Mirrors Don't Lie People Do | Katie Hauck

How many times have you, when someone asks you, hey, how are you doing, said, I'm fine. Yeah, fine, you smile and you nod and you move on with your day, but maybe you really weren't fine. Maybe you were falling apart on the inside, hoping that no one would notice. Maybe your marriage was crumbling. Maybe you were one bad day away from a relapse. Maybe you hadn't slept in weeks because your anxiety wouldn't let you rest. Maybe you would smile at church on Sunday, but then cry yourself to sleep on Monday. But when someone asks, how are you doing? You say, I'm fine, right? And at first, I'm fine is something we just say. It's just a mask. It's just a way to keep people from asking too many questions. But here's what's dangerous. If you say I'm fine long enough, you start to believe it. And that lie becomes your reality. That is called denial. And denial is what we're gonna talk about tonight because denial is the first thing that you have to let go if you want to be free. So even though it's December, we are actually starting lesson one of Celebrate Recovery. I don't know if you know,

but it's a one year long program. There's 25 lessons. They're taught twice a month. And we are starting fresh tonight with lesson one on denial, okay? And lesson one covers principle one. It covers step one. Principle one says, I realize I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. And step one, we admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors and that our lives had become unmanageable, right? The key word in both that principle and that step is the word admit. You can't admit something that you're in denial about, right? Denial is when you've lied to yourself so many times that you actually believe the lie. It's convincing yourself that something isn't a problem when it really is. So denial feels sometimes like self-protection. It feels like you're keeping yourself safe, but it's actually self-deception. You're not protecting yourself. You're poisoning yourself. So let me just say it plainly. Denial blocks us from healing. Denial delays our recovery. Denial isolates us. It lies to us.

It keeps us sick. God says in Jeremiah 614, you can't heal a wound by saying it's not there. But here's the good news, and it's our anchor verse for the night, John 8, 32. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. The truth sets us free. Not denial, not pretending, not I'm fine, truth. Now, you may have noticed this mirror on stage. My daughter let me borrow it. We're going to try to get it home in one piece. We're going to talk about this mirror in a minute, but not quite yet, because first I want to look at two examples from scripture of people who were in denial, and I want to see what it took to break them out of it. OK, so the first one is a man named David. David was the king of Israel. He was called a man after God's own heart. He wrote more than half of the Psalms. He was a warrior, and a worshiper, and a leader, and he was in massive denial. You probably know this story. It's found in 2 Samuel, chapters 11 and 12. David was supposed to be at war with his army, but instead he stayed home. And one evening he went for a walk on his rooftop, and he saw a woman bathing. Her name was Bathsheba. She was beautiful, and she was married.

And David knew that, but he didn't care. So he invited her to his home, and he stayed with her that night, and she ended up pregnant. So now David has a problem, and he didn't know what to do. So he decided to cover it up. He called Bathsheba's husband Uriah home from the battlefield, and he figured if Uriah spent time with his wife, then everyone would assume that the baby was his, right? Problem solved. But Uriah was a man of honor, and he refused to go home with his wife while his soldiers were on the battlefield, OK? He slept outside the palace. So David tried again. He got Uriah drunk, hoping he would stumble home, but it still didn't work. So David did the unthinkable. He wrote a letter to his general, and he said put Uriah on the front lines of the fiercest battle, and then pull back so he'll be killed. And that's exactly what happened, and Uriah died. David then married Bathsheba, and in David's mind, problem solved, crisis averted. Nobody had to know he was now married to this woman, right? Nobody saw what he did. He figured I fixed it. It's done. I can move on now. But friends, that's denial.

