Spiritual Inventory Part 2

Hey Forever family, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggle with drugs and alcohol and perfectionism. My name is Rodney It's good to be back with you as we continue this conversation around a step four principle four And I'll get into that in just a second But there's a central thought that I want you to hold on to in our next few minutes together as you process this Principle this important life-giving principle for us and it's this that that honoring and organizing my past brings lasting healing And that's really what we're doing in this space. I don't know if you've ever seen a tree that has been cut into You'll notice that there's these rings in the tree and people much smarter than me Can can be able to know specifically some data that they're seeing in those rings. But what they will tell you is If you look at the rings, they can they can look at you know They it kind of marks the years through that trees life and they'll see a distinct mark and they'll say Oh, this is when there was a flood in This year there was a forest fire. Oh There was a disease during this season of life, right? And all those are marks that indicate the lifespan of the of the tree and in celebrate recovery That's what we're doing You know one of the the things that can be tempting is we're trying to go back to Pull up our past because we want to we want to shame ourselves or we want to shame people and make them feel worse We're trying to honor our story so that we can understand it to understand the good reasons why we do what we do when we think about the Inventory process the the my part Sometimes as a church Capital c church we get it backwards and we focus on the my part manage the behavior And not deal with the all the stuff in front of that and what we're trying to do is organize the damage the effect the events Honor the pain put that in words so that we can understand why we do what we do Why do we run to what we do so that we can move forward with health and growth? And so principle four Uh reads this way openly examine and confess my faults to myself to god and to someone I trust

And the beatitude is in matthew 5 8 happy or blessed It's the same greek word. It just means blessedness in spite of our Circumstances, right? Sometimes we think our circumstances have to be better. Then we'll be blessed and happy Now the beatitude is actually talking to the contrary How do we walk in blessedness in spite of our circumstances blessed are the pure in heart And then step four is we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and then lamentations 340s of scripture that goes with that let us examine our ways and test them And let us return to the lord. That's in essence what we're doing. We're trying to examine and we're trying to Return to lord Because because of those things in our life there may be some things that have caused us to build separation unresolved sin when we look at the cross There's twofold that we're seeing on the cross one is the sin that we have done That's kind of where we kind of start with it's like, ah, i'm going to look at all the bad things i've done But it's also the things done to us because we want to move forward with health and growth And so on the last lesson kind of unpack the the priorities and how important priorities Evaluating our attitudes our relationship with others and our integrity um In essence, we're organizing the events that took place in our life the pain the wound the trauma Um, what's a trauma trauma is where we have this sense of hopelessness or helplessness Hopelessness Combined with someone that should have been there to help us Kind of dropped us and we felt abandoned. So That's some of the spaces that we're doing with this we're we're trying to look at the events of where we've been hurt or experienced trauma in our life and And maybe we've built up some protectant walls

You know when I walked through the doors at celibate recovery, I kind of built this false version of myself It's funny how shame works we We can buy into the notion that maybe it would be better We're better served if you will love The false version of myself it feels safer Than for you to see the real me. I can't afford for you to see me the real me And so what do we do? we go to these numbing agents and we go to things to make us feel better coping strategies and What we're trying to do is give some new strategies here. And so that's the heart of Principle 4, Step 4, is to understand our story, to honor it, to organize it. Why? So that we can bring lasting healing and find purpose, find our calling, meaning to our life in spite of the pain. I know there's an old German word, Elend, for misery. I think sometimes in our efforts to avoid this space to face our pain, we live on misery island. And this German word literally means to wander away from our native land and stay in a state of hopelessness. And that's where we want to take you away from, to move you toward hopefulness. And that's why we're doing this. Because maybe you've bought into the same narratives that I have that we're not allowed to talk about this, we can't talk about that, we shouldn't talk about it, it'll just get worse. And then we find ourself reinforcing

this place of avoidance, self-protection, self-reliance, and now we're kind of playing God with our life. And so I want to kind of take you into a second phase of a category, starting with our mind. You know, the mind is interesting. It regulates everything else in our body through language. And I love Romans 12 too, gives us this clear direction regarding our minds. It says, do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. So with the mind, it's interesting, and I just want you to be mindful of how these all flow together. We have the mind, which affects the body, which affects the family, which ultimately affects the church. But it starts with the mind. There's three things, factors, in my recovery. What have I been dwelling my mind on? What is my heart longing for? Or you could say, having affection toward. That's kind of where I worship. What are we worshiping? And it feels weird to say that, but we can worship idols and that kind of thing. And then how do my actions follow that?

