How to Make My Marriage Better - Herbert Cooper

Jesus came so lost people could be saved. This church is not a cruise ship where we lay by the pool. This is a battleship and for 23 years we've been on mission for Jesus. For 23 years we've been worshipping Jesus, preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, reaching lost people, baptizing people, helping people know God and grow in God, discover a purpose and make a difference. We've been on the mission of Jesus. For one reason, to see more changed lives. Welcome to People's Church everyone. I'd like to invite you to stand to your feet. Come on, let's put our hands together and celebrate the joy of the Lord. Let it be his strength today. Come on, say it. You are faithful to your promise. You are strong when I am weak. When I'm standing in your presence, I have everything I need. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Oh my soul, bless his hand. All that is within his hand. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Let it rise up like a river. Overflowing Holy Spirit. Let it pour out with no limit. Overflowing Holy Spirit. Let it rise up like a river. Overflowing Holy Spirit. Let it pour out with no limit. Overflowing Holy Spirit. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. It's more than a feeling. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Oh my soul, bless his hand. All that is within his hand. Oh my soul, bless his hand. All that is within his hand. Oh my soul, bless his hand. All that is within his hand. The joy of the Lord, the joy of the Lord is my strength. Oh we thank you for the joy. Oh we're so grateful God. He's so worthy Jesus. He's so holy today. We thank you God, we trust you today.

Days may be darkest. ♪ Your light is greater, you light our way, God you light our way ♪ ♪ When evil is rising, you're rising higher with power to save, with power to save ♪ Come on, sing it out. ♪ You keep hope alive, you keep hope alive, from the beginning to end, your word never fails, you keep hope alive, because you are alive, Jesus you are alive. ♪ ♪ And death had a stronghold, but your light was stronger, both from the grave, both of us from the grave. ♪ ♪ When evil is rising, you're rising higher with power to save, with power to save, oh you keep it alive. ♪ ♪ You keep hope alive, you keep hope alive, from the beginning to end, your word never fails, you keep hope alive, because you are alive, Jesus you are alive. ♪ ♪ There's hope in the morning, hope in the evening, hope because you're living, hope because you're breathing. ♪ ♪ There's hope in the breaking, hope in the sorrow, hope for this moment, my hope for tomorrow. ♪ ♪ There's hope in the morning, there's hope in the evening, there's hope because you're living, there's hope because you're breathing. ♪ ♪ There's hope in the breaking, hope in the sorrow, there's hope for this moment, my hope for tomorrow. ♪ ♪ You keep hope alive, you keep hope alive, from the beginning to end, your word never fails, you keep hope alive, because you are alive, Jesus you are alive. ♪ ♪ You keep hope alive, you keep hope alive, from the beginning to end, your word never fails, you keep hope alive, because you are alive, Jesus you are alive. ♪ ♪ You keep hope alive, you keep hope alive, from the beginning to end, your word never fails, you keep hope alive, because you are alive, Jesus you are alive. ♪ I'd like to invite our prayer team to come forward at this time. We are just a church that believes in the power of prayer. If you have a need today, no matter how big or how small that need is, we believe that God can make a way where there is no way. If you like prayer, all you have to do is step out of your seat, come forward, let's believe God for a miracle in your life. ♪ Standing here, not knowing how we'll get through this test, but holding on to faith you know best, and nothing can catch you by surprise. ♪ ♪ You've got this figured out and you're watching us now, and when it looks as if we can't win, you wrapped us in your arms and stepped in, and everything we need you supply. ♪ ♪ You've got this in control, and now we know that you can do it. ♪ ♪ You made a way ♪ Come on, we sing. ♪ When our backs were against the wall ♪ ♪ And it looked as if it was over ♪ ♪ Oh, You, You made a way ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made it ♪ ♪ Say You, You made a way ♪ ♪ When our backs were, when our backs were against the wall ♪

