You Are Loved | Ashley

hear people's incredible stories in the hopes of encouraging you to keep going, no matter how hard it is, and to show you how loved you are by your Heavenly Father. You are about to hear Ashley's story. Ashley was crushed when her boyfriend was killed in a car accident, and to dull the pain she turned to drugs. Instead of bringing healing, that choice caused more destruction, which led her to becoming homeless, going to jail, losing her children, and feeling unworthy of love. Watch to see how God healed Ashley's brokenness and used it for His glory. Tell me a little bit about yourself. So I'm Ashley Canfield. I am the mother of four beautiful children. Malik's my oldest, he's 19. And then I have Ella Grace, who will be 11 in July. Eva Marie, who is seven. And I have a four-year-old named Olivia, and she is my joy. I'm originally from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, and that's where I lived the majority of my life since I was five. Tell me a little bit about your life. So I've been a hairstylist for 19 years. I got my license two weeks before my son was born. I kind of rushed it because of my partying lifestyle. I had kind of put it on the back burner, and then I found out I was pregnant, and I was like, shoot, I've got to finish hair school. So I rushed and finished hair school, and two weeks before I gave birth. You said you had a partying lifestyle. What led up to that? I think since I was a little girl, I had a rebellious spirit. I have great parents, and they did their best at raising us, and we were in church every time the doors were open. So I knew a little bit about Jesus, but I didn't really know the full extent of my personal

relationship with Jesus until about five years ago, until I found Rio Revolution Church, to be honest. I had a boyfriend. He was my first love when I was 16. When I was 17, he was killed in a car accident, and that crushed me. In my family, we are taught to push our feelings down and put a smile on your face, pretend like everything's okay, and I wasn't okay with that. I could not put a smile on my face and walk around like everything was okay, because it wasn't. My heart was broke, and I remember I ran away from home so that I could go to the funeral and the visitation. From then on, I wanted to cover up those feelings, so I started using pot and drinking. My senior year, I met a boy who went to college at MTSU, a basketball player, and he introduced me to cocaine. I tried it. It wasn't a big deal. We were just having fun, and that's where it started, and it just progressed. Over the years, I was able to cover it up until I was probably 26, and then it started showing, or at least in my mind, I was able to cover it. I'm sure some knew, but in my mind, I was able to control. What did the using drugs to cover the pain that I think is the number one reason people turn to that is some trauma in their life happened, and they don't know how to work through those emotions and how to deal with that pain, especially if they don't have that personal relationship with Jesus, but those drugs cause more trauma, right? You're using them to deal with trauma, and they cause more trauma. Is that the case with you? Absolutely. That was definitely the case. The enemy lies to us and tells us that that's going to cover up the pain, and it's going to make things better, and that's not the case.

It actually leads to more destruction, and you hurt the ones that you love, not to mention how much money that it costs. I've thought often how much money I would have had. And how did I even accrue that much money to be able to do what I did, you know? If I could go back, I would go back and make all different choices on everything I did. And I would have been, I mean, since I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a mom and a wife and I didn't even get to fulfill those dreams, you know? I had children, but my son, I wasn't fully there for mentally. And at the age of 10, him and Ella Grace were taken from me and I was locked up. I did about 13 years consecutive, at least four months out of each of those years, locked up. And so I missed out on a lot. My little girl, I haven't seen her since she was 18 months old. And I still hold hope and my faith is strong that we'll be reunited one day. And then my seven-year-old, Ava Marie, she was taken from me at the hospital for drugs in my system and hers. And I fought for her, but the foster parents won out because I only had four months stability at the time. So I pray that them to have a fulfilling life, but that one day that we can be reunited as a family. Absolutely. So my 19-year-old, Malik, he, we, I got custody of him back when he was 15. So that was joyful, a joyful, redeeming time for me, but it was also trying. And because he had started to live the lifestyle that I had lived, kind of raised him that way, you know? Right. I listened to all the worldly rap music and that fast lifestyle and, you know, the drugs. And even though in my mind, in my drug addict mind, I was covering all those things up, but that wasn't the case. You know, he, he knew and he saw more than I wish he had.

So he put me through the wringer, 15, 16, and 17. And he turned it around though, and he's, he's doing good. And I believe that the more he sees me persevering through and being successful and constantly telling him that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, that he's going to turn it around completely as well, eventually. Absolutely. So. Was there a moment that you hit bottom or that you said, I can't do this anymore? I mean, I know, I know people in addiction all want to be out of addiction, but what Not all, but we should. I think deep down inside, they know that this isn't the best for them, but making that choice is really hard. And sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom. Was there a rock bottom or was there something that happened that allowed you to get out of that lifestyle? There were multiple rock bottoms. Okay. Being homeless and strung out. And I used to have like, um, pictures. I kept my kids' clothes, you know, like I'd carry them with me in my car and, um, and I'd sit in there, you know, and just cry for days upon days. And then I'd be tired and I'd go get high again. Um, but I went through seven rehabs and three detox programs, um, all secular. Um, so there was multiple rock bottoms. But finally, when I had a miscarriage before I got pregnant with Olivia and, um, holding him in my hands, I miscarried at 12 weeks. It was, uh, very traumatizing and very eyeopening. Um, and I wanted to change my ways at that point. So I dug out that Jesus Calling devotional and my Bible and I sat in my room and I was and I cried and beat myself up and read every single day in that Jesus Calling book and

