What To Do When You Like Someone

A few weeks back, we went back to the moon. The inner nerd inside of me was frothing over. So much to be excited about, some records that were smashed. I mean, the most powerful rocket mankind has ever launched, 8.8 million pounds of thrust. I was texting a friend who was there at the launch. And I said, how much more intense was it than the SpaceX rockets? And he had flown on them, no big deal. But he said, the other ones you can feel when the sound wave hits you, right? It's a few miles away where you're safely viewing this. And having been to a launch, I mean, it is incredible when the wave hits you. He said, this one, the wave doesn't just hit you. It actually, you felt the Earth shake. Crazy. And of course, it also set the distance record for furthest anybody has ever gone from this planet, 252,756 miles away. Very far. Those on the space station, which it's incredible to think there are astronauts right now floating around on a lab, that's only a couple hundred miles up. This is, we're talking, a quarter million miles away. But one of the most interesting benchmarks that was shattered has nothing to do with distance or pounds of thrust. It has to do with fresh grief and bereavement that an astronaut flew while still dealing with in his own personal life.

The commander of the Artemis 2 mission, Reed Wiseman, six years before he strapped into a giant stick of dynamite and blew himself up with his friends on the way to the moon, he lost his wife, Carol, to cancer. Here's a photo of them together. And of course, her loss left him to navigate life without his partner. And that meant raising, of course, their two daughters, who he posted this photo, a selfie from when they went to visit the rocket. He said, they made me leave the rocket. We couldn't leave the rocket till we got our 0.5 in. Tell me you're raising Gen Z kids without telling me you're raising Gen Z kids, right? But to think about that, then listen to this. One month after his wife died, his mom died. And so six years into grief like that, he's bringing all of that process with him as he heads to the moon. And it was especially poignant when they got to the dark side of the moon and they broadcasted back, shattering that distance record that had stood for over 50 years in all of humanity. He took the time to name a crater in his wife's memory. So powerful. As they were getting NASA's permission, and then NASA was acknowledging, OK, this crater now will be forever named after this woman. And then you saw, if you watch the YouTube video like I did, all the astronauts were hugging each other

when it was official and wiping tears from their eyes. Tears that don't, by the way, in space fall. They just stay blobbed up on your eye unless you rub them, right? Crying is different without the help of gravity. As I was listening to this and watching this, and so touched not knowing any of that background on his particular story up until that moment, it hit me as I was also simultaneously preparing for the series. Literally, I was watching love in the air. Don't get too specific with me. Space is a vacuum, all right? The point is they were up in the air. They were floating around in this environment. And yet, of course, his life hadn't turned out like he'd dreamt. His love life hadn't turned out like he had hoped it would. And yet, his response to that loss was to change the name of the whole, to speak a new name over that crater. As we begin in this journey, this series of messages preaching about God's design for human relationships, I want to acknowledge that things maybe in your life haven't gone according to plans. But let me tell you, that doesn't mean that God doesn't have a plan. And God is willing to speak a better word, to write, and to rewrite when it comes to your love life. What we're going to be doing in the weeks of the series

is we're going to be studying chapter by chapter, verse by verse, through the Old Testament book of Song of Solomon. So if you have a copy of the scriptures, the easiest pro tip to find it is just find Isaiah and then turn to the left. Because Isaiah was so wordy, 66 chapters. He had so much to say. And if you just turn one book to the left, you'll get to Song of Solomon. And if you hit Ecclesiastes, you've gone too far. And this is basically, for all practical purposes, God's manual for how we are. to frame our thoughts when it comes to His design for human marriage. And it's an affirmation, a whole book affirming what we find in the Garden of Eden when God originally creates man, and then out of man brings a woman, and then brings them together and speaks blessing and goodness over their union. And the whole entirety of the Song of Solomon is God's way of affirming, yes, this is that. This is God's plan. No matter what craters come your way, no matter what loss comes your way, this is my best. This is my delight. And we see God's pleasure in it. My life was changed many, many, many years ago by studying when it came to how I was framing and going to think about and approach.

