Let's Talk About Sex | Fortify Series

Amen be seated well listen as we talked about before we are in our fortify series and today we're going to talk about sex and sexuality we have already warned you that this is a sermon that's sensitive it's not going to be rated g if your kids are too young to hear this sermon we've warned you do not blame me for questions that you're not prepared to answer on your drive home all right that's all i'm saying don't email me just blame yourself all right so here's what we're going to do because i got a lot to cover and we want to make sure that we're thorough in this subject so what i'm going to do is we're going to go to genesis 1 for a few minutes so make your way to genesis 1 you overachievers can go ahead and go to proverbs 5 as well because what i'm going to do in genesis 1 i'm going to lay some framework theological framework for the subject of sex and sexuality then we're going to go to proverbs and we're going to glean wisdom on how we can experience god's best and and avoid the pitfalls and dangers that are there in that area of our life this gift that god has given the enemy wants to distort and destroy us with it and so we're going to be in both of those places genesis chapter 1 is where we're starting if you're there say the bible is true he says in verse 26 god created man in his own image in the image of god he created him male and female he created them and then god blessed them and god said to them be fruitful and multiply be fruitful and multiply is another way for god to say go and have some babies and you have babies by making babies and we do that through the act of sexual intercourse so he's already introducing the subject of sex in genesis chapter 1 verse 26 and then he says in chapter 2 flip over a page or two there genesis chapter 2 verse 24 he says therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and take hold of his wife and the two will become one flesh so this whole idea of holding fast to become one flesh is this idea of sexual intimacy so here's here's what i want you to understand all right god created sex and sexuality god created so this morning you're gonna hear me say like a dozen times sex or sexuality and some of you were like i'm in church and it doesn't feel right like oh he shouldn't say that in church listen the cat's out of the bag god knows about it all right just so you know he's aware god's not up there going what did he just say uh god created it and designed it and the reason that's important is because whatever god designs god defines so here's how we experience god's best in god's world it's when we walk in god's ways so if sex is a gift that god created for our blessing then when we experience it his way it brings joy and blessing right so but when we walk in it outside of the bounds of what he's created it for outside the design it brings destruction and pain

into our life that's just the truth so here's what i'm gonna do i'm gonna give you just a few moments of framework this is going to be very elementary but in our culture today it's amazing how much of this we've lost and a lack of understanding on this subject so i'm gonna give you two categories for this the first in the framework is the parameters of sex and sexuality and then i'm going to give you the purpose of sex and sexuality and again i'm just going to fly over and then we're going to get to proverbs all right so the parameters of sex and sexuality here's number one there are only two genders there are only two genders he says very clearly here god made them male and female man and woman and so when he creates this this sexual gift or this gift of sex and the sexuality that he's created us with understand there's one man and one woman and sex was intended to be experienced between one man and one woman now anatomically and biologically speaking if you know anything about the female anatomy and the male anatomy this just makes sense and i'm going to really resist uh like i'm just going to hold on to the podium and not use my hands too much during this sermon because you'll blush in a hurry all right so understand this biologically speaking all right i'm holding on to this and i'm not showing you the way god has designed men and women it just makes sense that sex was created and designed for one man and one woman to experience are you with me say amen all right here's number two you ready sex was created for marriage only sex was created for marriage only i'm going to say it again sex was created for marriage only no exceptions all right so let me just say this to you i know that sex is a gift but that gift has a context and a place that place is the context of marriage so watch this sex was not created just for one man and one woman but rather one man and one woman in the covenant of marriage in the covenant of marriage god does not bless any sexual activity that's outside the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman he just doesn't this is the way that he has created it this is what the context that he's designed it for so here's what that means if you're in a dating relationship and i don't care how young you are how old you are whether you've been married now divorced and dating again if you're in a relationship and you are engaging in sex Activity listen you can say you're married in your heart all you want, but you're not God does not recognize being married in your heart He recognizes a covenant that is made before him and is sanctioned by the state He does not acknowledge being married in your heart if you're having sex outside of marriage listen You're living in sin, and you need to repent Got quiet in here

We got to hear God's Word if we're gonna walk in God's ways Here's number three all sexual activity beyond these parameters is sin It's just created two genders one Woman one man in the covenant of marriage any sexual activity outside of this is sin So let me just do what the Bible says is forbidden in the Bible So here's what it says scripture says this that fornication adultery homosexuality polygamy incest rape molestation and prostitution and bestiality are all strictly forbidden in Scripture then if that wasn't enough to go through the gamut of those things in the New Testament we see this word Sexual immorality Now this word in the Greek sexual immorality is one word. It's the Greek word pornea Guess what English word we get from pornea Pornography, but it doesn't just mean pornography Pornea is a what we'd call a junk drawer word that is a reference to any sexual activity Outside of one man and one woman in the covenant marriage So the human heart is wicked and we devise all kinds of ways of sending specifically sexually And so there's just this word that says okay even for the things that haven't been invented yet That too is sinful because it's outside of God's design for one man one woman in the in the covenant of marriage. Amen So that's the parameters for sex. Here's the purpose of sex. Here's the purpose of sex. I'm gonna give you three There's there's a few more I could nuance in here. But these are the three primary purposes. Number one is reproduction reproduction In case you didn't know this is the whole birds-and-bees conversation. This is where babies come from. All right It's this this act of procreation now before you just go kind of science and biology think relationally for a moment Think about this for a moment the way God designed sex was for one man one woman who love each other to be bound together in the covenant of marriage for a lifetime and this couple will engage and Sexual activity and the outcome would be the DNA from one and the DNA from other will form a brand new DNA that will be another human life. Now. This is amazing Like do you do realize God's in control of all things? He could have like procreation could have been through a high-five I mean he's got his God God right? Amen. It could have been like boom and there's a baby like that Could that could have happened right?

