How Healing Begins with Truth: Solé's Story

Welcome to the Victorious Living Podcast. You are about to hear real stories of real people who have discovered the real hope of Jesus Christ. I am Christi Overton Johnson, the founder and publisher of Victorious Living Magazine. Since 2011 I have had the privilege of sharing the most amazing life stories. I never cease to be amazed at the life transforming power of Jesus Christ. Today in our podcast you are going to go deeper into these amazing God stories and hear from those who have overcome incredible odds and discover how they found a life of freedom. You can discover it too. I trust that you'll enjoy today's conversation between our host and our special guest. Thank you for listening and be sure to share the hope you hear and the mission of Victorious Living. I am privileged to have Soleil Wright and I, your name's Soleil. Were you named after somebody or it's unique. I don't think I've ever heard that before. It is. Well, it's nice to be here, Randy. It's nice to see you and, and be here. Yes, it is very unique. And that's part of my story. My name, my name is the shortened version of Soledad, which Soledad means a solitude or alone. My mother named me Soleil, not Soledad because she was going through a very dark time in her life. And she felt very alone in her situation. A lot of darkness and a lot of hurt and betrayal. And I was baby number four. She was pregnant with me and she tried to abort me several times. So, and by the grace of God, I survived numerous abortion attempts. So when I was born, yeah, she that was her emotional mental state, solitude and alone. So my name is a reminder of that for my whole life. It was a reminder of being alone and not being wanted. So yes, it's funny. People always ask, what's, what does your name mean? And today I say sunshine because by the grace of God, I am here and the sun has shined his light into my life. So it's like with Jacob and Israel, how he changed Jacob's name to Israel. There was a promise there. The same goes with me today. I just say my name means sunshine, but thank you for asking. I have a mind full of questions to ask. You don't have any clue that we'll get to all of them. But so you bring up about that, that that's, I mean, did you, and you're obviously you learned about that. Did you and your mom talk about that at some point? We did. I learned about it early on in my life, even before I knew what an abortion was. My stepfather was extremely abusive. I grew up with domestic violence and different types of abuses. And he made sure that I knew that I wasn't wanted and that my mother tried

to abort me just pure evil. And there was always like this culture of death, this death over my life. As a teenager, I tried committing suicide, almost like to complete the work that was never accomplished. So I grew up with this dark cloud over me my whole life. I actually felt I was more dead than alive. But by the grace of God, there's this community for abortion survivors. I didn't know there were other people like me until I was going through therapy one a few years back. And I found this group called the Abortion Survivors Network. For the first time in my life, I was able to meet a whole community of people, men and women that were abortion survivors. And these emotions that I wrestled with my whole life, and the secrets that I kept on how I felt about myself, I was able to share them in a non judgmental community. The most amazing thing happened, they all experienced the same emotions, the same feelings. So it was just incredible how we need validation sometimes when we're so confused about things that were done to us. And just to be in this community, I remember sharing my testimony for the first time, it was the secret I kept for gosh, 40 years. And I made eye contact with the woman and when she nodded in acknowledgement, I know how you feel. It was like an embrace from God. You brought up a word that I hold on to. So I got to Okay, it's not a selfish thing. I want you to elaborate on it, but when we think of self-esteem and and how we feel about ourselves, that word validation, you know, my story is not, you know, we're talking about your story, but there are things that you feel sometimes disqualified for. And I think that subconsciously, consciously, you know, either way, things that happen in your life, kind of what you're saying, even though they might be categorically different as you go through life, there's times you need, like, can I really do this? Should I really do this? Am I capable of doing this? And for whatever happened to you, there is that no, no, no, no. And so. And so. Validation is important. So I think, as I've read about you and researched you, private investigator, Randy, no, you know, reading about you on your website, learning about things that you've written and all it's you touch on things like scars. You touch on things like. I forget it was. Don't do something. Don't hide. Don't stay in secrecy. Bloom. I can't remember exactly how you said that. You've written a book more than one. What the first one after some time. Was that the first one? So anyway, I'll shut up for you. I was really asking a question, but let's go to validation. So validation for me is basically telling me that. Soleil, you're not alone. Like you are not the first person to experience that dead inside feeling. You're not alone. There are others like you. So for me, the validation is that confirmation that I am not alone in my suffering. And that's the problem we feel. And what you were going to share is that our secrets, shame and secrecy is what binds us because we feel that we are alone. I've done these terrible things. So shame covers me because no one would understand. And that is a lie. You know, our secrets, what happened to me. No one would understand because I'm alone in this. And that's the lie. So the validation comes in whenever we walk alongside of someone and we dare, we dare to share our story with someone.

