The Story of God’s Unfolding Grace

this is my this is my hey guys welcome to celebrate recovery the best place to be on a Tuesday night amen how many of y'all are excited to be in God's house tonight can I tell y'all I am so excited we actually have a guest speaker that drove what almost two hours two hours to get here y'all so we know it's gonna be good so with that being said if you don't know who I am my name is Kat and I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I celebrate recovery from physical emotional and sexual abuse and I still struggle sometimes I struggle with public speaking y'all or sometimes I struggle with my husband whichever anyways with that being said if you've never been to a celebrate recovery welcome and oh thank you so we are a 12-step faith-based program and we only have one higher power who's our higher power y'all amen amen so we are gonna open in prayer in just a moment and then we're gonna have some amazing worship who is all about our worship here yes and then we'll have our amazing speakers so I do want to welcome our online community and all our brothers and sisters that are currently incarcerated last I heard we're like to 888 plus the five local ones that we stream into so we're so glad that you've chosen to be with us tonight is a good night so anyway so with that being said really quick we got to do something that we do periodically and that is we got to celebrate some birthdays I hear some there's some birthdays in the house and Andrea you don't get to escape see it's bad when I know your name because I'm gonna call you out is it your birthday too oh well come on then come on if it's your birthday come on get up here can you help her help miss Sharon yes or she can go up the ramp whichever yeah you can go up the ramp yeah for sure all right who else I know there's a third one outside of miss Sharon who else it's Katie oh and it's Amy where is Amy oh right she did that on purpose all right is there anybody else who had a birthday last week or is having one coming up this week anybody anybody come on now no all right well then we got you we're waiting for miss Sharon to come on up here but you know what so I can either ask your age or I can ask your birth date which would you prefer birthday all right birthday all right what's your birthday tomorrow mine was Sunday yes you hear that enthusiasm y'all they're excited come on y'all they're excited to be getting older and wiser and then everybody knows miss Sharon right she's our awesome greeter she loves everybody all right you ready there you go so tell us it was either your age or your birthday and they all voted birthday so when's your birthday July 7th oh see it's coming up y'all it's coming up all right

so does everybody know Andrea and Katie and miss Sharon they actually all actively serve here at celebrate recovery right Andrea just does everything and anything that's what she does and then miss Katie leads our media team which is phenomenal it's because of them we get to stream into all the jails and prisons and then we have miss Sharon that will be shy of loving you to death she is our proof she leads what do we call you the professional harassment team the hug harasser all right so we're gonna sing happy birthday everyone are y'all good with that so now listen y'all got to sing really really loud cuz y'all don't want to hear my voice y'all got it everyone all right on the count of three one two three happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear everyone happy Happy birthday to you, yay! We are so blessed to have such wise women with us. Are you sure? Okay, hold on, I'm gonna, I am, I am to make sure that I don't fall. Because I'm not very coordinated myself. You good, you good, awesome, awesome, awesome. All right, so with that being said, who's ready to be about their father's business? Amen, all right, let's get on our feet, y'all. And so together we start with whose father? Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For that is the kingdom and the power

and the glory forever and ever, amen, amen. Y'all are welcome to have a seat. I'd like to invite the two women that are gonna do the eight principles for us tonight. Come on, come on. I don't have it up there. I am so sorry. All right, I don't know if any of you have heard, but sometime in July, we're gonna have access to our lobby. How many of y'all are excited for that? Yes, and then they're gonna open it up and we're actually gonna get to eat up here. How many of y'all are excited for that? Yes, it's gonna be so good. And I know Miss Patty isn't up here, the lovely lady that leads our kitchen, but you know what, she is so excited to be able to serve you all out of her new kitchen. So it's coming, it's coming. All right, here you go. Thank you. Okay, I'm Erica. Where's Ed? I know, where's Ed? Hi, I'm Katie. And we're not the same person. Yes, even though we get confused for it all the time. All the time. So now you see us both at the same place.

