Why Most Relationships Don't Last- Chris Lindberg

Good morning, everyone. So awesome to have you with us again today. From Life Fellowship Church here in McKinney. Right there on your tablet and whatever facility that you're in. It's an amazing blessing. This this this Pando app that we can come and pour into you and speak into you and we want you to feel like you're part of this church family. My name's Logan Williams. My TDC number is 1490218. I have four numbers after that. I went around and around and around the system for many years, did nine and a half years total. I just say that because I want to relate to you. I don't know what part of the process you're in, whether you just got booked in and you're in county jail right now trying to figure out what this is going to look like or maybe you've been in for a long time and you're just trying to figure out if you're ever going to make parole. Man, I get it. I know all of those

feelings and I can just tell you that anything is possible with God. With man, not all things are possible with God. Anything is possible. And he got a hold of me and changed my life. He changed my life. He'll change your life too. I promise. We just have to get all in with him. It's the greatest gift that there ever is, what he did on that cross for us and just simply believing, believing in that. Hey, tell your friends and family, they can download the same Pando app on their phone. They can watch the same messages that you watch. Y'all can discuss it, talk about it, do this walk together. Even though you're behind bars, you can now walk together because of this Pando app. You can watch the same stuff and and talk about it with the Holy Spirit speak to you through that message, son. You can lead your kids being behind bars. Don't believe that you can't because you can. Christ can get a hold

of you, change you. And just because you're locked up does not mean you can't be salt and light in your family. It's an amazing thing. Um, but we got to believe that you got to believe that for it to come to fruition. Um, and don't forget to to like uh and subscribe to the Life Fellowship so you don't miss any of our stuff as we, as it comes out. We know you don't want to. I just posted like an hour and a half of just LF worship on there and I know you guys love the worship. Um, but if you're not subscribed, you might miss that. And I know you don't want to miss it. So, uh, but anyway, guys, I love you. I, um, I just want to encourage you. I know the year's winding down. A new year is is kicking back off. Um, you know, people have a tendency to make these new year's resolutions or hey, man, this year I'm going to do things different or hey, man, I'm going to, you know, be

different somehow. I was just thinking about, you know, all the times that I was locked up, you know, and I went to a church service, an open church service, but I was just checking the boxes. I wasn't trying to live different. I wasn't trying to wage war, get sin. I wasn't trying to live a righteous life. I just wanted to check the boxes so that I could say I went to church, but I didn't want to live any differently. And there were many times that I heard a very powerful message and I was like, wow, that was great. Like, and it really touched me in that moment. But yet a week later, 10 days later, I'm right back doing the same things again. And it's like, I think about a, like a pig, right? You can take a pig and you can, you can spray him off and give him a bath and make him smell good. Um, but, but as soon as he turned him loose, he's going to run right back to the mud. And

the reason why is because he's a pig, like that's his nature. And so we can hear all these messages. We can, we can make all these resolutions and have all these ideas. But like, if Jesus doesn't, if his Holy Spirit doesn't enter into us and change us the nature of who we are, we're just going to run right back to the mud because, because we're pigs. We're inherently, if we don't change, we're just going to go right back to it. I don't care how good the messages that you hear are. I don't care how, um, how, how resolute you are about, Hey, we got a new year coming and this year I'm not going to do this or this year I'm going to be different or this year I'm going to be better. Man, if Christ, if his Holy Spirit doesn't enter into us and change us from the inside out, man, anything we're doing is just, it's just white knuckling. So, man, I want to encourage you to, to, to see.

him, pray, cry out to God in that regard. Man, God, change me from the inside out. I was looking at 1 John this morning, pretty challenging scripture. It was in chapter five, starting in verse one. It says, everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has become a child of God. That's awesome. I believe Jesus is a Christ. I've become a child of God. That's pretty, pretty simple. It says, and everyone who loves the father loves his children too. Now that gets a little more challenging, especially in the, in the circumstances that you guys are in, you're around some very unlovable people, but Hey man, everyone is a child of God. And it says it right here in verse two, chapter five of 1 John that we know we love. It says, sorry. And everyone who loves the father loves his children too. So if you say that you love God, there needs to be an outpouring of love towards the people around us. Even the unlovable people. That's what the, that's what the scripture is saying. It says, we know we love God's children. If we love God and obey his commands. So it's like this loop. It's like, okay. Everyone who believes in Jesus has become a child of God. And everyone who loves a father loves his children. We know we love God's children. If we love God and obey his command. So it's like, he's giving us like this loop, like all these things have to be happening. All three of those things. It can't be two out of three. Um, and then verse three is challenging. Loving God means keeping his commandments, keeping his commandments. What are his commandments there? They're in the word, you know, it's, it's, it's fighting against sin. It's loving your neighbor as yourself. It's thinking of others before yourself. These are hard things to do, especially in the places that you're at, but if you can somehow put them into practice there, I'm telling you, you'll be miles ahead when you get out. But then it doesn't stop there. It says, loving God means keeping his commandments comma and his commandments are not burdensome. That's, that's the sentence that challenged me this morning. If the things that God are asking us to do are burdensome to us, we really need to check our salvation. Doesn't it? Because it says, if we love God, we were going to, we're going to keep his commands and they're not going to be burdensome. So man, if, if it's hard for me not to do some of these things, or if it's hard for me to do some of the things that he's asking me to do, according to the word of God, maybe I don't love God. Like I think I do, or maybe I've, I've put something else in the place of God. Maybe I've got an idol in my life that I need to dethrone and put God back on the throne. It can happen very subtly. The enemy is very slick in that, you know, he'll just get us focused on

