Stop Pretending it Didn't Hurt | Mornings with Mico

Good people, my name is Meeko Wayne, welcome to my one-on-one time with God today. This week we are continuing this study on forgiveness throughout the scriptures. This is day four, we've done, we started, we kicked off Monday talking about the standard of forgiveness and, you know, we forgive as God forgives. Day two was the weight, what unforgiveness does to your heart, talked about what unforgiveness does to your heart. Day three, we spoke about the model, like how specifically God forgives, what that looks like. And today we're talking about the process and what forgiveness looks like for us in real life. Yesterday we talked about, you know, how God forgives, today it's, we're going to unpack kind of like what that looks like for us. And this is a bit more complex than just a 10, 15 minute devotional, however long this will be. But this is just to give us some, like, just to give us some kind of framework and then just a few examples of what, of what that looks like and just something to build on. So today we're going to be speaking from a passage in Luke chapter 17, verses three and four. It says, so watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them. And if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying I repent, you must forgive them. And I don't, when we see passages like that, like you can, especially if they keep coming back and keep doing the same thing, you know, you must forgive them. I think that we have to understand, I think it's, it would serve as well to at least come into this just with a clear understanding of what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not. Right. Because we recognize the weight of forgiveness and that this is a requirement of us.

This is a foundation of our faith. We're called to forgive as we're forgiven. But I think we want to be able to have clear understanding of what it is and what it isn't. So this isn't an exhaustive list, but forgiveness is releasing the debt. Forgiveness is surrendering your right to revenge. So forgiveness is the continual posture of dying to your right to hold on to the offense. As you, once you feel offended, like, you know, you, you, there's a part of you that wants to cling to that. You know, I, I'm justified and feeling offended in this. Like they wronged me. Right. Forgiveness is dying to that feeling in and of itself. It's true. It's choosing not to rehearse the offense over and over in your mind. I don't know if you're like me, but sometimes when I find myself dealing with offense, I can play it over and over in my mind, over and like literally for days until like, maybe I say the thing that I wanted to say, or I'm seeing it from a different, whatever the case, but literally there's times when like, I will be thinking about it the night before I would wake up. And by the time I make it to the bathroom to brush my teeth, my thoughts are already back on the offense that happened days ago. So it's taking a stance against that. It's choosing to take every thought captive and it's choosing specifically not to, um, let that like, not, not, not to let that simmer, not to chew, chew on it. Like not to, you're choosing not to do that once you recognize that you're like, okay, let me break away from this thought pattern. Right. Um, it's also choosing not to talk about it to other people looking for allies. I'm guilty of that. There's been times when the Holy Spirit has convicted me, like as I'm dealing with somebody,

um, the family member that I mentioned the other day, right. And then I would get in other circles and I would bring up some of the things that they would say or some of the things that they would do. And I would always find myself convicted to forgiveness is choosing not to do that, not to go into these separate spaces, looking for allies or to down or to, you know, excuse me, to down, um, to down that individual or to expose them, right. Like it's, it's choosing not to do that, but let's be clear. Forgiveness is not pretending that it didn't hurt. We can't fake it. We're not called to fake it. That's not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not stuffing down the emotions that are associated with the offense. Like some of those emotions we need to work through, whether it's through therapy, whether it's through, um, processing verbally with a friend or somebody, you know, somebody who's also, you know, following after Christ, somebody who you can actually treat as a soundboard or someone who's maybe been through a similar situation to kind of help you see it from a different perspective. Like sometimes we genuinely need to process those emotions. Forgiveness is not stuffing those down and pretending like they're not there. Forgiveness is not downplaying the offense. Like, no, some of these things are. Regis some of that like no that shouldn't happen to you or that shouldn't have that that person shouldn't have done that like we don't Have to pretend like it's not as bad as what it actually is right when we see how God dealt with sin, he didn't pretend like the The offense wasn't bad. Like no the wages of sin is death and he's saying like no there's a crack There's a cost that that's associated with this right like that is a heavy expense right there And that's why Jesus died on the cross, right? Because that's the only person who could pay for the heaviness of that sin All right, so it's not downplaying the offense and it's not even trusting someone who hasn't changed When it says here to forgive that person seven times a day It doesn't mean let that person come live with you again

