That Grudge You're Holding is Holding You | Mornings with Mico

Yo, yo, yo. So my peoples, man, how we doing today? My name is Meeko. Um, and this is my one-on-one time with God. We are, um, this is day two of just, uh, walking through the scriptures, um, around the topic of forgiveness, just kind of looking at some different passages in scripture around forgiveness. Yesterday, we were in Matthew and we talked about the standard of forgiveness, right? The kingdom standard of forgiveness. We forgive as we've been forgiven, right? Freely you have received and freely you give. That is the kingdom standard of forgiveness. Today, we are talking about the weight of forgiveness. And, um, I'll be reading from Hebrews. We're in chapter 12, um, verse 14 and 15, really quick. Um, it says, make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy without holiness. No one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Um, I think speaking, you know, from, from, from, um, kind of like, you know, a take on forgiveness when I'm looking at this passage here, you know, unforgiveness doesn't, it doesn't just sit quietly in our hearts. It actually grows here. We see it depicted as this, this bitter root that grows up and causes trouble and could defile many. Right. And I think sometimes without noticing, um, what we may not realize is how, you know, these roots, they don't stay contained. They spread and they spread beneath the surface and they begin shaping you in ways that you don't even necessarily realize. I think, um, oftentimes, um, and I'm not just speaking from what I see. I'm also speaking from what I've experienced, but oftentimes you may think like you're holding on to a moment of offense, but over time that actually turns into like cynicism, right. Um, turns

into, um, like a hardness in your heart turns into distance, whether it be from God or whether it be from people, you become just defensive for reasons, you know, without even having reason to, you can just, just come off and just very defensive at times you can find offense in literally anything and everything. And slowly without you really even noticing what you were holding on to at one point, it's now wrapping itself around your heart. And it's no longer even something that is in your hands anymore, but rather now it's in your heart. Now, it's not just something you're holding on to, but rather it's holding on to you. That's, that's, that's what this unforgiveness war feels like at times, man, that's when forgiveness, it doesn't even feel like a choice anymore. Now it feels impossible. Now it doesn't feel like it's, it's not so much that I won't forget as much as it feels like I can't forget. That's that root of, of bitterness in your heart that that's been left unchecked. That's that bitterness spreading beneath the surface, man. And again, that root, it doesn't stay contained. The image I get, um, when I think of this, it's like, um, venom on, on, um, Spider-Man and how the way that it just grabs hold of him. And it just kind of like takes over his whole being. I've had, I've had multiple conversations, um, just recently, which is kind of really what led to, you know, me wanting to just come back and forgiveness with just like the way that that's, that the way that that's impacted people and the things that I'm seeing, I used to work for a lady, this lady had an anointing on her, right. But she's also been through a lot. And when she would walk in wombs, everything that she's been through, it's like she carried that heaviness into that room. You could feel it. It was palpable, right? Like

she, there wasn't a softness to her heart. It was this hardness. And, and, and, and, and it was evident that it come from, you know, like these, this unforgiveness in her heart for the things that she's had to encounter in life, enduring life, um, in my own personal life, right. I've seen how, you know, my, my, my son's mother, my oldest son's mother, not my wife, but my oldest son's mother, how her unforgiveness towards me has even like began to impact the relationship between her and my son, which is something I'm still praying through. And y'all can be praying for me with that as well, man. But, um, I'm like, I'm seeing how it's showing up there, right? Like unforgiveness over here shows up in a relationship over there. I was talking to my nieces, one of my nieces mom. And she was just saying, Nico, man, like, like we were in like a prayer meeting and she was saying like, um, like, I want to forgive people. She was like, I just can't anymore. I can't like it seems like it just it it's impossible like like I try to I want to and and and and recognizing like that that struggle like because we don't even notice the shift when it goes from Us holding on to the offense to the fence holding on to us We just realized we're further down the road and we're like man like this thing is constantly We're playing in my mind. This thing is constantly eating at my heart and and it's showing up in different ways in different in different Relationships and different conversations, right? like just the way these subtle ways that would that that Unforgiveness just sort of like taint and and it rewires your instincts and a number of things, right? I don't think we necessarily recognize the weight of This unforgiveness in our heart because it's like these gradual drips in a bucket that over over like a period of time It's like man. This is too heavy to carry on my own. I Notice in my own life