But but God didn't design it God designed this intimate connection That the two would become one flesh and the outcome would be these two people who love one another In the covenant of marriage there would be a another Human that represents the best of both of them. It's a beautiful thing that God has done Reproduction. Here's number two pleasure Like God is a good God and if you don't know he's a good God I'm giving you a reason to believe he's a good God today All right God gave us this gift of sex and One of the purposes of it is is pleasure God has designed the human anatomy both in females and males that there are some parts of our body made for pleasure alone and God is a good God who's designed this in fact there is a book in the Bible called Song of Solomon and in Song of Solomon is devoted to the celebration of the sexual relationship between a husband and wife a romantic and intimate and sexual relationship between Husband and wife so it's a two-color. It's a couple that are that are pursuing one another before marriage they're saving themselves for marriage and they get married and then the rest of the book of Song of Solomon is them delighting in one another no talk of baby or reproduction or anything like that It's just he desires her she desires him and they're romantic and they're writing notes and they're pursuing each other and they're complimenting each other And it's in it's like there's a lot of metaphor and poetic imagery that paint picture. That's really not hard to see Let me give you an example because I know you want one. Here's an example. Here's what he says. He's writing I love not by the way. This is a Hallmark moment. He writes this this note. He says to her He says your stature is like a palm tree and your breast are its Cluster, I will climb the tree and lay hold of the fruit Some of you are like that's not in the Bible you made that up No, it's in the Bible. You ought to read the Bible sometime. Some of you have never read the Bible I know the first book of the Bible. I'm reading right now. I'm reading the song like I love this church right now. So That that's it's a gift for pleasure. Here's the third for intimacy intimacy When sex is introduced in chapter 2 of Genesis He says for this reason the man shall leave his father and mother

Hold fast to his wife. The idea is be to be joined to his wife and the two will become one flesh one flesh and again Thinking about the human anatomy and and how this this works He's what he says here is this is that the two become one flesh and literally speaking. That's what happened happens in the act of sex. This is why God creates this to be within the context of marriage. It's because sex is more than a physical act. It is an emotional, spiritual, and intimate act. Watch this. Listen, don't miss this. It's a knitting together of souls, knitting together of souls. The two literally become one. Let me give you another example of this in Genesis chapter 4 verse 1. This is what the scripture says. It says, now Adam knew Eve and his wife, his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain. Now watch this. He says, Adam knew Eve and the outcome is she's pregnant. Now it didn't take a rocket science to figure out what knowing his wife means there. But he uses the word in the Hebrew, knew. It's the most, it's a word that means beyond mental knowledge. It's intimate knowledge. It's to know someone in the fullest way. And so he doesn't say, it could have been said in the passage, and Adam slept with Eve or Adam had sex with Eve and she conceived and bore a son. It doesn't say that. It says he knew her because the Bible is showing us something that sex is more than just a physical act. It is an emotional, spiritual, intimate connection that God has created marriage to be the, created sex to be the thing that brings the couple together to the deepest intimacy that we're supposed to have with another human being.

That person that we're married to only is the only person that we know in this way. This is God's design for sex. That's his purpose. Now, I want us to jump over to Proverbs because I've given you the framework and now talk some wisdom. And what we're going to do in the next, the rest of our time together is we're going to walk through a flyover of Proverbs 5, 6, and 7, and here's what we're going to discover. We're going to discover the dangers of sex and sexuality if we don't walk in at God's ways and some wisdom on how we can, we can walk in at God's ways. Now here's what's happening in the song, in Proverbs here. Solomon is writing this and he's writing it to his son or sons. So picture Solomon. He's kind of an old man. If you know anything about Solomon, you realize that Solomon lived a pretty reckless life. If you go back and read Ecclesiastes, he experienced everything under the sun monetarily in his career and sexually. And here was the end result, Solomon says of his life, vanity, vanity, all is vanity. In other words, meaningless. Life is meaningless. I pursued everything there was to pursue sexually and at the end of the day, it was meaningless. So this is a man who's learned the hard way that God's way is the best way and now he's talking to his son and he's pouring into his son and he's hoping his son escapes the pitfalls and the decisions that he made. Let me tell you, there's two ways you can learn wisdom. One is from your own mistakes. The other is from the mistakes of others. Solomon wants his son, so he's having the sex talk. Like I heard a story a while back of a father who had a sex talk with his son. He took him on a trip and they had the conversation, someone's like third grade or fourth grade. They're having a conversation.

And the family's, by the way, got three or four kids and so let's just say four. And so they had the conversation. He explains the birds and the bees the best a third or fourth grader could ever imagine. And then he's like, do you have any questions? And the little kid raises his hand and he's like, yeah, I've got one question. And he's like, so you and mom did that four times? And dad was like, yeah, we did it four times. That's all we did was four times. All right. So you got four siblings, four times. So here's the point. He's having this awkward conversation with his son and he's pointing him to truth. Here's what I want you to do. So men in the room, he is going to talk from a father to a son and he's going to warn his son against the forbidden woman. The forbidden woman is any sexual encounter outside of marriage. Ladies in the room, for every forbidden woman, there is a forbidden man. So I just want you to imagine not just a father talking to a son, but a mother talking to a daughter and she's warning you from men or from temptation that would lead you astray. Are you with me? Say, uh-huh. All right, let's jump in. Here's the first thing he's going to highlight of these insights. Sexual sin begins with seduction, but ends in destruction. Sexual sin begins with seduction and ends in destruction. Look at what he says in verse one. He says, my son, be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge. In other words, he's saying, listen to me.