one little thing. That's not bad. It's actually a good thing. An idol is just when a good thing becomes the ultimate thing. And so we can be focused on a good thing. It could be ministry, but if that becomes the ultimate thing, slowly, slowly, slowly over time, then the next thing, you know, it's on the throne and we don't even realize it because it was a slow, slow, slow thing. It's like, we're walking with God. This is me. This is God. And then I get off course a little bit. Now, right here in the first few weeks, I'm still pretty close to God. So I can't really notice it, but if I walk it out a while, six months, nine months, a year down the road, I'm miles apart from God. And I don't even, I didn't even realize that was happening because it was such a slow process. So a way we can tell if that's happening is if keeping his commandments are a burden to us, because it's saying right here in verse three, that his commandments won't be a burden. If we love him, he says, we will keep his commandments and they won't be a burden that challenged me this morning. That challenged me this morning. Verse four, for every child of God defeats this evil world. And we achieve this victory through our faith. Man, it all comes down to faith, right? God, give me more faith. Give me a bigger measure of faith. This is a prayer that I pray often. And this is a prayer that many of you in the situation that you're at should probably pray as well. I know that be encouraged. God can take any situation and turn it for the good. God can take, he took my situation that was just like yours and turned it for the good to where I can now speak into people's lives that were incarcerated. He's using it as a weapon. The very thing that you hate right now, the very bane of your existence, the darkest of the dark is going to be your weapon, man, in the future. future for you to take ground for the kingdom and make much of his name. And so I want you to be encouraged and consider these things. If it's a burden to keep God's commands, maybe you need to check and see if there's something else on the throne or check and see if there's something else that you love more than you love God. And that's a hard exercise to do.

So I need people around me. So I need people around me. Let me pray for you guys. Heavenly Father, we just thank you so much for technology, for the Pando app, for just the ability to come and encourage and speak to these men and women. And they're my heart because I've been in their shoes. I know all the feelings that they're having. I know the feeling of getting a year set off. I know the feeling of getting offered 25 years. I know the feeling of, gosh, man, am I ever gonna get out of here? Are things ever gonna change? Is this it? Is this just my life? I know all those feelings, God. And I know you know those feelings too, because I know that if things matter to us, that they also matter to you. And so God, I pray that you would let these men and women know how much you love them, that you see them even in the situation that they're in. And God, I pray that you would change them from the inside out, that your Holy Spirit would come into their hearts and make them a completely different creature, turn them from a pig into a whatever, so that they don't run back to the mud, change the nature of who they are, God,

and give them the wisdom to show them what they need to do, what they need to pray, how they need to navigate and move forward to have that happen. I know that you'd like us to partner with you. You'd like us to, we have to try. We're not gonna be perfect, but we have to try to be perfect. We have to attempt to have a perfect life, because that's the only way we're gonna make any progress towards waging war against our sin and not doing the things that grieve your heart. And so God, I pray that you would bless them, bless their families, God, that this new year would be a new start for many of them, and that you let them know that you see them and that you love them, and that you have a plan and a purpose for their life, God, that they cannot fathom or imagine, that's greater than anything they can think, ask or imagine. And so God, we love you. We thank you. We give you all the praise and glory. In Jesus' name, amen. Who's house? God's house. Let's give him some praise. God, a little bitıyoruz. Let's give him some praise folks.

Let's pray. Glory to you, Jesus. Thank you, thank you God. Thank you. Thank you Christ we have become these great people. And I thank you for your polish heart that you give to every sin he's committed. Thank you for your love. Byzantine of the Pentecostal Church, and all across the room, can we just close our eyes and just focus our attention on Jesus. I believe the Lord is going to speak and do something in this place today. But we must open our hearts to receive what it is he wants to do. So come on let's just set our hearts. Jesus we love you, we worship you Jesus. Jesus we love you, we worship you Jesus. We welcome your presence Lord. We worship you Lord. Let your glory fill the temple today Jesus. We make ourselves available for you Jesus. Our hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but only trust in Jesus. Come on can we sing this together, my hope is built, yeah, come on. My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust, I dare not trust, the sweetest faith, but holy trust in Jesus name, but holy trust in Jesus name, we trust you Jesus, come on sing Christ alone, Christ alone, yeah Cornerstone, league made strong, in the Saviour's love, through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all Lord, Lord, could I trust in you Jesus? Come on, when darkness seeth, come on. When darkness seeth to hide his face, I rest on his. I rest on his unchanging grace. In every high and stormy gale. In every high and stormy gale. My anchor holds within the veil. Come on. My anchor holds within the veil. We put our anchor in you, Jesus. My anchor holds within the veil. Oh, Christ the Lord. Come on. Cornerstone. Oh, weak but strong. And the Savior's love through the storm. He is Lord. You're the Lord of all. Come on, I need y'all to really sing this. Come on, we sing Christ the Lord. Christ the Lord. You're my cornerstone. Weak but strong. And the Savior's love through the storm. He is Lord. You're the Lord. Oh, Lord.

