Shirley's Testimony

Hi, I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ who struggled with love relationship issues. My name is Shirley. I thank God for the opportunity to share my testimony with you all tonight. I grew up in a wonderful Christian home with both my parents who were called affectionately Mama and Daddy. Going to church was a normal thing. I had access to every service I could possibly attend. Between all of my social activities at school and my neighborhood friends, I would say I had a pretty good life. I was very involved in many church activities. I spent a lot of time with my friends at church and I grew to love and enjoy them. I loved to dance and I was chosen to join the dancing team on the Larry Kane television show which aired every week on Channel 13 ABC locally in Houston, Texas. I attended the local schools in my hometown and I truly wanted to be liked and accepted by my peers but always had to compromise in my relationships with them. I was a studious and outgoing person who was very active in school. I was also a part of the speech and drama team. I tried to make friends and keep them but that was hard because they always created a problem for me in the crowd. Amid all of that foolishness, I was an excellent honors student and I graduated number 50 in my high school class of 551 seniors. I was so proud of myself but some of my friends never seemed to appreciate me no matter how hard I tried to please them. They always made me the butt of their jokes so I felt I could never measure up. During those high school days, we went to a lot of parties and we drank a lot of cheap wine or whatever we could find. I was chosen to be the designated driver only because I had a car. Drinking a few beers was not strange to me because my father had beer in the refrigerator all the time and many times he would ask me to get a beer for he and his friends while they fixed cars in the garage.

So I got one for all of them and I had one for myself. I never knew I managed to hold my liquor well with my friends and I never got drunk out of control or act really loud and silly. Of course, my mother would have punished me severely if she knew I was drinking. Well, I finished high school and went on to a private Baptist college in the city. I met a seemingly nice young man at church who left for the Marines all the way to a place called Camp Pendleton, California, just near a place called Lake Forest. This was not a good decision for me. I decided to tag along and we were married without any counseling from our local church. Our pastor visited with us for only 10 minutes before the day of our marriage. It was only a year later that I found myself in an abusive, controlling relationship and pregnant. I thought I was a fairly good wife. I was excited to be married and pregnant with my first child. I tried to model what I had seen from my mom and dad, all of the good parts of their relationship, but it was not enough to prevent the abuse. I was afraid of my unborn child who sometimes took a hit or two during the rage and fits of anger. The arguments were fast and furious and our marriage was headed for failure. I was away from home, out of school, and in an abusive relationship that created a very depressing time for me. I finally broke free when I realized I was being physically and mentally abused. And that was where most women were, in shelters, in that kind of situation. But I thought of myself as a good Christian girl with a good upbringing. I thought about hurting him more than a few times, but I didn't want to. go to prison and leave my baby girl. I had to really fight those thoughts and remember my Sunday school lessons, thou shall not kill. Finally, the marriage ended and I was free with my child for many years without any child support. Upon my return to Houston, I began working at a department store in the local mall. Well, it wasn't long before I met another young man. Oh, I thought this was my prince in shining armor. He works, his parents are pastors, he

has a car, and he loves the mall. I was so excited and I wanted this relationship to work. Well, we ended up getting married and we started attending my old church. We did not receive a warm reception at all. Some of the parishioners began whispering and gossiping about me and my second husband. Others began to call my parents and ask questions about my relationship and that it was a sin to marry again while your first husband is still alive. Things went well for the first two years of our marriage. He called me his queen and I treated him like royalty, but suddenly he began to stay out all night and working late all the time. Sometimes after the birth of my son, I learned rather abruptly about an affair between my husband and a young lady I consider to be a close friend and we work together. I remember the day that she asked me for my husband's work number because she was having troubles with her car. Naive and always trying to assist when possible, I gave it to her and I never thought anything about it. But one Saturday morning, her husband dropped by to return my husband's toiletry bag and a personal monograph bath towel that I had given him at Christmas. I was really crushed and I was distraught. I felt betrayed by my own husband and by my good friend. I had all sorts of thoughts on how to get revenge as well as how to save my marriage, but to no avail. My husband was gone. I sought a quick divorce and vowed never again to speak to him again. Now this codependent woman is all alone again with two little kids. I was dealing with a severe case of unforgiveness and distrust. My guard was up. I didn't want to be hurt anymore with these love relationship

issues. In the midst of all of that, I had my church family, at least I thought. So I continued to attend our family church and participate in all the activities. This was the place where I was born and raised, saved and water baptized. I just knew I would be well received by everyone. Most of them looked at me strange and different because now I was twice divorced. Many of the young women held on to their husbands like I was going to strip them from their arms. The elder women offered me no support. They were so cruel and unloving. I had no serenity at all. I felt crushed in my spirit as though I had no one but Jesus to cry out to. Only a few in the church accepted me for who I was, a young woman battered, bruised and broken. But one Sunday morning, I went to get my son from the back of the church. Only the pine that his arm had been burned by a cigarette and no one took care of my toddler. I was very angry. I had trust issues and all kinds of unforgiveness in my heart. The Bible tells me that in Galatians 5-6 that faith worketh by love. How would I be able to believe God to do miracles in my life when I had no love for his people? I had to do a lot of soul searching because I was unlovable. I was unforgiving and I trusted no one. Despite my troubles in my church, I truly believe that the Lord loved me. John 3-16 was so very real to me. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever whoever believed in him would not perish, but would have everlasting life. I knew the Lord loved me, but now I'm a single mother with two kids, living a pretty peaceful life with my issues. After all, I went to church on Sundays