And in that moment, we make a connection, a very deep personal connection, realizing that we're not alone because it happens. I've worked with women for years and I've been in studies and it happens when you gather together and you take off your mask. You realize that, wow, her story and my story, we share common threads. I'm not alone in this. And that's where that abortion survivors community for the first time in my life, I must have been, gosh, maybe 51 for the first time in my life. I realized that I wasn't alone in that secret, in that shame that covered me. And there's freedom in that because once you realize in that validation, that word and validating is not like validating is not to puff oneself up. Not that type of validation. But in this, like we're in this together. I know where you're coming from. And I lost my train of thought where I was coming with that. But in knowing that we're not alone, we give each other permission to be set free from that. Once I share my story, that shame is lifted. It really doesn't have power over me. Our secrets, when we keep secrets is like, who's, what's keeping what? Am I keeping the secret or is the secret keeping me? And that's what keeps people bound. Expound on that. That's, that sounds profound. Am I keeping the secret or is the secret keeping me? Can you do a deeper dive? I sure can. Okay. For instance, um, with, with the situation of, um, my mother trying to abort me my whole life, I felt as if I was dead inside, something's wrong with me. Those were the messages that I heard. My stepfather was, was highly abusive and he would call me crazy. That was one of my nicknames. And he did that. You know, I realized now, you know, as I began healing, that he was doing that to convince me and everyone in my home, that I was crazy in order to control me. would come out, no one would believe me, right? So I lived under that shame. First of all, I feel dead inside. What does that even mean? Like I can't, there's no life in me. There's this darkness in me that wants to destroy me. And then, you know, there are things that happened in my home that no one would believe me because I'm crazy, right? So then what happens is these become secrets that I'm keeping. So to keep those secrets, because, you know, secrets become very toxic in our bodies. As a matter of fact, research is now coming out, like it has been for maybe the past 15, 20 years, that our emotions, those secrets, that shame, that anger, bitterness, will manifest itself into diseases. We become sick. Think about it. When we're highly stressed, our blood pressure may go up. You know, we can have heart conditions, heart palpitations. When we're nervous, we experience butterflies. The body, mind, and soul is soul connected. So as we're keeping these secrets, we're becoming toxic, emotionally toxic. For instance, if you become triggered and you haven't dealt with certain emotions, you may lash out in anger, or you may behave in a way that's inappropriate to the circumstances, correct? Because you haven't dealt with whatever triggered you. So that's where secrets keep us. We're not keeping them. They're keeping us, and in a way, they're controlling it because we haven't unpacked all that junk. We haven't purged ourselves from that toxic, those toxic emotions, that toxic past. What might be a process that you would, or do now, guide someone in telling, or sharing, or moving beyond those secrets? Because it's, I know in counseling people too, it's when that starts, I mean, they've buried it so deep, it's affecting them subconsciously. But when they start opening that up, there's also, I don't know, is this a word, a re-traumatization? Because you're having to go back and face those things that you've hidden away.

But what would the process be that you would encourage someone listening to this to, if they're holding on and they're captive by their secrets, what would you suggest they do? Well, there's a few things. First of all, people feel that everything needs to be uncovered. And I've gone to counseling for, well, a good part of 30 years on and off, and not everything needs to be uncovered. What I would suggest is what's most intrusive. If there's a situation or part of your story that's most intrusive, that you know that it's right there, that it comes up often, that you know it's an issue, I would recommend just work on what's most intrusive. Do not try to unpack everything at once. Realize that you're a survivor. You are here to tell your story. You have survived that, even though it may not feel like it. And yes, that re-wounding, that sometimes people feel like they're being re-victimized, but it's knowing... For me personally, there's no way I could have done this without Jesus Christ, without God in my life. He's the one that has worked with me and set me free from my past, from substance abuse. When I became a Christian, he immediately took the desire for the substance abuse that I was dealing with, because we had a lot of unpacking to do. And this unpacking was a little bit at a time. What was most intrusive? What was I really, really struggling the most with? What often happens though is it's hard work. And a lot of times people quit before they experience true freedom. And that's what I'm really passionate about. I'm really passionate about walking alongside of women and guiding them towards that freedom in Christ, because it is possible. He came to set us free, who the son has set free will be free indeed. And we need to remember that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So we need to know our place in Christ, that Christ no longer condemns us and that we have been set free. So it's definitely a journey. It's not... You may feel raw. Of course, anytime we look at those difficult things that we've experienced, we're going to feel pain. We're going to feel re-victimized. We just need to hold on to truth. I've already survived that. I've already survived the abuse of my past. I've already survived... abortion attempts. I'm here to talk about it now. But the healing is that work, you know, nothing good comes without that work that we need to do in our lives. And, and, you know, what I would encourage someone is to persevere, persevere through that hard stuff, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So it doesn't necessarily mean go to a street corner and yell out all of these secrets or,

