was checking off all these boxes

but I really didn't have, I didn't really know what it felt like to be loved by Jesus, to be called by Jesus, to be known by Him and be worthy and all the things. So I had about five or six years sober and I had had a back surgery and was prescribed opiates. And I truly believe the relapse happened long before I picked up, before I drank or did any drugs but once I was given a prescription for an narcotic, it was one of those things where it was like I picked up right where I left off and I started drinking and doing drugs again. And so at that time too, I had my children. So I thought that I could manage this. Like I could take the prescriptions as prescribed. I could just have a, 'cause I felt like I had never even had a legal drink. So I could just drink a glass of wine, you know at night. So at first it was like, I was trying to control the situation like making myself believe that, you know, to get deeper and deeper into it. It was only a matter of time. I can't even really tell you what year it was but this continued and before long I started doing heavier drugs and as a result of that it led me to places where human trafficking was happening. My piece of the story of human trafficking is that I really had this illusion that it wasn't human trafficking. During the time that I was going to these trap houses to get to cop drugs and stuff like that, I was exposed to this but I didn't really understand what it was. I even remember paying a girl one time to not take a date because I felt so bad for her.

At this time I don't know if I mentioned before but I did come from a family that was affluent. My family was still sending me money. I had the means to be able to do the things I was doing and keep up with that lifestyle but it did come there came a day when they cut me off because they felt like they were being told to do that. They didn't want to enable me. I had them once tell me that I'd rather step on your toes than your grave as I was just completely torn to pieces about the fact that they had cut me off. I didn't understand. It got to a place where I was going to these places to cop drugs and alcohol and they were grooming me. They had taken my driver's license, my phone and I had been beat quite a few times for not going when I was told to go. At one time it got so bad that they had drugged me when I was drinking and three men had assaulted me and filmed the assault and then it was going to get getting sold over and over again. That's a form of exploitation that was taking place that I had no clue was going on. I was just getting in all kinds of situations and then I would overdose. I can't even tell you how many times specifically I overdosed but I know that I was Narcan at five different times and just knowing that even in the depths of all that knowing that I was going to die if I didn't get out and knowing that the Lord had his hand on me at that moment because there's no reason that I really should have been alive. I even went through a process of where I was in a sober living facility and they found a blood clot and aneurysm on my aortic valve so I had open heart surgery. At that time I still didn't have a relationship with the Lord but I knew that again like that he had his hands on me and that I was being protected because it was a miracle that they even found that while I was in the hospital but it wasn't long thereafter that my mind was still not transformed and I went right back to what I knew best and I was using and I was trying to manipulate that and that I would only use certain chemicals because I knew that I couldn't use that chemical for heart purposes and just doing anything and

everything I could to try to get that fixed again because I still had that. It was a God sized hole that I was trying to fill with me and main things and so that happened and so my trafficking experience looked like I said a little bit different than what the typical trafficking experience like for some looks like and I say typical I don't know if there is a typical one of those people that never even recognized myself as being a victim of human trafficking like I charged it to the game you know I just felt like it just came with the territory you know I was living life I was living and that's just what happened when you're living like that and I know now that's of course not true at all but I took a lot of ownership for what went on and so I had met this guy on Facebook and I thought that he was a good guy like he offered me a room to stay in because again my family had cut me off I didn't really have anywhere to go and so I started saying in his room and that led to kind of like what I thought was like a relationship type thing and then he was a guy who worked a regular job he went to church like and he displayed he presented himself as you know a Christian man that was respectful and kind and loving and then when he found out I was getting sober because I believe he knew he had me under his thumb like when I was using he had also taken my phone and he had kept me in his home for about three days and then I had he had been giving me drugs and I had blacked out and then he left the home and I was able to get across the street to a neighbor to get free and then I had reached out to Christina I had her I had met Christina like at another sober living house she's the operations director of the National Anti Human Trafficking Coalition and I knew that like she had something in her which I know now to be Jesus that I knew I was going to see her again one day and I knew that she had to offer me and so when I got to the end of myself I reached out to her and There was no question about it. And I needed help, like bad. And I was ready to get the help. And so she led me to a trauma care facility in Mississippi. So I went out there for a year. And it was called Transformation Garden.

