Dating With Soul But Not Soul Ties

New and improved is not always a good thing. Something can be new and improved. Something can be tweaked. Something can be the new upgrade and be worse for it. For example, I think about how, in a car, there used to be a stick shift. You would just grab the gear shift and drop it into reverse, drop it into neutral. There was a satisfying thunk you used to feel. Now it's just weird, stupid buttons. This is not better. We're not better for it. Guys, there's still diseases that haven't been cured yet, right? We don't need a button to change the gear. Anybody with me? Or is this just a hot take? Is it? OK. My personal opinion. Elevators. I don't know if last time you were in an elevator was, but there's new elevators out, new elevator technology. It's worse. It's not better. Otis, if you're listening, quit it. It was fine before. What was wrong with the buttons, the circular buttons? That was satisfying. I like the buttons.

Now it's just like iPad outside the elevator. So once you're in, you've already selected where you're going. You can't change your mind. There's elevators literally with no buttons in them. Who was clamoring for this new upgrade? What was wrong with the old technology? I need floor 17, right? Now, it's so stupid. OK. But the granddaddy of all bad upgrades has got to be the paper straw. The straw technology was working fine, OK? I would say paper straws suck to make a statement, but they don't. They turn to pulp in 30 seconds. And they only have one job, literally, and they don't deliver on their only job. All right, so new and improved is a mistake if it was fine the first time around, right? No, I'm not saying I'm not in favor of technology. I'm glad that when I broke my femur, they gave me anesthesia and didn't tell me to bite down on this stick real hard. You know what I'm like? I'm all in favor of it when there's actually something to improve. But when something was designed perfect the first time around, it doesn't need to be tweaked. We are in a series that we've called Love is in the Air.

And we are opening a book of the Bible. 3,000 years old, that basically, its entire poetic purpose is to affirm that when God originally created romance and sex and marriage, He did it great the first time. And so it doesn't need to be improved. It doesn't need to be changed. It doesn't need to be addressed. It needs to be followed the way that He gave it to us. Now, of course, in opening up the Bible to talk about how to approach marriage and romance and all of that, I just want to run it up the flagpole from the very beginning that what we're about to find is what the world calls old-fashioned. And I think that's one of the best things about it. That's a compliment, not an insult. Because God got it right and declared it good when He gave it to us. He didn't give us something that needed to be fixed. And so when we look at what the Bible says, let me just tell you, it's different from culture. Because culture says, if you feel it, do it. If you feel it, act on it. If you feel it, that's your truth now. And so go do whatever you want to do with the feelings you have, which is why every time we watch a movie, what? People feel something, and then what are they doing? They're jumping into the sheets. They're jumping into the second, immediately acting on what they were feeling.

And as they do, they move away, listen, from God's revealed plan. And when we turn away from that, that's called sin, turning away from God's plan. And when we choose sin, we always choose to suffer. We always choose to push happiness further away from us. Now, let me just be clear in saying any of all this. I am not here as your pastor to shame you for your past. I have come to fight for your future. If I had a time machine, I'd fire the sucker up, get us all in it. I'd go in the past, too, and erase the sins I did as well. I'd correct those choices as well. I would take away a decade of pornography addiction, just for starters. If we all could pass the mic around and tell each other our deepest, darkest secrets, we probably wouldn't let half of you in here, and half of you wouldn't listen to me either. But what we're here to do is to listen to God's plan as we face the life that is still in front of us, not our yesterday, but our today, so we can see a different tomorrow, in Jesus' name. All right? So that's what we're here to do. As we come to the topic of dating, I've given the title of this message. Now, if you weren't with us last week, we were introduced to our couple, Solomon and the Shulamite,

or Solomon, as they will be known as, and Mrs. Solomon. And we saw their crush, for all practical purposes, their, oh, I like him, like, I'm in love, and I'm in love with him. And we saw their love for each other. And we saw their love for each other. And we saw their love for each other. And we saw their love for each other. And we saw their love for each other. Like, I'm in love, and I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it. Like, their feet aren't touching the ground. They're making everyone gag around them in the vicinity, the puppy eyes. And there was chemistry. And we acknowledged how important it is that the Bible gives us a book, not just a verse, but a book that's like, hey, that's cool. Did I do good? God's standing back, admiring his handiwork as they're falling for each other. Because Jesus took on a body. Your body's coming out of the grave. Your body matters. He gave you those processes, the sexuality, the pheromones, the testosterone, all of that. It's all a part of how he built you. But there wasn't just chemistry. Chemistry is enough to get it started. It's not enough to sustain. Nobody is 50 years married based on chemistry.