All right, eight principles based on the B attitudes, Matthew 5 through 10. R, realize I'm not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable. Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor, Matthew 5, three. E, earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him and that he has the power to help me recover. Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted, Matthew 5, four. C, consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control. Happy are the meek, Matthew 5, five. O, openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God and to someone I trust. Happy are the pure in heart, Matthew 5, eight. V, voluntarily submit to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly ask him to remove my character defects. Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires, Matthew 5, six. E, evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for them that I've done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others. Happy are the merciful, Matthew 5, seven. Happy are the peacemakers, Matthew 5, nine. R, reserve a daily time with God for self-examination,

Bible reading, and prayer in order to know God and his will for my life and gain the power to follow his will. And? Y, yield myself to God to be used to bring the good news to others, both by my example and by my words. Happy are those who are persecuted, because they do what God requires, Matthew 5, 10. All right, and real quick, while we've got some people that are gonna come up and serve the people while they're making their way up there, I just wanted to share a quick story. So, a couple years ago, there was this home just down the road from our house, and they had a fire, and everything burnt to the ground, like they lost everything. And it was a family with three little kids, and my kids were like, well, we have to do something. Like, we have to help these people. And they needed everything. Like, it was a complete loss. And so, my kids started making a pile to take them. And it came to me, they're like, okay, here it is. Mom, we're ready. And I look, and it's like a stuffed animal, and a pair of dress-up shoes, and some pajamas, and a toy, and a bracelet, and $12. OK, so do you think that that pile of stuff

that they collected would have made very much of a dent in what this family needed? No, it didn't even begin to come close. Like, you don't really need a bracelet, right, when your house just burned down. Like, they had a lot of needs, and this pile couldn't even come close to the needs that this family had. But how do you think I felt as a mom knowing that they were willing to sacrifice what was theirs and what they loved for someone else? Like, that brought me so much joy and so much pleasure. And so when we give, I think a lot of times we think about, well, I'm not going to have enough of an impact on the need. How many of you know the need is great out there, right? Like, we try to help people in recovery. There's a lot of people out there that need a lot of help, right? And you throwing $10 or $20 in the bucket isn't going to make that big of an impact, right, individually. But how do you think God feels when he looks at you and what you're willing to sacrifice and what you're willing to give? Because it brings him great joy. So sometimes it's not about the amount that we have to give or what we have to give, right? It's about our heart. And that heart of giving, that heart of sacrifice, that heart of, like, I know someone out there needs me, and I'm going to do whatever I can and give whatever I can,

that is way more powerful than the amount of money that gets thrown in a bucket, right? God loves that. He honors that. He sees that. And man, I don't know about you, but I would love to know that my father's in heaven smiling down right now because he saw what I did, right? Like, I love knowing that we can please the creator of the universe, like, the king of kings, the Lord of Lord, like, the God of all things is pleased when we give. And that just, that's amazing. Some days I don't even understand that. So amazing. So we're going to do the offering. I'm going to pray over it. And I just want to say, like, whatever it is, whatever you can give today, whether it's a penny or, you know, a million dollars, like, the Lord is happy with your sacrifice and your gift. Lord God, thank you so much for who you are. Thank you for giving us the ultimate gift of your son, Jesus Christ, God. Thank you for all that you've done, all that you continue to do, all that you will do in the future. We can never say thank you enough, Lord. But just to know that we can bring a smile to your face is so incredible, Lord. So I pray blessings over every person that can give tonight.

Lord God, I pray that you look at them and smile. Lord God, I pray that you multiply whatever it is. Because we know that you are a God of multiplication. And I know that whatever gets in that bucket, Lord, that it's going to be used to change your kingdom, Lord. And so I just pray for ripple effects. I pray for people to be healed. I pray that the people that we're able to help discover who they are in Christ Jesus so that they can become the men and women that you have called them to be, Lord, that they know that they are loved and chosen and favored and precious in your sight. Lord God, I pray for changed hearts, not just giving, not just finances, Lord, but deeper than that. I pray for hearts that have a desire to serve you, to love you, to give all to you because they know who you are. God, we just praise you. We thank you. And it's in the mighty name of Jesus we pray. Amen. ♪ Everybody's got a blank page ♪ ♪ A story they're writing today ♪ ♪ A wall that they're climbing ♪ ♪ You can carry the past on your shoulders ♪ ♪ So you can start over regrets ♪ ♪ No matter what you've gone through, Jesus ♪ ♪ He gave it all to save you ♪ ♪ He carried the cross on his shoulders ♪