♪ And it looked as if it was over ♪ ♪ You made a way ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made a way ♪ ♪ You made a way ♪ ♪ You move mountains ♪ ♪ Because the walls still fall with Your power ♪ ♪ You perform miracles, there is nothing that's impossible ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made it ♪ ♪ Say You move mountains, oh, because the walls still fall ♪ ♪ With Your power, You perform miracles, there is nothing, there is nothing that's impossible ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made a way ♪ ♪ Because the walls still fall with Your power, You perform miracles, there is nothing, there is nothing that's impossible ♪ ♪ Because the walls still fall with Your power, You perform miracles, there is nothing, there is nothing that's impossible ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made it ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made a way ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made a way ♪ ♪ Say, You, You made a way ♪ ♪ You said, You made a way ♪ ♪ Say, You made a way, say You, You made a way, You made a way ♪ ♪ Don't know how, don't know how but You did it, don't know how but You did it, don't know how but You did it, don't know how but You did it ♪ ♪ Don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You did it, don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You made it ♪ ♪ Don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You made it, don't know how but You made it ♪ ♪ And we're standing here only because You made a way, and we're standing here, come on we sing, only because You made a way, and we're standing here only because You made a way. Thank You Lord, we believe You're still making ways when there seems to be no way. ♪ This is a house of worship, this is a place of praise, where every demon trembles, where we proclaim Your name. This is a house of healing, our hearts are full of faith, You have our full attention, You have the final say. Come alive in the name of Jesus, come alive in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles, we bring everything to the feet of Jesus, everything in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles Even the poor give way Come alive in the name of Jesus, come alive in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles, we bring everything to the feet of Jesus, everything in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles Come alive in the name of Jesus, come alive in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles, we bring everything to the feet of Jesus, everything in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles

I still believe you're moving, I still believe you're speaking, God I believe you're working, all things were good I fix my eyes on heaven, God I receive your vision, God I believe you're working, all things were good I still believe you're moving, I still believe you're speaking, God I believe you're working, all things were good I fix my eyes on heaven, God I receive your vision, God I believe you're working, all things were good Come alive in the name of Jesus, come alive in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles, we bring everything to the feet of Jesus, everything in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles We say come alive in the name of Jesus, come alive in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles, we bring everything to the feet of Jesus, everything in the name of Jesus, this is a house of miracles I still believe you're moving, I still believe you're speaking, God I believe you're working, all things were good I fix my eyes on heaven, God I receive your vision, God I believe you're working, all things were good I still believe you're moving, I still believe you're speaking, God I believe you're working, all things were good I fix my eyes on heaven, God I receive your vision, God I believe you're working, all things were good I still believe you're moving, I still believe you're speaking, God I receive your vision, God I believe you're working, all things were good God, would you heal my mom, would you heal her? And I was believing every step of the way. And she still ended up in heaven. I remember kind of being a little upset about it. And I realized that when you are in Christ, to die is gain. You are living in the advantage, no matter what space you're in. So whether the miracle or the answer comes today, comes tomorrow, or comes in eternity, God is still a miracle working God. But I want to encourage you. Some of you are discouraged because you've been saying the same prayer for years and years and years. And I just want you to know that it only takes one word from God to create an entire world. And he can change your situation in an instant. And I love how this song just says, I still believe you're moving. Why? Because he's still moving. I still believe you're speaking. Why? Because he's still creating. How many of you believe he's still doing miracles today? I just think we just got to get posture. Go ahead and believe for it. Go ahead and believe that God will come through. Come on. Will you just raise the faith in this room? Some of you just need to raise the faith. You've got to be thinking beyond today. You've got to be thinking a week from now, a year from now. You don't stop praying like you can do it today. Somebody lift your hands all across this room. Let's declare it today that no matter what, I still believe. I still believe you're moving. I still believe you're speaking. God, I believe you're working. All things are possible. I fix my eyes on heaven. God, I receive your vision. God, I believe you're working. All things are possible. I still believe you're moving. I still believe you're speaking. God, I believe you're working. All things are good. I fix my eyes on heaven. God, I receive your vision. God, I believe you're working. All things are good.

