Comedy Night with Hank Denson || Victory Church

Your next comedian, we are like really grateful that he was able to be a part of tonight. He tours all over the world. Actually, right now he has a special that is on Amazon Prime and he's working to have a special release on Hulu real soon. So do me a favor, a big round of applause for Hank Denson. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Y'all better make some noise in here. Let me hear you one time. Let's go. I don't believe it. Let me hear you. Let's go. One time, let's go. Good. I was weird when I came in here and I was like, okay, there's some black people here. Okay. Okay. I was like, I don't know where I'm at. And then I came in and I saw the Afros.

I'm like, okay. And Den and Will. Okay. That's good. This is a good crowd. We got, okay. We got grown folks in here. Okay. Good, good. I like, I like to see my fellow CPAP members. How you doing? Are you good? Yes. I know a CPAP neck when I see one. Yes. Let's get it. The thing is, the life that you live now, and I see the younger generation here, the life that y'all live now is really amazing. Cause y'all can do whatever y'all want. You can eat whatever you want. It don't bother your body. Huh? When was the last time you had ice cream? Today. Huh? Today. It ain't nothing. Give me some ice cream. Huh?

It gets ugly. My wife, me and my wife downtown. She like, hey, you want to go get some ice cream? I'm like, yeah. We ride all the way downtown. It's 90 degrees. And I'm trying to be cute. We in the car. We get out. We did a belt, the belt. I gave her in Atlanta. We did a belt. I'm eating ice cream. She goes and she says, hey, I'm gonna get some butter pecan. I know butter pecan don't come in non-dairy, right? She gets it. She brings it out. I shovel it. Next thing you know, my stomach is. I'm looking at it. I'm holding a hand. I'm like, I'm gonna need my hand back. Cause I'm gonna need to put some pressure on this. She like, you don't want to hold my hand. I'm like, no, you lied to me. You said this was dairy. This don't make no sense. Then your stomach starts. You the only one that can hear it. You get in the car.

I hit the cooler in the seats. It does nothing. After a while, you're squeezing, smiling, squeezing. You ever have to get so bad where it puts you up on your toes almost? And then you try to play it off. Like I'm good. No, you're not. No, you're not. And you're in the car. I messed up my transmission, trying to squeeze and push at the same time. And it'll settle. This is the thing. It'll settle down. You'll be like, oh, I'm good. It's all good. Uh-uh, uh-uh. I don't care how much you pray, how much you love the Lord. As soon as you pull into your neighborhood, it tells your butt, let's go. As soon as you pull into Shady Pines, it's like, what are we waiting on? And you're running in place at a certain age. You forgot your garage code. That's how much pressure coming off your butt, right? Then your kid is running next to you. He thinks it's a game. It ain't a game.

I'll punch you in your face. It's not a game. And then you gotta get in the house, put your legs up on a squatty potty like a toddler, rock back and forth while you're taking an air. My wife in there rubbing on my back. I'm like, why are you even in here? The process of your life is good when you young. I got an 18-year-old at the house. Oh, I can't stand this Chipotle underachiever. Oh, I can't stand it. Always calling me twin. We ain't twins. We not twins. You see me. Your body changes though. And the thing is, I love it. When you're young people, y'all got a good life. Have the best time, laugh. Your body changes though. They don't get it. You tell them, I'll tell them. They have no idea. It take us a minute to get up. It take us a minute to do everything. He was talking about your leg go numb. Yeah, your leg will go numb a lot. And the thing is, you got these watches now. You ever have your watch go di-di,

and it tell you to breathe, Apple? I'm like, I've been breathing all day. And then you mix that with a bad stomach day. You in there, you on the toilet. It goes, di-di, breathe. You're like, okay. And then it'll go, di-di, stand up. Nah, mind your business, Apple. I'm gonna sit here until my leg goes numb. I'm gonna press on my side, I can sit back down. The thing is, your process in life is amazing, but they don't understand. Y'all are young. Our life was different. When we grew up, our parents put us outside, locked the screen door. Watch us hit cars. Look at this dummy here. They were like, I gotta pee. Pee outside, I seen you do it. Pee outside. They didn't care. You would bust your knee open, be bleeding down your knee. Nowadays, you got WebMD, your parents care about you, right? They're gonna care about your feelings. They'll take you to the hospital, spend a deductible. Nah, back at the end of the day, they'd be like, come in the house, and they'd pull out this stuff called Nucurochrome,