♪ So you can start over, over, over, over ♪ ♪ Don't let your heart be troubled, don't be afraid ♪ ♪ To the broken hearted, their wishes bade ♪ ♪ Never been born, never been torn, never sinned, never disobeyed ♪ ♪ I know you think there's no hope, no, but that ain't true ♪ ♪ Jesus saved me, I know you feeling regret, like I ♪ ♪ Brought this all on myself, like I, messed it up big time ♪ ♪ And this time I don't deserve God's help, thinking ♪ ♪ How can God forgive me, after knowing what I hid, can he ♪ ♪ After knowing that I hid from him and I stayed away and backslid, listen ♪ ♪ Jesus came for the sick, so true, Jesus came for the weak, amen ♪ ♪ Jesus came to give good news and set the captives free, amen, listen ♪ ♪ Jesus came for the poor, amen, Jesus came with the key, amen ♪ ♪ Jesus came to remove the chains of the prisoners, everybody, amen ♪ ♪ Everybody's got a blank page, a story they're writing today ♪ ♪ A wall that they're climbing, you can carry the past on your shoulders ♪ You can start over, regrets, no matter what you've gone through, Jesus, He gave it all to save you. He carried the cross on His shoulders, so you can start over. See His love is deeper than the ocean floor, run to His arms like an open door. God the Father sent the sons so men can come and be free and gotta run no more. Come to me all who are weary, with heavy burdens I'll give you rest, separating you from your sin, as far as the east is from the west. Thrown in a sea of forgetfulness, what sin, what offense, and when them waves come crashing in, I'll calm the winds in your defense. So whatever it is that you've done, He put that punishment on His Son. You'll never come under His condemnation, conquering Satan and his accusations. So dry your eyes, lift up your head, hallelujah, God is not dead. Plus He gave us His peace, and He took our guilt on a cross instead. Took our place and now we embrace, a clean slate with the eyes of faith. We know, unfailing love, unfailing love, is not too late. Start over. A story that I'm writing today, a wall that they're climbing. You can carry the past on your shoulders. You can start over. Regrets, no matter what you've gone through. Jesus, He gave it all to save you. You can carry the cross on your shoulders. So you can start over. So you can start over. Good afternoon, church. Will you all stand to your feet and worship with us tonight? Till I met you. I was breathing, but not alive. All my failures I tried to hide. It was my tomb. Jesus, till I met you. You called my name, and I ran out of that grave. Out of the darkness, into your glorious day. You called my name, and I ran out of that grave. Out of the darkness, into your glorious day.

May the mercy that saves my soul. Your freedom, that's all that I know. The old made new. Jesus, when I met you. You called my name, and I ran out of that grave. Out of the darkness, into your glorious day. You called my name, and I ran out of that grave. Out of the darkness, into your glorious day. I needed rescue. My sin was heavy. But chains barely kept the weight of your glory. I needed shelter. I was an orphan. Now you call me a sinner. See it is still unhealed And when I was broken You were my healing And your love Is the air that I'm breathing I have a future My eyes are open Cause when you Call my name I'm Raining out of that grave Out of the Darkness Into your glorious day You called my name And I Ran out of that grave Out of the Darkness Into your glorious day Into your glorious day It was my cross You bore So I could live In the freedom You died for

And now my life Is yours And I will sing Of your goodness Forevermore Worthy Is your Name Jesus You Deserve The Praise Worthy is your name Worthy is Your name Jesus You Deserve the Praise Worthy is your name And now my shame is gone I stand amazed In your love Undeniable Undeniable Your grace goes on And on And I will sing Of your goodness Forevermore