And really they, I mean, they laid me at the feet of Jesus and waited for me to accept Him. And they literally, they talk about, you know, times, tears and talk. And that's really what they emphasize. And once again, here's another facility that I go to where they, they don't allow medications there, like any type of medication. So I came off about six medications at the time. And I remembered walking into the ladies office and be like, I'm more worried about y'all than I am me. Like I really did not believe that I could be complete without some kind of medication or something that was gonna help me because I believed that, that trauma was so deep that, I mean, I was in fear of everything. I was scared to go to the store. I was scared to be in public. I was scared to do everything I felt like. So I got to this place and I can't say enough about it. I mean, there was scripture written all over the wall before they even built the facility. I mean, it was really God's home. You know, I walked in and I just instantly felt the love of Jesus. I remember telling them, I didn't get him. There's a lot of times, I'm sorry. Gosh. Wow, it's hard for me to even articulate like how powerful it's experience was for me.

I just remember walking in and looking around and being like, I don't deserve this. You know, the lady that was doing my intake looked at me and she said, none of us deserve this. You know, because I was just beaten down. Like at that point, I was broken. I was, you know, I was just at the end. And really I look back on that now and see the beauty of that. Like I was literally at the end of myself ready to fully surrender to something. And that's something and that somebody is Jesus. And, you know, I spent a year there of just like really like getting down. And I remember thinking to myself, like, are you sure that I meet the criteria to be here? Like even at that point, I didn't understand that I was a victim of anything. Like I really felt like, again, I chalked this up to being like, I was naive. Like I made support decisions, which led me into these situations with people who ultimately were trafficking women. And again, I was only by the grace of God in his hands being all over me that I wasn't actually like in the act of trafficking before I got there. I was held against my will and I was, you know, abused by men and I needed some healing from that. And it wasn't gonna be from a prescription bottle, you know, it was gonna be from a man named Jesus.

And they literally just walked me through that process. It is a beautiful, beautiful place. And I was so grateful to have been able to go there. And really, they got to the bottom of also like just early childhood stuff that I had not had taken, really no one had really taken the time to sit down and unpack a lot of that stuff with me in a safe place. And so I built trust with them. And that's the initial part of like being there is building that trust with them so that I'm able to sit down and really share openly about some of that stuff. I think that, you know, the identity that I had was not the identity that Lord had given me. The one that I was walking in when I walked into that place is a whole different one when I walked out. And it was the one that he had given me from birth, you know, that before the foundations of the world, like he knew ultimately I was gonna find him and he had chosen me to be there. I remember a girl telling me like, you're chosen. And I don't think that ever sunk in until I actually got to that place and recognized like he had literally rescued me out of this place of darkness and placed me into a spot where I could just sit down and just be free and just relax. My kids, I actually had somebody who was definitely the hands and feet of Jesus

during that time who took my son in. He was a junior in high school. So he stayed there with her and I came back to visit and I can just remember him. He wrote me this card about, you know, I had been to treatment probably 13 times. This is what I counted up before I went to this long-term facility. And I would go in treatment and it was like putting a band-aid over something, you know, I would detox. And I would go through a 28-day treatment center and then I would come out and I would still have all the same things that were going on. And he wrote me this card after I came to visit him and it was like, you know, I've never seen you with such a free mind and a free spirit. And I mean, it just meant everything 'cause it wasn't even the words, you know, it's like more is caught than taught. And I believe that like even with Jesus, like people can see that all over you. Like and just see the freedom, you know, that he offers was more than anything that any facility could offer to any money, any drug, of course. And so my son was just elated to see that. So anyway, so I came back home, I started diving into the word

and just growing such a strong relationship with the Lord and just had this eagerness like to go back in and to share with other women that if he did it for me, he can do it for you. Like, and here's the testimony and he's written one for you too, you know? Because we would see women come in and they would need people to partner with like to go over the word with them. And so I started being in prayer like about what that was gonna look like when I got back to Nashville. So I knew I was coming back to Nashville 'cause I have children here. I have an older daughter as well. And so I wanted to get back and you know, God's in the business of restoration. And he's definitely done that with my children as well. And so when I got back here, I originally started working for a doctor 'cause I did some different things in my life. I went to radiology school, real estate school. I got my resume, it's just so silly because it has so many different things on it. And I really didn't know what I was gonna do but I knew I needed to get a job when I came back. So I started working for a doctor and I came back to NHT and it was like a member here doing the restore program. And I could remember when I came to visit one time Christina