Or let that person back into your life and have access to you and ease it That's not what that means like you have to use wisdom in there But that's not necessarily what that means in some cases reconciliation is not even safe. It's not recommended It's like no forgive is releasing them of it. It's not being bringing them back into these, you know close quarters with you It's not staying in unhealthy or unsafe or unsafe situations I know like some situations that we've been through bro Since like it's like that that situation that situation needs to end that relationship that that circumstance like that needs to end That's not That's not Remaining there is not choosing to forgive That's not what forgiveness is and don't let your mind play that trick on you or the Individual or people around to play that trick on you You know what I'm saying? Like you have to be able to recognize and know like what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not You can forgive someone and still have healthy boundaries Jesus forgave freely, right, but he didn't entrust himself to everybody Forgiveness frees your heart Wisdom guards your life So we need both, you know what I mean? Don't just like like be free Be be free of the debt owed to you be Be released in that but also use wisdom as far as how you then operate and show up in life. I Know for me, this is look different in a number of different ways When that comes to mind is a situation where there was reconciliation, right and it was some slight but it was I don't know Why this is just what I feel like the Holy Spirit put on my heart when I was thinking through this And it was like you ever had like a friend somebody you cool with and y'all cool But then they try to make it seem like y'all way cooler than what y'all are and it's like Right, but but then you like, okay I'm gonna lean into this and then it's almost like not stiff arm But it's like brother quit acting like we that cool. We're not that cool wait, you know what I'm saying? and so it was a situation I had with a guy like that that I was cool with and

We had a mutual friend And I was talking to this mutual friend And they had brought up the guy who I'm referring to they brought up his name and they were like man I just see me him getting real cool and without even thinking mom. I just blurted out. I'm like, yeah I don't see me getting any cooler with him than I already am and when I said that it kind of was like somebody hit the record player just like Bro, where'd that come from? Like, you know what I'm saying? like that they don't even fit the vibe with a conversation that we haven't and I Noticed that because I saw the reaction and afterwards I was thinking like it is that What where did that come from? Right and I believe the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me It's like Miko you have like resentment harboring your heart towards them, right? Wow I'm cool with this individual. I Don't want to I'm like, I don't want to pretend like we cool it and we are but if you want to be cooler than That bro, we can pursue that but let's not fake it But if that's not that if that's not the case, then we don't have to I'm cool with that too But still let's not fake it and that's what it felt like to me, right? it felt like I was like, I don't know just rubbed me a certain type way or whatever, but That like like I want to just call out what it is, right? Like because we can use that language to sometimes mask offense and just say oh, yeah, just rub me a certain type way Yeah, that may be the case but at the core what that is is offense and I realized like I was offended by him, right and We me and his guy we were just having a conversation and I Was reminded again like of how I felt as I was talking to him and I just had to confess to him in that moment I'm like, you know what bro like me and such-and-such was talking about you the other day And this is what I say and it caught him off guard like and I'm like, yeah, bro I think honestly man, like I just been harboring some resentment in my heart towards you You know what? I mean like in that moment it was like because I didn't want to hold on to that I didn't want to pretend like it wasn't there

I didn't want to just because I my My default toxic lean is to be nonchalant like I'm unbothered or whatever But as I'm growing in this walk and growing closer and closer to God like I realized that does not serve me Well in this season, well, maybe in a previous life that served me well, right? But now what serves me well, then it's actually hindering me in my growth now I no longer like it does doesn't serve me well to just play this, you know, nonchalant, unbothered role anymore. Like, if I recognize there's offense there, I need to aggressively go after that. And that's my way of doing it. In this particular situation, that's how I chose to do that. I'm like, God, the moment I recognize there's something in here that's off, I'm no longer going to just mask it up or pretend like it's not there. Like, Lord, because I know that this becomes a cancer and I know how this eats at me. So, what I'm going to do once I recognize that that's there, I'm choosing to be partnered with you and it's going to be me and you against whatever this feeling is. So, if that looks like, in some cases, right, where there may not be reconciliation, or maybe there is, but one of the things that I do is I begin to pray for that person. I go to war for them in prayer, bro.

I will sit up and God bless them, bless their marriage, bless their household, bless their kids, bless their finances. Anything that I recognize they're dealing with, Lord, help them with that. Soften their heart, you know, whatever joys or desires that they may have, Lord, bless them with that. Like, go after that because the peace in me that's holding some sort of resentment towards them, that peace doesn't want to see them like that, right? So, now, in the way I'm partnering with God in this is me and God partnering against this offense in me is doing what offends this offense in me, doing what, like, the part of me that wouldn't typically pray for them or doesn't want to see them succeed or maybe that will breed some jealousy, whatever it is, I'm going, that's the way I fight against that. I go to war against this in prayer for them. So, now, to me, I see some of these opportunities of offense is like, God, this is a way that you want me to pray for them. You're attaching, you're tethering me to this situation, to tethering me to this person to go to war for them in prayer by this offense.

