Why Do I Say Things I Regret? | Ryan Kramer

The moment it comes out of your mouth you're like Where in the world did that come from like it just it just comes out and then you're wondering where did that come from like? It wasn't something you rehearsed what something you really gave a whole lot of thought to but it was just it took the right Person at the right time right to say something and it just like it just came out And and then when it when it came out it was almost like You could you could see it land and as it as it landed You could see the face of the person who was the receiver of what you just said and then all of a sudden You realize it's time to go in a clean-up mode, right? You're like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that or you know, whatever we kind of have our reasons of trying to retract that that word back and I don't know if you've ever wondered why that happens or where that comes from but that's kind of where we're Going today, but I think a great example to help us wrap our heads around What's possibly happening in those moments when we say things and then we want to we want to take them back is Have you ever gone into a procedure or a surgery and you needed anesthesia done? Right and coming out of the procedure. What happens? Yeah, we begin saying some things that maybe we're not too too proud of and I came across the video of one of our TC youth that had a dentist appointment And he was coming out and he and they shot they did several reels on Instagram But I want to show you one of them this morning take a look I Think about bottles when we say no Jay, let's not get some attitude Yeah, I do I never heard a patient rock right after surgery. I love that. I love it You like music, huh? You like music? I love music. I'm gonna read it and just drop like yesterday She listened to it. What's the name? Jumping by J. Joe, J. I J. R. Oh Okay, why are you right there? Oh I I

I I I I Oh, go check him out. There's more on there that are hilarious but What's happening in those moments when we when we have the anesthesia and we come out of that and and we start saying some things that We're it may not normally be kind of us and it's it's the medicine that they give us that what does it do? It it begins to to bring us to a state of rest where we relax But it also starts removing the filter a little bit done it it starts taking the filter off of of what we would typically not say and I just I just want to do a quick shout out to all of our nurses if you're a nurse that's in the room or watch it online like Thank you for all you do and I'm just so sorry for all the things that we stupid people say coming out of Procedures that you just have to you have to endure and put up with but The reason why we say some of the things that we wouldn't normally say is because that that medicine Begins to bring the the filter down in our life and as funny as those videos are and I'm sure You could you could spend an hour going down the rabbit hole on Instagram watching some of those But as funny as those things are we all know that that the anesthesia medicine Is it the only thing that begins to pull the filter out of our speaking? Like stress in our life can begin to pull the filter down right exhaustion when we're tired We can begin to lose the filter of the things that we say When your kids are pitching a fit at bedtime and won't go to bed right the filter can begin to And when the filter begins to come off, we don't become a different person in those moments. The filter coming off begins to reveal who we've been all along the whole time. And when that stuff starts to come off, what do we do? We all, all of us, even myself, we try to convince ourselves that whoever that person is and whatever that, whatever we're saying

when the filter begins to come down, that that's not who we are. And I just wanna push back on that idea biblically today that what if that is who we are? Like when the filter begins to come off of our mouth, what if that is who we are? What if those moments aren't interruptions of who we are? But if they're revelation of who we are. You know, I know for me, I love, I desire to be the kind of person that when the filter comes off, that I'm not embarrassed later by the things that I said and my guess is that you probably wanna be that kind of person too. And so how do we get there? How do we get to a place that when stress begins to pull the filter off and exhaustion begins to pull the filter off, that our authentic self is somebody that doesn't have to apologize for what we just said? Well, the good news is Jesus talks about this exact thing in the New Testament. And today as we lean into Matthew chapter 12 and some collisions that Jesus has with a group of people, we're going to discover how we can get there, how we can get to a place so where we don't have to constantly apologize for everything that we say. Well, we're in week two of a series we've entitled my big fat mouth

and I just wanna welcome those of you that are here today for the first time. My name's Ryan, I have the honor of serving here as a lead pastor and wanna also give a quick shout out to those that are watching with us online and those that are at the Liberty Correctional Campus service today, would you give it up for them for watching, being a part? This series is all about taking an honest look at the words that come out of our mouth and we've built this series on the foundation or verse that's found in Proverbs chapter 18, verse 21 that says the tongue can bring one of two things, it can bring death or it can bring life and that those who love the talk will reap the consequences. And so last week we spent our time talking about why our words matter so much. Today we're gonna look at how Jesus shows us and where those words actually come from. Last week why they matter, this week where the words that come out of our mouth, where they are actually coming from so if you're taking notes today, I've entitled today's message a matter of the heart, matter of the heart, we're gonna be in Matthew 12 and today is a meat and potatoes word day, it's not a milkshake day so we'll lean in, I'm not expecting a whole lot of amenes today but we're gonna lean in, we're gonna grow

