Spiritual Inventory Part 1

Well hey Forever Family, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I struggle with drugs and alcohol and perfectionism. My name is Rodney. We repeat what we don't repair. The inventory process can be one of those things that can be so scary. This is a place where it feels like we have this big pile. I remember my first night of celibate recovery, this big pile of junk and thinking, oh my gosh, this is too much. It's got to be too much for Jesus as well. If I could just clear through and clean out the debris in my life, maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to make my way over and through the mess to Jesus and be able to have a relationship with Him. What I've learned through the inventory process is it's not about working through my mess so that I can have a greater relationship with Him. It's inviting Him into a great relationship so that we can work through the mess. When we try to face, I know when I thought about trying to work through my mess under my own power, it was overwhelming. Inventory is hard. Let's just call it for what it is. But trying to face it alone is just death. It's a place of just desperation. What I love about the process of this inventory process and step four that we're talking about here tonight is it's not about just revealing how bad we are, that I'm a mistake. It's about revealing some mistakes we've made, but not that we are a mistake. That's a big difference. Think about the progression of the principles. We don't start with principle four. That's so important, especially if you're in the room and you're a first-time visitor and you're thinking, man, am I going to have to do that tonight? Take a deep breath. Just know, though, that when you get to this point, you're going to have a tool. You're going to have some ways to work through the mess that you may be seeing piled up in front of you. But principle one is about acknowledging there is a God, and I'm not it, and He has the power. It's like, okay, God, I can't do this on my own. My life is unmanageable. Then we move into this space. We have to acknowledge there is a God, and we're not it, so that we can begin to believe for the first time that we matter to Him and that He has the power. That's a whole shift in our mindset. When we can have that kind of a mindset that we matter to Him and He has the power, we embrace that so that we can begin to turn our life and our will over to His care in principle three. That's the only way we can face what's coming next. We do that. We turn it over to Him so that we can do this fearless and searching moral inventories. Principle four says, openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to

God, and to someone I trust. Why do we do this? So that we can later share it with somebody, so that we can begin to learn how to forgive and make amends, so that we can get deeper in our relationship with the Father as we do a daily time with Him, to ultimately do principle eight to yield ourselves to be used, to not waste the hurt that we're walking through in this lesson. Know that if you're not here, that there's hope. There's a plan. Jesus is not waiting for us to work through our mess to have a connection with us. He wants us to invite Him around. That's why principle one is so important. That's why we don't start with this. Sometimes as a church, we would get it backwards. Go deal with your inventory so that you can be a part of the family. What I love about this celibate recovery process is saying, no, to be a part of the family is to acknowledge your mess, invite Jesus and the body of Christ into that, so that we can ultimately, so that, so that, so that ultimately we can get to this place of yielding ourselves to be used, that God will bring purpose in the pain that we're talking through. Jesus says it this way in Matthew chapter five verse eight. He says, blessed, happy. Now, be clear. He's not saying just be happy. He's talking about happy and blessedness in spite of your circumstances. He says, happy or blessed are the pure in heart. Then step four, we made a fearless, searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Now, we're just unpacking all this fearless. How do we walk in fearless? Searching fearless is to invite our savior into that. When he's with us, we have nothing to fear because he's going to guide us through this space. Lamentations three 40 says, let us examine our ways and test them. And I love this last part and let us return to the Lord. The things that, that, that are piled up around us may have created separation. mindset that we've got to deal with all this under our own power has kept us from him. And so it's this spiritual evaluation. It's not to condemn ourselves, but to learn how to walk at this new type of character. And there's all kinds of types of character. The character we exhibit, the character that we think we have, right? Or the character we truly have. And this is not to shame us to say we're a mistake, but to acknowledge, where am I? Let's pop the hood. Let's see what's going on in our life. As Psalm 139, 23, 24 says, search me, O God, know my heart, test my thoughts, point out anything you find in me that makes you sad and lead me along the path of everlasting life. All the good, all the bad habits. And we talk about this often, just keeping