Worthy is your Name Jesus You Deserve the Praise Worthy is your Name Worthy is your Name Jesus You Deserve the Praise Worthy is your Name Worthy is your Name Jesus You Deserve the Praise Worthy is Your Name Worthy is your Name Jesus You Deserve the Praise Worthy is Your Name Be exalted Now in the heavens

As your glory Fills this place You alone deserve Our praise You're the name above All names Be exalted now in the heavens As your glory Fills this place You alone deserve Our praise You're the name above All names Be exalted now in the heavens As your glory Fills this place You alone deserve Our praise You're the name above All names Be exalted Exalted now in heavens, as your glory fills this place, you alone deserve our praise, you're the name above all names. Be exalted now in heavens, as your glory fills this place, you alone deserve our praise, you're the name above all names. Be exalted now in heavens, as your glory fills this place, you alone deserve our praise, you're the name above all names. Oh, you are the Lord, you are the name above all names. Be exalted now. Worthy is your name, Jesus. You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name, Jesus.

You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name, Jesus. You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name, Jesus. You deserve the praise. Worthy is your name. Worthy is your name. So be it. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Amen. Thank you. I was a rich I remember who I was I was lost I was blood I was running out of time Sin separated The breach was far too wide But from the far side of the chasm You held me in your sight So you made a way Across the great divide Left behind Heaven's throne

To building here inside Then at the cross You paid the debt I owed Broke my chains Freed my soul For the first time I had hope Thank you Jesus For the blood applied Thank you Jesus It has washed me white Thank you Jesus You have saved my life Brought me from the darkness Into glorious light Thank you Jesus You took my place Laid inside my tomb of sin You were buried for three days But then you walked right out again And now death has no sting And life has no end For I have been transformed By the blood of the Lamb Thank you Jesus For the blood applied Thank you, Jesus, it has washed me white. Thank you, Jesus, you have saved my life. Brought me from the darkness into glorious light. There is nothing stronger than the wonder, work, and power of the blood, the blood. It calls the sons and daughters. We are raised from fire, fathered through the blood, the blood.

There is nothing stronger than the wonder, work, and power of the blood, the blood. It calls the sons and daughters. We are ransomed by our fathers through the blood, the blood. Thank you, Jesus, for the blood of Christ. Thank you, Jesus, it has washed me white. Thank you, Jesus, you have saved my life. Brought me from the darkness into glorious light. Let's sing glory. Let's give him glory. Glory to his name. Glory to his name. There to my heart was the blood applied. Glory to his name. Glory to his name. Lord, we are so grateful for you. Thank you so much for shedding your blood for us. We didn't earn it. We didn't deserve it. We love you so much, Lord. Everybody has an opportunity to be with you as long as they follow you and accept you in their heart, Lord. If anybody in this auditorium tonight hasn't came to you, Lord, and gotten on their knees and asked you for them to become part of your family, Lord, just help them to guide them, to help them know exactly how to do that tonight. Help them to know that that is going to be the best decision of their life, Lord. That you will help them, that you will guide them and help them through anything that they have going on in their lives, Lord. It might be the worst day of their life. It might be the best time of their life. But no matter when, you deserve the glory because you are the one who is everything to us. Help this speaker tonight just speak your glory, Lord, in the words that you give them, Lord, and help everybody in this auditorium to just see you and hear your words and learn to love you because you deserve it all. In Jesus' name, amen. Woo! Let's give it up one more time for the Praise and Worship Team! All right, now, let's act really happy and give it up for Jesus one more time! Amen. Thank you, Jesus. So, I'm up here. I really want to speak to the 780 jams real quick. 888! Come on, somebody! We're getting bigger and bigger! But we just want to say, welcome to you all. It's our online community. We just thank you tonight for joining us. And, you know, when it says that glory to His name, if you could just bring the top-shelf cookies to the bottom,