There have been people who have offended me and then I now see it like, God, that was possibly you orchestrating that and that was your way of tethering my heart to them so that I could become, so that I could, you know, start going to bat for them in prayer. Like, that's sometimes, like, what I recognized that God was doing because other than that, I wouldn't be praying for this person like that. But as I began to pray for this person, I start to begin to see things change, but then also I started to see how it softened my heart and it's like, God, this is like, it's like double fold. Like, I'm seeing them grow in certain areas and I'm realizing, like, I'm growing in my heart being softened and me not, like, sitting in resentment like I once did, man. Like, it is, so, it's, I don't know, like, it's one of those things where you really just have to, have to, like, let God have his way in that and that's what that looks like for me, right? The example of the reconciliation and confessing it to them or if there is no reconciliation or maybe there is some,

but going to war for them in prayer. I'm trying to think. Those are the two that come to mind. Those are the two that I can say I'm most, I'm most consistently operating, right? Whether I'm bringing it to an individual, to that individual themselves or if I'm talking and confiding to somebody else to kind of help me, you know, see this from a different angle. Like, I don't want people to just, like, you know, like, to create an echo chamber for myself and people who just agree with everything I say. Like, no, bro, this is what I'm dealing with. Show me where I'm wrong. I'm open. My ears are open. My heart is receptive. Tell me where I'm wrong. Help me to see this from a different angle because I'm struggling with this, right? Like, you want people in your life to be able to call you out on that or people to be able to speak life into these type situations with you and then don't downplay prayer. Prayer, prayer, prayer. Take that to God. Ask him, soften my heart. I'm seeing it literally in myself.

I'm seeing my heart get softened, bro. I was, I was literally talking to an over, one of my oversights at a previous job, like, last year, and I was saying, like, man, I just feel like God is doing some things in me and I'm like, and I feel like, I feel like he's softened in my heart, right? Like, me and her were having this conversation and, like, literally the day after that, I was just randomly sitting on the couch with my wife and she just looked over at me. She was like, it feels like God is really softened in your heart. You know what I mean? And that's a, for me, that is like, that, and for all of us, right? Like, that is a huge step forward because that is so needed in this. One of the ways that God speaks to me is when I share a thing with somebody over here, he'll often bring it back up in a completely different conversation, but he'll use the exact same verbiage. And for me, over years and years of walking with God like that, like, I can begin to identify immediately. Like, okay, this thought that I may have had over here, you're affirming it over here, where now I can connect and be like, yep, God, this is you. But yeah, that's how he operates with me, man.

So I'm just sharing that with you. I don't know if that blesses you, you know, but yeah. So I want to do this before I get too far to the left. Hopefully I haven't gone too far to the left tangent or whatever, but I want us to kind of take some time today and just simply reflect on this. As we've kind of talked about this process, I want us to reflect on where. We have possibly made forgiveness harder than it needs to be by confusing it with reconciliation or trust. Where have we, like, we've backed away from this idea of forgiveness because we automatically associate, oh, now I have to reconcile back to this person, or now I have to trust this person again, or let this person back into my life a certain way. Like, where have we, let's identify if there's an area, you know, anywhere, whatever, you know, in our life that maybe the Holy Spirit wants to bring to our heart? Or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe, where have you avoided forgiveness because you didn't want to feel the pain that was attached to it? Where have you, you've been offended before, and you'd rather stuff it down or just distance yourself from that people, that person, that situation, disassociate them, cut them off, right? Instead of actually leaning into forgiveness and processing those feelings and those emotions. Let's lean into that today. And I want us to, as you're sitting with that, what does releasing that debt actually look like in this situation for you? Either one of those. What does releasing the debt actually look like for you in this situation? I'll pray for us, and then we can call it. Lord, thank you, Father. We thank you, first and foremost, for the gift of forgiveness. The forgiveness that you've so freely given us. Teach us, search the complexities of our heart and our mind, and help us to walk in a way that is pleasing to you. Root us in our faith and humility.

That we may forgive just as we've been forgiven. That we may be free of the bondage of unforgiveness, of offense. That we may be free. That it impacts whoever else, the way that you would have it to impact them. Thank you for your love. We thank you for your care. We bless your name. Pray all this in Jesus' name. Amen. All right, y'all.