Dealing with Difficult People | Scotty Gibbons

- Jesus came, so lost people could be saved. This church is not a cruise ship. We'll be laid by the pool. This is a battleship. And for 23 years, we've been on mission for Jesus. For 23 years, we've been worshiping Jesus, preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ, reaching lost people, baptizing people, helping people know God and growing God. Discover purpose and make a difference. We've been on the mission of Jesus. For one reason, to see more changed lives. ♪ Welcome to people's church, everyone ♪ ♪ And I'd like to invite you to stand near me ♪ ♪ How many grateful for the Lord has done in your life ♪ ♪ Come on, we can put your hands together ♪ ♪ Let's celebrate today ♪ ♪ Come on ♪ ♪ One drink into the night ♪ ♪ One take a place to hide this weary stroke ♪ ♪ This bag of rollers ♪ ♪ And I'll try with all my might ♪ ♪ But I just can't win the fight ♪ ♪ I'm slowly drifting ♪ ♪ A bag of arms ♪ ♪ And just when I ran out of the road ♪ ♪ I met a man out in the door ♪ ♪ And he told me that I was gonna go ♪ ♪ You live here, turn me around ♪ ♪ The pace must be yours, I'll cry ♪

♪ I'll make a master, I'll make a savior ♪ ♪ Because you feel my heart ♪ ♪ And you change my name forever and free ♪ ♪ I'm not the same, I'll make a master ♪ ♪ I'll make a savior, I'll make a god ♪ ♪ Come on, put those hands together, turn me around ♪ ♪ I cannot deny what I see ♪ ♪ Got no choice but to believe my doubts are burning ♪ ♪ Like I said, no ♪ ♪ So long 'til my old friend ♪ ♪ I'm burning a bit of death ♪ ♪ You can't just keep on moving ♪ ♪ Aren't you welcome here ♪ ♪ Come on, let's lift this up ♪ ♪ From down to the hour, the streets are low ♪ ♪ I say how you say my know ♪ ♪ This way would shut, it's found ♪ ♪ It's way back home ♪ ♪ You can't be up, turn me around ♪ ♪ You can't just keep on moving ♪ ♪ I'll make a master, I'll make a savior ♪ ♪ Because you feel my heart ♪ ♪ You change my name forever and free ♪ ♪ I'm not the same, I'll make a master ♪ ♪ I'll make a savior, I'll make a savior ♪ ♪ Yeah, I'll make a savior ♪ ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ But we face it, thank God ♪ ♪ There's no one like your Jesus ♪ ♪ Come on, sing it out ♪

♪ And hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ I am free, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ I am free, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I am free, oh, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ I am free, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ I am free, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ I am free, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I am free, I am free ♪ ♪ Hell, I'm another one, I am free ♪ ♪ I am free ♪ ♪ You pick me up, you turn me around ♪ ♪ You place from me all the time ♪ # Because you heal my heart, you change my name # # Forever free, I'm not the same # # I make a master, I make a Savior # # I make mine # # Yeah # # Oh, we thank you, Jesus # # There's no one like you, God # # Oh, there's no one like you # # So we give you all the glory # # We thank you, Jesus # # For the hope that we have # # In you, Jesus #

# Days may be dark, yes # # But your light is greater # # You light our way, God # # You light our way # # Jesus, Jesus, Jesus # # When evil is rising # # You're rising higher # # With power to say, with power to say # # You keep hope alive # # You keep hope alive # # From love beginning to end # # Your word never fails # # You keep hope alive # # Because you are alive # # Jesus, you are alive # # Death has a strong hope # # When you're like a stronger # # Rose from the grave # # Rose up from the grave # # Again # # When evil is rising # # You're rising higher # # With power to say # # With power to say # # Rose up # # You keep hope alive # # You keep hope alive # # From love beginning to end # # Your word never fails # # You keep hope alive #

# Because you are alive # # Jesus, you are alive # # Let's hope in the morning hope # # In the evening hope # # That's your living hope # # Because you're breathing hope # # In the breaking hope # # In the sorrow # # For this moment my hope # # For tomorrow # # In the morning hope # # In the evening hope # # Because you're breathing hope # # Because you're breathing # # Death has formed # # In the breaking hope # # In the sorrow # # For this moment my hope # # For tomorrow # # You keep hope alive # # You keep hope alive # # From love beginning to end # # Your word never fails # # You keep hope alive # # Because you are alive # # Jesus, you are alive # # You keep hope alive # # You keep hope alive # # From love beginning to end # # Your word never fails #

