Revival of Hope - Renee Cairns: From an Incarcerated Mind to Freedom

So Galatians 5, 1, it is for freedom that Christ died for us. But listen to the next part of that verse, stand firm then and do not let yourself be burdened again by the yoke of slavery. I like the first part, we've got freedom, but then there's the second part, we've got to stand firm, we've got to fight the good fight of faith. And that good fight of faith is up here, and it's in here. And Matt talked about it last night, it's determining ahead of time that when this happens, if this happens, no matter what happens, I'm going to believe that this is true. And that He is who He says He is and will do what He says He will do. So we have to stand firm, and we have to stand firm in our mind, and that is our theme today. It is recognizing the lies of the enemy and replacing them with the truth of the Lord. It says in Romans 1, when we exchange the truth for a lie, that we go into all sorts of dark places. We head into depression, we head into all sorts of confusion, we head into all sorts of sin. But if we would maintain the truth, and we would build our life on the truth, a lot of times we don't realize the fight and the war that we have in here. I know I didn't. I thought everything I heard was right. And I know, Renee, everything you heard, you thought that was the truth. But today you're going to come and you're going to help us be our first speaker and help us start taking that step to freedom. As she comes, I want to tell you a little bit about my friend Renee Cairns. She has preached the gospel all over the place. From eastern North Carolina to Tanzania, Africa, if you don't know where that is, because I didn't. Witnessing God's supernatural power and authority from coast to coast. Yet as she has ministered freedom to so many, she was battling with her own sense of incarceration of the mind and the spirit because of childhood trauma that she had gone into and experienced.

And today, she's going to share her journey of freedom with you. And I know that somewhere in her story, you're going to find your story. And I pray that as you recognize it, that you too will be able to exchange the truth of God's Word—no, exchange the lie for the truth of God's Word. I almost had it backwards. All right. There you go, sweet lady. Praise the Lord. Good morning, everyone. Good morning. Good morning. I thank God for the opportunity to stand before you today and share pieces of my testimony. It's going to be absolutely impossible to talk about everything, and I want to honor the time that Christi has so graciously given me. So I'm going to stick very closely to my notes because when you give a preacher a microphone, they want to preach, right? So anyway, let's pray really quickly. Dear Heavenly Father, we love you, we praise you, we thank you, Father, for the opportunity to come and gather today, Lord, and hear the stories of freedom. I pray, Father, that something that I say today will resonate in the heart of your daughters and your sons and perfect a change in their lives on their journey to freedom. In Jesus' name, amen. You are dumb, you are stupid, and you will never amount to anything. Those were the words that I heard as a child that shaped the trajectory of how I would see myself for years. So you see, the enemy is very, very strategic in its attempt to kill, steal, and destroy. He targets us when we're young because he understands that we're still developing, and we will believe whatever is spoken over us, even a lie. I did, and unfortunately, it shaped the way I thought about myself and how I thought others saw me.

The enemy would drop thoughts, subtle thoughts, in my mind, and I would affirm it by meditating on it, agreeing with it. Then the hordes of hell were released, creating a symphony of attacks against me, with the greatest attack being rejection and deep, dark depression. Proverbs 18 21 says what? Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Words possess the ability to create both positive and negative consequences. Words are seeds that will produce a harvest and especially if those words are bathed with agreement. There is power in agreement even the agreement that we make with lies. I meditated on those words that were spoken over me and they became my normal for see as a man thinks in his heart so is he. I thought I was dumb. I thought I was stupid. I thought Christy I would never amount to anything. I believed in my heart what I was told. I meditated on it and it was manifested in my behaviors. You see I had cyclical patterns of behavior that were destructive. Not only to me but those that were in my circle. There were things that I never ventured out to do because I wasn't smart enough to accomplish them. Those words became voices in my head that held me captive and eventually spiraled me into years of deep dark depression. The negative narratives constantly played over and over and over again in my mind. I was in a mental tormenting prison in my mind. You see as you have already heard a person does not have to be incarcerated to be incarcerated. I was incarcerated not behind physical bars but behind spiritual and mental bars. I had a stronghold Beth in my mind and I was in constant mental warfare especially at night when I would try to go to sleep when things are quiet. Here comes the whispers of the enemy. Remember Renee you're stupid, you're dumb and you'll never amount to anything. What caused all this? I know you're wondering that right? When I was around nine or ten years old I became a victim of sexual abuse for years. The one that was supposed to protect me opened the door for the enemy to gain legal access to me because remember all he needs is access and the powers of darkness dragged me into a deep dark prison where shame, rejection, guilt and fear became my constant tormentors. Even though I didn't open up the door to the enemy somebody else did and this door open gave the enemy again access and legal authority to attack me. So people be very very careful the doors that you open in your home. My perpetrator told me that if I ever told anyone that he would kill me and that he would kill everyone in the home. He instilled such terror and