and see what the Lord wants to challenge us with in his word today. Father, we thank you for just an amazing time in your presence and we're thankful for the presence of your spirit that's in this room today. And so as we lean into these next few moments and we open your word, Lord speak to us today, Lord I pray that if there's anything within us that is not pleasing of you, Lord I pray that you would invite us into a season of seeing it, Lord so that we could step into all that you have for us in Jesus name, amen, amen. So Matthew chapter 12 and before we read what Jesus says in Matthew 12 I wanna make sure that we understand who he's talking to in this chapter. In Matthew 12, Jesus isn't talking about the worst people in the town. Jesus is talking about the most religious people in the town. And I know that this can be for us many times when we hear this title of Pharisee, we hear that title and we picture the villains right that are in all But I think we have to realize that in this day, like the Pharisees were the religious people. They were the people that the community looked up to, the people that, you know, they were praying. It was the people that was memorizing scriptures, the people that were tithing, and they were going to church multiple times a week, and they fasted, and I mean, the whole community

looked up to them as having it all together from a spiritual perspective. But here's the problem is that they were really good at worshiping God, but they were great at wounding people. They were good at worshiping God, but they were great at wounding people. And so, in Matthew 12, there is this, like I said, collision of Jesus and the Pharisees and these multiple situations that are happening. And I wanna walk us through those this morning. And what I want you to do is as we're reading these pieces of scripture, I want you to pay close attention to the words that are coming out of the Pharisees' mouth. In Matthew chapter 12, verse one, at about that time, Jesus was walking through some grain fields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry, and so they began breaking off some of the heads of grain and eating them, but some Pharisees saw them do it and they protested. Look, your disciples are breaking the law by harvesting grain on the Sabbath. So here in this moment, this collision, you've got some hungry men that are eating. And the first words that are coming out of the Pharisees' mouth is, look, they're doing it wrong. It wasn't words of compassion or understanding that the disciples were hungry, it was words of criticism.

And so Jesus' response to them was like, listen, I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices. In other words, Jesus was telling them, listen, you know God's rules, but you're missing God's heart in the process. And then a few verses later, another collision. It says in verse nine, that then Jesus went over to their synagogue where he notices a man with a deformed hand. The Pharisees asked Jesus, does the law permit a person to work by healing on the Sabbath? I mean, it was a trap question that was disguised as a question. I don't know if you noticed their words, but here you've got this hurting man that's right there in the church and they're more concerned with trapping Jesus than helping the man. Jesus heals them anyway, and look what ends up happening in verse 14. Then the Pharisees, they call a meeting to plot how are they gonna kill Jesus? I mean, Jesus heals a man in church and the church people call a meeting to killing. You see, they love their traditions more than they loved people. And I wanna just throw out a question for all of us to wrestle with this morning that when somebody does something that we don't agree with

or does it in a different way than we would do it, what is the first thing that comes out of our mouth? Is it curiosity? That leads us to ask some questions and to understand the why behind the decision or is it criticism? (gentle music) The curiosity just wanting to get to a place where you understand or is it criticism because they didn't do it the way we thought that it should be done. Let me take it one step further. When somebody walks into TC and they look different, are the first things that come to your mind? Is it sizing them up? Is it judging them? Is it looking over to the neighbor and pointing a finger or making a comment or do we go out of our way to make them feel like they're at home? You see the Pharisees would have sized them up. The Pharisees would have would have stepped back and gazed across the room and had some comments to say to one another but Jesus would have gone and sat down with them and befriended them. And that's why church we, one of our values, is love and our value statement is we love everyone because Jesus loved everyone that it doesn't matter what you look like. It doesn't matter how you dress. We just ask you to do it, right? It doesn't matter where you've come from. It doesn't matter how much money is in your bank account. It doesn't matter what's on your record. It doesn't matter what you did last night. It doesn't matter how difficult the last decade has been in your life. We take the position that Jesus takes which is we love everyone because He loved everyone. And so our position, no matter where you are and what your background is, is welcome home. Like that's our position because that was the heart of Jesus. But I want you to watch what happens when the Pharisees see Jesus love somebody just like that. Like if it was today Jesus is sitting on