was like, you never know, maybe one day you'll work for me. And that just like stuck to my heart. Like I was like praying that like the whole time that I was in the facility because I really knew that what was happening here was it was a mission that really God had put these people on a mission. And I wanted to be a part of that. So I was praying and I was volunteering here on Sundays and Christina called me one day and was like, and I was like, whatever it is, I'll do it. Yes, yes. And she was like, hold on a minute. She was like, my wanna come sit down and talk to me about this. And so like going back to my childhood because I came from like an affluent background like there wasn't, and I say it maybe that's me being like stereotypical to say because of that but really nobody was, my mother wasn't really in the kitchen cooking. Like there was people cooking for us. So like that wasn't fostered in me. Like being in the kitchen wasn't something I did a lot. And so I remember Christina was like, well, we actually have this idea that you could be in the bakery. And I was like, what, I was like, are you me? And like, you know, but it goes to show too like just in like all the things that have happened

throughout my life and how different ways that I've been stretched is the gifts that he's imparted to me that I have no idea I even have as I become a new creation and as he's transformed me into this new, like he's renewed my mind but he's also shown me parts of me that I never even put to practice. 'Cause I didn't know they existed. So I got in the kitchen and with Katie and I mean, first of all, like Katie is amazing. So we had spiritual mentors while we were in transformation gardens and I remember leaving there and being like super sad that I wasn't going to still be like that close to that spiritual mentor. And I just believe God put all the right people on my path at just the right time because he picked me up out of Mississippi and placed me here in that kitchen with Katie because she is, I was choked with her. I'm like, I want to be you when I grow up. You know, we're like the same age but like spiritually like she's just like a spiritual mother to me and I got in that kitchen and really recognized super quick and short order. It wasn't really about baking. You know, at the end of the day, it was really about fostering that identity that they had already, you know, really poured into me at Transformation Garden, but that was going to be able to be continued here.

This process is sanctification that, you know, someone's guiding me through that and showing me like how this call in my life is that strong and just stirring me up on a daily basis. It was just, it was really beautiful. So I sat with her and I was like, I can do your dishes. And she was like, no, you're going to do more than my dishes. And then it wasn't about a couple of months later that she asked me to be the assistant lead baker in there. And once again, I was like, maybe my kids were like, you can't even boil water. I was like, you should see I can bake a petaphone out. So I learned how to do that. And I also like, I was saying in that bakery, at the core of it is discipleship. And just really, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing is because we give hope to a city, like people that come in, it's an awareness piece. Some people don't really know how to help or give back in the human trafficking industry. Like in that actual piece of that kind of scares them, like, how can I help? What can I do? And that's an opportunity to do that. So we get to tell people about what that looks like. And so I got in the kitchen and did that. And then ultimately they had a job come up and as a case manager. And so I went from working in the bakery full time

to being a case manager where I work with victims of human trafficking and survivors. And ultimately the goal is for them to become survivors. And I daily am just blown away by what the Lord does and people in and through people on a daily basis. And it's just such a beautiful thing. As we talked about it before, I want to be a part of this. And watching the light come on and watching people just-- it's so amazing to see and to be able to be a part of. So how beautiful that you got to see in your own life, right? Where you came to this realization of who you are and how loved you. but now you get to take that and share it with other people who are going through the same brokenness you went through. And I just love how God does that. I know, like it's so cool. - Yeah, it's amazing. - So, and now you're here full time serving women, helping women who have been through brokenness and it's just, it's incredible. So I'm sure you see a lot here, a lot of brokenness. I think more than your typical person and realize this is out there because it's really easy to ignore all the problems in the world, right? And to just keep your eyes focused on your own life and what you have going on and not even realize all the trauma and tragedy that happens around you all the time. And so being exposed to that, I'm sure that you have some things that you,

