When We Disagree | Robert Madu | Social Dallas

Come on, clap your hands like you're grateful. Y'all, this Pentecost Sunday, anything can happen in this place today. Would you just prophesy that to your neighbor and tell him anything can happen today? Anything, anything, anything. He doesn't need a whole lot of people to be in the room for him to move. It was only 120 in the upper room that day, but yet all of a sudden, all of a sudden, he showed up. Are you glad to be in God's house today? Come on, it feels good to be together as one big family. Come on, 9 a.m. and 11.30. People just give a big smile to somebody while you're standing. Say, you go here, you go here. Say, yeah, I go here, I just go to the other service. It's Pentecost Sunday, it's Baptism Sunday, y'all. We got 345 people getting baptized today. 345 people going public with their expression of faith and what God has done in their life. It's going to be a good day. Can we make some noise for our Social Global family that's watching from around the world? Social Global, we love you. Everybody watching on Pando right now. I'm believing that you're going to have an all of a sudden miracle today. It's going to be so good, I'm glad you're here. You look good. You look like you got confident trust in the Lord. Come on, if you're new to Social Dallas, we have a word for every year, and our word for this year is trust. That we would have confident trust in the Lord. And so to remind ourselves and to stir up our faith, every single Sunday, we declare Hebrews chapter 10, verses 35 through 37. And we declare it with uplifted, energetic, caffeinated voices. Come on. Y'all ready to read it? Remember, you don't go until I say, oh, you're paying attention.

Come on. So, remember, patient endurance. Then you will receive all that he has promised. For in just a little while, the coming one will come and not delay. Do you believe it? I believe he's coming back. And then remain standing. We're going to jump into our text for today. We have been in a series called Easy to Fall. We've been talking about relationships for the last four weeks. Are y'all tired of talking about it? I hope not, because we said this series is for everybody. I don't care who you are. You have to have a relationship with somebody. Relationships are the currency of life, even if you watch it online by yourself or just with your cat. Come on. You need to get a dog. This series is for you. It's for you. And so we've been going through this series week by week. And today, it's going to be good. It's going to be good. Acts chapter 15. And I want to look at verses 36 through 40. Not a very familiar passage of Scripture, but a necessary one to help us navigate relationships. Acts chapter 15. We'll start at verse 36. If you're ready to jump into it, say yeah. If you need some time to find the book of Acts, say how now? I heard you up in the balcony.

I'm going to wait. Even though it's on the screen. Come on. It says, after some time, Paul said to Barnabas, let's go back and visit each city where we previously preached the word of the Lord to see how the new believers are doing. Barnabas agreed. And wanted to take along John Mark. But Paul disagreed strongly. Since John Mark had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in their work. Their disagreement was so sharp. separated. Barnabas took John Mark with him and sailed for Cyprus. Paul chose Silas, and as he left, the believers entrusted him to the Lord's gracious care. Can you say amen? Can you smell the tension in the text? You disagreed so sharply that you separated. I want to tag a title to this text today and just preach to you, not long because we got to baptize people. But I want to talk to you from this thought, when we disagree, when we disagree, I want you to look at the person you don't like. I'm playing. Don't do that. Don't do that. Some of you are ready to stop. Look at anybody and say, neighbor. Oh, neighbor, what do we do when we disagree? Find another neighbor. Find another neighbor. They need it. Say other neighbor. I got to know. What do we do when we disagree? Yeah, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to tell you today. Father, speak to us today. Let us leave different than the way we came in. Amen. You may be seated in the presence of the Lord. When we disagree, not if, when. Social fam, I have always been fascinated with the world of boxing. Always been fascinated, not just with the fight itself. I love all the stuff that leads up to the fight. Like I love the stuff like the way in, when they step on the scale because they're already in the zone. You

know how they do. They just, and they stand there. I love that part. And then they turn to the opponent and they just get right in each other's faces and they just stare each other down, maybe just a centimeter between the nose. I love all the stuff that leads up to the fight. I love when the arena gets real dark and then all of a sudden the theme music of each person comes on and they walk into the ring. I love the fact that two grown men are in opposite corners, warming up, fully convinced that they're about to knock the other person into next week. I love a good boxing match. And then you know how it goes. The referee will bring the two fighters into the center. We'll say all the rules for the fight. And then say this, gentlemen, I want a good, clean fight. What a fascinating thing to say. That you want a good, clean fight. They understand that the expectation when you step into the ring is not that there would be no conflict. We didn't come here to watch y'all cuddle. We want to see a fight. However, there is an expectation that you will fight in the right way. It's not just that you're going to fight. It's can you fight the right way? There's an expectation that you won't take a cheap shot. There's an expectation that you won't hit below the belt. There's an expectation that you won't go Mike Tyson, 1997 versus Evander Holyfield and bite my ear off because you're operating in emotion instead of discipline. There's an expectation that you will fight right. The fight is inevitable, but there's a way to fight right. Ladies and gentlemen, I use that as an appetizer today because we are living in a culture that knows how to fight, but doesn't know how to fight right. We don't know how to fight right. That's why we come in comment sections and we say things online that we would never say to a person's