you know, go in front of a church or in front of a group. I mean, what you decide to do with it down the road, I guess, testimony wise, but basically go talk to somebody, a quality, and that person should be qualified at some. Yes, I think so. I think, I think the first step is sharing it. And definitely, I truly believe that everyone benefits from speaking with a counselor. It's like this, and a wise counselor told me this many, many years ago, when the body is physically sick, we see a doctor, when we are experiencing intrusive thoughts, or just some mental illness, because it happens, the mind can become sick, too. Why wouldn't it? We live in such a broken world, then we need to see a qualified doctor to take care of those thoughts. So there's just the stigma behind mental health and mental illness, that we really need to normalize, we all struggle. And that's where the secrets keep you. That's where the shame hits. If people knew that I struggled with depression, what would they think? So then you struggle silently. If people knew that I struggle with suicide ideations, what would they think? So, so we shut, we keep those secrets down, but really it's, it's, it's keeping us bound. I guess, I guess there's times, you know, they, they say we're, we're our own worst critic, or sometimes our own worst enemy, and you sit and think and talk about things that you've been through, and you kind of beat yourself up, and you bury it, and, and you think, man, you're just, you're, you're, you're so messed up, you know. So you go through a process, you go talk to somebody, and, and that's going to have to happen more than once, you know, you got to come out a little bit at a time. What is that freedom? When you finally reach a place of freedom, how did you get there, and what did it feel like to realize, wow, I'm, I'm free from the secrets, and, and did I, have I reached that place of being an overcomer? What does all of that feel like? Right. It's when you go from just being a servant, from just barely surviving to thriving, and that process, we want things now, like we want everything, fast food, we want everything now. Unfortunately, it's not that way when it comes to the journey of healing. First of all, we have to lean on Jesus, we have to lean on God, because he is the ultimate healer, and we have to be willing to do the work involved. So that process for me, for instance, with the, well, I'll just, let's talk about forgiveness, because we, a lot of people struggle with unforgiveness. Forgiveness is definitely, for some, it could be a lifelong process. Like for me, forgiving my stepfather, I wrestled with that for so long, because I knew that I needed to forgive, and I've gone through counseling and everything, and, and I felt that I was set

free from some of the things that he did to me. But there were times when I got triggered, and it's like, no, I'm not going to forgive, he doesn't deserve it. Or I want to, but can't, don't want to. So it's a wrestling of back and forth. It's definitely, and I'm going to stress this, it's work. It's work, and we have to lean into those hard places. We have to lean into, why wasn't, was I not forgiving? Because I wasn't ready to let go. I, the interesting thing is with, with unforgiveness, we're, we're punishing ourselves, right? The other person, they're not even aware that we're wrestling with this. You know, we're punishing ourselves. So forgiveness is a tricky one, because it could be, it took me, boy, it was in my thirties where I was working through this, and probably about 10 years, 10, 15 years to, yeah, to, to finally release and forgive. But it is a journey. And if you work with people, you're well aware that someone is not going to go to one session and say, Oh, I've been set free. I fully forgive. It doesn't work that way because you're going to watch a movie. You're going to hear a song, a certain smell, you know, and it's going to take you back to an ugly experience. And then you're going to feel all those feelings again. And then you're going to realize that a root of bitterness has come out, or you're still wrestling with anger over that situation. So then you have to unpack that bitterness and, you know, take a look at it and okay, I'm bitter because this was taken from me, or I'm angry because justice wasn't served in this situation. So we have to look at all those angles to finally be set free from them. So you were saying one at a time. So if we were to make an illustration, okay, somebody goes through various traumas in their life and, and they pack it, as you say, unpack, they pack it in this box, you know, and then there comes a point where they sort of feel like they got it all in there. And then they tape it up tight and hide it deep inside. So all of a sudden, they're thinking, I'm listening to what she's saying, or what someone like her has shared. And I feel like I need to open that box. So that's a scary part of the process. But you're saying, you know, just open it, you know, and then reach in, take one thing out, and you defined it as maybe the one thing that was the most difficult or the most challenging? What's most intrusive, if there's one that what, you know, we have intrusive thoughts. So what's most intrusive in your life, like, I struggled with suicide for most of my life. And I didn't even know what the root cause was, I just knew that I just, I needed to check out, I needed to leave this earth from a very young age. And I realized that it started in the womb,