# You keep hope alive # # Because you are alive # # Jesus, you are alive # # You keep hope alive # # You keep hope alive # # From the beginning to end # # Your word never fails # # You keep hope alive # # Because you are alive # # Jesus, you are alive # I'd like to invite our prayer team to come forward at this time. We're a church that believes in the power of prayer. And if you have a need, no matter how big or how small that need is, it matters to God. To be like prayer today, all you have to do is step out of your seat, come forward. Let's believe God for a miracle in your life as we see the Lord in prayer today. I love you, Lord. Oh, your mercy never fails me on my day. I've been healthy, your hand, and from the moment I'm still alive. ♪ Until I lay my hand ♪ ♪ How we will sing ♪ ♪ Of the goodness of God ♪ I mean, you know he's good today. Let's sing this out. ♪ All my life you have been faithful ♪ ♪ All my life you have been so, so good ♪ ♪ With every breath that I am able ♪ ♪ I will sing of the goodness of God ♪ ♪ I love your voice ♪ ♪ You have led me to the fire ♪

♪ In darkest times ♪ ♪ You are close like no other ♪ ♪ Oh, I've known you as a father ♪ ♪ I've known you as a friend ♪ ♪ And I have been in the goodness of God ♪ ♪ Come on, let's sing this out together ♪ ♪ Say, "Oh, my life, oh my life you have been faithful." ♪ ♪ Yes, you have, oh my life you have been so, so good ♪ ♪ So good ♪ ♪ With every breath that I am able ♪ ♪ I will sing of the goodness of God ♪ ♪ Yes, I'll sing with your goodness ♪ ♪ Oh, I love you, yeah ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running out ♪ ♪ It's running out to me ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running out ♪ ♪ It's running out to me ♪ ♪ With my life laid down, I'm surrendering now ♪ ♪ I'll give you everything ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running out ♪ ♪ It's running out to me, yeah ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running out ♪ ♪ It's running out to me ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running out ♪ ♪ It's running out to me ♪ ♪ With my life laid down, I'm surrendering now ♪ ♪ I'll give you everything ♪ ♪ Your goodness is running out ♪ ♪ It's running out to me ♪ ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Oh, my life, you have been faithful ♪ ♪ Oh, my life, you have been so, so good ♪ ♪ Every breath that I have been able ♪ ♪ I will sing, oh, goodness ♪ ♪ I will sing, oh, my life, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, my life, you have been faithful, yeah ♪ ♪ Oh, my life, you have been so, so good ♪ ♪ Every breath that I have been able ♪ ♪ I will sing, oh, the goodness, oh, my life, yeah ♪ ♪ I will sing, oh, the goodness, oh, my life ♪ Oh, we thank you, Jesus. There's no one like you, God. There's no one like you, God. Yeah. ♪ Oh, my life, you have been so, so good ♪ ♪ Oh, my life, you have been so, so good ♪ ♪ When did I start to forget ♪ ♪ All of the great things you did ♪ ♪ When did I throw away a thing for the impossible ♪ ♪ How did I start to believe ♪ ♪ You weren't sufficient for me ♪ ♪ Why do I talk myself out ♪ ♪ Don't see me in the cold ♪ ♪ When I know all of the great things ♪ (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language)

(singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) ♪ From one in the ages ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny ♪ ♪ What the Lord is to ♪ ♪ Can you imagine ♪ ♪ With all of the faith in the room ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ It's gonna happen ♪ ♪ Just sit the way back and through ♪ ♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ Can you imagine ♪ ♪ With all of the faith in the room ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ It's gonna happen ♪ ♪ Just sit the way back and through ♪

♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ Can you imagine ♪ ♪ With all of the faith in the room ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ It's gonna happen ♪ ♪ Just sit the way back and through ♪ ♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ It's gonna move ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ Anything ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Who am I to believe ♪ ♪ It's possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Anything is possible ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny ♪ ♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ Who am I to deny ♪

♪ What the Lord can do ♪ ♪ We honor you, Lord, your mighty God ♪ ♪ But nothing is too difficult for you ♪ Lord, we thank You today, Father, that You are here in our midst because Your Word reminds us where two or more gathered You're there. And Father, we know that in Your presence, Father, miracles can happen. So God, would You move in our lives today? Change us, bring miracles where miracles are needed today. Lord, we pray in Jesus' mighty name, Amen. And Amen, come on, give God praise one more time. (congregation applauding) Amen, Amen. Well, church family, before you're seated, I want you to find a few people around you, learn a few names, shake a few hands. Let's take a moment to connect. (upbeat music) ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ - All right, well, welcome to People's Church, everybody. Hey, my name is Rob Champion. I am the campus pastor here at the Oklahoma City Campus. Whether you're joining us online or in the house today, we are family, we're so glad that you're joining us today. I do want to take a moment just to welcome all of our first time guests. Come on, People's Church family.