He committed adultery. He lied. manipulated, he murdered, and he was convinced it was handled, but God, God saw everything. So about a year later, God sent a prophet by the name of Nathan to go talk to David, and Nathan told David a story. He told him, listen, there were these two men in a city, and one was rich and had huge flocks of sheep. The other was poor, and the poor man had just one little precious lamb, and he loved that lamb like a daughter, and carried that lamb around, and raised it in his home, and one day a traveler came to visit the rich man, but the rich man didn't want to feed this traveler with one of his own sheep, so he went to this poor man, and took his one and only precious beloved sheep, and used that to feed the man. Well, when David heard this story, he became furious. His face turned red, he slammed his fist down, and he's like, as surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this deserves to die. He must pay for that lamb four times over. He had no right to do such a thing. Did you catch that David had perfect clarity when it came to someone else's sin, but he couldn't see his own. He was outraged. He demanded justice. He called for that man's death, and then Nathan looked at him and said four words that shattered everything. He said, you are that man, and that was the moment that shattering of denial, where David couldn't hide anymore, and he couldn't pretend, and he couldn't run, because the truth was staring him in the face, and when denial broke, so did David. Nathan's confrontation wasn't punishment, guys, it was rescue. It was the most loving thing anyone had done for David in over a year. David then wrote this beautiful psalm. He wrote Psalm 51. Right after this happened, it says, have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love, according to your great compassion, blot out my transgressions, wash away my iniquity, cleanse me from my sin, for I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. In those words, transgressions and iniquity, those are just fancy words for sin, but David repented, but he couldn't repent until he faced the truth. He couldn't be healed until he admitted that he was wounded. He couldn't be forgiven until he acknowledged that he had sinned. Here's the beautiful thing about David's story. It didn't end with failure. God restored him, and God continued to use him, and the same God who confronted David forgave him and kept writing his story. So let me ask you, how often do we judge in others what we refuse to see in ourselves? We can see everyone else's issues crystal clear, can't we? She needs to get her act together, right? He's so controlling. Man,

they are broken. Look at them. They're a mess, but when it comes to us, I'm fine. I'm fine. So tonight, I want to be your Nathan, because I'm not here to make you feel good. I'm here to tell you the truth. So hear me when I say this. You are that man, or you are that woman, because this story isn't really about a king who lived 3,000 years ago. It's about you. So what have you been hiding? What are you convinced is handled? What sin have you buried so deep that you've forgotten it's even there? Nathan's story to David was like a mirror, and David couldn't see his own sin until David made him look in that mirror. I want to talk also about another example in the New Testament. It's about an entire community that lived in denial. It's in the book of Revelation, which is the last book of the Bible, and Jesus is sending a message to seven churches, and one of those churches, the last one mentioned in Revelation, is the church in Laodicea, and this is a brutal message. You see, Laodicea was a wealthy city. They were known for three things, banking, black wool, and eye medicine, okay? But these things were what made them the city that they did. They had money, they had resources, and they were extremely successful, and the church reflected that. They thought they were doing great. Here's what they said about themselves in Revelation 317. I am rich. I have acquired wealth. I don't need a thing. So they were saying, I'm fine. We've got this. We're good. We don't need any help, because they were good physically, but that didn't mean they were good spiritually, right? Because Jesus saw things differently, and here's how he responded to them when they said that. He said, you don't realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked, and that's key phrase. You did not realize. That is denial. believed that they were fine. They weren't pretending. They weren't lying on purpose. They genuinely thought they were good, but they were blind to their true condition. And think about how crazy that is. Laodicea was famous for making eye medicine that helps people see, yet Jesus called them blind because they were rich in money but poor in spirit. They were clothed in fine garments but spiritually naked. They thought they had everything but nothing that they had mattered. And then Jesus said something to them that sounds harsh, but guys it's actually so full of love. He said in verse 19, those whom I love I rebuke and I discipline, so be earnest and repent. What he's saying is this confrontation is from love because truth is mercy and exposure is grace. God confronts what he

intends to heal. If Jesus left them in their denial, guys, that wouldn't be love. That would be abandonment. He loved them too much to let them stay blind. And the same is true for you. If God is confronting something in your life right now, if there's something that he's bringing to your mind that's making you uncomfortable, it's not punishment. Guys, it's love. He is shining a light on what he wants to heal because God doesn't shine a light on your sin to shame you. He shines it to heal you. Think about if you had a wound, okay, and maybe it's on your back and you couldn't see it and it got infected and someone said, hey, you've got this issue, right? That might be kind of uncomfortable if somebody said that to you, but how would you know? How could you treat it? How could you heal from it? God exposes what he intends to restore, right? So when God looks at you, I want you to understand when God looks at you, he doesn't just see your sin. He sees you as his child. He sees someone who is worth saving. He sees someone who is worth confronting because the mirror is scary. I get it because looking honestly at ourselves usually means we have to change something, right? And change is hard and change costs us things. Okay, but the alternative is staying blind and staying sick and saying stuck. And God says, I love you too much for that. Here's the benefit. You don't have to face the mirror alone. Look around this room. Every person in here has been afraid to look at themselves in the mirror. Every person in here has said, I'm fine when they weren't. That's why we're here, right? This is a safe place where we don't have to pretend to be okay when we're not right. We're community. Sometimes communities can be in denial together, though. Sometimes we enable each other. Sometimes we say we're all doing fine when we're not. Sometimes you're with some other girls in the program and you tell them they're doing great instead of pointing out where they need to grow and where they need to heal. We might not be rich in money, but maybe we're rich in excuses. Maybe we've been going to meetings, going through the motions. Maybe you've

