The Danger of a Disordered Marriage

♪ Oh he's always been holding ♪ ♪ Yes he's always been holding ♪ ♪ We wanna meet with you ♪ ♪ Maybe we've made this complicated ♪ ♪ More than it was ever meant to be ♪ ♪ How's it always been about the same thing ♪ ♪ Lord bring his back to simple things ♪ ♪ Can you be the center of you ♪ ♪ My heart belongs to you ♪ ♪ And my Savior all alone ♪ ♪ You're the one I hold onto ♪ ♪ For the beauty of your day ♪ ♪ My soul will live to save ♪ ♪ Jesus I love you ♪ ♪ Jesus to discern the moon ♪ ♪ When you serve and when you sit here at your feet ♪ ♪ Give us a way to what's important ♪ ♪ Just like Mary chose a better thing ♪ ♪ Oh for you are the center of you ♪ ♪ My heart belongs to you ♪ ♪ And my Savior all alone ♪ ♪ You're the one I hold onto ♪ ♪ For the beauty of your day ♪ ♪ My soul will live to save ♪ ♪ Jesus I love you ♪ ♪ Oh for you are the center of you ♪ ♪ And my heart belongs to you ♪ ♪ My Savior all alone ♪ ♪ You're the one I hold onto ♪ ♪ For the beauty of your day ♪

♪ My soul will live to save ♪ ♪ Jesus I love you ♪ ♪ Oh, how I love you ♪ ♪ Oh, how I love you ♪ ♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ ♪ Oh, how I love you ♪ ♪ Oh, how I love you ♪ ♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ ♪ My whole life, for your glory ♪ ♪ My whole world, for your only everything ♪ ♪ For the other of your name ♪ ♪ And if my days tell a story that it be ♪ ♪ Of your only everything ♪ ♪ For the other of your name ♪ ♪ And if my whole life, for your glory ♪ ♪ My whole world, for your only everything ♪ ♪ For the other of your name ♪ ♪ And if my days tell a story that it be ♪ ♪ Of your only everything ♪ ♪ For the other of your name ♪ ♪ In my whole life, for your glory ♪ ♪ In my whole world, for your only everything ♪ ♪ For the other of your name ♪ ♪ And if my days tell a story that it be ♪ ♪ Of your only everything ♪ ♪ For the other of your name ♪ ♪ For the other of you ♪ ♪ Oh, how I love you ♪ ♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ ♪ Oh, how I love you ♪

♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ ♪ Oh, love you ♪ ♪ We give everything, everything you love ♪ ♪ As long as you praise you ♪ ♪ I'll glory to you, God, yeah ♪ ♪ Our whole heart is so belong to you ♪ ♪ Everything belongs to you ♪ ♪ Sing this church, come on ♪ ♪ And I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned ♪ ♪ In awe of the one who gave it all ♪ ♪ And I'll stand my soul, Lord, to you, surrender at all ♪ ♪ I am His yours ♪ ♪ Every voice in the room, yeah ♪ ♪ And I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned ♪ ♪ In awe of the one who gave it all ♪ ♪ And I'll stand my soul, Lord, to you, surrender ♪ ♪ We surrender at all ♪ ♪ And I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned ♪ ♪ Of the one who gave it all ♪ ♪ And I'll stand my soul, Lord, to you, surrender at all ♪ ♪ I am His yours, yeah ♪ ♪ So I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned ♪ ♪ In awe of the one who gave it all ♪ ♪ My soul, Lord, to you, surrender at all ♪ ♪ My head of His yours ♪ ♪ In my whole life, will your glory my whole world ♪ ♪ In everything for the honor of your day ♪ ♪ In this my day, tell the storm that let me be ♪ ♪ How you hold me in everything ♪ ♪ For the honor of your day ♪

