Don’t Let Anger Control You | Pastor Steve Smothermon

That's it in our series battle ready. Here's what we're going to talk about. Everybody deals with anger. Everybody. I don't care how patient you are. I don't care how long you've been saved. At some point, you're going to get angry. Somebody lies to you. Somebody treats you unfairly. Somebody messes with your family. Or somebody cuts you off on I-25 and then has the nerve to slow down in front of you. If you're going to cut somebody off, just go, go for it. But at some point, you're going to get mad. You're going to get angry. And sometimes you have every reason to be angry. But here's the rub, here's the problem. When we believe our anger is justified, we start believing our behavior is justified too. That somehow, it's okay to act like this because of what somebody else did to me. And that's what it is in our society, in our culture, people's lives, I've watched it forever. And it's getting worse and worse how people react and respond and how they feel like they deserve that in their life. I deserve to be able to act this way because of what they did. They disrespected me so I disrespect them. They raised their voice so I raise mine. They hurt me so I hurt them back.

And when somebody calls us on it, what's the first thing we do? We start explaining what the other person did. We won't deal with us, you won't know why I'm this right because of that and that. And folks, there may be some reasons where like we are because of others, but when it comes to our day-to-day attitude, that's on you. You get to choose. I get to choose if I get mad at something or not. And a lot of times when we deal with this, we think that it's okay, like they made me mad so it's okay if I act like this. And it's not true. See, when we start explaining what the other person did, you'll say you don't understand what they said to me. You don't know what they did. See, somebody else's sin does not give you permission to sin as well. Ephesians 4 verses 26 and 27. And don't sin by letting anger control you. Now that's the Greek word, org. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. That's a different Greek word, parro-orgism, gizmos. Anger, it gives a foothold to the devil. Notice what Paul does not say. He does not say, he doesn't say don't give or get angry. He said just don't sin by letting anger control you. The word org, the reason I brought it out, is the feeling. Something happens and you feel it. Parro-gizmos is the feeding.

You keep stirring it, replaying it and sleeping on it. The feeling isn't the sin feeding it becomes the sin. And a lot of times that's what we do. Your marriage, your spouse says something sharp at dinner and it stings a little bit. Anybody ever had that happen? I don't know, only one. [ Laughter ] See, that's the feeling. It stings a little bit, that's the feeling. When you feed it, you go to bed without saying a word. You roll over and replay it all night long. Three days later, you're still giving them the cold shoulder. That's what he's talking about here, that we shouldn't feed this stuff. We should work through it and get it out of us as quick as possible. That's the truth, and let me say this to you. I see this on TV a lot now and I think it's pretty popular and we hear people say, if you're married, don't ever tell your husband or wife to go sleep on the couch. I mean, I think it's just wrong, like what? If you want me to sleep on the couch, just go sleep somewhere else, period. I've just never understood that. And if you're angry, well, we're mad at each other, so what? Getting bad. And then somehow the anger could leave quickly. I don't know, I'm just messing around. I had to sit down for that one. But think about it. We can't feed this stuff. There's enough junk in this world.

Things happen. We get mad. We get irritated. But man, you don't want to be an angry person. And sometimes we've allowed what someone else did to us to make us and keep us in anger. Why we think we're blaming them, it's really on us. That's why he said, don't let it control you. And if Paul says, don't let it control you, then it doesn't have to. I mean, we talk about little kids throwing fits. What about when adults throw fits? I mean, I've seen that too, anybody seen that? Like, they throw fits. Like, really? Like, we're not too. He says, don't sin by letting anger control you. My first point here is anger is not always sin, but anger can lead to sin. There are things that ought to make you angry. Evil ought to bother you. Injustice ought to bother you. When somebody takes advantage of the weak, something in you ought to rise up and say, that's not right. Why do you think we come against abortion so badly? Because who's supposed to defend the weak and helpless? We are people. And there are certain things that should get to us. Make us mad, you know, when COVID happened, I was so angry, people said, why?

