Family and Finances: Episode 12, Part 3

- You know, one of the areas that is so helpful for people to think about is being content through the holidays. And there is such a, it's a time for depression for some people, for a whole host of reasons. I think, you know, we reflect back on our childhood and how somehow, you know, it seemed magical to Christmas time and you get older and you've carried around a lot of stress or issues or unresolved conflict or whatever it may be, but people can get really, they can lose their contentment. And as you said earlier, by focusing on Christ, it's become a much happier time for us. - Yes, it has. And I think that there's something really sweet about having simple traditions. Whether it's lighting, you know, an advent wreath, having the same wreath through, you know, pass down even through generations. Just simple things that bring back memories for families. - Thinking about one of our boys and contentment, his personal tradition has always been to make the gifts. And so we kind of get excited about what he's made. He's made cutting boards, he's made wooden spoons, he's made chopping blocks, he's made all kinds of things. And they're usually wrapped with brown paper and they have some sort of herb or plant on them. And he's written a note in sort of calligraphy and they're wonderful.

And it's simple and inexpensive, but we actually are blessed by the effort that he goes through in a way to avoid the materialism of it. You know, he's not out shopping the mall, bringing me an Italian sausage that he got. - She's rolled. - You know, one of those kiosks. He's really thought through what would be a blessing to us. And it's a sign that some of the lessons that we've practiced have been passed on to him. - I know another thing that we did for years, we'd drive through the fantasy of lights. That didn't cost us anything where we lived. But we'd walk through it. We drove through it or walked through it. And then when we moved to Georgia, oh my goodness, your favorite, yeah. - You didn't like it that much 'cause you don't like those. - I love the lights. - Well, we drive through this park with all the lights, huge display. You know, and you drive under 'em and around 'em. And then you end up with an amusement park, all the rides, and it would be freezing cold. And I'd get out there, bundled up with the boys and we'd ride all the rides. The various oils, yeah, do all that fun stuff. And they're just great memories. And that was a part of our tradition. - Yes, I think those are important for children.

And for couples, just to have those, that stability through the years, that thing to look forward to or to reflect on. - Yeah, let's talk about some of our general guidelines for the holidays. One thing we didn't talk about was Santa Claus. I grew up with Santa Claus. Did you grow up with Santa Claus? That's a part of you, yeah. And I actually think it has a sweet place in a child's mind. It just allows you to dream and have almost this sense of, you know, as C.S. Lewis would say the, the after world to think, oh, there's some, something coming to deliver presence to us. And then of course, at some point, they decide, hmm, it's probably not real. And so we talked about kids making the list and turning it into Santa. But when they get to a certain age, we decided just to tell them, okay, that's not true. - Well, our second son came to me and said, mom is Santa real. He was young, maybe six, six years old. And I looked at him, I thought, okay, I can't lie to you. And I said, honey, there was a St. Nicholas, but the way we celebrate Santa is not real. We're the ones who buy you your presence. And he looked at me and his eyes got piggy and he said,

really? Wow, that's better than Santa. - So, and that's true, isn't it? That we're showing love to our children, not some mythical character out there. But I've always thought there were parallels to Christ coming to the earth with gifts I'm not saying, you know, there's a Bible lesson here. You can't find Santa in the Bible. But there's a parallel there of reality that God did come to the earth and bring gifts. And we celebrate him. And I think some of the best worship music of the year is always around Christmas. Because we can focus our adoration on that miracle of the humble birth that represents salvation. And you know, Christ was generous with us, not based on our behavior. And some of these, I think it's elf on the shelf, some of those things, you know, it's scary for children. Well, it's like those songs, have you been naughty or nice? And it's all provisional and conditional. No, they need to know their love regardless. Well, a couple of general guidelines for me is to think about creating an experience, not just a transaction. If the holidays are transactional, you can get really frustrated. You can have, even as a host, you can get expectations of what you're gonna get from serving