♪ In my whole life, for your glory my whole world ♪ ♪ In everything for the honor of your day ♪ ♪ In my day, tell the storm that let me be ♪ ♪ Love you only everything for the honor of your day ♪ ♪ Love you only everything for you ♪ ♪ On the center of it all ♪ ♪ My heart belongs to you ♪ ♪ When I say for all I know ♪ ♪ You're the one I hold on to ♪ ♪ From the beauty of your name ♪ ♪ My soul will live to say ♪ ♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ ♪ My soul will live to say ♪ ♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ ♪ My soul will live to say ♪ ♪ Jesus, I love you ♪ - Let's grab our bibles first Corinthians chapter seven is where we're gonna be today. We're in a 11 week series talking about the 11 dangers of every, for every Christian right out of the book of first Corinthians. And I do wanna give another warning to parents. Two weeks ago we talked about sex. Today we're talking about sex again, 'cause the passage speaks about it. We'll talk about anything the Bible speaks about, but we always try to give parents a heads up as we head into the sermon that if you do not wanna have the talk, like the talk with your kids

and the kids ministry you can come back in. Here's what I tell you, if they are middle school or above, do not move an inch. In fact, even upper elementary, I would encourage you to strongly consider leaving them in here because here's what you may or may not realize everybody else in their life is speaking to them about sex. Social media is speaking to them about it, TV, YouTube, all their friends at school. And so by all means they need to hear the church speak about sexuality. And so that's what we're gonna do today is speak about that. You may remember two weeks ago, we talked to you about they, really how sexuality was distorted, and really kind of how ancient Corinth was like the Vegas of the ancient world. And so you got people from two seas, and Corinth is in the middle. So two ports and people have been on long journeys and they're looking for love in all the wrong places. Even if you go to ancient Corinth today, you'll see there's like a mountain peak behind the city. Where it was known to have basically a temple to a false goddess. And it was just all about pagan worship of sexuality, temple prostitutes, all kinds of weird, jacked up things. And so I just say it to you like these people, they're not prude, okay? And so I don't know if you've ever known anybody

who's like been through some stuff, you ever know anybody like that? Or maybe you'd be like, I'm not in that person. I've been through some stuff. And you don't ever have to sugarcoat things, you can just say it directly. I think this is who Paul's speaking to. These people, many of them have been raised in this city. They have lived in this over-sexualized city. Many of them for their entire lives. Many of them have been saved out of sexual sin. And so Paul is going to be very direct with them because that's exactly where they're at. And so just to be honest with you, I'm gonna be very direct with you again today, very blunt in some ways. And I'll just go ahead and get this out of the way. At certain points, it's gonna be awkward. Okay, it's gonna be awkward for me, it's gonna be awkward for you. I think more so for me, 'cause I'm the one who's having to say this stuff out loud, but I wanna speak very clearly today. And some of this stuff, if you've been a Christian, you've been discipled for over a period of decades, I'm gonna say some things that you're like, well, duh. And what I would encourage you to think about is the people sitting next to you may not have grown up in a Christian home, they may not have been discipled like you've been discipled.

So like the basics and the elementary statements of sexuality, they don't know them. And so have a grace for others as we walk through this great passage of scripture together. The title of our message today is The Danger of a Disordered Marriage. The Danger of a Disordered Marriage. Whereas two weeks ago, it was all about sexual immorality. Today really describes what healthy sexuality is to look like in any marriage that you may find yourself in, okay? If you are single in the room, you hear that it's about marriage, you may think, oh, golly, this is not for me, why did I come to this? You may be a middle schooler, do you know how high school? Maybe a single adult of any age. And you think, okay, well, this is not for me. And I would just pause right there and just say, could not be further from the truth. When I speak about marriage today, I will also address you as single people how this works together. And then our passage actually speaks in the last few verses about what it means to be single, what that looks like. So literally applies to every single person in the room today, regardless of age or marital status, all right? So let's begin where the Bible begins. I'm gonna begin by talking about a disordered belief on sex. All right?