fear in me so I kept quiet. I didn't tell anybody. For years I didn't tell anybody. And I want to be transparent with you this morning. As a lady was praying the other day she said I see as you're praying a glass, a mirror where you're going to be transparent. So I'm going to be transparent. When I would come home from school in the afternoon on the school bus I would pray Lord please let my momma be home. Please let her be home. And if she wasn't home I'd get off the school bus with my book bag and I'd run to my room and I'd close the door and I'd lock it and I wouldn't come out because I knew he was out there. I remember one time and again I'm being transparent. I remember one time getting off the school bus and running into the house and locking the door and ladies and gentlemen I had to use the bathroom so bad I had to pee. But I was so afraid to come out of that room that my floor became my bathroom. Can you imagine how humiliating that was? More trauma was set in. And then there was another time I got off the bus. Momma wasn't home. Ran in the house. Went to my room. But unfortunately, I didn't get there before he did. And he approached me, and I said, no, please. And he picked me up, and he just threw me. He said, what do you think, that you're too good for me? I said, in my mind, yeah, I'm a child. So there, fear. He left me in that room. He didn't touch me that day, but left me in that room, and I was crying. I was so afraid, and I was angry. Eventually, I mustered up enough courage to tell my mom and my older brother what had been happening to me. And in my mind, mama's going to pack me up, and she's going to leave him, and we're going to go away. But that didn't happen. And I found myself experiencing yet another level of rejection.

She became very cold, short, and indifferent towards me. A wall went up. Why? It wasn't my fault, right? Or maybe it was. Her cold indifference made me wonder, what in the world did I do wrong? Does she love me anymore? She acted like she didn't want me around anymore. So here I was dealing with sexual abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse and abandonment, rejection, and indifference. Oh, and did I tell you, I found out later that my real father denied that I was here, his. So guess what? That opened up the door for an orphan spirit. So to add to the trauma I was dealing with at home, I dealt with bullying at school. I felt as if there was no safe place for Renee. It was only by the grace of God that I did not take my own life. I was a very sad, miserable, and unhappy person for a very long time. Beth, it's amazing how much a mask can hide. My friend Beth is here, and she probably knew none of this. But I wore the mask, as many of us have. And we smile, and we do life. But we're broken on the inside. In a million pieces, we are broken. So we wear the mask. I believe the lies that I was not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough.

And then eventually, I heard the words, you're not a good wife. You're a terrible mom. So the narrative continued, creating anxiety and low self-worth. Life went on. And again, there's so much in my story, I can't tell it all. So I'm skipping. At the age of 21, I became an unwed mother to a beautiful baby girl. And when my daughter Crystal was about two years old, I gave my heart to the Lord. And my journey with him began. Eventually, I met what I think is the best man in the world. I married him and started the next chapter of my life. But the narrative continued. Even on our honeymoon, believe it or not, I spiraled into a deep pit of depression, which left him confused and bewildered and upset and afraid. While raising our family, because we went on to have two beautiful daughters in a five-year span, while raising my family and serving in ministry, the narrative continued. Behind every achievement, behind every smile, behind every sermon, because later I became an ordained minister, the narrative continued. During the early years of parenting our children, I would love on those babies. I'd get in the floor and just kiss on them and sing to them.