face because we don't know how to fight right. We have lost the art of just agreeing to disagree. We've lost the art of civil discourse. We don't know how to fight right, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. Come on, because how many know Disney has discipled us into believing a version of relationships that doesn't even exist. Some of us think that just to have a fight is a problem. Come on, you ever notice on Disney whenever you're watching the movie that the credits, the ending credits always come on after the wedding, after the kiss, after the sunset, like it doesn't say anything. about like what happened three years later or five years later, I wish it did. It didn't tell us that Ariel, the little mermaid, what happens when she got a little frustrated and looked at her man and said, you know what, Sebastian was right. I'm sick of you, life is better under the sea. Don't play with me, I got legs. You know I can leave when I want to. I wish they would make that movie. I wish they would tell us when Princess Jasmine got sick of Aladdin and that magic carpet ride and maybe just show a movie where she found out what his credit score really was. That would be a wonderful film to watch. Disney doesn't tell us what happened. Fairy tales don't tell us what happened afterwards because fairy tales teach us if the love is real enough, the conflict will disappear.

But how many live long enough and grown enough to know? Relationships don't work like that. We can be in love and still be lashing out at each other. Come on, somebody, we can adore each other and annoy each other. And just because we are committed to each other, being committed does not cancel conflict. As a matter of fact, it incubates conflict. No, we gonna fight. We just need a good, clean fight. I might start saying that when I do weddings. I need a good, clean fight between the two of you. This is why I love the Bible. What do we do when we disagree? I love the Bible because the Bible does not give us a sanitized humanity. You do know that your Bible is rated R because it keeps it real. The Bible tells the whole truth and nothing but the truth. The Bible sometimes reads with the candor of TMZ, but it doesn't do it for exploitation. It does it for edification so you can look at their relationships and learn something. I love that the Bible keeps it real. I love that Luke, when he puts pen to parchment and starts writing not just his gospel, but starts writing the book of Acts, how many of you know Luke does not write the book of Acts like it's a Disney movie? Because if he did, the book of Acts would look different.

As a matter of fact, if Luke wrote the book of Acts like a Disney movie, all you would have is Acts chapter one and Acts chapter two. Luke would just stop the story and roll the credits after the Holy Spirit filled the upper room that day. I may as well talk about it since it's Pentecost Sunday. Oh, what a powerful moment that was that day in the upper room as Luke begins to tell us the transition from the ministry of Jesus to the mobilization of the church when the Holy Spirit filled the room that day, that all of a sudden, all of a sudden a sound as a mighty rushing wind began to fill the room and cloven tongues of fire sat upon each and every one of them and the Holy Spirit filled the room for some believers who were willing to wait on it. Can you imagine what it would have been like to be in that room that day, waiting for the promise and not even knowing what you're waiting for, but all of a sudden realizing that it's not something to cry about that Jesus left you. Now his Holy Spirit is about to be in you and you got power to do what he's called you to do. I feel like preaching today. I love Acts chapter two. It's powerful, it's one of the most beautiful moments in the entire Bible. In Acts chapter two, the spirit breaks out, the church starts growing, miracles start happening, 3,000 people get saved that day,

thousands of people get added to the church. What a beautiful picture. People trip me out today, I don't like mega churches. Have you read the book of Acts? Thousands of people added to the church. Powerful things are happening. People are operating in generosity. Everybody had what they needed. We love Acts chapter two, we quote Acts chapter two. We build conferences around Acts chapter two, fire conference, we love it. In fact, sometimes I hear people in church say, I wish the church today would be like the church in the book of Acts. Really? Which chapter? Which chapter? Because if you want the church to be like the book of Acts, you can't stop at Acts chapter two because the book of Acts is not just revival. It's also conflict, it's tension, it's persecution, it's misunderstanding, it's growing pains, it's roughly 30 years of church history compressed into 28 chapters. And if you read past chapter two, it teaches you an important principle that we have to learn today. And that is, just because you're spirit-filled, it does not mean you are conflict-free. Yeah.