When I say the word disordered, I just mean it's like muddy, it's cloudy, and it's not right, okay? Am I gonna get a disordered view on sexuality? Here's what was going on in the city of Corinth. He says, now concerning the matters, this is key about which you wrote. So Paul is saying somebody in the church wrote to me, and here was the statement that they made in the letter. It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. Paul's there, you may already be confused, and you may say, so is the Bible saying that it's not good for a man and a woman to have sex? Not what the Bible's saying. As I mentioned, Paul is addressing this because somebody, we're not even told who, we're not told if it was one person, was it a group of people, was it the church at large, who had written to Paul and said, hey, we believe it is not good that a man should have sex with a woman. You may hear that and say, well, why in the world would anybody ever believe that? And can I be real honest with you, like biblically? We're not told why this person or why this group of people had written to Paul with this theory. It's not clearly stated, but I think if you boil down what we do know about this church,

what we do know about this people, what we do know about this city, I think you can maybe come up with something of at least one theory that I have of why they would write a letter like this to Paul. Many of them have been saved out of sexual sin. And even some of them right now are maybe in that process. They're convicted as they hear the gospel about their own sexual sin or other sin in general. And so now they're in the process, and maybe some of them are coming to faith right now. Some of them are considering coming to faith in Christ. And evidently for some of them, like this was just a hard shift to make from don't do this to do this. Now, as I get started hearing this message, here's what I would tell you. There are some of you who hear that we're about to talk about sexual sin or sexuality in general. And you're like, bro, I came to church on the wrong day. 'Cause this is my thing. If I've been in sexual sin, it's in my past, or I'm in it right now, and so you may feel shame right here at the beginning. What I would tell you is this, is that there's a God in heaven who loves you, and who died on the cross for you to cover any sin, including sexual sin. So today your life can change,

not because you've done something about marriage, or because you've done something about sexuality, but because you have submitted your life to the Savior of the world. And today that can happen even in your own life. My theory is, is that some of these people are getting saved out of sexual sin, and they, all they know is what they used to do was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, and now they're in a marriage where it's supposed to be good, good, good, good, and they're struggling to make sense of this shift. Like think about it this way, how many of you show up hands, how many of you were raised in church? All over the room, raise it, okay? Maybe 60% of you were raised in church. You probably were raised in some sense of a church that's had this message related to sex. Don't do it. Bad, bad, bad, bad, no, no, no, no. It is horrible. Do not do that, all right? I heard one pastor joke about it this way, that the church often teaches about sex in this way. The sex is bad, dirty, and evil, save for the one you love. Not a good word. It's bad, it's dirty, and it's evil. You give it to the person you love, okay?

And you think, that's just crazy, is it not? Yes, but some of you maybe even struggled. If you grew up in church and you heard no, no, no, no, no, no, and then just like within a 20 minute ceremony, you were supposed to shift everything in your mind and in your body to say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And you're like, I'm kind of like being, you know, pulled around in this direction right here. Well, let me be clear with you. The Bible is not saying that it is wrong for you to have sex. Paul is correcting a disordered belief that sex, even within marriage is wrong. Now, verse one is a disordered view. Verse two is what I'll call an ordered belief on sex. When I say order, I just mean like, this is God's command related to sex. This is God's order as it relates to your sexual life. This is how sex plays out. Look at verse two, he says, but because of what, the temptation underline that word to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, underline that, and each woman, her own husband, underline the word husband right there, okay? The Bible is very clear. All of us, all of us, if you can hear me today, you too. All of us will face sexual temptation. I told my kids before, you are not the exception to this rule. If you're here today and you're like, I think I would never do that. I would never cheat on my wife.

I would never cheat on my husband. I would never look at porn. I would never do this. I would never, like that's just, I would never do that. I want to give you a caution in a warning. You're closer than anybody else in the room to sin. You know who doesn't fall into sexual sin? It's the people who say, man, I don't know what I'd do if I was ever put in the wrong situation with the wrong person at the wrong time. And so I'm not even gonna get close to that situation 'cause I don't know what I would do if put in the wrong position. I wholeheartedly believe that's my life right here. So how do I operate as your pastor, like related to other women? I just try to just avoid and just step back. And I don't ever want to put myself in a position where if it was just the wrong day, am I speaking to anybody besides me, you lie. If it's the wrong day, the wrong time, the wrong thing going on, wrong person, just don't know. That's how you get protected from sexual sin is you recognize all of us will face temptation. The Bible says because of that temptation, let each person, let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband. So think about it this way. Meridal sexuality is a guard against sexual immorality. Meridal sexuality is a guard against sexual immorality.

