When Family Members Manipulate

Scripture tells us that in the New Covenant, we are the house of the Lord, that the Spirit of the living God lives inside of us. So wherever you are this morning, Christian, if you're in your living room, if you're in your car, if you're across the world, you can have joy in the house of the Lord this morning because the Spirit of God is with us. Come on, join with us and sing this morning. Here we go. We worship the God who was, we worship the God who is, we worship the God who evermore because he opened the prison door. He parted the raging sea and my God, he holds the victory. There's joy in the house of the Lord. There's joy in the house of the Lord today. And we won't be quiet. We shout out your praise. There's joy in the house of the Lord. Our God is surely in this place. And we won't be quiet. We shout out your praise. We sing to the God who heals. We sing to the God who saves. We sing to the God who always makes a way. Because he hung up on that cross. And he rose up from that grave. And my God is in the rolling stones away. There's joy in the house of the Lord. There's joy in the house of the Lord today. And we won't be quiet. We shout out your praise. There's joy in the house of the Lord. Our God is surely in this place.

And we won't be quiet. We shout out your praise. And we were the beggars. And now we're royalty. And we were the prisoners. And now we're running free. We are forgiven, accepted, redeemed by his grace. Let the house of the Lord sing praise. Because we were the beggars. And now we're royalty. And we were the prisoners. And now we're running free. And we are forgiven, accepted, redeemed by his grace. Let the house of the Lord sing praise. There's joy in the house of the Lord. There's joy in the house of the Lord today. And we won't be quiet. And we shout out your praise. There's joy in the house of the Lord. Our God is surely in this place. And we won't be quiet. We shout out your praise. There's joy in the house of the Lord. There's joy in the house of the Lord today. And we won't be quiet. And we shout out your praise. There's joy in the house of the Lord. Our God is surely in this place. And we won't be quiet. And we shout out your praise.

All right, well, good morning, everybody. It is great to have you wherever you're joining us. We're thankful that you have tuned in to church today. And we're obviously in a little bit of a situation where we had bad weather and the timing really killed us happening on a Saturday night. And so we just made the call just to be safe that really we would just move to an online experience. And so thanks for joining in with us this morning. And I want to thank you for dressing up. I'm sure all of you in your PJs. We're thankful that you are here. Today was supposed to be a major milestone in the life of our church. We're about to start the Highway 62 campus today. And with the forecast and the snow and working with Farmington officials, we all decided together, hey, it's best if we just delay that a week. And so obviously, it's a different deal when you're meeting in a school. So we really had to press pause on that. And also today was going to be a big day. a big day across all of our campuses, where we told you to bring people, we're gonna give a clear gospel presentation, well, we're also gonna push that next Sunday. So I wanna encourage you to come back next Sunday to church and it's gonna be a big day like we talked about where we are launching Highway 62 and we are going to have that day where we clearly share the gospel as a church and give people an opportunity to respond. That evening is what we call Cross Church Together. I would just say these are the best services of the year.

They only happen twice a year and so we are doing that February 1st that night, five o'clock at our Springdale campus. Hope you'll make plans to join us and be a part of that. If you need a fresh touch of God in your life, you're gonna see the Lord move as we are really moving towards wrapping up 21 days of prayer even today. I wanna encourage you to be there and be a part of that night, all right? Well, today we begin a brand new series and we've been walking through the book of Genesis already and we'll do this for the majority of our church calendar year. We've walked through Genesis 1 through 3 already, we've walked through the life of Noah over the Christmas holidays, we studied the life of Abraham, and now today we begin a brand new series. It'll cover nine weeks long of a series that we are calling One Big Happy Family. This is the story of Isaac and Rebekah and their two sons, Jacob and Esau. Now if you, if you are aware of the story, you may think that we have mistitled the series because you say, Nick, they are anything but one big happy family, and you're exactly right. There's a bit of sarcasm there, a bit of irony of this is anything but one big happy family. To be honest with you, it is one big jacked up family. It is one big dysfunctional family and yet they are a family. And so we're not gonna do the next nine weeks by individually telling their stories, but we're gonna tell their story as what they are. They are a family and so we're gonna do this through the lens of the family, OK? Here's what you can expect over the next nine Sundays as we walk through this great story in the Bible. Here's what we're gonna talk about. We're gonna talk about your family through the lens of this family, OK? Everybody who's listening today is a part of a family. Now that family may look different than it did when you first came into the family, or it may have some annoying quirks you gotta deal with, or it may be some really traumatic things you've had to deal with, but everybody has a family and everybody really on one way or another deals with family issues.

