It's Not A Rat Problem It's A TRASH Problem

How's everybody doing tonight? It's awesome to see you guys. It's awesome to be here. My name is Katie Hawk. I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ to celebrate recovery from shame and brokenness and fear and high. Okay, question. How many of you have ever been to New York City? Okay. Yeah. So, did you know that New York City has a well-documented rat problem? Okay. They estimate that there are somewhere around 3 million rats running around that city. They do guided rat tours. They even appointed a rat czar, which is like a king, to try to control the population. They've put out traps. They've put out poison. They've tried gassing the rats. They've even tried giving the rats birth control, okay? But it doesn't matter how many rats they kill, more rats just keep coming. Because here's the thing. New York City doesn't actually have a rat problem. What they have is a garbage problem, right? The rats are just there as a result of the massive amounts of garbage. So anything they do is a waste of time, because as long as there's garbage, there's going to be rats. You see, it's the same thing in our life. We spend all of our time and our energy trying to kill our rats, right? We focus on symptoms. We focus on things like anger, and anxiety, and addiction, and broken relationships, and

depression, and insecurity. But what if I told you the thing that you're fighting isn't the problem, right? What if underneath all of that, there's something that needs to be dealt with first, right? That is what inventory is for. So tonight we're on lesson nine, and we're right in the middle of inventory, okay? You've probably heard several lessons on inventory, and you've probably got a couple more, right? They really focus on inventory because it's really important. Step four says we made a searching and fearless, moral inventory of ourselves, okay? Searching means thorough, and fearless means honest, okay? It's not a glance at our life. It is a dig into something deep. Now, if you've never seen an inventory sheet before, because I hadn't before I started coming to Celebrate Recovery, it has five columns. And in the first column, you list the people who hurt you. And then in the second column, the specific action that they took against you. And then the third, what effect that had on your life. And then the fourth, what damage that did to you. And then in the fifth, what part you are responsible for. Okay, can I be honest with you? Okay, thank you. When we first got to inventory, I was in a 12-step group, and I got to inventory, I didn't want to do it, okay? I was like, listen, I already forgave the people who hurt me, right? I thought I already healed. I thought, why would I want to revisit those feelings? Why would I want to bring all of that junk back up? Because I'm just going to feel bitter. I'm going to feel angry again. So I asked my group leader, listen, I don't really need this.

Can I just skip this? And guess what she said? No. No, you may not. So I Googled it, okay? I'm like, why do I have to do inventory as part of Celebrate Recovery, okay? And I found this analogy that's really cool. Okay, it says, imagine you have a splinter in your finger. You pull it out, but you don't get it all. There's a small piece below the skin that you can't see. Eventually, that little piece begins to fester, and infection sets in. If left unattended, that infection could spread through your whole body and make you sick. The only way to get rid of the infection is to open the wound, remove that little piece that was left, and clean the wound out. It's going to hurt. But once the wound is clean, healing can take place, and you can live a healthy life again. And I was like, that is cool. Yeah, I still didn't want to do inventory, though. Okay, I did it. And so I started throwing a little fit, and I was telling God all my complaints. And I heard him say, Katie, do the inventory. I want to show you something. And so I reluctantly sat down, and I started going through the sheet, and I began listing all the people who hurt me, okay, and what they specifically did. And I listed my ex-husband, right, who had multiple affairs and abandoned me. I left my friend who had betrayed my trust. I listed my closest friend who was like a sister to me. But her husband made some really terrible accusations and she believed him and that hurt and I listed a pastor Who told me my theology was dangerous to an entire denomination and kicked our family out of his church I listed a family member who agreed that the church was right to do that, right and after a while

I started to get mad again. Okay, and I quit writing names. I'm like, okay, I'm mad. I'm gonna move on So I got to the next column about how did these things make me feel? So I started writing down words like angry, bitter, alone, afraid, inadequate, embarrassed, insecure, resentful, lonely, Abandoned, lost, naive, and then I felt the Lord said no go deeper Find out what's behind those emotions and when I did I discovered one of Satan's greatest tools Every single emotion that I listed had the same root and that root was rejection Every one of those people had rejected. I was rejected by my first husband. I was rejected by my family I was rejected by my friends. I was rejected by the church So the definition of rejection is when someone refuses to accept you believe you or love you Okay, it's like a fisherman who catches a bunch of fish picks out the good ones and throws all the other ones back that aren't Good enough. How many of you have ever felt not good enough? Yeah, of course Satan's greatest tool is rejection if you think about it God is love God wants us God accepts us God loves us So the enemy wants to attack us, of course, he's going to try to make us feel the exact opposite He's gonna whisper things like everyone has always left you no one wants you around. They're just using you You're not good enough for them as human beings we crave Approval we desperately want to be liked and if the enemy can get you to believe that you are unwanted Unaccepted and unloved your life is basically over You will do nothing for the kingdom of God and Satan will win So the root of rejection generally causes us to be one of types of one of four types of people I studied this The first is a person who gives up someone who's negative overwhelmed Lonely depressed and defeated the second is a person who hides behind a smile. They're indifferent Superficial they build walls that hide their feelings The third is a person who fights back someone who's angry