AKA nuclear actor fluid, yeah. And they would put it on your knee, it would make a scab in three seconds. And you know how crazy your parents were? They would peel it off and eat it. That's how crazy they were. Yeah, you look at that, look at your dad. He was a scab eater. He was a scab eater. The thing is, we with y'all though, because life is different. Now, y'all are different. Like, we gotta let y'all try stuff. Like, our parents didn't let us try meat in the grocery store. You know, and try and slice the meat. No. My mother had our meat wrapped in a plastic bulletproof cupboard. She had to cut that meat open. She would even leave a piece on the cook to see if we would choke, because she didn't care. about us. Nowadays you got to cut the crust off the sandwich because y'all can't swallow crust. When did a peanut butter and jelly sandwich come without crust? I can't have it. It's hurting my throat. Then you got to cut the sandwich in four or five pieces because y'all can't hold it. It's too heavy. You didn't cut my sandwich in five pieces but you can hold a fortnite controller for 86 hours. But you can't hold a sandwich. Look at the parents clapping. The parents like look I ain't gonna do but too many of those. There's only six of y'all in here. The thing is this is what I love. When I pulled up I thought I smelled weed but I was like no

no not this church because you know these churches be so progressive. They could tell you. You ever go to a church and they playing all the hits? You go there and they playing all the stuff. You be like y'all they shouldn't be playing it. You thought it was Kirk Franklin then it turned into 2 Chainz. You be like oh no I'm not giving my money to this church. This don't make no sense. They may be flipping my money in the streets. I understand because the process of our life is different. I understand every time I do a show and I get to be in front of young people I enjoy it because we always have this separation between us. Y'all don't get what we're going through. Our parents did the same thing to us. The little dances y'all do my mother would be like shut up don't do that. You look disgusting. Fix your shirt. Why your hair look like that? And the same stuff as y'all doing. Like nowadays I let my son go all the time. I let him explain to him and I got an 18 year old that's doing weird stuff right. Come in the house his room always smell like a little a hint of zoo dirt. I don't know what that smell is but I can't never smell. I can't find it but it get right in my nose a little bit and you'd be like is that you? I don't know what it is that you get in my room. Stop twin. I'm like I'm not your twin. I understand the processes of all of our life is to have a good time. We always put a lot of pressure on ourself. We always so sensitive. We can't handle anything. Like is anybody a vegan? Raise your hand so somebody can punch you in your face. Sick of you. I can't have nothing. Ain't nobody eating broccoli ever fix the car. I don't trust you. Because when we were younger we used to eat peanut butter. Crunchy jif was the most delicious thing that you ever happened to a peanut. You gotta make these sandwiches. You got welches, grape jelly, cut the crust off, send it off to the school. Y'all want takis and stuff in here. You ever see kids eat takis? You can't even get cheeto dust off your clothes. What's in that? Then nowadays you send a sandwich off to school. I made my son a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I thought I was doing a good thing. Wife was like yeah. I sent it off to the school with love. Kissed him on his forehead. Got to the house. Before I got home state troopers was flying around my house. Because the sandwich almost killed six kids at lunch. You can't have peanut butter nowhere near the school. But they got cocaine, gun, and weeds over there every week. I'm looking at my son like he's like it almost killed my friend Timmy. I was like what? Peanut butter. I was like what did they do? They stabbed him in the face. I'm like well they got good insurance. That was an EpiPen. That's good.