Come on, give him praise if you believe he's a powerful God. Come on, if you believe he's a miracle-working God. We honor you, Lord. We worship you, God. You're the God of miracles. We trust you today. Father, we thank you, Lord, that your presence is here. Where two or more are gathered, you are here in our midst. We are grateful that you are a powerful, mountain-moving God. We put our trust in you today. Speak to us, Lord. Change us. In Jesus' name we pray, amen and amen. Come on, give him praise one more time. Amen. Well, church family, before you're seated, let's take the next few moments, greet a few people around you, learn a few names, shake a few hands, and let's take some time to connect. All right. Well, welcome to People's Church, everybody. Hey, my name is Rob Champion. I am the campus pastor here at the Oklahoma City campus. Whether you're joining us online or in the house, we are family. We're so glad to have you with us today. Well, People's Church, we are seeing so many people surrendering their lives to Jesus every single week. So many people are growing in their faith. So many people are finding freedom. So many people are obeying the word of God and getting water baptized. And we are seeing over a thousand people get water baptized each year in our church. Yeah, praise God. But it's not just about that big number. These are real people who've had a real encounter. honor with the living God who have a real life change story of how God has transformed their life and every story matters to God and every story matters to us and we want to share just a few stories with you today of how God is changing lives through people's church. Check out this video. At 2023 my grandma passed away and it was just a really hard time for me. I had loads of problems going on in my life. I've been homeless countless times and I grew up without parents. I've been out there in the streets. I was injured a lot of moments in my life where I thought about getting baptized and he's been putting on my heart. So when I came back to the Lord in February, I just knew that I just, I want to get baptized. Just going in the water and then coming out, I just, it's just unexplainable. I felt very hopeful and right after I got dipped, it felt like a lot of weight was lifted up off of my shoulders.

And I felt like I was being free. That I felt a lot stronger and confident, not only in myself, but because God instilled that confidence inside of me. Got up out of the water, I just felt renewed. You know, obviously coming to the Lord and then making it final by getting water baptized and making it public. He's just so good. And I'm just so grateful for who he is in my life and what he's done with me and my children. All that stuff back there is over. I got a new way to go. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Well, church family, you know, I want you to understand something. You know, this is what you're serving on the dream team does. This is what you're praying at 21 days of prayer does. This is what you're giving when you give your tithe and you give your offerings. This is what it does. It helps us to be able to create an environment in our church. Every time you serve, every time you give, every time that you pray, it helps us create an environment so people can experience the life changing power of Jesus. Father, we thank you for all the lives that have been changed in our church and all of those who went public in their faith through water baptism and all of those even here today, Lord, who you're putting on their heart to go public in their faith, to tell the world that you've changed their life. God, I pray that you would bless them abundantly, help them grow in their faith and bless your people as they are faithful to give their tithe and give their offerings today. I pray that you would bless them abundantly in so many ways, God, in Jesus name we pray. Amen. Hello people's church, how are we doing today? Are you doing good? It's good to see you in God's house. Success starts on Sunday as we lift up the name of Jesus together and welcome to all

of our guests today. We're so glad to have you here on this hot August day in Oklahoma as we celebrate the goodness of God. And I tell you, it's a great day, but it's a sad day for me as well because this week me and my wife, we drove almost 19 hours to drop my daughter off back to her sophomore year of college in Lakeland, Florida. And so we, of course, you know, when you're going to Florida, you might as well stop and get you some Buc-ee's. So we stopped and got us some Buc-ee's in Alabama, got a little Buc-ee's stop. And then we got in on late Thursday night and then on Friday morning, I helped me and Tiffany move Karis into her dorm room. And you can see us going to work to get her all into her dorm room. And then you can see Karis in her dorm room. Her roommate hadn't showed up yet, but Karis was there and she told me, Daddy, I'm living my best life. I'm like, where you go, girl? I am too, but I wish you was home. Praise the Lord. It'd make even a better life, but she is thriving in college. And thank you for praying for my baby girl's sophomore year. And Tiffany gets home. Tomorrow, she stayed a couple of extra days. I flew back yesterday to get back for church today, but Tiffany will come home tomorrow. She's getting her all settled into the dorm room, but I appreciate your prayers as well for Indianapolis. We have a campus there and Indianapolis got hit hard with flooding. And so if you'll be praying for our Indy campuses, they help families out.