resentful rebellious and aggressive and the fourth is a person who gets their value from their Relationship by being needy insecure clingy and codependent Okay, do any of those sound like you? Maybe you're a mix of a couple of them. Okay. I need to tell you right now. That is not your identity That is a reaction because of trauma you face and it's a defensive way that you are using to try to cover the hurt Okay, so let me show you how this works because the enemy has a system You guys know if you've ever heard me speak one of my favorite things to talk about is how we are Three in one right God is three in one God the Father God the Son God the Holy Spirit Genesis tells us we are made in his image right? Therefore we are a three-part being only we are body soul and spirit. We are a spirit. We live in a body We have a soul. Our soul is our mind. It's our Emotions and it's our will another word for will is actions Okay So the pattern is something goes into your mind and you choose to think about it and it affects your emotions And then you act on those emotions. Okay, that's your soul your mind your emotions your actions That's how your soul works and the enemy knows this. Okay, so guess what God tells us in Proverbs 4 23 He says above all else Guard your hearts for everything you do flows from it. He says above all else Above everything that you have been told he's saying this is more Important than any other piece of advice you have ever heard above everything you've been taught Guard your heart Have you ever used a vending machine? Okay, think about it. You put coins in and then you push some buttons and then some junk food comes out, right? You are like a vending machine okay, only instead of coins the enemy is what he's feeding into you are lies and Accusations he puts thoughts into your mind like you aren't good enough. You aren't pretty enough. You'll never be successful. No one wants you around. You screwed up too much. These are lies from the pit of hell. And those lies get deposited into your heart. And then buttons get pushed. Buttons like anger and hatred and offense and bitterness and jealousy

and depression and anxiety and fear. And when those buttons get pushed, what comes out in your actions are things like gossiping, isolating, becoming codependent, substance abuse, aggression, refusing your body to feel loved or refusing to forgive. So what you allow in your mind stirs the emotions of your heart and affects your actions. But he says, above all else, guard your heart because everything you do comes from it. Now, have you ever tried to use a vending machine that was unplugged? You put the coins in and they just come right back out. The coins get rejected. Guys, we cannot stop the enemy from feeding the lies into our head, but we can choose to reject the lies. But how do you know something's a lie? Well, you can only know something's a lie when you can recognize the truth. And what does the truth say about you? Well, Ephesians 2 10 says you are God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works. John 15 15 says I no longer call you a servant. I call you a friend. First Peter 2 9 says you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation. You are God's special possession. Colossians 2 10 says you are complete in him. So when the enemy says you are unwanted, you say I reject that because Isaiah 43 once says God has called me by name and I am his. When the enemy says you are not accepted, you say rejected because Psalm 27 10 says even if my father and my mother abandoned me, the Lord will hold me close. And when the enemy says you are not loved, you say that is rejected because John 3 16 says he loved me so much he sent his son to die for me. The enemy can take his lies right back to the pit of hell where they belong. You have to stop determining your worth by what the enemy says about you and start determining your worth by what God says about you. You have to reject the lie of rejection. So so here I am. I'm working through this and the Lord is showing me all these things and I'm doing this inventory that I didn't want to do. And God's revealing these things about myself and my issues. But God wasn't done. You see, he wanted to show me something else, something about the people who were on my list. Because here's the thing. Rejection wasn't just my garbage, right? The people on my inventory, they weren't just people who hurt me. They were people who had been hurt. People who were carrying their own uncleaned up garbage. Their rats had just run into my life. So I want to tell you about a man I know named Dave. Okay, Dave had an average childhood. He grew up in a middle class family, small town on a farm. He was the youngest of 10 kids. His parents were good people, but they were very busy. So Dave

