Staying Connected — Holy Matrimony — Rich & DawnCheré Wilkerson

We're so grateful that you are in church. And if you're watching online, do us a favor right now in the chat, we've been doing this every week, just let us know where you're tuning in from. People from all over the world participating with this ministry. We're grateful for it. As you already heard at your location yesterday was historic because we had five locations hold I Love My City. How many of y'all believe 2026, South Beach, we're coming for you. Make some noise if you're excited about our fifth location. But if you're watching online right now, just tune in, let us know where you're watching from. We've got our choir up here helping us today preach a little bit. Make some noise for these incredible people up here on the stage. I'm so glad you're here. Everybody up here is paid to respond. They're getting paid by the hour to say amen, that's good, preach it white boy. I don't really care. I'm lying, they're not paid, they're servant leaders, but somebody will take that and clip it and come against this ministry, but we're okay. Well, today we have come to a final part, our fourth part of our collection of talks

entitled Holy Matrimony. How many of you have been blessed from this teaching the last four weeks? We have been talking about God's design for marriage, dating and everything in between. And we kicked off week one talking about God is my witness, that it's God who designed marriage. The second week we talked about singleness and taking the single step. Last week I preached about holy, well, holy sex, but I called it sex on fire, designer sex really. And today as we come to a close, we really wanna speak right to your heart in a very practical way, in a helpful way. Sometimes people wonder like why we do these collections. Here's what I firmly believe. I believe that healthy churches are made up of healthy families, healthy marriages. In fact, when marriages and families decay in the church, it's only a matter of time before that decay shows up in society. And so I think what we're doing here is really, really meaningful. We live in an interesting day and age. Have you noticed that we live in a culture that loves love? Like we love love. Dawn Tree and I, this year, I've been saying it a lot, we're gonna say it a couple of times today, are celebrating 20 years of marriage. We didn't celebrate, all year.

And whenever I reflect like back when we got married, like, you know, there wasn't much to it. It's like dude gets down on his knee in a nervous way with his voice shaking, will you marry me? Girl says yes, then you have a wedding and you move into life, but not in 2026. 2026, I mean, I was talking to a guy the other day, he was like, yeah, I'm about to propose. I'm talking to my rehearsal director. Excuse me? If you have to do a rehearsal for your proposal, if you have to rehearse the question, you might not be ready for the answer, hello. Because now today, it's like you got to get drones out there, you need a makeup artist, engagement photos, there's five outfit changes, weddings are like a small Coachella, I can't keep up. Back in the day when we got married, there was a recording of the wedding, right? Now there's a recap of the wedding. I saw somebody's wedding recap, I thought it was a Michael Bay film. There was smoke, there was action, I'm like, this is unbelievable. And I'm not trying to come against wedding culture today. I love that people are putting that much energy into the celebration, into the party. But I do think it's indicative to the times that we are living in, that people are obsessed with falling in love, but not so focused on staying in love.

I mean, just look at the movies that come out in culture, it's, you know, how to lose a guy in 10 days, or failure to launch, or you've got mail. But I'm still waiting for, you know, like passion and property taxes. Because that's what real love looks like. Real love is the laundry chronicles, right? You know, 10 years in, still going, all right? Like, we have to change the narrative because it's not just about falling in love, it's really about maintaining and staying in love, don't you think? Yeah, we love connection. We love connection, we celebrate connection. We just don't love the maintenance. And marriage requires maintenance. Hello. I think what's fascinating is one of the most romantic books in the world is found in the Bible. It is a book entitled, The Song of Songs. The Song of Songs. And really in Hebrew, that was a way of saying it's the greatest of the great. It's used frequently in the Bible, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Holy of Holies. Well, this is saying it's the greatest song of all songs. And that's saying a lot Because the author, King Solomon, he wrote over a thousand songs. And so he's saying, this is my greatest song.

And if you've ever read the Song of Solomon, you know that it's basically like a romantic highlight reel. It says things like this. She is altogether beautiful. Your lips drop sweetness like honey. That's a bar. My beloved is radiant. They're gushing. Everyone loves that gushing moment of love and romance. Everyone wants that feeling. But you know what's interesting is that the same man who writes the most romantic book is also the one who writes the wisest book. He writes a book dedicated to wisdom. King Solomon writes Song of Songs, but he also writes the book of Proverbs. And it gives us practical wisdom for our relationships. Proverbs isn't about butterflies. It's about wisdom that you can heed to discover instruction for your marriage. Because romance without wisdom, it turns destructive. Very good. And feelings without wisdom will not sustain your relationship today or tomorrow. In fact, Solomon, he writes things like this. You're gonna be encouraged. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 27, one who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the one hungry, even what is bitter tastes sweet.