We're sending $2,500 first thing in the morning to Convoy Hope. They're already boots on the ground. One of our strategic partners and providing relief and food and ministering to people, but be praying, be praying for our world. I mean, I think about Indonesia and the earthquake that happened there and in Columbia. I mean, it's just craziness going on around the world and God's people need to be praying. Can I get a good amen? Well, we started a new series last Sunday titled Building Better Relationships. And in this series, we're learning some biblical tools to help us build better relationships in our marriage. In dating, we're gonna talk about dating in this series. In friendship and parenting, we're gonna talk about parenting in this series and even on how to navigate difficult relationships. Your relationships don't have to stay stuck. And my goal is for your relationships to get better throughout this series because when your relationships get better, your life gets better. It was in 1929, UC Berkeley football captain Roy Regals intercepted a fumble in the Rose Bowl. He got spun around and got confused and he ran the wrong way with the football. He ran 69 yards the wrong way

and one of his teammates chased him down and they tackled him just before he scored for the opposing team. The brother ran the wrong way with the football. And at some point in life, we all run the wrong way in life and in relationships. Sometimes we run the wrong way because life spins us around and we don't even realize that we're running the wrong way. Sometimes it's because everybody around us is running the wrong way so we run the same direction they're running. Sometimes we know that we're running the wrong way but the wrong way seems more appealing than going the right way. And today my prayer is that God's word tackles some of you because you're running the wrong way in your relationships and in your marriage. What you've been doing is, if you're honest some of you, what you've been doing is unwise and it's hurting your marriage, it's hurting your relationships and you need God's word to tackle you and to give you some wisdom so you can start running in the right direction. Biblical wisdom is what grows better marriages and better relationships. Just like a lack of wisdom tears down marriages and relationships.

Proverbs chapter 14 verse one says, Come on everybody shout wise. The wise woman builds her house but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down. Are you tearing down your home? Are you tearing down your marriage and your relationships because you're operating with foolishness instead of with godly wisdom? The scripture says in Proverbs chapter 24 in verse number three and four, by wisdom a house is built, a marriage is built, a relationship is built and through understanding it is established. Through knowledge it's rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. All of our relationships can keep getting better if we apply biblical wisdom. Today I want us to camp out in James chapter three. If you have your Bible, have a copy of God's word. We did turn it to James chapter three. I always love to see some people with a copy of God's word in God's house. James chapter three verse number 13 says, he begins with a question. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in humility that come from wisdom. Wise people show their wisdom in their relationships

and James explains what this wisdom practically looks like in verses 13 through 18. And today I'm going to emphasize marriage as we study these verses. But understand these principles will make any of your relationships better. If you will apply these principles, they will transform your relationships. So lean in, lean in, lean in, and let's get better at building relationships. Number one is this, growing marriages choose humility over pride. James says wise people show their wisdom by deeds done in humility. The first sign of a growing spouse and a growing marriage is humility. The opposite of humility is pride, and pride destroys relationships because pride keeps scores, it keeps score. Pride says I'm always right. Pride says I'm going to win every argument. Pride is always defensive. Pride constantly brings up the past so that they can win disagreements. Pride is running the wrong way and it will stop your marriage and your relationships from getting better. But wise people go the right way. They go the way of humility. Humble people seek peace.

They seek restoration. Humble people say, how did I contribute to this problem? Humble people are quick to listen, quick to apologize, and quick to forgive. The best marriages happen when two people are humble enough to keep growing. Number two, growing marriages reject envy and selfishness. James goes on to say in James chapter three and verse 14, but if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come down from heaven, but it's earthly, unspiritual, demonic of the devil. James warns us about two mindsets that are demonic. They destroy relationships from the inside out. Here they go, bitter envy and selfish ambition. Bitter envy is when one spouse becomes resentful instead of supportive. Instead of celebrating your spouse, you tear them down. Bitter envy ruins relationships because bitter envy turns partners into competitors. It turns conversations into competition. Bitter envy causes spouses to compete over who works harder, who sacrifices more, who gets more attention, who's more successful, who's right. Bitter envy makes it you versus your spouse instead of both of you versus the problem. And then what happens is bitter envy kills celebration. Wise and healthy marriages celebrate each other's victories but bitter envy couples don't celebrate one another.