There's got to be something deeper. And for the Shulamite, what she saw was character when she looked at Solomon. And what he saw when he looked at her was commitment. So it was deeper than just attraction. There was commitment to God and character. And we're going to watch things heat up. And the relationship is actually going to take shape as they, using our language, not theirs, are basically boyfriend and girlfriend. And what I want to do is, pulling from their culture into ours, I want to give us three attributes of a godly dating relationship. So that as you think about it, and I preach as a dad, as talking to my kids, I preach to you with the heart of a dad, things as you think about the dating world that should be a part of your life. The first is respect. There should be respect. I think the world could do with a great deal more respect. We had such a weird weather week this week. 80 degrees, and then it's snowing again. What are you supposed to do with all this? I got flipped off for the first time on my bicycle this of the year. First of many, I'm sure. And I just thought to myself, how could you be in such a bad mood on such a beautiful day? Just civility, respect, right?

And we cannot compute of a dating relationship honoring God where there's not that kind of respect. I want to show it to you. Look at verse 9 of chapter 1. He's complimenting her, and look what he says. He says, I have compared you, my love, to my filly among Pharaoh's chariots. Woo! Don't you even think about that at your next Hallmark purchase, right? My filly among the chariots, right? That is a weird compliment. Can we agree on that? You have a head like a horse. It doesn't feel right. This is a love song, and yet his first compliment here as they're dating is to call her a horse, right? You cannot find love songs with horse lyrics. I found one, actually. I literally asked AI to help me find it, and I got on YouTube to listen to it. It went like this, the old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be. No, listen. That's not a compliment. So what is Solomon saying? He's saying she's one in a million. Apparently, there was this mythical horse, almost, and it was at the front of Pharaoh's armies, this white filly, which, as we all know,

what effect it would have on all of the stallions, I mean, not great, right? You see the impact. A horse will kill itself on a fence post to get to a filly, a mare, in heat. And so the effect, and there's even battles that have taken place in history where people have sabotaged the enemy's army by releasing a filly and causing all of their horses to crash into the bushes and just lose the plan and completely misbehave. And so Solomon, who owned over 1,400 chariots and had 12,000 horsemen on his payroll, he was all about horses. And to him, it wasn't a beast of burden. It was a prized possession. So to update the language, we would have to use, like, you're my Lamborghini. Some of you girls are like, better, but no, still not loving it. But to call her without equal, without comparison, you're like, closer, warmer, warmer, we're getting there. And she then responds in kind. Verse 10, your cheeks, oh, sorry, this is still him talking about her. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments. Your neck with chains of gold. And then the response to that is, we will make you ornaments of gold with studs of silver, all of her girlfriends say to her.

What is he doing? He's praising her beauty. beauty, but in a tasteful manner. I think you'll agree. There's no peach emoji, all right? So he's not talking about apple bottom jeans. He's not, your body's a wonderland. No, no, no, no. Your face is beautiful. He's looking, he's giving her eye contact. You see what I'm saying? It's appropriate. He's being a gentleman here. He's totally respectful. Your cheekbones. He's commenting on her jewelry. And her response to her friends was, give me more of that jewelry. He likes it. He likes it. Get more of them. We'll get more of those. Get more of what Solomon likes. But what I want you to see is that he's cherishing her without cheapening, without degrading. He's not objectifying her. And that just shows the respect in his heart. He's holding back. Verse 12, she responds, while the king is at his table,

my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me that lies all night between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms in the vineyards of En Gedi. OK, it's heating up a little bit in here. What is she saying? In that day, you did not have the convenience of indoor plumbing, of hot water on demand. It was a difficult, cumbersome thing to bathe. And so, of course, women and men wanted to conceal their body odor. And one of the ways that women did that was they wore a special necklace that was also a diffuser. And they would have a bottle of perfume. She references spikenard, which we know is this import from India that smelled like roses, that happened to also be the perfume that Mary broke at Jesus's feet in John 12, that was criticized by Judas as costing an entire year's salary for the average worker. So when she, in her mind, tries to think of a compliment that's similar to Solomon calling her the white mythical steed that led Pharaoh's armies into battle, she can do no better than to say, you're my spikenard. You're that which I wear that gives me comfort. It's Shania Twain. I feel like a woman. She's saying, oh, oh, oh. She's saying, this myrrh that sits here all day long, giving me that I get past the smelthy,