Show 'em some love today. Welcome to People's Church. We're so glad to have you today. Well, today we want to pray over all of our educators here and in our community. But before I do that, I want to just take a moment just to honor all of our educators. Educators, you work tirelessly to educate, to encourage, to guide, and to care for our kids. And the impact that you're making goes far beyond the classroom. And we just want you to know that we see you. We appreciate you. We love you and thank you for the investment that you're making into our kids' lives. And so before we pray, I'm gonna ask for all the educators in the room. Would you just stand to your feet and just remain standing? Come on, all the educators, stand up to your feet. Yup. Oh, come on church, we can do better than that. Can we honor these men and women today? We honor you teachers, educators. Thank you for what you do. Just remain standing. I want to pray over you right now in our service. Father God, we thank you for every educator in this room. Lord, we pray for them today. We pray that Lord, you would bless them, that you would help them Lord in this school year

as they lead our children. Give them wisdom and insight. Father, into every area. Father, I pray that you would give them strength as they face the challenges and the issues that they're dealing with on a day-to-day basis. Help them, Lord, as they're loving kids, as they're helping to pour into that next generation. God, I pray that you would be their strength, that you would be their support, that Father, they would know that they're not alone. I pray that you give them wisdom. I pray that you bless them, Lord, in every circumstance and their relationships and their finances, Lord. And every facet of their life may the hand of God and the blessing of God be upon their life. Bless them this year. As they pour out into the next generation, I pray that you fill them up with refreshing, and that they would walk in the peace of God that passes all understanding. Bless our educators today. We pray in Jesus' mighty name. Amen. Amen, come on, would you put your hands together one more time for all of our educators? We honor you today. For church family, we have, Pastor Herbert has an exciting update to share with you.

So check out this video. People's Church, it's unbelievable what is happening at our new Edmund Building. We are building our Edmund Campus, a permanent home to see more changed lives. 90% of the interior walls and door frames are installed. Overhead HVAC ductwork has been installed 90% of interior electrical, IT, plumbing, and wall rough-in. It's complete, structural, and backing for entry canopies. An exterior signage is being installed. Exterior waterproofing, brick, and ethos is being installed. I'm so fired up. But what fires me up is not watching the Efist go up. It's not watching the walls go up. What fires me up is thinking about the thousands of people that will invade this campus in a matter of months and their life will be changed. I just see it, kids, teenagers, moms, dads, grandpa's, grandma's, coming to faith in Christ. Their life being changed, growing in their faith because you and I had a vision, not just for today, but for those who are not yet here tomorrow. Thank you for tithing. Thank you for giving above your time to the more campaign. It's always been, and it will always be about more changed lives. Yeah, what an exciting time church. You know, it's an exciting time in our church. You know, people's church is 20. We want to make more room so that we can reach more people,

so that we can see more changed lives. And church, as you give your tithe and give to the more campaign, I want you to know that you're planting seed into good soil, and that you will reap a harvest of blessing in your own life, in addition to the harvest of souls that we'll see. Church, what a privilege we have to give and to see more changed lives. Father, we thank you, Lord, for what you're doing. And the progress that's been made on the building. Lord, help us to get into this building quickly so that we can reach more people and share the love of Jesus with our community. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. [MUSIC] [MUSIC] [MUSIC] Hello, church family. You're glad to be in God's house today. Come on, thank the Lord for your church. So you love our church. Want to welcome everybody who's watching online or joining via one of our campuses. This is a great, great Sunday and on behalf of Pastor Herbert Tiffany. I just want to add my welcome and gratitude and appreciation for all of the educators who are with us. I hope that you feel loved and supported because we really do pray for you. We care about you and we hope that this school year is an incredible one for you. We really do think that you're a game changer. You're a difference maker and so we're just grateful for you. I know you already applauded once. Can you thank the Lord one more time for all the educators? Come on, put your hands together. Come on, you're ready for God's word.

You're ready for the Lord to speak to you today. As I mentioned, we're in our final week here and I hope that you have found it helpful today we're hitting this specific topic on how to be better at handling conflict. How to be better at handling conflict because we live in a world that without relationships there is no real life like God's plan is that we be relational beings. He's a relational God and yet because we're all people, we're all broken, we have relationships with issues. As a matter of fact, if you knew how many issues the person you received the next two right now had you would get up and move. It might just frighten you to know all that they're doing. If you're married, you got relational conflict. Don't say, man, just look straight ahead. But if you're married, you got relational conflict. If you got a roommate, you got relational conflict. If you go to school, you got relational conflicts, if you're a parent, you've got relational conflict. If you're breathing, you've got relational conflict, this is so important. Some of you on the way to church today, relational conflict, you're like, how did he know? He goes, listen, I just know anytime you're trying to get to the house of God, it just feels like the devil jumps in the car with you. Have you noticed that? Some of you are like, yes, she did. I'm not talking about your spouse, I'm not the devil trying to jump in there with you. No matter who you are, relational conflict, most of you would know the name of the great avengers Billy Graham. One time an interviewer was asking his wife Ruth Graham, like, man, you're such a god in a couple, wonderful couple, but every couple has their issues. Have you ever in your life considered divorcing Billy Graham? She paused for a minute and she said, divorce, no, murder, yes. People are just people.

