Why Being in the Same Room Isn't Enough | Love Languages: Quality Time | Josiah Guajardo

Well, good morning. Today, we wrap up our Love Language series. And if you don't know me, my name is Josiah Guajardo. I get to serve here as the online pastor, and I'm so thankful to be with you today, excited to share the word as we're finishing our Love Language series. Thank you to Pastor Alex for the opportunity to speak to you today. I'm excited for what God has in store for you and for me today. But before we jump in, I wanna remind you of a couple things that are coming up. Next week, we're kicking off a brand new series with Pastor Alex called The Table, where we'll spend a few weeks looking at what the Lord's Supper really means and why it still matters to you and to me today. And then on August 30th, we're having Gospel Sunday. And so let me ask you a question. Who are you investing in and who are you inviting? Right, we talk about invest and invite. And so what I want you to do is start praying now about who God is putting on your heart to bring. But today, we're finishing our final Love Language. And honestly, this might be one of the most important for every married couple in the room because every healthy marriage and really every healthy relationship requires this, quality time.

And so before we dive in today, I would take a minute just to pray and to prepare our hearts before we jump into quality time of our Love Language. Let's pray today. Father, we're so thankful for you. I thank you for all that you're doing and what you've done in this series, God, and how to love people well. God, my prayer is that we come out of this, that we would be fluent in them, Father, so that we could receive and give love in the way that people do, so we can reach people, love people, and help them advance in their journey with Christ. And really, God, some of them, just help them know Jesus. God, be with us today. Help me to speak to your church, your vision, and your words, God. We love you, we thank you. In Jesus' name we pray, amen and amen. Well, over the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about this. And so let's start with just the definition of Love Languages overall. And it's this, Love Languages are the five basic ways that we speak and understand emotional love. And so those five Love Languages, right, we've covered all of them. Acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch,

words of affirmation, and quality time. The last four weeks have been incredible. And if you missed any of them, I'm gonna encourage you to go back and watch them. And if you haven't already, and you can still visit our resource page so you can take the Love Languages assessment. It's a great tool for you to understand yourself and the people around you. Now, I think quality time is one of those things that everyone assumes they understand. But just like we've seen throughout this series, two people can be speaking completely different Love Languages. And even when two people value quality time, they don't always mean the exact same thing. One person thinks quality time is this, sitting on the couch watching a movie, while the other thinks it is putting their phone away, looking at each other eye to eye and having a real conversation. You see, same words, but different meanings. Every week during this series, we follow the same model, right? We started with the definition, and then we looked at the dialects, and then ended with the demonstration with the application. And so let's continue with that today. And so let's start with the definition of quality time. It's receiving love through meaningful conversations

and shared activity. But before we go any further, let me remind you of something we've said throughout this series. Every one of us has at least one primary Love Language. It's the way we naturally receive love. But the goal isn't just to know your Love Language, it's to become fluent in all five. And you're saying, well, why is that? Because the people God has placed in your life and in my life don't all receive love in the same way. If you're going to love people well, we need to learn how to speak their Love Language, not just our own. And so that's what we have to do because people whose primary Love Language is quality time are usually great at relationships. They're present, they're loyal. They invest deeply in the people around them. They have a way of making you feel like you're the only person in the room. They don't just have conversations, they build connection. Because they value presence so highly, their relationships are often deep and meaningful. We actually see the foundation for this all the way back in creation. In Genesis 2, God created Adam from the dust of the ground. And this is what it says. Then the Lord God said, it's not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper who is just right for him. Even God came down to visit with Adam and Eve in the garden. Genesis 3.8 says, when the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. But then sin entered the picture. And instead of running toward God, Adam and Eve hid from him. Sin drove a wedge between God and humanity, and it also created distance between people. And that's still what sin does today. It distorts relationships. Listen, it causes us to settle for being around people without actually being with them. You know what I'm talking about. We can be sitting in the same room, riding in the same car, even eating at the same table, yet be completely disconnected. That's why we have to understand what quality time really is. When we say quality time, the emphasis is the word quality. It's quality over quantity. Anyone who knows good food understands this. There are days when a fast food burger hits the spot. And although these days it costs about as much as a steak, but there's those restaurants with only a handful of items on the menu. And have you ever noticed that the smaller the menu,