How many of you have known married people who had an affair? It's not fail-proof, even if there's a good sexual relationship going on. Often tell young guys this, I say, marriage won't solve your less problem. And so like, I just say to all the single people in the room today of whatever age, marriage won't solve your less problem. You're even like, well man, I get married, I can have sex whenever I want. Okay. (audience laughs) Okay. You got some learning to do. Okay. And so it doesn't matter, even if you have an ongoing, healthy sexual relationship with your spouse, if you're not dealing with lust all the time, you can still fall. So let me give you like the clear sexual parameters for the Bible. Okay, this is not Nick. This is what the Bible says about sexuality. Sex is only to be expressed between a man and a woman within the confines of marriage. Man, woman, within the confines of marriage, okay? The Bible here does not say, because of the temptation to sexual immorality, let every man have a girlfriend.

Every woman have a boyfriend. Or every man have a fiancee or woman have a fiancee. This is speaking about sex within marriage. I often use this illustration, I think Jeff Crawford used it a few weeks ago. About a fireplace as it relates to sexuality. So let's imagine we got a big fireplace here. Anybody else love a good fireplace in the winter? And please, Lord, let it turn cool soon. It's so hot still. But imagine we got a giant fireplace right here. Anybody love a wood-burning fireplace? Man, love it with a passion, okay? I love putting new wood on it, stoking the fire, watching it spark, letting the ashes blow on your rug and stuff and ruin it, it's just great, right? And so all that's great. Brings warmth to the house, everybody enjoys it. Until the log rolls out on the rug. And when the log rolls out of the fireplace onto the rug, what happens? It burns the rug at best. At worst, here's what happens. It burns the whole house down. That's what sex within marriage is like, okay? If it is within the confines of marriage, it's great, it's awesome. I feel like, let this church give our single adult population and young singles

of all ages, let them hear this message from our church. Sex is awesome. It's awesome when it's in the fireplace. And when it rolls out of the fireplace in any way, pornography, affair, messing around with your boyfriend and girlfriend, sleep with your fiance, hooking up through the apps, same sex activity, and I could go on and on and on and on and on of all the distortions of sexuality. Whenever the log rolls out of the fire of a man woman within a committed covenant relationship of marriage, whenever the log rolls out, it always leaves a scar. You say, I don't know that it does. It's not that big of a deal. It always leaves a scar. And all of us in the room who have sexual regrets, you say, yeah, yes, yes. And so, it's not just that God is saying, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. God is saying, yes, absolutely, yes, wholeheartedly. Just keep it where you don't get burned. And that is the message of the Bible related to sexuality, okay? The Bible begins with disorder, verse one, moves to order, verse two. And then, for the next three verses, really explains like, what does this look like within marriage, okay?

Look at verse three. Says this, the husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise, the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Underline this phrase, do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then what is it says? But then come together again, you say, what does that mean, what I think it's saying it means? That's exactly what it means. Come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control, okay? I'm gonna give you three principles about sex within marriage, okay? That we learn in this passage and beyond, and encourage you to write this down if you've been married for a long time, or you're single or anywhere in between. Here's principle number one, sex within marriage is this, it is giving, not taking. It is giving, not taking. There's two aspects here in this verse. Okay, conjugal rights are just referencing like marital sexual rights, okay? Authority over your body, I think really is another allusion to like the oneness of marriage. Like think about it, if you're one together in every part of your marriage, but you're not one together in body, like you're not sleeping together,