These words I'm giving you are meant to protect you. Hang on to them. And then he says this, for the lips of the forbidden woman drip honey and her speech is smoother than oil. Here's what he's talking about. The forbidden woman is the person, not your spouse. It's that sexual appetite for that person that's trying to seduce you or to woo you into sin that's not your spouse. And here's what he describes. He says the words are like honey or her lips are like honey and there's like this smooth oil. In other words, it's appealing, it's enticing. She says the right things to you, like she gives you compliments and you're like. flattered, she laughs at your jokes even though they're dumb. She flirts with you and makes you feel alive. You feel like your wife ignores you, but this woman, she hates you. Or it's the man that gives you compliments that your husband doesn't give you, and he listens to you, and you don't feel heard at home. He flirts with you and makes you feel beautiful, and because of that, you begin to open up your heart to someone that, on the outside, in your feelings, you're like, man, this feels right. And he says, listen, that's the way the sexual sin works. It's the websites. You're like, I think if I just click it, I'll kind of feel alive for a few moments. And so it starts out with honey and sweetness, and it's like oil, but look what he says next. He says, but in the end, she is as bitter as wormwood, as sharp as a two-edged sword. In other words, it starts sweet and it ends bitter. Verse 5 says this, her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. Literally, listen, what he's saying is that it sounds sweet, and there's honey, and it's

like oil, and everything is making you feel a certain way, but he's warning. He's saying, son, but don't be deceived. She's going to lead you, he says, to Sheol, the path of death. The idea of Sheol is hell, and I don't think he's talking literally like eternal hell. Here's what I think he's saying. He's like, sexual sin will lead you to a place where you're like, I'm going to die. You're going to go to a place where your life becomes a living hell. It'll kill your marriage, it'll kill your relationships, it'll destroy your kids, it'll ruin your, it'll destroy your purity. There'll be things in your life and damage to your life that you never imagined. You're like, man, it started out like honey, and now it's bitter. He says this in verse 5, or 6 rather, he says, she does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wander, and she does not know it. Here's what he's doing here, and throughout the Proverbs, you even see this in the Psalms, here's how life is described. Life is described as a pathway, like all of us are on a pathway. And the decisions we make, watch this, are the steps that we take. And our decisions are either leading us in a path toward life, or it's a path toward destruction, period. And so the decisions we make, they're either moving us to life, or they're moving us to death, and it's all rooted in what we see in front of us and how we respond to the temptations that woo and war for our hearts. And what he's saying is, this woman who is seducing you and enticing you, this temptation that feels so great, and it looks like a great choice, and this is the direction I feel in my heart I should go, here's what he's saying. He says, listen, this person does not have your best interest in mind. They're wooing you, they're acknowledging you, they make you feel alive. But at the end, listen, they're willing to use you and burn down your life, kill your family, your marriage, wound your kids. Like this person is not out for what's best, they're out for what's best for them.

It's the path to shield. It starts in seduction, but it ends in destruction. And so he says to him, how do we avoid this? He tells them this, listen, so you don't flirt with sexual sin, you flee from it. You don't flirt with sexual sin, you flee from it. Look what he says in verse 7. He says, and now, oh, sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door to her house. Notice what he's saying here. He's saying, son, because, listen, I know the honey is sweet and I know that her words are like oil, but I'm telling you where it's leading, so here's what you need to do. You don't flirt with sin, you flee from sin. Don't even go near the door. You're like, wait a second, there's anything wrong with the door? I'm not sinning. Like, listen, going near the door isn't necessarily a failure, but it is a foolish decision. Don't even go near the door. See, here's what the human heart does. Here's what we do, specifically in the area of sex and sexuality. We just want to navigate to the line. We want to get as close to the line as possible. So we ask things like this, hey, how far is too far? Can I just tell you, when you start asking how far too far is, you've already gone too far. Where is the line? What's the limit? What's the boundary? Listen, you're asking the wrong question. You see, listen, when you ask the question, how far is too far? That's not a pursuit of holiness. You're trying to get as close to sin as possible without actually crossing the line.

And listen, here's one thing you need to know about sin. Sin always, always moves one direction, and that's further and further away from holiness. So you like, you do things like this, you rationalize, you're like, man, it's just, listen, it's just one image, just one click. Like, I'm not going to. It's just one cup of coffee, what could go wrong? Look, there's nothing wrong with having a cup of coffee with someone, I know I'm not married to them, and I know that I've got these butterflies, and I know kind of like, I know where this could lead, but I'm not gonna go there. I'll just have the cup of coffee because, man, it just made me feel good, or maybe it's just that DM. I'm just gonna send a message. They've been an old friend for a long time. I'll just message and see how they're doing. It's innocent, no big deal, and here's what's happening. We're getting closer and closer and closer and closer to the door, and sin moves one direction, and before too long, you're not just standing near the line, your foot's on the line, and then you get comfortable and you're like, okay, hey, nothing's happening right now, and in the human heart, what do we do? Sin moves one direction. We're like, okay, I'm gonna step over the line, and now what we do is we go, let me just see how long I can live at the line or just over the line without having any major consequences, and sin continues to drift, and your life then

gets burned down because you started hanging around the door. You flee, you don't flirt, you pay attention to your heart. Do you have butterflies when you see his or her car in the parking lot? Do you look forward to crossing paths with them during the day? Do you find yourself looking at their social media? Do you find yourself clicking on the link? Like you're flirting with something that you can't control. It'll ultimately control you. Look what happens. He says this, verse nine, because if you get close to the door, here's the outcome. Lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless. Lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of foreigners. Here's what he's saying. Simply is this, you get close to the door, you start flirting with sin, you're gonna cross lines you never thought you would cross, and here's the outcome. You build your life, you build your family, you build your reputation, you build your character for years and years and years, and just a series of getting too close to the door, ultimately, you cross a line you never intended to cross, and you lose everything that you've worked for your entire life. All of a sudden, somebody else is tucking your kids