They're irritated, insecure, and frustrated when their spouse gets promoted, gets recognized, gets complimented, gets blessed. Bitter envy is stopping some of you from celebrating and appreciating your spouse. You're so focused on what they don't have, you don't celebrate what they do have. So compliments, encouragement, and celebration have disappeared from your marriage. Your relationship is slowly drying up. You see, bitter envy produces emotional distance. Bitter envy and resentment, it only builds walls in our marriages. When envy goes unchecked, communication decreases, affection weakens, trust erodes, and emotional intimacy disappears. You will find yourself living in the same house under the same roof and yet you're strangers emotionally. And then James gives us a second one that's demonic. Selfish ambition will also ruin a marriage. Selfish ambition replaces servanthood with self-centeredness. Selfish ambition weakens your marriage because you're consumed with, what am I getting out of this relationship? What are you doing for me? It's about me and my happiness. And several years ago when Tiffany and I were in a bad place in our marriage, it was because of selfishness. Tiffany is so selfish.

I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding. I'm the selfish one. And there was a season in our marriage, I was so selfish and self-centered. It was hurting our marriage. I don't like admitting it, but I want to be transparent today because I know firsthand how selfish. Selfishness will tear down your marriage. Selfish ambition makes one spouse's needs more important than the other spouse's. It prioritizes my goal over your goal, my need over your needs, my wants over your wants, my comfort over your comfort, my happiness over your happiness. And when there's a major imbalance in your marriage, your spouse will feel unheard, neglected, and emotionally unsupported. And I know there were times that Tiffany felt that way in our marriage. And selfish ambition, it can create resentment. When one or both spouses constantly pursue their own agenda, resentment begins to take root. Your spouse starts to feel used, overlooked, emotionally abandoned, unvalued. And what happens is selfish ambition creates control and manipulation. See, it leads to always trying to control your spouse. You're always manipulating your spouse. Some of you, you're constantly gaslighting your spouse.

And selfish ambition, here's why it's so demonic, because selfish ambition pushes God out of the center. Jesus cannot be the center of your marriage if you're the center. A selfish heart will tear down a selfless covenant. When you try to out-selfish your spouse instead of to out-serve your spouse, you're running in the wrong direction and your marriage is being torn down. Number three is this, bitter envy and selfish ambition produce disorder and evil. Notice what James goes on to say in James 3, verse 16. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every evil practice. The word disorder carries the idea of instability, confusion, turmoil, chaos. Instead of safety and peace, your marriage becomes emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. A marriage is in trouble when it's full of disorder, chaos, and evil, because there's constant arguing. Every issue becomes a battle. Simple, small disagreements escalate into major problems. Every day is a fight. Every day is a disagreement. Every day there's tension. Every day is like a battle. And some of you are living in constant tension in your marriage, and it's not good, because it produces constant emotional instability.

Everything feels tense in the relationship. You feel like you're constantly walking on eggshells. Your spouse's emotions are unpredictable. There's fits of rage and fits of anger, yelling and screaming all the time, then the silent treatment, then passive-aggressive behavior, then emotionally shutting down. And your home environment always feels heavy and tense. Even your children feel the tension. And then what happens is communication becomes condescending. Your communication with your spouse turns into sarcasm, cutting words, manipulation, dishonesty, disrespect, verbal attacks. Instead of speaking to heal, you speak to hurt. Some of you, if you're honest, your tongue has become a weapon that's tearing down your spouse, tearing down your relationships. And then what happens, there's division. Disorder in every evil practice divides couples. And so instead of praying together, dreaming together, solving problems together, some of you are divided. Your marriage, your home is full of division. And then it leads to every evil practice. When you have bitter envy, selfish ambition, and disorder, and they're left unchecked,

