The Meaning of Marriage | Fortify Series

Well, good morning. That was terrible. Good morning. Good morning. That's even better. All right, I wanna say welcome to a couple of folks this morning. I'm excited. We have our college students back, several in this service, and then more in the services to come. But a couple of groups I wanna recognize. We have East Texas Baptist University volleyball team over here. You guys, girls, wave your hand at us. We wanna celebrate you. Welcome back. And we have Laterno girls basketball team right here. All right, wave your hand a little bit. We can see you. Celebrate you. And then we've got Laterno boys soccer. I think you guys are right behind them where you should be, right? Celebrate you guys. And then I think the Laterno golf team, where's the golf team at? Somewhere, all over the, there we go, over here. All right. Welcome back.

We're glad you're here. One of the saddest parts of my year is when all the college students leave for the summer and my happiest day is when you come back. So you have made me happy today. Hey, listen, we're starting a new series today called Fortify, and what we're gonna be doing is talking about how we can build strong families with strong foundations that can impact generations. And as we walk through this, we're gonna talk about everything from marriage to what godly manhood is, what godly womanhood is. We're gonna talk about sex. We're gonna talk about how to raise kids, how to invest in the next generation. And here's what I would say. This is a series for everybody. So if you're one of our young adults, college students, young adults, and you're like, man, I'm not married. Is this for me? Here's what I would tell you. Look, I've been studying where we're going in the next few weeks, and I can just say this. I wish I would've had this as a 18, 19, 20-year-old preparing myself for marriage. It would've shaped me. So you're actually getting a head start if you stick with us in this series. You're gonna get equipped on what to look for in dating,

how to date well, how to engage in those relationships, what to look for in marriage. So this is gonna be helpful to you. There are some of you that are newlyweds, and you're trying to figure this thing out. Let me just tell you, you'll never figure it out, all right? But we're gonna give you some helpful things. I always told the earlier service that the only marriage experts there are are people that are not yet married, because you have all the answers, and then when you get married, you realize you have no answers whatsoever. As you get married, and you're married longer, you know what the problems are. You still don't know the answers either. But we're gonna hopefully discover some answers from God's Word. So if you're a young married, this is a good season for you to be here. If you're in the thick of marriage, like a lot of you are, you know, you got kids you're managing, and careers you're managing, and it's just like your life is going 900 miles an hour, this is a good place for you, because to be honest, some of you, because of maybe some rhythms that are out of order,

and maybe just some baggage that you've got, you find yourself and your marriage is broken or in trouble. And here's what I'm praying happens over the next few weeks, is that God would take what is broken and would restore it. And then there are some of you that are maybe more seasoned. You got a little gray on your hair. You still haven't figured it out. This series is for you as well, all right? And every one of your wives said amen to that. But here's the thing, is God can strengthen what is already good, amen? So we don't want good marriages, we want great marriages, we want great families, right? And so the way we build that is building it on God's Word, and that's what we're going to do. And here's why this series is essential. We are in a crisis in Western society. And we're in a crisis because there's been a breakdown of the nuclear family. You say, what is the nuclear family? A nuclear family is simply a man and a woman who are married, who live in the same household with their biological or adopted children. That's what the nuclear family is. And because there's a breakdown in the nuclear family, we have a breakdown in society. Sociologists tell us this.

They tell us that the number one contributor to violence, addiction, poverty, sexual abuse, teenage pregnancy, and crime is the breakdown of the nuclear family, the number one contributor to all of that. And just think about what we do as a government and society, the billions of dollars that we spend trying to fix all the problems, but if we would fix the home, most of the problems would go away. And so what we want to do as a church is not just be a church that points at the culture and talks like there's a problem out there. We want to acknowledge there is a problem, but we want to be solution-oriented, amen? And so we want to go to God's Word and say, how does God address these things, and how can I align my life with what he's created? And there's been an all-out assault on this in our culture. Man, a lot of families see divorce as a rite of passage. There's a lot of people who are like, yeah, I'm gonna get married, and I know it's gonna end in divorce. I'm just gonna have a good time while I can until I get that fulfilled, then I'll find someone else. We're seeing people that are now being raised generations. Some of our millennials and Gen Z are being raised and being told that, man, you gotta pursue your education and pursue your career and live a little life, sow your wild oats,