in bed at night. All of a sudden, there are wounds in the hearts of your friends and family that never get fully healed or prepared, and you never intended for it to ever get there, but you started hanging around the door too long, and the enemy grabbed ahold of you, and now you're in a place you never thought you would be, because this is what sin does. Look what he says in verse 11. And at the end of your life, you groan when your flesh and your body are consumed. You say, how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof, and here's what he's simply saying. He's like, somewhere along the way, as you're getting close to the door, the Holy Spirit is tapping on your shoulder, going, this is not a place for you. You need to run from this, and you're like, oh, no, I think I got this, I think I got this. Scripture verses come to mind. Maybe there's even people speaking into your life accountability, going, hey, listen, I thank you for spending too much time with this person. You really need to watch out for this. And somewhere along the way, you look at the Holy Spirit or that friend or the scriptures, and you're like, I got this, leave me alone. And now there's groaning the rest of your life, because you thought you got it, and it got you. This is what sin does, and he pleads, he says in verse 13, he says this, I did not listen to the voice of my teachers

or incline my ear to the instructor. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembly of the congregation. He's like, I ignored all the warning signs, never intending on crossing that line and burning my life down, but here I am. Public shame, public embarrassment. Family damage forever. This is the human nature. We wanna dance with the line. Now think about this, I got a speeding ticket a year ago. I was in Minnesota, I was going on a hunting trip with Justin Arnold and my son Noah, and we got a rental car at the airport. We're on the road, we're driving to Wisconsin. And so I'm driving, and like many of you, when I get behind the wheel of a car, the first thing I do is I'm like, what is the speed limit? So it's 70, and I immediately set my cruise to 65 because there's no reason to even try, right? That's what you do. Why is it so quiet in here? Y'all know I'm lying in church right now, right? So here's what I do. You know what I do? And this is just full confession, right? I'm coming clean before you and the Lord. So I get in and then I do this. I get up to about 72 and I set my cruise control because the speed limit is 70.

And I'm like, okay, I'm at that line. They could be off one or two miles, right? And then I started asking myself the question, really what is the ticket range? Is it two miles over, three miles over? So I get to 73 and I get comfortable talking. And now I'm bumping 74, maybe 76. And I'm driving and I'm having a conversation. I get comfortable at 76 and I'm thinking, okay, 78 actually is pretty good. And I don't see, and I've talked to friends and they're like, Like, there's a lot of bad guys out here. They're too busy chasing them, and they're not looking for someone going 78 miles, or eight miles, rather, over the speed limit. And then, so maybe, and then, and then before it's too long, let's be honest, I'm at 81. Bloop. Oh! What was I doing? What was I thinking? Here's what I was thinking. I'm gonna get to the line, and then I'm gonna get over the line, and I get comfortable, I get a little further over the line. Oh, listen, I didn't wake up that morning. I spent money on airfare, I rented a car, I already spent money I didn't wanna spend

on this hunting trip, and now, all of a sudden, like, I didn't get up that morning and think, hey, you know what I'm gonna do? I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna drive over the speed limit, I'm gonna have a $300 payment, a fine, and then I'm gonna, you know, increase my insurance premium. It sounded like a really good business strategy for the Connors household. I didn't do that. I just got too close to the line, and I kept pushing the limit until they lit me up. And there's consequences, so here's what happens. No one ever wakes up in the morning and says, you know what, I think I'm gonna destroy my marriage, my reputation, the future of my family. I'm not gonna make decisions that's gonna lead me in a direction I never thought I'd be in. No one wakes up and says, I'm gonna live knee-deep in a porn addiction that's destroying every life. No one wakes up and says, I think I'm gonna do that. It was just one click. It was one coffee, it was one DM, it was one conversation that went too long, and now their world is blowing up, and they never intended for it to happen. So how do we avoid this in our marriage? Solomon is gonna tell us how we avoid this in our marriage.

We avoid it by cultivating a healthy sex life within our marriage, by cultivating a healthy sex life within our marriage. Look what he says in verse 15. He says, drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad and streams of water in the street? Some of you are like, what in the world is that all about? All right, so let me explain it to you. So for biological and anatomical reasons, Solomon is describing men and women, and so he describes the female as a well, and then he describes the man, the husband, as a spring of flowing water. And he's using this to describe the marital relationship specifically in the area of sex. And here's what he's saying. What he's saying is, is that blessed is the spring-fed well. Like blessed is the marriage where there's a water that's enjoyed within the relationship. Here's what he's saying. Listen, husbands and wives, you have one source of pure drinking water, and that's your spouse. Men, you have one well. Women, you have one stream. It's your husband. It's your wife. This is where you get water.

So God's created us with a thirst, with an appetite for sexual desire and expression, and that's a good thing. God created it and has given it to us. And here's what he says. I've given you a place called marriage, and within that marriage, you've got one source to quench the thirst that I've created you with, and that is your spouse and your spouse alone. So when you, and listen, and this has to do with romance and intimacy and the physical act of sex. So here's what that means. Your source of romance, intimacy, and sex, your well, your stream, is your spouse. It's not other people. It's not sites on the internet. It's not images you look at. It's not novels you read. It's not movies you watch. It's not other people. It's not movies you watch. It's not other relationships that you remember. It's not images you create in your mind. Your source of water is your spouse and your spouse alone. And watch this, every source of water that you go to outside of your spouse is a poisonous stream or a poisoned well, and it might taste sweet,

but it will end your life eventually. Period. So listen, wives, you gotta understand this. You are your husband's only pure drinking water, and the dude gets thirsty. And he's like, baby, I'm thirsty. And you're like, awesome, your birthday's coming in a month. You laugh, because it's true. I got a headache. The water fountain is cut off. No water for you. Husbands, your wives are created for an emotional connection that then feeds you. And you're like, baby, I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. I'm thirsty. into the sexual desires that have God's created them for emotional intimate I'm thirsty. connection it's emotional then physical and when you aren't providing a source of drinking water for her emotionally and intimately then you're keeping her