Because I knew it was wrong. And I was shocked by how people responded. I was stunned how the church responded as a whole, just catering to them, fear-mongering, fearful, and acting like everybody knew everything and nobody knew anything. See, I can talk about it now, and if I don't catch myself, I'll get angry all over again. But I don't feed it. I don't like to talk about it. But we can control it. I don't want to be angry all the time. Man, that just makes life no fun. And there are people who are angry about everything, and they blame everyone for their anger. You know, that's what happens in marriages when a man starts abusing his wife. And I know women can abuse their husbands too. Don't get me wrong. But you'll hear this come out of their mouths. If you would act better, I wouldn't get so mad. If you would do better, I wouldn't have to do this. It's a lie from the pit of hell. That's just somebody unwilling to control themselves. They think so little of themselves, they're blaming somebody else because they're not esteeming them enough. It's sickening when I watch people control other people. Even in relationships and marriage, when I married my wife, it doesn't mean I own her.

She's still a free moral agent. Thank God she thinks. Because I wouldn't want to be married to someone that don't think. It'd be like, OK, after all this, what are we going to talk about? I mean, you know, that's what people think when they get married. You know, it's two minutes of fun, and then you got 23 hours and 57 minutes to talk. I'm not naming names. Oh, dang it. I'm just trying to preach this. I can't even get through it. But hey, don't get angry at me, though. Don't get angry. And Jesus got angry. He walked into a synagogue on the Sabbath. There was a man with a deformed hand, and the religious leaders were watching Jesus hoping he'd heal that man so they could accuse him. I mean, that's a heal him. Heal him so we can come against you. That's so dumb. Mark chapter three verses four and five. Then he turned to his critics and asked, does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it? But they wouldn't answer him. Some people get so religious, so hardcore, so that by the letter of the law that their hearts get hardened, they don't feel anything for anybody, they just want to be right.

And that religious spirit will destroy your life. I've seen it with other groups. I was saying a thing and someone we were talking about Catholicism and one lady looked at somebody that was with me and said, "He better, watch himself." I'm like, I'm having a discussion with somebody else, you know? But they get indignant. You can't see beyond your religious thinking, your mindset. There's no truth allowed to come in because you know what's right for everyone. And he was mad, got angry, saddened at their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, hold out your hand, so the man held out his hand and it was restored. Yeah, Jesus was angry, but his anger wasn't sin. He was angry because those leaders cared more about their rules than a hurting man standing right in front of them. See that's called righteous anger. But notice what Jesus was angry about. He wasn't angry because somebody disrespected him. He wasn't angry because somebody heard his feelings. He was angry because somebody was hurting and nobody cared. Most of our anger isn't like that, most of our anger is about us. So the problem isn't that you feel anger because you will. The problem is, what will you let your anger produce? What are you going to let it produce? We all get ticked off. I mean, you've been mad today, like a little, yeah. But we don't fester. You don't take it to bed with you. You don't just mull it over and stir it up. You get frustrated at work so you come home and take it out on your family. You get an argument with your spouse so you give them the silent treatment for three days. Somebody offends you so you tell everybody but them.

Did you know they offended me? Did you tell them? Nope. Then you shouldn't be telling anybody. And in our minds, it's all justified because we're angry. But being angry doesn't excuse being disobedient. Jesus is still Lord when you're frustrated. Jesus is still Lord when you've been mistreated. Jesus is still Lord when somebody did you wrong. And if Jesus is Lord of your life, then he's Lord of your anger also. See, don't let anger move in at all. Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry. Most people have heard people use this. Most people say, yeah, me and my wife got an argument, but we didn't let the sun go down. We talked it out. But most of the time when you're talking about the sun's already down, because you're not a radical through the day, you'd work, whatever. And then you come home and then the sun's already down now what? He went, I mean, we use it like that, I know we do. But reality was, he was like, don't let it fester. Don't let it stir. Don't keep thinking about it all night long and getting angrier and angrier and angrier. Let it go. Just let it go. It's not worth caring. And some of us have anger issues. We need help with anger. Some of us need the anger management so we can learn to control our anger and figure out why we're angry. Some of you may know, but you still got to work on it.

