Sponsor Lesson

Good evening. I am a believer in Jesus Christ, and it was my struggles, drugs, and alcohol that got me here. My name is Mac. Tonight we're going to be looking at Lesson 8, Sponsor. There's a principle and a step, of course, that go with that. The principle is Principle 4, where it says, Openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and someone I trust. Happy are the pure in heart, Matthew 5, 8. The step that goes with that is Step 4, that says, We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord, Lamentations 340. So tonight we're going to be talking about getting help. The help we need to keep the good things in our lives, and also the help we need to take out the trash. I believe you have to have help to do both of these. None of us were ever meant to walk this road of recovery, or for that matter, walk this road of life alone. As I was preparing for this lesson, I was thinking about my life, and the help that I've received to stay on track. I have a good, godly sponsor, who in the early days of my recovery, set the pace for me, then never asked me to go it alone. He's been my sponsor for the last 36 years, and I'll just tell you this, I owe him a debt. But he would tell you that his payment would be that I would do for others what he's done for me. So, in that vein, I have men that I sponsor, who have men they sponsor, who have men they sponsor. Did you get that? My sponsor, me, my sponsees, their sponsees, and their sponsees. My sponsor is in his 80s, I'm in my 60s, I sponsor men in their 40s, who sponsor men in their 30s, who sponsor men in their 20s. That's five generations of recovery. My sponsor actually has great, great, great sponsees, and here's what we've done. We've developed a healthy, functional recovery family. It's a legacy now. You know, all because he said yes to me and showed me what it was like to live a good, godly life. So tonight I want to explore what it means to be a sponsor, and also what it doesn't mean to be a sponsor. You know, I heard a story once about a young woman who brought home her fiancé to meet her parents, and after dinner the mom tells the father, go find out about this young man. So the father invites him into the study for some coffee, and he asks him, what are your plans? The father said to the young man, well the young man replied with, I'm a Torah scholar. Hmm, the father said, well that's admirable, but what are you going to do to provide a home, a house for my daughter to live in? He said, I will study and God will provide.

Okay, what about an engagement ring? Again, I will concentrate on my studies, and I'm sure God will provide. Okay, well when the children come along, how are you going to support the children? The young man said, don't worry sir, God will provide. Well the conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father asks any questions, the young man simply said God will provide. Later the mother asked the father, well how'd it go? The father answered, well he has no job, no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God. So as we talk about sponsor tonight, we're going to see what sponsors are and what they are not. They aren't God, but they continually point us to God and our relationship with Him. They also keep us grounded by letting us know recovery doesn't just happen, recovery is hard work. So, where are we up to this point in our recovery? If you're at this point looking for a sponsor, you've probably already done some really hard work. First of all, you admitted there was a problem. You came to believe that there was a power greater than yourself that could restore you to sanity. Good, right, sane thinking. You made a decision to turn your will and your life over to Jesus, and you understood that it now is vital to have a relationship with Him. Now you're going to see that the road to recovery was never meant to be traveled alone. You will find that you actually need three relationships. Most important is your relationship with Jesus Christ, of course. In addition to that, you're going to need a relationship with your recovery group or your church family. And last, you need a relationship with a sponsor and or accountability partners. So, identifying a sponsor and accountability partner is especially important. before you begin the next steps and that would be principle four through principle six you're gonna have to have help if you're gonna work through a moral inventory because in this step you're gonna evaluate your weaknesses your strengths your shortcomings and if you try to do that alone I heard somebody once say it's kind of like trying to dribble a football you just can't do it so taking that moral inventory is all about coming clean Proverbs 15 14 14 tells us this a wise person is hungry for the truth while a

fool feeds on the trash so here's the question are you ready to feed on the truth about your life if you are it's time to take out the trash but the trash can get pretty heavy and there's a lot of it and we don't ever want to try to do that alone I know here in Colorado it's springtime right now in the Rockies this is the time of the year when the Bears come out of hibernation so I learned the hard way not to put all my trash in the dumpster by myself because no matter how fortified my dumpster was and the one I have is it has a steel top with bars welded on the top the Bears will still find a way to get the trash out actually what they do up here is they literally tear the metal top off my dumpster then turn the dumpster upside down and scatter trash everywhere this dumpster is so big but I have to go get a tractor to turn it back over so here's what I've learned during this time of the year I take my trash to the garbage I make a pile for two weeks and when that two weeks is over then I take it to the dumpster but you know what I do at the end of that two weeks I enlist marry my wife or an unsuspecting grandson to help me take all that trash to the dumpster because it's no fun to do it alone and it takes a lot longer well that's just like taking out the trash in our recovery we need help from a mentor coach or in recovery terms a sponsor and or accountability partners so many of you may be unconvinced at this point do I really need someone else to walk alongside me in this road to recovery and you're thinking I can do this you can still do it alone well tonight we're gonna answer five questions and I think at the end of this you'll see you don't ever need to try to do it alone first question why do I need a sponsor and or accountability partner number two what are the qualities of a sponsor number three what does the sponsor do number four how do I find a sponsor and or accountability partner and number five what is the difference between a sponsor and accountability partners all right here we go why do I need a sponsor and or an accountability partner or partners well there are three reasons why you need a sponsor and accountability partners first of all and most important a sponsor or accountability partner is biblical Ecclesiastes 4 9