I've literally just like my own heart like that almost feels to be like one of my leans where I can lean into like resentment and Unforgiveness and so I've been praying to God like for a while I got I want you to soften my heart soften my heart in this right cuz if Unforgiveness hardens your heart like I'm like, okay We're God I need you to soften my heart and the way that I've seen it show up y'all like I can tell you like It was an incident, you know not too long ago with my wife where I was I was upset with her about something and Typically, it would be a situation that I can still hold on to for like a day or two later but the next morning when I woke up like I felt like as if like There was like a softness in my heart like there was the image that I could give you It's like um, it's like with unforgiveness having you locked in this dark room in this moment It was like, okay. I was still in that room But like there was a door that was cracked and I could see sunlight through it where it's like, okay D'Amico like I can't help you with this like, you know The Holy Spirit is cracked the door open for me to walk through but I have to choose to walk through it Like I'm not gonna walk through it for you to me You're gonna I'll crack the door open it cuz it was just enough of the pressure that was released from me I was relieved of just enough the pressure where it's like, okay Wow, like I'm not bogged down by this feeling of offense I could walk get up and walk through this door and and that looks like reconciliation It looks like, you know Maybe apologizing first or whatever the case is or letting go of the offense and whatever it is And I wish I could tell you in that moment. That's what I did, but I did and I Recognize it and I don't know. I still struggle with stubbornness sometimes too. So that time I Know I dropped the ball on that one. But um, it happened again like a week later or two weeks later and This time like I did capitalize on it Like I saw that crack in the door and I'm like, okay God, I'm choosing forgiveness this time

I'm choosing to walk through this door. I recognize that you've relieved some of the pressure You know that that I felt in my offense and now with that pressure being relieved God I'm gonna choose to walk through this door and I'm going to choose forgiveness And that's just that's that's that's I guess one. It's just like Just to encourage you to courage us to give us language around like how to pray around this topic How to like let's acknowledge like this. This is weightier than we typically then we you know Initially would have imagined but there is you know A Holy Spirit that we that we have to help us with this and this is just how that's shown up in my life Recently, I want us to um, I want to take some time today And just really I don't know, you know where you are in your struggle with this But I want to take some time today and just kind of reflect on like where have we seen bitterness quietly taking root in our own lives Right, not just in in obvious anger, but in like subtle shifts and some of these subtle shifts where have we seen, you know, unforgiveness take root whether it's how we talk about people or How quickly we assume the worst or like how guarded we've become Right, what are we constantly replaying in our mind? What are we constantly like allowing the enemy to treat like just like this merry-go-round of images in Circumstances that we just can't let go of and we constantly chewing on more and more thinking about like have we seen that show up in our life and it's it's like that these probably stem from like a womb at some point in time and How has this wound now grown into becoming our identity It's it's it's this unforgiveness piece, man. Like it It this is close to the heart like no pun intended but this is close to the heart man, because I recognize I see it in others and For me that just becomes a mirror of like how it shows up in myself. And so I'm constantly like So thinking through that lens like, Lord, okay, I recognize unforgiveness that I'm recognizing unforgiveness here and then not even realizing the way this bleeds into our personality traits and our identities and the way that we show up in the world and the way that we respond to people and things like that. But, but yeah, I just want us to take some time to actually just sit and reflect on that

today man, just, um, and I one on one time with God and, um, let's take that in prayer. Let's take that. If I pray for us right now, Lord, um, or we just ask that you soften our hearts. We thank you for your forgiveness. We thank you for your grace. We want that to flow freely through us or we ask that you condition our hearts that not only do we receive your forgiveness, but then our hearts are conditioned to be able to forgive others. We pray that as you relieve that pressure in our hearts, that offense, um, may apply. We ask that you give us the courage and the humility to pursue forgiveness in those moments, to choose forgiveness in those moments, Lord, that we don't allow unforgiveness to be a cancer in our hearts, eating away, turning us callous, that it doesn't impact relationships, other relationships that we genuinely care about, that it doesn't impact the way that we show up in the world, Lord, may we reflect you and your forgiveness to the rest of the world. I'm proud to see your son, Jesus name. Amen.