that just means recognizing the Lord in every area of your life. And I'm sure all of us can thank Him. There's somewhere in our lives where we can recognize the Lord no matter how bad your day has been. Amen. So I want to introduce our speaker, Rob, tonight. As he comes up on the stage, let's give it up to him one more time. Whoo! Ronnie! I said Ronnie. Rob, it's Ronnie. Ronnie, whoo! Ronnie, Ronnie. Downtown Ronnie Brown. All right. That's the way it runs and people remember it. I'm a born-again believer in Jesus Christ that struggles with pornography and bitterness. And my name is Ronnie. Psalm 34 6 has these words. This poor man cried and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. I don't think I'd ever truly cried out to the Lord until that night. In my mind's eye, I can still see the freeway reflectors stretch out in front of my car into the darkness as I drove down I-75 that night. Although I drove the car in silence, my mind was raging with arguments. You see, for the first time in my life, I knew I could not outrun what I had become. As I drove down that freeway towards Atlanta that night, everything about my life began to weigh on me like a mountain of sin and rebellion. You see, I'd been raised in church from the time I could remember. I was taught right from wrong in Sunday school and at home. I was loved, disciplined by my parents. I did well in school and rarely ever got into trouble. By middle school, playing basketball had been the object of my constant preoccupation. And it became the pursuit of the rest of my school years. As far as I was concerned, if it wasn't a basketball, it didn't matter. I mean, sure, I would go to Sunday school.

I would go to church and the youth group because that was what was expected to me. But nothing mattered more than proving myself on the basketball court. I knew about God and the Bible through the osmosis of sitting in a church pew every time the doors were open. But my heart had no place for Him. On the outside, I looked like a good church kid. I didn't look like the kind of boy who would one day be enslaved to alcohol and pornography. But addiction often begins long before the substance, the screen, or the secret habit ever starts. It begins in a heart that has no room for God. I made a profession when I was nine years old. I went down to an altar where a well-meaning pastor took a Bible and pointed to a bunch of verses. And he led me through those verses and I said, uh-huh, in several places. And then he prayed a prayer, slapped me on the back, and declared me saved. That was my testimony. But I do know this, that that was not a prayer of faith. It wasn't a prayer of repentance from my sin. It was an act. You see, this was proven that very night. As we drove home from church, my mother looked into the back seat and said, Now, Ronnie, now that you're saved, you need to tell your teacher and all your friends at school what Jesus has done for you. I didn't say it out loud, but I was saying, no way. There is no way I'm telling anybody about what happened tonight. No way. You see, looking back, I can see that I was not believing on Christ. I was managing appearances. I wanted my parents to stop their nightly prayers for me to be saved. For my pastor to stop side-eyeing me with every verse of just as I am at the invitation time. I was learning how to say the right words and do the right things while keeping my heart off limits from God.

The things of God had no impact on my life because I didn't think I needed Him. By the time I graduated high school, I had seen enough hypocrisy in the membership of the church to conclude that church was a place where old people who have nothing better to do go to try to impress each other with their cars and their clothes. It was a club for old people that I didn't want anything to do with. Being very involved in church when I was growing up kept me out of a lot of trouble in high school. But going to college was a whole different experience. I had no one to keep up with me, no one to answer to. And I was introduced, as I played basketball in college, I was introduced all kinds of immoral lifestyles that I had never been around in my childhood. The alcohol that I was raised to fear became a gateway of acceptance and pleasure to me. By the time I was 21 years old, alcohol had come to get a grip on my life. I remember one particular Friday night while I was driving home from college, I was frightened to my core with the persistent thought that kept going through my mind that said, I need a drink of alcohol. It wasn't, I would like to have one, this is a social setting, I'd like to have a drink. It was one, it was the voice that said, I have to have a drink. You see, alcohol was no longer my servant, it was becoming my master. Right around this time, my mother, in my weekly phone calls to home, my mother began to tell me about this young woman that had gotten saved recently at the church and God had radically changed her life. I think my mother's intent was more of matchmaker than anything else. I think she thought that all I needed was a good woman and that would straighten me out. But something from her conversation struck me entirely different. Here was a young woman that was 19 years old, around the age that I was, and something life-changing had taken place in her life. Maybe the God that I'd been told about all my life was real. What if it was all true? What if the Bible really did offer hope to me?