You gotta stop right there. That's an incredible verse for dating. Yeah. You don't go shopping when you're hungry. Come on, come on, preach it. And you probably shouldn't date when you're thirsty. Hello. Because even that which is bitter can taste sweet. Some of you are like, that's what happened to me. It's so good. Sorry, it just. No, it's so true. I was thinking the same thing. Song of Songs goes on to say, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. In other words, Solomon is teaching us today at VU Church something really important. Love is beautiful, but make no mistake, love is powerful. It's to be revered, it's to be respected, and all powerful things, what do they require? They require wisdom. You need wisdom for this word called love. Everybody wants to get connected, but nobody wants to stay connected. Everybody wants the marriage, but they don't want the maintenance. Well, how do you step into health, not just at the beginning of a wedding, at the beginning of a marriage, but for the entirety of the journey?

It's through gaining wisdom. I don't know how many people in our church have come up to me and said, oh, Dawn Cherie, I just wanna get connected. Can you connect me with someone? Can you introduce me to someone and friends? I can't tell you how many people I have connected, and I can't tell you how many people I have watched after they have been connected choose to disconnect. Because staying connected takes commitment. Today's sermon is simply entitled Staying Connected. I think about, Rich, those old Verizon commercials sometimes when I'm talking to you. In fact, I kept trying to call you yesterday. I was flying home, and I could not hear you. I was at the airport, and I found myself saying the words verbatim of the commercial. Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now? Why, because you can try to be connected, and you cannot find the connection. You can try to send a signal, but if there is no connection, there won't be the unity. And I just think when it comes to marriage, we've gotta focus not on the butterflies, not on the gushing, but friends, that's beautiful, but that's not what's gonna keep you united. We've gotta find wisdom from the Word of God. Holy matrimony is not just a ceremony.

It is a connection that goes beyond your feelings, that goes beyond your current circumstances. So today, we wanna give you three anchors that we think will make all the difference in keeping you connected. Absolutely. Today, if you're taking notes, connection is built through communication. Someone say, talk it out. Talk it out. Oh, we can do better. Say, talk it out. Talk it out. Write that right there in the chat right now. Say, talk it out, because look at what the brother of Jesus, James, as he speaks to us about communication. James chapter one, verse 19, My dear brothers and sisters. take note of this everyone someone say everyone everyone say that's you look they don't want to do that yeah that's you everyone should be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to become angry quick we're talking about communication quick to listen slow to speak and slow at getting angry how many y'all know we got that backwards yeah because most of us are are really really quick to speak really really slow at listening and and we get angry fat you get hot fast i mean just look at the way god created our bodies you got two ears and one mouth there's got to be a reason for that hello it's because real communication is not just sending out a signal real communication is the ability to listen receive and understand let me just make this helpful for somebody here here today who's like oh i don't know why they're always doing these like practical collections give me the bible i need something more spiritual okay prayer is the same thing a lot of people think

prayer is just talking to god and that's probably your problem because all you ever do is talk to god but you gotta learn to listen to god and i just discovered let's just take a step further that when god speaks he rarely shouts he usually whispers anybody got a friend who just whispers what what'd you say yeah what do you have to do you have to lean in and you have to get closer isn't that also what james said as you draw close to god come on somebody he will draw close to you come on somebody clap your hands even in our spiritual life if we're going to stay connected with god we have to have a prayer life but a prayer life is not life but a prayer life is not you just talking to god it's you listening to god it's it's you listening communication really is the bridge for connection if the bridge breaks the relationship suffers you do not connect through proximity you connect through communication what i've noticed about marriage is most marriages don't fall apart because of hate they fall apart because of drift you can drive in the same car share a bathroom share a closet share a bed but if you're not communicating you will feel miles and miles apart don shree and i were celebrating 20 years of marriage but our relationship goes back even further 24 years we met when we were 17 years of age we've been doing life together we were high school sweethearts then we went to college together in fact we were in the same fraternity the same sorority we had the same majors we used to sit in class together she was always like that really good student i would try to cheat off her do y'all have that friend that you try to cheat off i'm like they're like she was perfect i was like get out of here with that you know we're one but we weren't one yet so she wouldn't let me cheat but um we have just seen in our own life that we can do all these things together but listen to me if we're not staying connected we begin to drift connection is not about distance connection is based upon dialogue it was jesus himself who said this way matthew chapter 12 verse 34 look at this he says you brood of vipers he's speaking to the pharisees how can you speak good when you are evil is what he says for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks what jesus wants you to see there is that the words that are coming out are actually the condition of our heart that's why i want to say to every dad out there oh my son knows that i love him he does not know unless you speak that out loud well my daddy never said that to me and that's why you turned out the way you turned out what we need to have is we need to mature that we understand i'm gonna say it over and over and over again

