Family and Finances: Episode 12, Part 1

- Well, Ann, I'm really excited about today's podcast. We're gonna talk about holiday financial survival tips, stories of failure and success, and we've got lots of all of those. And then I'll do some Q&A with you, and you'll ask me some questions, and then we'll wrap up with some general tips. I think it's gonna be really helpful to people. Okay, when I think about holiday survival tips, I remember what I used to do when we first started out. I would use a credit card to buy Christmas, pretty much put everything on the credit card, and then spend the next 11 to 12 months trying to pay it off so that by next Christmas, I could have some margin on the credit card and do it again. And that was just a continual cycle of way of thinking about the holidays, that, okay, they're here, I don't have the money, so let's put it on the credit card. And I would say the first tip that you and I've learned is to avoid debt. - Oh, for sure. If you don't have the money saved up for Christmas, don't borrow. - Yeah, but you did borrow, Ann. - I did borrow one time. - Tell the story of that. - Early in our marriage. I think it might have been our second Christmas, 'cause we got married December 21st, so our first Christmas was on our honeymoon.

Second one, I was working in a bank, commercial lending, and I thought, I don't have any money, I'll just go borrow some, so, you know, I got a several hundred dollars and bought you a watch that you liked, and your dad asked me about it, and when he found out that I borrowed money, he was like, you what? - You borrowed money from the bank? - Yes. - Didn't put it on the credit card, just-- - I don't think we had a credit card at that point. - At that point. - I know we didn't. - Yeah, well, the second mistake, so first one is don't do the credit card thing, plan early, and just have a Christmas fund, you know? Set, I know people who have an automatic withdrawal out of their paycheck that goes right into their Christmas fund, and so come December, they look and say how much they've got, and that's their budget for the season. Second thing I used to do wrong is, I worked for a company that gave Christmas bonus, and sometimes it would come early in December and sometimes mid-December, and I would wait 'til I got the Christmas bonus 'til I started my Christmas shopping, and so usually I had like eight days between the bonus, and I got myself under stress. - Well, you would take me on some of those, we would spend our anniversary shopping on the 21st, and it stressed me out.

- Yeah, well, I lived under that stress, and like a typical guy, I would just delay it and postpone it and figure out I could get it all done spontaneously, and I think what happened was, I ended up buying some of those sausages that are the last minute deals in the mall, like, oh, they'll like a sausage, and it really was a bad thing to do. I felt pressure and rushed, and it took a lot of the joy out of even the gift-giving part of it. - Well, we'd go into some of those toy stores too, and we'd just be surrounded by all these gifts, thinking, okay, what would the boys like? You know, let's just buy something. - I remember when I learned that the music in these stores is all a part of enticing you to spend more money, and the more you like the music, and the more festive it is, the more likely you are to let your guard down and overspend, and certainly I fell for that for many years. I think the third thing that you and I learned is to start early and look for deals. You don't have to spend a lot of money to make Christmas meaningful, and if you start before the rush, I'm talking about before Black Friday. You really can save a lot of money and do something that's more significant than if you're just getting a big hurry

and just walk into the mall or click online to something you want and have to have and you have to pay for the overnight delivery. You just make a lot of mistakes that way. - Well, and I think looking back to we bought gifts that our little, when the boys were little, would have never even remember, wouldn't have known if they'd got a gift or not. You know, a one year old really doesn't need Christmas presents even a two year old. They just wanna play and be loved on. - Yeah, I saw that little test online the other day of a mother that put gifts in front of her child, and then she gave a choice of like a cucumber or a plastic bottle or an empty cup, and the child chose just the normal stuff, not the plastic, shiny toys, over the stuff she had purchased. And so we don't have to go overboard with that ever. Now, I think also a way to save money at Christmas is to consider the people You know, we went through the years of having the kids turn in a Christmas list and then we would look, okay, what can we afford on the Christmas list and how many of these items can we get? And when you do it that way, sometimes you miss what could be done if you said, all right, I'm not going to spend any money on the gift. I'm going to do it differently. And when we sort of flip that switch, I've had kids make cards for me that I've saved forever that have become really, really meaningful. We've had homemade gifts.

