It Was Never About the Gift | Love Languages: Receiving Gifts | Pastor John Wheeler

So while we're here, I'd like to say Happy Easter! and thank you so much for watching and for assuming you are already our subscribers and for listening to this video. It means a lot, so that means more. It means a lot of going back into YouTube and thinking about the past and remembering the past! And all the stories, and 94 avengers, and it means a million things. All the stories and not only hearing all the stories and learning all the things with you um in this very very special video. Well, we're in a series on the five love languages. Maybe you read the book by that title and if so, all the better. This can just be a refresher for you and most of us need refreshers from time to time. But others of you, the notion that there are actually different kinds of languages through which expressions of love are best received is something entirely new. And you're wondering is that even true?

Well, if that's you, I'm especially glad you're joining us in this series because understanding these love languages and how they affect us and our relationships with others and our communication with those we care about can make a great deal of difference. Understand, this is not a series on marriage. If you thought it was, it isn't. However, if you are married and that's great, but I would encourage you if you're married, you pay close attention to what we're discovering and learning about these languages all through this series because what you'll learn can make a great difference in your relationship with your spouse and your marriage. I'm just saying, married or unmarried, used to be married, no intention of ever being married, wherever you land in any of those categories, this series is designed with you in mind where focus is on relationships in general. God made us for relationship. He created us for relationship, first of all, with Him, our Heavenly Father,

the vertical relationship, but also the horizontal relationships we have with others. And all of those relationships are to be characterized by one thing, love. We're to love one another. That was Jesus' command for His followers. He called it His new command. He said to those men who had gathered and followed Him and spent that last evening sharing the Passover meal together before the cross, He said to them, a new command I give you, a new command, that you love one another. He went on to be very specific that we are to, He said, as I have loved you, so you must love one another as I have loved you. So we're to love one another. Our model is Jesus Himself. We're to love each other in the same way that He has loved us, which means clearly sacrificially. It's sacrificially giving. Jesus literally poured out His life for us. He gave Himself up for us on that cross.

So for us to live out His command is going to mean giving of ourselves, which brings us to the love languages, all of which are about that very thing, giving of ourselves. So here they are. Acts of service, we looked at that last Sunday. Pastor Josiah did a great job introducing what acts of service are all about. And if you missed last Sunday, I encourage you to go to the website and catch up on acts of service. The four others are receiving gifts, physical touch, Words of affirmation and quality time. Five different ways in which people best receive love. I want to focus on that phrase, best receive love. There are five different languages in which that happens. We're taking time to unpack each of them because learning to speak love the way another person best receives love is actually an act of love. But what happens very often, and Josiah talked about this last

week, what happens is we tend to give love the way we like to receive love because we think the other person is like us. For example, let's say a person's love language is receiving gifts. And we're going to unpack that one this morning. Suppose this person, whose love language is receiving gifts, wants to express how much he or she loves or appreciates this other person and goes to a great deal of effort to carefully select a perfect gift, seemingly, wraps it up beautifully, and presents it, not realizing that this person's love language is quality time. And what was sincerely intended to be an expression of love may, in fact, have cost a good deal of money, in fact, to express that love, winds up meaning very little. And why is that? Different languages. Does that really happen? Yes, it actually happens.

And there could be some here this morning who could testify about you being a part of an experience just like that. It actually happens. That's why learning to speak love, the way the other person best receives love, is actually an act of love. And why all of us need to become fluent in the love languages. You say, well, okay, which one? All of them. You saw that coming, right? All five. We're to be proficient in the love language because each of the languages is going to show up somewhere in the circle of lives that your life intersects. They're going to show up. If you're married, your spouse has a love language. Actually, he or she probably has a primary love language and maybe one or even two secondary love languages. If you have children, they will have their own love languages. Your friends will have their

love languages. Your extended family will. Those in your community group will have their love languages. People you work with and on and on it goes. Turns out we actually do speak and best receive love through these different languages. Therefore, if you want to express love the most meaningful way possible, it just makes sense that we would put ourselves out enough, and maybe it's not really sacrificial, but at least put ourselves out enough to learn how to speak love the way the other person best receives love so we can love each other well. Are you with me? Are you with me? Okay. Just checking. These aren't just interesting ideas. It's important that we get how this works. So, today, we're zeroing in on the love language of receiving

gifts. And out of all the languages, all five of the languages, this is the one most likely to be misunderstood. And why is that? Because of what it sounds like. It sounds like this is a person who is materialistic in outlook, just interested in getting a bunch of stuff, which isn't the case at all unless... And we'll come back to the unless in just a moment. But just understand that having the love language of receiving gifts is not inherently materialistic. Are you okay with that? Just accept that as a fact. But let's look at what it actually is about. The definition of this language. Receiving love through thoughtful gifts... tangible expressions of care and concern, connection, care and connection. Meaning what? Meaning that for the one whose love language is receiving gifts, a gift speaks volumes. Not because of the size of the gift or the monetary value of the gift, it's what the gift represents that matters to the one with this love language. The gift represents the love of the giver. The one whose