because out of the heart the mouth speaks your wife doesn't know unless you say it your husband doesn't know that you're proud of him unless you say it words are powerful so jesus is saying that the inside is seen by what you say on the outside he's letting us know that our communication is what's going to build real connection but let's just make this really practical today it is not just what you say it is how you say it it is not just how you say it it's when you say it it is not just when you say it it is the look on your face when you say it it's the tone in how you say it it is the side eye that you give when you say it researchers tell us that 85 percent of Education is body language Whoo-hoo, so you can say girl you look pretty but man if you say it with your chest Girl, you look pretty Wow That starts to hit a little bit different this should tell us also something about our relationship with God because some of us have been coming to church for four or five years and We still think that lifting our hands is based upon style. It's not based upon style. It's based upon Scripture That I'm gonna tell my God I love him not just with my words But I'm gonna clap my hands in the sanctuary. I'm gonna lift my hands in God's house I'm a shout unto God with a voice of triumph. Come on every location. Go ahead and give God some praise today Because my body language is communicating something and if I want to stay connected with God It is actually built through communication now, I'm looking at don't you as I'm preaching and she's like, yeah, this is true This is a true principle because I can look at dawn shuri 20 years into marriage and she can already know what I'm saying good or bad so there's a principle here, but Let's talk about some of the problems don't true because there is a healthy way to communicate But we also sometimes learn by discovering the unhealthy ways of communicating totally We all know the unhealthy ways that we've experienced in our life. Have have you ever been in in a fight in the car? You can't go anywhere But there's nothing else that either one of you want to say and so you stare at the windshield I you stare at the windshield with your eyes full of fire and Nothing is said but there's like super aggressive turn signals use

The Console in between you it could just be the Great Wall of China You are not going to speak to that person ten minutes pass and then one of you just gives that really long sigh To say I have not forgotten what we just spoke about. How about the text messaging wars? You write three paragraphs Edit Repost edit repost. Oh you post that thing three paragraphs and they respond with K. Oh Okay, you're really gonna K me right now That's all you've got to say. That's all you're gonna say back to me. You know what this is like What about the where are we gonna eat loop? Where do you want to eat, babe? I? Don't care wherever you want to eat. No, I don't care either just pick just pick a place. I'll go anywhere Okay, let's go here. Nope. Can't go there We will do this until 9 p.m. At night trying to find something that we both agree on or how about the Infamous response. I'm fine That that is dynamite Waiting to detonate in any relationship, you're not fine. Let's unpack that it takes communication to dig beneath the unhealthy cycles that we all get into all those experiences are Experiences that we've had over the years and it takes wisdom and insight to go Oh, I'm not gonna let this Disconnection pull us apart because here's the thing those moments may seem funny now as we reflect But they reveal something much deeper They reveal the way that we care for one another, you know, researchers have actually studied couples and their interactions There's one psychologist named John Gottman who he studied over a thousand couples and he discovered patterns in Communication that allowed him to predict with over 90% Accuracy whether a couple would stay together or become divorced. Hmm He called these four different characteristics the four horsemen the first one is Criticism that you attack the person instead of the issue That you're also attacking their character and who they are instead of looking at the disagreement For what it actually is. The second horseman is contempt Contempt is sarcasm. It's eye-rolling. It's

disrespect and it is Destructive to our relationship the third is Defensiveness that you always have to win the argument that you're not listening to learn you're waiting for them to finish talking So you can prove your point you are defensive and you are not open to seeing the situation So it's situation any other way, but the the fourth horseman is stonewalling And that's when you're emotionally you just shut down There's nothing else that you're gonna get from me. You know, it may not be this dramatic. Sometimes the problem isn't even these four horsemen. Sometimes the problem is just simple disengagement. So we are not working and maintaining our connection. That's absolutely important because you can be present, but not be engaged. Communication, healthy communication is going to build and foster connection. I saw an illustration not too long ago. I wanna try to bring it to you guys here today. Dhanshree, stand up. We're gonna try to do this together. We have this little line here, and I just want you to hold it tight over there, okay? Hold it tight. Yep, there you go, perfect. You're doing great. So this is a picture. Chill out, chill out. Look at this, just, my God, hard to lead her. This little line just represents

a picture of our connection, that we're both holding it tight, and a big part of connection is, Dhanshree, can you feel me? Yeah. Yeah, I can feel you, girl. Okay. Stop. We can feel each other, that it's not just words, it's actually, I can feel you, I can sense you on the other end of the line. And so, as Dhanshree and I, as we come together, and we're gonna have contact, one of the great lessons that recently, I know this is like late in the game for me, 20 years in, but my therapist has been talking to me, and my counselor, she was talking about that I need to have better contact points with Dhanshree. All that simply means is that when Dhanshree enters a room that I'm in, I stop whatever I'm doing, and I have a connection point. Hey, babe, how are you? Or when she leaves any space that I'm in, that I stop if I'm in a meeting, and we have a contact point, because it's trying to build connection. It's not like we have to have some long conversation, it's that the connection, we can feel each other on the line.