from the water that God has created her to drink and here's the thing a marriage is when we don't recognize so I want you to hear me say eyes right here for a second there is never and I mean never an excused ever ever they don't care how bad your marriage is there's never an excuse for you to drink water beyond your marriage to drink from a well that doesn't belong to you there's never an excuse for that but one of the ways that we protect the purity of our marriage is by having a well-watered garden this is one of the ways that we protect the purity of our spouse is by being available how many of you ever try to go on a diet and then you get really hungry and you go to the grocery store and shop for groceries while you're hungry and they ever do that like that you that you like you go in we're like I'm gonna I'm gonna buy a bunch of clean health food it's gonna be awesome we're gonna lose a bunch of weight it's gonna be amazing you come out with double stuffed Oreos and Doritos and then later that night you're like what did I do I'm really living in so much regret why because when you go to a place to buy food and you're hungry a lot of bad choices can be made when we are depriving our spouse of the drinking water that God has created us to thirst for it is listen we are all responsible for making the right decision but listen we are making the battle and the fight much more difficult than it needs to be are you with me and so there needs to be a cultivation of healthy sex life how do we do that I'm glad you asked he said it right here he says it in verse 17 he says let them your your water your your spring and your well let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you in other words don't give your water to anyone else don't drink water from anyone else there's a well and there's a spring for each other verse 18 let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth now it's interesting that he says this he's telling him rejoice in the wife of your youth what do you mean that we're rejoicing the wife of our youth here's what happens in marriage and marriage couples you know this is true the longer you are married the more for granted you take one another the reason there are so many stagnant marriages is because you get married like you're in love and

you're writing notes to one another and it's all sweet and and and you prioritize time and then you have kids and then you're managing that and you got a job and you're managing that and you got a boss that wears you out and you're managing them and then you have house payment and bills and now you're trying to figure out the future and before you know it what's happened is you manage life together and you've forgotten the relationship that be priority and you begin to take one another for granted and so you don't date as much anymore you don't write sweet notes anymore you don't get weekend ways as much as you used to and now you're just managing this and what happens is is that over a series of time you begin to feel neglected by your spouse they feel the same way neither one of you are saying it so now resentment up and now you don't want to give yourself to one another and you don't want to ask for water because you're like I'm tired of getting turned down and so what happens is this now this is a garden that's drying up and it's full of weeds when he says rejoicing the wife your youth he's saying remember and never forget the days when you would send sweet notes or text to one another don't stop flirting like prioritize face-to-face time I'm talking about that next week like like like go on long walks talk about your future together emotionally and intimately connect prioritize the sex life and so it's like this so if you've ever been around someone who knows how to garden you can't go to their house you see their garden and you look at it and you're like man it is so pristine there's no weeds if the fruit is beautiful like it has a different taste than than other gardens that you eat from and you look at that and you're like man how do you do this like I planted a garden and it's full of weeds and then some of the stuff is good some it's not it's just like I don't understand what are you doing here's what you would tell you is that they get a great garden takes a lot of work like every day if you've got a good garden you're weeding it every day you're putting the right amount of water on it you're making sure that it's each each plant is getting what that plant needs and you're trimming away areas of the of

the vine that are corrupting the the fruit or the produce that's being produced from it and you're managing that and all of a sudden because of all of that labor you got this beautiful garden that is enjoyable. Here, this is what marriage is. Marriage is about tending the garden. It's pulling weeds. It's trimming stuff that's affecting the way that you're living in your love life with one another. It's making sure that you're, listen, having a strong, vibrant marriage, and specifically sex life, requires a lot of work. And I'm here to tell you, for 24, almost 25 years of marriage, listen, it is possible to be married a very long time and to be flourishing in every area of your life, and I mean every area of your life. But I can tell you this, it takes an incredible amount of work, and a lot of conversations, and we have to walk in humility, and we gotta pull the weeds, and we gotta trim the plant. We gotta make sure that we're tending this thing, and it's every single day labor. But I'm telling you, the older you get, so guys, remember what it was like when you, man, had the butterflies? Ladies, remember when you would send him the sweet notes? Guys, remember the good old days

when you would take a shower, remember? And you'd put on clean clothes, and actually comb your hair, and brush your teeth, take her out? What he's saying is, don't ever stop doing those things. So my wife and I, one of the reasons that we have a well-tended garden of a marriage. We're not perfect, but man, God has blessed us. It's a lot of hard work. For us in our marriage, a couple of things that we do. We, almost 25 years we've been married, we never go to bed at different times. We go to bed together every night, and we've been doing that for almost 25 years. Why in the world would you do that? What if she's a night owl, or you're a night owl? The two become one. Whatever they are, we are. That make sense? So why do I do that? You know why? Because nothing good for men happen with unaccounted for time at night. Why would I sit in my living room, and watch TV, and be tempted to watch something I shouldn't watch, because my wife's asleep in the next room? Why would I even do it? Do you know how dumb that is? Like, why would you stay up at night,

and scroll social media, and see all the images of other people, and get jealous of somebody else's life, and of somebody else's husband, or somebody else's freedom, and then all of a sudden, you run down a rabbit hole that burns your marriage down, when you could've just went to bed. Like, well, I can't sleep at night. Well, then lay in bed at night, awake with your spouse. Safer that way. Here's the second reason we do this. You know what I discovered? The best conversations Adrian and I have is when our head hits the pillow, and the kids are in bed, and we're a little more vulnerable, and we just talk and open up our hearts with one another. Maybe while watching television. And we just have conversation about the kids, and family, and future, and things that we're wrestling with, things that we're struggling with. That's when she says, hey, you seemed off tonight. Are you okay? No, I'm kind of frustrated. Here's what's going on. And I open up, and she does the same thing. And there's something about that, and it's the intimate connection. Can I just tell you another reason? You know what I've discovered?

