Forgiven and Set Free Episode 3 - Relief and Denial

Welcome back, ladies. We are so glad you are sticking it through and you are with us in episode three. And if you're just joining us on this journey, we want to ask you to go back to episode one and start there because each episode builds on the one before and we want you to get the most out of the study. So go back. Okay, so I'm going to give you a quick recap. In episode one, we talked about recognizing pain. In episode two, we talked about the character of God and who he really is. Today we're going to talk about something many women experience after an abortion, relief and denial. That's so good. So before we begin, I want to remind you of a few things. What we are talking about today, we have seen women personally survive overwhelming circumstances. Relief and denial are not moral failures. To be honest with you, Jill, they are protective responses. They were for me. Yeah. Psalms 139 verse one through two tells us, You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You perceive my thoughts from afar. To have the Lord search you is so comforting. God already knows what your heart needed to survive. Listen, once again, at any point this gets too hard, please feel free to push that pause button. But as I always say, promise us you'll come back. Hi, my name is Emily. I'm so glad you're here today. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father God, thank you for loving us enough to show us what is true, even when it's hard

to see. Your word says, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you. Would you give us new understanding today? Would you help us see your love more clearly? It's in Jesus' name we pray, amen. You know, many women describe feeling relief after their abortion. I know I certainly did. The problem was handled and I felt like I could just move on with my life. But that relief doesn't mean that you didn't care, that I didn't care. It often means that the pressure has been relieved, and that was exactly what I felt. Ecclesiastes 3, 1 reminds us that there is a time for everything. In moments of crisis, the body and the mind are looking just to survive. Does that sound familiar? Relief can be the body's way of saying the immediate danger is past. That is so true. You know, often denial is misunderstood. Denial doesn't mean refusing truth, and I think people get that confused. Sometimes it means not being able to hold the truth. Not yet. Let's sit in that a minute, you know, not being able to hold the truth. I'm going to read a verse to you. Proverbs 20, verse 5 tells us, the purposes of a person's heart are deep water, but one who has insight draws them out. Peeling, you know, often happen in layers. I always think of it like an onion. You're peeling back layers and layers. God reveals truth gently and patiently, and I needed that. Oh, most definitely. I love that, you know, we're going to unpack the fact that it doesn't happen instantaneously.

All of this process takes time. So, thinking back to the last episode, you were invited to complete that responsibility pie. Remember, thinking about the people that were involved in our abortion decision, who influenced us by speaking to us directly, who influenced us because we avoided them. I just want to remind you again that that exercise is not about blame shifting. It's about getting to the truth. Again, Psalm 139, 23 and 24 say, Search me, God, and know my heart, if there is any offensive way in me. God sees the full picture. He sees the fear, the pressure, the lack of support. Whatever it is, He sees it. Today builds on that honesty. Okay guys, we're going to go over this worksheet called The Walking Wounded. And we're going to focus only on this side. Now what you're going to do is create two columns and leave a space in the middle. Put the following in the headings. Walking Wounded and the Prescription to Biblical Healing. I'm going to encourage you to keep this paper with you at all times. Today we're going to work on this side only. It represents ways we have learned to cope. These are coping strategies. You'll want to write these down. One of them is denial. So write down the word denial and then think about this. Did you say things like, it wasn't that bad or it was the best choice I could make given the circumstances? Or do you spend time avoiding triggers because you don't want to be reminded? Those are ways that we operate in denial. Those sound so familiar to me. I know, right? Um, deception. Okay. With deception, think about this. When we say the phrase, my body, my choice, because the reality is it's no longer just our body. If you thought, well, this isn't a baby. If somebody told you this is just a clump of cells, that's a form of deception. Um, if you were told, um, this won't hurt or it's okay, you'll be fine. That's deception because it did hurt. And I don't know about you, but I wasn't okay. I can so relate to that. I think that's the biggest one is going to be okay. I mean, it never is constant penance. So constant penance. This is one we're going to unpack a little bit for you. This is us trying to find ways to make things better, to make up for the decision that we made. You know, maybe you're extra nice to children. Maybe you decided that

you felt like you needed to do things to help others. These are ways that we're trying to make up for the decision that we made. Justification. This was my best friend. You know, just, I, justification is really that having that defensive posture that, you know, this is, it's really self-protection. Like I really did all that I could do. And, and so we just go on the defensive. I didn't have a choice. You don't understand. You haven't been where I have been. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Isolation. Oh, I think about isolation and just the different ways that we can isolate ourselves. You can isolate by physically pulling back from people. You can mentally pull back. You can emotionally pull back. But it's that whole idea of who am I to even talk about this? Thinking things like everyone is judging me. So I am going to remove myself as best I can. Maybe thinking I'm, I'm a bad mom. So these are different ways that we isolate. Look, we, these are patterns. We're not here to shame you at all. That is not our goal. They are coping strategies that we use to survive. Jill has used them. I have used them as well. And here's a time of like, which one speaks to you? Write those down. Psalms 103 verse 14 reminds us, for he knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust. Let me read that one more time. Psalms 103 verse 14. For he knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust. God understands survival. Again, we want you to hear from our friend Peanut as she shares how denial helped her to survive and how healing began when the truth could finally be told. So take a look at this. Nobody wanted me to have the baby, you know, and then they were like persuading me and making me think. And doubt, well, maybe they're right. Maybe I don't need to bring a baby into this world. Maybe, you know, maybe I do need to go back to school. So I didn't say anything because all these different thoughts were going in my mind, like, what, you know, the good parts of it, the bad parts of it. Hillen doesn't come back for us, guys.

John 16, verse 13 tells us, when he, the spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth. Catch that word, all. Guide, not shove. Lead, not overwhelm. God reveals truth at a pace of love. I love that. When we're ready to, like, really hear it and accept it. You know, often when denial softens, there is another emotion that emerges, and it's anger. That doesn't mean that something is wrong. It often means that something mattered. We'll talk about that in our next episode. Yeah, I'm happy you brought up that we're gonna talk about anger. That is where I reside. Knowing that I was 12 weeks pregnant when I had my abortion, I became angry once I knew the truth. So before we move forward, we invite you to do a few things. First, read chapter four of this study. Second, if you haven't already, make sure you complete your responsibility pie from episode two. Then spend some time with the walking wounded worksheet, thinking about your own coping mechanism. What did you do? Simply notice, which coping strategies feel familiar? Which ones helped you survive?

I know you know that. I'm gonna read a Bible verse to you. Psalm 62, verse eight reminds us, "'Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.'" Jill, there's no better refuge than Jesus Christ. Listen, you don't have to fix anything yet. Let's pray together. Lord Jesus, thank you for being near to us in our sorrow and our grief. There is nothing we can say or do that would make you love us any more or any less. Help us to be gentle and patient with ourselves and with others as you continue to heal us. Give us wisdom over what areas of our lives we have yet to fully surrender to you. We thank you for your faithfulness. In Jesus name, amen. ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ Thank you for continuing. This journey is designed to be taken in order, one step at a time. When you're ready, continue to the next episode, where we'll talk about anger and what it might be pointing to. And listen, God is so patient, and he is with you. ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. ♪