Even when they were in my womb, I would lay my hands over them and declare the word of the Lord over my children. So when they came forth, I just loved on those girls. I loved them so much. But when they got a little older, around the age of nine or 10, I began to shut down, emotionally shut off. I could not show those little girls the nurturing and the warmth that they needed. They watched me live out the word of God through times of deep withdrawal. And unfortunately, they didn't know what was wrong with mama, so they translated it as me being angry and mad at them. So that left scars and wounds in them that the enemy then began to. taught me with that. See I told you you weren't a good mama. I eventually went to see a therapist and the therapist helped me to recognize that it's a possibility that when my abuse started was the same age that they when they became nine or ten years old something in me triggered and I began to shut down. For years I cried out to the Lord in desperation, Lord what in the world is wrong with me? I remember even praying God save my children from me. Please Lord help me God what is wrong with me? I'm so tired of being trapped. I'm so tired of wearing the mask. I'm tired Lord. I even told the Lord one day and I shared this with my one of our son-in-laws. I said Lord either heal me or take me home. I'm tired. I was a prisoner in my emotions and I desperately wanted to be free. Through all the years of being trapped in my mind I continue to pray. I continue to read my Bible. I continue to travel all around. I was asked to go to Trinidad to do a women's conference. My husband and I was asked to go to Tanzania, Africa to minister to the pastors and their wives. So I was traveling and doing the work of ministry. I sang in the choir with my friend Beth. I was on the praise team. I helped start different ministries in the church but the whole time the narrative continued. But the Word of God was my foundation and when I found myself falling into deep areas of depression I fell into the loving arms of my Lord and my Savior and I would cry and I would weep like a

baby saying Lord would you help me. One morning while I was waking up I heard in my spirit this is no more than sorrow of heart. Where had I heard those words before? So I grabbed my Bible and began to search the Word and I landed in Nehemiah chapter one and this is talking about Nehemiah who was the cup bearer for King Artaxerxes. So Nehemiah was handing the cup to the king and the king said Nehemiah why is your countenance sad being that you're not sick? He said ah this is no more than sorrow of heart. The definition of sorrow of heart a profound emotional pain grief or distress felt so deeply within a person's spirit their soul. A heavy despondent feeling that can be so intense that it leads to a broken and contrite spirit. So I believe the Lord was revealing to me after all those years of prying out and praying Carly all those years God what is wrong with me I want to be free. I believe the Lord was revealing to me the root of my pain sorrow of heart broken spirit rooted in a soul wound. Psalms 121 says in my distress I cried unto the Lord and he heard me deliver my soul O Lord from lying lips and deceitful tongues. For years I believed the deceitful lies of the enemy. I cried and cried and cried out to the Lord for understanding for deliverance. I cried out to the Lord to silence these voices and these thoughts in my head that were resonating in my head. He heard me and he answered me Christi and then he began to take me on a journey of healing and freedom. He healed my broken heart and he bound up my wounds just like he said that he would. You see God's timing is not our timing but the word promises that all these things will work together for our good and for his glory and I am confident of this very thing that he that begun a good work in me he that has begun a good work in you is faithful to complete it until the day of Jesus Christ amen and I promised that I would stick to my notes. In all those years of silence God was pinning a magnificent beautiful story of redemption restoration and freedom. During my journey to freedom the Lord encouraged me and he gave me instructions out of his word. He said Renee the Lord is with you and he is with you and he is The weapons of your warfare are not carnal, but they're mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of Christ. He told me to bring those thoughts captive,

incarcerate them under the power of the word of God. I learned that every thought that you do not take captive will take you captive, and it will hold you in a prison that you don't want to be in. Rene, set your mind on things above, not on the things on this earth, not even the things that is causing you this deep pain. Keep your eyes on me. He said, Rene, think about those things that are honest, that are pure, that is holy. Those are the things that I want you to meditate on. Rene, forget those things that are behind and press. God, there is a blessing in the pressing. Ladies, press into God and watch him do it. Forget those things that are behind, for I know the plans, Simone, that I have for you, plans to prosper you, to give you a hope, and not only a hope, Simone, but a future. Rene, I will keep you in perfect peace if you would just keep your mind on me. See, we don't have to keep ourselves in peace. All we admonish to do is to keep our mind, and he who is the one that will give the peace. Rene, be not conformed to the things of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. Meditate on my word. Align your thoughts with what my word says about you. Remember, agreement with a lie binds you. Agreement with the truth frees you.