one of the sides and you see somebody come in and not dress the right way or not doing the right things per se. And Jesus would go out of His way to go over and befriend and sit next to and maybe even invite Him to lunch. And then the Pharisees would respond in this way. In Matthew chapter 12 verse 22 says then a demon possessed man who was blind and couldn't speak was brought to Jesus, right? So Jesus heals the man so he could both speak and see. And the crowd was amazed like like the people around were like dude that was pretty cool watching what Jesus just did. Says it could it could it be that Jesus is the son of David the Messiah but verse 24 says but when the Pharisees heard and they heard about the miracle they said no wonder he can cast out demons. He gets his power from Satan the Prince of demons. Think about that for a second Jesus sets a man free and the Pharisees can't even celebrate his newfound freedom because it's not happening the way that they think it should happen. And what's so tricky about the spirit in the in the Phariseeical spirit is they thought they were doing the right thing the whole time. They thought they were the guardians of the law trying to to protect and and live a life for God and God in the flesh was right in front of them and they couldn't even see him. And this is this is that moment following that that Jesus answers the question that that we posed earlier in the message that where is this coming from where are the words that are coming out of my mouth where are they coming from and and Jesus says in verse 33 he says a tree is identified by its fruit that if a tree is good its fruit will be good. If a tree is bad its fruit will be bad. He says to the Pharisees you brood of snakes how could evil men like you speak what is good and right. Let's think about this for a moment because everybody that would have been surrounding would have thought them to be the most holy people around and Jesus is looking at them and saying evil. Jesus tells them for whatever is in your heart that's what determines He says a good person produces good things from the treasury, right? What's stored up on the inside, the treasury of a good heart? And an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart.

So how do we say things that we're not going to regret later? See, it's not stress that's causing it, it's not exhaustion, it's not even the person that keeps pushing our buttons. But what happens is, is those things in our life begin to remove the filter so that we then can see what's truly coming from our heart? If you're taking notes, I want you to write this down. Our words aren't the problem, they're proof. Our words aren't the problem, they're proof. They're proof of what is deep down inside of us, that the filter has just been able to keep from seeping up, but once the stress gets big enough and the exhaustion gets big enough and the frustration gets big enough, the filter then begins to dissipate and all of a sudden this stuff that is in our heart begins to come out. I think of it like, like an orange, right? What's going to happen if I cut a hole into this or I cut it in half and I begin to squeeze the orange, like orange juice is going to come out. Not apple juice, not grape juice, but orange juice is going to come out and the reason why is because it's an orange. Here's what this means. If I squeeze it, orange juice is coming out. If I throw this thing over to JJ, which I am not doing because I don't trust my arm, I'm going to knock somebody up inside the head. If JJ squeezes it, what's coming out? Orange juice. If we go around the room and everybody takes a squeeze, what's coming out? Orange juice. It doesn't matter who's doing the squeezing when it's squeezed, what's on the inside comes out. Here's what that means. That when that rude co-worker says what they say about you and the squeeze happens, what comes out is not because of them, what comes out is because it was already there. Like when that slow driver is in the fast lane and will not get out of the lane, I'm not manipulating anything in this moment. I'm just saying. What comes out of me when I can't get them out of the way is what's inside of me. It's not their fault that Ryan is screaming to the top of his lungs, get out of the way. It's inside. The kids at bedtime trying to get them to sleep, right? And they begin to just squeeze us. What comes out is what's on the inside. The pressure doesn't create the juice. It reveals it. Let me take a moment, if you're not a church person, you can chill out and enjoy the next few minutes. Let me talk to the church people, and this is me too, because a few chapters later, Jesus has another collision with the Pharisees. The Pharisees, again, they're getting upset with