it leads to emotional affairs, physical affairs, financial secrecy, addiction, spiritual drift, separation, and even to divorce. If there's bitter envy, if there's selfish ambition and disorder in your marriage, it's a huge warning sign. Some of you have sirens sounding off in your marriage. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. And the Word of God is tackling you today because you've been running. The wrong way. And today's the day to start running the right way. Number four is this, growing a better marriage requires applying godly wisdom. You will never have the marriage you want until you start investing into the marriage you have. You have to start investing godly wisdom into your marriage. And James tells us what godly wisdom looks like. In James chapter three, verse 17, he says, but the wisdom from above, the wisdom from God, is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. So James says godly wisdom is pure. James says first godly wisdom is pure. James is emphasizing that purity is the foundation to the rest of the godly wisdom. Pure means morally clean, sincere, morally honest, unmixed in motive, free from hidden corruption, undivided in devotion to God.

James is saying that before wisdom shows up in any of these other qualities, it must first have the foundation of a pure heart and pure motives. Purity is not just what you do, it's why you do it. Our marriages get better when our purity gets better. If you don't get your heart right, you'll never get your marriage right. Because godly wisdom is, first of all, pure. It's the foundation. So you and I need to be like David. And we need to ask God to give us a pure heart. Psalm 51, verse 10. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Because God, my heart can be deceptive and wicked. So create in me a pure heart. You need to pray, God, give me a pure heart. Give me mental purity, physical purity, financial purity, no hidden bank accounts and credit cards, emotional purity, sexual purity, relational purity. Pure hearts don't flirt with compromise. Pure hearts protect and guard your marriage from affairs. Pure hearts don't give people access that your spouse should only have. Pure hearts don't allow connections with others that weakens your marriage covenant. Some of you have the wrong friends in your life. They keep pushing you away from your spouse. Girl, you still married him?

My brother, you putting up with her still? Pure hearts don't entertain temptation. Pure hearts don't have hidden agendas. Pure hearts don't play emotional games. Pure hearts don't have hidden and secret resentment. Pure hearts don't have divided loyalties. Pure hearts don't manipulate. You can only get your marriage cleaned up when you get your heart cleaned up. Purity creates trust in your marriage because your spouse knows, my heart is safe with you. You got a pure heart. I know you're for me. I know you love me. I know you're committed to me. I know you're faithful to me. I know I have emotional safety with you. I know you're not deceiving me. Trust is the foundation of every healthy, thriving marriage and relationship. It's the foundation. Church, we must constantly pray. God, give me a pure heart. And then James says, godly wisdom is peaceable. Peaceable means you pursue harmony and unity in your marriage. Peace doesn't mean agreeing all the time or avoiding challenging conversations. You can have peace

and have a disagreement at the same time. The goal is not to agree about everything. The goal is unity. Peaceable is a heart posture that leads to wise decisions that create a peace-filled atmosphere in your marriage and in your home. To be peaceable means you put reconciliation over being right. Listening instead of reacting. Repentance over revenge. Grace over griping. Peace means you have the challenging conversations but you always make unity your goal. Some of you have so much tension in your marriage, you would not recognize peace if it walked in the front door and said, hello? And what you need is godly wisdom. because godly wisdom de-escalates arguments. It seeks reconciliation. It refuses to make disagreements a war. It apologizes quickly. It forgives constantly. And I realize some of you don't have peace in your marriage because trust has been broken. And the devil wants you to believe that trust can never be restored. And I believe God laid this on my heart to say this to you. I want you to know that God restores,

God rebuilds, God renews, and with the help of our all-powerful God, God can rebuild trust and peace in your marriage and in your home. Our God is able. Can I get a witness? He's able. Next, James says godly wisdom is gentle. Gentleness is often misunderstood as weakness. Biblical gentleness is not weakness. It's strength under control. Jesus had all authority, all power, and yet he described himself in Matthew 11 in verse 29 as gentle and humble in heart. He was strong, but gentle. Biblical wisdom is gentle instead of harsh. Harshness is uncontrolled strength. Harsh people have emotion without self-control. Gentleness says, let me understand you. Harshness says, let me put you in your place. Gentleness says, I'm here to help you. Harshness says, I'm here to win. Gentleness says, let's solve the problem together. Harshness says, you are the problem. Gentleness says, I'll respond. Harshness says, I'll react. Gentleness says, I value our relationship. Harshness says, I value being right. Gentleness says, I'll speak the truth with love. Harshness says, I'll speak whatever I feel,