do I smell like good, right? And so she says, that's you. You're, to me, this. Can I translate it? He says, you're my myrrh. She says, well, you're my myrrh. This is the most valuable thing that she can say, just as he has done the same. And so how do we treat things that are valuable? We treat them with great care. When she would handle that bottle, she took, she was delicate with it. She didn't want it to break. It was worth something. So she's telling him how she wants to treat him, with care. This is not just swiping through images on Tinder. I'm not just, you know, you see what I'm saying? Instant gratification, right? I'm going to take time. Solomon, who had all these horses, I mean, some of those horses, no doubt, live better than a lot of us do. They're taken care of, and fed well, and stalled well, and they travel around, and all the rest. And so he was communicating to her the care he wanted to give to her. This respect needs to be in your heart, or you're not ready to approach relationships. You're valuing the image of God in them. It can even be, young people hear me,

something that happens even before the relationship really begins. It was on my heart to do that when Jenny and I were interested in each other, but we had agreed to wait until her six-month remainder of her commitment to not date, this evil thing God had her doing for a year. We had six months to go. Well, I used that time well. Of course, we were friends, and all the rest. But then I had this idea to write a letter to her dad and introduce myself. So I had to be sneaky and figure out her address. And I wrote in this letter and just said, hey, here's who I am. I've met your daughter, super interested in her. She's not dating for this year, so we're just becoming friends. And I plan, when the year's over, to ask her on a date. Just want you to know I want to honor her. I always want what God wants for her. If that's not me, then I don't want to be in the picture. And I would love it if you were willing to bless me asking her. I realize she has to ask as well. Say yes to the ask, but I just want just you to know who I am. Here's my phone number. Licked a stamp, put it in the mail, lifted the little arm, waited for the mailman to come, you know, the whole deal. And it took like a week for him to call me back.

And I got this unknown phone number. I mean, I was just like, yes, and nervous. And he just said, thank you so much for asking. You totally have my permission. He asked a couple of questions and was really sweet about it, said yes. So then the great thing was at midnight, the day her internship ended, literally, 12.01. Jenny, I have a question for you. I was only able to ask her out, but I was able to get her to say yes. to tell her the surprise that her dad had said yes. And of course, I didn't obligate her. She could have said no. Let me say, I've had guys ask me, do the same thing for me for my daughters. And I always remind them, hey, they get a say in this matter as well. I don't speak for them, but you do have my blessing to ask them. And what's great about it is I'm trying to teach you, you can communicate respect. You can communicate care. You can communicate honorable intentions. And that doesn't have to stop at the point of asking them out. Guys, you can continue to initiate. You can ask a girl to go on a date. You can book a reservation. You can buy flowers. You can open the door.

You can put out the chair. The world calls it old fashioned. It's actually awesome, is what it is. And the world is waiting to see what can happen when men of God rise up and lead like he wants them to lead. And girls, if a guy plucks up the courage to do all that, you can go on a date every once in a while and say yes. Now, listen, I'm not saying you're obligated to date. I'm not saying you're obligated to be his girlfriend. But if a guy, you can also redirect. Hey, how about coffee? It doesn't have to be the wine and that. Hey, let's have a breakfast together. And the church can do better at not making it awkward. And we can normalize a couple going on a date or having some dates without it becoming like, oh, should we register for the wedding? Hey, no, actually, they're just having a latte. You see what I'm saying? Just to get to know each other. And maybe there's more. Maybe there's not. And maybe there's no harm if the date without any strings is fine but just wasn't, for whatever reason, something you want to continue. There's no problem with you being clear and direct. Thank you so much for asking. What a privilege. I enjoyed the time with you getting to know you.