Then these kids now you see them. And these are younger kids. Y'all are teenagers. They ain't no like little. This is the only young person in here? Yeah. Yeah. You ain't had no Benadryl barbecue sauce or nothing? No. He's a good kid? Yeah. Okay. Good. That's what it is. I don't like they. He was talking about he got young kids at the house. We don't play that no more. We are empty nested. My son's leaving. Going to school in New York. He got into FIT. So I'm good. Yes. That's why I halfway look like I know what to wear. I would have been out here. I would have been dressed like some of his uncle at Home Depot if my son wasn't in the house. He ain't gonna make it though. My wife was like he ain't gonna do well in New York. She's like why not? I was like he's got asthma. He likes couscous. He's got a top sheet and a bottom sheet. His life is good. Yeah. We care about what he eats. We care about his feelings. Come on. Nah. Back in the day, we didn't care about what he ate. We cared about his feelings. Come on. Nah. Back in the day, our parents didn't care about our feelings. They didn't have seatbelts in the car. 76, 77. They didn't have a seatbelt in the car. Only thing was in that back seat was armor on. Do you understand me? The parents cared more about how your car looked than your safety. But they did lotion you up. The black kids know what I'm talking about. Parents are having eight pounds of lotion on you. Your father driving. He's you sliding back and forth in the back seat. You and your brother bumping off each other. He yelled out don't touch my windows. We're like we can't stop sliding. He didn't care. He put a window down, hit another corner. Your brother felt like you didn't look back. Understand the process of what it's going to be is a good time. And the thing is I travel so much and it's like and I have to say this. When I go on a place and it's a mixed diverse crowd, I love it, man. Because then the life is going to change. And the thing is when you're looking around and walking right across each other and it's like a little white girl in the middle, two black girls. That's a good mix, right? So you let her know some stuff that she shouldn't do and she let you know some stuff that you can get away with. That's good. I'm just looking at the demo now, though. Don't put this pressure on me. Look, I live here. I got a daughter that plays soccer, okay?

Top hat, NASA. I'm flying all over the place in Florida, Georgia mountains, places I shouldn't be as a black man on a Sunday morning at 8 o'clock, okay? We had soccer games, and my daughter scored a goal. They start playing fiddles. I'm like, oh, my God. I got my mother with me. She's like, mm-hmm, we ain't supposed to be up here. I was like, why not? She said, I remember running out of here. When? Years ago, me and Harriet. Harriet who? Harriet Tubman. She's faster than them. And that's the thing. We're in a place where we can laugh together about everything that goes on in our life. We done got weird where we don't see each other no more. We think that this world that we live on is just for that one nationality of people. It's for all of us. And as much as we laugh and we have a good time, it happens. It bridges the gap. And laugh at a lot of stuff. Laugh. Like, I tell anybody, all my friends, I say, hey, if you see black people laughing at something,

you laugh too, right? If you see us, because we can't hold it in. You know, we're like, ha-ha! Ah! Ah! We, no. We laughing, because there's so much stuff goes on that keeps you sensitive and weird. And the thing is, you have to fight that stuff every day. I laugh at everything. My kids, my wife, everything. I'm laughing. Ah-ha-ha. Hi-yi-yi. In they face. I don't even care. Ha-ha-ha-ha. We went out. And the thing is, they married people in here? There's no married. Look. OK? So you get it. Yeah, you look young, right? Young. Y'all right here, you married? How long y'all been married? Four years. Oh, yeah, it's new. Y'all still touching each other.

It's beautiful. Y'all still got love in your heart. Y'all still communicating. My wife don't even know I'm here, dog. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Oh, it feel good, don't it? You like somebody looking for you? This lady is not looking for me. Ha-ha-ha-ha. In fact, she don't even care. You know how she wake me up? She pinches my CPAP. Ah! Ha-ha-ha-ha. And she don't even care that she almost killed me. She don't even care. She like, ah, did you hear that? I'm like, no, you trying to kill me? You know I got CBD in that. Don't do that. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ooh. You're rushing me home in the bedroom. And the thing is, right now, you can control the temperature. Yeah. She cares about how you sleep and all that other stuff. My house, my bedroom is 30 degrees. 25 at night. Yeah. She like, white papa.