Spirit-filled does not mean conflict-free. Away with this ideology and this notion that if I was really filled with the spirit and if you was really mature Y'all wouldn't have that conflict. Have you read the book of Acts? Do you know how much conflict there is in relationships in the book of Acts? How many know that just because you are spirit-filled does not mean you get a pass on conflict There is no level of spiritual maturity that you're gonna reach one day and say oh, no, I don't argue like that anymore No, I don't lose my temper like that anymore. You might not cuss anymore Maybe you got spiritual with your language and just said you're not well, bless you But there's still Going to be relational conflict because spirit-filled does not mean Conflict free you can't even get to Acts chapter 5 before there's conflict here It is Ananias and Sapphira a married couple that lies to the Holy Spirit About how much they sold a piece of property for and guess what God's response is both of them drop down dead That's in the New Testament For lying, here's your punishment drop down dead. We need a church like the book of Acts Do we? You get to Acts chapter 6 all of a sudden you got all these people Complaining that some widows are being overlooked at the food drive and the food Distribute distribution there was all kinds of conflict in the book of Acts when you get to Acts chapter 9 You have a powerful conversion story of Saul who goes by Paul now And all of a sudden he is on his way to persecute more Christians and has an encounter With God and God knocks him off his high horse And here is Saul all of a sudden turned into Paul the one that used to persecute the church is now the one that's ordained To build the church, but the problem was nobody trusted that he was really changed They didn't believe that his cardboard testimony was real and don't judge them. I don't know if I would have Either can you imagine if somebody pulled up in here today and say yeah last week. I was killing a bunch of Christians But you know now I'm changed You trying to go to Chipotle after church. I bet you move out the way, too So you got distrust in the early church and by the time you get to Acts 15 There's a full-on fight and argument about whether Gentiles

should have to be circumcised and now you got Paul and Barnabas and Peter and James all coming together in a church boardroom meeting saying why in the world are y'all putting this yoke on the Gentiles and making them come under something that we and our ancestors couldn't even stand under don't you understand? It is by grace through faith alone that you have been changed stop putting your dogma and your tradition on them they were arguing and talking and debating about this because Being full to the Spirit does not mean you won't have any conflict I think this matters because how many know some people think that unity means uniformity and It is not true Spirit field does not mean conflict free because a disagreement is inevitable Disagreement is inevitable. If you have two people that think the same thing about everything how many know one of them is not thinking Some y'all get that tomorrow Where there's a will There's a won't There's always going to be Conflict and disagreement and hear me that goes for every relationship that you will have in church out of church friendships acquaintances co-worker family member business partner and especially in marriage let all the married people say Don't say it too loud It's interesting researcher John Gottman who spent decades studying marriages and relationships Found that couples who stay married and couples who get divorced Often argued about many of the same things Don't miss this and for similar amounts of time Couples that ended up getting divorced did not argue more than couples that stayed married. It was the same It was not the conflict that destroyed the relationship it was the aftermath It was what happened after the conflict after the fight after the explosion Which brings me to my text today in Acts chapter 15 You hear the names of what I believe is one of the greatest duos that you will ever see in your Bible Paul and Barnabas Come on y'all

This is a powerful duo don't get it twisted before there was a Shaq and a Kobe before there was a Jordan and Pippen before There was a Batman and Robin before there was a key and peel before there was a PB and J There was Paul and Barnabas matter of fact, they were the original PB and J Paul Barnabas preaching Jesus turn every Turn every city Upside down they were a dynamic duo. Can you see them going from city to city? Changing churches Encouraging believers preaching the gospel. They were a powerful duo I think I know why they were a powerful duo because of how they got connected. It's an Acts chapter 13 Look at it. It says in Acts chapter 13 while they will worship it Who's the day the day is the early church while they were worshiping the Lord and fasting the Holy Spirit said? Who set apart for me? Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them So after they had fasted and prayed they placed their hands on them and sent them off Oh don't miss that right there who connected Paul and Barnabas. It was the Holy Spirit This was not something that they tried to politic and network and put together No the Holy Spirit and an atmosphere of worship and fasting said y'all to need to go together and not only that they laid hands on Them and commissioned them out y'all that's powerful stuff. That means they were called and commissioned by the Holy Spirit I wish people today would get that revelation because we got folks today that think you can be a lone Ranger for the kingdom of God and be out here by yourself No God will always connect you to somebody else because what he wants to do is bigger than what he can do through just you Paul and Barnabas together and watch what happened. They laid hands on them and sent them out There was a commissioning There was a collective agreement that this is a call that is on your life and you need to go out into this call Oh people don't know about that today Don't let me get on my soapbox Because we live in a generation today where as soon as you get a bunch of followers on your little account and you got a podcast