It was then, for the first time in my life, I remember thinking, if God could do that for her in her life, maybe God could do that in my life. During this same time, we were on an away game with the basketball team. We were down at Georgia Southwestern State University. And on that road trip, we went for a pregame practice, left the hotel for a pregame practice. And then we went back to the hotel. The coach told us, get your stuff because we're not coming back to the hotel tonight. We're going straight to campus after the game. And so I went into the room. The cleaning staff had come through and the beds were made and everything was clean. I went over to the bed and grabbed my bag. And as I did, I looked at the nightstand next to the bed. On that nightstand was a little gospel track, evidently left by one of the workers there. I don't know what it was, but I picked up that track and took it with me. That night after the game and the long drive back to the campus, I remember sitting there and looking at that gospel track. I don't even know if I opened it to read what was inside, but the cover was very striking. It was a picture of Jesus with His arms outstretched, nailed to the cross with His head bowed. And in bold red letters across the bottom, it had these words, All this I did for thee. You see, I knew Jesus had died on a cross. I knew He had died for sin. I knew He had risen from the grave. I'd been taught that all my life. But until that moment, those truths were relegated to childhood Sunday school lessons. They did not represent redeeming grace pressing on my soul. But now, the image of that track seemed to bring the weight of everything that I knew about the gospel down onto my heart. A few days later, I was coming back from a weekend visit at home, back to Marietta, Georgia. And as I drove down that freeway that particular night, all these things began to work on my heart. My craving for alcohol that frightened me, this girl that had been transformed by God,

and this gospel track, all of these things began to bear on my mind. And I looked down at the city of Atlanta in front of me in that darkness, and I knew that if I kept going the direction I was, I was going to end up a homeless drunkard on the streets of Atlanta. And as I stared at that city, my eyes gazed heavenward, and I looked into that starry sky, and I said, and one day I'll stand before you, and I'll give an account before God of every gracious gospel invitation He had ever given me. And it was there, in the dark hour of that Sunday night, on March the 20th, 1994, while driving down I-75, going about 65 miles an hour, in my dove gray 1987 Mustang LX, just outside of Barrett Parkway, on the basis of what Jesus had done for me on the cross, this poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. In that moment, I encountered the mercy and grace of God. There was no choir, there was no stained glass windows, no preacher, no altar. Just a poor man crying out to the Lord who heard him and answered him and changed me from the inside out. I was a new creature when I stepped out of that car. Unlike last time when I was nine years old. The first thing I wanted to do was tell someone. I raced up to my dorm room and I grabbed my landline from the 90s. I grabbed my landline and punched in the number to my mom and dad. There I told my mom and dad what God had done in my heart. I called the associate pastor of my old church and my youth pastors that I tormented in those years. I called and told them. I wanted to tell everyone that had a spiritual influence on my life that I had been forgiven, I had been reborn, I had been saved. After that, my Christian life still had its seasons of wandering. But God in time planted me in a church where I began to be discipled

and grow as a believer. I did marry that young woman my mother told me about. Mommatch.com worked for me. Her name was Carrie and we settled in my hometown of Trenton, Georgia. Later in our marriage, I surrendered the call to preach. Not many years after we were married. And I began pastoring my church in 2007. But here is the reality of the Christian life. Being saved, being discipled, even preaching or pastoring a church does not make you immune from falling into a consuming addiction. People may argue over the differences between the addiction of alcohol and narcotics and that compared to pornography. But I am certain of this. Pornography can be just as addictive and yet just as devastating in the life. I believe a sexual curiosity and a bent toward the sensual was awakened far too early in my childhood when I was molested by an older teenage family relative. Growing up, pornography was passed throughout my elementary, my middle school and my high school years. It was passed around from projector slides to pages torn out of magazines. In college, pornography could be bought in nearly every gas station between Chattanooga and Atlanta. It was constantly accessible. Unlike alcohol, which God graciously released me from its hold upon my salvation, porn was a constant battle. A cycle of compulsion, gratification, guilt, shame, repentance and regret. It happened over and over and over. I would tell myself that I could handle it. I could stop at any time. This time was really the last time.