We shouldn't take out all of our frustrations on everybody else, especially the ones we're closest to, because some of us are nicer to strangers than we are to our own family. And folks, that oughtn't be the way it is. We should be gracious and good to our family, but you don't know my family, yeah. But you're part of it. So maybe someone says, I don't think you should meet this guy, I don't know. So we have to decide how we're going to live our lives. Paul said, don't let it control you. So obviously it doesn't have to. Let's see when he... That doesn't mean every disagreement has to be solved before you go to bed. Sometimes you need to step away and cool off to think differently. But Paul is saying anger is something you deal with, not something you entertain. Because the longer you hold on to anger, the easier it gets to justify holding on to it. You replay what they said. You think about what you should have said. You plan what you're going to say next time. And before long, you're having full blown arguments in the shower with somebody who isn't even there. Let me have done that. Come on. Maybe not in the shower, but you've done it. You're like, "I'm going to go on and on and they're not there." Anybody? Dang it, man. You guys are perfect. I don't know. And you play it over and over and your mind sounds so good because you win every argument. You win every one of them. And then you start saying it out loud to them.

And then it sounds like, "What the heck am I saying?" It sounded better in my head. And when I was running my mouth in the shower, then it doesn't reality. Something that happened in five minutes now eats up five hours of your life. And then five days, then five weeks, then five years. And that's why some of you can talk about something that happened five years ago, and your face still turns red. You still get mad. The offense happened in a moment, but you gave it a room in your house. Anger is not something you nurture, it's something you deal with and get rid of it. You have to talk to yourself, "I'm not going to get angry. I know when they do this, it irritates me." The person may know when they do something that irritates you, or someone hurts you. It doesn't mean you don't feel the anger, it just means you don't nurture it. You don't keep replaying it in your thinking over and over again those dirty dogs. Look what they did. I've done it. It hasn't helped one time. And we can do what we want, but Paul says, "Don't let it control you." And because we have God living inside of us, we can overcome any of this stuff. But the world is way too angry as a whole. Anger over everything. People will give away their freedom for so-called security. All these cameras that are around our city, I just relate it to communism. To some liberal, liberal, stinking, liberal mayors and city council members that think they can invade our privacy. That's why if you get one of those tickets, appeal it, appeal it, appeal it, appeal it, why? Because they won't know what to do with it. Or you can do what I do, file 13.

And I say it publicly because I think it's against our constitutional rights. You say, "Well, I say I can get mad about it because we voted all that stuff out." And they circumvented our vote because they don't believe in the Constitution. And then it's ruled by the people. And then they made it well, it's not criminal, it's civil. So that's why we can put them all back up. Help me all know where they're at. Well just know this. If you're about 1,500 feet before them, they're picking you up. So when you start to slow down right where you get them, you've been gotten. Or maybe you go so fast they can't read your license, well I don't know how it works. See Paul says anger gives a foothold to the devil. A foothold is a place, an opportunity. It's what a climber looks for. He doesn't need the whole wall, he just needs one little spot to put his foot to keep climbing. You think you're not responsible for what somebody else did to you. We are not responsible for what anybody did to us, but we are responsible for how we respond. And the devil would love to use somebody else's sin to lead you into disobedience. Hit love for your anger, direct your marriage. He'd love for your frustration to damage your kids. Hit love for one offense to end a friendship. And if we're going to be battle ready, we cannot keep entertaining the very things God told us to put away. Ephesians 431, are you ready? Get rid of, everybody say get rid of. All bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words,

and slander as well as all types of evil behavior. Get rid of it. Don't let it fester, Paul didn't say manage it. He didn't say justify it. He didn't say explain why you have the right to it. He said, get rid of it. So let me ask you, what are you allowing to remain that you should get rid of? Is there somebody you're still angry with? Is there something you keep replaying in your mind? Is there a conversation you won't have because you'd rather hold on to the offense? And maybe, every time I think of that, I think of what's that show with major pain. Maybe, baby, okay. Maybe anger has become so normal to you that you don't even see it anymore. It's just how you talk to your spouse. It's just how you talk to your kids, talk to your friends. But normal doesn't make it right. James 1, verses 19 and 20, understand this, my dear brothers and sisters, you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. You cannot produce righteousness by being unrighteous. Point four, replace anger with obedience. Paul doesn't just tell us what to get rid of. He tells us what goes in its place, Ephesians 4.32. Instead, you get rid of all the stuff in the verse 31,

