Family and Finances: Episode 6, Part 3

We've raised two sets of children, two were born in our 20s, two in our 40s, so we've had a chance to sort of do a reset. I get asked a lot, what are you doing differently with the second set than you did with the first set? And I always say the same thing, I don't know what you would say Ann, but I say I'm just making different mistakes. And I'm moving slower. You know, they bring us great joy, but each child is different and each thing we do as parents is always somewhat experimental. There are no guarantees. You know, I would say one of my big lessons in life is there's not a formula. No there's not. I do think it's very important that we expose them to poverty. I remember one time we took the boys to serve food at a homeless shelter. Do you remember this? We got there early to help prepare the food and the people came through the line. The older boys or the same? The younger boys. Okay. And afterwards we were told to go ahead and get some food and sit with them. So the youngest one, we sat down with some people and started chatting and he leaned over and whispered, when are the poor people going to come in? And he missed it completely, they'd already come through and we were sitting there talking with them. I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Oh, it was precious. But I think we need to be intentional about giving, whether that's having them go through their toys and pick out things that they can share, their clothes, in addition to money. Yeah, be givers.

We took the children on lots of trips with us. We paid for that and that's a great education. It's a great way to learn about the world. They shouldn't be good in geography, for one thing, just knowing where places are, but also expose them to other cultures and other ways of living. When I talk to our younger boys about their favorite memories, most of them will say that three weeks we spent living in a one-room apartment, I guess two-room apartment. Two bedrooms, yeah. Two-bedroom apartment. One bath. In Malawi. We were just piled in on top of each other and living very, very simply for three weeks. It looked like it would have been a sacrifice to them. No big entertainment, nothing to keep them busy. They loved the simplicity of it and the community of it. It taught them that they can be content with far less than they have now. Oh, it was a wonderful experience. They had limited food. I don't think they ate out the entire time we were staying in Malawi. They never felt like they got enough at the meals that were served because it was a pretty lean times right then. I think we had quite a few meals with no meat. Yeah, but it was wonderful. They had such a good time. What else would you do differently, Anne, if someone asked you, we've raised four boys, they're grown now. What is it that we would do that would help them the most? I think showing them where money goes. I don't think we spend enough time showing them, okay, this amount of money goes towards food, actually going through a budget with them.

I think we could have been much more intentional about teaching them. For one thing, they'd understand, well, yeah, that's why we can't buy just everything you want. I think when I think about it, what you wish you had done differently, you can make a long list. I think there's a lot of guilt in parents today and a lot of things that they want to relive, and you can't do that. I try to live grateful for what they did learn, and I'm proud of the children. I'm proud that they've made their own way and done well with their finances so far. They've all done really well. We've got a few question marks left, but I would say I would want to teach them to rely on God in the hard times more than I think I was able to express to them. That's what we had to learn to do. Remember the movie Mama's Purse, is that what it's called? Mama's Bank Account. Mama's Bank Account. That message, I don't think I expressed well enough as the father in our home. Share that story, the point of that movie. She was in the depression, and she didn't have any money. I think she shielded her children. She pretended. Pretended she had an account at the bank. And she always said, well, if we're going to do that, mom is going to have to go drain my bank account. And they would say, no, mom, we'll work, and we'll get that money together. You don't have to do that. And they would pull it off, and it would come through. And at the end, they found out that their mother never had that bank account.

But the point there is we have a God to rely on that supplies our needs, even when we don't have it. Even when we might have felt desperate and alone and hurting ourselves, God was so faithful. And I don't think I expressed to the children deeply enough the joy and benefit of trusting God through the hard times. Right. And I think one thing I would do differently is instead of buying things for them that would get tossed in a toy box, would just have emphasized time together, just having fun. Yeah, experiences. Yeah, go to the park and play, go different places, or just play. Well, it reminds me, I got a call from, I guess, a grandparent. No, we were on our walk. And a grandparent said, hey, Chuck, you know about money. I'm opening an investment account for my grandchildren. Where should I put it? And the light bulb went off for us. What a great idea. What if we'd started that for each of the children, where we were investing and they were matching, some investment that was growing over time, where they would be today versus just spending money for nonsense. Yes, they're going to start doing that for each of their grandchildren's birthdays from now on.

Instead of buying stuff, they're buying stock. They're buying stock and not stuff. That's a good way to end this, isn't it? Invest in the eternal. Invest in the fact that God takes seriously our stewardship of money and help them to understand that. Do the best you can. Some are going to receive it and some are not. There are no formulas. There's no reason to beat yourself up for the mistakes and to just rejoice when they do figure out how to do it. And I think, Ann, my estimate is all four of the boys are going to do it better than we did. I hope so. I hope they never went to bed at night wishing they had more. I hope they were happy and content with what they had. Well, thanks for sharing all of your knowledge today, Ann. I hope that we've encouraged people. It's so easy to worry about the future, especially when we think about the next generation and all the myriad of challenges that they're going to face. There's a labyrinth of things to worry about in today's world. But the Bible makes it clear just to be faithful with what you want to teach them right now, what's in front of you. Do the best you can as a parent. Love them. Be filled with grace. I look back, and my regret was just being too legalistic. And just show them grace and love and mercy.

And just keep teaching them the principles. And the Bible promises that one day, they'll fall back and rely on those things that have been poured into their little hearts and minds. Right. And be willing to say you're sorry. Because we make mistakes. Let them know we're sorry. Over and over and over. Well, thanks for sharing about that today, Ann. I look forward to next time we're going to talk about creating a unified financial plan, getting on the same page as husband and wife, and setting some financial goals so that you can make real progress. OK. That's an important one. See you then. All righty. All righty.