We're all broken, we all have issues, we all are going through stuff. And the reality is that we've got to look to the Word of God for how to handle it because some of you did not have healthy models for how to handle difficulty or conflict. Some of you are newer to faith, you've just recently started walking with God. You didn't even know that the Bible spoke to not only relationships, but how to handle difficult relationships, but it does. That's why you've got to be people of the Word. That's why you've got to study the Bible. Listen, daily getting into God's Word is not a luxury, it's a necessity. That's why you've got to be faithful to the house of God where the Word of God is preached, broken down, so you can learn what does the Bible have to say. And so today, that's what we're going to do. And I know for me in my own personal study, when I'm trying to study the Word of God, I like looking at different translations in the Bible and saying, how does this communicate this truth? And one of the ones that I think really brings it to life from time to time and helps some verses really, for me to get my mind around it, would be the message translation, which if you've heard of the message, it's not what would be referred to as a literal translation, but like a lot of our popular translations would be. It's more of a paraphrase that would capture and communicate the true intent of that verse in a very practical and understandable, relatable kind of a way. I love how the message captures James chapter three, verse 18. Let's look at it together, James chapter three, verse 18.

If you're ready to say, uh-huh. Come on, if you mean to say, oh yeah. It says real wisdom, God's wisdom begins with a holy life and is characterized, look at this, is characterized by getting along with others, isn't that interesting? It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not too faced, you can develop, you can develop, you can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results. Now here's the key word, if you're looking at a paper bible, hard copy, you might underline this, only, somebody say only, only here's the key, if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, it's hard work. Treating each other with dignity and honor. Relationships are hard work, people can get on your nerves. Some people just seem to want to stir up conflict. You ever know anybody in your life that if there's not drama, they're gonna create some? You know anybody like, if they're in the room, go ahead and point, no, don't you point at them, I'm just joking, don't do that. Matter of fact, I'm gonna ask you for the next few minutes, I don't think of somebody else, see if maybe just maybe God, possibly, may just want to talk to you today. I want to help you in this thought of how to grow in handling conflict. Six steps on how to have better conflict.

Number one, if you take your notes right down, number one is this, realize you can't be right with God when you're wrong with your brother. You cannot be right with God when you're wrong with your brother. First John chapter four, verse 19. We love because he, meaning God first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar, can somebody say, ouch. For whoever does not love their brother and sister whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command. Now when a scripture says he's given us this command, is that a suggestion? Is that just a thought? And he's given us this command. Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. That is some strong verbiage right there. God isn't holding back. He is not missing words. He is making it plain. You cannot be right with God and wrong with your brother. And here's why this is so important. As a pastor, I've watched people come into church, lift their hands, worship God, meet them in the lobby, like bless the Lord, praise the Lord, good morning pastor and be mean as dirt to their husband, wife, son or daughter. Custom like a dog. Talk about how much they love Jesus.

You can't be right with God and wrong with your brother. Man, did you know that the Bible says that if you aren't handling conflict honorably, biblically with your wife, did you know that if you're not handling that the way it should, it's actually hindering your prayers. So many are like, I wonder why God won't answer these prayers. And it can come down to how you're handling conflict with your wife. First Peter chapter three, verse seven, the Bible says, treat her as you should. So your prayers will not be hindered. Come on, somebody say all of them. Your pride can hinder your prayers. Your stubbornness can hinder your prayers. Your anger over something someone did to you a long time ago that's led to bitterness and unforgiveness can hinder your prayers. Part of being right with God includes being right with others. If there are issues between you and a family member, God is less concerned about you lifting up your hands and singing worship songs than He is about you working things out with that person. You're like, is that in the Bible? I'm so glad you asked. Yes, it is. Let me show you where that is in Matthew chapter 5. It says in verse 23, therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar, that's worship. If you're offering your gift at the altar and you there,

remember that your brother or sister has something against you. Look at what scripture says. Leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them. Then come and offer your gift. Why? Because you can't be right with God and wrong with your brother. Scripture is saying before you come to worship the Lord, first, go and make it right with your brother. How you handle conflict and your relationship with others will impact your relationship with God. Point number two, write this one down. Secondly, remember, things are always more spiritual than they seem. Things are always more spiritual than they seem. I almost did not include this. I didn't even have it planned to include this in my notes in my preaching for today. And the other day when I was working on this talk, thinking through this time together, this came to my heart and my mind. And I honestly believe that this is a specific word for somebody today, that this is what it comes down to. Is that things are more spiritual than you realize. And so you're caught up in a conflict with a family member or with a friend or a co-worker or whomever. And you can't get your mind around it. You're frustrated. You're angry.