convinced yourself you're good. You don't really need to change anything. Maybe you think you're actually further along in your recovery than you actually are. Maybe you've been telling your sponsor what they want to hear instead of telling them the truth. Jesus would say the same thing to us that he would say to Laodicea, you do not realize. So what don't you realize tonight? Jesus basically held up a mirror to the entire community and said, this is what you really look like. Not rich, but poor, not clothed, but naked, not seeing, but blind. Sometimes the most loving thing God can do is show us ourselves. So we have to look at David and we have to look at Laodicea, two very different situations. Same problem. David represents personal denial. I didn't sin. I fixed it. Nobody knows about this. Laodicea represents a whole group of denial. We don't need help. We're good. We've got this. David needed Nathan to speak truth and Laodicea needed Jesus's words to wake them up. In both cases, truth was the turning point. God loves us too much to let us stay blind. He will always send truth. And sometimes that truth comes through a prophet like Nathan. Sometimes it comes through the scriptures, right? Like Jesus's letter to Laodicea. Sometimes it comes through a counselor or a pastor or a sponsor or a friend. Sometimes it comes through circumstances that shatter everything we've been pretending about. Here's what denial says. I'm okay. But what truth says is no, you're not, but you can be. That's the hope of the gospel. You're not okay. I'm not okay. None of us are. But Jesus didn't come for people who were okay. came for people who were broken and wounded and lost and in denial. He came for us. I want you to look at this smear. This may be the scariest tool in recovery, right? Because when we look in it, sometimes we see what we've been refusing to see. Do you know what's there? Do you want to see what's there? I'm gonna tell you about a time I was in denial. It was a long time ago, several years ago. Um, I prayed about it. This is the story the Lord said to share. I've been in denial many times, but this is the one that he said to

share with you tonight. But I was married to a man who was dealing with some addiction, and he had multiple affairs and our marriage was falling apart. It was a mess, and I knew his problems. I could list every single thing he was doing wrong, right? But I was in denial about myself because I thought I could fix him. I thought if I just tried better, loved better, said the right things, I could save that marriage. So I became someone I wasn't called to be, and I became controlling and manipulative. I was trying to manage something I had no power over. I was saying I'm fine when really deep down inside I was drowning. I was saying I've got this. I absolutely did not have it. I was powerless, but I refused to admit it. And then he left. I remember that moment so clearly. He had been drinking the night before, so I took the kids to my mom's for the night, and the next morning I walked in and he was standing in the living room with his suitcases packed. And he just looked at me and said, I can't do this anymore. And at that moment, my denial shattered. I didn't have a Nathan to show up at my door. I didn't have a friend to speak hard truth to me. In fact, my friends just said things like, everything happens for a reason, which honestly made me angry because I thought what kind of cruel God would cause this. But what I realized later is God didn't cause it. He allowed circumstances to show me what I couldn't handle on my own. He allowed me to see that I wasn't in control. I was never in control. That was my you are this man moment. Well, that was when truth broke through in my life, and it was painful, and it was humiliating, and it was the hardest season of my life, but it was also the beginning of freedom because I couldn't heal from what I was hiding, and I couldn't be set free from what I wouldn't admit, and I couldn't find peace when I was still pretending. It wasn't actually until a couple of years after that when I truly met Jesus and surrendered my life to him. But the breaking of my denial was what opened that door, and that's why lesson one matters, and that's why step one is step one, because you can't do steps through if you haven't done step one. You have to admit you're powerless before you can find power. You have to face reality before you can change it. So where might