And just this last week, hitting with my beautiful bride, 22 years of marriage together, walking in, understanding, experiencing God's design for our marriage. And I'm more convinced than ever from the vantage point of what we've experienced and how we've watched God bless us through this gift of marriage that this 3,000-year-old document is as relevant, as needed, and as important as ever. And it so speaks to our moment that it could have been written last week. I've entitled this first message, what to do when you like someone. What to do when you like someone. Now, every message isn't going to immediately apply to your situation, but I would take them all to heart. I wouldn't like, oh, well, that's not where I'm at, so I'm not going to take notes. Because not only can God surprise you by speaking to you, but I also think that we're going to have people in our path that we can help process these things through. And you might have heard this message in one season and needed it for that which you were facing, but then you hear it today. Maybe there's a child, a grandchild, someone else in your life you'll be wanting to help process life and navigate life with you want to know. And so this is going to be like the pro tip

guide for having a crush, OK? So this is the field guide or manual for what to do when you are crushing big time, when you are into somebody, all right? Let's dig in. First verse, Song of Solomon, chapter 1. Here we go. The song of songs, which is Solomon's. We'll pause right there. All we've got in this verse is the title and the author, and yet there's some important details to pull from that. Why is that the case? Well, I heard it said a long time ago, and it sort of is always in the back of my mind when I'm trying to interpret the Bible, which is what I'm trying to do not only for myself all the time, but also to do for you, no pressure, just speak on behalf of God every week. It's OK. I'll be fine. And if I don't take that seriously, bad, bad, bad, right? Let not many of you become teachers, knowing you shall receive a stricter judgment. If you don't think that's in the back of my mind every week as I'm studying, you're crazy. The biblical rule of thumb that I kind of adhere to is this. If the plain sense of the scripture makes sense, don't go looking for any other sense, or it won't make sense. Or it won't make sense.

The plain sense, if it makes sense, don't go looking for some other kind of sense, because otherwise what you're going to find is something that makes no sense, OK? So what does that mean? Well, it's been called the grammatical historical expositional method, and there are other different ways of approaching scripture. But bottom line is, we're trying to use the history that we know, what was going on, the setting, or what was actually happening in the moment, the grammar, the words themselves, the culture, all of it in concert with the totality of all of scripture to interpret what's the plain meaning of the text. Because the big issue isn't what I think about the Bible, or what you think about the Bible. It's what the Bible has to say, right? So that's what we actually want to arrive at. All of that to say this. The Song of Solomon is commonly ignored, right? Commonly ignored, right? Many of you, you've never heard on a Sunday morning week by week just teach through all of these verses. And when I get to some of this stuff, you're going to know why, right? Some of this stuff is like, wow, that will make anybody blush to say out loud in front of people while wearing a microphone, all right? And so as a result, J. Vernon McGee one time called it the most neglected book in scripture.

Think about that. The most neglected book in scripture, about a subject that almost all of us have experienced the pain of it not going right. What a crazy thing that is. But we're not unique in Christians in ignoring the Song of Solomon, because the ancient Jews did too. Did you know that rabbis used to teach that no one was allowed, it was forbidden to read this book until you got to age 30? They said it was too hot to handle. So they rated this sucker PG. G30. Now, let me tell you, if you ain't got God's plans for your love life downloaded onto your system by the time you're 30, honey, that ship has sailed, all right? So we need an ounce of prevention better than a pound of cure, they say, right? And so when God's people haven't been just outright ignoring this book, I think a lot of times, out of embarrassment, God's people have tried to explain it away. Because the grammatical historical method of interpreting scripture is not the only one. There's also what's known as the allegorical, which is where you just get to run roughshod through the Bible saying everything doesn't mean what it plainly says. And here's what actually is meant by that, right? And you can get into trouble because if you're not careful doing that, then you're basically in charge.