and then eventually, if marriage fits in, once you've kind of lived a little bit, then you kind of settle down. And so there's been a devaluing of families. And what we've gotta see is there's a value that God places on this, and we gotta recapture that. Because what we're left with, if we're letting the culture speak, here's what we're left with. We're left with a hook-up, shack-up, break-up culture. And what it leaves is a lot of brokenness, and it perpetuates the problem. So we wanna build the home. And so I'm gonna say some things in the series, and I just wanna say this on the up front. There's gonna be some things that I say, and you're gonna feel either a little bit of shame and maybe even a little bit of frustration. And when I say shame, it's like I'm gonna talk about things like, man, marriage is supposed to be permanent, and yet you've experienced divorce. And listen, I just wanna say to you, I don't want you to feel shame over that, because God's grace is sufficient, amen? So what I wanna do, though, is point us to what the gospel says, what the Bible says family should be, and then I want you to remember where the ideal is lacking, God's grace abounds. And that God can restore regardless of where your life is. There are gonna be some of you, you hear some of this,

and there are some struggles with sin that you have, and I'm gonna step into some of that, and it's gonna feel either shame or frustration, and here's what I wanna ask you to do. Let the word of God minister to you, amen? Let the word of God speak to you, and let the gospel of Jesus Christ bring healing. So laying some foundation here. Today we're gonna talk about marriage, we're gonna talk about the meaning of marriage. So grab your Bibles, go with me to Genesis chapter two, that's where we're gonna start. We're gonna spend a little time in Genesis two, and then we're gonna jump over to Ephesians. So overachievers, go to Genesis and hold your spot in Ephesians. Underachievers, stay with me, all right? Genesis chapter two, let me give you the idea of what's going on here. I'm gonna give you three truths that we find in the creation narrative. Three truths about marriage that I think are essential for us if we're gonna have healthy marriages, we're gonna have healthy families. Here's truth number one I want you to write down. Write this down, God designed marriage. I think this is fundamental, and oftentimes overlooked, that this is part of the issue in our culture is we've forgotten whose idea marriage is. Marriage is God's idea, amen?

So here's what you have. We're gonna be in Genesis two, but let me give you a snapshot of Genesis one. Genesis one is the creation narrative. God speaks, it is, and it is good. So what you find is God is just creating everything, and then you get toward the end of this creation narrative, and it's almost like there's a pause pushed on creation. And then God kind of huddles with the Trinity, and here's what he says. Hey, let us make man in our own image. And so what God does, he says, I'm gonna make something special. I'm gonna make humanity. And I'm gonna make humanity to bear my image. In other words, we would represent God's nature and give oversight to his creation, that we would be representatives of him on planet Earth. And so this is the unique part of humanity's makeup. And so what he does, he says, so he creates them in his image, male and female, he creates them. And so I just wanna say this, with culture and all the confusion, we gotta get back to the Bible, and we gotta remember what God's word says when all of the culture says, man, I don't know what to believe about identity and gender and all of those things. Here's what I wanna be reminded of.

The Bible says when God created, created male and female. There are two genders. And I know there's a lot of confusion and hurting people, and we need to help people who are hurting, but we have to come back to fundamental truth and recognize this is life according to God's design. I'm gonna come back to that when we get to the subject of sex a couple of weeks from now. We gotta lay this foundation. But here's the thing that I want you to know. He didn't just create male and female. We're gonna see in chapter two, he created husband and wife. Husband and wife. And so Genesis chapter two, God is retelling the story of creation, and chapter two is an echo of chapter one with one little nuance. He is gonna show us specifically how he created humanity and how we reflect this special relationship with God. And so here's what happens. Genesis chapter two, verse 18. If you're there, say the Bible is true. Awesome, here's what he says. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him. Now, I'm gonna pause here for a second and just say, this is the first time that God evaluates his creation

and says something is not good. The rhythm has been God creates, it's good. He creates this, it's good. He creates that, it's good. And then he creates man without a woman, and he's like, it ain't good. And everyone should say amen to that. Like, men get in trouble when there's no one around to keep us out of trouble. So he looks at Adam and he's like, it's not good that man should be alone. be alone, and my solution is, I'm gonna make a helper that's fit for him. And I love this picture of helper here. It's the idea, he says, the creation is incomplete because I've not created a woman yet. Every man should say amen to that. And so here's what he says, he's gonna create a helper. A helper is one who comes alongside to aid. And it's the idea, and sometimes in culture, they're like, I can't believe, you know, God would refer to a woman as a helper. Understand this, listen, the Holy Spirit is called the helper. I've been married 25 years, my wife pretends to be the Holy Spirit all the time, I promise you. She's not in the service, I can say that. God is referred to as the helper of Israel. I'm gonna come alongside and bring aid. So when he says he's gonna create a helper,