And so here's what I believe. I believe God has a plan for your family. You believe that? In fact, this is kind of a unique way that we get to begin a family series and that many of you are gathered in your living room as families. In fact, when we wrap up today, I wanna encourage you to stay, Pastor, when I pray, on the broadcast. One of our pastors, Nick Bethea, he's gonna close the service and close the broadcast by giving you two family questions to discuss right there in your living room. So here's where we're gonna start today in this entire journey through their story. We're gonna talk about this, when family members manipulate. That's right, when family members manipulate. You may say, oh my word, we're diving right in. You're right, we're diving right in here together. If you're newer to our church, let me kind of set up the story and where we've been. We've been studying Abraham and his wife Sarah. God has given them a promise that, listen, you're gonna have a son, through him the nations of the world will be blessed, and this kid's name was Isaac. He has now grown up, he's a grown man, and through a series of events in Genesis 24 and even stretching into 25, Isaac has found a woman to marry. Her name is Rebekah. I want you to look at chapter 25 of the book of Genesis and I want you to begin reading with me right here in verse 21. It said, and Isaac prayed to the Lord for his wife because she was barren, and the Lord granted his prayer. Isn't it good that God grants prayers to his people? And Rebekah, his wife, conceived, and the children — underline this in your Bible or in your journal — the children struggled together within her. And she said, if, if it is thus, why is this happening to me? So she went to inquire of the Lord. And the Lord said to her, the two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within

you, underline this, shall be divided. The one shall be stronger than the other, and the older shall serve the younger. Now pause here for a moment if you say, well Nick, what in the world is going on here? They are battling infertility, much like Isaac's parents battled infertility. Abraham and Sarah were unable to have a child, and so they had Isaac, now you've got Isaac and Rebekah dealing with the exact same thing. Isaac prays to God, Rebekah conceives, and actually, she's pregnant with twins. The Bible here says that the children struggled within her. In some way, that this was such an uncomfortable pregnancy, that she went to inquire. fire of the Lord, like, God, what is going on inside of my belly here? And God essentially tells her two things, and he really forecasted to her what would be the future of her two sons. First thing is this, they'd be at odds with one another. This is the story of the Bible here. Israel, from the line of Jacob, would be in constant fighting with the, what were called the Edomites, which was from the line of Esau. And he says the second word, God tells her, the older shall serve the younger. Now God has given her a glimpse of the backwards nature of the relationship that her two sons will have for with one another for the remainder of their lives. Now you got to understand some tradition. Tradition during that time was that the older son would become the head of the family upon the father's death, and so God had told her that his choosing of Jacob would supersede custom and tradition. Don't you realize that God can do whatever he wants to do? He's not bound by tradition in your life, not by custom in your life, but here God can do whatever he wants to do, and here he says Jacob will ultimately be over Esau. Now keep reading, look at verse 24. It says, when her days to give birth were completed, behold, there were twins in her womb, and the first came out red. Circle the word red. All his body was like a hairy cloak, so they called his name what? He called his name Esau. Verse 26, afterward his brother came out, listen to this, with his hand holding Esau's heel. So his name was called what? Jacob. And Isaac was 60 years old when she bore them. Now two things to note here, okay? Number one, Esau was a hairy baby that would grow up into a hairy man. Some of