that my mother tried to, so it's almost like a spirit of death that was over me. And it took me, you know, until I went to the abortions that retreat that I realized, wow, it was that spirit of death was over my life. So yes, whatever is most intrusive, so whatever you struggle, if you struggle with anger, find out, where's that anger coming from? One thing I recommend is journaling, like dump your thoughts, don't, you know, like a brain dump, don't correct it, forget about grammar, your English teacher's not checking your journaling, but just dump it, if you're afraid, I know, right? If you're afraid that someone's gonna read it, just burn it. So just dump it, don't worry about it. It and burn it or destroy it. But that's one way to uncover what could be the most intrusive thoughts. What I would recommend is just be gentle on yourself. You know, be gentle on yourself. Oftentimes, we're so, as you mentioned, we're so hard on ourselves. It's typically for most of us, it's a little child that was wounded, an innocent, sweet child. A lot of times I have, I have suggested for people to pull up a child, a picture of when you were a little child, and what is the first thought that comes to mind when you see that picture? Oftentimes, the first thought is that critical voice of what you've been told. For instance, when I would see the picture of my little girl, I would just see damaged goods. That was the word that would come out of my mouth, damaged goods. When in reality, she was a sweet, innocent girl. She had nothing to do with what was done to her. She wasn't damaged goods. She was a beautiful creation of God. You see what I'm saying? So oftentimes, what we say about our inner child is that thing that we're struggling with. I'm listening to you, and I think of two opposites of situations. So I want to ask you to touch on this as a life coach, because obviously, we really deeply care about people that have been through experiences, and they're stuck there, and we want to try to help them get out. What about the other side of that, where the person just lives the life of a victim? You know what I mean? And they turn it in. Well, I'm I'm the victim, I'm always the victim. How you know from a from a life coach? I mean, OK, things happen to them, but then they you know in this world of drama, everything is drama.

You know, drama kings, drama queens, drama divas, whatever. How would you? Speak with someone that. Holds on to that or woe is me. Yeah, that's a great question. I have found that these people. Well, obviously they're stuck in their victim mentality, but you really can't do anything for them because they're not willing to look at it. And that's where my heart aches because I have known people that have. Well, I've known I know a woman who accepted Christ in her 50s and she has been set free from that from that victim mentality. But I know one who passed away in that situation and they never experienced the abundant life that God has for them. In that is heartbreaking. Because God has a plan for them and it's not like they didn't accomplish anything throughout their life. But there's more. There's so much more. How would I speak to someone like that? I don't think I could. I would have to pray for them

that God would soften their heart because there's a hardening and I believe that hardening has to do with shame. I know it's a feeling of oh man, this person. It's so wonderful and you've as the encourager as the coach, you feel so good that they're listening and you're able to help them. And then there's this other person and you're thinking I could. I could help them, you know, the Lord could help them. The Lord could use me to help them, but they don't want to help themselves. They're like stuck in this situation by choice. And I guess I kind of wanted us to call that out today and challenge that person. You know, don't stay stuck in that. No, and I think about the story of the, in Bethesda, in the book of John where the waters stirred every day. Yep, yep. And some people, like some people, I need help getting into that pool, right? But they knew that the water was gonna stir. Why weren't they at the edge? Yeah.

And maybe freedom, maybe the idea of being set free was too scary. Being a victim and being in what I know is more comfortable. So it's almost like coming out of their shell. I'm almost afraid. Or maybe I don't deserve the goodness. See, there's an underlying shame there that will keep people bound. And that's why when I say secrecy and shame are the biggest lies that keep women and men bound. Because what if I am set free? What if we're gonna have to look at some of the ugly stuff? And we don't want to. A lot of people don't want to. But then what if? This is a good what if. What if you can be set free from this? What if you can help others set themselves free? What if God can use your story for his purpose? What if you can walk into the purpose that God has designed exclusively and uniquely for you? So there's that good what if. So I guess we pick our what if. I, right there. I mean, I was gonna ask you, how do you want to close this out? You know what I'm gonna say. But you just, you presented a challenge right there, Soleil.

And I appreciate that. And I enjoyed talking to you. There's so much more. Thanks for doing the deep dive. Just, I'll throw it back at you. If you just want to say one more thing that you feel is impactful, go for it. I think the biggest thing is know who you are in Christ. He does not condemn you. He receives you. And the life, so again, pick your what if. What if you really, really allow yourself to be open and allow him to heal those hurts. And you can walk into the promises that he's given us. Will they be easy? No, it's not easy. But through Christ. We can do all things, right? Man, Philippians 413? Mm-hmm. Thanks, Soleil. We are happy to provide our victorious living magazine free of charge in bulk with or without staples.