just cried out, please help me. And I got pregnant again with Olivia this time, that's my rainbow baby. And I swore that that was it and I was, I was going to live right this time when I was going to give birth. my life to him. And it was hard because her dad was still in addiction and bringing things in and out of my home while I was pregnant with her. So when we went to the hospital to give birth to her, I told the Lord when I held her in my arms, it was just so surreal. And I was like, this is it. Tell me what you want me to do. I want to do right. I want to live for you. I want to live for my kids. So I could audibly hear him tell me, call your parents. So I did. I called my parents and I said, will you come pick up me and Olivia from the hospital? And they did. And so we left with two suitcases and a car seat and we did look back and it was wonderful. I still, a little part of me still missed her dad and I prayed for him every day that he would find a way out and that he would find Jesus, you know. But I kept on pushing through and just savoring every moment with her and trying to work on my relationship with my son. So I did my recovery, my first year of recovery at my parents' house, that was 2019. So COVID had happened that year. So it was a blessing for me because I got to stay home and get paid to love my baby and to grow my relationship with Christ. I found Elevation Church online and I just jumped in and became part of the e-groups there and started tithing there. And I just, that's when I started to pray for a church like Elevation Church, because I knew that that was a key to building my foundation with the Lord and keeping that foundation. And so a year went by and I got my license back. I haven't had my license since 2006. January 2020, I got my license back. I got a job at Grant Clubs. I had my dad driving me back and forth to work in a minivan, packing my lunch every day because I didn't have a license and I wasn't going to, I was trying to follow the law and I was going to live an upstanding life. And so these are all God things because someone came in one day and said, we were just randomly talking while I'm cutting his hair. And he was like, yeah, I saw this for rent sign in front of this adorable house. You should check it out. I know the lady and she's a really good woman. So I did. He gave me the phone number and I called and she was godsend. She's still my lady of the Lord to this day, but she had the cutest little one bedroom, one bath apartment for $4.50 a month. I wasn't making much at Grant Clubs. So that was perfect. It was a God thing for sure. And so we moved here and I tried 12

churches before going to the church that that little tiny voice called Jesus was telling me to go to. I passed by it every day, taking my son to school at Heritage. And so finally I went to Rio Revolution Church and everything that could have possibly went wrong that morning went wrong, of course, just like coming to this interview. The enemy is always like, heck no, that's my soldier, you can't have her. Yeah. So, so I'm go, I'm, we're late to church already. And we had to park in the far back because all the spots were taken up for it. And I tried to wear heels and look cute for church that day. And I'm carrying this big old baby and two bags and I'm sweating. And I'm like, you know what? I almost fell. Like my foot went sideways and I almost fell. I was like, you know what? Let's just go. I go to turn around and there's a beautiful angel behind me. And she's like, took the bags off of me. And she said, come on, we can go to the side door right here. She just took me under her wing and took me in, showed us how to get signed in and asked me if I had anyone, if I knew anyone there. And I didn't know I did at the moment that I knew people there, but of course I did. But I said, no, and she said, well, sit with me. Well, I walked in the doors, and Elevation Worship Music was playing, and I was like, it's God again. He's just laid everything out for me. So that started, the wheels started spinning, and I just, my life just started going up and up and up and up and up. So I had been at Great Clips for almost two years, and I knew the Lord was pushing me to move on to bigger and better things, and I was fearful, so He did it for me. I got fired December 20th of 2020, and I was scared to death. It was five days before Christmas, I'm a single mom of two kids, and what am I going to do? So I no longer get into my car in the parking lot, and I'm crying. I'm on the phone with my mom, telling her what's happened, and I get a beep on my phone, and it's Dionne Watson from Gloria Revolution, and she says, hey, Ashley, you remember when we talked about you going to a full-service salon? And she was like, well, I just got off the phone with the owner of one, and she's looking for a stylist. Wow. So Sheer Faith Salon Spa is a Christian salon, and again, I've just soared and been so prosperous.

It's awesome. It's amazing what the Lord can do for you when you turn your life around, when you fully surrender to Him. It's mind-blowing, because the things that I wanted, He exceeded those expectations. In every part of my life. It's amazing. It is. It's amazing looking back 10 years ago to today. You probably never thought this would be your life. Never. I never thought it, and I wanted to give up, and I'm so glad I didn't. I'm so glad that He stepped in and gave me the strength that I needed to get to where I am today. It's amazing. Yes, it is amazing. I love it. I cry every day. Every day. I mean, it can be something small, and I'm sure there's people that are like, this girl is cuckoo. She is always crying, and she's always grateful for the little things, and my aunts, because I never thought I would be here, you know? The enemy told me I didn't deserve my children. I wasn't worthy of anything, so. You believed those lies for a long time. I believed them for too long, and I was a liar. How long now have you been clean, and doing well, and growing that relationship with the Lord? Five years. Wow.