but verse 32, instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another just as God through Christ has forgiven you. And I want to say this again. Being tenderhearted and kind does not mean weak and wimpy. In fact, it really kind of means the opposite. 'Cause if you own enough of yourself to know, "Hey, I'm gonna be gracious here, kind." And then other times, man, I'm gonna take a stand right here. But here's what I know. Some of you will leave here tonight and something will happen that parking lot or something will happen on the road and you're gonna get angry. So then you have an opportunity to say, "I'm not gonna let it fester. "I'm just gonna let that car, whatever they did." I don't care. Or so you're gonna get a phone call. Someone's gonna say something. And you're gonna get angry. And you're gonna feel justified because I wish they wouldn't talk to me like that. They do. See, we can't control what they do, but you can control what you do. And because God lives in us by his spirit, we have the power within us by God to overcome any of this stuff. Any of it.

I'm surprised the world of psychology or has not just labeled anger period as a mental illness. So everybody can go take something for it. Paul doesn't say be kind when they're kind to you. He doesn't say forgive when they apologize. He says forgive just as God through Christ has forgiven you. That's the foundation of it all. Every one of us has sinned against God. If you didn't know it, you have. Every one of us has fallen short in this room and Jesus didn't die for us because we deserved it. He died for us because of his great love and mercy that he had on us. Now, forgiving somebody doesn't mean what they did was right. It doesn't mean there are no consequences. It doesn't mean trust is automatically restored. It doesn't mean you stay in a harmful situation. It doesn't mean that. [BLANK_AUDIO] If you're if you're at home and your husbands are beating you, you don't deserve that. I don't care what they say you've done And here's what happens once they do it once they'll come back and apologize Then they'll do it again and keep apologizing and we think man. They're going to get it right. They're going to stop God does not want you in a harmful situation And if you're here man and your wives are fighting you and beating on you That shouldn't happen either Violence in relationships is never the answer You me on the street you me fighting wars, whatever. That's a different thing, but just in our homes. I Just don't understand it I just think that if we would ever come to the reality of the scriptures and say god, I'm gonna work on that Well, she made me he made me

They made me. Uh-huh. You chose your own attitude You chose to get angry or you chose to let it go and we can be angry for a moment That's the feeling right someone says something bad. It's like ah, and then you let it go Why am I gonna let people own me? I Mean our country's willing to put people in office and Give give their freedoms away. Why don't you give your freedoms away? You never get it back And we're living in a cross-road situation The Mexico's the worst at everything and we keep voting people back in that are making it worse. I mean we're already last And then we wonder why things don't change because they're not good people None of them We should want to help people we should want to release people with their and give them freedoms that the Constitution gives The one person said our constitutional rights aren't guaranteed See that's the problem. They don't even know who we are. I was reading them somebody I forget the other day And they said, you know, so-and-so is ruining our democracy. Well if we were democracy, then I think he could ruin ruin it We're rep we're republic. I said you're so dumb. You don't even know what we are and you're in office We are republic There's a difference Republic is ruled by the people and democracies ruled by the leaders That's why they keep using that term And we've got to decide how we're gonna live our life all those things can make me angry Murdering babies makes me angry, but I'm not gonna let it fester. I'm not gonna be an angry person I'm gonna be a chilled person. I'm gonna be a person that likes to have fun and laugh Not one that's angry all the time But it's just just not healthy anyway And why do we want to be angry all the time? No one likes you if you're angry all the time Well, they may love you because they have to But then I then I'm gonna like you And We've got to teach our children to control their anger, too