Oh, yeah. You're unloadable. We trust you. We put our hope in you, Jesus. You were never fell off. You were our cornerstone. Cornerstone. We love you, Jesus. When we shall come with trumpet sound. Yes, Lord. Oh, may I then in him be found. Yes, Lord. Dressed in his righteousness. For this I stand before the throne. Let's sing this again. When he shall come with trumpet sound. Yes, Lord. Oh, may I then in him be found. Yes, Lord. Dressed in his righteousness. For this I stand before the throne. Yes, Lord. I stand before the throne. Christ alone. Christ alone. Cornerstone. Oh, we believe. In the Savior's love. Through the storm. He is Lord.

Oh, yeah. You're unloadable. Come on, sing Christ alone. Oh, Christ alone. Cornerstone. We command strong. In the Savior's love. Oh, through the storm. He is Lord. Lord of all. You're unloadable. You're unloadable. You're unloadable. When I'm weak, you are Lord of all. Through every situation, you are Lord of all. When I'm weak, you are Lord of all. Through every storm. You are Lord of all. Come on, he's reminding somebody in this moment that he's Lord of all. Come on, lay that situation down at his feet, he's your cornerstone. Yeah. Come on, give it to him in this moment. Yeah. When we're weak, he's made strong. So receive the strength of the Lord in this moment. Christ the cornerstone. Weak made strong. In the Savior's hand. Through the storm, he is Lord of all. I was a wretch.

I remember who I was. I was lost. I was blind. I was running out of time. Sin separated. The breach was far too wide. But from the far side of the chasm, you held me in your side. So you made a way across the great divide. Left behind heaven's throne to build it here inside. And there at the cross, you paid the debt I owe. Broke my chains, freed my soul. For the first time I had hope. Thank you, Jesus, for the blood applied. Thank you, Jesus, it has washed me wide. Thank you, Jesus, you have saved my life. You brought me from the darkness into glorious light. Yes, you have. Yes, you have. And you took my place, laid inside my tomb of sin. You were buried for three days. But then you walked right out again. And now death has no destiny. And life has no end. For I have been transformed by the blood of the Lamb. Thank you, Jesus, for the blood applied. Thank you, Jesus, it has washed me wide. Thank you, Jesus, you have saved my life. You brought me from the darkness into glorious light. Let's sing that again. Thank you, Jesus, for the blood applied.

Thank you, Jesus, it has washed me wide. Thank you, Jesus, you have saved my life. You brought me from the darkness. Glorious is the night And there is nothing stronger Than the wonder-working power of the night The night Because the sons and daughters Will be arisen by the Father through the night The night And there is nothing stronger Than the wonder-working power of the night The night Because the sons and daughters Will be arisen by the Father through the night The night And there is nothing stronger Than the wonder-working power of the night The night And there is nothing stronger Than the wonder-working power of the night The night And there is nothing stronger Than the wonder-working power of the night Thank you, Jesus It has washed me white Thank you, Jesus You have saved my life You brought me from the darkness Into glorious light

Yes, you have, yes you have I want to get that to you I want to ask the team to sing that chorus again Just softly, thank you, Jesus Come on, can we lift our hands in worship? Thank you, Jesus For the blood applied Thank you, Jesus It has washed me white Thank you, Jesus You have saved my life You brought me from the darkness Into glorious light Thank you, Jesus You have saved my life You brought me from the darkness Into glorious light Thank you, Jesus You have saved my life You brought me from the darkness Thank you, Jesus You have saved my life You brought me from the darkness Into glorious light Thank you, Jesus You have saved my life You brought me from the darkness You have saved my life And the blood Washes away our sins

We thank you, Father, for your blood Jesus, for your son, the blood that you poured out, washes away all of our sins. Let's receive that together. Father, we remember, we remember the price you pay. We don't take it lightly, Lord. Father, we're grateful, Father, for sending Jesus. We love you, Lord. In your name we pray, amen. If you would, stay in this posture of worship as we continue into this next song. ♪ All the saints and angels ♪ ♪ They bow before your throne ♪ ♪ And all the elders cast their crowns before the Lamb of God ♪ ♪ Sing, and all the saints and angels, they bow before your throne ♪ ♪ And all the elders cast their crowns before the Lamb of God ♪ ♪ Sing, you're worthy of it all, you're worthy of it all ♪ ♪ For from you are all things, and to you are all things ♪ ♪ You deserve the glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory ♪ ♪ You deserve the glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory ♪ Come on, Church, let's sing it out, sing. ♪ All the saints and angels, sing, all the saints and angels ♪ ♪ Bow before your throne, yeah, and all the elders cast their crowns ♪ ♪ Before them, oh, I say, you are worthy of it all, you are worthy of it all, yeah ♪ ♪ For Christ, you are on me, and true, you are on me, and true, you are on me ♪ ♪ Jesus, Lord, you are worthy of it all, come on, sing it ♪ ♪ You are worthy of it all, oh, yeah, and you are worthy of it all, oh Jesus ♪ ♪ For my beloved, oh, true, you are on that, you deserve the glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory. So you carry this on yourself and you bring glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, words, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, glory Gosh, thank you!