You can't seem to work it out. But what you don't realize is because this is not an earthly issue. This is spiritual. Ephesians 6 verse 12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm." Some of you just need to step back and realize my marriage is under attack. You cannot argue that out. You cannot reason it out, because some of y'all are going, this is not even make sense. It's because it's spiritual. You can't argue it out. You can't reason it out, but you can pray it through. Your breakthrough is on the other side of your fighting, a spiritual fight, instead of a physical fight. So we'll receive that today. Thirdly, point number three. Work on your part over getting practical now. Work on your part before you try to fix theirs. Tell your neighbor right now. I'll start with you. I'll start with you. Start with you. Work on your part before you try and fix theirs, but I know what y'all are saying. But pastor, I'm not the problem.

She is to her love, but you don't understand. I'm not the issue. He is, isn't it funny how we all think that? Isn't it true? I'm just going to be gut level honest with y'all right now. This is shooting straight. I'm not making this up. I'm being honest with you. Like, I really mean this. I do not believe. I'm not so full of pride. I do not believe that I'm always right. I know that I'm not always right. But 99% of the time, y'all. I mean, I think that's where I hang out. I'm pretty close. You say, how could you say that? Because you think that too. We all do. If I didn't think I was right, I wouldn't be thinking what I'm thinking. Can I get an amen right there? But you better listen to Proverbs chapter 21 verse 2. It says, all amends ways. Somebody say all of them. All amends ways seem right in his own eyes. That is true, true, true. But if we're going to grow in our what with God, if we're going to be more spiritually mature in our faith, if we're going to be better at handling conflict,

we've got to have enough spiritual depth to know that the way we see it is not always the way it truly is. It's just the way you see it is your perspective, but that does not mean that it's right. Listen to this verse in chapter 21. Now, if we were to pause right there, some of you would answer by filling in the blank with a name. That's what y'all would do. What causes fights and quarrels among you, Fred? [laughter] So, y'all would answer that question with a name. Somebody at your work, you'd be like, "Her." You'd fill in your, but listen what James says, "What causes the fights and quarrels among you?" Look at what he says, "Ooh, it's just convicting." "Don't they come from your desires, that battle within you?" Ooh, that hurts. This is a hard truth to swallow. And I'm not saying that every conflict you're going through, the totality of the issue, whatever it is that's causing heaviness in your heart, I'm not trying to make you feel like you are all to blame for this scenario. I'm not saying that, but what Scripture is teaching us in this will help you if you will hear it, that when dealing with conflict, our first step is always to recognize what is it that's going on inside of me? Like, how can I start with where I am? If we can start with apologizing for whatever part I can own, start with the part that you played in the conflict.

Even if it's 0.0000000001%, start there. Just start there. Now, some of y'all are going to take this truth and you're going to try and apply it. So I've got to say this next part because I heard the preacher "Hey, I wanted to go over this. I just want to own my part. I wanted to talk with you. I just want to acknowledge the fact that I've made a mistake and I wanted to apologize. I never should have expected you to act like a normal rational human being and that's on me. That's my bad. Because some of y'all were going to try and be biblical. You're just going to go home and be biblical. No, that's not what I'm talking about. That's not humility. You're going to make it worse. Find out what part you can truly own. Own it and start there. Here's a fourth thing. Number four, discover and value the other person's perspective. I'm just trying to give you some practical truth. I know some of y'all are carrying some stuff in your home with a son, with a daughter, with a friend, distant relative, whatever. There's some relational conflict there, but relationships matter. I don't want you to stay stuck. I don't want you to be hopeless. I don't want you to write it off. But we have to say, what does the Bible say?

What does it teach us? Here's what the Bible teaches us. Get my eyes off of me. Care about the other person. Listen to Romans chapter 15 verse 2. We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of those that are weak and not to always try and please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbor for their good to build them up. Do you see what you're saying? Get your eyes off of you. Care about them. Care about what they're carrying. Care about what they're going through. Care about what they're feeling. Verse 7, accept one another then. Just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God. Listen, you want to honor God? Honor the other person. You want to love God the way that you should? Then love others the way he said. You want to say, I want to please the Lord and be thinking about the other person. And that's hard at times because we're all so different. We come from different backgrounds. We have different upbringings. We have different personalities. We see life differently. Anybody else get married and think, I don't know if there's a more different person on the planet.