I'm not interested in having another date with you. And that's OK, too. And so we're not having to try and read between the lines. Be clear. Be direct. And guys, listen, no playing the field and lots of different keeping someone out in the wings. And I've got this sort of person where I'm kind of like, a little bit of both here. No, no, let's be clear. Let's lead. The world's going to talk about toxic masculinity. But I'm telling you, there's biblical femininity. There's biblical masculinity that God has put within you to exemplify and to lead and to do what God's called you to do. This is respect. Secondly, there's regard. Regard as defined by attention. Regard as defined by focus. The way you regard something is you keep your eye on it. I want to show you that they are showing mutual regard in two different ways. Number one, through time spent in each other's presence. You can't date if there's not time to get to know each other. And you're evaluating, listening to the Spirit, listening to wise counsel. Should this move to the next level or not? And time's the only way to get there. Why?

Here's the formula for all relationship growth. Time spent equals relationship growth. That's the equation. You can't grow in a relationship where there's not time. So why do you always hear in church about quiet time? Quiet time. Because you can't grow in your walk with God without giving Him time. Why is coming together in Jesus' name on the first day of the week important? We're giving Him time as the new week begins to worship, not how we want to give it. This may not do anything for you. I connect with God more in a field, walking in the meadows. Who cares what you want? This is about Him receiving worship in the way He told us to give it to Him. Rejuvenate yourself on your own time. Give God the worship He demanded. And He said, on the first of the week, come together in my name to give me praise with my people. So your needs, quite frankly, don't matter. Not when we're talking about what God's love language is. So time, you can't grow when you walk with God without time. Quiet time, worship time. And in a relationship, how's the relationship going to grow if there's not time spent together? And what are they doing with that time? Let me show it to you. Verse 15.

Behold, you are fair, my love, he says. Behold, you are fair. You have dove's eyes. Some of you girls are like, man, he's still not getting it. Those are black and beady. No one wants to be told that. And then he is told by her, behold, you are handsome, my beloved. Yes, pleasant. OK, your attention, please. They're not making out. To look into each other's eyes and to speak back and forth, they're choosing real intimacy, not artificial intimacy substitute. When you're dating, speaking from experience, you want to make out all the time because it's easy and lazy. And you feel like we're so together. We're getting to know each other so much. No, you're not, right? It's wonderful, and it will have a place. And in the marriage bed, especially, it's going to have a tremendous place. But it actually, you don't know anything more about them than before you begin making out, right? So it feels like you're so close. But intimacy, someone said once, could actually be translated into me, you see. So the fact that they're looking eye to eye and talking gives us, actually, the chance to find out

what's really going on inside their head, and inside their mind, and inside their life, and what do they think about these things. And it's giving the chance for arguments and disagreements to come out. Plus, look at it this way. If you get married one day, and if you have an incredible sex life, and you have sex every day, sounds exhausting, but let's go with it, there will still be enormous periods of time where you are not engaged in the act of marriage. Agreed, right? Let's say it even lasts an hour. Let's say. Let's say it lasts an hour. There's still 23 other hours in the day. And almost every dating couple wants to only spend their time on what actually, fundamentally, will represent a minuscule sliver of married life, but have no preparation, training, or practice for what will actually occupy the vast preponderance of married life, which is what? Hopefully talking, and hopefully liking what you're doing. Hopefully being in each other's company. So by talking on a date, and exchanging ideas, and you're actually finding out if there's true, real compatibility, or just raw sexual horsepower. You see what I'm saying? So I love that they're talking, and not just talking, talking in public.

Verse 16, also our bed is green, the beams of our house are cedar, the rafters are of fir. This is awesome. They're on a picnic in the woods. But he treats her so well on this picnic that it's almost like her imagination transforms the picnic into a palatial scene of splendor. Do you know the Bible says that it's better to eat ramen noodles with love than bacon-wrapped filet mignon where there's only hatred and strife? That's my paraphrase. The point is, it's not just about the budget that makes it special. They're in a public place, so she feels super safe, right? Someone asks you to go to the dark corner of like, no, thank you. I'll send you a pin, meet me in the woods. Heart pass. All the flags, all the bad flags just went up. No, hey, we're outside in the park, there's people around. This is a safe place. And yet, because of his kindness and love, his romance is coming through. And that's something that can work on any budget. When Jenny and I were dating, I mean, our first date, I really went big, chilis. And after that, there was times like, hey, look, the reality of budget. I was in a ministry job.