the disciples, because the disciples aren't doing things the way the Pharisees think that they should be done, and Jesus looks at them, and he's like, Isaiah was right. me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. You know what I find interesting about the statement is the word honor, because to me that means there is a high amount of respect that is given, but just because there is a high amount of respect that is given doesn't mean that it resides in the heart. He says their worship is a farce for they teach man-made ideas as commands from God. And this is kind of like Samuel, right, when he's going to anoint King and what does God say? Like God doesn't, man looks at the appearance, right, the outer appearance, but God looks at the heart. See what's frustrating Jesus in this moment is you've got these people that everybody else looks up to and they're singing the songs and they're dressing the part and they're praying powerful, powerful prayers and they're memorizing scriptures. But when the squeeze comes, it reveals where their heart really is. You see, friend, our worship reveals what we want to be. It's our words that reveal who we are. How do we become the kind of person, if you're not a church goer, come back with me, come back with me, come back with me. How do we become the kind of person whose words don't need an apology? Jesus helps us see in that verse 33 part where he says either make the tree good and it's fruit good or make the tree bad and it's fruit bad, but the tree is known by it's fruit. I don't know if you caught that in this verse, but Jesus didn't say like fix the fruit, which is what we always try to do. We're always trying harder and we're, you know, I'm just not going to say anything and all these, these kind of approaches to try to filter what is deep down in there. And what Jesus is saying is if you want to be able to live the kind of life where you're not having to constantly apologize for the words that come out of your mouth, forget about the filter and focus on the root of what's in your heart. See, a better filter in our life is never going to fit to battery.

You can come up with as much stuff as you want to to try to filter the words that you say, but if, if we don't ever fix what's in here and things are never going to change, we're going to try harder and hurt people more and it's just going to be the cycle that keeps happening over and over again. A friend, here's, here's the good news where you and I get off the hook just a little bit. It's not our job to fix our heart. It's God's job to fix our heart. However, it does require us to walk in humility. It does require us to surrender control. To surrender our preferences, to surrender our way. It's in coming before the Lord and surrendering in that kind of way that allows him to be able to do the heart work that is necessary in order to change what is in the treasury of our heart. Here's the promise that I will give you a new heart. And I'll put a new spirit in you, which means the heart is what's on the inside. The spirit is what everybody else encounters and experiences about us. And he says, I'm gonna take out your stony and your stubborn heart. And I might give you a tender and a responsive heart. For that's not heart management. That's a heart transplant. And so last week, the challenge for us as we began to look at the reality that our words matter, the challenge that I gave you for the week was to weigh your words before you release them. So when something began to happen and you began to feel that beginning to come up, to create a pause in the moment

so that you could weigh the words that you're about to say before you release them. How'd everybody do with that? It's a good thing we're not tracking score, right? We were at lunch and I was like, oh, gotta weigh my words, gotta weigh my words. For and keep doing that, that pause matters. But I wanna take it one step further today and the challenge this week is not just to weigh our words before we release them, but this work week then began to trace the fruit to the root. So we're gonna pause and we're gonna weigh our words, but then as the words come out of our mouth and the reality is none of us are gonna be perfect, but as they begin to come out of our mouth, then all of a sudden we're tracing that to the root. Here's what I don't want. I don't want us walking out today and trying the filter and trying to do it harder because friend you and I, we've been trying that for years or decades and it just, it doesn't work. What I wanna challenge you to is to leave here today and allow God to do something deeper in you this week. And here's what this could look like. If you're taking notes, here's a little practical practice that you can do this week. Search me, show me, shake me. Search me, show me, shake me.

When you wake up, I wanna challenge you to ask the Lord to search you. This is that prayer in Psalm 139, right? Search me, oh God, and know my heart. Don't skip the next two words. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. Friend, those two words, test me is important. You know, I know that all of us want a life that is easy. All of us want a life where we don't have a whole lot of like pushback or challenges or difficulties but it's in the testing that we learn who we are. We see where our life is anchored to and who we trust and the testing is super important. Like think about this for a moment. Whatever it is that you're walking through right now, it feels like a test. It's a season of difficulty and you don't really know how you're gonna get through it and you're just wrestling with that. Change the focus. Don't look at it as being a victim of what's happening. Look at it as an opportunity to see where you are in your journey with Jesus. Because, friend, you gotta be able to see it before you can soar. Like you gotta be able to see the areas of your life that are strong and the areas of your life that aren't so that God can be invited into those moments to work on those areas in our life in order to open doors for new seasons.