You want to make love? No. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. It's a winter storm in here. I got boots on. Your face. Ha-ha-ha. Go to bed. We just met our deductible. You ain't going to make me sick. Ha-ha-ha-ha. And she got the paws. So she's slippery. No, I'm not doing that. Yeah. So the thing is, but you got to understand, your life is going to change. Your body changes. I was getting dressed for church. And I tell this people because I feel like we comfortable. We family. I'm getting dressed for church. And I'm minding my business. Wife is like, hurry up. We're going to be late for church. And I'm like, shut up. Jesus is everywhere. And I'm putting on my shoes and socks right. I'm leaning over to tie up my shoe. And I feel a bug run down my leg.

And I'm like, ah, bug. First thing I know, women don't care about what the bug look like. Most women, phew, out of there. Now, as I was gathering myself together looking for the bug, I look in the mirror and realize it was my nipple touching my leg. And it's like, what part of your fat life where your breast meat would be so supple and soft? And it would stretch lightly. It would touch your leg so lightly. And I would think it was a bug. You ever cry and throw up at the same time? Wife came in with the home defense spray ready to kill the bug. She's looking for the bug. I'm like, I think it was my nipple. She's like, what? I think it was my nipple. Oh, my God. She didn't even hesitate. She grabbed the box, hit me in the face with it. I opened it up. I'm like, oh. She was like, come on. There's your Brawl B cup. Let's go to church. I'm in there like. The thing is, I really thought y'all were going to suck, but y'all good. You never know because the mix is weird. You know what I mean? Because I know kids don't really laugh. Like, at a certain age, y'all 21, 22. If it ain't social media, you know what I mean?

Because I got a kid. I got a 27-year-old at the house. They don't laugh. They just walk around trying to be mad like we live in the hood. I'm like, girl, shut up. We got money. What are you talking about? My daughter, she swear. Oh, you don't understand. We been through the hood. I'm like, girl, you had a humidifier? You had an air cleaner? That bothers me the most, the kids try to act hard on, I'm like, if you don't shut up, you ain't living no hood, girl. Please, y'all vegan, we kids was vegan, they couldn't have anything. Oh my gosh, we was eating Irish sea moss. You know about sea moss, huh? I know there's enough Nigerians here to know. Sea moss is stuff that black people make that makes white people nervous, that's all. It's just like ashwagandha, right? I scared my neighbor, because he was like, hey, what do you do to keep your stress level? I said, I have ashwagandha. And he was like, oh, really? I'm like, yeah. He's like, what happens when you eat it? I was like, and I kept looking at him, I was like, you just eat a little bit, and then he came out the next day, and he was talking to me, and I just looked at him, as more as he kept talking, and I didn't say nothing, I said, did you have the ashwagandha? He was like, yeah. And I said, good. Do you want to see something? He said, what is it? I said, oh, you didn't know, it turns your insides African. The more you eat it. That was too much, that was too much. Let me see. I understand this, you guys. I got to get out your face. I understand we're in this time on our planet, right? And I say planet, because we're all, y'all, some of y'all may go live overseas, whatever. We're in this time on our planet where you got to have the best time with whatever you got in front of you, right? I used to be a PA, pediatric orthopedics. I used to put kids back together, arms and legs. That's why I have such a strong vernacular, and you guys are comfortable with listening to me talk, because you have to settle people in.

I'm serious. I quit. I quit. I stopped doing that, because I got tired. People would judge you for what you're helping them with, and I would be putting kids together all over the city, and people come in, oh, my God, is he going to get hurt here? And I'm like, no, he got hurt at your house, not here. And then they ask stupid questions, like, oh, my God, where'd you go to school? And I'm silly, so I'd be like, oh, this is a work release program. I killed both of y'all in here. So, I understand, and I'm going to get out your face. We're in a time in our lives, and I don't know if you're young or old, but we have to see each other across the board, right? And no matter what goes on in this world around you, understand, build your community, love your community, laugh and love each other as much as you possibly can, because you only have today. My name is Hank Dixon. I appreciate y'all listening. Thanks for being a part of Victory Church on the Pando app. We hope this content was a blessing to you, but we want you to know that you're not done yet, because we want to hear from you. So, send us a letter and tell us things like what God is doing in your life, how we can pray for you, or even content that you would like to see us create in the future. We just want you to know that we see you, you're important to us, and we'd love to continue to create some things in the future that will bless you. So, send us a letter, and we hope to hear from you soon.