language is receiving gifts looks at the gift and he or she thinks the person who gave me this cares about me. Looks at the gift and thinks the person who gave me this was thinking about me and does think about me. The one who gave me this gift loves me. The visual, tangible gift becomes a symbol. It symbolizes the love out of which the gift was given. In other words, the gift points back to the giver. The gift becomes a tangible reminder of love thoughtfully expressed and it creates a sense of being cared about and connected. That is what this love language is all about. But there are also dialects to be recognized that go with each of the love languages. Like there are dialects in the English language. For example, if you visit in Boston and listen to Bostonians talk, it will not sound like the same kind of English that you're accustomed to hearing. There is a distinctly Bostonian version of English. It's a dialect. Same thing happens if you travel in the deep south, for example. Savannah, Georgia. Practically, or at least most people in Savannah speak English, but they do so in a distinctly different way than we're accustomed to hearing in Oklahoma. Those are geographical dialects. There are dialects that go with the love languages as well. Four of them that go with receiving gifts. And as we look at them, I think it'll make it easier to understand what we're talking about. First of all, there's the heartfelt dialect. It may be a very sentimental gift that is involved here. In any case, it's something that clearly comes from the heart. And so, it's a heartfelt gift. Practical gift would be the next one. A practical gift is something that will be helpful in some way. My son, Chris, gave me this for Father's Day a few weeks ago. I had no idea what that was when I opened the box. Turns out, this is a weeder, as in a tool to pull weeds up out of the flower garden. Chris knows that I enjoy landscaping around our home, and turns out, also, there are a lot of weeds there. And so, he gave me this very practical gift, and it works really, really well. But the thing is this. Every time I pick this up, which is often, I think of him and his love for me. Also, gifts may be anywhere from simple to extravagant. And usually, the person receiving the gift doesn't care which one of those it is.

In fact, most people with this language would prefer the gifts that are simple. Speaking of Chris and Father's Day, when Chris was in his college years, he would work at Kennecook Camp in Branson during the summers. And I remember one Father's Day weekend, I drove over to spend some time with him there at the camp. And when I arrived, I found him whittling with his knife on a small piece of wood, which was no surprise to me. He was surrounded by woods, and he enjoyed whittling. So, I asked him what he was working on. He said, across. And I could see it was... small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. He could actually close his fingers around it. He kept whittling on it as we sat there side by side and talked, and then he put his knife down and he held the cross up where he could see it and he was examining it and looking at it from every angle. And then he handed it to me and he said, Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you. That was 25 years ago. And I carry that cross in my pocket every day. I know you can't see it from back there, but sometimes I'll run my thumb over the surface of the cross, the smooth surface of the wood. And remember how he got to be that way. Monetary value, none at all. Thoughtful expression of love and connection. This is priceless. Four dialects that go with the love language of receiving gifts, heartfelt, practical, simple, and extravagant. So think with me about the demonstration

of this love language. Keeping in mind that each of the languages involves both speaking and receiving, giving and receiving. How does this speaking and receiving happen? For the believer, and let me just pause to say, this doesn't apply to everyone everywhere, but for the believer, there is this factor. And that is a very important factor that impacts both the speaking or the receiving. And that is that the Holy Spirit indwells the believer. You're indwelt by the Holy Spirit. That's true of every believer. If you receive Jesus into your life, then the Holy Spirit, the very presence of Christ, lives in you. And whether you're on the receiving end because you have this love language, or you're on the other end, you're speaking into someone with this love language, either way, your receiving or speaking will be impacted by one of two sources. Either the Holy Spirit, or what scripture calls the flesh, which means relying on ourselves apart from God. When you see that word flesh in scripture, that's what it's talking about. Relying on ourselves apart from God. Are you with me still? Good, good.

So stay with me. Let me put this grid up here to see how this all fits together. We're talking about receiving or giving in the spirit or in the flesh. So let's say you're a believer, and so the Holy Spirit lives in you, and your love language turns out to be receiving gifts. What happens then when you receive a gift of any kind, and you rely on the Holy Spirit for how you respond to the gift? Here's what happens. It builds you up in the spirit, and you receive it with gratitude and grace. You receive that gift with gratitude and grace, which is how the Holy Spirit leads us. Gratitude is the appropriate response to a gift. You recognize the care that went into the selection of the gift, the attention that the giver gave to deciding on the gift, and you receive it as such. As a result, you're nurtured and built up in the spirit. Whether the gift is simple or extravagant, whether it costs a lot of money or no money at all, makes no difference. You're nurtured and built up in the spirit. It's not that way when a person operates from a fleshly mindset. It breaks down in the flesh, because you become materialistic about the gift,

