Beauty From Ashes After Her Son Was MURDERED | You Are Loved

My goal is to share people's incredible stories in the hopes of encouraging you to keep going no matter how hard it is and to show you how loved you are by your heavenly father. This week, I have the honor of sharing with you Carol's story. Carol and her husband adopted a precious little boy who they loved dearly. He had dealt with a lot of trauma and fear as a child which caused him to make some bad decisions as a teenager. He broke the law and was tried as an adult despite his young age. Just one month before his release from prison, he was brutally murdered. There is no pain in this world like the loss of a child. This shocking event sent Carol into a dark place where nightmares tormented her. She was stuck trying to understand why God would allow this to happen and she didn't know how she could ever find forgiveness for the man who did this. Watch her story to see what she discovered. Tell me a little bit about yourself. - I'm Carol Atkins, married to Rick Atkins and we attend Rio Revelation for 14 years. - Wonderful. Carol, tell us a little bit of your story. - Okay, we adopted Thomas when he was 16 months old. He was a drug baby throughout his childhood. He was a good kid, cotton top, blue eyes, typical little boy.

And then he got into his teenage years and his half brother had let him know that he was adopted which opened doors and he started having some issues thinking that he could fix his birth mom. So we had to deal with that and he always wanted to fit in 'cause he was extra small and short. And so he was a follower and started getting into trouble probably about 17, 18 years old. He had just turned 18 and it was in January, I believe. We had a big snow and so him and his buddies, all of them was under 17, but him decided to go to a golf course and have some fun. And Thomas was a passenger and they did a lot of property damage and so the owner made an example of Thomas because he was an adult. And so that's where his jail time started. - Yeah. - What happened while he was in jail? - I know that he was scared growing up. He would always look in the cabinets to see if we had food. Had to always have a night light. So I could not imagine what was going through his little mind. Somehow he got transferred to another facility and from there to another facility and ended up in Wattsville. I think that's close to Memphis, I believe. And he had to do two years. - Okay. - And it was a rough two years. We did get to talk to him probably every other day. But in my mind as a mama, I'm like, okay, is this happening? Is this happening?

Is he safe? - You know, all these things going through my mind because you watch TV, you know. And so he would call, you know, and we would talk. And especially him and his dad would have long talks. And I said, you need to make sure that you're right with the Lord, you know. At that facility, it's very, I don't know what the word is, gang related, a lot of gangs. I think it was 1% Watt. And so he was probably about a month from coming home. And he had sent me a letter and a list of all the foods he wanted me and my mom to fix for him 'cause he loved to eat. And I was at church. And I remember that Rick said that he called and he said, I gotta talk to mom. And he said, she's at church right now. He said, tell her everything's good with me and the Lord. And it does a mom's heart, yes. And he had started a Bible study in his cell with his cellmate. Okay, thank you. [BLANK_AUDIO] I think it was maybe two, three weeks after that. I was at work, I worked for the hospital, and Rick had come home for some reason, and the chaplain called and had told Rick that Thomas had been murdered. He called me at work, and he said, "You need to come home." I said, "Why?" "Why person?" He said, "Honey, please just come home."

I said, "No, you need to tell me why." And he did, and my boss was precious. She took me home. Her pastor was already there, human colony, and I called my mom, and it was just a shock. I can't even imagine. A shock? I didn't know that he was fixing to come home, but instead he went to his heavenly house. A lot of things inspired during that time, because he was in Memphis, in Blunt County. They had to do an autopsy and all these other stuff. The guy who killed him, beat him unrecognizable, and choked him. Thomas was asleep. We did not see the body when it came in. Thomas's godfather wanted to do that, so we didn't have to go through that. He did explain that it was horrible, but I hadn't seen him in two years. When I asked the Lord, I said, "Please, I just need to see him." The gentleman at Smith that works on the bodies spent three days working on him, and he said he's ready to see. He had spent three days, whole days with him, and not working on him. There wasn't one blimish, not one mark on his face. That's what God did. He let you see your son one last time. That's what God did. I was good with that. I thought we had his service at our church. There was one soul saved, praise the Lord for that. Still doing good, still doing good. Thomas loved snow. I guess this is a irony, maybe that's the right word, because it had snowed when they went to the golf course, and he is buried at Sherwood out on alcohol highway, and it was in February, cold, and I happened to look just over there, and there was a Bradford

payer that had bloomed, one drink had bloomed, and it started snowing the biggest snowflakes. Somehow that brought me peace, little things that God does for you. After that, I spent a year in a dark place. I quit everything at church. I didn't want to talk to anybody, didn't want to see anybody. All I did was sit and cry, because I think back about the promises that God promised us about Thomas, and I'm like, "I really hate to ask why God." We just had a lot of conversations, and every time I try to go to sleep, I would imagine what they did to Thomas, and it was like a torturing spirit. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything, and we have a life group, which is amazing thing to have, and I asked them for prayer, I said, "I have to get relief." One of the brothers in Christ, as soon as I told them that I had a torturing spirit, and I just imagined them doing that over and over to Thomas, he said, "See us." He said, "The Lord said Thomas's last breath on earth was his first in heaven, and he didn't feel a thing." I instantly just... that's what was just breaking my heart you know and that was another thing God did press and we did get to talk to the nurse at the correctional facility and she said you have the sweetest son she said I tried my best to keep him in here all the time to keep him safe you know because he would get headaches and she just let him stay in there so God protected him you know but I just couldn't understand couldn't understand our church has a jail ministry now I think Black County was the first one and I believe I think yeah and now we have 33 can I say that it just does so much good for my husband and I we help support Black County and two others which brings us a lot of peace a lot of healing when souls are saved that has helped me so much and you know when you go through trials you try to think why why Lord what does this happen and then when you kind of come out and you're good you look back at all the things the pieces that God put together Ryan Watson was one of the first ones I believe from Black County that came to air church and our pastor had preached

