Family and Finances: Episode 1, Part 3

Well, sometimes I felt like that we even then, when you were running offense, or you were running defense, and I was running offense, we needed another system to layer onto that to keep us from having friction over a major decision, particularly like buying a car when it gets into the real areas where you can make serious mistakes. By the way, it is true, and I'm an example of that, that men often drive a family to make the biggest financial mistakes because it usually involves your house decision or your cars, the things that cost a lot of money, and if they're not careful, then you can sink your own ship, which I was very capable of doing because I just don't worry. I don't get fearful about things like that. So typically in our relationship, if I decided I wanted a big thing, a big purchase, I would ask for your approval, and then if I didn't get it, then I would start trying to get it. You'd change your mind. You must have done that to your mom, worked her over every possible way you could. She sympathizes with you, Ann. God gave me a very determined personality, and it's got its burrs to it. So the system, which I believe you came up with, was you said, Chuck, I'd like to get you to stop debating with me on a purchase, and let's set up this system of red light, yellow light, green light. If one of us says red, then it's over. We're not going to talk about it anymore. We're not going to do that. If one of us says yellow, then it means we're going to wait and pray, ask the Lord to provide, and if we both say green, we're going to go forward. That was the way we would make big decisions together, and the idea was whatever you said would stop the debate, right? If I said red. Well, but you almost always say red. You don't know any other colors, Ann. Yellow. Yeah, it's either red or yellow for you, right?

Typically, yeah. Yeah, and so I would, I mean, I was agreeing to this. I like the system because it helps me to have confidence when we make a purchase to know you've said green. If you've said green, then I know we can go forward and make it happen. So I came to the point that I decided I wanted a new suit, and I inherited a suit from a dead man who left me his suit. That's all he left me, and I wore that for 25 years. Rarely, though. It was a beautiful suit, and you rarely wore it. I wore it to weddings and funerals, and I was going on a national TV program. I wanted to look updated. I just got bored of wearing the same thing year after year after year. So I went and picked it out. It was on sale. It was off the rack. No alterations needed. I came home to you, and I asked you, hey, what do you think about this? It's in our budget. I really think it was $300 looking back on it, and you almost instantly say red light, which made no sense at all to me. But to me, you already had one that worked, and you rarely wore it. Well, I've worn it till almost, you know, I was sick of it. But it was beautiful, and nobody else but you knew how old it was, you and I. That's true. It was a very old suit, and so I just didn't want to wear it anymore. I wanted to look better and kind of upgrade. You said no. So I was very, I don't necessarily think it was angry. I was miffed.

How could you not agree that it was time for a new suit? And you wouldn't give in. I couldn't even get a yellow light from you. So I go off to this national TV interview. I'm talking about finances. I'm talking about the change in our life, how God has worked all this out. And in the middle of the interview, and it's never happened to me, it's an awkward thing for somebody to ask you what you're wearing. But for some unknown reason, the guy interviewing me leans over, kind of pushes back the lapel on my jacket, and said, well, here you are talking about all this stewardship thing, and you're wearing. A Giorgio Armani suit, and I remember thinking, oh my goodness, he's asked me about my what, my clothing, and I proudly told him, yes, it's a Giorgio Armani. I inherited it from a dead man. I've been wearing this for 25 years, and it was that instant I realized that God had used you to protect me, because I was walking the walk, not just talking the talk, and we were truly putting these principles into practice. I mean, we really decided not to buy a new suit, and at that moment I was grateful that we had this system. Well, I just look at that as God's mercy, too, that he protected you, and that he showed us that waiting was a blessing. Well, it also showed me, Ann, that your oppositeness of me is a completion of me. I would be half a person without you, because I don't have what you have. I don't have, it is not built into me to be this deep thinker, this slow, methodical planner, none of that, and so it's like God took a jigsaw puzzle and put the other part of the picture together in it, that I would be, I would just be a mess. Well, and then I'd be stuck, too, if you didn't lead us. You couldn't make a decision. I don't think, I don't think you could ever make one, and so you put the brakes on, and it turned out to be such a blessing, and such a helpful moment for me to realize, you know, God's Word says a wise man listens to counsel, not just ask for counsel, but actually listens to it and does it. That's the hard part of it. I don't mind asking for counsel. It's actually having to apply it when you get

counsel you don't want, and so this was, this was a turning point, I think, to realize that God uses our differences for our good, if we will, if we will start to listen to Him, and there's a lot more to that story, though, than the red light, yellow light, green light. Mm-hmm. You went to Brazil and spoke there, told the story. Wearing my Giorgio Armani. I'm still wearing it. I'm still telling the story of how proud I am of the fact that God protected me, and after it was over, the group there said, hey, if we buy you a new suit, will Ann give you a green light? And I said, yes. She likes free. She thinks that fits our budget, so they bought me a new suit. And shoes. And a matching tie and shirt and belt, and it was more than I ever dreamed or imagined. It's fantastic. It fits well. I don't have to wear the Armani anymore. And it was much higher quality. It was. Than that $300. So you were right and I was wrong. And God provided for us. God used that to show me that waiting is a good thing. And I don't even think it was a matter of me being right. I think God just used, used that as an opportunity to teach us. Yeah, to learn from each other. And I think it's true. There are times when I can make a decision that helps you get unstuck, and times when you want to delay a decision that helps me, you know, break out of my mode, my mindset. The fun part of that story is I go to China wearing this new suit from Brazil, and I'm telling the whole story again about how God brings two opposites together, what he did in our lives. And a man came up to me afterwards, thanked us for the ministry in his life, and said he was the president of Giorgio Armani in China. And I thought at that moment, I'm getting a new Armani suit. But what he said was, I appreciate Anne and her wisdom, and I want to send her two Giorgio Armani dresses. So I brought those back for you as just an extension of how God will do more than we ever dream or imagine when we wait on him. Right. And we really trust him to provide. You know, Anne, when I look back on it, God took two people that didn't know each other well, came from totally different home lives, totally different backgrounds. Our personalities are very, very different. And he showed us how to make that work. He showed us how to get things in place that we function well together and better together than we would apart because of our

differences. And let me just summarize. Our first big breakthrough is accepting that God had a financial philosophy that we could both embrace, and you led us to that. You knew that's what we needed. I think the Lord led us to it. And he put us on the same page by agreeing with his principles. We started practicing the 24-hour rule. Waiting. And for you, it's sometimes a 24-month rule, I mean, it can go on forever. And then we did offense-defense. And that freed me up to think about what I'm better at, and it allowed you to use your giftedness to be really good at defending what we have. I mean, I brag about you a lot, because you do stuff with our finances I could never do personally. Well, we worked together. And it all goes back to those three months of dating over money. You know, God got a hold of our hearts there when we learned that he owns it all, and we're his stewards. Yeah. I think it's one of the reasons I'm so excited about our new program called Money Dates, is we know that when couples get on the same page and put these things into practice, even these little things like red light, yellow green light, that God will intervene and help them no matter what problems they have, how different they are, how dysfunctional they may seem. God can put it all together and help couples to flourish. Even in times that are unexpected. During, yeah, like COVID-19. Right. Next time, we're going to talk about our biggest financial mistakes, and we're going to have to narrow the list down because we've made so many, but I'm looking forward to that. Okay.

Sounds good. Thanks, Anne. Bye.