glory, glory, glory, glory, glory, God bless you! Give me your honor, give me your praise, give me your worship, you're the glory of Jesus, midnight, midnight and day. You are worthy of it all. Can we do that one more time? You are worthy of it all All the praise Worthy of it all Worthy of it all For the Father And to you I believe Jesus, you You deserve the glory Jesus, we love you We honor you And Jesus, you deserve it all You are so worthy to be praised, Jesus In Jesus' name, Church, we say Amen What an honor it is, right? To give the King and Kings And the Lord of Lords the best praise God bless you, Church Listen, if you're new here At Life Fellowship Church We'd like to encourage you to text NEW to 51010 You may be seated in the presence of the Lord God bless you Thank you Thank you Well, hey everybody Good to have you with us today

I can't believe it You survived Isagetan Unbelievable Man, I'm glad you're here I missed you all Missed you last week, you know And so, just glad you're here We are kicking off a brand new series Called Kiss and Tell In fact, if you're with your sweetie today Come on, why don't you give her a kiss Right now, all across this place Let there be some kisses going on Yeah I think this is going to be a rowdy service I'm just telling you We're going to have fun I want to welcome our Church Online family Our Anna Campus As well as all of the men and women In all of our Department of Corrections Around America Come on everybody Would you just make them all feel welcome today Would you just tell them all God bless you guys Right on Well, hey As you're pulling up your message notes That are on your Life Fellowship app

Let me just bring your attention To an incredible opportunity For all of my business leaders It's called Legacy Leadership Dallas We have four of these gatherings That we do corporately together Throughout the year The next one happens in just a few weeks from now I'm going to ask you to get your tickets Angela Borg is going to be speaking She is an Executive Coach Of Fortune 500 C-Level Executives And she's going to be tackling The topic of How do you manage A dual Income relationship In a marriage Like you're both working You both have all of the responsibilities How do you manage your family Your life, your kids And not just lose your mind There are all kinds of tables that are being filled up People are purchasing entire tables And I'm just challenging you If you know somebody that is in the business world Bring them out to be a part of it Get your tickets We're catering Hutchins BBQ

And it's going to be a fantastic Networking opportunity That's going to add so much value To your life Now today we're kicking off A six week series That we are calling Listen, tell We're going to study verse by verse Through the song of Solomon It's been about two years Maybe longer since I've done a series On relationships And I just want to say this Whether you're single You're married You're married again Maybe you're walking through some difficulty In your marriage I want to challenge you to be a part of all six weeks Because there's going to be something God's going to do It's going to give you new values New passion, new romance It's going to give my singles Those of you that are dating and engaged The right directives So that you can pick the right person So your life can be blessed Because when you get your relationships right It seems like everything else in your life

Starts working in the right way And so before we start this series I want to give honor to a great pastor in America. His name is Pastor Tommy Nelson. He is probably the foremost authority on the book of Song of Solomon and I've I've looked at a lot of his research. I've studied his work And i've added my own and I think that you're going to really enjoy this journey So it's a couple years ago That there was this phenomenon that happened through America and it was called the ice bucket challenge How many of you did the ice bucket challenge come on put your hands up Did you do it you did the ice bucket challenge Remember that I mean it was cool It was viral and then it was gone And I think that's what a lot of relationships turn out to be like And they start off with this big spark and then before you know it the fuel is gone and things just fizzle on out And I think that all of my singles that are in the house that you're looking for the one You know this to be true because if you've ever been to an online dating site You're going to know that there's going to be a lot of different profiles that are out there They're going to be telling you something about themselves that oftentimes are far From the truth. So for example, if you ever see a guy that says that he is 40-ish How many of you all know? That means he's actually 52 and If a girl says no drama, please how many of you all know she brings the drama And if a guy says man, I love uh adventure that's a guy that went hiking once Back in 2019, you know and And and and if you ever find a girl that says man, I love communication. I love deep. That's a girl. That's just gonna just talk Talk talk talk talk blah blah blah blah blah And any of you ladies that are upset at me right now for talking about the lady that talks all the time. It's you