It was an assistant role. We would go to Costco and get the hot dog and Coke combo, $1.44 or whatever it was, on a good week. On a bad week, it was samples. Let's just take another lap around. I'll wear your hat, you wear mine. Let's get the samples one more time. But honestly, as I think back on 22 years of marriage and the 18 months of the dating and the engagement period for us, there's a couple notable. Yeah, we've had to meet with the Eiffel Tower in the background and been to Italy, and those are fantastic. But as I think about early on taking her to play laser tag or playing putt-putt golf or having a simple walk on the beach, you can make someone feel like a princess because of your attention and how you treat them and how you care for them. And that's what's happening here. She says these trees might as well be the rafters of a palace because you're so, what did she say, kind. What makes a man great truly is his kindness. He's pleasant. He's not moody. He's not mercurial. He's not short-tempered. And as a result, notice now, chapter 2, verse 1, she says, I'm the rose of Sharon. I'm the lily of the valleys.

This girl's come a long way from do not look at me because my skin is sunburned and I'm self-conscious because I don't feel as pretty as all the other girls. The way that he has treated her with respect appropriate to the station of life that they're in has caused her heart to bloom. She's moved from insecurity to confidence. When you watch this happen, especially when God is invited into the process, you can overcome past pain and abuse and difficult things you've gone through. God can bring you through anything. anything, whatever baggage is in your life. And so what I implore you to do, those of you just with your future in front of you when it comes to dating, which is all of us to some degree, how can you invite God into the process? My dad gave me some of the best dating advice I ever got. He said, I was about to take the first girl I ever took on a date, and he said, just my advice is pray with her in the car. Right when you shut the door and you let her in the car, get in. Before the date begins, just ask her would she mind if you'd open in prayer before the date? And it'll show that God's welcome there. And I was like, oh, she's going to seem so weird, and I'm so embarrassed. And so I shut the door, get in. Before I put the gear shift in, I said,

would you mind if I said a quick prayer? It's like, I feel so stupid. And yet, the exact opposite of what I thought was going to happen, she lit up. She thought that was so cool to invite and welcome. I just said, we know you're here. God, I want to honor you with everything we do tonight on this date. It just set the pace that this was going to be different, that God was going to be welcomed, that God was wanted there. And God always comes where he's wanted. He'll fill any space you give to him. And now she's the rose of the sheer and the lily of the valley and he goes, no, you're wrong. You're not the lily of the valley. Look at verse 2. He's getting better with his compliments. He says, you're like a lily among thorns. Hey, girl, hey. Every other girl is a thorn, but you're a flower? That's good. We could work with that. We could work with that. And it also shows his policy. He wants to not look at it, have eyes for any other flowers. They're thorns to him. And that's the mentality. She's not catching his roving eye, checking other girls out. What he's choosing to view, he wants to only have eyes for her.

That's God's plan. And then she says, you're like an apple tree among the trees of the woods. So is my beloved among the suns. I sat down and there's shade. That's important in a desert climate. And great delight, fruit sweet to my taste. If you were in a wild area, every tree would just be a wild tree. So to come across an apple tree, the presence of fruit would be different. So she's saying, as I look out at the landscape, I just see wild, barren trees. But you have not just shade. All trees have shade, but there's also fruit. And of course, that's a question we want to be asking when it comes to the dating phase. Is there any fruit? Because God has a green thumb. What is he trying to grow? Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control. And so where the Holy Spirit is at work in someone's life, there's going to be fruit. And what better way to watch whether there's fruit or not than allowing your relationship to play out within the paradigm of the local church, in small groups, on teams, showing up, where there's the context of authority and are you here on time?

How do they respond with kids? What arena in this world could you ever get all of the different kind of data in your mind of what kind of a man or woman of God this person is going to be down the road than having it take place within the four walls of Jesus's church? So she sees fruit. She feels shade. And now the second ingredient kicks in of regard. Regard is not just time spent, but it's time spent and public ownership of the relationship. Public ownership. One of my daughters, Daisy, was telling me of a friend of hers that she'll go unnamed who is dating a guy. And she was telling Daisy, my boyfriend won't give me his phone number. My boyfriend will only let me contact him on Snapchat. And I said, have you considered telling your friend her boyfriend might not be her boyfriend? I use boyfriend in air quotes. I use man in air quotes. This man is not her boyfriend. That's the reality. Where there's actually the presence of relationship, there's public profession. Why is baptism important? To publicly profess your relationship with Jesus to the world. You're saying, I'm going to be named.