Anybody ever had that experience? I just thought, man, it was so normal when we were dating. What has happened? Our communication, our ability to understand. But listen, when you take those differences, combined with our sin nature, sparks are going to fly. But if we're going to grow in the Lord, if I'm going to be better at handling conflict, we have to learn to value and respect other people's perspective. I cannot get stuck on how I see it. So maybe today you're so committed to your perspective. There can't be resolution because you can't even begin to empathize where they're even coming from. And you're convinced it's all on you. Hear this today. Valuing another person doesn't mean you agree. It simply shows that you value them. Do you receive that word today? 'Cause I'm not saying you gotta admit, okay, yeah, what you're saying is exactly right. That's the only way I can show you love. No, you can honor somebody just by valuing their perspective, even if you're not saying you agree with their perspective. That's good, Pastor Scottie. That's a good word right there. You're preaching truth. That was hard for me to hear, but I needed to hear God's help. You may not amen me. I'm gonna keep amen myself up here.

I needed that. You can value them, even if you don't agree, with their perspective. I'll share with you an insight that I got when we had gone to counseling for marital counseling for my wife, Casey, and we had gone to counseling. And I remember when the counselor looked at me and he said, you are not good at being a good listener. And I thought, my brother, that's not why I'm paying you right now. I did not schedule this appointment and bring my checkbook so that you get, we all know what the real issue is and I need you to help. (congregation laughing) I need you to fix this. Now, you see what you're talking about. But here's what he was teaching me. See, I thought listening meant I didn't interrupt, which I thought that was good 'cause that was a lot of self-control 'cause I had a thing or two that could have helped her if she'd have just listened to me. (congregation laughing) But I thought I was being a good listener 'cause I was gonna be like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Now go ahead and finish 'cause I'm about to help you. I thought that was listening. But what he taught me is he said, there's almost always an emotion that's going on under the issue.

Try to discover the emotion that's driving the conversation. There's almost always an emotion beneath the service. That's influencing how they're seeing something and how they're communicating something. And if you can understand what they're feeling, you would have a better shot at understanding what they're meaning. Here's another way to say that might help you. Find the fields before you debate the facts. That was worth some of y'all getting up, getting dressed and coming to church so that you should write it down. Find the fields before debating the facts. We have to be better at listening. Don't jump to conclusions. Don't assign motive. Don't assume you already know what's in their mind. You already know what they're going to say. Don't do that. It takes courage. James 1-9 says, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this. Everyone should be." What does it say? "Quick to listen. Slow to speak and slow to become angry." James is saying, "Tune in. Tone down. Lean in. Listen up."

Because to really listen and understand, you better be more focused on connecting than correcting. That's hard for our sin nature. We just want to fix it. And where I'm starting from my vantage point, that's the right way, but that's not how to honor God and honor others. Listen, I mean this sincerely. I'm convinced that you and I would be shocked about how much of the conflict we're experiencing in relationships would actually go away if we would simply take the time to try and understand where the other person is coming from. Practice it and see if God might just use it. Number five, speak the truth in love. Speak the truth in love. Too many people are way too careless with their words. It's like the one couple. The man looked at her and he said, "You know what I can't understand is how God made you so beautiful and so stupid at the same time." She looked back at him and she said, "That's easy. He made me beautiful, so you'd be attracted to me and he made me stupid, so I'd be attracted to you." (congregation laughing and clapping) You better be careful with your words. If he's in chapter four, verse 15, instead speaking the truth in love, what will happen, we will grow to become in every respect,

the mature body of him who is the head, that is Christ. If you wanna grow in God, you've gotta grow in the way you love others. There will no doubt be times that you'll have to work through issues. That's a given. That's in every respect. But the Bible is teaching us that how you go about it is very very important You've heard it said before it's not just what you say, but it's how you say it This is a word for somebody right here. This is a word. All right be ready for this some of this is This one is for you right because somebody like you hadn't helped me at all. That's because I've been safe in this one right here for you Here it is because some of y'all love speaking the truth. I Call it like it is I Don't beat around the bush I'm a street. You know anybody like that. I'm a straight shooter. No, you're mean you need people skills. That's what you need you need people skills God can help you if you let him You got to grow in it if you really want to be strong and God It's not just a matter of you could come out like a gun slinger slinging truth The issue is can you be honoring? Can you be loving? Can you be kind and can you be carrying while you speak the truth in love? Gotta be careful with our words Proverbs 12 18 says the words of the reckless pierced like swords But the tongue of the wise brings healing to your words bring healing Just think about that when you're talking to your kids you're having to address an issue No doubt it's going to happen in parenting But when you're confronting when you're parenting when you're dealing with that Do you find that they just start feeling at peace? Do you find that they just start receiving it? Do you find that they start feeling healed? Do you find that they start feeling safe, or do you feel like the animosity? Do you feel like the the walls are coming up? Could it be that it's not a matter of you're addressing something that's bad. It's just how you're going about it