You want a healthy sex life, where there's a lot of drinking water? You go to the place where you get most of the water, and you spend a lot of time there together. Like, it's not rocket science. I had talked to families all the time, couples that are like, they're struggling in their sex life, and I said, describe me your life, describe me your sex life. And they're like, well, I mean, she's an early bird. She goes to bed early, and you know, she's tired at the end of the day, and she's managing kids, and coming home from work, and doing dinner, and she's fussing the whole time, because I'm not helping. It's like, what are you doing? Well, I come home, I've been working hard, and been dealing with stuff all day long, and I'm just, my words are used up, and I typically just, on Monday night, I just sit down and watch football until about 10, 30, 11 at night. You know, and then, you know, she's asleep, and I get in and give her a little tap on her shoulder, hoping that it can turn into something, and she tells me no, and then I get my feelings hurt, and we end up arguing, and I'm like, well, moron, she went to bed at nine. Why don't you go to bed at nine, Bubba? Better things are happening in your house than football.

Hello? But when you don't prioritize, Adrian, now, here's another thing we do. We have a day every week that's just our day. Nobody, and it's just a few hours in the day, and that's our time. No one gets that time. You know why? I want a well-tended garden at my house, and my kids, they're in the process right now of flying the coop, and they're leaving home, and guess what it's gonna be? It's gonna be me and her, and I don't wanna wake up at 51 years old, 52 years old, and go, man, where are we, and who are we? Not doing that. We go on weekend getaways every few months. We'll just get away for a night or so, and it doesn't have to be expensive. We get on Priceline. We may go to Tyler for the night, and go to a restaurant, and spend time together, and we get dressed up, and we go out, and we have a conversation over dinner with our phones put away. We do, every now and then, every year, every 18 months, we'll get away for a long vacation, just the two of us. We go to awesome places. Like, can I just tell you this? So, we'll tell our kids, hey,

we're going on a vacation together. Like, where are you going? And we're going to Paradise. Like, where is that? Anywhere you're not, that's where paradise is. Like, can we go? No, you can't go because paradise won't be paradise anymore because you're there. We flirt. Can I just tell you this? Listen, my wife, we try to embarrass our kids or make them blush once a month. Like, listen, great marriages with healthy sex lives do not just happen on its own. You work for it. You schedule it. You send text messages. You poke into his heart and you ask him how he's doing. You talk. Like, this is how it happens. We make it way more difficult. What about us singles that are out there who are also dying? Let me just say this first. Let me just read verse 19 to you. This is important. Married couples, listen to this. This is beautiful. He says, a lovely deer in a graceful doe. Some of y'all are going to love this. This is your Scripture memory verse of the week.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love. It's a great verse of Scripture to have memorized, right? Some of you are like, I just found my new tattoo. My new tattoo is going to be that verse right there. It's going to be awesome. So single people in the room. Single people in the room, how does this, what about you? All right, so you ready for it? You don't have a well and you don't have a spring. You don't have a well and you don't have a spring. You are a well or a spring that's preparing yourself for marriage. You know what that means? You don't give your water away. It means you don't pollute the stream. You don't create patterns in your life that cause there to be comparison in your marriage. You see, here's what I would say. We're living in a culture that's either addicted to porn or we're in the cycle of dating like this, where it's hook up, shack up, break up, and repeat. And so we're just like, we're going to do what we want to do. We live, we're young, we're going to do our deal. We got these desires. Listen, God says, listen, His word, He says, listen, don't set the fire. Don't foster a fire that can't be contained. It'll burn you down. And so what do you do?

You put parameters around your life and you recognize that there's some self-control and discipline in this season of my life. And what am I doing? I'm preparing the well for marriage. I'm preparing the spring for marriage. Therefore, I'm going to preserve the purity. I'm going to preserve the quality of water so that I don't damage tomorrow because of my decisions today. So if you're here and you're not married and you're sleeping together, here's what that means. It means some of you, because of that, you need to break up. Because that person in your life leads you to sexual sin, time and time and time and time again. And listen, you've proven that you cannot handle the relationship. It's time to break up. For some of you that are living together and you're like, we're married in our hearts. No, you're not. That's sin. Here's what you need to do. You need to get married. And let me just say this, if you're living together and you're like, man, I don't know of another way. I'm convicted by this. And I want to get, we want to get married. Let me tell you this. We will help you pay for your marriage license and I will do the wedding in my office

if you repent and turn to Jesus in this area. I don't care how young or how old you are. Listen, cultivate now. And by the way, you know how foolish it is to think that you can begin a rhythm of practices like pornography and living in relationships that are unhealthy and you're asking God to bless your future and bring that person to your life. You want a happy marriage and yet you're living in sin today. So it's like this, if I'm a basketball player and I'm breaking layups at practice, don't think the coach is going to give me the game winning shot when the championship is on the line. In other words, you don't live this life and just turn the switch off because you get married. So what do you do? Here's what you do. This is for everybody in the room, married and unmarried alike. You build barriers and parameters to protect your purity. That's what you do. You build barriers and parameters. Here's what he goes on to say. Solomon will say this to his son. He'll say, listen, hey, the sexual sin, this enticement is a snare to trap you. It's going to trap you. So watch this. You are either building parameters that's going to lead you to freedom

or you're building prisons that are going to lead you to slavery. Every one of us in this room, we're either building parameters that are going to lead us toward freedom or we're building prisons that are going to lead us and hold us captive when it's all said and done. And you do that by the choices you make. So what do you mean parameters? Like in my life, I have no one accounted for time. I have an app on my phone that tells my wife where I am at all times. No one accounted for time. I go to bed when she goes to bed. Why? Because I don't want any unaccounted for time. When I travel, I don't travel alone. If she doesn't go with me, I take a family member or I take one of our staff members. I never room with her. I'm never staying in a hotel by myself. Why? You say, because you're weak. Yeah, I'm weak. And the enemy, listen, he's sneaky, and I'm not smarter than him, and so I'm not gonna put myself in a position. I'm going as far away from the door as possible. I will be a Pharisee with my sexual purity. You know why?