And so that's why we're leaning into this. So some of those spaces, those questions that we ask ourself in this space, and it's good to just pause and ask ourselves, is have I guarded my mind in the past? What did I deny? What did I try to get away from that caused havoc in my life? Is there some pain points that we were covering in Spiritual Inventory Part One? Now we're kind of getting into the damage and the effect. How does this damage my mind? But have I filled my mind with hurtful things? Playing God and having unhealthy coping strategies. Ultimately, what we feed our mind will ripple out. Years ago, I was having some blood sugar issues and I had to go to the doctor, and they diagnosed me with hypoglycemia. And they sent me to a nutritionist, and they had all these little plastic foods. And one of them was this little tiny thing of peanut butter saying, this is how much peanut butter you should eat, Rodney. Like, that's not enough. But anyway, they said, you're gonna have to cut back on your sweets, Rodney. And I'm like, I don't know how I can do that. I have such a sweet tooth. And she said something so profound to me, and maybe it'll bless you.

She said, Rodney, your body will begin to crave what it eats. And you know what? She's right. As I began to give myself some good nutrition, drinking water, my body actually craves that. In fact, when I don't have water, my body revolts now, because I drink so much water. I get headaches. I have to keep that in my body. It's the same thing as spiritually. What I'm feeding my mind with will ultimately be what I crave. And I'm in an unhealthy space, right? My mind is being fed with garbage. I go searching for garbage. And that's kind of what I did with my mind. And I had to be honest about the damage and the effect, maybe as a result of the things that were done to me. But it's not an excuse. It's just to understand. That's why I gotta organize those first two columns, which we cover in Spiritual Inventory Part One, who hurt me and what do they do, right? And that way we can get to this space of understanding the damage and the effect. And so, have you failed to concentrate on the positive truths of God's word? When we don't do that, we get in a stuck space.

And so, when we're in our addiction, when we're in our dysfunction, we stop doing what we know will bring life. And ultimately, so the... Mind is being fed with unhealthiness, which then begins to affect the body. Have you ever thought, man, I feel like such a failure, and so you mistreat your body? Well, I might as well eat this. What's the big deal? I'm already in a bad space. We start to affect our body in that space. I love in 1 Corinthians, it says, "'Haven't you learned that your body "'is the home of the Holy Spirit God gave you, "'and that He lives within you? "'Your own body does not belong to you.'" Again, we're not shaming it. We're just trying to understand, why do I mistreat my body? Maybe it's because of the things I fed my mind, and why am I feeding my mind with these unhealthy, toxic core beliefs or outside sources that I'm putting in my mind? Well, maybe it's because of some unresolved hurt, and that's why we're doing this. We're trying to understand our story so we can make sense of why we do what we do. So some of those questions we ask ourself in that space is how have you mistreated your body?

Yeah, maybe you thought you were no good. It's kind of that shame message, right? I am bad versus I made a mistake, or I am bad versus mistakes were done to me. And so we kind of buy into this narrative that we're just bad and never quite good enough, and we strive and we run ourselves into the ground. I know I did that with my body, trying to be an approval addict. Whew, you can never, it's just like any other addiction. We never satisfy that, do we, don't we? And we run ourselves in the ground, and we work overtime, so many hours, and we can never satisfy. And even if we get that fix of gaining approval, it's never enough. So maybe it's approval addiction that's run your body in the ground. You never rest because you always had to be performing Of course, addictions is a big one. I love this quote by A.W. Tozer. He says, most of us developed our concepts and feelings about our Heavenly Father from our earthly mothers and fathers, and these feelings become intertwined and confused. But the guilty and contradictory feelings are not the voice of God. They are often the continuing voice of a mother or dad or brother or sister, or something internalized that puts pressure on us.

You see how the mind then affects the body. If I believe I'm a failure and I have to prove my worth, I run my body into the ground. That's why those hurts, hangups, and habits are so important to understand the hurt so we can understand the belief system to ultimately get to the habits and how we're harming our body. So what activities have caused a harm to your physical health? And just to understand so we can create a new experience and try something new. Psalm 139, 13, 14 says, for you caused my inmost being to, you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. I had to come to the realization that abusing my body is not freedom. It's really living in prison in my own skin. I can become a prisoner to my own hunger and thirst. So my mind affects the body, and then here's the convicting part. It always spills over onto my family, and it did with my family. Our relationships tell us a lot about ourselves. That can be kind of a lead foot for me sometimes. How do I interact with the world?