the more expensive the meal? My biggest nightmare is when they hand me no menu at all, and all they say is, we're serving one thing. At that point, I'm thinking, well, do they got a layaway plan because this is gonna be expensive. But the point is this, quality time always is meaningful. It always costs more because it's worth more. The same is true in relationships. Quality matters more simply counting hours together because quality time strengthens the relationship. It deepens trust. It builds intimacy. It's the difference between eating a thick cut steak and grabbing a quarter pounder on the way home. One fills you up for a moment, but the other becomes an experience that you remember. Dr. Gary Chapman, the man of the five love languages, finds it this way. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don't mean sitting on the couch watching television together. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking. I think it's such an important distinction. Quality time isn't just proximity, it's presence. Real quality time requires us to be fully engaged emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. That means putting the phone down. That means turning off the TV, not checking notifications

when someone is sharing their heart. It means giving someone your full attention because they deserve it. Don't multitask your relationships. Physical presence doesn't guarantee emotional or spiritual presence. And don't wait until your relationship is in trouble before we start making time for it. The four words nobody wants to hear in a marriage is this, we need to talk. Usually by that time someone says they've been trying to communicate for a long time. Don't make quality time your last resort. Make it a regular rhythm. Build it into your life before there's a crisis. And the good news is that quality time doesn't have to be elaborate. It doesn't require expensive vacations or extravagant dates. And that's helpful for me because I get nervous, right? Because of the things I have to feel like, the pressure I have to, too. Sometimes it's simply just taking a walk together, sitting across the table at dinner, riding in the car without distractions or enjoying a hobby together. You know, one of the things that happened to Delmi and I when we started dating, right, we were two broke college students. I talked a little bit about that in the first week of this series is we began to learn

that sometimes the only way to spend some quality time without spending money was to just take a drive or maybe go hang out at a park. Why? Because sometimes it just included meaningful conversation, just hanging out with each other. And sometimes it doesn't. It's just being with each other. And that's where there's a little overlap with words of affirmation. In the right moment, you can be speaking words that encourage while also giving someone the gift of your undivided presence. Both love languages can be happening at the same time. But here's the key. Quality time requires you to be present. And I don't just mean physically present. You can be sitting in the same room and still be 1,000 miles away. You've experienced that before. But being present means giving your attention. It means being fully engaged in the moment. It means making eye contact instead of listening, instead of waiting for your turn to talk and ask questions and showing genuine interest in the conversation. And you're saying, why does that matter? Because when you give someone your full attention, you're communicating something powerful that you matter to me. And that's what makes someone feel valued,

important, and deeply loved. And here's what's interesting. Even if quality time isn't your primary love language, it's still incredible. It's incredibly beneficial. Every healthy relationship grows when people intentionally spend time together. Quality time creates a space for your meaningful conversations. It deepens emotional connection, and it builds memories that you'll carry for years. It also helps you understand each other better. And why understanding increases, conflict usually decreases. A lot of arguments don't start because people are angry. They start because people feel unwanted. heard, so if you wanna speak this love language well, make it a priority to remove the distractions, put the phones away, turn off the TV. If you're on a date, don't spend the whole time checking notifications, be present. And yes, if the kids interrupt every 30 seconds, right, I got a toddler and a one-year-old, this is literally what I'm talking about, all the time. But what happens is, what we need to do is sometimes in a loving way just say, hey, give us a minute. Protect that time, right, sit face-to-face, be fully engaged and really listen. When you do that, you're reflecting the heart of God through scripture, we don't see a distant God who is busy for his people, no, we see a God who draws near,

a God who listens, a God who is present. That's the kind of relationship he desires with us. And it's the kind of presence that we're called to give to the people we love and the people around us. Look at Exodus 33. It says, inside the tent of meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face-to-face as one speaks to a friend. And this is the same pattern that Jesus followed. In Mark 1 verse 35 says, Jesus got up early to get alone with God. In Luke 5 verse 16 says, Jesus often went to the wilderness to get alone and pray. He didn't just spend quality time with God. That alone time fueled his quality time with his friends. Let's look at Mark 9 verse 30. It says, leaving that region, they traveled through Galilee. Jesus didn't want anyone to know he was there for he wanted to spend more time with his disciples and teach them. In fact, there's one story that really hammers how important this is. Luke 10, as Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister Mary sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing.

