Family and Finances: Episode 1, Part 2

We ended up going to the class and it required us to study scripture, memorize scripture, and to really discuss in detail what we thought about money. Well, wasn't it ten weeks? Twelve. Twelve weeks. And a date for three months where we would discuss what God's word said about money. Yeah, and I was shocked because I did think I knew everything and I tend to live with that edge about me. And when I got into the word, I realized I was ignorant. I didn't know what God said about money and I was overwhelmed by the knowledge that was available that I had never taken advantage of. In fact, you know this, I repented of my ignorance and the fact that money had really controlled my life. It had become my identity and my sense of purpose. It was really what I thought about all the time. For me, it was one of the sweetest times in our marriage because we were completely vulnerable to those other couples. I was hurting so badly and they really walked us through some hard things. Well, and we agreed that we discovered a way to get unified and we began to put that into practice which we needed. I needed to figure out a way that I could reprogram the language even from declaring myself as the owner, wanting to try to corner the market on the possessions of the world to God being the owner. And that really set us on a whole new path. Yeah, I look back on that time thinking it was a simple principle that God owns everything and yet it changed our whole perspective. We were on the same page for the first time. Well, it broke the materialistic grip that the world had on me. I really wanted to not only make a lot of money, I wanted to show it. There was an arrogance about that.

I wanted to display it. If God owns everything and I'm not the owner, then that takes away the desire to be flashy. You were never flashy. You're still not flashy. No, I'm probably in the opposite. I want to just blend in with everything else. Yeah, you're humble. I don't know that I'm humble. It's probably insecurity more than anything else. So we began to put these principles into practice and I'm going to list a few of them. We can unpack them for other people to help how to put them into practice in their life. But to slow everything down, we developed the 24-hour rule. That was one of the first things that we did to really get a grip on this indulgent, fast-paced life that I had us on. That's true. Do you want to go back, though, a few years to how—I mean, we had to come to grips with how different we were, too. You were fast. And you were taking care of the bills at the very beginning of our marriage, right? Yeah, right. I took care of everything. I was working and also paying the bills, but I didn't really take that as seriously as I needed to. So I would frequently pay them late, or slow pay them, or juggle them, or figure out a way to borrow money if I needed to, to cover any gaps that we had. And so I would say it was pretty much a disaster. Is that what you're getting at? No, I just think it highlights how different we were. Just tell that one story. Do you mind sharing?

I had a newborn child. There's a knock at the door, and there's a man from the water company saying he's here to turn off the water. In the meantime, I get a phone call from, I think it was the electric company saying they were, or the gas company, I can't remember. They had already turned it off. And I said, oh, you know. The checks in the mail and so back then they would believe you yes, but we eventually had all of our utilities turned off I think in one day after the baby was born because I hadn't paid the bills on time and it did turn out that they were stuck in the mail chute right at the office which let me off the hook temporarily but the we were there was a lot of dysfunction there right and I basically it didn't bother me that it might affect our credit score to me it was all gonna work out and we'd figure out a way but anyway that's that's even before we came to crown so but that shows how different we were and coming to crown we finally got on the same page and we started practicing this 24-hour rule right and so if we want to make a major purchase we wait 24 hours at least 24 hours you can wait a lot longer than that but you want me to wait 24 hours and so what's a major purchase level for us oh probably now I don't know a couple hundred dollars yeah I mean it's it's actually lowered over the years to where we're even more careful so we discuss if we're gonna spend $200 and that's sort of our threshold and we try to wait 24 hours to decide do we really want it do we really need it can we live without it right and a lot of times we decide we can and so we have a filter a process that really helps us not to just impulsively buy the way I would be prone to I think another principle for us was dividing between offense and defense and it turns out your particularness your detail orientation your planning you're much better protecting our resources than I was so you are now in charge of paying the bills well it goes back to those early days when I was I became fearful and so I just felt a need to protect what we have yes I'd say that's another area

where we're very different I have a very optimistic outlook and you have much more of a cautious outlook on everything everything for you is you're a little bit skeptical right and you've got to feel it's absolutely certain before you can relax about it right so if I think the money's coming in and I tell you it's coming in in two weeks you'll wait and say after it's been in the bank for 24 hours I'll believe it right so this offense defense I took responsibility for just earning the money and overseeing the growth of the money you took responsibility for our budget for bill paying for getting us out of debt for taking care of all of the the things that I call it like in a sports analogy you were the goalie but I was out trying to score the goals and the points and you were protecting home base right and you took it turned out you're much better than that at that than me well I didn't want to pay anything like I hated to owe money ever so I think that you were wise in turning it over to me although sometimes I really hate the burden