Or if you meet the guy online that says i'm huggable it means he's 50 pounds overweight and his back looks like a grizzly bear Or if you find this girl that says I love candlelight dinners it typically means It typically means that she looks best In candlelight So we're gonna have a lot of fun it's gonna be great, uh, we're gonna study through this married couple Solomon and the shulamite woman as they look back over their life And they're gonna see what it was that brought the two of them together to form this godly foundation of marriage And the very first verse I want to show you is actually one i've had tatum memorize in five different translations And it's this it says let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth For your love is more delightful than wine and uh, i'm so glad that you've done that honey that that's really a That's admirable of you So we're gonna study through this couple and it's gonna it's gonna really help us all And so really no matter where you're at in your relational journey Uh, if you'll have an open heart to this today's message i've worked really hard to make sure that It's gonna it's gonna touch your life and be applicable to you no matter where you're at on this spectrum And I want to actually address the four different qualities that make attraction last And here's the first one if you're taking notes and that's this They didn't chase the look they chose the character in other words She wasn't just a hottie with the body They chose to focus on Godly character. In fact, she talks about it here. Notice this she says Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes You're what? Your name Is like perfume poured out in fact some translations actually say that it is

It translates as purified expensive oil No wonder the maidens love you So back then baths were really rare And so what they would do is they would take these perfumes these oils and they would put it all over their body So it would mask the bad smell So what she's saying is you're like those perfumes you like those special special oils like man, it's pure It's right. You got character. That's beautiful. It's Attractional no wonder all the girls Want you? No wonder which I would say it like this, um girls ladies make sure That when you are looking for your man, you make sure that you don't look for the charm look for the character. I Have been shocked. My heart has been saddened throughout these years as I have watched so many great gals that have chose so many Terrible guys, I mean guys that are deadbeats guys that just abused them They criticize them they have no job. They have no drive. They have no future and yet the girls say well You don't know him like I do Yeah, but your entire friends and family network say he's a psycho And you keep seeing all this potential in him. You're just trying to be a rescuer of him And and and and this is something that I think that we've got to be careful of because ladies if I can be real Look for a guy that has godly character To what you say? Well, how do I know if he has that character? Look at his friends The Bible says in Proverbs that a man is known by the friends that he keeps Guys, look at her friends because like attracts like Always so if she says she's miss spiritual and all of her friends are out partying hard every weekend Something's not adding up Now I'm not saying that some of her friends aren't going to be crazy They probably will be But who are the ones that are close to her that are shaping? her soul

So I'll say it like this. In fact, I'm going to make you a hardcore promise If you choose to marry somebody that does not have a godly foundation The odds will ever be against you Foundation the odds will ever be in your favor that someday that they are going to crush your heart In fact the Bible says in Proverbs it says that a wife of noble noble what Character is her husband's crown but a disgraceful wife is like a decay in his bones So here's the progression let's just trace it she meets him and the very first thing that she notices is his his reputation Like he's a man of character. He's pure. He's right and that draws her to him And now she begins to open up to him, which by the way, let me just remind you ladies She doesn't just vomit her whole life story out him at him on their first date She begins to move towards him because the second law of attraction is this that they built godly trust slowly and intentionally In fact, I want you to watch here as this This girl here begins to open up to Solomon all about her insecurities It says this in verse number five Dark, am I? Yet lovely Oh daughters of jerusalem dark like the tents of qadar like the tent curtains of solomon So you might be wondering what are those things all about? So these were very dark tents that would attract the sunlight during the day so that at night The people would get around them and they would experience the warmth of these curtains And so she's exposing her insecurities right here She says do not stare at me because I am dark Because I am darkened by the sun Actually, my mom my mom's sons were angry with me and they made me take care of the vineyard So they forced her to go outside and work in the vineyards work outside all day long And then she says my own vineyard I have neglected And what we're going to discover is that all throughout this book whenever she talks about her own vineyard She's talking about her own body

She's saying I had to go work out in the fields all day long and because I did that I got sunburned it messed with my skin. I don't feel beautiful. I feel Incredibly insecure So this was back in a day that the lighter that a person's skin was it was considered more beautiful today People pay a lot of money To go get a tan so that they can get cancer early right and look like a suitcase before the age of 40 But she was feeling incredibly insecure about who she was and men you need to understand something please hear me Every girl that you meet The one that you think is perfect The one you think that has no flaws whatsoever Every woman men the wife that you married every woman is insecure about something about their body every single one of them And it is your job to love them through their insecurities She was insecure about her skin and This man comes along and he loves her through her insecurity in fact when I first met Tatum I Thought she was perfect and she is pretty perfect. I'll just tell you that right now She is that good. I am not that good. She is that good. I tell people all the time It's not easy being married to an angel. You know I'm saying You got that little halo that glows at night Got those wings that are flapping and hitting you in the face and all that stuff But come to find out after a few years She had an insecurity and it was the fear of rejection And a lot of that was shaped through a very difficult divorce that her parents went through And God allowed by his grace. He allowed me to To be consistent and to love her through all of that to the point now that today She is one of the most secure women that you will ever meet For me one of my greatest insecurities was the fear of failure That's why I didn't really attempt much