In that conversation with that friend with that family member that keeps getting escalated I'm not saying that you aren't addressing an issue I'm just saying are you going about it in the right kind of a way don't attack When you're offensive people naturally become defensive Don't attack And yet at the same time, I'm not saying become passive don't become passive I'm not saying you just got to avoid it. Sometimes you got to address the issue, but you can address the issue without attacking the person Some people get violent some people get silent both are unhealthy You can work through stuff. It just doesn't have to be personal If he's he's for twenty nine Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up According to their needs that it may actually look at this that it may actually benefit Those who listening or listening. Why are you saying what you're saying are you trying to prove a point or make a difference? Are you trying to be right? Are you trying to honor relationship? Speak the truth. No doubt Speak it in love. Let me give you this six in this final pieces. This number six control what you can control This points heavy on my heart because I know that there are people Listening to this message today and the relational conflict that you're walking through is so real. It's overwhelming There's so much strain on the relationship Maybe even in some cases. There's now it feels like there's there's there's a brokenness of fellowship or so much space And you're like how am I supposed to handle that? Well, I want to pull back I want to reach back to something that I stayed it earlier in the talk and I just want to add a scripture and a thought to it But controlling what you can control means you focus on you without trying to fix them Because you realize your job is not to fix them. You can't You got to control what you can control. Let me give you the verse. I wanted to reference Romans 12 18 Look at him It says if somebody say if If it is possible, you know what that teaches us it's not always possible

You got to control what you can control if It is possible look at this next part as far as it depends on you. What does that mean? There are two people in this issue You can't control the other person, but you can come you can control you If it is possible as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone You can't control their next move, but you can control your next move. You aren't responsible for their words, but you are responsible for your words. Control what you can control. You can't control their attitude. But how many of you know you can control your attitude? Control what you can control. Don't try to play the Holy Spirit in somebody else's life. Listen, you have a hard enough time being you. Don't try to be the Holy Spirit. Don't try to fix them and only makes it worse. Nor am I saying in order to honor God that you have to stay stuck in a toxic relationship that's impacting you negatively. Sometimes you're in a situation to where it is unsafe. And you do need to get out. A lot of times on a talk like this will have married people who come and talk to us. And they'll give us scenarios that are heartbreaking and they say, "How do we handle it here in our marriage? Does God want me to say, "I've got to stay in this." And here's what I want you to hear today, if you find yourself in that situation,

is that divorce is not the plan of God. It's not His plan. And yet I know without a doubt throughout our entire church family there are so many people that divorce has been a part of your story. Always know this when it comes to your walk with God's shame and guilt are never a part of your relationship with God. That's not God's heart. That's the enemy. So if you've suffered through a divorce in the past, perhaps it was even because of your choices and decisions. Maybe it wasn't a part of that. Regardless, you cannot do anything to change yesterday. I'm thankful for the grace of God, the mercy of God. Come on, aren't you thankful for the love of God that gives us fresh starts, clean slates, and brand new beginnings? I'm so thankful for that. But we have a responsibility to save moving forward. Divorce is not a part of God's plan. However, Scripture does give biblical exceptions, adultery, abandonment, or abuse to where it is appropriate to get a divorce. So there are exceptions, but I'm just trying to be super pastoral right now and super clear to you. Just because you have biblical grounds for divorce doesn't even mean that it's necessarily the best thing for you to do. You say, "Well, how do I know?" That's where you seek Godly counsel. I would plead with you if you're not in a small group and get in a small group. We're about to launch groups, brotherhood, sisterhood, get into it.

As a married couple, get into a group together. You need Godly voices in your life. Some of you are in a situation to where you feel unsafe, or there has been, miracle unfaithfulness, and you say, "How should I be navigating this?" Talk to your campus pastor and just say, "I need some Godly wisdom." That's the beauty of the family of God, is that you don't have to walk this alone. But can I just caution you in a world that is so full of cancel? Cancel, cancel, cut it off, sever it. Where no contact is actually a trend. What kind of world do we live in? That was your mom who raised you, changed your diaper, fed you, and kept you alive, and now you're mad at something, so not going to show up for Thanksgiving. Now going to be dishonoring, now going to talk about her, and listen, you better be careful. These relationships are important. Sometimes it is safe and appropriate to have some boundaries. Absolutely. Sometimes you need some space for it to be healthy and safe. I'm just saying these relationships are nuanced. You need wisdom, and before you just give the devil the satisfaction of letting go or giving up, control what you can control. And say as far as this is up to me, I'm going to leave the door open for a miracle. I'm going to control what I can control. I'm going to leave a chair. I'm not going to burn a bridge. I'm going to leave room for future reconciliation.