You've sown things for people. I think one of the boys wrote me a song one year. That was really special for me. If you think about it, like, I'm just not going to spend money. What would be meaningful if I didn't spend money? And sometimes you've passed on things that we already have. A couple years ago, should we talk about the big blue house and what a sweet time that was? Yeah. We gathered the four boys, rented an Airbnb over in Nashville and we drew names. So each person got one gift and then you and I passed down things that had been in the family. To the older kids, the married ones. Yeah, we also planned our meals so we didn't have to go out and spend a lot of money at restaurants or waste time being out. We stayed in the house, played a lot of board games. And we wrote a blessing for our children that turned out to be very special. And I think it's proven, Ann, that people enjoy experiences more than things. And when I look back on that, it was one of my favorite Christmases. People in terms of materialism, but meaningful in terms of our relationship and our time together. Well, even the grandchildren wanted to know when they could do it again. They loved it. Yeah. We all had a great time. And I think that for the kids, David would probably say it's one of the best Christmases. As opposed to just getting in the room on Christmas Eve, opening a bunch of presents, we stayed together, we minimized the gift giving and it was really about love. Right. So, the survival tips that I think would help most people is, you know, just make a decision

not to do debt. It's just, it's so hard to get out of that cycle. You take the whole year paying it off and then you're behind from then on. Don't do the debt. Don't get rushed. Don't wait until the last minute. Look for deals. And then think of ways of what you could do for Christmas if you just weren't going to spend any money. Because there are some people listening that can't spend money. And it's somewhat depressing. There is a real thing about holiday depression where people are feeling so much, you know, a self-imposed pressure of what they have to spend. And they've misacquaded love with their budget. But you can give love. You know, think about my mom. My mom made Christmas so meaningful because she was thoughtful about every child, every grandchild, every stranger that she brought in for Christmases. She just made Christmas wonderful. And it was because she was filled with love. And her, you know, her stocking or her gift bag always was expression of love to whoever it was. And I sort of, I just really wonder if it's good to even have the kids make a Christmas list. Because then they expect something off that list. And if you don't provide it, they're disappointed. You feel the pressure. I just, I would be more keen on listening and observing what is it that they want or something that would bless them. You know, the world put so much pressure on parents and children.

Well, we've had a friend that had their children make a list, had four children, you'll remember the story. But the children would put everything they wanted and the parents would go get it. And they had so many gifts under the tree that they would have to take a break before and sort of put away paper. And so they didn't lose their stuff. And then it was like morning wave of opening, afternoon wave of opening, that night of opening. And it was just overwhelming to everybody. And I know one little child who said, "Do we have to keep doing this? Can I go play?" You know, we just stop. You know, I think of another thing and in this Black Friday, I think there's two kinds of people in the world. and those who would not ever do that. - I know where I fall. - I know where you are. I don't think you've ever gone out on a Black Friday, but I've got friends who practically will camp out, you know, excited and they've mapped out their journey that day. Now to me, Black Friday is, you know what it means? It's the day that the retailers start to make money. They move from losing money all year. They're in the red to going into the black. And most of it is a gimmick. - But you know what? Some of it is just a tradition that people love. They love being out with their friends or family. And so I don't want to come across as judgmental. I just want people to not feel the pressure to have to buy.

- Well, I agree with you and I didn't mean to sound judgmental, but it is an experience and fun for some people. But I think it's a gimmick from the standpoint that most of those items are not finite. They're not going to run out of the things that you can get for your family. You know, there's always going to be something meaningful you can buy them. If you miss the door buster, Black Friday sale, don't get too stressed about that. There'll be another big screen TV on sale later in the year. - Well, and the thing I think people miss is just spending time with family, when they can just enjoy being together, talking, walking, going on hikes, bike riding, playing games. You know, just time together. - I think for those who've been listening to our podcast, no, you're the one that knows how to save money. I've said before, you could take a penny and stretch it to a copper wire. And you're frugal by nature. And so I want to ask you a couple of questions just on finances and saving money. - Okay, this sounds scary. Go ahead. - Do you budget for presents all year long? And how do you plan your gift giving? - No, I don't budget for gifts. I just spend less than we make. - You budget all the time?

- I budget, yeah, in that way. So I always have a cushion. - Yeah, I think there's something to this end, because some people are thinking, okay, I've got to set aside $50 or $100 every month or every pay period, so I've got a Christmas budget. And you really don't think that way. You think about saving money on everything that we do. So that we have money left over for not just Christmas, but entertainment, if we're gonna travel, we've got that set aside. Your mentality helps us be ready for all the variables during the holiday season. And so it's not just saving for presents, but it's not a bad idea. - No, I wish we'd have done that when we were young. Been much wiser. - Yeah, then me and the credit cards, are you borrowing money at the bank? (laughs) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)