not having sex together as a married couple, it's just kind of weird, okay? They're just kind of off. So, think about it this way, it's not my money, it's our money. It's not my house, it's our house. It's not my kids, it's our kids. It's not my body, but I give it to you, it is giving, not taking. Now, I'm about to read my notes to make sure I say exactly what it is I want to say, okay? Because of the sensitive nature of this, and there's going to be some desperate husband tonight that is going to try to quote me. Well, Pastor Nick said, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I do not want to be in that space, okay? You know when you can quote me? Next time I talk about tithing, that one would get talked about as much, right? Listen to me, I could give a million caveats and I would never cover all the ways that sinful men and sinful women have twisted this passage of the Bible for their own benefit. So if you're listening to me and you've been wounded by somebody else who has used the Bible as a baseball bat to get you to do whatever they wanted you to do, that is not the point of this passage and that is not the point of this sermon. Everybody with me? Like you hear my heart here? This is why I worded this very strategically. Sex within marriage is giving, not taking. So let me speak to the takers today. If you are a taker, then you're not being godly. If you live as a taker instead of a giver, you're not being godly. If you twist this and use this to take instead of to give, you're not being godly. And I would just say you're missing the point of what the Bible is trying to say here, okay? Can I give some real talk to the single people in the room? All right? Real talk, super blunt, little uncomfortable, little awkward, okay?

I'm going to give you two words. Number one, don't get married if you don't want to have an ongoing sexual relationship with someone else. Like if you hear that and you're like, "I don't want to be a part of that." I would just say don't get married. Honestly, just don't get married. It'll be a lot of conflict. Secondly, I would say it to you this way, don't get married to the person that you're dating if that person isn't showing clear selflessness and a person who is putting you first right now. So in other words, if they are selfish when they're dating, guess what they're going to be when you get married? Or if they take right now instead of give in all different kinds of ways, then they're going to be the same when they get married. You know what, a ring changes? Nothing. Nothing about character. I've changed a lot about other things, but nothing about their character, okay? And so I want you to think about this way, okay? You've heard me say this before. Men get married and think, "Well, man, she'll never change. She ain't ever going to change." Then we get married and think, "Golly, surely at some point this guy's going to change." That's the difference here, okay? And so there are some of you who, man, do you really do need to break up, like with your boyfriend or girlfriend? They're not a godly person, they're selfish in every way, they're taking not giving. And I just, I want to save you from being on the end of the conversations that I have to have as a pastor with people who just thought that he would change, or thought that she would eventually change.

And they've not changed and they're in a miserable marriage 20 years later. And so, like, may the Holy Spirit lead you to break up, honestly. Ask yourself this if you're single. Am I willing to give myself to this person? Sex is about the most intimate thing you can do. And it only works when there's deep trust, deep care, deep selflessness. Think about it, to tell someone that you have authority over my body. I mean, that is a ton of trust, is it not? And so, let's do a little exercise here, all the husbands, look at your wife right now. Take her by the hand. All right, let's come on now, it's like marriage conference right here. Take her by the hand. And I'm going to have you repeat out loud some things, okay? So, just say this, honey, look her in the eyes, honey, you have full authority over this body. I'm just kidding. No, no, no. No one is like, no, I reject it. I don't want it. Don't. Don't want it. Don't need it. What you are giving to me, I am not taking. It is giving, not taking, here's the second principle. It is a gift, not a weapon, that's so stupid. I've used that joke for so many years. Whenever I teach 1 Corinthians 7, all right. It is a gift, not a weapon. It is a gift, not a weapon. Remember what the word here is from the Bible?

Do not deprive one another. By the way, this is how disordered marriages play out. Sex becomes a weapon, not a gift. Manipulation comes into play on either side. And people say, well, if you don't do this for me, then I won't do that for you. And listen closely, I'm going to give you some more caveats here of what I'm going to give you a statement to write down here in a second. But let me give you a caveat. Age situations, health situations, healing situations, conflict situations, and there can be many more beyond those four. Can all affect what I'm about to say. And can all make what I'm about to say, not possible for that moment, OK? But here's the big overarching, two healthy people, healthy marriage, trying to follow the Lord. This is what should take place, OK? There should be regular sexual activity in every Christian marriage. Regular sexual activity in every Christian marriage. Say, well, preacher, you know what question's coming? What does regular mean? And frankly, I don't desire to get in that with you either, OK? I know we're laughing about it, but in all reality, there are a lot of couples in here who are in constant tension, constant arguments because of that statement right there. One person's definition of regular