Now, let's just go through this. Hey, Dhanshree, how was your day? It was really good. You're having a good day? Yeah. Now, let me ask you something. What'd you do this week? Did you have a good week? Tell me how you're reading this. Yeah, I took Waylon on a trip. We went to Austin, and she did so good. She was the best travel partner ever. We had our gate changed a few times, and she just kept walking with her tiny legs. She was tough. Now, the fact that she's still talking, she would never, ever do this, okay? She's up here just faking it for you, going, look how great I am. Amen. So, what did you feel just there in that moment? Disconnection. Okay, disconnection. You felt that, okay? Let's pull it again, tight again, okay? Let's just, let's begin again this time. All right, tell me just, and I'll put this down this time. All right, tell me, just tell me, because you were saying something about you and Waylon.

Tell me about that again. Can you tell me about it? Well, yeah, we went on a trip. We went to Austin. But, okay, so now this is actually working out perfect, okay? She's not even following the illustration. She's just actually reacting now out of real emotions. You saw her get annoyed with me just now? She's like- I already told you. I'm like, we're faking it up here. She's like really getting mad up here. Here's what I want you to see. Here's what I want you, this is really important. Because most people think that a marriage just snaps, but disconnection happens with slack. What? Come on, we can clap. Come on. For real connection to happen, there has to be tension. Both of us have to be holding the line. It requires both of us to stay in it. We can feel it. We can sense it. So often what happens is that someone does something and they let go of the line and slack occurs. And with that, that's where disconnection begins to take place. Marriages don't explode.

They erode. I want you to get this in your heart because this is so important. So often your spouse, they don't need your solution. What they need is your attention. And when you give attention, come on somebody, attention fosters healthy communication and connection. Come on, let's clap our hands. Make a little bit of noise. So good. That's powerful. Number two, connection is strengthened through conflict. Ooh, somebody say work it out. Come on one more time, work it out. Ephesians chapter four, verse 26 says it this way. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. Notice this, Paul does not say don't ever get angry. You're misreading the text. Paul doesn't tell us don't ever get angry. No, he says be angry, do not sin. Anger is an emotion that we all feel. It is outrage, perhaps over injustice or. over a particular situation we read in the Bible that God gets angry we read that Jesus gets angry and in marriage the question is not do I ever get angry the real question is do you have control over your anger or does your anger have control over you where is your anger leading you is it leading you to disrespect is it leading you to disengaging is it leading you to isolation or to gossip is it leading you to looking down on someone making judgments that you actually don't understand be angry but do not sin is

what Paul encourages us most people see conflict as something negative whenever conflict happens they want to avoid it oh this is unhealthy I don't want anything to do with this it feels gross I'm really uncomfortable right now and so we learn to view conflict as something that we actually avoid but every great story has conflict every great story if you were to just watch a story that just stayed the same it was just a plateau the entire time you would have changed the channel a long time ago conflict is what draws you in conflict is what leads you towards a resolution and I just want to encourage a few people today conflict is not the enemy in fact conflict can be the engine towards growth in your marriage conflict can be the engine to propel you forward and to change and evolve into who God has called your marriage to be don't demonize conflict Lena lean in and discover the destiny that is held within it see a marriage with zero conflict usually isn't healthy it's usually actually disconnected because to rip because we're two real people are known conflict usually lies there because we're so different we see things different we desire different things we interpret things differently we engage differently we are two completely different people we decided to walk alongside each other and so that conflict it doesn't push us away from each other when we communicate what does it do it draws us toward each other the opposite of conflict is not peace the opposite of conflict is indifference you don't want to become passive towards your spouse tiptoeing around conflict so you just don't have a disagreement when couples stop fighting it often means that they've stopped communicating in fact silence is sometimes more dangerous than shouting we don't allow shouting in our house that's not a part of the framework of our marriage but make no mistake silence is just as deadly for your marriage so the problem is not conflict the the problem is unmanaged conflict absolutely and I think for a lot of us in this room if research is correct about us many of us grew up in broken homes the Word of God says train up a child in the way that he or she should go and when they're old they won't depart from it so whatever you watched is what you learned and in some