I'm gonna take a step outside of my notes and I'm just gonna say this today. Like some of you are wondering why is this constantly a cycle in my life over and over and over again? It's like I can't get out of difficulty. I can't get out of the squeeze in my life and I just wanna present to you today is because there's lessons that God is trying to teach you in these seasons, but for whatever reason, maybe it's pride, maybe it's arrogance, maybe it's a lackadaisical attitude or just kind of like dismissive of God or whatever that is causing you to not learn the lessons he's trying to learn or keeps you in this place to where you don't have the necessary skill sets for the next season that he has for you. Listen, think about this. The season of difficulty that you're walking in right now are the building blocks for the season of opportunity that he has for you next. And if you don't have those building blocks then you won't be able to withstand or endure the next season. And so take a moment at the beginning of the day and say God, search me and test me. Like whatever areas of my life that are not anchored to you help me to be able to see those. And then during the day, like the moments that you say something and you're like (grunts) I wish that I wouldn't have said that

the wrong thing comes out then pause and ask the Lord to show you. I think of Psalms the next verse, point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life. Like when you say something, like I asked the Lord, show me what is it in me that is offending you, the root in me, the treasury of my heart that is not aligned with your heart, what is it? And then before you go to bed, a simple prayer and invite God to shape you. Invite God to do the inner work that he's wanting to do in your heart. And I don't know if you've caught this with our benediction but that's essentially what that is in Psalm 19. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart acceptable and pleasing to you. It's this invitation to God search me and then show me and then shape me. And when we do this, I think the Apostle Paul helps us get a glimpse to see what that heart transplant begins to look like because all of a sudden we begin to start seeing some of the fruit of the spirit operating in our life and in our mouth. He says in Galatians five that the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit, love and joy and peace and patience kindness and goodness, faithfulness and gentleness and self-control. Frank, can you imagine the difference? If that was the kind of juice that came out of us

when our lives were squeezed. Imagine what our relationships would be like. Imagine what our marriage would be like, what our kids would be like, what our workplace might be like if when we were squeezed that was the fruit of the spirit began to come out of us. (soft music) Frank, that kind of life is not a better filter, it's a new heart. I believe that's exactly what God wants to do and each and every one of us. You're staying with me today. (soft music) My guess is this some of you have been really squeezed lately. (soft music) Maybe it's some bitterness that you've been carrying for years or maybe it's the way that you talk to your spouse or your kids. Maybe you even recognize that there is just a critical spirit that when, instead of curiosity rising up, it's being critical that rises up. Maybe for some today it's like the Pharisees. You've been close to God with your lips. You know all the prayers to pray. You know how to act when you come into this room? But your heart. You feel as cold and as distant from God that you've ever felt. And here's what I know is that God brings His Word and brings us into these moments not to bring condemnation, but it's an invitation to a better way.

That there is grace and there is mercy and there is forgiveness. Friend, there's restoration for marriages that your words have created so much pain. It's not over. Maybe your kids today, they don't talk to you. They've moved on and they're far from God and you wrestle with the weight and the condemnation and the guilt and you wish that you could go back and you wished that you could do it differently. And so now you focus on the filter. You focus on trying to have the filter in place anytime that you're around them. And I would just say, friend, there's grace and mercy at the foot of the cross that we serve a God, a redeeming God, which means what we have lost and what we have messed up in our own world that when we come and we bring it at the foot of Jesus and we surrender, control and preference and how things should be done, that He takes the humility of that and He wraps His arms around us and we receive forgiveness and He begins to do a work that we can't do. Friend, could it be that the areas of your life, especially relationally, that I carry the most pain right now and the most regret? It's not about you doing something different or saying something different that's going to fix it. It's about you allowing God to do something different here first. This morning, I want to take a moment. I want to pray our team is going to go back into a moment of worship and our altars are going to be open. If you feel like the Lord is just stirring something in your heart, if you're tired, you're tired of constantly having to apologize for the things that you say. You're tired of the destruction that you leave in your wake. You know it's not your desire to do it, but it just keeps happening over and over again or maybe today. You just need to have a new, fresh, and encounter with the Holy Spirit. I want to invite you to come to surrender yourself to Him today and let Him do what only He could do. Thank you so much for tuning in today. We hope you enjoyed it and if you did, make sure you subscribe. Also, if something spoke to you in a special way, share it with a friend because you never know how it could transform someone's life. If you're interested in checking out our service times, make sure you go to our website at transform tlh.com and we hope to see you at TC on a Sunday. Thanks so much and have a great day.