through 12 tells us this two are better than one because they together can work more efficiently if one falls down the other can help him up but if someone is alone there is no one to help him up two men can resist an attack that would defeat one man alone wow I like that verse Proverbs 27 17 tells us this iron sharpens iron so one man or woman sharpens another also did you know that the phrase one another is used over 50 times in the New Testament next having a sponsor or accountability partner is a key part of your recovery program your recovery program has four key elements to success if your program includes each of these areas you're well on your way to a solution and more importantly you're well on your way to wholeness the first key is maintaining your honest view of the reality of the work you're doing in each step you know I have yet to see this program fail for someone who could be completely honest with themselves I have however seen people give up on their recoveries because they couldn't step out of their denial and to God's truth and they found out that they couldn't do this alone so having someone to help you and take that honest real steps towards recovery well that's gets you well on your way to working through these steps and gaining that wholeness that we all came here to get the second key element is making your attendance at recovery meetings a priority in your schedule. That's huge! You know, this doesn't include taking the summer off or not going to meetings because it's raining outside. Oh, it's bad weather. Now, don't get me wrong. It's great to take a vacation, but after a couple weeks, come back to your meetings. Remember, your hurts, hang-ups, and habits never take vacations. You need to make meeting nights at Celebrate Recovery and your other meetings, too, a priority. So, a sponsor and accountability partner can encourage you to attend your meetings. My sponsor told me one time when I didn't want to come to a meeting. He said, that's okay. Bring your butt and your head will finally catch up. You know what? It did. Meetings became a priority. The third element, maintaining your spiritual program with Jesus Christ through prayer, meditation, and the study of his words. The last key element to a successful program is getting involved in service. Once you've completed Principle 8, you

will be able to serve as a sponsor. Until that time, however, there's plenty of other service opportunities to get involved in. You know, service is really a visible sign of your gratitude. We need help in the kitchen at our Celebrate Recovery all the time. We need help with Solid Rock Cafe that time after Open Share Group. Passing out bulletins. There's a ton of things that you can do in Celebrate Recovery. And if you want to get involved, just see one of your leaders at your group. Your sponsor can also suggest ways for you to serve. Without exception, everyone needs a sponsor and or accountability partner. Having a sponsor and accountability partner is the best guard against relap because they can provide that feedback to keep us on track. A sponsor and accountability partner can see those old dysfunctional, self-defeating patterns that begin to surface in our lives and then point them out to us quickly before they take root. They can confront you with truth and love without placing shame or guilt. I love to say that Celebrate Recovery is the no guilt, no shame zone. You know, my sponsor helped me in one of the biggest areas of my life and that was forgiving my dad, even though my dad never asked for forgiveness. You know, this wasn't about him. It was about my recovery, my peace of mind right up here. My sponsor helped me with that. Ecclesiastes 7.5 tells us that it's better to be criticized by a wise man than praised by a fool. The trouble with some of us though is that we'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by constructive criticism. So what are some qualities of a sponsor? Proverbs 25 tells us this, though good advice lies deep within a counselor's heart, the wise man or woman will draw that out. So when you're selecting a sponsor, look for the following qualities. Does their walk match their talk? Are they living out the eight principles in their life? You know, if they struggle with anger and you see them cussing somebody out at the gas station, not a good sign. If they struggle with porn and you see them checking out chicks all the time, not a good sign. If they struggle with mood-altering chemicals and you see them at the local marijuana store, that's not a good sign. You get the point. Does their walk match their talk? You know, they may know a lot about the 12 steps

and they may know how to talk the talk, but their walk has got to match that talk. Be certain that the person that you choose as a sponsor is someone whose life's example is worthy of imitation. Number two, do they have a growing relationship with Jesus Christ? I want to see them, my sponsor, developing a character of Christ in themselves, too. Number three, do they express the desire to help others on the road to recovery? You know, there's a difference between helping others and trying to fix them. We all need to be careful to guard the sponsorship relationship from becoming unhealthy or codependent. Number four, do they show compassion, care, and hope, but not pity? You know, you don't need someone to feel sorry for you. You just don't, but you do need someone to be sensitive to your pain. Number four, are they good listeners? We all want someone that really listens to us. Do you sense that they honestly care about what you have to say? You know, I don't always want an answer. Sometimes I just need someone. to listen to me. Number five, are they strong enough to confront your denial or your procrastination? Do they care enough about you, in other words, and your recovery to challenge you? Because if they don't, that's not going to be somebody you want. Number seven, do they offer suggestions? You know, sometimes we need to help and just seeing our options or alternatives that we're unable to see or find on our own, so a good sponsor can take an objective view and offer suggestions. They should not, however, give orders. Number eight, can they share their current struggles with others? Are they willing to be open? Are they vulnerable and transparent themselves? Remember, they're not God, so they don't need to be someone that has arrived. I want a sponsor who is living and working the principles every day. All right, so what's the role of a sponsor then? Well, I'll give you six things that a sponsor can do. One, they can be there to discuss issues in detail that are too personal or that would simply just take too much time in an open share meeting.