whenever I want. Proverbs chapter 15, verse one. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh word stirs up anger. Gentleness will change the atmosphere of your marriage. If you want your marriage to get better, your gentleness needs to get better because all harshness does in your marriage and relationships is it builds walls. But gentleness will build a bridge in your relationship. Harshness is only hardening your spouse's heart, but gentleness opens their heart. Some of you have been running the wrong direction and God's word is tackling you today. Next, James describes godly wisdom as open to wisdom, open to, excuse me, open to reason. The NIV uses the word submissive. The New Living's translation, the New King James translation uses the word willing to yield to others. The Greek word here is very rich. The word means easily persuaded by truth, teachable, compliant to what is right, open to reason, willing to listen. So a wise spouse is willing to yield when their spouse is right. They're willing to change. They're willing to learn. They're willing to admit, I was wrong. Heavenly wisdom is teachable.

Heavenly wisdom says, I may have missed something here. Please help me understand your perspective. Heavenly wisdom is humble enough to listen, teachable enough to learn and secure enough to change. Are you running the wrong way and tearing down your marriage and relationships because you're not open to reason? Then James says, full of mercy. Notice James doesn't say wise people have mercy. He says they are full of mercy. Mercy isn't an occasional act for wise people. It's a consistent behavior. Heavenly wisdom overflows with mercy. Grace, grace, grace gives people what they don't deserve. Mercy doesn't give people what they do deserve. Mercy does not ignore sin, but it does respond with compassion instead of condemnation. Mercy is essential for a growing and thriving marriage. Because your spouse, let me say this, I want you to hear this, I want you to hear this, you cannot miss this, your spouse will disappoint you. They will hurt you. They will offend you. Not because they're evil, but because they're human. Somebody's thinking, no, pastor, you got my spouse wrong, it's evil. No, no. Marriage is two imperfect people building a life together. And some of your marriages will get better overnight if you start showing mercy to your spouse.

If you start giving them praise instead of punishment. If you start forgiving instead of holding on to unforgiveness. If you start being patient with their humanity instead of being impatient with all their flaws. Mercy says, I know you're still growing. I know you're carrying pressure. I know you're imperfect. And so am I. So when you're on my last nerve, and you'll get there, instead of giving you what you deserve, I got godly wisdom. I'm gonna give you mercy. It'll change your marriage. Then James is full of good fruits. Godly wisdom doesn't stay hidden. It shows up in your life. It shows up in your relationships. If I asked your spouse to describe the fruit they experienced from your life, what would they say? Would they say the fruit they're experiencing is patience and kindness and peace, encouragement, gentleness, mercy, faithfulness, love, kindness, or would they say, no, the fruit I'm experiencing is criticism, selfishness, impatient, anger, harshness, distance. Godly wisdom is full of good fruits. Some of you are running the wrong way. Then James says it's impartial.

The Greek word here means without partiality, without favoritism, without prejudice, without wavering. It's undivided in judgment. See, godly wisdom is impartial. It doesn't show favoritism. You say, well, pastor, what does this look like in a marriage? You don't show kindness to everyone else and then come home and be rude to your spouse. You don't give strangers your best attitude and give your spouse your leftover attitude. You don't respect people outside your home and then disrespect everyone inside your home. You treat your spouse with the same dignity that you show everyone else and even greater because you're in a marriage covenant before God. And then the last is sincere. Godly wisdom, sincere. The Greek word means without hypocrisy, without pretending, without wearing a mask, genuine, authentic, not two-faced. James ends the list by letting us know godly wisdom is not fake. It's not a performance. It's not image management. Don't spend all your energy trying to maintain a good image in public or on social media while your marriage is falling apart. That's not authentic. That's not sincere.