which brings us back to the unless I mentioned a while ago. The love language of receiving gifts is not materialistic unless the flesh gets involved. Then it's a whole different story. Everything breaks down because the materialistic mindset is there. That's when a person looks for a price. tag on the gift, or goes online to find out what that item actually costs. And then there may be some mental scorekeeping, such as, I gave you that last year, and this is what you give me. You spent this little on me. It's not said out loud, at least most of the time it isn't. But that's what isn't happening. Instead of being nurtured in the spirit, the situation breaks down in the flesh. Let's come at it from the other direction. Let's look at what happens when speaking into this love language. Let's say receiving gifts is the love language of someone you care about. It's not your language, but you want to express how much you care about them, and so you know that would be best received through some kind of gift. And that'd be the most meaningful way to express your love for them. So you want to get a gift, but you don't know what to give, and it feels awkward. What do you do? Actually, this is not all that hard. You start by asking the Holy Spirit to lead you. Just ask the Holy Spirit. He is a great gift giver. He's given gifts to all of us who are believers. Remember last year we talked about the spiritual gifts in the series on Wired. We looked at the various spiritual gifts the Holy Spirit has placed within members of the body of Christ, all for the benefit of the body.

The languages, these love languages are different, but the point is the Holy Spirit is a great gift giver, and he knows exactly what to give. So ask him to lead you, and then follow this principle. Notice details. What details? Details about that person's interest, and remember what matters most to that individual. You're thinking in terms of how you had blessed that person, and the Holy Spirit will lead you in selecting the gift. You pay attention to what that person values, and you put time and effort into the giving. The gift then becomes a tangible and meaningful expression of your love for that person. Of course, if you're operating in the flesh, it's a whole different thing, and you wind up with your focus on the gift rather than the recipient. It all breaks down in the flesh, again, because your focus is on the gift instead of the recipient. You may just buy a bunch of random gifts to have on hand, and then you hand them out, and it's okay maybe, a nice gesture, but it really doesn't mean very much. I'm just saying, the way any of these languages is demonstrated will be greatly impacted by whether we're allowing the Holy Spirit to lead us or not. Now think with me for just a few moments about a particular demonstration of giving, actually the most extraordinary demonstration of giving that's ever occurred. The Bible tells us about it in the most familiar verse in all Scripture, for God so loved, God so loved the world that He did what? He gave. He so loved the world that He gave, and He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. Eternal life, not just endless existence, but a relationship with God here and now that death cannot destroy. Eternal life. God thoughtfully selected and chose to give the tangible expression of His great love for us in the gift of His Son. Think what that gift represents.

God giving His Son for us. God giving His Son for you represents the fact that God thought of you and thinks about you. It's staggering to me that God thinks about me, but He does, and He thinks about you. He cares for you, and He loves you so much that He gave His Son for you. Regardless of the past, what you've done. Has been done to you he Loves you and he invites us to receive the greatest gift of all the forgiveness of sin Eternal life through Jesus Christ his son and our King How's it happen How how does a person Receive this gift It's by opening our heart to the gift By opening our heart to Jesus the gift we're not saved by how hard we tried to do better and Be better In fact, we're not even saved by how much faith we have You'll hear people say we're saved by faith. No We're saved by grace It's through faith, but it's by grace. Listen to what the Apostle Paul says in writing to the Ephesian believers for it is by grace You have been saved Through faith. Yes, but by grace

You have been saved and this not of yourselves. It is the gift of God grace means gift The Greek word is charis Charis it means something We did not and could not earn That's grace something we did not and Could not earn and everything about salvation is by grace all of it Start to finish It's something we did not and could not earn Even the faith through which our hearts are open to the gift is a gift. It's extraordinary God offers That gift To you today Forgiveness of sin Eternal life a relationship with him. Nothing could ever destroy God offers you that gift He offers that gift today if you've never received Jesus as your Savior and King You don't have a relationship with him that's real and personal You can It can be yours And it can be yours beginning today When I see you just bow your heads with me for a moment Before I lead us in prayer It may be you believe Jesus Paid the price for our sins on the cross which he did

You may also believe that he rose again and that he is alive Which he is But you've never opened your heart to him and Maybe you felt you weren't good enough Hopefully today You've realized that salvation is a gift and Everything about it is a gift Something none of us could ever do enough or be good enough to earn It is the gift of God What you can do is receive the gift with a simple prayer and That could happen now I'll give you words you can use They're not special words or just words that you can use to open your heart to Jesus and if you're ready and Value to join me in praying these words from your heart Lord Jesus, thank you For loving me And giving yourself for me Today I open my heart to you I Turn my back on sin And I place my trust in you my Savior my Forgiver my King Come live your life in me If

You prayed that prayer just now welcome to a brand new life and Heavenly Father, thank you For the most extraordinary gift of your son For your love for us That we could never do enough or be good enough to earn. We're forever grateful for your goodness and grace in Jesus matchless name. Amen.