cases we watched unhealthy we watched toxic dysfunctional cycles and so we learned that psychologists talk about when pressure hits people's lives in an unhealthy way there's three responses the first is fight so some of us that's all we know it's like we just get louder we get more aggressive we're gonna win this battle the second is this word flight that we just run away there's some people in this room that this is the seventh church you've been to in one year I love our church but listen to me it wasn't that all those other churches were bad oh you don't know pastor well listen to me if you're always at the scene of the accident every once in a while you got to look at the common denominator here okay no it's that many times whenever there's conflict or an opportunity for offense because we didn't learn we just run we get out of it I'm speaking to some single men here that you're now in your 40s and you've gone from girl to girl to girl it wasn't that none of them were actually worthy of being married to it's that when things got real when things stepped into real commitment when you actually had to deal with the real stuff when you actually had to mature into becoming a man you got afraid and so you ran you've got to grow it's not the healthy response the last one is this word freeze so it's it's fight flight or freeze freeze means that we just get stuck we go silent we stop growing we are emotionally unavailable but there is a healthier way the healthier ways that you have to learn how to repair You've got to return. I like this last word. You have to learn how to reassure. That I don't just apologize to Don Cherry, I don't just forgive Don Cherry, but we get better from it. And then I remind her, there is no place. Girl, if you try and leave, I'm going with you. There's a reassurance that there's nothing, nothing can come in between us.

What God has brought together. Come on. Let no man, let no man divide. So watch this. The goal of conflict is not victory. The goal of conflict is clarity. A fight worth having is one that brings about clarity that we can understand each other in a better way, that we can grow from this thing, that we can become more than what we are right now. Fight the issue, protect the person. Fight the issue, protect the person. Now, I just want to say something I think is really, really important because we're talking about not sinning when we're angry. You need to understand when it comes to our emotions, anger, psychologists would tell us, is a secondary emotion. Meaning there's usually something beneath the surface, something deeper going on, fear, hurt, embarrassment, a sense of disrespect. And so we hang out here on these surface issues, text message wars, dishwasher wars, AC wars, wars, but beneath the surface, if you could actually be vulnerable, you would hear from your spouse, I feel like I'm not heard. I don't feel seen. I feel stuck. Anger is the secondary emotion. And there is righteous anger and there's unrighteous anger. Righteous anger is when you're in control.

Unrighteous anger is when your anger is in control of you. Look at what James says. This is so powerful. James chapter four. We're just giving you practical wisdom today. This is all in the Bible. This is good stuff. Look what he says. Chapter four, verse one. What causes fights and quarrels among you? Good question. He answers it. Don't they come from your desires that are battling within you? So what is he saying? He's saying that most fights, most conflict is about what's happening on the inside of you. It's your preference versus their preference. It's your desire versus their desire. It is your want versus their want. Listen to me. Conflict is good, but you have to mature in the conflict. Immature conflict is when you're fighting over preferences. Mature conflict is when you start fighting over your purpose. Come on, who are we called to be? What is the Lord speaking to us? Most of us are quarreling about our preferences on the inside. Listen, our first couple of years of marriage, don't get me wrong.

I mean, every once in a while, it still comes up. She likes the house at 78 degrees. No, it's 74, but I like it at 68. Your man's hot, okay? But as we've grown, our conflict is around our purpose. And if you're gonna find out how to manage and bring about resolve and resolution in that conflict, you're gonna have to learn what I call the platinum rule. Someone say the platinum rule. Put that in the chat right now, the platinum rule. Most of us, because we know the Bible, know the golden rule. What is the golden rule? Do unto others as you want them to do unto you. That's the golden rule. That's really beautiful. But in marriage, I'm not talking about happy marriage. I'm talking about holy matrimony. You gotta learn the platinum rule. The platinum rule is not do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The platinum rule is treat your spouse the way they wanna be treated. And the only way you will ever do that is that you have to learn their love languages. There's five different love languages that I think most of us operate in. Mine are pretty simple. It's words of affirmation and physical touch. You touch me and tell me I look good,

I'll be yours forever, girl. And as a young man, that's how I tried to love Dawn Cherie. Come give her a back. What up, girl? You look good. She's like, you're creepy. Get off me, you know? I'm like, I'm trying to love you. I had to discover the platinum rule that her love language is different from my love language. Her love language is quality time and acts of service. Guys, when I do the dishes in my house, something spiritual takes place. Man, when I fold the laundry in my house, oh my God, get ready. It's about to go down. Who are you? Did you just sort the colors? Oh my God, I'm telling you what, it's called the platinum rule, all right? Amen. Which brings us to a point of disconnection. that a lot of people actually don't talk about, and that's sex. Yeah, talk about it. A lot of couples have. A lot of couples have a lot of tension around this subject, and you know what the solution often is? Communication. Yeah, very good.