It does not help your marriage when you're one person at church and another person at home. Some of you are faking love publicly while living in misery privately. And what your marriage needs is sincerity. You need to be real about where your marriage is. You need to be real and just admit our constant fighting is a big deal. It's not good. Our lack of intimacy and romance and sex, it's a big deal, it's not good. Our lack of communication is a big deal. It's not good. Our lack of unity and division, it's not good. Be sincere with one another about where your marriage really is. And be sincere with a trusted godly friend. This is why small groups are so important. You got to get the wrong people out your life, but you need some godly friends that will help you fight for your marriage and fight for your family. And I want to encourage some of you, some of you married couples, would you lead a small group? Maybe you're newly married or you've been married for years. You have something to offer couples that are engaged, that are married.

Would you lead a small group and help other couples? Build healthy relationships. We need you. We need you leading couples and helping them grow in their marriage and their faith. Some of you singles need to lead a single small group and help other singles along with yourself prepare for your future marriage, help you navigate relationships. I want to encourage, lead a group. People need you. They need what you have. Would you go to the People's Church app, click on small group leader, find one of the trainings and go to a small group leader training and help people grow in their faith. And let me say to our men, men, get to men's night next Sunday night. Men, please hear me. We need each other. Men like to isolate. You have a women's night, woo, all the women come, have a men's night. No, I don't think I'm coming tonight, Pastor. No, no, we need each other, brothers. Come get you some free sliders, some free food. We'll have competition. And God's laid a word on my heart, men.

We're going to fight for our marriage and fight for our purity and fight for our family and fight for our children. Men, we need each other. We need each other. Pastor, why are you so passionate about this? Because breakthrough happened in my own marriage. When I got sincere and I got real with some people about where I was, I invited godly people to speak into my life and my marriage. My life and marriage today is thriving, changed by inviting the right godly people into my life. You need some people to help you in life. Get some godly people, get spiritual community, get in a group. You need people to help you win in life. Father, thanks for your word. Thanks for speaking to us today. Lord, you're ministering to couples right now, to families, to people's hearts. I realize there's some brokenness, there's some broken homes and broken marriages and lives that are hurting today. Would you speak? Would you minister by your Holy Spirit? Would you touch people's hearts today? Father, would you bring healing right now?

Would you bring restoration where a marriage is on the rocks, but because of your power and your grace and your love, would you step in? Would you heal today, I pray? Have your way. You are the God of miracles. Have your way. In Jesus' name. His eyes are still closed and heads are bowed. I'm talking to some people that are running the wrong way. In life, you're running away from God, you're running the wrong way, you're running the wrong direction and today's your day to give your life to Jesus, to start running the right way. Some of you used to be running the right way with God, but you're running the wrong way now. And today's your day to recommit your life to God and say, God, I'm gonna start running the right way after you. If that's you today, you've been running the wrong way, but you wanna start running the right way and give your life to Jesus. As I count to three, would you shoot your hand high in the air? I wanna lead you in a prayer to say yes to God. One, two, three. Just shoot it up high. Say, Pastor, that's me. I see your hand, I see your hand there,

see your hand there. I see several hands going up. See your hand there. Come on, just lift up high. Say, Pastor, that's me, that's me. I've been running the wrong way. See your hand there. I'm gonna ask all the hands that are lifted all around this building to pray this prayer with me. Confess it with your mouth, believe it in your heart, and God's gonna wash away your sins. Pray with me now. Heavenly Father, I turn from my sin and I run to Jesus today. And I give Jesus my heart and my life. I confess Jesus is my Lord and my Savior. And I'm running hard after Jesus. In Jesus' name I pray, amen and amen. Come on, somebody give God praise. Come on, you can do better than that. Give God some praise today. Praise the Lord. If you're a guest with us looking for a home church, I hope you don't need to look any further. You are among some of the kindest and most loving people in all of Oklahoma. Give us a year of your life. Really get plugged in and watch what God will do in and through your life. Would you stand with me, church family?

We're family here at People's Church. Come on, would you shout it with me on the count of three? One, two, three, we're family. God bless you, church. ♪ I still believe you're moving ♪ ♪ I still believe you're speaking ♪