Then I would give in again and promising God and myself that I was done. But because I kept trying to defeat darkness while hiding in darkness, the cycle kept repeating. And every time it seemed that I repeated the cycle, it pulled me deeper and deeper into darker places in pornography. When Carrie and I were married, I thought, surely this addiction, I would be rid of porn once and for all. But that was not the case. About this time, internet pornography was readily available. In 2003, my wife, while going through my computer, stumbled across some of the images that I had seen. I admitted it to her. I admit it's a mistake. It's a momentary lapse of integrity. I made my never again promises and weathered a marital storm. After that, I was able to stay porn free for several years. Around 2008, when I was pastoring, I again began to consume internet pornography. The gnawing urge was followed by unimaginable guilt and shame. Made more sickening because I was supposed to be a spiritual leader. People were supposed to look at me as I followed Jesus. I wish I could tell you that I realized my addiction, went to my wife, confessed my sin, and told her I needed help. But I can't. Once again, I hid and hid until finally my wife discovered my secret sin in all of its outstretched reach. And she confronted me. For the next several months, my marriage hung by a thread. I begged God and begged my wife to forgive me.

At the time, being exposed by my wife felt like the most humiliating and devastating thing that could ever happen to me. But I can see now that it was more than that. One of the greatest mercies of God. Had I remained hidden, I would have remained to be enslaved. God allowed the secret to come into the light because secrets are where addiction breathes. It's where it multiplies and consumes. I don't know if you say it at this CR, but they say it at ours. We are only as sick as our secrets. Several years after, although I was clean from my addiction, the deep-seated pain and mistrust created by betraying a woman who had been deceived and mistreated more times than could be counted in her lifetime. She brought so much betrayal baggage into the marriage that it kept us on the brink of divorce on nearly a monthly basis. My sin turned the safety of marriage into a constant suspicion. My marriage that should have been filled with love was now flooded with fear. You see, that's the lie of addiction. It always says, this is just your private struggle. But private sin never stays private in its consequences. The anguish of not being able to prove that I was not looking at pornography. Think about that. Trying to prove a negative. It's impossible. It was part of the high price that my sin against her and my God, I was obliged and had to pay. God freely forgives sin, but more often than not, we are not freed from the repercussions of our sin. I must admit to you that I did not go through Celebrate Recovery to break my addiction from pornography.

I had never even heard of it at the time. But as I began to be a part of a Celebrate Recovery and I began to study these steps and principles, I realized that what Celebrate Recovery teaches is exactly the same path that God had already used to bring me out of the addiction to pornography. I had to stop denying the problem and admit this was not a bad habit that I could manage, but a bondage that I could not break in my own strength. My private promises and emotional apologies and repeated attempts to quit had become their own form of insanity. If I was ever going to be free, I had to surrender myself fully to Christ to become willing to do whatever obedience required. For me, that meant stepping out of the shadows. It meant shutting down access points to the internet. It meant leaving social media and opening every dark corner of my digital life. It meant blocking software and transparency and the humiliation of being constantly accountable because I had proven that I was powerless against porn. Because of these principles and the grace of Almighty God, my marriage, scarred as it may be, is still a loving and respectful one. With time and honesty, I have been able to rebuild a certain amount of trust with my wife, but to this day, it is still a painful scar on our relationship. And to be sure, I have not been without my temptations since then. A wandering eye embattles in the mind over what I have seen in my past. But through the accountability, transparency, and the mercy and grace of the Lord Jesus, I have lived triumphantly over pornography for the past 14 years and counting.