I'm called really who called you show me the community Show me the church that actually laid hands on you and said we discern this call on your life, too Wait with this generation that says I just feel called it and nobody else has confirmed the call Nobody with wisdom and spiritual discernment says I think this is what you're called to do. I see this gift in you This is the only generation that says yeah, I can be a pastor because I feel like it I just feel called to it. Where else does that work? Can you imagine going to the doctor and you don't see a degree on your doctor's wall? He said when did you become a doctor? Where'd you go to medical school? Oh, I didn't You didn't know I just couldn't shake This feeling that I felt I just I couldn't shake it I had a feeling to do brain surgery and I kept seeing brains and visions of brains that I just believe that God called me To do brain surgery. How many of you are staying on the table for that doctor? To work on you but look at church governance that there was actually a commissioning and ascending in order We affirmed the call and watch this here is Paul and Barnabas going from city to city preaching the gospel Establishing churches and while they were going a guy by the name of John Mark The same mark that wrote the gospel of Mark He accompanies them. So you got Paul Barnabas and Mark all going together Preaching the gospel in there beautiful They went to four cities But then when they got to Pamphylia John Mark peaced out

When they got to Pamphylia Mark said I got to go and The Bible does not tell us why he left I wish it did we don't know if he was tired We don't know if the weight of ministry was too much We don't know if he had a tummy ache the Bible does not tell us what happened All the Bible tells us is that when they got to Pamphylia? Mark left The Bible doesn't tell us why Mark left but it does tell us that after he left The opposition increased Right after he left y'all Pharisees started opposing them Riots broke out in the cities that they went to to the point that by the time they get to Lystra they stone Paul to the point that he thought He was going to die. Have you ever had somebody leave you when life got tough? Have you ever had somebody desert you when you were going through the most painful season of your life? I don't mind you leaving me when life is good. You can desert me when they bring dessert. Amen. But when I start going through pain, when life starts lifing on me, and that's when you choose to say I'm out, I'm sorry, that's hard to forgive, and that's hard to forget. And Paul never forgot it. They almost stoned him to death, but Paul survived.

Paul survived, and three years later, look at Paul, after surviving, calls up Barnabas, say, hey, what up, Barney? Barney's like, what's good, Paul? He said, hey, you remember all them churches we went to three years ago? Barnabas is like, how can I forget? I thought you almost was going to die. He's like, yeah, we should run it back. We should go back to every single one of those cities and see how the new believers are doing. Barnabas said, bet, I'm going to call John Mark and see if he wants to roll with us. And Paul goes, what'd you just say? He said, I'm going to call Mark and see if he wants to roll with us. And Paul goes, oh, over my dead body. You can't call Mark. Mark is not going, the same Mark that left, the same Mark that deserted us when I almost got stoned to death, the same Mark that when it got tough, he just left us out, no way. You can call a whole lot of people, but you ain't calling Mark. He is not going with us. All of a sudden, Barnabas retorts back. He says, come on, Paul. I know he messed up then, but don't relegate him to one decision.

God can still use him. Doesn't he deserve another chance? And all of a sudden, Paul's like, no, he don't deserve another chance. I need somebody that knows how to take a licking and keep on ticking. I need somebody that when they put their hand to the plow, they're not going to give up and quit when they feel tired. No, come on, Paul. Don't you think he should get, and they start going back and forth and back, and before you know it, it's a sharp disagreement. Agreement, woo. Disagreement gets, disagreement gets so sharp between the two of them that the Greek suggests they are yelling and shouting at each other in the parking lot. I wonder who was there watching saying, oh my goodness, is that Paul? Scripture writing Paul and Barnabas yelling at each other? Hold on, give me my phone. Put this on Antioch TV. Somebody gonna see this right here. Can you imagine? No, think about it. Imagine me being in a full fight with Pastor Taylor out in public. That's happened before. That's happened. That's happened before.