And you can make the Bible say anything you want it to say. And sometimes this is done just out of, I don't understand how this could possibly mean that, right? So the ancient Jews took all the prophecies concerning Jesus' coming, and they didn't know what to make of them. So they explained a lot of them away. And they symbolized them and allegorized them. And well, they can't mean this, because how could anyone be virgin born? And how could anyone grow up partially in Egypt but be from Bethlehem and be from Jerusalem? So creatively, well, that's not what he actually means. And then here comes Jesus, and what does he do? He pulls everything God plainly said the Messiah would actually do. And so it's better to sit with tension and to not know how God is going to do what he said he's going to do versus us trying to take it upon ourselves to help God out. And I think the same thing is also done just as an aside with the book of Revelation, where we take the promises of his second coming, and we're like, well, how could that possibly happen? So he must actually mean this, and we're going to help God out, doing for his second coming what he didn't need us to do for his first coming? Because when he wants to come back, he will come back how? How?

He plainly said he's going to return. And so better for us just to humbly respond to it, a humility in our theology, as opposed to us loftily, well, here's what God actually, actually means. And I think the Song of Solomon has often been butchered with allegory out of embarrassment because God can't actually speak that bluntly about the birds and the beasts. I mean, we're going to get to a message. I mean, we're going to find this couple. They're going to go from the attraction phase all the way to commitment to death do us part. In the middle, we're going to have a whole sermon about how to guide for honeymoon. I mean, we're going to have to turn the AC up, all right? And what we're going to do is humbly acknowledge God means what he says. And he cares about how we approach our love lives and how good of God to give us a guide for navigating these things. Because otherwise, you end up with nonsense. You end up with nonsense. Because some will say, oh, this is only an allegory of Christ's love for the church. Now, I love Jesus. I don't love him like that. I just can tell you right now, we're going to read some stuff. So is the book of Song of Solomon just a way to allegorically understand

God's love for the church? I would say yes and no. Yes, in that all marriage, we are told according to Ephesians, is a picture or a way for us to understand God's love for the church. But I don't think that's all it is. Otherwise, why is it a love story about a real person who we're told his name? His name is Solomon. So that helps us to actually get acquainted with the characters a little bit. Solomon was the third real king of the nation of Israel. He ruled from 960 to 922 BC, roughly. And he was the son of David and Bathsheba. And after Saul and then David, there's a few would-be kings in there. But the real serious reign is Solomon. And this is his song. This is his story. It's not just his song. It's the Song of Songs, which is a superlative meant to help us understand the gravitas of a something, the holy place, but the holy of holies, king of all kings, name above name. So Solomon, according to 1 Kings chapter 4, wrote 1,005 songs. Homie was prolific, always writing songs. But God's word tells us out of all the songs he ever wrote, this one was the Song of Songs, a love song that belonged to Solomon. Now, you might pause and go, Levi, if you could,

I guess if you're watching this, you can. But you might pause and go, wait a minute. What's this dude writing the manual on love, sex, and dating? Wasn't he married like a bunch of times? To which I would just, let's get that out of the way right from the beginning. Yeah, he had 700 wives and 300 porcupines. No, concubines. 300. Now, many of those were basically ways that they would make treaties. That's not how God's people were meant to function, but land deals, agricultural deals. And they would get a wife along in the fine press. Some of those he may not have ever met. And all of those, the Bible tells us, happened. later in life when his heart was led away from following God. And I would ask you this question, what happened as a good? Every time he drifted from God's plan, the Bible says he was pulled towards the foreign gods that all those pagan women brought with him. But to actually answer the question, why would God pick him to write the book on marriage? I don't know, maybe through process of elimination. No one knew better than him. What is not God's plan? What is not God's best? He's like, let me tell you.

Let me speak from experience. I blew it, OK? So how do we reconcile the chronology? It seems that perhaps what we're about to read is his first and most real love story, maybe at the beginning when he sought out to follow and emulate the plan of God in creation, one man, one woman, one lifetime, that this was his wife. And when he wrote everything he writes in the song, he meant it. And that perhaps as he writes this book, it's from the vantage point later in life of what he realized he had all along that he never needed to leave, what he never should have tried to get an upgrade from. And so it's possible this then becomes even more poignant as God is using a broken person to accomplish his purpose. And what are, after all, we reading when we read the book of Psalms? The words of a serial sinner who, if you actually count the times he sinned, he sinned even more than Saul did. It's crazy. And God rejected Saul. So why did David get to be the man of God in the heart? Well, because David also repented even more than he sinned. And so you read Psalm 23. This is an adulterer and a murderer, just FYI. Read the book of Romans, the Magna Carta of Christianity, written by a guy who murdered Christians,