Because I just I feared that if I failed I would disappoint people and I just that was my I Just did not want to disappoint anyone But Tatum came along and she actually loved me for me And she began to gave me give me the courage to be able to to take risks, and we are where we are today Because of that belief in in each other so you see this couple here that they loved each other Through their insecurities, and you would need to know this that every person that is here. There's something that you're insecure about So make sure that you are loving them in it. It's a great law of attraction Here's the third thing they lived by God's standards not by cultural pressure So most marriages today. I would argue with you are not living according to God's best And if we want something different than what we see everywhere. We're gonna have to do something different than what everybody else does and That's exactly what this couple did in fact she begins to set the standard and she said this verse number seven She says tell me whom I love Where you where you graze your flocks and where you rest your sheep at midday? Why should I be like like a what? the veiled women Beside the flocks of your friends so shockingly enough the veiled women were prostitutes and She was saying listen all these other girls. They can throw themselves at you Not me. I ain't doing that if you want this We're gonna need to have some godly standards And there are some in other words. I'll say like this if you want a godly relationship. It can't be built on a worldly foundation So I want to challenge those of you that are not married yet That at the beginning of that relationship you define very clearly what you will and what you won't do For that relationship to continue in other words. These are things that I will not do to keep you In fact I would submit to you three different things that I would challenge you to start with

Number one I would say that I will not put my walk with God second in other words if If it means to date you God has got to be put on the back shelf I'm so sorry This relationship is not going to go anywhere. I need him I need somebody that's in my life that is going to drive me push me inspire me to walk closer to Jesus I'm just not going to compromise that one. How about this one? I will not lower God's standards So I know everybody in the world is sleeping together before you get married But not me Just not gonna just not not not gonna do it I Love God's standards more than I love you Here's the third one that I would encourage you to have and that's where you just say I will not play house without covenant So I know that everyone does these little sleepovers and living together before marriage But that's not the kind of marriage that we're gonna have we're gonna have a godly Covenant together because if you want this I need you to go buy a ring I Need you to walk in on I need your daddy to give you away. We're gonna stand face to face before God, heaven, and the angels, before all of our friends and our families, and we're going to make a vow to each other till death do us part." Like they made a commitment to each other. It became the foundation. It became the bedrock for that relationship. They had godly standards. Here's the fourth one that I would say. This is the fourth law of lasting attraction. They built each other up. They did not beat each other down. So remember, this was the gal that had all kinds of insecurities in chapter number one, and instead of putting her down, he actually builds her up. Notice what he says here. He says, Okay, men, listen to me. Look at me. Look, look, look. Let me save your life. Do not go home today and compliment your wife and call her a horse. If you do, you will die. I will be doing your funeral this next week. Okay? So when he said that, everybody in the culture there would have understood it because they all knew about Pharaoh's horses. They were the best. They were pure. They were white. They were powerful. They were viewed as godlike. Here's what he was saying to her.

Baby, out of all the girls in the world, you're the most beautiful this side of heaven. He was saying, you are God's gift to me. Like he wasn't tearing her down. He was actually building her up with his words. It's a lot like this plant here. You know, I could criticize this plant all day long, and it will not grow. This plant will grow when you give it the right nutrients in the soil, when you give it access to sun, and when you pour the right water on it. And when I do those things, the plant actually begins to grow. And I'll say it like this. Plants actually will grow in the direction of whatever is feeding it. And people are exactly the same. When you criticize somebody, you show them all their faults, and you tell them how weak they are, and they can't accomplish anything, they do not grow. They actually will shrink. People will rise to the level of your praise, or they will fall to the level of your criticism. Your words are either weed killer or they are water. What have you been pouring onto the relationship that is in your life right now? Maybe the reason why things are shrinking, maybe the reason why things are going the wrong way are the words that have been coming out of your mouth. So, for instance, when Tatum and I, we were early on in our marriage, I was not the most nurturing dad. I just, I wasn't. It just didn't come natural to me. Tatum, on the other hand, is perfect at it. She's like one of the most nurturing human beings on the planet. And she could have very easily pointed out all the different problems and issues and things that are in my life, and told me what a horrible person I am, and how bad I'm doing on this, and point out all of my faults. She never did that. Instead, I heard all kinds of words like this, hey Chris, you're a great dad. I love how you care for our family. Hey, you're an exceptional leader. And surprising enough, those words that she would speak over me, I actually began to become what she was speaking about me. So let me say it like this, please listen to me. If you don't like where your marriage is at, if you don't like what your spouse is becoming or has become, check up on what you've been saying about them. Because they're becoming what you say. Okay. So your words, they either carry life or they create death. Choose your words right. You show me any marriage that is thriving, that is growing, that has godly standards, and I promise you, you're going to see a marriage that has words that are life-giving. There's going to be a plethora of them. You show me a marriage that is struggling, that is shriveling and dying, and I will show you an absence of life-giving words. Instead, there'll be life-taking words. And this couple went above

and beyond, and they said, we're going to be people that not... tear people down, we're going to build each other up. And I know that there's folks that say, well, doing encouragement is just not natural to me. I kind of struggle doing that. Then learn how to do it. Figure it out. When you see the good, speak the good. Speak the good. And so this girl here, his wife, she starts doing that. In fact, she catches on it really quick. And what she says next is hot. It's hot. Like, hot, hot. This is hot. She says, while the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. My lover to me is a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. Come on, everybody. This is the word of the Lord. So I'm going to read it again. My lover, let me do this a little, my lover is a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. Now, I'm going to tell everybody, I don't know what a sachet of myrrh is, but I want to be one. Come on, somebody. Want to be, be, be, be, whatever that song is. Anyway, hey, if you're here new for the first time, welcome to church. I hope you come back next week. It's going to get better. So this is what she says, and then he responds with another compliment. Notice this, verse 15.