Can you imagine the intensity? They're yelling, they're screaming at each other. They're in agreement on the mission. They're not in agreement on who should go. So what are they showing us? That different people, don't miss this, carry different perspectives. When you're in conflict, understand this. I know you can only see what you see, but that's you being you. Because different people carry different perspectives. Barnabas sees potential. Yeah, Mark left, but he deserves another chance. Paul remembers pain. Mark quit when it got tough. They've got different perspectives because they are different people. This is important because how many of you know our personalities affect our perspective? They do. Here's the thing about Barnabas. His name ain't even Barnabas. That's a nickname. His real name is John. They called this dude Barnabas because he was such an encourager. Can you imagine being such an encourager that people just call you, oh, that's Mr. Encourager? Barnabas is the person that is always gonna be excited for you.

I mean, I don't know. I see him like, I don't know, maybe Pastor Joel Osteen, just always smiling, saying, it's gonna be all right. It's your best life now. I mean, he's always encouraging people. This is Barnabas. Don't miss that Barnabas is the one when nobody trusted Paul, he said, come on, y'all. We can trust Paul. There's been a. Conversion in his life. He was an encourager. Why is he an encourager? Because he's about people. He's about people over the mission Here's Paul. Paul's got a different personality. Paul is not necessarily concerned with the people He is concerned with the mission because he's called to the mission of God You know why because he gave it everything when he was persecuting Christians and when God turned his life around He said I got to keep the same energy if I gave it all when I was persecuting Christians I got to give it all now that I'm gonna build the church and some of y'all sitting there But I wish you would take a note from Paul and give God the same energy that you gave the world You showed up to the club at the right time You stood in line for the club and now you in church time that now I can't go to Texas Trust That's too long of a walk. You had no problem popping bottles in the club You know that bottle didn't cost that much and now you're in the church time Are they gonna keep talking about that building? They still want me to stop now keep that same energy that you had in the world. Keep that for the church Preach Robert Don't switch up now Don't switch up now You gave the club everything Everything don't let cash money records taking over for the nine nine and the two thousand come on It don't matter who you were talking to hold on girl hold this And now you in here. That's not my personality. I just

Know I always how I worship like this. I like Paul Kept the same energy If I gave everything when I was persecuting the church, I'm gonna give everything to build the church stone me I ain't dead I'll get up again and still keep on preaching And so you got one person That says it's about the people and another personality says no, it's about the mission and who's right? Both of them both And no wonder the Holy Spirit Saw fit to put them together because the things That we think are so different about us are actually the things that if we can allow the Holy Spirit to join us together who What could God do? This is why the enemy wants to keep us fighting and not dealing with the conflict because he knows there's power When we get together I could take you through the whole Bible and show you that it was always the opposite Personalities that connected with each other you need a Peter and a John you need a Peter That'll say anything and say what he thinks and you need a John that's compassionate that sees people Because as they're walking to prayer one day They're gonna see a lame person sitting by a gate called beautiful and John with his compassionate heart is gonna say come on, man We need to do something and Peter with his big mouth is gonna say silver and gold I do not have but what I do have I give you in the name of Jesus get up and walk I ain't gonna feel sorry for you But I do got Holy Spirit power to make you get up and walk into what God has for you And if John didn't see him and if Peter didn't have the power to confront him, he might have still been stuck our personalities Actually are what knit us together and now in the text we see two personalities

Coming against each other The same Paul who appreciated a Barnabas who gave another chance to him Now rejects that he's doing the same thing for Martin Let me just bring it to your front doorstep so you can say you got something out of this today Have you done the same thing in your relationships? The personality that you loved that attracted you to the person now you can't stand it When you were dating you loved everything about a little girl, he's so quiet No, he don't say much you remember you remember how Benji was like always talking now I love him cuz he quiet Why he mysterious? You love that And now you married he don't say nothing. He don't communicate. He does not know how to communicate When you were dating you loved her personality. Oh, I love her. She's so outgoing She's so outgoing now you married. I can't stand her She always want to go out. She always In the funny How when you're dating opposites attract then you get married and opposites attack Funny how the thing you loved, now you despise. And you're about to jump ship and go to somebody else. When I wonder if it's just, you need to learn. What do we do when we disagree? The disagreement got so bad that they bounced. They went their separate ways. And this would be a good time just to go, all right y'all, that's the end of the sermon, I'm out. Because that's exactly where Luke leaves it. Notice in the text, we don't get any resolution. It's not like Luke tells us, hey, Paul called Barnabas and said, hey, my bad, I overreacted. No, they literally go their separate ways.