on you have a seat at the table and I kept thinking that name is so familiar his family and our family are good friends and his mom would always call mine and say please pray for Ron he's back in jail he's back in prison and I can remember me and my mom praying for him and when he walked down except the Lord that was just another little piece yes of my heart because he wouldn't have even been there no if it hadn't been for the tablets in the jail yeah you know Thomas didn't die in vain you know there's Mitchell there's so many stories so many stories we had to go through a process of forgiveness to the yeah I'll call him a gentleman that killed our son which was not easy I pray that God sends somebody to him in the correctional facility that he said that will share the love of God with him you know he can be forgiven yes you know we have forgave him in our heart that's amazing but to look at his picture you know we was talking in his eyes are so empty you never know what they go through as a child or teenager even an adult I think I'm not sure of the statistics I should have got it but a lot of the the people in prison were adopted were in foster homes you know they they grew up without a good Christian home yes you know so forgiveness is it that is a big key of course it's in the word of God you have to forgive or you will not be forgiven you know and but everybody deserves a second and third and fourth chance yes you know God's grace in his mercy renews every day every day and it's amazing that that you can sit here and advocate for that person that did such a horrible thing only only God could heal your heart in that way because that's not natural that's not human our flesh does not want that yeah only God can change your heart and allow you to see his emptiness and his brokenness and allow your heart to heal to where you can come to a place that that you forgive him and can pray for him like yeah that's that's incredible but God says that in Romans that he pours And I think that's the only way. Yeah. He poured his love into you so that it could overflow onto this person that did this horrible, horrible thing.

And I'll look at people in prison different. Yeah. Now, you know, we talked about it. They may not have a mom or a granny or grandmother, or whatever, a sister, or even a dad to pray for them, you know. But I can promise them that I will pray for them every day. Because God loves them. Yes. He's no respecter of persons. He doesn't love me anymore than he does them or any less. Yes. You know, I've done wrong things. They've done wrong things. But they can be forgiven. Absolutely. Yeah. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us, right? Yes. And God desires that all men come to know Him. Yeah. So right, the number of wrong they did shouldn't interfere with that. And it's so beautiful that you can see that and recognize that despite the pain that you went through. In my prayer that it is soon, because there are times running out. Yes. In the urgency. Yes, there is. Yes.

Yeah. And that's beautiful that your son came to that place just a few weeks before that you have that confirmation. What a beautiful thing the Lord gave you, that confirmation that he had given his heart fully to the Lord. We get to talk to his cellmate still. He has no family. Wow. And so we stay in contact with him. And that brings a lot of peace and healing to be able to help him to talk to him to pray for him. And he has found the Lord. So that's a good nugget to hold on to that Thomas had a little part of that. Yeah. Yeah. So I know there's a lot of, a lot of our videos and interviews are people who themselves went through addiction. And I think we often miss that. We've had a few, thankfully, interviews from a different side of it, from someone who watched someone suffer and the pain that they went through. And so there's a lot of mama's out there who have children in tough situations, children in jail or prison, children in addiction who have lost children, right? And that's hard. I have a lot of kids and I know the pain that can come with raising children. What could you say to those moms that would help them through those hard times?

First, if you don't have a church family, find one, get grounded and rooted. Because your church family is closer than your family. I know that, again, we talked about the poying footprints in the sand. And Rick and I talk about that a lot still to this day. Not only did the Lord carry us, but our church family. They never once judged Thomas. They loved him. They prayed for him. I know he called one time and we was in church and Rick was talking to him and Granny Flow and Barbara was right there. He said, "Let me talk to Granny Flow." So he got to talk to them and they loved him. No, and it's so important to have a family that has your back. Don't stop praying. Learn to speak life over your children. That is so important. I didn't know how to do that. I was raised Baptist. Nothing wrong. I wouldn't trade that for nothing. But once you get in deep into the Word of God, it is so important to know that we have the authority and we have that to be able to speak life over any situation and to plead the blood over them. You know, to protect them, to keep them safe, to call down the angels. I mean, we could just go on and on. that I learned to do that. But I know it did, because he didn't feel anything.