is very different from another person's definition of regular. And so what do you do? I think you've got to have open dialogue with one another, open conversation. I'll talk a little about that as we as we wrap up today. Some of you are not experiencing this for different reasons. Again, it could be post-pregnancy. It could be other health issues. It could be relational problems. And so let this statement be a goal of, OK, we want that to be the goal of our marriage, whatever that looks like for us. And you two have to decide that I cannot decide that for you. No marriage expert can decide that for you. It's you and your spouse have to decide that, OK? You may need the help of a counselor or one trusted friend, not a group of girlfriends over dinner. Again, just basic statements here. Not complaining to your boys at the gym, but like two people talking with one another and maybe another trusted person counselor, pastors or something like that. So the Bible actually gives a caveat here. We don't deprive one another. And the Bible says this, unless you both agree for a limited time to devote yourselves to prayer. What the Bible is saying here is like if you both decide to fast together and during that, that however many days window is, we're going to fast.

We're not going to sleep together. We're not going to have sex together. He says, OK, that's a caveat. You can do that. All the men are like, all right, pastor. I don't think I've ever felt called that kind of fast. Nor do I want to be a part of that kind of church, OK? Again, that's you two to determine that. But do you know what the Bible says? Come together again quickly so that you may not be tempted because you're like of self-control. I ran all this by Meredith. I ran part of the message by her this week of what I prepared and skated a woman's perspective and talked back and forth about it. And we have a statement for you, OK? This is from Nick and Meredith for you, all right? Christian couples should make this a priority because God created marriage and God created sex, OK? This is more than just pre-operaation. This is a closeness, oneness type of thing. And so every couple should prioritize it. What that means for you, you and your spouse have to determine that. That is not for me to determine, OK? Now, before I move on to singleness and wrap up here, let me give you one more principle. Here's the third one. Sex within marriage is often a revealer. It is often a revealer.

You say, well, what does it reveal? Well, I think it reveals several things. It is a revealer of where the marriage is at. It's a revealer of health or a measure of health within a marriage. And what it is often is often a revealer of issues in the marriage. Let me give you two categories of people that are in this room today. Some of you have sexual issues in your marriage that are rooted in sexual issues. And that could be a lot of different things, a lot of different reasons for that. Sexual issues that are centered on sexual issues. The second one is what I encounter much more like in pastoral counseling is that and it's really because of relational issues. So, you're like, some of you are stewing thinking, we got a big sex problem in our marriage, we're not doing it at all, we hardly ever do it. And what I would say is, I mean maybe it is a sexual issue that's rooted in a sexual issue, but what I often see is it is a sexual issue that's rooted in pull back the curtain and look at all the issues in the marriage. That's why you're not having sex. So, in other words, can I still be blunt? Is that okay, permission? She doesn't want to have sex with you because she doesn't trust you.

Or he doesn't want to have sex with you because he thinks you're mean. Or fill in the blank with your scenario, your story. Marriage is often, sexuality is often a revealer of what's really going on in the marriage, okay? Now, look at verse six, we'll close with this. As a concession, not a command, I say this, I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own, what's he got? His own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. Here's what Paul's saying, I as a single man, I wish that everybody were like me. I wish that everybody was free of marriage. He says, but everybody's got a different gift. Some of you have the gift of marriage, and in some of you have what he calls the gift of singleness. If you go later into chapter seven, he'll describe this gift of singleness. And he basically says this, when you don't have a husband or a wife to take care of and to think about, you can be solely focused on serving the Lord. So if you're single and you're like, did I am happily single? I'm serving the Lord, praise God for that. Pastor Jonathan B. Clutus says it this way, singleness is a gift to use for God's purposes. It's a gift to use for the purpose of God. So all my single people out there, all the single ladies, all the single men,