what he's saying is, I'm gonna create a woman, I'm gonna create someone of the same value and dignity, but they're gonna be a little different in design and makeup and how they're gifted, and they're gonna come alongside to aid the man so that she compliments him, and together, they could accomplish what they could not on their own. So he creates this, so here's what God does in the story. He sends Adam, before he creates Eve, he wants Adam to discover that he needs a wife, right? So he sends him out, he says, hey, I want you to go name all the animals. And I don't know where he got all the names from, but he's like, sees this thing with a long neck, he's like, I'm gonna call it a giraffe. But one of the things that Adam notices is that there's a he giraffe and a she giraffe, and he's like, okay, over there, that's a hippopotamus. I don't know where that came from, hippopotamus. And there's a he hippopotamus and a she hippopotamus. And he goes to the next animal, he's like, there's a he and there's a she, and he's names, and there's a zebra, he zebra and a she zebra, and then I think he looks at God and he's like, hey, everybody's got somebody but me. And that's when we get into verse 21, and this is beautiful. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, he took one of the ribs

and he closed up the place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. And then the man said, this is at last bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she was taken out of the man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed. See this beautiful picture here. And this is the first wedding ceremony in human history. And God is officiating it. And what you find is, is that when he creates Eve, the woman, he brings her to Adam, and there they unite in marriage, and here's what we learn. We learn that God is not only the designer of marriage, but listen, because he's the designer of marriage, he's the only one that can be the definer of marriage. Like he determines what marriage is. And so let me give you a biblical definition of what marriage is according to the Bible. Here's what it is. Marriage, by design, is one man and one woman united by God in a lifelong covenant. That's what marriage is. This is how God defines marriage. By the way, because God is designer, we don't get a chance to define it.

Government can't decide what marriage is and what marriage isn't. Only God can do this. That he is the authority. The word of God speaks to these things. This is what marriage is. It's a one man, one woman, united by God in a lifelong covenant. And I wanna say something. This has been kind of eating me up all week, but I just gotta say it, because I think it's gonna be helpful, because here's what the culture says. The culture says, who do you think you are as a Christian to say what is right and what is wrong? And here's what I would say to that. I, as a Christian, don't say anything is right or wrong. All I can do is point to the authority that I'm under, which is the living, breathing word of God. And here's what culture does. And I want all of our students in this room to hear me say this. Listen, do not let culture pigeonhole you to believe that if you adhere to what the Bible says about truth, that somehow you're the arrogant one. Because here's what it means. If you adhere to what the Bible says, it means you are coming underneath the authority of an ancient document that is thousands of years old that has proven itself to be true historically.

And archeology has verified this, that this is the living, breathing word of God. And by faith, we embrace it, and we come under the authority. But here's what culture says. Culture says, you're arrogant if you say this is truth and this is not truth. And here's what I would say to culture. I would say, listen, how do you determine truth? And here's what culture says. The way I feel, the way I think. Let me ask the question, who's the one that's arrogant? Is there the authority or the ones that say God's word is the authority? So don't get pigeonholed here. We come underneath a banner of truth that we submit to and we look to beyond our feelings and emotion because when we begin to determine that, guess what, we're making ourselves God when my feelings determine truth. Are you with me? It's awful quiet in here. We gotta come back to understanding. We don't have to run from culture. We can stand as believers on the truth. So God designed marriage. Here's truth number two. God's design for marriage is good. God's design for marriage is good.

I wanna go back and just look at this little first wedding ceremony in human history. Look at verse 23. It says, then the man said, this is at last, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh shall she be called woman because she was taken out of the man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Listen, there's so much beauty and romance, commitment and intimacy that's here. It's like I love the fact that Hollywood wants to try to paint this picture of what romance and passion and beauty is and it's like every time they do this, it's like a train wreck when we try to practice it. But listen, I'm telling you, there's no more of a romantic story of passion, of love, of commitment, of intimacy, of what the human heart is longing for in a relationship than what you find right here. Let me explain what I mean here. The beauty and the romance. Let me just kind of explain it like this. So when God creates Eve, now watch this. Adam falls in deep sleep, takes a rib from her side. He fashions her, I love that, he fashions her.