You know, this is especially true with principle four. You don't share your complete inventory in a group setting, but the sponsor can be there to share his or her own experiences and to offer strength and hope. The sponsor's role is to model Christ's grace, forgiveness, and then give you a sense of perspective on how that could work for you. Number two, they're available in times of crisis or potential relapse. I've always told the newcomers that I sponsor, call me before you take the first drink. You can still take the drink after we talk if that's what you decide to do, but please call first. Ecclesiastes 4.12 says this, two men can resist an attack that would defeat one man alone. One of my sponsors years ago didn't call me before a relapse. I asked him later, I said, why didn't you call me first? He said, well, probably because I was lazy, but actually because I thought you might talk me out of it. You know what I asked him next? Well, was it worth it? He gave an emphatic no. Three, they serve as a sounding board to provide an objective point of view. You know, this is especially true in principle six when you're dealing with the sensitive areas about making amends and offering forgiveness. You need a good sounding board in that. Number four, they are there to encourage you to work the principles at your own speed. Now, I'll tell you this, it's not your sponsor's job to work the principles for you. They can coach your progress, confront you when you're stuck, slow you down when you're working too fast, but they're not going to work the principles for you. Number six, most important, they work hard to model the lifestyle that results from working the eight principles. It's difficult to inspire others to accomplish what you haven't been willing to do yourself, so a good sponsor

lives out the principles. Number seven, a sponsor can resign or be fired. Sponsorship is not a lifetime position. All right, so how do I find the sponsor and accountability partners? Well, the responsibility of finding a sponsor or accountability partner is yours, but I'll give you a few guidelines to help you in that search. First and foremost, and I don't think this needs to be discussed much, but they must be of the same sex as you, no exceptions. Number two, can you relate to the person's story? You know, if you're choosing someone to be your sponsor, do they meet the qualities of a good sponsor that we've already covered? Number three, come to the meal beforehand. If you don't have the meal beforehand, come to Solid Rock Cafe afterwards. Invest some time in fellowship and get to know others in the group. The main reason we have those fellowship events is so people can find sponsors and accountability partners. You know, if you ask someone, number four, if you ask someone to be your sponsor and accountability partner and that person says no, listen to me, do not take that personal. It's not a rejection. Remember, their own recovery has to come first. I know a lot of you have asked your small group leaders to be your sponsor. Well, you know what? They're probably already sponsoring a lot of other people and they have responsibility of leadership. If they turn you down, it's not personal. Their plate is just simply too full. If someone turns you down, here's a simple fix. Ask. someone else. You can even get a temporary sponsor and accountability partner because remember, these are not lifetime commitments. Number five, most importantly,

ask God to lead you to that sponsor or accountability partner of his choosing. He knows who you need. He knows everybody at your celebratory recovery and he already has someone in mind for you. Real quickly, what's the difference between a sponsor and accountability partner? Well, a sponsor is someone who has completed a step study and has worked through the eight principles and steps. So they've met the six requirements that we've already talked about in the role of a sponsor. So the main goal of this relationship is to choose someone to guide you through the program, something that they are already working through and have already completed that step study. Accountability partner is someone you ask to hold you accountable for certain areas of your recovery, such as meeting attendants, journaling, and so forth. This person, here's the important part, they can be on the same level of recovery that you are, unlike the sponsor who should have already completed a step study. The main goal of this relationship is to encourage one another and I really encourage you not to just get one accountability partner, but form a accountability partner team, three, four, five, or six, as many as you can put on that team. Accountability partner acts as teammates,

where the sponsor acts as a coach. And I'm here to tell you this, you can start forming the accountability teams in your small group, in your open share groups, at your next meeting. When you share, just ask if anyone is interested. Let God work and see what happens. I can guarantee you this, nothing's gonna happen unless you ask. Well, that was an overview on what you're looking for in a sponsor and I'm very grateful that you joined us for this video. And if you don't have a sponsor, an accountability team, it's my prayer that you start trying to find one as quickly as possible. Remember, ask God to direct your steps to the sponsor or accountability partner that he has waiting for you. Let's pray. Father God, to everyone looking for a sponsor or accountability partner or team, it's my prayer that you direct them to just the right people to help them become the people that you have them destined to be. In Jesus name, amen. Thanks for sharing, being here with me tonight. Thanks for sharing in this study tonight. I pray God brings you to just the right person.