He says, how beautiful you are, my darling. That was his little pet name for her, my darling. And I want you to remember, in the first chapter, she was all insecure about herself, and yet he comes along and says, why are you feeling like that? You're a babe. You shouldn't be insecure. Oh, how beautiful your eyes are, doves. So time out. Think about this for a second. If he is talking about her eyes, what do you think that he is looking at? Her eyes. Can I tell you what he's not looking at? He is not doomscrolling through Instagram. He's looking into her eyes now, and notice how she responds. She says, how handsome you are, my lover. So she starts off all insecure, but they, because they built their relationship on a godly foundation, there's this beautiful love that begins to flow out of them that's godly, that's right, that's lasting, that is so, it's the unicorn in the culture that we have here today. And out of that love, it produced two things on the inside of her. And ladies, I want you to pay attention to these two things, because you're going to go, ooh, yeah, I like that. And men, I want you to lean in and listen to these two, because this is your responsibility. So number one, because of that love it produced, number one, she felt deeply special. Like she knew that she was loved. In fact, this is what she says. She said, I am, I'm a what? Notice that's singular. I'm a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys, like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.

She said, I know that I am the one that he loves. So in chapter one, she was insecure. And now she feels special. Why? Watch this. Here's why. Because he had loved her into that feeling. Men, listen to me. One of your roles is to love her into that feeling. Love her into feeling special. Love her into it. And you can't just do it with your words. You have to do it with your actions. So for example, recently I've had three groups of guys that have come to me and they've said, hey, Chris, come hang out. with us, man. We'll go do some stuff." And I've told them all no. Now there's nothing wrong with hanging out with a group of guys. Nothing wrong with that. But as busy as my life has been recently, and my calendar, my schedule, I'm not going to spend another night away from Tatum. Because I can't just tell her that I love her. I have to show her that I love her. To which one of these guys looked at me and said, Yo, you're just whipped, Chris. Come play top golf with us. I'm like, No, I'd rather go play with my wife. You know what I'm saying? That's why I'm going home. So let's watch here now. As this Shulamite woman, she brags on her man, she looks up and she starts telling everybody, Hey everybody, my man, my man, is taking me out to the movies. He's taking me out. He's taking me out to a nice dinner. Watch this. Verse number four. He has taken me to the banquet hall. His banner over me is love. He called me up and said, Hey baby, why don't you get dressed up? Squirt a little bit of that perfume on. I'm taking you out. And when they went on out, she was right by his side and he was so proud to have her there. And she felt so safe right alongside. She felt special. Man, why is it that when we're dating our spouse, we do all kinds of different things to love her into making her

feel special. But then after we get married years later down the road, you kind of stop doing those things. Don't ever stop working on loving to make her feel special. Here's the second thing that that love produced. And that is that he made her feel genuinely secure. I mean, she feels safe. In fact, look what she said. Check this out. She said, verse number three, like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among young men. I delight to do what? Come on everybody, to do what? And his fruit is sweet to my taste. Now I don't know what that last part means all the way. I'm not going to research it. You can go figure that one out for yourself. But here's a girl that used to be insecure because she didn't want to be out in the sun because of what it did to her. And she didn't feel beautiful. She made it made her feel insecure. And now she's saying, I don't have a problem going out during the day when the sun's out because my man, he is my protector. He is my shade. When I'm with him, he covers me. I mean, I'm, I don't, I don't feel any nervousness on all of that. In fact, men, let me just tell you something. If you will stand up, if you will be the man of God, he has called you to be in these areas. You want to see your wife. You want to see her blossom into all that God has. This is your responsibility. It's three things. Number one, understand you are her pastor, not me. You get alone in the presence of God and you hear the direction for the spiritual focus of your family. I'm just telling you, you start leading your family into spiritual things and your wife is just going to, oh, she will melt in the middle of it. Number two, you are her provider. And this doesn't mean that, that she doesn't bring in finances and it doesn't even mean that she might even bring in more finances than you. What it means is that you take the reins of that. You charge that thing. You bring the strength. You bring the security. You bring the focus on what happens with those finances. And then number three, you are her protector. So protect her physically. Protect her physically. Like Tatum and I, when we're, she was here a second ago and she's gone. So I can say anything I want now. We'll, we'll walk. I mean, I'm, I don't know if you guys are like this. I'll be walking, I'll be looking everywhere, man. We'll walk down a, down a road there and if somebody's down this thing, I make sure that I am on the outside and she's on the inside and I will protect her. We walk into a restaurant, I got my eyes looking everywhere. I, I, I'm scoping it all out. I'm going around the house every night. I'm locking the doors. I'm just making sure things are, I'm protecting