He makes Adam, he fashions Eve. And then it says he brings her to the man. I want you to get this mental image. It's like God the Father is walking the first bride down the aisle. And he takes her and he presents her to Adam. And then Adam sees her and he loses his ever-loving mind. He's like, ah, it lies. This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She should be called woman, but she's taken out of a man. You know what's happening here in the Hebrew language? He is breaking out into a song. Like he writes this poem, puts music to it. So Adam, listen, sang to his bride on the wedding day. How cool is that? Some helpless romantic right here. And he's mesmerized by her. And then they enter into this beautiful relationship of marriage. And I love this. I love the fact that the Bible tells us that he took a rib from Adam's side to fashion her. Why is that important? Matthew Henry says this. Listen to this. The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam, not out of his head to rule over him, nor from his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him,

under his arm to be protected, near his heart to be loved. Isn't that beautiful? And what you see here is you kind of see in this created order, the distinct roles that God has given. Here's what I mean. God creates Adam first. Why? Because he's establishing, Adam, you're gonna lead your family. You're gonna bear the weight of responsibility to lead your family. Not just be a spiritual leader, but to lead the family. And how do we know this? He gives Adam the command to give oversight. He gives him the command not to eat. And then God creates Eve and brings them, and now together they share. And what you see is is that she then is brought because God looks at Adam and says, you can't do this on your own. You need a helper, an aid, someone to come alongside of you with different gifts who is your equal, who together, watch this, you can accomplish what you never could on your own. And what you see is this beautiful picture of a complimentary relationship where they are united together.

This is what marriage was meant to be right here. And I know in our culture today, when we talk about roles, we wanna try to erase that. But when you erase the roles, you erase the beauty. Why? Adam was to be a lover of his wife and overflowing with his love to lead her and nurture and care and protect and guide. And she, out of a love for Adam, was going to come alongside and bring her gifts and abilities so that together as his partner, they could accomplish the mission of God together. This is a beautiful thing. So when you think about this, here's what I want you to think about. Oftentimes we think about roles of men leading and we're gonna get into manhood next week and we're gonna hit this head on. And wives coming on side and submitting and following their husbands. A lot of times we have this morphed picture of like, he's the authority. and she's supposed to do what he says. That's not at all the biblical picture. Here's the picture that I want you to get. This is the romance and beauty of marriage. I want you to think of it more like a dance. So any good dance, there's going to be good music.

There's gonna be music that has rhythm, that has a beat, right? You with me? And in every dance that's gonna be successful, someone leads and someone follows. And the goal is for the one who's leading to follow the rhythm of the music. So both of them are hearing the song. He's striving to lead in rhythm, and then when he gets off step, she's whispering in his ear, slow down, take this step. And together they're working, but listen, when he leads and she follows, you know what happens in a dance? In a good slow dance, no one sees him, they always see her. Why? Because his role in leading the dance is to highlight her beauty. This is what marriage is supposed to be. It's the slow dance. You know what the music is? It's the rhythm of the Holy Spirit. So as the Holy Spirit leads us, and as husbands love well and lead well, and as wives are listening to the music, they're helping him stay on beat, and together they dance, and God gets glory and both of them get honor.

Isn't that beautiful? This is what God created. But it's not just romance and beauty, because that's all about emotion, right? It's about commitment and intimacy. This is what he says here. A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So the phrase hold fast is important because this is a word that literally could be translated to cling to or to be super glued to, like literally speaking. Like so to hold fast is to be united as one. This word here is covenant language. Other places in the Bible, it's used as a reference to two people entering into a binding relationship for a lifetime. So what he's saying is that as you embrace your wife and as she embraces her husband, that through marriage and the consummation of the marriage, there's a mingling of souls that happen and you enter into this relationship where now you are joined where there was two, there is now one family unit. You don't lose your personalities or your individual giftings, but rather the two are brought together so there's now one family unit. Are you tracking with me?

This is covenant, permanent. This is why he says, he says, and the two will become one flesh, and then he says that they were in the garden naked and unashamed, one of the greatest verses in all the Bible. Why naked and unashamed? Here's I think the beauty of this intimacy that you see here. What does it mean to be naked and unashamed? It means that you are fully known but completely loved. It means that you are fully open and bare before, they know everything about you. That's the most vulnerable you can be, and yet you know they're not walking away. That's what marriage is supposed to be, of deep commitment and deep intimacy where we can know and be known and we can rest in the fact that they can know the ugly parts and the worst parts and the things that nobody else knows and yet they're not going anywhere. They're gonna love me and stay with me. This is the beauty of the permanency of marriage. One of the things that the two becoming one, they leave their father and mother. Our family right now, we are preparing for a wedding. My oldest got engaged during sabbatical, and so we got a marriage, a wedding in March coming up, and it's go time right now.