Congratulations. Thank you. That's amazing. Thank you. It's amazing. It is amazing. Wow. I think every girl, five years ago, would have been like, she's so proud. She's so proud of me. Because we never would have thought. Yeah, but. But God. Yep. Yes. But God. So there's a lot of people who might be watching this interview that feel like they could never be where you are today. They think it's impossible to have their license, and have their jobs, and fees are paid off. Yes. Like, just even just living a life that you're proud of, right? So what could you say to them that would give them some encouragement, or hope, or some advice? What would you say to yourself five years ago, or whoever's watching that feels like you did? So I was in 20 years of addiction. And I told myself the same things, that it's not true. I know that Jesus is the only way to make it through. Because I tried all the others. I went to the rehabs, seven different ones, three different detoxes, in and out of jail,

work houses. But I went to a re-entry program. I highly recommend True Purpose, Doors of Hope, the type of program that's going to help you to sustain a sober life. Because the rehabs, the 30 days, it's not going to work. I know you want to rush through, because I'm the same way. We want instant gratification. But that's not reality. It took us 20 years. To dig ourselves into the hole, so it's gonna take some time to dig out But God works miracles. Yeah, I'm living proof of that I meet people all the time that I share my testimony with that say they would have never guessed that I was a drug addict, you know in recovery, so He can work miracles for anyone but I am Very I tell everyone you know that those rehabs those 30-day rehabs don't work It's gonna have to be Jesus Jesus loves us. You know he He is not the fire and brimstone that a lot of us Southern Baptists. You know went there He is a loving God that Gives us grace and mercy and redemption, and he's just waiting for us to make that choice It's a it's a choice. It's not It's not something he can force because I asked him to so many times like just force me to do it God You know like yeah, you can't you have to make the choice Nobody wants to be forced to you know for someone to love them. They want you to choose to love them I just want to talk briefly about When you were in your addiction what you thought love looks like But today how love looks different to you an addiction to me love and addiction was sex you know That's how I mean actually maybe even before yeah, I I thought that that would be love you know was

having sex Yeah, I was so wrong because Love is is Jesus. You know love is unconditional Love is seeing you through Your trials and your tribulations and your storms Love isn't about the physical. It's about your soul God is love and he loves you so much, and I love me. I know love your Your story. I love your willingness to share your story because it's not easy to talk about The mistakes that we've made and the choices that have led us down the wrong paths but it's important to remember we all sit and fall short of the glory of God and What an inspiration it is to see someone Overcome that and make such a difference in their life and and reach people. I know I know that there's More that you didn't talk about some volunteer stuff that you do and some people that you reach and Just women who are broken that you share the gospel with and it's so beautiful to me to see your heart to help others and Just your willingness to say okay. This is what I did and it's a mess and It wasn't good But God took what the enemy meant for evil and look what this beautiful thing that he turned it into Yes, and not everybody's willing to do that So I'm really grateful that that you are Because I know there's gonna be a lot of people that hear your story and think I can do this too. I Know that's why I went through all that. I went there and I'm not going to let the enemy use it for harm You know, that's why I do share people are always like Why do you why do you share all that, you know, especially my parents they're like, can you just not can we just leave that in the past? So I'm like no I went through it so that I can help others, you know Yes, so I actually have a girl you were talking about my volunteer work And I actually have a girl who is graduating today So I remember when she was first in the program I would go over there and cut their hair and share my testimony and I would go over there and

cut their hair and share my testimony and She just always looked up to me and was like, how did you do it? you know and I told her Jesus in my church and They started Allowing them to go over to our celebrate recovery. That's awesome. Here. She is Graduating after a year. She's got her a cute little cabin and she's talking to her son on the phone So it's I love it, it's it's so fulfilling to see others That's all I want, you know is to help others find the freedom that I found. Yes To show them that our God can restore and redeem Can do it for any never thought were possible if he can do it for me. He can do it for anyone. Yes Absolutely. You have to make that choice though. You have to warrant you have to warrant What Actually, thank you so much for sharing your story and I know you're gonna impact many, many lives, and so I'm grateful to get to be a part of it. Yes. Thank you. I'm grateful to be a part of it. Thank you so much for watching. Isn't that story so beautiful? I love how honest and vulnerable Ashley was about her mistakes and how bold she is that God can work miracles. Do you know that we have a God who can restore and redeem absolutely anything? Join us next week to hear another incredible story and be sure to subscribe or follow so you never miss an episode. Most importantly, I pray that you know no matter how far you have run from God, it is never too late. There is always hope because you are loved.