There was a reason that God took Thomas. There was a reason. And my husband and I have talked about that with him being a follower. I don't know if he could survive coming out of prison, you know, having to maybe go through something even worse. But don't ever give up, hope, always know that God is with you, always. An unconditional love is very important. - Absolutely. - You know, you may think that you're the worst mother or father in the world that, you know, how come I couldn't do this or I couldn't fix this or that. You know, you have to give it to God. You have to leave it there. - Yes. - Carol, we always talk about love. That's the name of this series you are loved, because we want people to know that they're loved. But I think that if they don't understand what love is, how can they know that they're loved? Because a lot of people determine what they think love is or looks like or feels like based on what the world tells them. But we know that God is love and that there's a deeper, more special, more beautiful type of love out there. So can you just talk for a second about that love and maybe how you feel that love or what that love looks like to you now that you truly have gone through these trials and had to rely on that

or what it looks like through your trials or with Thomas. - Hmm, that's a hard one. Of course, being a drug baby, he had a lot of issues 'cause his mom did a lot of drugs carrying him. So, and I did love him. But when he got into those teenage years, whoa, you know, I had a lot of anger. I'm just like, why can't you, you know, do this and understand this, you know? When I sat down after the funeral and everything and it's almost like I had to ask him to forgive me for not fully unconditionally loving him, you know? I look at people now who go through things like this and I have to stop myself and I look at their eyes and you can see a whole lot. And then it's just like, you know, I've asked God to allow me to see them and to love them like you do. And I don't think I'll ever fully love like the Lord does, but it's grown so much. So much, you know, I had stepped back from being a prayer intercessor for a while. It charged 'cause I told God, I said, "Phew, there ain't gonna be nobody come to this charge. "Go through what we're going through, "so why am I up here?" And he told me one morning, he said, "Go." And I was like, "Okay, so here I go." And there was a lady that attends our charge and she came up to me, she said, "I don't know why I picked you."

She said, "But you're not gonna understand, "but my son is in prison in Wattsville, prison." - Wow. - And she said, "I'm scared for his life." - He's still there, I pray for him every day. God will send you those people who need to be loved. You know, sometimes you don't have the words to say all they need is a hug, you know? And then when I do that, I just ask God, I said, "Let them feel your love, your arms, "your mercy and your grace." It's something I've learned from her precious pastor's wife. You know, she, her hugs are healing, you know? So it's just, it's different. I even look at people alongside of the road that hold the signs up, homeless. You know, my heart goes out to them now. Just, I just see everything different - You see them, the way God sees them. As precious sons and daughters. - Because they belong to him too. - Absolutely. - Yeah. - Absolutely. Well, Cara, I know this was not easy for you to come and share this. And I really, really prayed a long time and really wanted to have you on here because I know that you were pivotal in the church being able to get the tablets

and get into the jails and into streaming. Streaming in 33 correctional facilities today. And the series is in those jails and we have gotten letters from people whose lives have been changed because of this. I have the honor of going into the women's facility and meeting with those women. And it's so much fun to hear them talk. They don't know, I'm not supposed to tell them when church I'm from. And it's so fun to sit there and listen to them talk about our church. And they talk about man, Rio Revolution on the tablets has changed my life. When I get out of here, I'm going to Rio Revolution. When I get out of here, I know I have people who love me at a church and I'm gonna go there. And the stories we've heard of people walking to the church because they feel that love through the tablets. That's what God did with the death of your son. It's what the enemy meant for evil. And God said, watch the miracles that I'm going to do through this. And there are, I mean on any given Sunday, seven, eight, 10, 12,000 people watching. And that couldn't have happened without you going through what you went through. And I know it was the hardest thing you've ever done, harder than I could possibly even imagine. I, that in English, we have words

for women who've lost husbands, right? And we don't have a word for a woman who's lost a child. There's no words. And the way that you lost your child is so hard. But God is doing amazing things from your pain and from your trauma. There are literally lives being changed every single day and will continue to change lives forever. And so know that your pain was not wasted. No one's pain is wasted. Sometimes it's not on this big of a scale. But there's gonna be a lot of people in eternity because of what you overcame. And so I'm so blessed that you agreed to come. I know it took a couple days of hire because this is hard to be vulnerable and share that. But any, many, many lives are going to be changed and already have been. And so I just wanna tell you thank you, thank you for sharing how you were able to overcome and forgive. It's something so many people struggle with. And just thank you for your obedience and your heart and praying for those people that don't even know that they've got someone praying for them. - Yes. - Thank you. - So you are very special. - Thank you. - And thank you for coming.

- Thank you for sharing my story. - Thank you. - What an incredible story. Only God could heal her heart like that. Wow. What I loved so much about this is how God took what the enemy meant for evil and turned it for good. Because of this horrific event, our church is now being streamed for free into 33 correctional facilities. Men and women are hearing the gospel. Lives are being changed. And even more importantly, eternities are. What a beautiful picture of redemption. God is so good. If you are interested in hearing more about our church and everything God is using them to do, check out their website. If you already have a home church or don't live locally, listen to what Carol said and get involved in your church. Create a community of people who can walk with you through all of life's trials. It is so important. Join us next season to hear another encouraging story and be sure to subscribe or follow so you never miss an episode. Most importantly, I pray that you know, no matter how far you or someone you love

have run from God, it is never too late. There is always hope because you are loved. [BLANK_AUDIO]