And I'm learning right now how to manage this thing. I told Nate, Nate and I were talking. I was like, dude, listen, here's the thing. There's gonna be a lot of planning going on and they're gonna ask you your opinion. Let me tell you, don't fall for it. They don't want your opinion. They want your verification. They don't want your input. So I hear, I told him, I said, we gotta learn this. Here's what we do. When they come and ask you, what do you think? You say, I love all the options. And then you ask this question, what do you think? Because they're gonna tell you what they think. And then you say, that's exactly what I was thinking. And then the rest of your life, this is gonna be your life right here. So we're in this process and people have come up to me and here's what they've said to me. And listen, I want you to hear this. And some of you in-laws in here need to hear this. Some of you unmarried couples in here need to hear this for your in-laws. So people have come to me and said, hey, aren't you excited you're gonna have a new son? And aren't they excited they're gonna have a new daughter? And I'm like, yeah, I love the fact that we're welcoming Nate into the family and she's gonna be welcomed into her family.

But make no mistake, Nate isn't joining my family and she is not joining their family. They're leaving their family to start a new family so that we can become extended family. They're gonna leave mom and daddy and they're gonna take hold of one another and they're gonna become one, a brand new, this is God's design, a brand new family unit. And people ask me, said, aren't you sad about this? I'm like, no, I'm not sad about it. about, why would I be sad about this? I've been preparing her for this her whole life, and I've been praying for him his whole life. Why won't I be sad when God answers a prayer? Marriage is a good thing, amen? And so what we've gotta understand is that what God created is good. And this is something that we should value and pursue, and young adults in here, to not delay, but be actively looking to become the type of spouse you should become, and to look for the right person, and to long for that. And for those of you who are in marriage, you should not look at it as a burden, but as a blessing. And those who are going through the struggle of marriage and all of the anxiety that comes with it, you should fight, why? Because this is a good gift God has given us. In fact, let me just say this. Notice in the story that God's solution

to Adam's loneliness wasn't a golf buddy. It wasn't a hunting friend. He didn't create Eve and like, hey, she's alone, let's go find somebody she can go drink coffee with, or shop. The solution for humanity's loneliness was a spouse. This was the first relationship that he creates, is the family, a husband and wife, who then are going to create more image bearers of God. And as they love one another, and serve one another, and they make babies, and they make more image bearers, and their family pursues and loves the Lord. It's a beautiful thing, because here's what we know. God's design was for humanity to flourish and cover the earth. So watch this. When God wanted to build a civilization, he didn't create government, he created a family. And the problem in our society today is that the government wants to replace family when the government was never meant to be the foundation of society the family was. So we've got to get back to the value of what God says is good, and it's good. And just so, by the way, I'm gonna throw a little nugget out here just to help young adults in the room. People are like, you're letting your daughter get married at 20? Yep. Her mama got married at 19.

She found a great man. So my daughter, I've been telling my daughter, I've been, her whole life, I've been saying, hey, the greatest calling you'll ever get is to be a wife and a mother, wife and a mother, wife and a mother. So she goes, are you really gonna let me get married at 19 or 20? I'm like, if you find me at 19 or 20, yes, I'm gonna let you get married. And she found him, all right? So he's even better than me. So the point is this, you know, sociologists and those who study society say this, here's what they say, that the happiest marriages and the healthiest marriages are marriages that start young, when you have nothing. So all this nonsense of wait until you build some, well, you'll never afford marriage. Can I just tell you that? Like, I'm gonna wait till I can afford kids. You'll never have kids, all right? So you can never afford, yeah, so here's the point. The point is that when you, if you start young and you build a life together and you grow up together, it creates strong families. But when you go live a life of independence for a long time and then you try to add some of that, it makes it more complicated.

Again, I'm not telling you that you're without hope if you're not married and you're a little bit older. I think there is hope for you. I'm just telling this younger generation that keeps punting on this and just kind of floats from relationship to relationship, finding yourself. Here's what I would say to you. You're gonna find yourself alone if you're not careful. Seek to be a spouse that someone desires and find the spouse that God desires for you. So here's the problem, here's the problem. This is all fun and good and it's great, it's beautiful and commitment, except for the reality is most of us live in homes that have been broken at some level. Would you agree with that? Like in this room, I know that there's divorce and there's divorce in your family. Maybe you've been divorced. There's heartache, there's abusive parents, there's moms and dads that hated each other and you're like, man, I'm done with this thing. I don't even know. Like you're looking at this thing going, if it's so beautiful, why is it so broken? And what culture will tell you is that marriage itself is broken, but I'm here to tell you marriage isn't broken. Here's truth number three, marriage isn't broken, we are. Marriage isn't broken.