called himself the chief of sinners. So God delights to use broken people to accomplish his purposes, and he gets glory. What that means is there's room for us to be used by God as well. Praise the Lord. All right? So cast of characters. We're going to find, as we read the book, a guy named the Beloved. Whenever the Beloved is used, you can just write down in your notes, that's Solomon. Solomon is the Beloved, the wisest, richest king to ever rule Israel. Also, perhaps, more mistakes than anybody as well. We know owned flocks and vineyards all over the place. And on one of the visits, perhaps, to one of these places, he met this young peasant woman. And it's a full Cinderella-style love story, honestly. She is going to be called often the Shulamite. I want you to get used to that word, the Shulamite. That's going to describe Solomon's love interest, the woman who will get swept off of her feet, a young woman who comes from humble origins. Her family lived in a small village in the region of Galilee area. And we know it was a place where there was vineyards and farming, et cetera. But when we find the Shulamite, that's not her name. That's a title.

Like when Jenny got introduced with me when we came into our wedding reception 22 years ago. And they said, want to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Levi-Lusko? By calling her Mrs. Levi-Lusko, that's the same thing with Shulamite. Solomon, or Mrs. Solomon, would, in that Hebrew culture, become Shulamite, Solomite. She's Mrs. Solomon. So that nickname is who she is. Now, who is she? This is where it gets fun. We don't know. And that's my honest take on it. We don't know who exactly she is. We do know that some theologians believe she could be Abishag. Abishag from 1 Kings chapter 1, who got brought in to be a caretaker for King David when he was super old and super cold. Blood circulation and age seem to reverse work, get an inverse correlation. So the older you get, the colder you tend to feel. Why is Florida full of old people? For that exact reason. So she was like a living Florida for King David, who was cold. And he couldn't get warm. And in his feeble state, someone had the idea of getting him a heating pad. And her name was Abishag. There was no sexual interaction. He did not know her like a man knows his wife.

But she would just lie down when he was cold. And it would be like if you were in a survival situation. Let's all get together and share some body heat. And so that was Abishag's job. If that is the case, the text tells us she was the most beautiful they could find for this role. It is certainly possible that Solomon would know her and be around her and have bumped into her throughout that time. So that's interesting to me. Also, you're going to see a supporting character role, the Daughters of Jerusalem. These serve two purposes. Number one, they end up becoming like the choir, like you would have in a Broadway play, where all of a sudden you have this, who's this group of people? They just show up randomly and start singing and saying stuff. They're kind of a, it's a flourish for it. It gives us a break, gives us a chance also to reframe our thoughts. And they're used to convey plot lines moving forward. But some have theorized that the daughters of Jerusalem could also be like Shulamites' girlfriends, bridesmaids, others in the city that she would go to for advice, counsel, encouragement throughout the process. That's helpful. We'll come back to that.

And then last but not least, where is God in the Song of Solomon? Nowhere. Nowhere. Song of Solomon joins the book of Esther as being literally a book of the Bible where God's never named. And I find that interesting because God's everywhere in the book. And when you can see him specifically the least, you have to just truly trust and believe he's present and he's working. And in his providence and in his sovereignty, he's there. I mean, he's all over the place. This is his plan. And there is actually a place, I'll point it out as we continue, you want to be here for all the weeks of the series, this literally is just our amuse-bouche today. We're just getting the appetite flowing a little bit. There's a part where it seems he speaks. And there's just this voice of a narrator kind of speaking with delight and joy over this whole thing, almost like when he said, it is good in the garden. And we'll point that out. But again, like I said, his name is never named as though like, here's God in the book of Song of Solomon. But we'll be looking for his fingerprints as we go. As a song, there's no strict chronological order exactly. And there is flash-forwards.