It's not worth it. There are some of you in here, you've gotta start building some parameters and boundaries. You're in dating relationships, and man, your intentions are pure, and for the most part, you're keeping the relationship pure. What boundaries do you have in place so that the enemy doesn't get a foothold in your life? What are the parameters that you've got in place? See, here's the reality. The reality is the enemy is slick, and he wants us to convince us that we can manage it, but we can never manage it. It only manages us. He asked this question of his son. Listen to this question. Hey, can a man carry fire on his chest and not get burned? What's the answer to that? No. Then he says this. Can a man walk on hot coals and not burn his feet? What's the answer? But here's what the enemy does. He convinces us that we are the exception. I can click on this link and manage it. I'm gonna hold fire to my chest and not get burned. I'm gonna walk on the coals and not get burned. I can have that coffee, and it's just gonna be coffee. I can send that direct message.

It's just gonna be that. I can scroll that Facebook page and just kind of see how their life is, knowing I got butterflies in my stomach. But it's gonna be, hey, I've got this thing under control. And then all of a sudden, you get your life burned down simply because you did not have parameters and self-control. And by the way, this is huge here. Here's what he says. He says, son, I want you to know this. The eyes of the Lord, he sees everything. So you might fool your wife, you might fool your husband, you might fool your friends, you might fool your pastor, but the Lord knows every link, every click, every DM, every conversation, every butterfly in the stomach, every image in the mind, he knows. You don't fool him. And here's what the psalmist says. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. And because of that, we walk in self-discipline. And here's a nugget of truth. I want you to hear me say this. Your intentions are great, but your intentions will fail you. Here's what I mean by that. There will be moments where your hormones and your heart will be at war with one another. There will be moments where your beliefs, what you know is true and right, your body is gonna be sending different signals.

You know what I'm talking about? And so what that requires is this. Sometimes you just gotta say, I'm gonna be disciplined. I'm gonna put my face in the Bible. I'm gonna let the wisdom of God's word be the loudest voice in my mind. When I have feelings and emotions that rise up in me, leading me contrary, there comes a moment where you just gotta say, I'm gonna be disciplined and walk in the ways of the Lord. I'm gonna call a friend and tell him what I'm struggling with. I'm gonna make sure my spouse knows the sin tendencies and the temptations that I have. I'm gonna make sure there's people involved. Why? Because my hormones will betray me. My body at times will send messages that conflict my brain and I've gotta make sure that I got people in my life that are fighting for me and with me in this scenario. Does that make sense? This is massive here. And those who don't do it, it's just a matter of time. Just a matter of time. Now, here's how I wanna finish. Chapter seven, I want you to go to chapter seven. I wanna end it with a story. End it with a story. Now, let me give you the context of the story. So Solomon is older in his life.

Now, I want you to remember something about Solomon. If you remember, Solomon is the offspring of David and Bathsheba. David committed adultery, which led to murder, and eventually led to Solomon being born. So Solomon is the byproduct of an adulterous relationship. David's sin with Bathsheba, though God forgave, it led to generational sexual sin. I'm talking like Solomon was a train wreck in this area of his life. One of his sons actually raped his daughter. The kingdom of Israel was divided, and it all gets traced back to a night where David took a stroll on a rooftop that he shouldn't have. So now Solomon knows the sin of his father. He knows his own sin. He's looking at the third generation, and he's going, maybe you're the generation that'll break the cycle. And so he summarizes everything he's been saying up to this point with a story. And I want you to get the image in your mind of the story. Solomon is old. He's got a lot of years of wisdom from pain in his own life. And the story is gonna be he's looking out his window as an old man, and he's watching a young. man walking towards sexual temptation. I want you to listen, this is him pleading,

I think, with his son, don't take this journey. Look what he says here in verse six, chapter seven. He says, for at the window of my house, I have looked out through the lattice, get the mental image, old man standing there looking out the window, and I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths a young man lacking sense. In other words, he's saying, this guy, he doesn't know where he's coming, he's going, when people fall into sexual sin, what's the first thing we ask? Like, what were they thinking? Can I tell you, they weren't thinking. They lacked sense in that moment. He says in verse eight, passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house in the twilight and in the evening at the time of the night and darkness. Now, get the mental image right here. Solomon is looking out and he sees a man, the man is taking a stroll, and he can see the wheels turning in the man's life. The guy's just taking a walk and you can see him, he's wrestling with, do I go, do I not go, do I keep walking, do I go to her house? And it's almost this self-talk where he's battling this temptation and he gets to the corner. There's this moment where he gets to the corner

and he looks to the right and to the right is her house. The forbidden woman, the sexual temptation, the click on the link, the coffee that you should never have and he's standing there and he's looking and he's looking ahead at the path of life and he's like, I should keep going straight, don't even look, just keep walking. And I can kind of picture Solomon yelling from his house going, don't do it, don't do it, just keep walking, keep walking, don't do it. And he sees the man looking, contemplating, and then ultimately, all of a sudden, you see him turn. And this is what happens in the story. And behold, the woman meets him dressed as a prostitute. She's not a prostitute, she just looks like one. Wily of heart, she is loud and wayward. Her feet do not stay at home. Now in the street, now in the market, at every corner, she lies in wait. In other words, temptation is everywhere. She seizes him and kisses him and with bold face, she says to him, I have offered sacrifice and today, I've paid my vows so now, I have come to meet you, to seek you eagerly and I have found, in other words, you're the one I've been waiting for all this time and he's only one among many. I have spread my couch with coverings, colored linens and from Egyptian linen, I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.