But it does mean That offense and offense doesn't get to run your life anymore if you're willing to do what Paul said Put this stuff away get rid of it and the question isn't whether you have a reason to be angry The question is whether you'll obey Jesus in your anger He's Lord over your words He's Lord over your attitude. He's Lord over your relationships And he is Lord over how you respond when somebody wrongs you Folks all of us and you have been done wrong. How do we respond? Most of the time I've just we just are gracious like okay, whatever Sometimes it's like man. I want to get my Whatever and fight, you know We I'm just tired of it But what anger really does is destroy you You can you can hurt people and help destroy them with your anger or you can recognize it and say I'm gonna get control over it There was a gentleman. I don't know if he's still here serving but years ago When we first opened the dome we would if you came in late you'd have to sit up in that section We wouldn't let you come all the way to the bottom because it just disturbed so many people and So one of our ushers he got born again start ushering was an anger management Like I think his wife said you got to be an anger management. We're gonna we're gonna work on that you can just have a seat anywhere up here, that'd be fine." He goes, "No, I'm going to walk all the way down there." The usher looked at him and said, "Sir, I can't let you do that. Just have a seat here. You're going to disrupt everybody else walking down there." He said, "No, I'm going down there." And then the usher said, "No, sir, you're not." He goes, "Okay, buddy. A, you watch me walk down there, or B, I kick your butt." Right up there.

Well, I love Dara Usher. Usher said, "I'll take option B right now." And I said, "What happened?" And they said, "He sat right down." This is in church. And then he kind of was up saying, "Oh, no, I'm an angers man. What's my wife going to say?" Then they told me, "I wanted to high-five." I said, "High-five the guy. Thank God." That kind of anger was okay. But the guy gave him two options. "Hey, you watch me walk, or B, I'll whip your buddy." He said, "I'll take option B." I don't know if people know how to -- they think they can talk any way they want in church until you meet some dude in the church that's like, "What did you just say?" I might be saved, but we're going to do some laying on of hands with no prayer. They're not going to be any prayer. I said that without being angry. The answer to anger isn't just learning to control your emotions. It's surrendering your life to the Lord, including what you do when you're angry. Paul said, "Don't let the sun go down." So before the sun goes down tonight, which is already down, make the call, send the text. Get on your knees and say, "God, I need help with this. I'm giving this to you. I'm going to work it that this is not going to control my life any longer." Don't take it to bed with you one more night. Don't give it room. Don't give it a night, and don't give it a foothold, because if we do that anger will turn into bitterness, and then when you're bitter, it destroys every part of your life.

Every aspect of your life is involved. And so we, if we're going to be bad already, we have to learn to control our anger. It doesn't mean you're not going to feel angry. It doesn't mean you're not going to get angry. But how do you handle it? How do you deal with it? Paul says to get rid of it, and Paul got mad, too, but he didn't stay that way. He kicked what Mark out of his thing and said, "I'll never work with him again." I just think that if we think, "Well, I'm never angry," I mean, if we're living life, something's going to anger us. Something's going to irritate you. You go to a movie, and someone talks in front of you the whole movie, that's going to irritate you. I mean, just things happen in life. But if we're going to walk around as the victim and be like, "I've earned a right to my anger. I deserve my anger," you've missed the whole thing that God's trying to teach us here. Because when you get angry sometimes, and you don't know how to control it, that's when people say, "Man, they live and regret." I don't know. I just got angry, and I did it. I reacted, and they regret it for the rest of their lives. So we got to work on this. One of us needs to work on it more than others, but man, we just can't keep rehearsing what someone did, what someone said. Folks, people are mean. The devil's real. I don't know. I've said it many times. If you want to offend me, take a number, stand up, do your best.

I've been called about everything a person can get called. And most of us are not even half true. Some of it's deserved. Just got to admit it, you're like, "You know, but we can control that." Not because we're strong-willed, but because God lives in us. And by His Spirit, by the power of God that lives in us, by the Holy Spirit, we can overcome. Because when you get angry, you don't think right, and that's the reality. So some of us just got to stay calm and chill. They're trying to get your goat. I know, but I'm not going to let them get my goat, whatever that means. Like, "You get my goat, buddy. We're going to fight, but I'm not going to let you get it. I'm going to hide it." I mean, these things, I wonder where they came from. The Bible when the Bible says He's not talking about that night. He's talking about don't let it fester. We're not gonna do that. We're not gonna be angry people. We're gonna be people who are willing to deal with stuff, though. And sometimes you're gonna get mad and lose your cool. But there's a certain point when you have to say that's as far as this goes. Father in Jesus' name, I thank you for being here with us tonight. I thank you for helping people. Everybody online, everybody in the house. Everybody on our other campuses. That you bless them.