things balanced. But we do this, and we can feel weird to say this. We're trying to understand the good reasons why we are the way we are. Why do I respond to people the way I do? Why do I act the way I do? Why do I run to these coping mechanisms? Not to justify my behavior, but to understand that. And so we have these characters, the characteristics that we look at. And I just want to touch on these. And by the way, when you get into a step study, your leader, they're going to help you walk through this. So I'm just kind of doing an overview here so that you can kind of get an idea of how we dig into this, so that you'll have hope to know that healing is possible, that we will repeat what we don't repair. And we're trying to repair that, to understand, to get honest, to honor those parts of our story. So that first category is the relationship with others. Matthew 3, 12, 13 says, Forgive us our sins, just as we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Jesus is telling us how to pray in this space. And so we have to ask these questions in this space. And the step study small group will kind of walk us through this. But we're asking questions like, who has hurt you? Now, there's a full list that I could go through in that. Who do I have a grudge? I just need to take some time to enter into that place of sadness and sorrow, those parts of my story, not to get stuck there. And that's sometimes the fear, if I go there, I'm going to get stuck. When we invite Jesus into this, this is why the first three principles are so essential. We're not alone. We have accountability. We have a sponsor. If we can enter into sorrow, we can enter into experiencing his comfort. I can't experience his comfort if I don't enter into the sorrow. So who am I holding on to grudges in my life? You know, for years, I had grudges against my stepfather's physical, verbal, emotional abuse. And I didn't realize that my grudge and my resentments were keeping me from moving forward. I was still handcuffed to those past abusive relationships. So I had to acknowledge, I have a part in this. I can't hold a grudge against them because it's only hurting me. So I had to be honest about that. Am I seeking revenge from everyone? I used to have this crazy goal. When I grow up, I'm going to find my dad, who left me when I was two, that allowed these stepmen to come into my stepbrother's allow these stepmen to come into my stepbrother's stepdad, excuse me, to come into my family that causes physical, emotional abuse. I was going to find my dad and beat him up. That was my little kid goal. And what I didn't know is I grew into a man that revenge was still buried in my heart. So as you sit here, who do you have a grudge? Or maybe someone that you're jealous of.

This isn't to shame yourself. It's just to pay attention, go, okay, what's happening in my life that's bringing up jealousy? Who have you hurt? It's easy to kind of focus on the ones that have hurt us, but who have we hurt in our relationships? Who have I been critical of or gossiped in my life? And some of you are saying, are you getting real personal now, Rodney? Again, we're not trying to shame ourselves. We're trying to allow the conviction of the Holy Spirit to say, hey, this is creating a separation, not just between us and God, but even in our new relationships, we're trying to form in our efforts to get away from the old relationships. We're trying to create new, healthy relationships. So sometimes in this space, we have to be honest of those relationships that we try to justify our resentment, our bitterness, our jealousy, our gossip or whatever. Hosea 4.4 says, don't point your finger at someone else and try to pass the blame. See, the hurt from my past was not my fault, but it became my responsibility. I had to face that. So I had to get honest about the relationships with others. That's what that column 4 of our inventory is all about. What's my part in this? As I honor those first two columns and then the middle columns of the damage and the effect, which by the way as I'm answering these questions in my step study all this will be transferred over to my worksheet, but the my part is so essential because I need to make different choices in how I face relationships. Even the ones from the past that were not my fault, they're now my responsibility. So relationship with others. What about priorities in your life? My actions speak others. Wherever my is getting my attention the most is going to drive and organize every aspect of my life. So I have to think about what my priorities are in my life. Matthew 6 33 says, He will give to you if you give him first place in your life and live as he wants you to. Is Jesus my first priority or is it that numbing agent or coping mechanism or people-pleasing or whatever that has become my priority? I need to understand what is my priority, not to shame it, but to begin the reorganization or reorientation to create something new to put Christ in the center of that. So what areas am I still not putting God first? Is there something in my past that's interfering with God's ability to do his will in my life? Now he can do all things, but sometimes the things that I'm

putting in front of me can keep him from being able to fulfill the purpose in my life. Proverbs 21 17 says, He who loves pleasure will become poor. I'm seeking comfort and pleasure or am I seeking him knowing that he will provide the comfort? That's that blessed are those who mourn. This is a mourning after the things that have been killing me, the things that are destroying me in my life. My only pleasure, the one pleasure can be found in Jesus Christ and then it changes my relationships with others as well. But where's my priorities? Psalm 16 11 says, You will teach me how to live a holy life. Being with you, you will fill me with joy at your right hand. I will find pleasure forever. What are the priorities in your life with your job, your friendships, even your personal goals? Do you find yourself being a little bit selfish and self-centered? It's good to be mindful of that and be honest. One of the most honoring things we can do to our heart is to be honest. What things are out of balance? Who did my priorities affect in my past? What was good about my priorities? What was wrong about them? See, all this process is just getting real to honor those parts of our story. Why? So that we can understand why we do the my part of this column in the inventory process. But what about my attitude? When we're deep in our denial and our dysfunction, our attitude can be the worst. Ephesians 4 31 says, Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults. No more hateful feelings of any sort. The questions that we have to get honest about is, do I always try to have an attitude of gratitude or do I find myself always finding the negative in those conversations? Am I always complaining about my circumstances? What is it about me that's inside me that takes me there? What areas of my life am I ungrateful for that I should be grateful for? Now, we're honoring pain. We're not acting like the pain's not there. But in the midst of the pain, what are the things that I can be grateful for? Sarcasm? Am I anger? Am I easily blowing up at people with my attitude? Is there things from my past still causing anxiety and fear that I need to organize and lean into, notice, put into words, share them with others, share them with God so that I can not let that fear keep me stuck. You know, fear imprisons