and I was a good Christian, but I just wasn't happy at all. My eight-year-old daughter went to an evening service one night on a day of the Super Bowl, and she met an old friend of mine that I grew up with in that same church. He asked her where I was, and she said, I went to the Super Bowl. Well, that prompted a call the next day and we became an item. No one, absolutely no one in the church wanted us to date or even talk because I had two kids and I had been married twice before. They made their feelings perfectly known to everyone. We finally made a decision to leave our home church and where we were both raised and began attending a non-denominational church on the other side of town. So many years went by and we got along pretty well. We had differences, but things began to really get difficult when he discovered alcohol and smoking again. And as he was drifting further from the ministry, I was being called into the ministry. That angered him and things began to turn for the worse. We grew apart and we were divorced after 21 years of marriage. I almost started drinking again myself. I felt that mental abuse coming on,

but I remembered the word of God from Isaiah 41 10 that says, fear not, I am with you. Be not discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and I will help you. That word helped calm the raging storm that was on the inside of me. I wanted to quit and give up. We lost everything of value and everything we had worked so hard for. And I found myself homeless. Many from my old church sent word. I knew it wouldn't work, but turning to the only one who was able to save me, I cried out to God and he heard my cry. The Bible says in Jeremiah 33 three, call unto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things that you don't know. I began to really seek God and serve him seriously, but I still had some trust issues, unforgiveness and love issues, although I hid them very well. But I knew in my heart that they were there. A couple of years went by and I continued to minister and to go and attend church regularly, but I knew I had a secret. We found a church with a ministry called Celebrate Recovery and I felt led to participate in that large group meetings. And finally I joined a step study group. Now my secret was being exposed. A secret that I was always too ashamed to talk about

or even mention. My story of codependency, abuse, unforgiveness, trust issues and three failed marriage relationships. It was the place that healing began for me. Now I have a forever family. I was asked to attend a Celebrate Recovery summit in Lake Forest, California. In one of the sessions, a young lady was sharing her story, which sounded a lot like my story. I had suffered many years of shame and abuse and betrayal, unforgiveness and love and trust issues. I could never speak of these things. And this lady, this dear woman, was sharing it to the whole room of people out in a tent. This was the testimony that just hearing this testimony changed my life. This dear lady was not ashamed or embarrassed to share what she had gone through. It broke down the many walls in my life that had held me bound for so many years. Hearing her testimony gave me the courage to face my fears. I was not alone. I didn't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed. I didn't have to be afraid. and hide from my past. My past was not going to keep me from experiencing the future that God has planned for me. Jeremiah 29 11 says, for I know the plans that I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future. And I have since repented and made amends to many that I hurt and I offered forgiveness to those who hurt

me. I found out that I have the victory and no one is able to take that from me. Celebrate Recovery gave me victory over my hurts, my hang-ups, and my habits. Then God brought a very unusual man across my path. He had a big beautiful smile. He loved God. People loved him and he could preach like he was sent from heaven. I needed this guy in my prison ministry as we traveled Texas. My mentor and dear friend introduced us at a conference one night while we started working together in ministry and walking on a jogging track to exercise and stay fit. At least that's why I was there. But one day as we were walking around the track, I looked up at him and I saw a gleam in his eyes. I never heard another word he said all the way around that track. We were married on June 18, 2005 in San Antonio, Texas and have been living this life for Jesus ever since. Thank God we were blessed with gifts, hugs, and well wishes from our home church. I have learned to walk in love no matter the situation because God is my refuge and he is my strength. We have continued to work and celebrate recovery and are serving every Friday night in our local church to provide the Celebrate Recovery full experience for all in our community and the greatest opportunity is serving alongside my husband as the CR Inside Director for Celebrate Recovery. I know I had to voluntarily submit to every change God had for me. I had to identify my character defects. I had to change my mind about a lot of people, places, and things. I had to turn over all my character defects over to the Lord Jesus Christ one day at a time. I had to learn that recovery is a process and it just keeps progressing because I learned that I had to make the choice to change and to rely on God's power to change me from within. I thank God for my wonderful husband John who does everything in his power to help me. I thank God for both my son and daughter who have submitted themselves to Celebrate Recovery and know for themselves the benefits that they have received from working the steps. We are the better family because of this great Christ-centered program. It's so simple yet it's so profound and it's so humbling to be able to share my testimony about the feelings of guilt and shame. I want to encourage you to never give up. Always get up and never forget that Jesus paid

it all just for you. His blood has given you and me the victory in every area of our lives. No matter what the situation, Jesus is the answer. Stay on the road to recovery. Get real with yourself and you don't have to pretend around people. Work every step and don't sweat the inventory. Jesus will cleanse you from all unrighteousness and create in you a clean heart, a heart of love. The good thing about my life now is I am free. I'm free to run. I'm free to dance. I'm free to live for Jesus and I encourage you to check out Celebrate Recovery because it really is the place where healing begins. God bless you richly today. and thank you for allowing me to share.