you wish the people could have said to you that maybe you can say to the people who are living in that brokenness that could bring them some hope and encouragement like, what do you find yourself telling these women or just saying to them to show them how loved they are and that there's hope and that they too can overcome like you did. - Well, I just know that there's always hope like and I think that that's a hard question to answer because I mean, there's so many different ways that I have answered that for people like when they've come in depending on their circumstances but that the Lord provides a way out for everybody and in every circumstance. And if somebody had told me to just look around like look at your life and I think that it goes back to it clicking one day that it all had to happen to get me right where I am at this very moment so that I could be a part of a mission that offers that hope like that there are resources out there that there are people who want to help you that Jesus loves you, you know. So much more than that, he has a call on your life and that he covers all of it. Like there's nothing that you can't be forgiven for all of it is covered and that he provides that grace not mercy for us. I think that setting aside the shame and the guilt is a huge piece of that. Like for me to have reached out and asked for help

and it really took me getting to the end of myself but more so than that like just understanding that I had a purpose that he wants me to thrive, to live, not just exist like in that that is not what he wants for us and that he calls you to be worthy. Like he you are his child and that yeah that there is definitely hope and there's a way out and it may not look like it in the very moment. I know I had to have told people before like that we're either coming out of a trial and a trial are going into one. So it's like an effort to always a changing thing. And when we're in the midst of a trial, sometimes it's really hard for us to look outside of that and see like all the moving parts that are happening. So I believe that even if somebody's watching this there's a purpose behind that and that you know we can find hope knowing that everybody has the testimony that's written and that he has a purpose for you and then a call on your life. - Absolutely, absolutely. So one question we always ask when we do these interviews is about love. We feel like the Lord called us like we call that you are loved. We want people our number one mission is to let people know that they're loved. - I love that. - But a lot of times people grew up in brokenness and love looked very different to them. So knowing that they're loved by the world is very different

than knowing that you're loved by your heavenly father. And I wondered if you could just talk for a minute or just about what you thought love was compared to now that you've experienced that true love of your creator, what love looks like today or how you would describe love today or what's different today. - Oh, there's so much different in that and that's such a beautiful question. I think of love like when you asked me that actually the first thing that came to mind is like when I was growing up, it was transactional. Like that you loved me if I did a certain thing or if I behaved a certain way or there was always like there's like a scorecard for it. Like, you know, and I think of love as like it was not, it was so it was conditional in a sense. Like, and then now that the love of Jesus has entered into my heart, like, it's more, it's so much more than, also I think that the difference too is it's not just emotion. Like, I think that it's an action. I think that because the love of Jesus has entered into my heart, like people can feel that from me. Like it's so much bigger than me. I have a grandchild that I was just born last month. And I think of that when I think of love. Like it's almost even hard to like put into words.

But it's kind of like the idea of being grateful. Like I used to talk about being grateful before I knew Jesus, but it was like now like my heart is grateful. Like he's instilled in me something that I'd never known before. I'd never felt that kind of love until I met Jesus. And it's just, it's such a powerful, powerful feeling. And I think that everybody deserves to feel the love of Jesus. Like it's, and it's not transactional, it's unconditional, like it goes on and on. And I wake up every day and I feel that like heavy on me. And I feel so honored and blessed to have that. - Yeah, to know that despite any voices that you made or anything like he loves you. - He has created you and he chose you. And he's now using you to reach his other children. And that's so beautiful. - Yeah, I mean, he knew what I was gonna do before I even did it and he still chose to love me. And I think of the sheep, you know him leaving the 99 for the one, just running after being like, you know, just the amount of love. Like I think of the reckless love that he has for me is just, it's so beautiful. And he gives me again the ability to share that with others now. So that's so beautiful. (laughing) - Well, Molly, I'm so grateful for you. And number one, for everything that you're doing here

and the way that you're helping women is just so admirable and it's just amazing. And just for your willingness to be vulnerable, I know it's really hard to share some of the things that we've been through in the past. But I know that the story is gonna reach people who are feeling lost and feeling broken and feeling like they have to, you know, they're afraid to ask for help, they're afraid to reach out. They have that shame and guilt that you talked about and they think that this is just their own fault because they put themselves in this situation so they think there's no way out. And so you just showing that you felt that way but God provided a way and that there is hope is really, really special. And so I'm honored to be here with you today and just so thankful for your heart and everything that you're doing. - It's an honor, thank you for having me. - Yeah, I appreciate you very much.