Communication. You know, I think about last week, Rich preached this phenomenal message, and he talked about designer sex, that God is the designer. Designer sex. Well, let me tell you, a designer store has hours of operation. Your partner is not a 7-Eleven. Open 24 hours for convenience. Okay, touche. I'm 41 years old with a one-year-old. 2 a.m. is probably not the time to make your move. But can you talk about the hours? If you don't have any hours of operation, we got a problem. Maybe for you, the morning is the best time to connect. You've always loved breakfast. Maybe, get out of here. You gotta talk about it. And I think that if we don't talk about it in church, that maybe some of you will never have honest conversations that lead you to connecting and having time together. You gotta sit down and go, where's the disconnect? Let's be real. What do you need? What do you need? And when it comes to marriage, I think another thing that researchers have discovered that would really help us

is that it's not about how frequently you fight, it's about how quickly you repair. Rich already said that word repair, but let's talk about it for a second. How quick are you to say, I'm sorry? How quick are you to say, hey, you know what? I didn't mean for it to come out that way. Can I try again? How quick are you to say, hey, I don't wanna isolate. Let's actually come back to the table and talk this through. I think in our marriage, Rich leads us in this way. Like, since we started dating, he has always been the quickest to forgive, always been the quickest to make amends. When I wanted to isolate, when I wanted to run, he's always been the one to go, we can't live this way. We have to talk. Don Cherie, you gotta share with me what you're thinking. You gotta share with me your heart. When I've made mistakes, I forgive you always flows from his lips. It convicts me. It also challenges me when it comes to our relationship. How quickly do you repair? How quickly do you say, okay, I feel the disconnect. It may not be a break, it may just be some slack, but babe, we've gotta get our hearts reconnected. When couples learn to repair, conflict stops being destructive and it starts to build your marriage.

Yeah, it's beautiful. It's very, very good. And on that note, number three, if you're taking notes, write this down. Connection is sustained through forgiveness. Connection is sustained through forgiveness. I do a lot of weddings. It's one of the great privileges of being a pastor. And sometimes a couple will say, you know, Pastor Rich, what's the key to staying together? What's the key to staying connected? What's the one piece of advice you would give? It's always the same. Forgive fast. Forgive, someone say forgive fast. In the chat, put it in there right now. Forgive fast. Like Dawn Cherie, we wanna have a culture of forgiveness in our home. I've told Dawn Cherie, before you apologize, I've already forgiven you. See, that's a really immature, I'm waiting for you to say sorry. Well, some of y'all gonna be waiting forever. Well, I don't know how to do that. I'll tell you how you do it. It's from Colossians 3, verse 13. This is what Paul writes, and he makes it so clear. He says, bear with each other, how much more your spouse, and forgive one another if any of you

has a grievance against someone. Forgive, watch this, as the Lord forgave you. The reason why you're able to unlock forgiveness is because Christ forgave you. I've used the illustration before, but I think it's helpful. When Dawn Cherie and I first got married, we lived up in downtown Fort Lauderdale, and we got a one-bedroom loft apartment. It was cool. We loved it. We were 23 years of age, and there was no bedrooms. There was just our room. So if you came to the house, I'd be like, yeah, you want a tour? And this was the tour. Let's sit down at the couch now, you know? Like, everything was exposed. And it's funny to talk about, because in our first couple years of marriage, we would get into arguments. We would have conflict. Now, a lot of people have conflict, and what do they do? I'm going to the other room. We didn't have another room. So it forced us to deal with the issue. Today, the purpose is not for you to get a smaller house. Some of you already have a small house, and that ain't working either. It's because we train ourselves to escape to things.

That when conflict comes, let me escape to another bedroom. Let me escape to a friend. Let me escape to my phone. Let me escape to another person. Let me escape to a bottle. Let me escape to a video. Let me escape to a pill. I just wanna encourage today that if you're gonna stay connected, you're gonna have to create a culture that you say we're going to fight. We're going to fight to forgive. Listen to me. I'm telling you what, it is not chemistry that keeps you connected. It is mercy. Chemistry will get you to the altar. Come on, any folks been married for a while? Mercy's gonna keep you at the altar. I need mercy and forgiveness every day. Every day, don't you? So true, unforgiveness can sneak in in ways that you wouldn't expect. Like I think about my house. I really need to sweep my house every day. I don't know where the dust comes from, but it appears. It's not a boulder of dirt in the middle of my living room. It just sneaks in. And unforgiveness can be that way. One of the ways the unforgiveness can sneak into our hearts