us. Faith liberates us. And when we put our faith in Him, back to the priorities, when Jesus is our number one priority, then we can begin to examine these parts of our attitude that have created disconnection with God and separation and disconnection with other people. We're trying to do as God designed us to get back in healthy connection with other people. First John 4 18 says, there's no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. That's the cool thing about the priorities and the relationship with Jesus. The priority of putting Him first is understanding that when He's in the center of this, His perfect love drives out the fear. And then my faith begins to liberate me. of the fear imprisoning me and keeping me stuck. But that last category is around integrity. Colossians 3.9 says, do not lie to each other. You have left your old sinful life and the old things you did before. So some of those questions I'll ask myself, what in my past am I dealing with? I was dishonest, have you stolen things? So funny when we get into these small groups and we start asking these questions, we start remembering, oh yeah, I did steal. I stole that candy bar. That was one of my things as a kid. I stole candy bars from a local grocery store. Those things are important. Again, we're not trying to get stuck there. We're trying to just be honest. I'm trying to create something new. And that's the cool thing when you think about even the transformation that Jesus is doing in our life.

He's not trying to take us back to who we were. He's trying to create something new. And that's so cool to think about. Even Jesus' resurrected body, it looked completely different. The one who was resurrected compared to the one who went into the tomb, who was buried. He came out something new. And that's the power. Do you believe in resurrection in your life? Getting honest about this and being honest about our integrity and the things that we've exaggerated, the things that we've lied about, the things we've stolen. We've had false humility just to make ourself look better. Maybe out of our people-pleasing skills, we've tried to do that. Lived one way in front of my Christian friends or my church and one way in front of even my family or my work. I'm this to these people during this time and I'm this to these people. That's an exhausting place, isn't it? That can be laborious for our heart. How can we begin to be the one man or one person God has created us and is creating us to be? The one who has renewed us and is renewing us in this space. So as we start this process, we begin to understand that this is not to shame us so that we can get in this pit. We're just trying to evaluate these categories. And again, in the Step Study small group,

you're gonna go into extensive time to be able to lean into these and not rush through these questions. I've kind of done a quick drive-by on these and it can feel overwhelming. It's like, whew, how do I take all these questions in? But know in this process, you're gonna begin to learn. I love Isaiah 118. It says, no matter how deep the stain of your sins. So as you sit here and you're thinking about the pile of garbage and trash that's sitting in front of you, maybe you've had Jesus on the other side of that. It's like, where are you, Jesus? And you've bought into that lie that the stains are too great. If I can just clean up these stains and just scrub these stains out, then Jesus, you'll be able to be a part of my life. No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can take it. Jesus is saying this to you tonight. I can take it out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. That's the power of the gospel. It's inviting him around the pile of junk and then it's like he's locking arms. He's like, you see this junk in front of you? It's a lot, ugh. It's a mess and it breaks my heart. It grieves my heart, Rodney,

that you've been carrying this mess on your own. And it's led to some unhealthy relationships, some poor priorities, and you've pushed me to the side, Rodney, and your attitude and your priorities in life and your integrity has been suffering. Hey, what's important now is we're together. It's like he puts his arm around us and he says, this is gonna take time. You didn't get here overnight, Rodney. We're gonna deal with it one step at a time. And as we begin to clean up the debris and scrub out the stains, the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through us is not trying to get us back to the way things were before everything was upended and blown up in our life, before the addictions came in, before the relationships and the bad things I've felt about myself or believed about myself and God, all those things, before all that happened, not gonna get you back to that. We're gonna take you in a new direction. And that's the power. Would you have courage to enter into the hard spaces, the scary parts of your story, knowing that you're not alone? Jesus is right there with you, that this suffering that you're facing can be a catalyst to deeper connection with your Father and deeper connection with the Father. Why are we doing this?

Because if we don't repair it, we will repeat it. We repeat what we don't repair. And the good news is we don't have to repair it on our own. Jesus will help us through that. good news. And so my prayer for you is that as you trust the process, and if you're not here yet, it's okay. Go work those first three principles, because they will empower you so that there is a God, and my life's unmanageable, I have to embrace that and believe that, so that I can begin to believe this new identity. I matter to Him, and He has the power to bring the healing. I embrace that so that I can turn my life and my will over to His care and control, and when I embrace that, I do that so that I can do what I'm doing here. But we're not going to get stuck here. We're doing this for the next so that, and the next so that, and the so that continuing the process as a believer, a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. If God can do that in many people before you, just like He's done in my life, He can do the same thing in your life. And I pray that you will have the courage to face this, the courage of Joshua, that when your knees begin to buckle, that you won't walk in the space of, I'm a mistake, and honor and be honest about the mistakes we've made, but know that you're not a mistake. You are well loved, and He's gonna make you as clean as freshly fallen snow, if you'll just trust Him. And I pray that for you right now, in Jesus' name, Amen. God bless you, and thank you so much for letting me share.