her in everything that I do. Protect her physically. Protect her emotionally. Man, guard your words. Guard her heart. Guard your kids. And when you do that, you're going to be shocked at how she just begins to blossom and come to life. She'll turn into the most beautiful woman that you've ever seen. And to watch what she says next, it's almost like this dance. She says, strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples. In fact, back then, they believed that raisins and apples were aphrodisiacs. So come on, everybody. I need some more raisins in my bread pudding. But here's what she was actually saying. She was saying it like this. She was saying, feed me anything that makes me want him more, for I am faint with love. His left arm is where? And his right arm is wrapping around and embraces. What is this? This is the position of love. The dude is making his move. And she's saying, I'm yours, heart, soul, mind, strength, my life. And it's holy, and it's right, and it's godly, and it's what God has promised every single one of us. Amen, everybody? Amen. So do me a favor. I want you to bow your heads all across this place. Here's what I know, that the word of God will not return void. There's nothing special about me, but there's a lot special about his word. And I would have to imagine that the Lord has put his finger on some area of your life, whether you're single, you're engaged, you're dating.

Maybe you really need to check up on the words that you've been speaking to one another. Maybe you need to vow you and love her through her insecurities. Maybe you need to start loving each other into feeling special. Maybe that whole area of just providing safety, and security, and protection, and pastoring. Maybe for you, you're a young person, and the culture out there, it just communicates that it's not just a big deal. And yet you're saying, I'm going to live by a different set of rules, I'm going to live by a different standard, God's standard. And so you're becoming resolute in your heart, and so Father, I pray for every person, take this message, take my best attempt, Lord, to communicate your word, and do what I can't. Change our hearts. I pray for the person that's here today, that they've, that their heart is breaking right now, they're walking through some really difficult things. It's even hard to hope again, that could it actually be good? I pray, Lord, that you would reach into the middle of that relationship, and you'd bring life where there's been death, growth, I declare that your marriage will thrive, I declare that that relationship will grow, in Jesus' mighty name, in Jesus' name, with heads bowed, and your eyes closed, I want you just to contemplate your life for a second. This life is short, and you'll stand before God one day, and I ask you the question, will you be ready? I'm here to tell you that God loves you. He has seen you on your worst day. The day that you wish that nobody else would ever find out about. And yet He still loves you. He still reaches towards you, in fact, your God is the God that, He doesn't push you down when you've fallen into the mud, He's the one that kneels down next to you and says, hey, I know you've fallen, but can I help you out? And today is your day out. It's your day to surrender to Him, and so, why don't you just ask Him? Ask Him, He's listening to your heart.

He's not far from you, in fact, you feel Him right now. Just pray this prayer, just say, Jesus, I give you my life. I give you my sin and my regret, I pray that you make me new, cleanse me, I confess with my mouth and I believe in my heart that you are the Son of God, in Jesus' mighty strong name I pray, and all God's people, come on, say amen, and amen. Come on, can we just celebrate those that have made that decision for Jesus today? God bless you guys. Praise God. Well, I just want to welcome all of those who just prayed that prayer. Welcome to the family. Welcome into our family. We're so glad that you made that decision. We're going to walk this life with you. Maybe you're wondering, what's next? Like, what do I do? We want to help you. And so we have some practical things and we have some more information, so if you would please text the word Jesus to 51010, that would be awesome. Well, as we continue our worship through giving, I want to read this verse to you from Deuteronomy chapter 8, verse 18. It says, remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth. He is the one who gives you the ability to produce wealth. Friends, can I remind you, you may receive a paycheck from your job, but provision comes from your father. He is your source. He's your provider. And like we just read a moment ago, he's the one who gives you even the ability to produce wealth. You know, I believe we live in a world full of change and unexpected circumstances and

variables we cannot control. Whether that's your job or the marketplace or the season of life you're in, however, I'm grateful we serve a God who's consistent, who's faithful, who stays the same. He's good no matter what season of life we're going in. And so, as we're giving this morning, we're not giving money and putting our faith in money. We're putting our faith in the one who provides it. Amen? So, let's give with gratitude. Let's give with confidence to our provider. Our ways to give are going to be on the screens. If you would, please stand to your feet. I just have one announcement for you. Today, we are starting life groups. Now, if you've never been a part of a life group, I would challenge you. This is a perfect opportunity for you to grow deeper. This is an opportunity for you to build community. So, you can find ways to get connected. If you text GROUPS to 51010, we'd love to help you. I'm going to pray a blessing over you. Our prayer teams are going to be at the front. We'd love to do ministry with you. So, if you would, bow your heads. Pray the Lord bless you and keep you. Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you. Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace. In Jesus name, come on everyone, say with me, Amen. Amen. Thank you. You're dismissed.