you be saying I'm fine when you're not? Is it addiction? Anger? Codependency? Is it trauma you've never dealt with? Is it shame you carry from your past? Is it fear? Control? Compulsion? Unforgiveness? Pride? People-pleasing? Trying to be everything to everyone while you're falling apart on the inside? We can't heal from what we hide. We can't be set free from what we admit. We can't repent from what we acknowledge. We can't confess from what we're unwilling to see. So what happens when we step out of denial? That's when freedom begins. Do you remember our anchor verse, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free? That truth might hurt a little bit. It hurt David. It hurt Laodicea. It hurt me, right? But truth doesn't hurt you to destroy you. It hurts you to heal you. Because what did I say? God confronts what he intends to restore. So here's what I've learned. When denial breaks, you don't just see your sin more clearly. You start to see yourself the way that God sees you. And that's when the real freedom begins. Because shame says you are your worst moment. You are what you've done and you are beyond repair. But the truth says something different. The truth says, yes, you said, yes, you feel you fell. Yes, you need help. But yes, you are still mine. And yes, you are still loved. And yes, you are still worth healing. When you live in truth instead of denial, you can be honest when you mess up and guess what? It doesn't destroy you. You can say I relapsed because it doesn't mean I'm hopeless. You can say I lost my temper. It doesn't mean I'm a monster. You can say I'm struggling without it, meaning I'm a failure because your identity isn't built on your performance anymore. It's built on what God says about you and what God says about you is you are forgiven and you are redeemed and you are beloved and you are chosen and you are precious and you are special and you are holy and you are beautiful and you are called and you are is. That's not denial. That is the deepest truth that there is. And you can only see it clearly when you stop hiding. There's a freedom that comes when you stop pretending. So stop exhausting yourself, trying to keep up this act, stop dreading being found out. Right? You can finally

breathe. That's what the truth does. Right? It's honest, and it's lighter. So if you're sitting here tonight and there's something stirring in your heart, if you realize you've been saying you're fine and you're not, if God is shining a light on something that you've been hiding, remember it's not condemnation. It is love. He is inviting you to step out of denial and step into freedom. Because principle one says, I realize I'm not God. Right? I admit I'm powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. So can you admit that tonight? Because if you can't, you've just taken the most important step in your recovery. I want us to do something together really quick. I want to say a couple statements and I really want you to say them out loud after me. Okay? Okay. If you mean it, I guess if you don't mean it, you can sit there quietly, but I hope you mean it when I say this. Okay? Say, I am not fine. I admit that I'm powerless. My life is unmanageable. I need God. I'm stepping out of denial. The truth will set me free. I am loved. So if you just said those words and meant them, you just did step one. So your freedom is about to begin. Okay? This mirror, it's been on the stage. So my question is, are you ready to take a look at yourself to really look? Because when you do and the Lord reveals things, guys, you begin to walk in freedom. Lord God, thank you so much for every person in this room. Lord God, thank you for revealing the things in us, Lord, that hurt, that are hard, Lord God, but thank you for healing us. Lord God, I know that there are people in this room, Lord, that are afraid to admit things, God, but I pray that they have a radical encounter with you. So amazing, Lord God, that they begin to trust you in ways that they've never trusted you before, Lord God, that they begin to open up about the things that they've been hiding, Lord, and they begin to heal from those things, Lord, and that you begin to replace those brokenness, Lord, and you make beauty out of the things that were broken, Lord, in a way that only you can, because I know everyone in here, you call them a masterpiece, you call them a work of art, Lord God, so turn them into the beautiful picture that you have for them. Lord God, let them know how deeply loved they are. When they look in the mirror, let them see what they need to step out of denial in, Lord, but let them see themselves through your eyes as those things that we said is beautiful and holy and chosen and precious and special, Lord, and set them on a path because I know that you have a plan and a purpose for their life. God, reveal it to them and help them walk in it and help them walk in the freedom that only you can provide. Lord, thank you for

your son, Jesus, who made all of this possible, Lord, because without Jesus Christ, we would just continue to be broken. We would continue to be lost. Lord, thank you for sending your son to save us, to rescue us, to redeem us, Lord, and to help us to heal from the things that our past has cost us. God, we love you. We praise you. We give you all the glory and all the honor. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.