Barnabas connects with John Mark and they preach the gospel. Paul stays on mission and connects with Silas and they preach the gospel. I'm like, what happened? We can read some things that happened. I do find it intriguing that they both stayed on mission, that Paul did not deem it necessary to start a YouTube channel. To talk about how jacked up Barnabas was. Because you know, this generation, this just blows my mind. These people with these, like that's your job is to put your face on the screen of another pastor preaching and talk about, that's your ministry, okay, do that. They don't even, they just stay on mission. And so if we stop there, we would be kind of lost trying to figure out what do we do when we disagree. Because we're gonna disagree. Because how many know conflict is inevitable, but resolution must be intentional. Conflict is inevitable, but resolution must be intentional. And so lest you look at this and think it's all right to just ghost people and leave. I wanna give you, very quickly, four things that you can do whenever you find yourself in a sharp disagreement. Can I just be practical for a moment? Four things, you're in a sharp disagreement, not seeing eye to eye, different perspectives. First thing I want you to do, hear me,

is make the first move. You'll be the first one to deal with the conflict and the tension. Make the first move. No, PR, uh-uh, uh-uh, I'm not the one that did it. They did, they started it, let them say something. That was cute when you were seven, you're 37. The first step, I ain't gonna get no amens today. The first step in the relational conflict is you be the first one to say, hey, can we talk about this? Hey, can I have a conversation? Don't leave, don't ghost, lean into the discomfort because conflict rarely resolves itself. You make the first move. Now, this is easier said than done, and I come in peace, because you're looking at a person, my cutoff game is strong, I will forget your name and keep on moving to the mission. But Jesus has not given us the ministry of cutting people off. He's given us the ministry of reconciliation, and the challenge for us, hear me, as believers, is to be the one that says, I'll make the first move and lean into the tension and have the conversation. In Matthew 18, look at what Jesus says. This is how serious he is about reconciliation. In Matthew 18, verse 15, if another believer sins against you, go on Instagram Live. Oh, my bad, my version is different. If another believer, my bad, if another believer

sins against you, do a subtweet or post and do some subliminal shot at, no, no, go privately and point out the offense. So if they hurt you, you still go first. In Matthew chapter five, verse 23 and 24, Jesus says, if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and suddenly you remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice. there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person, then come and offer your sacrifice to God. Text that nobody preaches about. God said, I would rather you go fix that relational issue than you to be up here in the front, telling God, you are an alpha, an omega. Cut the song short and go fix the relational conflict and you go first. I don't wanna go first. That is your pride. And James tells us whenever there is conflict, there is pride. How many of you have been this person or been on the other side of this conversation where they say, I can't believe they did this and then they did this and let me tell you what they said next. Then she said this and then that. And you wanna interrupt somebody? Just ask them this question.

Have you talked to them? And watch how quiet it gets because it feels more comfortable to talk about the person to somebody else than to be spiritually mature and make the first move. Ooh, I'm teaching good today. Say, make the first move. Don't wait on them, you do it. And when you make the first move, walk into it with humility, asking yourself, what's my part in this conflict? I know, I know, you didn't do nothing. But just, it's a good healthy exercise to go, what is my, even if 99% is them, can pause and go, what's my 1%? Go into it like that but make the move first. Number two, listen before you speak. Most of us are not listening to understand, we're listening to respond. Have you ever spent the whole conversation, somebody was talking and you just heated and steam's coming off your forehead and you're like, mm, that ain't right, mm, nope. Ooh, I know what I'm gonna say back to that because that ain't even right. No, you see, you said Thursday, it wasn't on Thursday, it was on Tuesday, I'm gonna correct that. You ever been having the rebuttal in your head the whole time and you don't actually just pause

to listen before you speak? Hear me, y'all, this stuff don't come natural. It's Pentecost Sunday, this is what you need the Holy Spirit for. You don't need the Holy Spirit just for she come to my and all of that and all of that is good, I speak in more tongues than you all. You need the Holy Spirit for moments of conflict so you can lean into the conflict and listen before you speak. This does not come natural. You need the Holy Spirit for this. You need to pray this prayer. Holy Spirit, help me seek to understand more than I wanna be understood. Holy Spirit, help me hear the wound underneath their words because some of you just listen to the words but if you ask the Holy Spirit to help you, you can hear the wound underneath the words and it'll give you perspective. There's a book I wanna recommend called The Next Conversation by Jefferson Fisher and in the book, as he talks about communication because nobody teaches us this, he said in conflict, when you're talking to somebody, there's always the person you see and there's the person you're talking to and the person you see isn't the person you're talking to. The person you see isn't the person you're talking to. You see a waiter that's just mad,