you today are sitting next to a hairy man. Esau couldn't hide it, your husband can't hide it either, alright? Second thing to note was an interesting thing, it says that Jacob was grabbing the heel of Esau as he exited the womb. So you can imagine just watching the birthing process here, and you see an arm reached out and it is grabbing the heel of Esau. This is actually why they named him Jacob. It sounds like the word heel in Hebrew, and it also sounds like a verb in Hebrew which means this, to watch from behind. So while they may have named him to kind of recount this weird story, even kind of funny story of one brother grabbing the heel of another brother, it was prophetic as to the manipulative and deceptive nature of Jacob towards his brother Esau. In other words, it is a forecast of things to come. Now with all that context, let's get into the meat of the passage. Look at verse 27. It says, when the boys grew up, Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field, while Jacob was a quiet man, dwelling and tensed. Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob, alright? So let me give you this, alright? Anybody have a few kids in your home today? Maybe you're a parent or a grandparent and you had more than one child. Here's what all of us know. All of our children are different, right? I've got three girls and a boy, all very different. I've got a college freshman, I've got a sophomore son, I've got two girls that are seventh grade and fifth grade, so, so like all four of my children vastly different. This is the case here with Esau and Jacob. Esau is known to be an impulsive man, he loves to hunt, he loves the outdoors. That's some of you dudes out there today, and even some of you ladies you love to be outside, you love to hunt, alright? Now Jacob on the other side, he is a quiet man who prefers to stay at home. Jacob loves the AC, he doesn't like to be hot, he likes to be indoors. And the Bible gives an enlightening word here, that there is a father here in Isaac who favors his son Esau, and there is a mother here, Rebekah, who favors her son Jacob. Can I just pause and just tell it to us very clearly? This is a recipe for disaster. Now if you're familiar with this story, you may think that we've titled the whole day about manipulation because of

what's about to happen with the birthright, or you may even look ahead with how, you know, Rebekah and Jacob kind of pulled the wool over, over Isaac's eyes later in the passage. We'll get there in a few weeks. While those are devastating examples of manipulation within this family, the cracks in the foundation are noticed here. The cracks of, really, dysfunction are beginning to show in this family. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to grab your Bible, grab your journal here, grab your phone if you don't have a pen right there, and I want you to take down some notes today, and I'm just gonna go through these very quickly for you. I want to give you biblical principles of a dysfunctional family. How's that for a heading today? Biblical principles of a dysfunctional family. Alright, here's principle number Number one, for your notes. When favoritism enters the family, division ensues. This is exactly what's going on here in this family. I won't say a lot about favoritism because we're about to hit that in a few weeks here, but let me say it to you simply. Favoritism fractures families. All right, that's a little bit of a tongue twister, probably easier to write than say. Favoritism fractures families. I'll just begin this conversation by saying this. Whenever that is present, somebody's always gonna be on the losing side of that equation. Isaac favored Esau, Rebecca favored Jacob, and when favoritism enters the picture in a family, who loses? You know the answer to that question? Everybody loses in the family when favoritism takes over. Now, I can speak from experience

because I am the favorite child in my own family. My parents favor me over my brother. It's a cross that I have to bear. All right, I'm just joking with you. But for some of you, favoritism is a legit thing in your family. Now, listen to me very loud and clear, all right? Manipulation within a family is often birthed out of favoritism. Let me say that one more time. Manipulation within a family is often birthed out of favoritism. You say, well, play that out. Here's how I would say it. You favor one of your children, so you bend the entire will of the family towards that child, their desires, and their activities. Or on the flip side of that, let's say you favor a parent. Maybe you're a child in there, a teenager in there. You favor a mom or dad, and you know you can really get them to do whatever you wanna do if you just play your cards right, and so you manipulate them. At some point in your family's story, favoritism will lead to division. Now, let me speak about parenting. For all the parents out there, maybe there are even some of you

who are gonna be parents in the future. Let me give you a special word here on parenting. Here's what it is. Write this down. When the parents are divided, the kids will always rule. When the parents are divided, the kids will always rule. Now, there are children watching today more than normal, and some of you are like, don't listen to that bald guy. You do not wanna hear this mom and dad. No, listen up, mom and dad, right here, all right? When a child knows that mom and dad are not aligned on something, they will exploit it. But when they know that mom will say no, but dad will say yes, they'll go to dad, or vice versa. And some of y'all are looking at one another in your living room right now, and you're laughing because this is playing out in your family right now, presently. The number one thing for you and your spouse to do is to be together. We're not gonna say, well, your mom doesn't want you to do that. We're gonna say, hey, we don't think that is the best course of action for you. We're not gonna say things like, well, don't tell your dad about this. No, we, hey, when you get home,