And there is flash-backwards. And so sometimes it can get a little confusing exactly. But think of it like a song, where there's a verse, and a bridge, and then a chorus. And then you might be back to a verse. And so we have to think of it in those terms. But as we look at their relationship play out from meeting, and eventually to the grave, altered commitment to the grave, we will get a sense and a sweeping plan of, we're going to have a whole week on how to fight with your spouse. That's real. Once they get married, they start fighting. It's crazy. And so we're going to see a painting, hopefully. Why? Because sin is a disordered imagination. And God wants you to have a properly ordered imagination when it comes to how you think about his plans for your love. And so with that painting properly hung inside the imagination of our minds, we will know to pursue what God has for us to pursue. Only two points today. First is, we want to see an attraction with traction. Verse 2, continuing, and Shulamite is speaking here. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. OK, so you like him. All right. Well, we've got that established.

It's attraction, by the way. Her first thoughts as she's around this guy, she's into this guy, she's saying, I like him. Right? I want him to kiss me and on my mouth. We are off to the races. We are off to the races. But I think we shouldn't rush past this, but we should identify and hold this up as a God-given part of human sexuality, that something ignites inside of her. She's saying, I'm attracted to him. The sex drive doesn't begin when you say I do and get into that honeymoon suite, right? No, it begins, she's finding it, she's feeling it right here. She's like, I just know, there's something in me going, I want this guy, I want him. And that's important. And that's not something to be ashamed of. That's not something to be embarrassed by. If God gave it to us, he has a plan for how it's to be utilized. You can exercise a God-given appetite in a God-honoring or a God-dishonoring way, and all of us are either honoring or dishonoring God with how we respond to our urges. And she's just saying, let the record state, I got an urge for this guy. I like him. I remember in Bible college, some of the guys,

we'd sit around and we'd just talk about girls. That's what you do, right? And I remember at one point, I just distinctly remember someone saying, what are you guys interested in when it comes to finding a wife? Because some people, by the way, go to Bible college just to find a wife. That's a good thing. It is what it is. They had it in the pamphlet, ring by spring or your money back guaranteed, you know? And so you sit around talking about this sort of stuff. And I remember one other guy, what are you guys looking for? And this one guy, real holy, real pious, he goes, you know, I just am looking for a woman who loves the Lord with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength, cares for the poor, is concerned for the lepers. I'm like, you are describing Mother Teresa of Calcutta, right? I'm like, I'm looking for someone hot, you know? Is that OK? I want a kisser with the kisses of my mouth. And we feel like, well, that's not holy. That's not spiritual. Let me just clear this up. It is not bad for you to want to marry someone that you're attracted to. It will help.

It will help, you know? You're going to be around them a lot. It would not be awful if you liked what you saw, right? That's a good thing, OK? And she does. She doesn't just like him a little. She likes him a lottle, right? Verse 2 continues, for your love is better than wine. Your love is better than wine. She said, I feel drunk around you. It's crazy. I'm like buzzing from seeing you. This is like Twitter patient Bambi, right? She's puppy love. I'm not myself. There's like a chemical thing happening that she's describing. Let's celebrate that. When you feel that, what a gift it is to be alive. When you sense that, that's an amazing God-given thing. That's beautiful. I remember when Jenny and I first met, I was so self-conscious being around her. I was like, just keep walking. Just keep chewing your gum. Like normal things, body function, like breathe now. Breathe, you know? I pull into the parlor. I was an assistant youth pastor. She was an intern at the church. She had six months left in a year-long commitment

to not date anybody when I met her. And I had made no such oath before God. No such oath. And so to keep it cool when I wanted to act on, wanted to be able to flirt, wanted to ask her out, wanted to get, but couldn't do any of that. So just being around her and acting normal, when I felt like the effects of wine on me being around her, I would pull into the parking lot. If I saw her car, I would forget to put my car in park and get out. And the car's still trying to chase after it hits the curb, you know? Everything's fine. I'm fine. We're good. You know, I would find myself in the building where she worked in, you know? It's like, what are you doing? I'm using the printer. Is not a printer in your building? I like the toner in this one better. Just, oh, hi, Jenny. You know, it's like, just, I felt what, what, what. And that's an amazing thing. And yet, notice what she says next, OK? Because I said attraction, but what did I say? Don't stop there. Don't stop there. It's fantastic to be attracted.