single teenagers, are you using this season of your life to serve the purposes of God? He goes on verse eight, he says to the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am, he's just reiterating it. Like again, I think you're good to stay. Verse nine is where he closes, but if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I think the Bible implies here. If you wanna get married, if you want to have sex, if that's a desire that you have, then it is better for you to get married than to burn with sexual temptation and sexual desire. If those things are true in your life, I wanna get married, I wanna have sex. That may, he word is may, that may be an indication that you don't have the gift of singleness. Can't say that without a shadow of a doubt, but if you have those desires, it may be that God's gonna give you the gift of marriage at some point. I don't know that, but maybe. On the flip side of that, if you're like, yeah, I don't care about having sex, I don't care about even being married. It could be that God has given you the gift of singleness and you need to serve him with that. Now, again, I told you I was gonna be direct

and this is, we're gonna close with awkward, okay? But again, I think people need like the basics here and so I'm willing to be uncomfortable on my end for clarity on your end, okay? Right down these two statements, number one is this, it's not wrong to wanna get married and to wanna have sex. It's not wrong to want to get married and to want to have sex. Now, the culture today, like if you are middle school to young adulthood, here's what I'd tell you. The culture that you are in today will tell you to do everything in your power to avoid marriage and just delay it, delay it, delay it. Wait till you've got your career steady. Wait till you've got enough money in your bank account. Okay, wait till you've traveled. You're travel alone? And so I just like stand directly against that 'cause I think it's an unbiblical culture. If you wanna get married, that's great. Be happy and like don't be ashamed that, yeah, I wanna get married, I wanna have kids. Like you would turn heads in your company. You would turn heads at your high school. If someone said, well, what do you wanna do today? Well, man, I really wanna find a husband or wife and I wanna have children together and go to life together. And you know, and then I'd like this in my career, like people have their jaw to the floor. What are you talking about?

It's not wrong to wanna get married and it's not wrong to wanna have sex. Again, I think just for clarity and even though it's uncomfortable for me to say that. If you wanna have sex, it's not a bad desire to have sex. You gotta keep it in, in the fireplace, but it's not a bad thing, okay? These are God-given desires. It is wrong to marry the wrong person just to be married and just to have sex. Somebody like well duh, yeah, duh. But I'm helping some people today that need duh. It's wrong for you to neglect all the character flaws that you see in your dating partner right now, just because you're desperate to get married. And you think to yourself, well, I'm already fill in the blank, I'm already this many years old. That's when it turns wrong. It is wrong to marry the wrong person just because you wanna be married and start a family and do all that. I'd also say it's wrong, and I think I need to say this because we're a Christian thing, like a Christian circle today, and because Christians grow up knowing, okay, I've gotta, if I wanna have sex, it's gotta be in the fireplace of marriage. So I'm just gonna marry somebody so I can have sex 'cause I'm just, I really want to do that right now. And again, all the while you bypass character flaws

that you see or you rush things all because you just, man, I just, I wanna do it. And I would just caution towards both. Don't get married, just to get married, don't get married, just to have sex. Wait on God's timing, wait on God's person. Do you believe that God is faithful enough to provide you a spouse? That's really what it comes to. Will I trust the Lord to meet this need in my life or will I take it into my own hands? Is that when they, how do you close the message on sex? Yeah, that's a great question and I'm not really sure, all right? But I wrestled with this and here's how we're gonna do it. Not gonna do a normal comfort invitation. What I will say is our staff will be here all across the front like they always are. They're gonna be here after the service. So while everybody is heading out, you can head back this way. And if you just need to talk to somebody about some issues, it could be related to the message or not. While everybody's walking out, you walk forward and our staff will be here to pray for you, anything like that, okay? One of the things that they can do today is they can lead you to faith in Christ. So if you're here today, maybe you already knew if you're need for the Lord. Maybe God's already been convicting you

about your need for Christ. And then today you've come and it's like, man, the nail is right on the head right here. Maybe you've got a sexual past or maybe your issue with something other than sexual sin. But you have this question. Could God ever forgive somebody like me? Could God ever love someone like me? And here's what I would tell you. Not only is the answer, yes, but here's what I'd tell you. I don't really know what it is that you have done in your life. All I know is what he did for you. And what he did for you was die on the cross for every sin that you would ever commit. And you know what I love about the cross? We're talking a lot about caveats today. No caveat on the cross. The Bible didn't say, well, you know, Jesus came to save people. Unless your issue was sexual sin, then you got to do something extra. But the Bible says, if you will just surrender your life to Jesus, he'll save you. Wipe away every sin you've ever committed. Some of you need to do that at the end of the service again. Everybody dismisses, you just come forward. We'd love to pray with you. Lead you to faith in Christ. Others of you are single.