Thank you. Celebrate Recovery gives you a Christ-centered path out of hiding and into victory. But Celebrate Recovery did not only show me how God had brought me out of pornography before I started going through the CR leadership training until we were planning a CR. I had never been a part of CR. And here I am, I am teaching the leadership stuff and I am learning it as I go. And so as I began to go through those, I thought I had everything together. You know, pornography addiction was over a decade in my rear view mirror. I thought I was handling things pretty good. But as I started going through the Celebrate Recovery step study, I began to see something else about myself. You see, I thought I was going through the material to help someone else, but God used it to corner me over a sin that was still handicapping my life and ministry. Bitterness. Hebrews 12, 15 says, See to it that no man fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness spring up and causes a trouble, and by it many become defiled. You know, the world of Christian ministry can be filled with hurts, conflicts, spite, and jealousy. I have known pastors and missionaries who after 30 and 40 years in the ministry grew detached, resentful, and angry over words that were said decades before. That is exactly where I was heading. In 2018, a personal conviction on a certain theological issue

circulated like wildfire among local pastors, men I considered mentors and friends. My reputation before them was ruined, and I became somewhat of an outcast. During that time, I don't know what it was about mowing my lawn. I think I do my best thinking sometimes mowing the lawn. But I remember mowing that lawn in that time period and pushing that lawnmower through the yard and fuming in my mind over what had been done to me. You ever had one of those things? Well, I should have said this. I tell you what, if I had that conversation again, I know what I'd say this time. That's what I was doing in my front yard as I mowed my grass. I was presently answering accusations to no one that was in the yard with me. I was defending myself before nobody in the front yard. My body was there, but my soul was chained to an offense. As I worked through CR material, God turned the spotlight of His Word onto bitterness that had deeply rooted in my heart. It showed me how bitterness had occupied my mind, distracting me from my calling and stolen the joy and the security that were mine by birthright through faith in Jesus Christ. Through a deep moral inventory, everybody say step four. Through a deep moral inventory,

I realized the stinging pain of betrayal and gossip was in large part of my own making. It was my own pride and my own rather large mouth that caused everything. It was my fault. And if I was going to go forward with the Lord Jesus, I had to let go of the bitterness and the unforgiveness that was eating me alive. I could not carry those things and walk in freedom at the same time. So once again, by the grace and the mercy and the power of Jesus Christ, I had to walk the path of correction, healing, and forgiveness that Celebrate Recovery lays out before every one of us. You see, this is what Celebrate Recovery has been to me. It's not just a story of a drunken blasphemer that met God on I-75. It's not the story of a pastor brought out of pornography's shameful shadows or a wounded man facing bitterness that was wrapped around his heart. It's the story of a God who keeps hearing the cry of poor, shattered, helpless people and responding in mercy and grace. So if you're here tonight and you are hiding, I want you to know something. I'm an expert. I've been there. I've hid for years. Maybe no one knows what you're drinking. Maybe no one knows what you're taking. Maybe no one knows what you're watching,

what you're covering up, what bitter scenes you keep rehearsing in your mind over and over. But I'll tell you this, God knows. And I don't tell you this to crush you. I tell you this because the same God who sees you is the same God who can save you. The same God who exposed me was not trying to destroy me. He was exposing me to deliver me. He brought me out of shameful darkness to bring me into the light of Christ where mercy and grace start their work of healing. You do not have to keep pretending. You do not have to keep making promises in the dark that you already know you will never keep. There is a way of escape but it begins where denial dies and where a powerless, addicted, broken sinner cries out to the Lord. the Lord. That's my testimony. I cried and the Lord heard me. I was bound and the Lord delivered me. I was guilty and the Lord forgave me. I was lost and the Lord found me. I was hiding and the Lord brought me unto Himself. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, may I remind you of the psalmist's words. This poor man cried and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. That poor man was me. And tonight, by the grace of God, that poor man or poor woman can be you.

Thank you for letting me share my story. Woo-wee. You know what, it takes courage and boldness to stand up here and reveal some truths, does it not? And I am so thankful for those that are courageous enough to do it because through them, through their journey, we can learn some things. Let me tell you all, if we listen to just some wisdom, we can spare ourselves a whole lot of detours. Amen? Amen. All right. Let's go ahead and pray out. You all want to stand? All right. So together we start with God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to your will so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with you forever in the next. Amen. Amen. Thank you all so much. I want to thank our online community for joining us. Please tune in next Tuesday. We will have another phenomenal speaker. All right. Really quick. Oh, hold on. I'm waiting.

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