Don't stop there. It's tempered by verse 3. Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, your name is ointment poured forth. OK, what is she saying? She's saying two things. She's saying, first of all, you smell good, which pro tip, pro tip, you're like, I'm interested in finding someone. Have you thought about Listerine? Have we thought about basic hygiene? This is a good start. Especially in the ancient world, they didn't get showers super regularly. They didn't have antiperspirant. So they would wear different colognes and perfumes. But she says, you don't just smell good, your name smells good. Ooh, now we're getting to something. Now we're getting somewhere. Why? Because in the Bible, listen to me, a name is not just a name. The Bible tells us often Jesus would change names. God would change names. When? When he changed an identity. When he changed a destiny. So what do names speak of in scripture? Character. The Bible says those who know God's name put their trust in him.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower. What does your name smell like? Is your name ointment poured forth? Scripture talks about living to the gospel, your name, the aroma of life versus the aroma of death. She's saying, I'm not just trusting myself because I crush on you. I smell character in your name, in who you are, OK? So she's looking deeper than just what he looks like. She's looking deeper than just what's in his dating bio, which, by the way, anybody can use any words they want at any time to put anything they want out there. She's saying, what I'm seeing emerge is integrity. You need to know this when you have a crush. Charm is deceitful. Beauty is passing. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. So that's why I said the attraction needs to have traction. If you're going to end up bringing someone in a covenant with you to marry for a lifetime, looking out across the seasons, it's like a cross-country road trip through the winding mountains, through every different kind of season and snow and sheer cliff faces, right? So just to have, man, they get my wheels spinning. OK, are you going to fall off a cliff when it's snowy and it's a single lane road? Is there traction?

Is there tread? And the only thing that's going to give your relationship staying power long-term is something deeper than just, she's hot. Because I would just say, so is hell. You know what I'm saying? We can't just be only looking at what they look like and how much money they have and how charming they are and their biceps. And you realize all of that's going away. I mean, everything eventually fades on this Earth. But these things on the inside, they get better with time. And these things, we get to keep forever. What is it going to be like to grow old and suffer and die with that person? How will they be in Christ? Will their name speak of character? In the low moments, if one of you ended up, God forbid, disabled or chronically, what would they be like if the wedding vows don't just go better, but they go worse? If the wedding vows don't just go health, but go to sickness, what will it be like to suffer and grieve and lose in this life alongside of them? And these things, of course, take time to come out. You don't see them the first time you hang out. You don't see them right away. It takes time to figure out, are they emotionally mature, are they connected, have they processed trauma they faced in a healthy way?

Are there addictions or other bad habits or spiritual strongholds? How do they react when they don't get their way? What is their fighting style? So yes, be attracted, but look for something deeper, an attraction with attraction, because there are plenty of people in this world with a beautiful face and an ugly soul. And that's not what God has for you. The result of her seeing his character is verse 3, therefore, the virgins love you. Draw me away, the daughters of Jerusalem say. We will run after you. The king has brought me into his chambers. Seems to be a flash forward. The daughters of Jerusalem say, we will be glad and rejoice in you. We will remember your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you. OK, what's happening here? Your attention, please. It seems that she's processing her feelings in light of community. Huge. She doesn't trust her objectivity. Why? She just admitted she feels impaired. She just admitted that she's like, mm. So what is she going to do? Hey, what do you guys think?

Guess what I did when I first started being attracted to Jenny? Told no one nothing for a while. Tried to play it cool unsuccessfully longer. Then I called one of my friends and said, can I take you to lunch? He worked alongside me. Hadn't talked to him about Jenny. Was so nervous. Asked him to go to a Middle Eastern restaurant that he said was good, because I knew he liked it. And so let's go eat there. Halfway through the meal, I tried to work it out to be like, I like Jenny. I like Jenny. I was going to say that to him. I like Jenny. Right as I was about to say it to him, a belly dancer came out from this curtained area in the restaurant and started. I was like, what is going on here? We're like, no. Go away. Stop belly dancing, please, forever. And I'm like, I like Jenny. He was so sweet. He acted so surprised. He goes, oh, really? Oh, really? I go, oh, you could tell?

