Spiritual Pathways || Phase 1 | Lesson One

My name is Matt Robison, and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic and drug addict, and this is my story. From the very first time that I ever got drunk, I was 13 years old, and I remember the change that I felt when I got halfway through that second warm beer. Didn't know that my life was a lot of anxiety and fear. Didn't know that I didn't feel comfortable other places, because all I knew was what I knew. But when I was 13 years old and I got drunk the first time, I thought I'd found the secret to life. I felt like that I couldn't be happy. From that moment, there was a core belief I had about myself that I could not be happy, I could not be at peace, that I could not have any kind of inner sense of calm in my life unless I put something in me to change the way I felt. And that's how it was for the rest of my adult life until October 5th of 2020. I had times and seasons where I could go without using, and I could go without putting anything in me. You know, my primary things were pain pills and alcohol, and I have times where I could go where I didn't, and I would do okay for a while, but the reality for me was the longer that I went, from the time I was 13 until I was 39, the longer I went, the amount of time that I could go without looking for something to put in me to change the way I felt kept getting less and less and less, and the amount of stuff I had to put in me to change the way I felt or to get me where I could feel some type of calm kept getting more and more and more. That was the reality for me until that day in October. You know, and even as a pastor, I've been a pastor for over 20 years, even as a pastor looking at God like He was my employer or like He was somebody that I needed to perform for or like every other relationship I had in life was that if I did good, then I deserve good, but if I messed up, then I had to work extra hard to try to get myself back to a place where I felt like I deserved to be there, like I had a seat at the table. Man, and that cycle of performance that I lived in was a constant thing that left me

always feeling not quite good enough that no matter what I did, it could have been better. And that exhaustion of the performance that I had was the foundation for why I consistently and constantly kept looking for something to change the way I felt. You know, and then when in October of 2020, I did what I'd always done, I was doing okay for a while, had been in a good spot and got up that morning, there was some stress going on in my life, but the majority of the times for me, the expectations that I was putting on myself was the problem, they were self-imposed. But I got up that morning and thought, if I could just, I just need a little bit to calm down. If I just get a little bit, then I'll be okay. I went to the gas station, got something to drink. And the next things I really remember are what my friends have told me and my wife have told me, that I walked around the south end of Louisville in a blackout for the rest of the afternoon and evening. And I came to on a park bench on the corner of Central and Third and Louisville, not knowing how I'd got there. And that was what I thought was going to be the pretty much my life was over. A good friend of mine that my wife had called came in and got me and took me to a detox unit in downtown Louisville and I thought my life was over at that point. And then what happened was my old life was over. That life of living in a cycle of performance was over. That in that gift that I was given of desperation, because I don't know what it was, I had times where I had been physically sicker because of substances. I had times when the consequences were higher because of my use of substances. But there was something in that day that it was like I was given this gift of desperation. It was like a switch flipped in me and I was willing to do anything. I was willing to do anything to get sober. And I stayed in detox for five days. And when I got out of detox, I fully thought for sure I was going to lose my job. I thought for sure that I was, you know, I didn't know if I was going to have be allowed

to come home. But I got my phone back that day when I got out of detox and one of the first texts was I saw was from our senior pastor, Kyle, that said, man, I love you, bro. Grace is enough. We'll figure this out. If you want help, we'll help. And so when I thought my life was over, really what it was, was that old life that I'd been stuck in was over. Man, here at Southeast Recovery, our hope for you is that... while you're on this journey with us, that we can connect you to Jesus as a part of your long-term sobriety, that you can connect to who Jesus is. And I realize that there's a lot of different conceptions around God and Jesus and church, and that brings a lot of baggage, but I want to be able to focus in on this story of Jesus, because I feel like this is what happened to me when I was in detox, okay? In John chapter 20 is the story of Jesus interacting with Thomas, and Thomas had said earlier on, in chapter 20, verse 25, it says, unless I see the nail marks in his hands and I put my finger where the nails were, and I put my hand into his side, I will not believe. And a week later, in verse 26, the disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them, and though the doors were locked,