She came to Jesus and said, Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and to help me. But the Lord said to her, my dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There's only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and it will not be, it will not be taken away from her. Let's look at how Jesus modeled this in Luke 10 with Mary and with Martha. The Bible says that Martha said welcomed him into her home. This wasn't some random encounter where they happened to see Jesus walking by and he yelled, hey Jesus, do you have a few minutes? No, this was intentional. Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem and he intentionally stopped to spend time with Martha and Mary. You see, healthy relationships don't happen by accident. They happen because someone chooses to make time. Someone was intentional. And then he says, then the scripture says that Mary sat at the Lord's feet. That's significant because that was the posture of a disciple. Mary wasn't just hanging around Jesus. She wanted to learn from him. She believed he had something to say that would change her life.

She understood that time with Jesus wasn't wasted at time. It was the most valuable investment she can make. You see, it's the same, it's true for us. Every time we spend quality time with Jesus, he shapes us, he teaches us, he changes us. Then we read that Martha was distracted and isn't that the biggest enemy of quality time? You see, distractions will eliminate quality time. One of the hardest things for you and for me to do is to put our phone down. Isn't it amazing that Martha wasn't distracted by bad things? She was distracted by good things. You see, she was serving, she was preparing, she was doing something that mattered, but in the middle of doing something good, she missed what was better. It's a question for us to ask ourselves today. Are you chasing after good things in life while you're missing the better things in your relationships? Jesus tells Martha that Mary's choice will not be taken away from her. In other words, the investment she was making would last. That's true in our relationships too. If you want your marriage, your friendships, your family, and even your relationship with God to stand firm and stand the test of time, you have to invest quality time into them. Strong relationships don't happen by chance. They're built one intentional moment on top of another.

Now, just look at every love language. Quality time has dialect. And I shared a little bit about one of our dialect stories with Delma and I, with her being from El Salvador and me being Mexican and our Spanish. You can go back and watch week one of that, but it continues that she was learning English, right? She says instead of backpack, she says book bag. Instead of the grocery store, she says supermarket. And so it's the same thing, but a different dialect on how she was taught English. And for quality time, there's four of them. They're scheduled, unscheduled, present-orientated, and future-oriented. The first two are pretty straightforward. Some people love having quality time planned, put it on the calendar, send the invite. They know it's coming and so they love it. Others would rather be spontaneous. And this is Delma, she loves to be spontaneous. It stresses me out, but she loves to go and just go with the wind and let's see what happens for that day. And I'm like, we gotta plan some of this out. But she loves it when I say, let's go grab coffee or let's just go on a drive without weeks of planning. And the truth is, most people appreciate a little bit of both. And the second set of dialects is a little bit deeper. Some people are present-oriented.

They're not worried about the clock, they just want to enjoy being together. They're not counting down the minutes, they're enjoying the moment. And for them, the rest of the world really fades away and they're with the people they love. And others are more future-oriented. They love dreaming together. They want to talk about what's next. They enjoy planning vacations and setting goals and talking through the calendar and imagining what the future could be like. They're the ones who say, we should do this again. And they actually pull out their phone and schedule it before they leave. And so those are the dialects. And so you're saying, well, how do we live this out? Well, that gets to the demonstration. Remember, every love language has to be spoken and heard. And just like the other languages, we can express it in the spirit and in the flesh. So we've had this diagram all throughout this series and I hope it's been as useful, as impactful to you as it's been for me. Just being able to have that and taking a picture of it and just knowing when I'm in the flesh and when in the spirit. And so when someone receives quality time in the spirit, they find deep connections in each interaction. You see, they ask questions.