is through scorekeeping. I did the dishes. Well, I planned that date. Well, I took the kids and I handled that appointment. What you don't realize is there is no competition in marriage. It's not you win or I win. It's pass or fail. We either win or we lose. We've gotta come to a place where we stop keeping score. Another way that it sneaks into our heart, unforgiveness, is that we judge the other person by their actions, but we judge ourself by our intentions. Well, I know why I did that. I know what I was feeling. We don't let the person escape what they did. We never ask why. We never seek to understand. We simply keep score and we keep judging them by what they did instead of learning who they are. God doesn't want us to weaponize yesterday's argument today. God doesn't want us to pull the baggage of last year into this season that we're in right now. No, God wants us to choose forgiveness. Listen to what Romans 12 says. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful. Somebody say be careful. Be careful. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, say on you. On you. Live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath. For it is written, it is mine to avenge. I will repay. In other words, you have a choice today. Do you want revenge or do you want God's intervention? Because you may be trying to take it into your own hands and getting what you deserve and you are actually blocking the miraculous, merciful hands of God that are waiting to intervene in your marriage. Don't seek revenge. Seek the heart of God. Healthy marriages don't just fall into forgiveness. They choose forgiveness. And we believe today that God wants to cultivate a marriage for your life that will last a lifetime. It doesn't matter what you witnessed growing up. It matters what God has spoken over you. And he has spoken life and life abundantly. A marriage that says, I forgive you. A marriage that says, I love you. A marriage that says, I desire to know you. God hasn't called us to live disconnected, isolated lives. God has called us to live connected. Absolutely.

I wanna stand back up because I wanna try to illustrate this as we come to a close. Let's grab our line again because this message is trying to be as practical as we can that it's more than chemistry. It's more than romance. Really, the key is staying connected. And some of us today, as we were kind of illustrating this, you're like, yeah, yeah, we have slack sometimes. But there's others of us here in the room and watching online right now, you would say, man, it's not that it's got slack. Man, we're not just disconnected. We're separated. Something is cut. Something has been broken. There's been betrayal. There's been hurt. There's been pain. Yeah, we're living together, but man, my spouse has just become my roommate. And I don't know if there's any hope. I just wanna encourage you today. If you're here and it looks like this, that we serve a God. In fact, next week, I'm starting a brand new collection called Redemption, that we serve a God who can make, listen to this, all things new.

That He is the God who redeems. He is the God who restores. Come on. He is the God who refreshes. But Jesus is the groom and the church is the bride. It's giving us a picture that whenever God works, He looks for collaboration. And God can restore and God can redeem, but it will require you and I to forgive. Let me tell you what forgiveness does. Because some of us, we've got a bad idea of forgiveness. We think forgiveness is like denial. Like, oh, it never, you know, it never happened. No, forgiveness is not denial. Forgiveness is about you absorbing the pain. Forgiveness is making a decision and a choice based upon what Jesus has done to say, I'm not gonna hold someone accountable tomorrow for what they did yesterday. I'm not gonna weaponize it. I'm going to forgive. And as I forgive, guess what it does? It ties a knot in the line. Here's what a lot of people don't realize. Because some of you are like, man, you see a marriage, you see a couple, you're like, I love their relationship. I love their marriage. I wish my marriage could look like that. Let me tell you, any marriage that you are admiring is not a marriage that hasn't broken before. It's just a marriage that learned how to tie knots along the way that they forgave. And every time we forgive, there's knots. If you can see somehow with the supernatural eyes, our marriage of 20 years has been knot after knot after knot. It is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of God's mercy, God's strength, God's power. Come on, God's wonder-working power. Someone say tie a knot. You say, but Rich, I don't know if I can do that. I know. Once again, left to yourself, you can't do it. Left to yourself, you're not enough. But Colossians says that we should forgive because Christ forgave us. This teaching that's happened the last four weeks, it's not a teaching about mind over matter. It's not self-will. Left to yourself, you can't forgive. Left to yourself, you're gonna always carry the trauma. You're gonna always carry the pain. You're gonna always carry the mistakes of what someone did. But there is one that's greater than us. There is one who came when we were broken, when we were hurt. I'm gonna get a...Oliver, would you come up here? Make some noise for Oliver as he makes his way up here. You get to be God today. Would you just hold this up because I want to