I'm gonna tell your dad or I'm gonna tell your mom about what happened today, okay? When kids rule the family, it's never, ever healthy. And by the way, parents, whenever you place your kids in a position of authority, they are always the ones who lose. So let me give you some questions for the parents out there today. How many of us are putting our kids in the place of authority to make decisions about who they date, to make decisions about social media that they're in taking or shows or movies, media, whatever you wanna call it, how many of us are placing our kids in a position they were never intended to be, okay? We are failing them as parents if we place them in a position of authority, all right? Here's principle number two. Write this down. When division ensues, manipulation becomes normal. Did you get that? When division ensues, manipulation becomes normal. Look back at the passage, verse 29. Here's what it says. Says this, once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, let me eat some of that, there's the word again, that red stew for I am exhausted. Therefore, his name was called Edom. Underline that, we'll get to that here in a second.

He goes on, he says, then Jacob said, well, sell me your birth right now. And Esau said, I'm about to die of what use is a birthright to me. You ever been that hungry right now? I mean, we are closing out a fast, so I'm kind of there myself. Jacob said, swear to me now. So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Keep on going, verse 34. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Look at that last little phrase. Send a letter in your Bible. Thus Esau despised his birthright. Some of you are reading this, you're like, Nick, I don't understand what the big deal is on birthright. And again, you gotta understand ancient context. You have to understand the culture here. When a child would have the birthright, it would go to the oldest child in the family, the oldest son, and this would give him. rights to a double portion. Some scholars even believe two-thirds of the inheritance of the father. By right, he would become the new head of the family. So this is Esau's future, this is what lies ahead of him. But here's the, here's the kicker, this is what you gotta, like, piece the whole thing together of Abraham and Sarah leading into this family. What was different about this family and about this birthright is that this was a family who was in a covenantal relationship with God. Abraham, his father had been given, or his grandfather, had been given a covenant promise from God that through his line

the nations of the earth would be blessed. This is ultimately pointing to the fact that through the seed and the line of Abraham, the Messiah, which is Jesus, would come. And so here's why I make that point. This is a, this is a family. Like, this is a son in Esau, it's a son in Jacob, who have been raised with the knowledge of God's covenantal promise. So Esau's a man who knew the promise of God that awaited him, and here he abandons that all for a pot of stew. Now Hebrews chapter 12 gives us a different look into this passage. I think oftentimes we look at Jacob's the bad guy, Esau's the good guy. I think they're actually both bad in a sense right here. Here's what Hebrews chapter 12 says. Look at the screen. It says, "...see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled." Now some of you need that verse for your life today, it's a different sermon altogether. Here's how it closes. "...that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like..." Who? "...like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal." What the Bible is getting at here, both in Hebrews and in the book of Genesis, is that in Esau's life there was an impulsiveness, like there was a carelessness in his life that took over. He treated the promises of God, the covenant of God, as something to be discarded in a moment of hunger. Think about it this way, he neglected a spiritual future to meet a physical need in the moment. He lived his life almost like an impulsive animal right here in this passage, striving to get what he only wanted. There's an author by the name of Alan Ross, here's how he writes about Esau in this passage. He said, "...Esau is portrayed as emotional. He was fainting and gasping, gulping, and then despising. In this instance he was not a skillful hunter, he was more like an animal that had been trapped with bait. To live on this base level, to satisfy one's appetites, inevitably leads to a despising of spiritual things." Now, do not miss what the Word of God is teaching us here today, okay? We often read Genesis 25, like I said, as if Jacob's the bad guy, Esau's the good guy. I think when you actually look at the story, both are wrong and both are doing the wrong thing. We need to read Genesis 25 as a story about Esau being an unholy