often felt unseen and unvalued. When Dave was a young teenager, something traumatic and unexpected happened in his family. And shortly after he was removed from the home and sent to live with a different family. Well, this new family was very different than his other family. They were wealthy, they were successful, they were well known, they were powerful, but they also had a lot of dysfunction. The father dealt with mental illness. He had depression and anxiety and anger. He was verbally abusive to Dave, even physically attacked him a couple of times. So Dave joins the military and he does really well. Like he was the best at his job and he became really popular and he made a ton of friends and he flew up in the ranks. He married a beautiful woman and he was very happy. But how many of you know the military is a hard place, especially during wartime? Well, Dave saw the effects of PTSD and to dull the pain, he started drinking and the drinking caused problems in his marriage. And one night he got drunk and he met a woman and he had an affair. And he began making more and more poor choices and his stress began to affect his work and then he made a decision that cost another man his life. While he's dealing with all of this, one of Dave's children became very sick and passed away. His life had gone from okay to really good to really bad and he had no idea what return but the Lord. And you see at the drinking and the affair and the murder, those were Dave's rats. But what was the garbage underneath? He felt unseen. He didn't feel valued. He was ripped from his home. He suffered verbal abuse and physical attacks. Dave felt rejected. And that rejection was unhealed, unclean, and festering. And the rats multiply. I was in my late 20s when I was introduced to Dave and I had recently gone through a divorce. My ex-husband, listen to this, had been tossed around from house to house as a child. He had dealt with feelings of being unseen and not valued. He had joined the military and watched his friends die in battle. He developed PTSD and guess what he did to dull the pain? Drinking. And guess what the drinking led to? Women, right? He had a lot of garbage and his rats had just destroyed my life. So when I heard about Dave, I wasn't interested in hearing any more about Dave because I was bitter and I was angry and I was broken because of my own situation and I projected that onto Dave. And people would tell me, Katie, Dave has turned to the Lord and I didn't care. And people thought I should be compassionate about some of the things that he went through. And I said, I know they're terrible, but he probably deserved it, right? So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of. I avoided him, right? Have

you ever done that? You ask the Lord to help you not have bad feelings towards someone or forgive someone and you feel really good like you've done that until you see him again. And then you're like, oh yeah. Suddenly that anger and that bitterness, it just pops right back up. Well, that's what I was doing. I thought by avoiding Dave, I'd worked through all of my problems. But then every time I heard his name, I would cringe and I would get upset all over again. And no amount of avoiding him could heal the pain. And it seemed like the more I tried to avoid him, the more I heard about him. Oh, Dave's amazing. Dave's the best. And it made me like him even less. So one day I'm at church and I hear people talking about how incredible Dave is. And I get so frustrated. I'm like, God, what's so great about Dave? I'm way better than Dave. And I heard the Lord say to me, you know what, Katie? Dave is my favorite. That was not what I expected to hear. I'm like, I'm sorry. What do you mean Dave is your favorite? How can Dave be your favorite? He did all of these horrible things. And God said, yes, but he repented. He turned from those things and he turned to me. And I was like, really, God, you're telling me that's all it takes, right? Just repent. And God's like, yes. And I'm like, well, that's not fair. I have been way better than Dave. Dave had an affair. I've never had an affair. And God said, remember when Jesus said that if you look at another person lustfully, you've committed adultery in your heart. Okay, fine. But Dave murdered someone and I never did that. And God said, remember when Jesus said, if you're angry with another person, it's as if you've murdered them. And then God said, Katie, your heart is bitter, but Dave is a man after my own heart. Now, if you haven't figured it out by now, Dave's real name is David. He's King David, the King of Israel. And when I became a Christian in my twenties, I had zero desire to read about King David of Israel, right? But it's hard not to because his name is mentioned over a thousand times in 28 books of the Bible. He's the only person in scripture called a God after a man after God's own heart. And his very name means beloved. He was chosen by God to reign over Israel. He's called the greatest King to ever exist. And I know he killed Goliath, but when I read about him, all I saw was a man who cheated on his wife and murdered his friend. But God said, Katie, read more. So I did. So I started reading more about King David and had discovered that when King David's friend, Nathan, the prophet came to him and called him out for his sin, David didn't deny. He didn't blame anyone. He didn't run. He repented. This is what David wrote immediately after being confronted. It's in Psalm 51. It says,

have mercy on me. Oh God, because of your unfailing love, because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins, wash me clean from my guilt, purify me from my sins. For I recognize my rebellion. It haunts me day and night against you and you alone have. I sinned, I have done what is evil in your sight. Create in me a clean heart, oh God. Renew a loyal spirit within me. Do not banish me from your presence. Restore me to the joy of your salvation. David, he went to the Lord and he was completely vulnerable about his mistakes and he asked for forgiveness and God forgave him. God didn't just forgive him, he restored him, he promoted him, he blessed him and he called him his favorite. God, he wants to do that for you. He loves you so much that despite any mistakes that you've made, despite any problems you've created, despite any sins you've committed or the pain that you've caused, he sent his only son to live a perfect life and die a gruesome death so that you don't have to. And when you accept this, you are forgiven. Not just forgiven, God wants to restore you, promote you, bless you and call you his favorite. But I couldn't see that yet because I was stuck. I was stuck in my brokenness, I was stuck in my unforgiveness and I could not let it go. And I reminded God again of everything that David did wrong and God said, my blood has covered his mistakes. I remember his sin no more.