In other words, she is saying, I am prepared. I've been preparing all day, this is our time. And then she says, come, let us take our field of love. Morning, let us delight ourselves with love for my husband is not home. He is gone for a long journey. He took a bag of money with him and at full moon, he will come home and with much seductive speech, she persuades him with her smooth talk, she compels him. I want you to watch what's happening here. He takes the stroll, this moment of decision, he turns the corner and there she is and she's pouring it on him and she's enticing and seducing him and now, she's convincing him, no one will ever know. It's just one night, it's just one time, no big deal, this is gonna be innocent. My husband will never find out. No one will ever find out. Your wife will never know. Just click the link, just take the step, just one night together, it's no big deal and she's pouring this on him and I can picture Solomon yelling, going, no, young man, you don't know the danger that's ahead. Your life's about to be taken away from you and all this man can see is her beauty

and this opportunity and the feelings on the inside of this might be a great experience and then it happens, verse 18 or verse 22, and all at once, he follows her. Now, listen to the description. As an ox goes to the slaughter and as a stag is caught fast till the arrow pierces its liver as birds rush into a snare, he does not know that it will cost him his life. This is overwhelming. Just think about what Solomon is saying. He's saying, this man is so caught up in this moment, he's just mesmerized by the temptation, overwhelmed in the moment, thinking this is just one time, one step, one look, one meeting, one encounter and then Solomon changes the imagery. No longer is it a young man anymore. It's an ox that's going into the slaughterhouse. I've been to a slaughterhouse before. It is ugly and all of a sudden, this young man takes a step into his house, not realizing everything's gonna be taken away from him. His family, his future, his wife, his kids will live with wounds the rest of their life like a stag who thinks they're just eating a little corn He didn't know it's a trap waiting for the arrow to pierce the liver for a slow, painful death.

Like a bird that says, I just want a little bit of the seed, not realizing there's a snare. And all of a sudden, it says, he's caught. But can I tell you the honest truth? It's not all of a sudden. It's not all of a sudden. It started with a journey, just a walk, contemplating. I'm gonna go to the corner. I'm not gonna go to the house. I'm just gonna go near to the door, and I'm just gonna stop and stand. And I'm gonna look, and I'm gonna stare. I'm gonna give it some thought some more. My intention is to go forward and not go here, but he's there. And all of a sudden, I'll just take a step closer to the door. It's not all of a sudden for any of us. Listen, no one gets to that place in their life where like, and all of a sudden, I found myself in divorce court, and my kids won't talk to me, and there's somebody else. My kids are calling daddy, and my life has been burned down. It's not all of a sudden. It's one decision after another. It's one bad relationship. You got your future ahead of you.

Then you get in a relationship as a single person with someone you know this is not good for you, and the next thing you know, for the next 20 and 30 years, you're trapped in a place you never thought you'd be. It's never all of a sudden. It's a compromise. It's a glance. It's a look. It's a DM. It's a coffee. It's a click. Then it's over, and there's no going back. So here's what that means for you. Listen, some of you, it's time to throw away the smartphone. Jesus says if your hand offends, you cut it off. If your eye offends, you pluck it out. What is he saying? Take extreme measures to fight for purity. You're like, how can I live without a smartphone? We did it for hundreds of years. You can make it, Bubba. You know why? Because your family's worth it, and your future's worth it. For some of you, you've got an unhealthy relationship to your workplace. You know what you need to do?

You need to resign. You're like, wait a second, that's my job. Listen, you can get another job. You can't get another family. Some of you in relationships, it's leading you into sexual sin, and it's like you have all of these intentions that we're not, we're not, we're not, and you do, and you do, and you do. It's time to cut that relationship off. There are some of you that are living together, and you're asking God to bless your sin. You're like, I want God's blessing on our relationship while we're actively doing things that Jesus died to free us from. It's time to either break up or get married, and we can help you with that. For some of you, it's time to get honest with your spouse about some sin that you've been managing that's burning your life down, and it's causing all kinds of issues in your marriage, and I know that's difficult, and listen, there's some of you, you need to prepare yourself to confess. Some of you need to prepare yourself for hearing something from your spouse that will hurt you deeply, and recognize that your response to their confession is going to either breed a culture in your family where sin can be confessed,

or sin is gonna have to be concealed, and I'm not telling you not to hurt, I'm not telling you not to cry, I'm not telling you not to be angry. I'm just telling you, you've gotta let the Holy Spirit lead you toward forgiveness and get help, and if there's confession of sin, of adultery, or affairs, or some sort of addiction in your life, listen, don't do it alone. Don't let the church come alongside of you. Let us walk with you toward healing. Let the body of Christ be the support that you need for walking through something as hard as that, and listen, I'm telling you, your marriage on the other side of it, while this will be hard, will be free maybe for the first time. Listen, this is serious stuff. Now, for those of you who may have walked in the shame and the guilt, let me just tell one story to give you a gospel perspective. There was a woman in John chapter eight, and I want you to listen to this. John chapter eight, there was a woman. She was caught in an adulterous affair, and there were these religious leaders with stones in their hands, and they were wanting to put her to death, and they were just waiting for the moment,

and Jesus steps in. He comes between the stones and the woman. He says, what are you doing? And then Jesus gets down, and he writes something. We don't know what he wrote. That's really not the point, but he gets up, and he says to the men with the stones, those without sin throw the first stone, and it says that one by one, starting with the old guys, they started dropping the rocks and walking away, and this woman, maybe barest tears, she's on her face in the dirt. She looks up, and the only man standing is Jesus, and Jesus says to her, hey, where are your accusers? They're not here. She just sees a pile of rocks on the ground, and he says, neither do I condemn you. Can I tell you what happens in this moment? Jesus says to her in this moment, everyone that wants to condemn you can't, and the end. The only one that could condemn you, won't. Because ultimately, Jesus would go to the cross and he would give his life for her sin. Watch this, the only one that could have thrown a stone was Jesus, but instead of throwing a stone, Jesus received the stone so that we might be set free. And he looks at her and says, go and sin no more. He tells her, walk in repentance.

So here's what I would say to you, his grace is sufficient, go and sin no more. God, I love you and I ask now in the name of Jesus that you would set people free from this message. That you would use this to be a warning to those who are about to cross lines they can never uncross. To get honest and open about sin. They've been hiding in shame and guilt for decades. God, let this be a day of freedom. I ask this, Lord, by your spirit, in Jesus' name, amen.