And when I bump into the world, what happens, and why do I do that? And what do I think that, and what am I thinking? And when did I first think that? See how the inventory process kind of plays out, and all these kind of go through the questions as we're going through, but your family, that's one of the ramifications of not facing your hurts and having some hurt done to you. Joshua 24, 15 says, if you're unwilling to obey the Lord, then decide today whom you will obey. But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord. What a bold statement. That's so different for me today than what I used to obey, and what used to be my priorities. One of the things, when I'm thinking about the family, is just my tendency on the super sensitivity. A super sensitivity, and my fears became my hangup, and imagine how that bumped into my family. Why was that? Well, I had a very broken home, 10 dysfunctional stepfathers, physically, verbally, emotionally abusive, and I was never good enough. And anytime there was any kind of turmoil, it meant bad. things were going to happen, so I was very sensitive to that, and I kind of had to process that. Through Celebrate Recovery, I've learned that there's a different hunger and thirst that

God has placed in me, and He can bring change. I love that Proverbs 23, 7, and I memorized the King James Version, but as a man thinks in his heart, or thinketh in his heart, so is he. If I can deal with my heart, I can understand why I bump into people the way I do. I want to ultimately change that. It doesn't happen overnight, but I want to be honest about that so I can move forward. Have you mistreated your family? Those are some questions. And how? Physically, emotionally, verbally. Have you provided a safe haven for your family? To whom do you owe amends? I mean, those are all really good questions to kind of process, and then later you'll actually do the amends, but this is just kind of organizing it so we can move forward into something healthy. Is there a family secret that you've been denying? All the questions through the step study is going to help you with this, but these are just questions that we go through to not shame us, but to understand our story. Those rings in our tree, as the scripture says in Jeremiah, you can't heal a wound by saying it's not there. So the mind is impacted. Saturated. The body is impacted as a result, which infects the family and ultimately the church. And who is the church? It's not a building. It is the body. How do we impact? Do we push people away? Are we a part of the body? Are we meeting together, as Hebrews 10.25 says, let us not neglect our church meetings as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back is drawing near. Some questions we ask, have I been faithful to my church in the past? Have I been critical instead of active? Yeah, that was me. Have I discouraged family support? I did that with my wife. I would guilt trip her. I was too tired. I don't want to go to church, right? So she would go, and I would kind of discourage her, kind of guilt trip her. All these are things, again, to understand our story, to understand why we do what we do, to take us to a space of understanding how and why we do what we do. And if we can understand our story, if we can notice it, if we can lean into those parts of our story to understand the good reasons why we do, that's those first two columns of the inventory process. We've covered that in spiritual inventory part one. And then getting into the effect and the damage, we're kind of processing the emotions now. And it's so important for me to put into words the pain, sadness, anger, fear, whatever that is, anxiety. And how did that damage me? How did that affect my family? How did it pollute my mind, my body, my family, and ultimately my church and my community? We're doing all this so that we can walk in that lasting healing.

Honoring and organizing my past brings lasting healing. If you're new to this process, I just want to say this. Maybe you're watching this and you're in a celibate recovery and you're brand new to the process. Just know you don't have to worry about this right now, but I hope you're encouraged to know that when you come to this part of your recovery journey, there is a plan. There is a map that you don't have to live the way you've lived your whole life in that misery island, that you can come home to the Father. See, sometimes we believe that we have to change our choices so that we can come home to Him. Here's the reality. We come home to Him, and the hope is that being connected with Him would help us change our choices. And a big part of that is dropping down into our story and allowing ourselves to feel, to put into words the emotions, to organize the thoughts and the negative core beliefs, the toxic beliefs that we've taken on, so that we can ultimately get to our part in that. Wasn't my fault that I was abused as a little boy, but it did become my responsibility what I did with that. And one of those biggest ones was me trying to manage and play God with my hurts, hangups, and habits under my own power, striving and trying to accomplish my own recovery journey. And here's what I would encourage you. What if it's possible that the world is not organized by what we do, but by what we receive? Maybe this recovery process is a gift and all we have to do is courageously and through our faith drop down into our story and feel it. Organize it. Notice it. Organize it. Put it into words and share it with God and share it with someone else which comes later. So that I can experience that lasting healing because I did the work knowing Jesus is with us all the way through it. As I talked about in the previous lesson, that pile of garbage in front of us, He's coming around and He's helping us kind of organize all the way through it. As we identify the rings, the damage in the tree ring so that we can walk in the newness of life and walk in that freedom. Though we can't see it with our eyes right now, God's got something big for us on the horizon. Lord, I pray for my brother and sister that are in the middle of this or getting ready to or maybe there are ways off. Father, regardless, I pray that you would bring them courage and strength of Joshua that when their knees begin to buckle that they would remember the end goal. They want to walk in lasting freedom and healing to find purpose in their pain, to find a calling in the struggles, Father. Meaning to the pain and the struggles in their life. Just give them hope. Give them encouragement. Remind them that they're not alone, that you're with them through the whole process. You've surrounded us with a great community that is forever family through Celebrate Recovery. I pray for healing for my brothers and sisters in Christ. We thank you in advance for what you're going to do as we courageously drop down into these pain points.

We love you, Father, in Jesus' name. Amen.