I'm going to be counted. Yes, this is me. I'm all in on it. Verse 4, they're not at the picnic anymore. He brought me to the banqueting house. They're at Famous Dave's now. That's where they are. And his banner over me was love. He's got his arm around me in public. I want everybody to know this is my girl. This is the one that I love. I'm with her. There's not two phones. There's not two lives. There's not a side piece, right? He's saying, this is my girl. This is the one that I want. So those are the two ingredients for regard, time spent in public profession. The first ingredient of first is respect. The third and final of our three things, they all start with respect. The letter R is restraint. This is needed, because let me tell you, if you start showing respect to that guy, if you start showing regard to that girl, baby, you better buckle up, because you're going to need to restrain yourselves, because the processes God put into place are going to start to wake up inside your body, all right?

This emotional and all of this is going to wake up your sexuality, and that's why restraint's needed, verse 5 through 7. Sustain me, she says, with cakes of raisins. Refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. You're like, I've been turned on before. I have never once thought about raisins. OK, well, in that day, they believed that raisins were an aphrodisiac, OK? So to paraphrase, she's like, somebody get me some red wine and some dark chocolate, because mama's feeling something, right? Refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. And then, his left hand's under my head, OK, and his right hand embraces me. OK, now, if you've got your hand around a girl's waist and your left hand's behind their head, this is the perfect position. This is mooching. They're not looking into each other's eyes anymore. They're making out, OK? And she likes it, and she is very fired up. What about him? He's been fired up for some time. She is there now. He started there. The moment she said breasts, he's like, I'm there. I'm ready. Yes, all night, between your breasts. This is good.

She now is feeling it. And notice, she immediately says, I charge you. This means a solemn word. Oh, daughters of Jerusalem, listen to me. She's speaking out of those coming behind her. Listen to me. By the gazelles or does of the field. That's a serious farmer invocation of solemnness and weird also. I swear to dear. It's like, what? Do not, this is the part not to miss. It's repeated three times in the book of Song of Solomon. Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases, OK? At the end of this day, he gives her this kiss, and she is like ready to throw herself at him. She's like, take me now to better lose me forever, right? And she has to remind herself, and she has to remind herself because she's finding within herself the desire to give herself fully to him, to say, no, no. It's not time yet. It's not time yet. It's not time yet. That's a good, hear me. She doesn't say, you naughty, dirty, sinful girl. She says, it's not time for this yet. The idea is there will be a time, right? When she knows, I've covenanted my life to this man financially, spiritually, emotionally, relationally.

So every regard, then when I enter into coitus with him, our bodies with puzzle pieces fitting together become one. But I want to, with my body, say I'm one with him now, but I'm not one with him yet before God. So she says, I want to, before it's time, make my body give a promise that I haven't yet entered into yet. So she has to, one commentary says, pour cold water on herself to remind herself, it's good that I feel this way, and there will be a right expression of this desire. It's just not here yet. And when you start, and listen, where's the line, Levi? Where's the line? While I'm dating, how far? They're standing next to each other talking at Chili's, and then there's, you've had sex. Everything in between is some version of foreplay, OK? And if you think about foreplay like an escalator, that if you stand on, foreplay takes you to another level. That other level, that's where it's going. So the longer you're engaged in any of this behavior, the more likely it is that you will either end frustrated or fornicating. Those are the only two options. Frustrated is running with your hair on fire down the escalator trying to get back to the floor you're on, getting out of the situation because you got so revved up that now you're going to end up the night frustrated you awakened love so much, but it's not time yet.

Or the other end is just stay on that escalator and you're going to end up at that floor of now having sex with someone you're not married to because you're dating. And so the goal isn't how close to that next level can I get and still run down, right? It's to, like she says, remember, it's not time to awaken that love yet. So the heartbeat then is to not do anything with the person you're dating that you then should be saving for the spouse one day, even and especially if that spouse one day is that person. It's that spirit that says, it's not no. How many times do we have to say that to each other? Not no, just not yet. Not no, just not yet. I don't want to take anything from her husband, even if that's me in the future. Why? Well, because for one thing, it might not be you. The point of dating and engagement is for there to be a calling off. And if that was the case, then Jenny would go on to marry someone else that I could bump into one day at Home Depot with my future wife and her with her future husband. And there would be awkwardness no matter what, but there wouldn't be my soul's on fire because I tied my soul to that person that I wasn't yet married.