show everyone. There is another strand. There is another rope. And it's the scarlet cord. It's the blood of Jesus. It's really Him who holds us up. It's really Him who's first forgiven us. That helps me unlock forgiveness towards Don Sheree. Oh wait, this is the Bible. Ecclesiastes says, though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. Why? Because a cord of three strands. Come on somebody. The cross is not easily broken. How many believe because of what Jesus did? Because of the power of His shed blood. Come on. We can stay connected. What He did vertically, come on, impacts us horizontally. It's not just her and I holding the line. There is one who's greater. And He holds us up. Come on somebody, give God a shout of praise. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. You can stand to your feet at all of our locations. Stand into your feet. Stand into your feet. I just want you to bow your head for a moment. I'm gonna ask that no one's leaving at all of our locations. Just stand into your feet. There's just two groups of people I want to pray for today. Number one, with your head bowed and your eyes closed, no one's walking out. If you're online, stay with us right here. I believe there's a powerful moment that God wants to do something. But if you're here today and you've never given your life to Jesus, I mean that's where this all begins. That Jesus Christ came for you. That He loves you. That His blood was poured out. That while you were a sinner, He still forgave you. He died for you. He sacrificed for you. It's that story. It's that message that changes everything. The Bible says, believe in your heart, confess with your mouth, and you will be saved. I don't like clothes and services. I don't care if it's even on time change Sunday. I don't care if we're even preaching about marriage. I don't like clothes and service without giving people an opportunity to meet Jesus. So with your head bowed and your eyes closed, just for a moment, if you're here and never given your life to Jesus, on the count of three, would you just be bold? Would you lift your hand up high enough and long enough? If you're at one of our other locations, just standing to your feet for a moment. If that's you, would you just, when I get to three, would you just lift your hand up? I don't want to embarrass you. I want to prompt your faith. Ready? Hands are already starting to go up here at Miami Gardens. We're ready. One, the

Bible says today's that day. Two, don't look at your neighbors. It's not about your neighbors. It's between you and Jesus. One, two, three. If that's you, lift it up. Yep, I see it. Trust it's happening at Design District. Trust it's happening in the city. Trust it's happening online. You can put your hand down for a moment, right there at your chair. Just maybe just lift your hands. Just pray this prayer. Come on, I want the whole church to pray it. Let's just encourage our brothers and sisters. Say, dear Jesus, today I surrender. I give you my life. I repent. I ask for your forgiveness. I believe you are who you said that you are, that you are my savior and you are my Lord. Today, I give you my life. I choose to follow you. In Jesus' name. Everybody said amen. Can we just clap our hands and celebrate people? Here's what I wanna do. Here's what I sensed in my heart at all the locations. We're still LinkedIn, I believe. I just want you today, if you're here with your spouse, those that just prayed that prayer, I'm gonna give you an instruction in just a moment. But if you're here with your spouse for a moment, I just want you to join hands with them. And I wanna pray a prayer over the families of our house.

And as we pray, I've asked the team just to lead us in a moment of this song, The Blessing. Because I don't know all the stories at all of our locations, but I do believe that God is working in your life. And I do believe in a God of redemption. I do believe in a God who redeems time. And today I'm praying for the marriages of VU Church because I believe God wants to do something here in Miami, Florida, but I do not believe our church is gonna outgrow the pace of our health. And as families get healthy, I'm telling you what, it creates a positive ecosystem for kids to be born. We serve the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. This is legacy word. And so today we're gonna pray for a blessing to come upon the homes. If you're single, you're going, are you leaving me out? I'm not leaving you out. Today, I want you to put your hand over your heart. And I just want you to pray over your future spouse, which I don't wanna get married. You ain't gotta get married. You can pray over you then. God bless me. Let me walk in wisdom. Let me walk in decisions. But I wanna pray. And as we pray, we're gonna sing this song.

Let's just take a moment in God's presence. Man of God, I'd love for you to begin to pray over your wife as I finish. And then woman of God, if you're comfortable, I want you to pray over your husband. Let's believe that right here, right now, more than chemistry, mercy is being unlocked. God, I thank you today for every family. God, I thank you for every home. God, I thank you for every marriage. At all of our locations right now, Lord, we're praying a hedge of protection like you did for Joe, that when the enemy comes, Lord, that he might try, but his weapon will not prosper. God, we're believing for health in their home, physically, Lord, emotionally, spiritually. May a blessing come upon their house. Lord, upon their kids and upon their kids' kids, their grandchildren, their great-grandchildren. God, I pray you bring about prosperity in their home, Lord, that their businesses would flourish, Lord, that whatever their hand touches, God, prosperity would chase them, Lord. God, I pray for fulfillment and satisfaction, real vulnerability, real health. God, I pray that you would be the center of their home, that you would be first in their house, God. Lord, your word says that when we seek you first, God, as we put you first, you will add all these things, Lord,

so we're not chasing the additions, we're chasing you, Jesus. We're believing, God, that you are first, you are the priority. God, may a blessing come upon the homes of VU Church, over the men of VU Church, over the wives of VU Church, over the single people at VU Church, God. May it be evidence, God, that they walk in strength, God, that they walk in courage, that they walk in faith, all the days of their life. Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow you. Come on, if you agree with that, somebody's singing amen, come on.