He goes, Levi, a blind, deaf, dumb monkey around you for five minutes could tell, yes. He goes, but you know what? I think it's amazing. I think Jenny's phenomenal. And I just know where you're going in life, what you want for your life. I know from what I could tell, he just spoke affirmation like these women of Jerusalem over the idea. I processed my intoxication out in terms of wise counsel. You need to have the right people speaking over your relationship as it buds in springtime. Second thing we're done here, insecurity with integrity. That's what we find in this first seven-verse passage that describes their blooming chemistry, all right? Insecurity but with integrity. Verse 5 says, I am dark but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me, she says, because I'm dark, because the sun has tanned me. My mother's sons were angry with me. They were mean. They made me the keeper of vineyards. But look at my own vineyard, a metaphor for her body. My own vineyard I haven't taken proper care of. What's happening here? I told you it was a Cinderella story. It seems the Shulamite's mom ended up

remarrying a new man, whether death or divorce, we don't know. And the new man had sons who she calls my mother's sons. She didn't say my brothers because they're not. They're her mom's new sons. And those young men made her do all the work so they could sit around and be like Cinderella's stepsisters, OK? She ends up out in the fields taking care of the vineyards. And she ends up tan. And you're like, lucky. No, no, no, that culture was different. They prized pale skin. And so only servants and people working hard in the field would end up with bronzed complexion that we prize today. And for her, it was a source of embarrassment because all the girls that she thinks in her mind this awesome guy would want are all pale. But she is super dark. So she's insecure about how she looks. How about this relevant for our day? How many of us have thought in times, like, I wish I could change this about how I look, or there's no way I'll have love because I don't look like these other people? Or how could God have love for me in the midst of my insecurity? But I love this. Even though she's insecure, she has integrity. She has integrity with her insecurity.

Verse 7, tell me, oh, you whom I love, where you feed your flock, where you make it rest at noon. For why should I? Be as one who veils herself by the flocks of your companions. If you do not know affairs among women, follow in the footsteps of the flock and feed your little goats beside the shepherd's tents." Basically, in that day, it would be common for a working class girl with a tan to need to take drastic action in order to secure a man for herself. And so some would resort to ending up where the shepherds were with veils. And this is code for a prostitute. And she is saying, I might not be a pale princess like every other fairy tale story cultures cramming at me. By the way, the more time you spend on social media, the less satisfaction you will have in your body. This is a fact. And it just accelerates what is already a chronic issue in our culture, which is eating disorders. Saying, I'm not lovely. I'm not lovable, which is a lie. Which is a lie. Which is a lie. You need to let your Father in Heaven speak over you. That you are beautiful. You've been created in His image. You have value. So here's this girl saying, I might be insecure. But there are things I'm not going to do in order to get a man. And people say, oh, you got to be realistic.

You got to put out a little bit. There's no way he's going to be interested in you if you don't. And she goes, I'm not wearing the veil. I'm not doing what culture says that we got to do with this gift that God's given to us called sexuality. And in drawing this line in the sand, she's basically saying, I'm willing to forego this relationship if running after him keeps me from running hard after God. So what do we have? We have, as just this beginning of this relationship, we have a guy with character better than his looks and a woman whose commitment to Christ is more important to her than her skin. And they haven't even touched yet. We're just beginning to start the story. As we wind down, I was listening to an interview this week with Ridley Scott, who directed Gladiator, but also directed The Martian, the first book from Andy Weir, who made the hit movie Project Hail Mary out of his third book. And in the interview, he said something Ridley Scott did that so spoke to exactly what we're seeing in Song of Solomon. He said this. When I make a movie, the most important thing that I have to do is get the casting right. He says, if I can get the casting right, I solve so many problems my future self is going to deal with because I'm putting the right people in the right roles who are going to make those future decisions for me. So he was saying, think about this, the best thing someone can do is to cast the role properly because who you put into that position