It's not antiquated, not outdated. The problem with marriage is not marriage, the problem is us. And say, what do you mean? Well, in Genesis three, we're not gonna go there, but in Genesis three, there's this thing called the fall. Adam refused to walk in his responsibility to be the leader of his home. Because of that, Eve was deceived by the serpent. They both ate of the fruit. The fall happened. All of a sudden, they were naked and now ashamed, and so they run from one another and God, so now you have a severed relationship within the home and with God. They're running and they're hiding, and eventually God pursues and seeks and he begins to restore, but he tells them, hey, from this point forward, he looks at Eve and says, because of this sin, there's gonna be increased pain in childbirth, you're gonna war for your husband's position and he's gonna wanna dominate over you, so now. there's gonna be not only pain in parenting, there's gonna be strife in marriage. Think about pain in parenting. Why are we shocked by that? Two sinners making babies who are sinners and now you got more sinners, right? So it just makes sense that parenting is hard.

And then there's strife within marriage. What was created like this in chapter two now becomes this, right? And then he tells Adam, he's like, because of this, man, the sweat of your brow, work was gonna be enjoyable and easy and all the provision was gonna be there now through thorns and thistles and the sweat. In other words, providing for your family and managing your household is gonna be a chore, it's gonna be laborsome, it's gonna be hard. And so what we discover is that there's consequences, but even before you leave Genesis three, what you find is is that God offers a sacrifice and he takes the clothing of animals and he clothes Adam and Eve to cover their shame as a foreshadowing of the work that Christ was gonna do to cover the sin and shame through his death on the cross. So here's the question we're gonna finish with in Ephesians, here's the question. So why would God create a relationship in Genesis two that he knows he's gonna be broken in Genesis three and knows it's gonna cause all kinds of issues and be a struggle and like, why would he do that? I think this mystery is solved in Ephesians chapter five. Flip over there if you would, Ephesians five. Paul is gonna help us find the answer to the mystery of marriage and in that, we're gonna discover the meaning of marriage. I want you to listen to what he says in verse 31.

He says this, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. How many of you have heard that verse before? I just read it a few minutes ago. So he's literally quoting word for word Genesis two and so he's going back and going, I'm gonna remind you of the first wedding ceremony and listen to what he says in verse 32, lean into this. He says, this mystery is profound. What mystery is profound? The mystery of marriage. Like what Paul is acknowledging is there's something about this relationship that God created that is a little bit of a mystery. Like why did he create it and why did he create it like he did? There's just this unknown like purpose that God has but listen to what he says, this mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. So here's what Paul is saying here. Paul is showing us that this mystery of marriage is really to be this, write this down if you're taking notes, the meaning of marriage is to illustrate the gospel. The meaning of marriage is to illustrate the gospel. Paul is telling us here, God created marriage before the fall, knowing the fall would come and here's why and knowing he was gonna redeem humanity. And so here's why he created marriage.

He created a relationship before the fall, knowing the fall would come because he wanted a relationship that would illustrate the redemptive work he would do for humanity. Now here's what I believe this means for us. See Jesus is the groom, the church is the bride and that's what he's doing. And though we have not loved Jesus, he loved us and he pursued us when we didn't pursue him. And he laid his life down for us when we didn't deserve it. To make us his own, this is why through the Old Testament whenever God talks about his people, oftentimes God will refer himself as the groom, as the husband and the people as the bride and when he talks about idolatry, he would call idolatry adultery, why? Because he's saying when you bow any to other gods, it's like you're cheating on your spouse. I'm to be your husband. And though we have failed him time and time again as a faithful husband, he has pursued us and he has redeemed us. So listen to this, Jesus's love for us goes beyond mere feelings and emotions. When we are saved, we enter into a covenant of binding eternal relationship with Jesus that's not rooted in what we do for him but rooted in what he's done for us and he takes us as his own even though we fail him and he loves us.