that threw the chicken on the table and it hit you in the face. Oh, I'm never coming back here again. Where's her manager? But that's not the person you're talking to. You're talking to the single mom that had three tables before you, not tip her at all and she's trying to figure out how she's gonna make ends meet and provide for her child. It's the person you see and the person you're talking to. I have to do this pastorally all the time because you know how people are with churches and with pastors and they will come at me with all that energy and sometimes I wanna let them know I'm a communicator and I wanna say something back but I'll pause and I realize that the person I see is not the person I'm talking to. I'm talking to the person that had another pastor betray their trust, had a church hurt them so bad and came to that church for help and ended up getting hurt by the same place they came to find healing. Do you have that perspective in conversations? Do you listen before you speak? Pay attention to the. theology and your biology, there's a reason your God put two ears on you and one mouth. You should be twice as fast in listening than you are to speak. What is this person feeling? Number three, speak the truth in love. What am I doing? I'm going to make the first move. I'm going to call. Can we talk? I'm going to have a conversation. I'm not only going to do that, I'm going to listen,

truly listen before I speak. And then when I do speak, I'm not just going to speak the truth, I'm going to speak the truth in what? In love. This is critical because remember, we got different personalities. And some of y'all, one writer said it like this, you're like skunk. You know what a skunk does in a conflict? You ain't got no problem. Spraying and we smell it. And then some of us are like turtles in conflict. I don't want to have no conversation. Some of you think you're keeping the peace because you're not saying anything. And what you're doing is you're about to turn into the incredible Hulk and explode because you won't lean into the conflict to have a conversation and tell them what you're really feeling. So the challenge for us is to speak the truth in love. Healthy relationships require honesty and love together. I can't say it better than the apostle Paul, Ephesians chapter four, verse 15. Instead, we will speak the truth in what? Why wouldn't Paul just say, speak the truth? Because it's not enough if I don't wrap that truth in love. Growing in every way, more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. And then number four, keep your heart clean. Keep your heart clean. How many of you know offenses are inevitable? If you are breathing, I promise you somebody is going to offend you. Somebody did it today. They saw me pulling in that parking spot. Some of you lost it before you came into worship today. Offenses are inevitable. This is what Jesus tells his disciples in Luke 17. It is impossible that no offenses should come. But an offense is an event. Offended is a decision. And many of us have made a decision to say, I will never forget. And I'll never forgive them. And it's not killing them. It's killing you. Keep your heart clean. Hear me, stop keeping score and keep your heart clean. Some of you, the thing that is destroying the relationship, I'm talking to my married people now, is you keep keeping the score. Well, you did this, so I'm going to do that. And last week you did this, so I'm going to remember that. Even when you do something good, well, remember I did this for you. You should throw away the scoreboard. Stop keeping score and keep your heart clean. I don't know about you. I don't want to be an old, bitter preacher, mad at the world and mad at everybody. Bitterness makes you ugly. You can get all the Botox and exfoliation. Just keep getting bitter and watch what it does to your life. Nobody wants to be around the person that's like, well, let me tell you what they did and let me tell you how they did. You know the person you want to be around? Oh yeah, that happened, but hey, I'm over it. And it doesn't mean I got to hang out

with you all the time either, but I'm not going to allow it to destroy me. Keep your heart clean. You want to know how to keep your heart clean? Keep your eyes on the cross and see a savior who, as he's on a cross, says, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. If Jesus did not hold any offense or sin towards you, what right do you have to hold any offense towards somebody else? Look at the cross. Here's another thing you can do. Remember how short this life is. I've been around people when life hit them and they're on their deathbed. All of a sudden, the petty stuff goes away and some of them weep over the years that they lost because they kept holding on to something. This life is too short. This life is too short. Keep your heart clean. Can I confess something to you? I thought that Luke left us out here and we never knew what happened with Paul and Barnabas. I thought Paul forever had a grudge against Mark and kept him in the prison of deserting him when he needed him the most until I saw 2nd Timothy chapter 4. 2nd Timothy is Paul writing his last words. This is a man who knows he's about to die and how many know when you know you're about to die and you're running out of time all of a sudden you get clarity on what's really important in life and look at what the Apostle Paul writes in his last words to his spiritual son Timothy. Timothy please come as soon as you can. Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia and Titus has gone to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me. Bring, hold on, here's a new prescription, bring Mark with you when you come for he will be helpful to me in ministry. Oh hold on Paul you mean to tell me that years later we got a Paul who got better and didn't get bitter and looked back over his life and said yeah I was passionate back then and I thought he did me wrong but now that I'm older and I realize that I'm running out of time bring Mark to me he's useful for ministry I don't know who this is for but God says this is your year to start growing up into who he's called you to be and say I refuse to live in a prison of offense because God forgave me I'm gonna forgive other people I'm gonna have a better perspective I'm not gonna grow bitter I'm gonna get better I'm not milk I'm wine I'm gonna get better over time