man with no regard for the things of God. He was a man ruled by appetites, ruled by impulse, and here's what I tell you about your life. Whenever we are ruled by a hunger for the things of this world, the result will always, always, always be pain and regret. In fact, write down this statement. Every time we let impulse drive us, it eventually drives us into brokenness. Every time we let impulse drive us, it eventually drives us into brokenness. Now, can I get a testimony from somebody out there in the living room besides the preacher who's had this experience? If I think back to every major regret in my life where I've stepped into some kind of major sin, it was always because I was living on impulse. I did not have a mind on the future, I did not have a mind on the Lord, I just wanted what I wanted and I wanted it now. You ever been there in your life? Here's the Bible principle, is that anytime we let impulses like that drive us, it will always cause us to be driven to brokenness. Now, every one of us needs to be warned by the life of Esau today, that when we live on impulse we forfeit what God has for us and we miss out on how God wants to use us, okay? Here's the third principle and we are done this morning, alright? Principle number three, this is the longest one, I'll give you time to write it. When manipulation becomes normalized, moments of weakness and vulnerability are exploited. Let me say it to you again, when the manipulation becomes normalized, moments of weakness and vulnerability are exploited, and you see the last part here, even within a family, even within a family context. In the background of all of Esau's issues, and I think we just read from the book of Hebrews and the book of Genesis, Esau had some issues. Wasn't living his life the way that he needed to be living his life. the midst of all those issues, you still have a conniving brother in Jacob who exploited a moment of weakness with his brother Esau. Here's the wild thing to think about. Just go with me here for a second, all right? Remember how close Jacob was to his mother Rebekah? In fact, it says that Rebekah favored Jacob. Do you remember the story that I just told you about when God tells Rebekah that, hey, while the twins are in your stomach, he says one day the older will serve the

younger. In other words, Jacob will become the head of this family at some point. Now just go with me here. I don't think it's crazy to think with a mother and a son as close as they are, it's not crazy to think that at some point Rebekah had told Jacob about this promise. Like maybe she said it in the vein of something like this, son, one day your brother Esau will serve you and you will be the head of this family. Or maybe she even couched it in spiritual language because it was a spiritual thing. Maybe she even said it in this way, you know, Jacob, God has a plan for your life and this is to rule this family and to be the one through whom God's promises will be fulfilled. I just simply don't think it's a stretch that at some point mother and son had talked about this. And here's what I would just tell you, I think a principle we get out of that is a familiar one. Did you know that you can have a heart to do the right thing but do it in the wrong way? This is Jacob here. This is a controlling and manipulative man, and you'll see that further in the weeks to come, who has exploited a vulnerable moment with his brother. His brother's desperate, hungry beyond belief, and he just, with deception, pulls a fast one on his brother. Everybody listen to me, God is not honored when we do the right thing in the wrong way. Did he know, did Jacob know that Esau was careless towards the things of God? Yes, and he should have waited on the Lord. Did maybe he realize and know that one day he would be the head of the family and Esau would serve him? Yes, but he should have waited on God's timing. Here you have a man who would be used by God in an amazing way. You'll see that in the future. But in the present moment, he completely forgets to trust the Lord. So as I wrap up, you may say, well Nick, how in the world do you wrap up a sermon on family manipulation? Let me give you an equation, okay? I hate math. I would like with a passion. I'm not good at it. I'm much better at more English type stuff and reading and sentences and stuff like that, like talking like I'm right here, than I am with math. In fact, my fifth grade daughter, when she comes home with math homework, I cannot do a fifth grade level, alright? Just cannot do it. Judge me if you want, bring it on, alright? Here's my equation according to Genesis