So listen to me, if you're new to church, I just want you to know that salvation or having a relationship with God is not found in you being good enough and cleaning yourself up and being a better version of you. Salvation and having a right relationship with God is rooted in recognizing that though you're none of those things, God loves you and he sent Christ to die for you and he invites you into a relationship where he will cover your sins and he will make you his own. This is the covenant love of God that we are loved with and so he loves us when we are unlovable. He pursued us in our sin. He laid his life down to redeem us while we were his enemies. He is 100% faithful though we fail him. He loves us unconditionally. Even when we are unlovable, he knows the worst about us and still chooses us. And when we respond to his love and submission, our love for him grows, leading us to serve him and be faithful to him and live in the security, listen to this, that even though we fall short, he's never going to leave. That's the relationship Christ came to give himself to us. Like to make possible. So what he does is he creates this thing called marriage that is supposed to be a living, breathing illustration of that relationship. And here's what that means.

As I love Adrian unconditionally and she loves me unconditionally, when I fail her and she doesn't leave, when I hurt her feelings and she forgives, when I'm not fulfilled, but I still give everything to her, though there are wounds and there are scars in the relationship, we say to each other, I'm not leaving. And she says, and I'm not leaving, guess what? We are painting a picture to the world of what Jesus has done for us. Can I just tell you, great marriages are determined by the hard days, not the easy days. That's when the covenant relationship with God is known. So we've got to recognize this is a covenant, not a contract. The gospel is a covenant, it's not a contract. See, what's the difference between a contract and a covenant? Listen to this, a covenant is binding, a contract is conditional. A covenant is based upon giving, but a contract is based upon receiving. A covenant is about serving, a contract is about being served. A covenant says, I will, period. A contract says, I will if you do. And the reason most marriages are in a train wreck is because we're treating our marriages like a contract. We have strings attached, we have terms and conditions.

If they go unmet, we hold each other in contempt. The problem is that we think, listen to this, somewhere along the way, we thought marriage was about our happiness. And we have a culture that just says to you, hey, do you, be you, be happy, find you, God wants you to be happy. And listen to me, God wants you to have joy and happiness occasionally. See, joy goes beyond your feelings and emotion. It's a deep-rooted something in your soul that says, I find contentment on my worst days, just like I do on my bad days. But the happiness is a fleeting emotion. So listen, when marriage is meant for your happiness, then your marriage is gonna be as healthy as how you feel. But marriage has never been about your happiness. Marriage is about your holiness. And as you reflect Christ to your spouse, you're painting a picture and you're illustrating the gospel. What happens is, is that God begins to do a sanctifying work in you. You know why? I can't love my wife like Christ without the Holy Spirit. I'm too selfish. But as he transforms me, because I am loving her and surrendering to Christ by loving her, then something happens. The greatest gift I was ever given

was when my grandmother was dying. My grandmother was dying of Alzheimer's and as she began to forget people and she began to lose control of her own body, eventually in a nursing home, I watched my Papaw every day. I watched my Papaw every day. He would love her, hold her hand, wipe her face, tell her stories, patient when she didn't even know who he was, read to her the Bible, and every day he would go and sit with her for hours. And for all of those months, she brought nothing to the table. And he loved her and was holding her hand when she breathed her last breath. For those of you in this room that wanna walk out of this room and be a part of this, I want you to know that you are a part of God's work. That wanna walk out because you're not feeling it, you are robbing your family of the gift of seeing Jesus in action. And you're looking for some romance that you've seen in a movie. Can I tell you the most romantic thing I've ever seen in my life was my grandfather holding my grandmother's hand. when she didn't even know his name.

I don't know about you, that's the legacy I want my kids to have. That's only found in the gospel. So how do we do this? I'm gonna give you one last thing to write down and just a couple of applications with it. So if the meaning of marriage is to illustrate the gospel, listen to this, the means to a healthy marriage is to emulate the gospel. Is to emulate the gospel. How do I have a healthy marriage? What does it even look like? It means that you strive to give your spouse what you have freely received from Jesus. Like you just give to your spouse what you've received in Jesus. So here's the question, how do you love your spouse when they fail you? Well, let me ask you a question. What does Jesus do when you fail him? Do that. How do you respond to your spouse when she's on or he's on your last nerve? Hypothetically speaking. How patient is Jesus with you? Be that. When you're hurt by your spouse, how do you forgive them? How have you been forgiven? You see, if we'll just do this,

if we'll just inhale the gospel, like this is the secret, ready? This is the secret sauce. Inhale the gospel, breathe it in. Every day I gotta remind myself who I am without Christ, where I was when he found me, how I fail him every day, and yet his love never goes away. His unconditional favor, I'm unlovable on most days, and yet his love is still there. He's faithful when I'm faithless. God is there, so when I'm drinking that in and I'm drinking that in, God is there, so when I'm drinking that in and I'm breathing that in, so I inhale that, remembering constantly who I am and where he found me and the love that he gives me, and then I look to my spouse and I exhale that into her life. You see, the problem in the Connaught's household when things are off, typically it's my fault, let's just be honest, but here's the problem. When I place myself as of a higher importance of Jesus, that's when the wheels come off, and here's what I mean. When I think I am entitled to more from my wife than I give Jesus. Like, I love it when Jesus forgives me. Anybody thankful for that?