bring Mark here bring Mark he's useful to me for ministry oh what happened Paul change your heart you better believe it as I'm losing my life and I realize I'm about to cross over from death into eternity it ain't worth it to keep this grudge so in my dying days I'm calling for the one that I was so angry about I wonder what's on the other side of you leaning into the conflict I wonder what healing and reconciliation could happen if you stop rehearsing what they did over and over again and you look at your Savior who with arms open wide says I've forgiven you you can forgive a lot when you know how much you've been forgiven I'm gonna ask every head be bowed I must be close today please honor this moment we're about to have a dismissal but I truly believe that somebody today is stuck in a prison of offense is allowing a disagreement to create a seed and a root of bitterness that is not destroying the person that hurt you it's destroying you and God told me if I would preach this message today I felt this strongly that somebody would be set free and it starts with surrender it starts with looking and rehearsing not what they did but what your Savior has done for you freely we receive forgiveness freely we give hear me clearly does that mean that every relationship is gonna go back to what it was absolutely not does that mean that I stay in situations while being physically abused or harmed absolutely not but I refuse to allow what they did to me to block what God wants to do in me and through me and I'm asking for the Holy Spirit to fill you today so that you can lean in to the conflict and have a conversation Heads are bowed, eyes are closed today, but if you'd be so honest to say, hey, PR, I know this is for me. I believe that the Holy Spirit was speaking to people with specificity today about a conversation, watch this, that you need to start. Make the first month something you need to let go. Heads are bowed, eyes are closed,

but if that's you today and you'd be so honest, say, hey, PR, I know what that relationship is and I hear God speaking to me to make the first move, to forgive. Would you just lift up your hand high enough and long enough to where I can see it? Thank you, God, yeah, thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus. Here in my heart today, I am not excusing what they did. I am saying the cross was enough and that you don't have to live in that prison of offense and bitterness, that healing can take place, that he can give you, hear me, supernatural power to look even beyond what they did and see the wound that made them do it. It's amazing what you're able to give when you're connected to a source. I wanna be so connected to the source of his love, I can give love, so aware that I'm forgiven, that I can forgive. Anybody else, just lift it up and put it right back down. Thank you, God, thank you, God. I wanna be real specific today. You're here today and you've never taken the first step, which is to say, Jesus, my life is yours. We can forgive because we have accepted his forgiveness. And I don't care if it's just one person today, you'd be worth it. Today we have 345 people going public with their faith. And today, even if it's just one,

you're worth it to say, today's my day, I'm giving Jesus my life. It starts with that relationship. If that's you, you say, hey, PR, include me in this closing prayer. I need to give my life to Jesus. Maybe there was a season you were running after the things of God, but maybe bitterness and what the church did and what a pastor did is just made you pull away and you hear God calling you back home. Don't project what man or somebody else did to you onto the character of our God. He's a good father. Anybody in here today said, that's me, I need to give him my life. Would you just lift up your hand high enough and long enough to where I could see it? Thank you, I see that hand. I see that hand. Thank you, thank you, God. Anybody else? Thank you, Jesus. Hands are going up all over this place, at the top, in the balcony, just lift it up. Thank you, God. Thank you, Lord. As you're seated, I just want you to repeat this prayer after me. We're all gonna say it,

but especially those of you who just responded, would you say this? Say, Jesus, I need you. Lord, I know I cannot do life without you. Jesus, I believe that you lived the life that I was supposed to live. You died the death that I was supposed to die. You took my place, so I respond to your love. Forgive me of my sins, make me brand new. I receive your forgiveness. And Jesus, because I have been forgiven, I have the power through the Holy Spirit to forgive. I forgive, I let it go. Holy Spirit, give me the courage to lean into the conflict, to have the conversation, to be a person that brings reconciliation. From this moment forward, all that I am is yours. In Jesus' name, amen, amen, amen.