And I want to ask you, are you using this season to serve the kingdom of God? Are you serving God with your singleness? Or are you wasting it? Are you at a place where you like Nick? I want so bad the next season of my life. And I can't even enjoy the one I'm in. Man, today I would just encourage you to surrender to the Lord in that. Like honestly, just surrender to the Lord. Maybe you're single and you're in sexual sin right now. Today's the day to repent of that and come back to where you need to be with the Lord. Maybe you're married and you're in sexual sin. You also need to repent and turn back to the Lord. You're back to where you need to be with him. Some of you, if we're honest, we've laughed a lot and giggled a lot, but underneath that is a lot of pain and a lot of hard conversations, awkward conversations. And some of you have had those and here I am, I'm encouraging to have some more conversations together and you're just waiting for a fight. You're like, I don't know how this is gonna go. And could it be like this today that if both of you are followers of Jesus and you've sat under the word of God today, could it be that you both enter into a conversation? Not based on past conversations, but just based on what does the word of God say? Where do we wanna be together?

Others of you here at a bad place, you know it, whether it's spoken or unspoken. And I'm going to point you to ask for help. Maybe it's a Christian friend, maybe it's one of our pastors or staff. Maybe for you you need to sit down with a Christian counselor and some of you say make we done counseling. It didn't work for us. We had a bad experience. Okay, so I've been to a restaurant before and I had a bad experience. And I didn't stop eating. I just went to a different restaurant. So for some of you who've had a bad experience with Christian counseling, I would just encourage you. It could be the thing that saves your marriage and you owe that to one another. You really do. I'm going to put a website on the screen right now, crosschurchcounseling.com. We've had a counseling ministry in our church for several years, but it's been limited in scope where I could not announce it in an environment like this because they would be overwhelmed with just not enough people to care for as many people as we have. And so I'm thankful to say that our counseling ministry has grown and continues to grow. And they've given me the green light to put this website up here for you that's just launched where if you need help personally or as a couple, you can go to this website, it'll talk to you about information about how to schedule an appointment. And we have people that are associated with our ministry and our church who will help you move forward in a very confidential manner. So for some of you, you need to jump into the deep end of that. And all that comes with it, there is healing at the end. Do you know that the book of Hosea, Old Testament, Little Minor Prophet says this, "God wounds us in order that He may heal us." Sometimes issues are like that, like we talked about today. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, but there is healing when you really do it

God's way. And so that's what I just want to push you towards today, all right? So I want us to bow our head and close our eyes. We're going to close like a marriage conference today. So if you're sitting next to your wife, husbands, put your arm around your grabber hand, if you're single and you're sitting next to somebody that you'd like to take out, maybe take their hand. I'm just kidding. Don't do that. Don't do that. That a weird amount, okay? Wait till I say amen, then ask her out in the lobby, okay? Be a man, all right. I'm going to pray for all of you and I'll pray for all of our couples today. Lord, thank you for your word, how clear it is to us, and Father, it is our desire for every single next-gen member of our church, for every single adult of any age, or that you would meet them in this season. I pray that you give them clarity, and what I pray that they would submit and surrender to you, that they would use this season of their life to be used up and used strongly for the kingdom of God, your purposes. Lord, I pray for every couple, a lot of stuff that is going to be unearthed today. I pray for the right people to meet them, where they need it, the right friends, the right pastors, right counselors who can step into some hard places. Lord, I pray that every person right now, even as we pray, could get a vision of what their marriage could be if they did it your way. So Lord, would you give that to them? Jesus that we pray, amen. All right, Chris, once you come up, give us some closing words, I will walk to the back now. I'll be in the lobby.

I'd love to pray for you.