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. It saves a wretch like me. And then we turn around and tell our wife, I can't forgive you because. The kindness of the Lord, the sweetness of the Lord, and then we're rude and obnoxious and bitter to our spouse. Come on. Don't be better than Jesus, be like Jesus. So how do we do this? Let me give you a couple of things. This is just practical. If you know Christ, here's the secret. I'm gonna give you a couple of things to write down. Here's the secret. Number one, be filled with the Holy Spirit. How do we emulate the gospel? Be filled with the Holy Spirit. Walk in Holy Spirit power. Walk in Holy Spirit power. Walk in Holy Spirit power. Walk in Holy Spirit power. Walk in Holy Spirit power. Walk in Holy Spirit power. Jesus's life was a life filled with the Holy Spirit. How do we think we're gonna love our spouse without the filling of the Holy Spirit? Unconditional love is not natural, it's supernatural. So there's gotta be a surrender constantly, confession of sin, coming before the Lord, being in the Word, praying for your spouse,

praying for your own heart, asking Him to fill you. Why? Because out of the overflow of the Spirit, the fruit of the Spirit comes. That's how you love your spouse. Here's number two. Love unconditionally. Ain't that how Christ loved us? Like just be resolved. One of the things my wife and I said, look, divorce is not on the table. I always said until death do us part. That's not, that's possible. She might kill me sometime. But love unconditionally. Like, I'm not going anywhere. She's not going anywhere. Love unconditionally. Number three, seek to serve, not to be served. Seek to serve. Like what if your motivation was like, I wanna be fulfilled? What if it was, I wanna fulfill? I wanna find out, like Adrian loves it when I help in the kitchen. It's like Justin Timberlake, I'm bringing sexy back when I go in the kitchen and help her, right? You know why? It ministers to her heart because I'm, and we have some of the best conversation.

When I seek to serve, marriage is good. When she seeks to serve, marriage is good. When I look to be served, marriage is not good. Why? Because I'm not living like Jesus. Here's the last one. Initiate reconciliation. And I want you to listen to this. There are some of you in this room, and it's time that you stop sitting like this in your marriage. Let me just ask you this question. Who pursued reconciliation between you and Jesus? You or him? Was Jesus a bit like heaven going, yeah, when they get it right, I'll give myself on the cross. No, no, Jesus says, while you were still sinners, I died for you. When you were my enemies, I pursued you. You rejected me over and over and over and over again. I never stopped chasing you. Listen, Jesus initiated, I'm thankful for that. You know what that means? I need to initiate reconciliation with my spouse. If there's an issue, and men in the room, we're gonna talk about you next week. It's gonna be a great sermon next week. I think it's gonna be helpful. But here's what I would say.

We gotta lead the way in this because it's really hard for us. Swallow our pride. Some of the greatest things that can happen today from God's word is for some of you, you men and maybe the wives, to grab the hand of your spouse and look at them in the eyes and mean it and look at them and say, I just want you to know I'm sorry. And I need you to forgive me. And we may have a lot of stuff we gotta unpack, but it's gotta start with that. I think there could be marriages saved today if there would be some of you that would just say, I'm gonna initiate reconciliation. I'm gonna swallow my pride. That's what Jesus did for us. So we're gonna be walking through this slowly. And so I'm not gonna give a formal response right now. But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna pray a blessing over you. And I want us to leave understanding what marriage is, what it's for, and how we can do it in a way that paints a picture of Jesus and brings health to our lives. And I want you to go walk in that and where that's lacking, step into the space of the gospel and let Jesus do a work through you, amen. Father, we love you.

I thank you for what you've done in this room. I pray for marriages right now that are in trouble. I pray that you would bring reconciliation. And God, I pray that as we walk through this series, there will be testimony after testimony after testimony of families that have been rescued. It's in Jesus' name we pray, amen.