is going to make decisions that are going to make your life better or worse down the road. I say to you the same when it comes to casting the person who's going to stand apart from you and say those vows entering into the covenant of marriage when a pastor like me is officiating. It is so incredibly important that you do a future version of yourself a favor. How can we do it? Well, let me just close with a five-step checklist for when you have a crush. And it spells crush. The C stands for Christian. Is this person a Christian? Now, notice I did not say, do they go to church? Do they have a Bible? Do they claim to know or believe in God? Are they spiritual, right? James says, even demons believe in God. And I don't think you should date a demon. I just don't. Some of you are like, I have, and I can amen that. So are they a Jesus person? Secondly, are they reliable, right? Are we getting the sense that this is the kind of person who's honest, who does what they say they're going to do? Are they going to keep their word? Or again, are they just kind of smirk and whatever? Are they playing it both sides? No, no.

Is this a reliable person? What will it be like long-term to be with this person when the chemistry kind of subsides somewhat and deepens? You, under their skin. What's under their skin? Is there an intellectual compatibility? Is there an emotional maturity? What's going on beneath that skin? And then number four is S, servant. Jesus said, true greatness is a servant. Not someone who demands to be served, but a servant. Is this a person who's going to serve God together with you? And then H is honor. Honor. The Bible connects honor and marriage every single time, right? Honoring God when it comes to marriage. Honoring the other person. Honoring the marriage vows, right? And they're telling you, we're going to see as the weeks go on, they're telling you everything about what they think of honoring God when it comes to how they're honoring you today. Honoring your parents before they're married, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. These are ways that you can kind of filter your crush. Have the crush, great, celebrate. It's God-given, right? But before they go to the next level, we want to run them through before we rush to cast them. Now, as we close, let me just say, for some of you hearing all of this, you're just like, dude, my love life right now, let me tell you,

it's a giant, big hole. But where do we begin? God can speak a new name over an old crater. And what's going on in your life today, what's in your heart today that you wish I would have heard this, and I didn't know this, and there's so much pain and loss and difficulty, I don't even know, here's where we begin. We begin to looking to God who can speak a new name. How? Through the power of his cross, which is what Reid Wiseman began to sob when he saw when he got back to Earth. Did you see the interview? He said, I was so overwhelmed emotionally, I asked for a chaplain to come in. And he said, I'm not even very religious, but when the chaplain walked in the room, I saw a cross on his uniform, and I lost it. What made him get so overwhelmed? He had just left this world. He was overwhelmed because someone had come to this world. And greater love has no one than this, than a man would lay down his life for his friends and friends. That is what Jesus did for you. And so God, we look to you to navigate what can feel so confused and complicated, and that is our relationships.

At the outset, I just want to know, is there anybody today who would say, from the jump, I want to say, God, I'm in on your plans for me. I want what you have for me, God. If that's you I'm describing, everywhere who can hear me, just put your hand up. Just, God, I want your best for my life. I want your best for my love life, my marriage with God. Thank you. Thank you. I don't know all that's going to entail, but could you speak a word over my crater today, over my pain today, over my life today? Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, God. Thank you for giving us courage, God, even for some of us today, to act on who we're kind of toying around with dating today. But there's not that. There's not that, as I look at it. Thank you, Jesus. You can put your hands down. I want to now invite anybody who's not trusted Christ to be your Savior and Lord, to make the most important decision of your life. Jesus died and rose from the dead. And if you turn to him in faith to make him your Savior and Lord, he will come into your heart. He'll give you heaven to look forward to, meaning to live with, hope for life's challenges.

If you're here today and you've not trusted Christ as Savior, I'm going to pray a prayer. I want you to pray it with me. Church family is going to pray it with us. No one praying alone. All of us praying together. Say this to God. Dear Lord, I'm sorry for my sins. Thank you for sending Jesus to die for me. I believe that he rose from the dead. And today, I give you my heart. Be my Lord and my Savior. And help me to follow you. In Jesus' name.