James 3 18, remember I read it earlier. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoys its results only if you do the hard work. It's hard, it's complicated, it's difficult, I'm just saying, work at it. How do you control what you can control? Here's another thing, be quick to forgive. Ephesians 4.32, forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God and Christ forgave you. I know it might be hard, be quick to forgive. Author and theologian, Louis Smeads said it this way, to forgive is to set a prisoner free and to discover that that prisoner was you. See, you don't wait until somebody else deserves it for you to live free. You can control what you can control. You may not be able to control them, but you can control you. Forgiveness is not for their sake, it's for your sake. Even if you can't restore it, you can release it. You can choose to forgive and put it in God's hands, don't carry it. Final thing, this is probably one of the hardest of anything that I've shared today. Control what you can control by praying for God to help them. That's so hard when you've been hurt. That's so hard when you feel like they're so wrong. That's so hard when you feel like you've been trying and they've been fighting.

But I'm telling you, as people of God, as we grow, that's our word for this year, as we grow, as we do the Bible thing, we honor God's word, God will honor us. Romans 12, 14 says, "Bless those who persecute you, "don't curse them. "Pray that God will bless them." It's really hard to do, but when you're doing your part to control what you can control and you're like, I'm not gonna let bitterness set in. I'm not going to allow unforgiveness to set in. I'm not gonna be full of anger and madness, rage, severing, canceling. I might need some safe space, but I'm not gonna burn a bridge, why? Because I believe in the power of prayer. And if I'll continue to fight in prayer, I believe that God can touch her heart or his heart or her mind or his mind. I believe that he's the God of the miraculous. If you believe it today, that God's the God of miracles, do you believe it? You're like, but in my situation, he's the God of miracles. He wants your relationships to thrive. I want you to leave today with hope. He sees you, you do your part. See what God may do. I wanna pray over you right now. Would you bow your heads and close your eyes? Lord, I pray for every single person in this room today,

carrying some relational conflict, needing a healing, needing a miracle. Would you do it in the strong name of Jesus? Give him a testimony, Lord, of healing and reconciliation. In Jesus' name, the heads bowed, I still close. Nobody looking around, I wanna pray one final prayer. This is for anybody and everybody who, if you were gut level honest, you'd have to admit, you're not right with God. Hear me today. You will never have right earthly relationships until you have a right relationship with God. You just can't. I don't know where are you've been. I don't know where, what are you've done? But it doesn't matter how many sins you've committed, even though God has seen every single one of those things. He still loves you. He still cares about you. He so wants relationship with you. Please hear this. If there would be a million miles between you and God, he makes up the entire distance. He's chasing you with his love. And he just leaves that last step for you to turn and to fall into his arms. Quit running from God. Today is your day to make things right. Today is your day to have your sins forgiven. I'm pleading with you.

Don't leave this place. Without knowing that you know that you'll spend eternity in heaven instead of hell. For God so loved you that he sent Jesus Christ his only son to die on the cross in your place in mind. Listen, he died for you so that you could live with him. Do you want that today? Do you want to have that assurance that he's your king? Who's your Lord? I'm going to pray for you if you just say, Scottie, that's me. I'm not right with God, but I want to be. I want to commit or recommit my life to Christ. Include me in that final prayer. When I count to three, just shoot up your hand and I'll pray for you. One, two, three. Come on, lift it up. Awesome, awesome. Watching online, just type in the chat. That's me. If you raise your hand and you wanna make Jesus Lord of your life, pray this prayer as I lead you. Mean it with all of your heart, dear God. Thank you for your grace and your mercy. Today is the day I ask you to forgive me of my sin. Please come into my heart and be Lord of my life. Thank you for saving my soul in Jesus' name, we pray it. And everybody said, "Hey man, come on, thank the Lord."

I turn it over to the host at the campuses. Praise the Lord. Well, we are definitely rejoicing with every one of you. And would you stand up with me all over this place? If you're looking for a church home, I hope you don't need to look any further. You're among some of the kindest, most loving people in all of Oklahoma. Give us a gear of your life. Really get plugged in and watch how God transformed your life. We're family here at People's Church. Come on, shout it with me on three. One, two, three. We're family. God bless your church. ♪ All my life you have been saved ♪