The Father that, as I was teaching, I believe the spirit of God was dealing with all of our hearts and minds. And we're seeing an area, I gotta work on this area. I gotta work on this area. Man, I'm gonna, God, with your help, I'm giving this to you. I'm gonna learn to control my anger. And I'm not gonna let things get to me like they have been. And I'm gonna work on that and with your help all overcome. But maybe we're aware of it now, that you can. You don't have to stay angry. God didn't create you to be angry. There's a righteous anger that deals with the issue at hand. But we don't keep it. We don't fester it, let it get infected in our souls. Father, help us all to overcome this. Help us to understand it. So we can more readily deal with it in Jesus' name. If you're here with every head bowed, just for the next few moments, you'd say pastor Steve. Would you include me in your prayer? I walk with God, but I walked away and I got mad. I did get angry. I got angry at God himself. He could've did this and that and that. Folks, you can't be angry at God 'cause he never does anything wrong and never has and never will. Everything he does is right. We may not like it, but he's still God. So no matter what happened, that you got angry at God,

it's time to let that go. Say, God, forgive me and he will. And so I wanna get right with you and he will receive you. Oh, you hear and you say, "Pass, would you pray with me?" I've never asked Jesus to be the Lord of my life. I believe in the Bible, I believe in God. I even like the church. But I've never asked him to be Lord. I've never submitted to his Lordship and said, "Okay, my whole life is yours." Everything about it, everything that encompasses is yours, Lord. Even my attitudes and God will help you. Does it mean you'll be perfect overnight? Nope, but it means you could be moving in the right direction. If that's you right where you're seated and you say, "Pass, would you include me in your prayer?" I'm asking you to do this one simple thing, are you ready? And really what you're doing is saying, "God, I want you in my life." Pastor Steve, would you include me in your prayer? Write at your seat, are you ready? Would you just lift your hand all over this place? Thank you, God bless you, God bless you. God bless you, I see those hands, God bless you. God bless you, God bless you over here. Thank you, God bless you. See the hands, wait a minute. God bless you, God bless you, God bless you. God bless you, God bless you. All those folks up there.

God bless you. I'm just looking around. You put up your hand, you put it down. This between you and God, nobody can get saved for you. Nobody can get right with God for you. I've had people tell me, "Well, my grandparents are Christians." Yeah, they're going to heaven, but if you're not a Christian, you don't get to go with them. You have to believe in your heart and confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus. And some of us got to let our anger go enough to realize that I need to get right with God. So I'm gonna look across one more time. I'm gonna look at the top section. Anybody else up there, says pastor, include me in your prayer. Thank you, God bless you. God bless you, I see those hands, God bless you. Just looking around, God bless you, God bless you. I'm the bottom, God bless you, I see that hand. God cares, that's all I know to tell you. Father in the powerful name of Jesus, you saw all those hands. I thank you for each one. And you know everything about them. You know their name. You know everything about them. And you're still drawing them into your family. So God please bless them.

Have peace and allow the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, permeate their hearts and minds right now. And God I'm asking you to show yourself strong in their behalf. That they would truly come to know you and know your ways in Jesus' name. If you lifted your hand, I'm gonna ask that you pray this prayer aloud with me right where you seated. Loud enough for your ears to hear your voice. I'm gonna ask everybody in here to join us. should have, please let me introduce you to Jesus, he's the Savior of the world, he's the only one that can help you. Would you pray this, pray with me aloud, would you pray God? I choose to believe in your son Jesus, and I believe he is your only son, and you raised him from the dead to give me a new life. So according to your word, I believe that in my heart, and now I willingly confess, with my mouth, Jesus be Lord of my life. Thank you for helping me, for saving me, and for always for giving me in Jesus' name. Amen and amen and amen.