Do you see what I'm saying here? God's trying to spare you the unnecessary heartache. And we'll talk more as the series goes on about what actually happens in the sexual act that God wants to do that's divine, that's spiritual, that's beautiful. We'll get into all of this. But here's the ingredients we're seeing on display. Respect, regard, and where those two things are needed, well, then restraints needed, too. And then it becomes even more important through the dating, they're more at the picnic, they're more at the restaurant. Because if you're committed to restraining the fires of sexual love until it's time, there are gonna be practically some places that you're not gonna wanna go. Back seats of parked cars? Probably not, right? His apartment, her apartment? Probably not. You're gonna have to get real good at Panera Bread, you know? Free refills in that corner booth. Man, that's the stuff, and lots of people around. Let's just keep talking. How much Uno can you play, right? I came across, to end where we began, this social media thing about how food has changed. This is from like the 90s to now, how food has changed.

So for example, if you go to the grocery store, it's $19.99 and you buy a gallon of ice cream, this is all you're gonna see on the ingredients for Breyer's ice cream. Literally, you're gonna pick up the box, what's in it? You're like, oh, it's milk and sugar and cream and vanilla. That makes sense. Flash forward 2026, that's what's in Breyer's ice cream. Improvement? How about French fries? French fries in the 90s. What do we got in the French fries? Well, we got potatoes and beef tallow and salt, makes sense. How about French fries today? Improvement? I don't know. How about Twinkies? God love a Twinkie. Twinkie, I mean, when you look at it, you're like, that's actually not bad. Flour, milk, sugar, eggs, bananas. What's in a Twinkie today? What's in a Twinkie today? What is acid pyrosphosphate? That's not good. I don't even know what a polysorbate is, but I don't think I want it in my body. When God invented human sexuality, he had this plan. His plan for romance was you're single and you go through a crush phase, you vet that,

you get to a dating phase or courting, you get to eventually betrothed or engage, and then it culminates in marriage. Well, culture's like, oh, no, no, we can do better. Culture's like, we can do better. We can sneaky link and we can de lulu, and there's gonna be some catfishing and some rebounding and love bombing. It's cuffing season. Are we better? Father knows best. His plan, hey, come on, Forrest Frank said it well, your way is better, his way is better. God has a better plan than this culture does when it comes to sexuality. And listen to me, listen to me. Bow your heads, close your eyes, come on, listen to me. Hear your pastor saying this to you. This isn't about shame for yesterday. It's about hope for tomorrow. It's about a plan for today. This was not a message about what are the ways we've gotten it wrong. It's about what is the Holy Spirit of God calling us to do now, today, so we can walk into a different tomorrow. God, I thank you for your people. I thank you you love them enough to speak to me. You haven't left us without a plan. You haven't left us without a guide.

You've given us your thoughts, how to approach romance, which can feel so confusing, especially in a culture doing things the opposite way, in a way that honors you. We want that, God. We wanna follow what you're calling us to do. We thank you. As we're praying, with heads bowed and eyes closed, all across the church, there's even one person who would say, God, you've spoken to my heart. I wanna walk in your plans, even though I'm surrounded by a culture doing it differently. I wanna walk in your plans for my love life, not the new and improved, that old-fashioned plan you have. I want that, God. With everything I've been through, where I'm at today, I wanna follow that. If that's you I'm describing, just raise up a hand. Raise up a hand. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, God. Thank you, Lord, for your blessing, the way you're gonna steer us in good paths, good plans. You can put your hands down. I wanna invite now anybody here today who's not said yes to Christ, or perhaps like the prodigal son or daughter, you've strayed from your father. and you need to come home to Jesus today,

the Bible says if we open up the door of our heart, he will come in. I want to give you a space and time to do that, to open the door of your life to Jesus. The Bible talks about going from dead to life. That's what happens when we trust Jesus. In fact, to you I'm describing, wherever you are, I'm going to pray a prayer. I want you to pray it with me, to God in your heart, inviting him to be your Savior and Lord. In fact, to you I'm describing, say this to God. Church, pray it with us. No one praying alone. Dear God, I know that I'm a sinner. I'm sorry for my sins. I thank you for sending Jesus to die for my sins, that he rose from the dead. Today I give you my heart and my life. Thank you for new life. I give you mine in Jesus' name.