They wanna know your story, your family, your passion and how God has been working in your life. They're not just collecting contacts, they're building relationships. They value people because people matter. But when we're in the flesh, we become clingy or controlling. People become clingy or controlling. Instead of closeness, it turns to clinginess. Instead of love, it becomes control. A busy schedule starts to feel like rejection and independence feels like abandonment. And eventually, people begin to feel smothered instead of love and that's why every love language has to surrender to the Holy Spirit. See, the same is true when we give this love language. When we're in the spirit, you make the other person feel like the most important person in the room. You listen, you engage, you make eye contact, you're fully present, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. If you've ever wondered what makes someone truly charismatic, I think this is a huge part of it. People love being around those who make them feel seen, not because it's a technique but because it's genuine. And when you authentically value people, love has a way of multiplying itself. But in the flesh, spend time with someone to only gain their loyalty. You spend time with someone

because of what they can do for you. You spend time with someone because you feel like they're more important instead of connect. You're looking over your shoulder trying to find someone more important to talk to or maybe you're building a relationship because you think that it'll help you get close to a deal or close a deal or help you gain something. You see, the moment you begin to ask, what can I get out of this relationship? You've stopped loving in the spirit and you've started loving in the flesh. So let me leave you with a few practical ways to make daily check-ins. Build simple rhythms to your day, even if it's 15 uninterrupted minutes together, but put your phone away and be present. Second, prioritize weekly date nights. Or if you're not married, weekly hangs with some of your friends who you're intentionally trying to build a relationship with. And yes, double dates and hanging out with other people are fun, but they don't replace one-on-one time. Depending on your spouse's dialect, even watching a movie together can count as a chance to build a relationship. Third, take regular getaways. They don't have to be expensive or extravagant. Sometimes one night away does more for your relationship

than a week of you trying to get close. catch up and home. And finally this, look for adventures, try something you've never done before. Pick up a hobby together, start a new tradition. Even if you're entering an empty nester season, that doesn't have to be the end of your relationship. It could be the beginning of something new, of learning and developing new things together. You see, don't wait until there's a problem before you start investing quality time. Build it into your relationship now and let your relationship with God set the pace for every other relationship in your life. Spend time with him first because when your relationship with God is healthy, every relationship has a better chance of being healthy too. If you've never begun a relationship with Jesus, there's a place for you to start. More than anything else, God wants a relationship with you. That's why Jesus came. He came to remove the barrier of sin so you can know him personally. And as I close this morning, one of the things I begin to face in my own life, I've talked about them before. I have two kids and my four-year-old boy, his name is Josiah, and we do a lot of things together. He loves to play with cards

and one of the things that has come up lately and as I even was convicting as I began to study for this is we'll be playing and all of a sudden he'll say, dad, no phones. Dad, put your phone away. And he does that because he wants my undivided attention. We're spending time together but yet that thing becomes a distraction. And you know exactly what I'm talking about today. Your phone hardly leaves places without you or you hardly leave places without your phone. It's always there, it's at the table, it's in your pocket, it's right next to your bed. As my son began to say this, I began to have some real conviction. That thing was taking away lots of things in my life to build meaningful relationship with my son, my daughter, and my family. And for some of us today, it's taking away from meaningful conversation. For others, it may be the very thing that's keeping us from spending time with the Lord. So I just wanna encourage you, have healthy habits with that thing. It's the number one distraction a lot of times in our lives. And so as I close today, I just wanna remind you to be intentional with your relationships. Be intentional with your spouse and your kids. Be intentional with your parents and your family.

Be intentional with your friends. Continue to build healthy relationships because that's what God has called us to do. As we get ready for August 30th and Gospel Sunday, it's a great way to begin spending quality time and investing in people so that we have the opportunity to invite them to church. Would you close your eyes today? And as we wrap up this series, we've done this every week, I would love to just pray this blessing over you and that we would leave not just knowing about this love language, but being fluent in all of them so that we can love people well. Let's pray. Lord, help us both to give and receive the love language of quality time in the best way possible, not in the flesh, but through your spirit. Help us to be fully present with you and fully present with the people you've placed in our lives. God, I'm thankful for what you're doing in our church and God, what you're going to do this fall, Father. Be with us today. Help us to love people well and help us to be fluent so that we can love people through their love language. God, we love you, we thank you, and in Jesus' name we pray, amen and amen. Can we thank the Lord for what he did today?