Forgiven and Set Free Episode 4 - Anger

Welcome back, ladies. We are moving into, unfortunately, this is my favorite chapter, anger, and we are so happy you are continuing this journey with us. If you are just joining us for the first time, I want to gently remind you, please go back to episode one and start there. Each episode builds on the one before, and so it's going to benefit you the most to start from the beginning rather than jumping in here. All right, so I'm going to give you a recap. In episode one, we talked about recognizing pain. In episode two, we talked about the character of God. In episode three, we talked about relief and denial and how we survive overwhelming circumstances. Today we get to talk about an emotion that often shows up next, and it's anger. And boy, when it shows up, it's not pretty. No, I can attest to that as well. So before we begin, I want to say something important. Listen, anger does not mean you are doing this wrong. Anger does not disqualify you from healing. Anger is often a signal that something mattered and that something was violated or lost. Let me share some scripture with you. In Psalm 62, verse eight tells us, pour out your hearts to him for God is our refuge. You heard that in the last one. Take heed to it. God invites honesty. Even when the emotions feel messy, now listen, if at any point this feels like too much, do not hesitate, as we always say, to press that pause button, but just promise us you'll come back. Let's pray. Lord God, thank you for giving us emotions that allow us to feel deeply. Your word tells us, in your anger do not sin. Would you help us understand our anger today?

Show us what is underneath it and how to bring it to you. We ask all of this in the name of Jesus, amen and amen. Many women will feel ashamed of their anger, but scripture does not shame anger. It gives it boundaries and purpose. Think about that. Ephesians 4, 26 says, in your anger do not sin. Notice what that verse does not say. It doesn't say, do not be angry. Anger itself is not the problem. What we do with it is what matters. Yeah, I hear you say those words and I get nervous. Anger often points to something deeper. It may be pointing to grief, injustice, betrayal, loss of control, a loss of voice. And that was me. I had no voice. In Job 30, verse 25 says, have I not wept for those in trouble? Has not my soul grieved for the poor? Scripture recognized that anger and grief are best friends. They walk together. Absolutely. You should see a worksheet called the anger pie. It's similar to your responsibility pie. This exercise is going to help you gently explore who or what you're angry with and where that anger is directed. This is not about blaming others and it is not about minimizing your responsibility. It's about telling the truth. Psalm 139, 23 and 24 says, search me, oh God, and know my heart. Listen, God can handle the truth of our anger. So thinking back to the people that influenced your abortion decision, you would have made a list of those and you would have put them on that responsibility pie.

So thinking about those folks, who on that list might you be angry with? Maybe you need to put a little star by those names. Are there others that you're angry with that are not on that list? If they're not on that list, make a note of them. Now, we want you to do the same thing that you did with the responsibility pie with the anger pie. Think about the people that you are the angriest with and put them on that pie. You're gonna give each person a slice of that pie. Now, on my own anger pie, I had a big piece of it. And you know who else was on my anger pie? God was on my anger pie. So don't forget him if you were angry with him. Lovette, tell me about your anger pie since you shared your influence pie with us. So here is my anger pie. I didn't have a lot of people, but my mom said she forced me, my father who was not there, and myself because I lost my voice. So I struggled with that for quite some time. Once you have completed the anger pie, we want you to do another exercise. We want you to write a short letter to each person on that pie. Tell them why you're angry with them and how your abortion affected you. Okay, I need you to hear me say, we are not mailing these letters.

These are simply for you. This is an exercise that helps us to give voice to those feelings maybe we have stuffed down for so long. So again, we're not mailing these anger letters. They're just for you. I want y'all to hear from Peanut again as she shares about her anger and where it showed up for her and what it was really pointing to. So I had a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem. So I grew up feeling dirty. I grew up feeling angry. I'm also always been the shortest girl. So I got picked on a lot for being small. So that also, I struggle with fighting or standing up for myself. I always felt like I had to prove something. And I also felt like I had to protect myself because I didn't want anybody to hurt me or do things to me or my sister. Listen, God does not turn away from anger. Psalm 34 verse 18 reminds us, the Lord is close to the broken hearted. Is your heart broken? Anger often protects a broken heart. God wants to meet us underneath the anger where the pain lives. So this one is my favorite. Another tool you may see is called the fruits and roots. Right?

And so I'm gonna explain this to you. The fruit is what we see on the surface, anger, irritation, outbursts. Do any of those sound familiar? Or the list could go on. The roots are what's underneath, fear, grief, loss. So what you're gonna do is draw yourself a tree. You don't have to be a good artist, it's okay. This is an art class. But I wanna share this verse with you. Matthew 12 verse 34. For the mouth speak what the heart is full of. That can become very dangerous. This exercise help us to listen to what our anger has been trying to say for so long. It's okay. So as you draw this tree, right? You're gonna put all those icky fruits up here that the roots have produced. And I'm gonna share with y'all my tree real quick. Clenched fist, hit, I would completely shut down. Sarcasm, Jill and I can- That's me. That's me, I'm fluent in sarcasm. We can relate to that one. Passive aggressive and yelling. But what was really going on? Sometimes I was frustrated, remorseful, overwhelmed. A lot of it was disappointed, discouraged, hostile. And then so much rage had built up in me.

Now let's think about what drives your anger. These are the roots. Are you confused, overwhelmed, hurt, disappointed? Do you feel like you have no voice? The point is to see how the underlying emotion manifests itself, the root that produces the fruit in everyday life. That's scary. Yeah, when we think about that, you know, what is it that, you know, how is it that I'm operating in the world and if I am putting my anger forward because I'm trying to keep people at bay, that's what we're showing the world. So I want you to think back for a minute to the walking wounded worksheet that we were talking about, those coping mechanisms that we used. Anger is often one of the ways that we protect ourselves when we've been wounded. Today is not about changing that yet. It's about understanding it. Hmm, so good. Okay, before moving forward, once again we invite you to read chapter 5 of this study. Then complete your anger pie. Now don't try to pretend like you're not angry with anyone. Reflect back to your responsibility pie from episode 2 as a guide. So we want you to ask yourself, who am I really angry with? What feels unfair or unresolved? I'm going to read Psalm 62 verse 8 again. Pour your hearts to him, for God is a refuge that gives me peace, Jill. You are not required to fix anything yet. Let's pray. Father God, thank you for giving us emotions. Thank you, Lord, for teaching us what to do with our emotions through your Word and through your Holy Spirit. Father, we know that as we give them to you, it's so you can heal us and to take away the brokenness that happens because of it. Lord, it is so hard sometimes to put words to what we're feeling, to process our anger and frustration in a way that is redemptive and not destructive. Help us, Lord God, today to lay that at your feet, to have the words, Lord God, to give to you and to be able to express it in a way, Lord God, that brings healing and invites others, Lord God, to healing as well. Lord, we thank you that you covered all of this in the name of Jesus. Amen and amen.

Again, thank you for continuing this journey. Anger is not the end of the story. Often it points us towards a deeper pain that needs to be dealt with. When you're ready, we want you to continue to the next episode where we're going to talk about depression and emotional exhaustion. Sound familiar? Remember that God is with you in this and he is so gentle with your heart.