And when I look down at him, I see a perfect precious son. But Katie, when I look down at you, I see you standing over him trying to hold him guilty. I see you with chains around his neck trying to make him pay a price. And I don't know who you think you are, but I'm the judge, not you. So who do you think you are that your judgment rises higher than mine? Why do you think that when I have chosen to forgive someone, you still have the right to hold them accountable? Amen. Oh, that was hard to hear. Amen. And it hurt deep, but God was right. Who am I to judge King David? But then it hit me, what about the people in my inventory? My ex-husband and my friend and that pastor and that family member. But David said in Psalm 51, what we just read, remember he said, to God, he said against you and you alone have I sinned. So yeah, David's sin hurt the people around him, but listen, God created the law. So when David broke the law, he was sinning against the law giver. And the law giver who was God was the one who had the right to judge. And the law giver chose to forgive the law breaker when he repented.

And I said, well, God, that was repentance. I don't even know if people like my ex-husband, I don't know if he's repented. And God said, Katie, you worry about you, I'll worry about him. And in that moment, I felt so much like one of my kids. How many of you have kids? How many times have your kids come to you and they've tattled on something their brother or sister did, right? And you're like, okay, thank you for letting me in. I'll take care of it. And then they start giving you suggestions of ideas of how you could punish their sibling, right? And I'm like, it's okay, I got it. And then they're like, can I come watch? And they start following you into the room where you're about to go discipline, right? A brother or a sister. And I have to tell my kids, no, this is not about you. You worry about you, I'll worry about them. And that's exactly where the Lord took me. I was so worried about someone else paying the penalty for what they had done and me getting to watch. I was so worried about whether or not they were going to apologize to me. And God said, Katie, it is none of your business. I worry about them, you worry about you. And what that means is I had to worry about my own heart. I had to worry about my own reactions.

I had to worry about the grace I was giving. I had to worry about the bitterness that I was holding onto. You see, God is a perfect judge and he will give perfect justice. But that perfect justice may not be anything you ever get to see because guys, I'm sorry to tell you, it's none of your business. What happens to the people who hurt you is between them and God. And when I finally understood that I couldn't clean up someone else's garbage, I could only clean up my own. So unforgiveness, bitterness, the need for someone to pay, that was mine to deal with. And as long as I was holding onto it, I was not going anywhere. So here's what I want you to hear tonight. The reason I didn't do inventory or didn't want to do inventory was because I thought I had healed. I thought I could hold those lies. is in my heart and they wouldn't affect my actions. I thought I could just sweep the garbage under the rug, not think about it, and move on. I was trying to kill the rats without cleaning up what was attracting them. And I was doing it in my own power. And I was doing an okay job, it seemed, for a minute, until I started to think about those things and the wound would open right back up again.

Guys, God doesn't wanna patch your heart. He wants to radically change your heart. He wants to rip out the old. He wants to remove the hurt. He wants to replace the lies. And he wants to give you a purified heart. And once it heals, he wants you to guard it above all else. When we begin to feed our minds with the word of God and the truth of who he says we are, our hearts no longer produce junk. Instead, they begin to produce things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. And our actions begin to look a little more like Christ. Then, and only then, can we look at the people on our inventory sheet and instead of feeling rejected by them, begin to see them as broken people, people who are also being fed lies by the enemy, people who also felt rejected, people whose hearts are also damaged, people who are producing a lot of junk. Then, and only then, can we realize our battle is not with them. Ephesians 6, 12. Our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil. The battle is against the enemy who rips our hearts open and attacks us when we are weak.

And if he's doing that to us, he's doing that to them. So I encourage you to do the work, do the inventory, don't skip it, don't avoid it. Let God show you what's deep underneath. Stop fighting the wrath out here and let God clean up the garbage in here. And when he does, I promise you, you will find freedom like you've never experienced before. Lord God, we love you so much. And I thank you, God. I thank you for who you are. I thank you that despite our brokenness, Lord, that you love us, that your mercies are new every morning, Lord, that when you look at every person in this room, what you see is a precious son and daughter. You see someone who has been redeemed, someone who you look at and call holy. You call them a saint. You call them chosen, Lord. I pray that when they look at themselves, they can see that same thing in themselves, Lord. God, I pray that you heal every one of their deepest wounds, Lord God. And I pray you replace it with more of you, more of your spirit, God. We just love you so much and we praise you and we give you all the glory and all the honor in the mighty name of Jesus we pray. Amen. Amen.

Woo! Woo! Woo!