chapter 25. Favoritism plus division plus manipulation equals dysfunction. This is the story of this family so far. Did you get that? Favoritism from parents causes division between brothers, and you add that with the manipulation here at the end of the passage, and you get dysfunction. So how does this hit your life today? Let me give you several things. Maybe you're sitting at home today or you are somewhere in your life and you're realizing that you're in a dysfunctional family, okay? Some of you are like, dude, I've known that for like years, okay? But maybe today it's hitting you in a different way that you are living in some dysfunction, or maybe you are the dysfunctional one. Maybe it's because of stuff like I've mentioned of favoritism or manipulation, stuff like that, or maybe it's maybe much more serious things that have caused you a deep, deep wound, and it is sin that has caused dysfunction in the life of your family. Regardless, maybe you're here and you're watching this and you say, Nick, I need the hand of God to bring healing to our family over some of these issues. I'm just gonna ask you to pray today right where you are, and just to make your living room or your bedroom, your kitchen, just a place of an altar before the Lord. Maybe you're here and you know some things need to change in your family but you're really not sure what to do. I'm gonna ask you just to pray at home right there today. Maybe you've not been trusting the Lord with your own future, and I'm just gonna ask you to trust the Lord in a new and refreshed and rejuvenated way today. Maybe today, if you're honest with yourself and you're honest with me, maybe you'd say, Nick, I think I've been living on impulse in quite a few different ways in my life, and I kind of have woken up today while you've been preaching and I realized, man, I'm living in a lot of brokenness and a lot of that is of my own making and of my own doing. Maybe you're watching this and saying, Nick, I need to be restored to the Lord. Like, I'm a Christian, but I just... need a restored fellowship with Christ, I'm just gonna ask you just, again, make your living room an altar today. Maybe your family feels like a fractured family, much like this family, and it's a lot of cracks and a lot of conflict. Here's what I tell you, the same God that redeemed this family and still use this

family can still redeem and use your own family. Why don't you as a family turn to the Lord today and even have a special moment of prayer even as you sit there on the couch together. Maybe you're watching you say, Nick, I've never trusted Christ, and I know you're talking about an Old Testament family through whom the line of Jesus would come. Wherever you're sitting today, I want you to realize this, that Jesus Christ loves you. God gave His very Son, Jesus, to die on a cross for your sins. For a moment like this, when you'd be sitting maybe in your own dysfunction, sitting in your own sin, and you would hear a guy online preach about how you could meet Jesus Christ personally. Today that can happen in your life. All you got to do is just turn to the Lord. Lord, I'm turning away from the way that I'm living, and I just put my trust in you. You know, God hears simple prayers like that and can change your life in one instance with a moment of repentance and faith towards Christ. I want you just to bow wherever you're at today, and I want to pray for your family, OK? And like I said, I want to encourage you, hang around on the broadcast, we'll have a few family discussion questions for you, but I would encourage you to have a special time of prayer even as a family at the end of all of this, and just say, Lord, we're committed to do things your way, and I want to pray for you right now. Lord, thanks for the faithfulness of the people who have joined online with us today, and Lord, I pray that today would be a convicting day of our own dysfunction, our own families, our own lives. And Father, I pray that you would move in ways that only you can move. If there's favoritism, Lord, that you'd put it away. If there's division, Lord, that you'd solve it. If there's manipulation, Lord, that you'd convict of that and change it. Lord, any dysfunction we just want to place under the authority of Christ and say, Lord, we want to do this your way. So Father, right now we turn to you as a family, and God we just pray your blessing upon all of these families, all these individuals, single adults, children, teenagers, senior adults. Lord, you bless them and bless their families, and it's in Christ's name that we pray, amen. Again, thanks for tuning in today, we are looking forward to next Sunday, bring somebody who needs to hear the gospel, be praying for the

launch of Highway 62 campus, and right now I want you to turn your attention right now to Nick Bethea as he wraps us up with a few questions. Church, we are so glad you worship with us today. While this may not be the usual way we join together, it provides us with an opportunity to spend more time reflecting on today's message. So let me encourage you to discuss these two questions. First, I want you to ask this, where am I trying to control outcomes in my family instead of trusting God? And then ask this question, what impulse or appetite is most likely to pull me away from God's long-term purposes right now? As you ask these questions, don't forget that we're still planning for a big day on February 1st. We have exciting plans in our next-gen ministries as well as the amazing opportunity to launch our Highway 62 campus. Thanks again for joining us, we can't wait to see you next Sunday.