or from the money you've spent or from the gifts you give. But if you think about it as an experience where you're going to serve others, then you set yourself aside. And I think you enjoy it far more. And I think when you're hosting, you can just say, no gifts, no, you don't need to bring gifts. Or, you know, if you've got your group that you do things with, say, hey, we're not gonna do gifts this year, don't-- - Or draw names. - Or draw names, keep it simple, so there's no stress. - What was our limit last year when we drew names to-- - This was for our family gifts. We had to get really creative. - Yeah, and it's fun to see what they come up with for $20. Second thing I would say is affirm your family and friends and the people you're with on the holiday. Go with the intention to affirm and love others during this time. Because when it all boils down to it, it's not the gift that's or the actual thing. It's that a person wants to know they're loved and they're appreciated. They're truly accepted. And I was thinking about my mother who was so good at that. One of the reasons you miss your mom so much is they love you so well, and they affirm you. And, you know, I showed you the other day all those cards we found that she would say to me

over and over and over, I'm proud of you. And she meant that sometimes for no apparent reason, but those are stored in my heart. It's like a vault of affirmation that I got from, particularly mom, and she never missed an opportunity to make a deposit there. - And we also had lots of fun. I'm thinking when I was around your family. And, you know, I think it's healthy to laugh. We have one gift. We gave to one of our kids that we re-wrap and still put it in his stocking. We've done that for years. It's awful, it's an awful video. I mean, you know, not bad, not, you know, when I say bad, it was just a poorly done. - Poor quality, you know. And it's a gag and he laughs every time 'cause he thinks it's gonna be a different video. - Yeah, we have to re-wrap it and something else to disguise it. - He's gonna get it this year. - Yeah. - So, create experiences. And then I think it's important to remember that these are spiritual events. They all derive from our faith. And if we get too big of a hurry and we let the world kind of define what we're going to do,

we miss the essence of what we're there to do. And some of the ways to remember that, like at Thanksgiving, is to sit around the table and ask everybody, what are you thankful for this year? A right at list. Do something where people express gratitude. - This year I've even thought it'd be sweet if we had a piece of paper for each person, set out on a table and with a name on it. And then write down what we're thankful for or some affirmation for each person there. I thought that'd be sweet. - I think it's very important. It's the time to pause to get off of the cycle of business and to think about your relationships and the honor of the people in your life. And I think at Christmas to acknowledge where all gifts come from is so important. To read the word, to say a prayer, to give praise. To, you know, we wrote prayers of blessing. The Jewish families do that every week. - Every week. remember that. I think it's very important that husbands and wives communicate. I mean this it's a big deal so that a wife isn't maybe not so she's not expecting something or he's not expecting something or they don't feel the pressure to buy because I mean how many years we haven't we haven't bought each other gifts every year. You know some years we say hey we don't need anything gifts this year or we we buy something like in July and say this is Christmas anniversary new year's birthday all in one right it sort of covers everything for the next 12 months in our budget and we're happy with that but then we'll have to remember at Christmas and don't forget you know we we did that in July and and also just making a card that you share with people I've I've spent time through the years

making a card for you or the kids have made them for me or you've made them for me I still saved those you know I'm sentimental we just went through and cleaned out a closet full of things but we could not get rid of the letters from the children the drawings oh oh we've got one more thing a tradition and general idea I'm sorry I stepped on your thought there but we've we've saved all those treasures from the kids but we've had a family photo. Oh gosh that's a big deal. Yeah we and we do spend money on that because we want good pictures. You know you don't realize how quickly your life is moving but you when you get them all together we like hiring a photographer and putting together the simple coffee table book because not everybody wants to hang the picture on the wall but just you know send them off to one of those services for 25 bucks they come back and and you give it to your kids and we've all got that as a treasure to remember those special moments. Yes and we we I wish we'd done that from the get-go but we've been doing it every other year for six seven eight years. Yeah and very happy to do that. Yeah well Ann thank you I've enjoyed talking to you about this I hope we've helped people to survive the holidays and not get under a lot of stress and financial pressure. (upbeat music)