Jesus came and stood among them and said, peace be with you. Then he said to Thomas, put your finger here, see my hands, reach out your hand, and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe. And then Thomas said, my Lord and my God. Like, we want to connect you to Jesus as a part of your long-term recovery, because, man, what we figured out through Jesus is that God is interested in a lot more than just our behaviors. God doesn't sit in heaven with just this chalkboard marking tally marks of the good you do and the bad you do. God is interested in all of you, and he is interested in more than just your behaviors, and to connect with him as a part of your long-term recovery is to connect with the guy who walks through locked doors, and that's what he did for me. I had built walls over my heart as a self-preservation thing, and he walked through those and shows up, and if anybody has a right to call Thomas out for doubting or to give Thomas shame because Thomas didn't believe Jesus was who he said he was, it was Jesus. In that moment, he could have led with anything, and Jesus led with peace. He walked through the locked doors, and Jesus led with peace,

and he walked up to Thomas, and it was like, hey, that's all you need is to touch my hands? Well, here they are, touch them. Man, to connect with Jesus as a part of your long-term recovery, for you to know that God is interested in more than just your behaviors, and you come to know that Jesus walks through locked doors, and leads with peace. We are so glad you have joined us for phase one of this Spiritual Pathway curriculum. We've taken great care and intentionality in creating something that would work well for you. One of the reasons we write some of the things down that we do in your workbook is because the act of writing something down is the equivalent of saying it out loud seven times. We're wanting to really help you retain and store those truths. Another piece that's really key to this is each lesson has an application piece, and we really wanna encourage you to lean in and work through those application pieces. It's not just to take up space on a page, but it's really to help you begin applying the concept that we're learning. And in phase one, lesson one, we learned the crucial, kind of the crux of everything, sobriety is not the absence of addiction,

but it's the addition of community, and what does that look like in your life? So in your workbook, you have a timeline of sorts, and we want you to focus in on this being your spiritual timeline. And what that means is we want you to think about what has your journey been like with God? For some of you, it may be no journey. For others of you, it may be an up and down journey. For others of you, you maybe are just now starting to consider what life with Christ could look like. And so we want you to look at your timeline, and at the beginning, you'll see the word start, and at the end, you'll see the word today. And I would like you just to make a line of some sort that would put in picture form what your journey has been like. As we sit with clients, some of them, their journey starts in the pit, and it's just this steady climb up that it's been from bad or nothing to just mainly good. Other people, it started out really well. Maybe grandma took them to VBS in the summers, and it was a great experience, but that it's just been a downward plummet since then. If most of you are like mine, my timeline looks like a roller coaster, ups and downs and everything in between, because life happens. And so some easy ways to think about your timeline,

you can think about maybe a childhood memory, whether it's positive or it's negative, maybe an awkward middle school moment. Who's been most influential in your life as you have been growing? And if you were to look at my timeline, you'll see that there is this big pink circle right here in the middle, 13 years of just. what I will call hard, where it all hit the fan, it all came apart. And that was a really hard season to work through. But what I learned as I look back, unfortunately, I think hindsight is most often 2020. We see it in the rearview mirror, right? But what I learned in that season is I was letting circumstances and discouragement and frustration and pain drive me, rather than letting an expectancy and a trust in a God who says he will provide, says he will do what he will do, drive me. But as I continued through that and started to wrestle with what am I to learn, what am I supposed to do with this, the Lord really started to grow in me an eager expectancy that even when times are going to be hard, because we have talked about and we'll talk about again, it's not if but when trials will come. When those trials will come, we don't have to let those push us into the pit. But instead, we can lean in to what the Lord has for us. During that pink circle, I had a friend who gave me a Post-it note during that time. And I'd like for each of you to take a Post-it note as well. And I'd like you to put it somewhere on your timeline and move it to the area that you see fit. But the Post-it note said, Elroy. And Elroy is the Hebrew name for God that means, my God sees me. And that no matter what you're going through, what you're experiencing, wherever you're sitting in this moment, that couch or that chair, or that corner of the carpet that you're asking yourself, how did I get here? Remember that God sees you where you're at, and he wants the best for you. And if that pink circle trouble spot is this season of life for you, put that Post-it note right there on top of it. And remember that my God sees me. God sees you right where you are. And as you work through your timeline, one other challenge I'll give to you is to take some time and look back when you have time to reflect these earlier times in life, childhood, teenage years, maybe early adulthood. And I want you to take the time to think about the

people that were in your life that impacted you, influenced you for the good. And it was that simple addition to this exercise that was a game changer for me. That I started to look back and I was able to remember parents, grandparents, CS, Miss Oakle, Tony, Nitra, Marsha, Nancy, Monica, Donna, all along the way. Those were the people that God had in my life already or intersected with my life for that season to teach me and grow me and get me to what he needed me to get to next. So I encourage you as this video closes, take some time, work through your timeline, and prayerfully ask the Lord to meet you right there where you are and to show you the good that has been and the good that is still to come.