I'm gonna hurry up. Rene, you are accepted in the beloved. I have redeemed you, and you are mine. I am your good shepherd, and I am restoring your soul. God took this broken and wounded vessel and began to transform her for his glory. So this is my victory story. God set me free, and he is setting me free. The enemy still brings tormenting thoughts, but I made a decision that I'm not gonna meditate on those thoughts anymore. I'm gonna take the power of the most high God, and I am gonna cast down those thoughts, because they come to try to torment me again, but I refuse to be ensnared by the weights anymore, and that sin that would try to so easily beset you in. No longer will I do that. I am no longer ignorant of Satan's devices. I will no longer allow him to ensnare me with his subtle tricks, because you see, the enemy doesn't have any new tricks. He used the same thing over and over again, but what I'm finding out, he doesn't need any new tricks, because the old ones are working just fine. Okay, I see you, Christy. I see you. So God is calling you into freedom, calling you out of the dark places that have held you captive. It's time to come out of Egypt

and go into your promised land of freedom. So do you wanna be free this morning? Number one, set yourself to seek the Lord and don't give up, because the word says that you will not... What did the word say? I'm sorry. You will reap if you faint not. Amen. Psalms 107, 19 through 20 said, Lord, help. They cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent out his word and healed them, snatched them from the very pits of death. Number two, forgive and release your perpetrator. Don't let bitterness and anger accumulate in your soul, for it will poison you and make you even more vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy. Matthew 6, 14 says, for if you forgive men their trespasses, God will forgive you. But if you don't forgive them, he will not. That's his word, he will not forgive you. Ladies, I went to my stepfather. After the Lord set me free and began to heal me, I went to my stepfather and I said, Dad, I forgive you for what you did to me. Now, I ask you to forgive me for mistreating you, because as a believer, I had no right to do that.

My mama told me later that he went home that night and he cried like a baby. You know why? He had wounds too. And wounded people wound people. And the last thing I would admonish you to do, renew your mind. Romans 12, one and two. Peter, Paul said, I admonish you brothers by the mercy of God that you. Send yourselves a holy sacrifice and be not conformed. Don't be squeezed into the image of this world, but be conformed by the renewing of your mind. Later, I had to forgive my mom. After she had passed away, I still forgave her and I released her. And then I realized that the last person I had to forgive was myself. Renee, you were a good mom. You did lay a awesome foundation for your children, you and your husband, because guess what? All three of them are serving the Lord today. All three of them are beautiful, have families, and are serving the Lord, and it's because of the foundation. They watched me live out a holy life before the Lord, even in the midst of my sorrow. You are dumb, you are stupid. You will never amount to anything, liar. I am smart, I am brave.

I am a daughter of the most high God, and so are you. Amen. So this next little section, I'm really excited about. We're gonna have what is called a cardboard testimony. Steve, I don't see if there's a stand I could use. Cardboard testimony. I have asked several people from all different ages, all different backgrounds to come, and they're going to be very authentic. I challenged us to be as real as you're comfortable being. The lies that they've heard. You're gonna be all different generations here. I want you to see how sly the enemy is, because he starts young and he does not fight fair. So I hope that you recognize these lies that maybe he's selling you, and then they're gonna flip it over, and you're gonna see the truth of God's word. We are all works in progress. None of us are walking in these truths every single day. It's a fight. It's the good fight of faith. But I pray that these will be a blessing to you. Come on, Miss Margaret. Hey, everybody, I'm Margaret. The lies that I heard and believed was that I was unwanted and I was an ugly duckling. The truth that God is revealing to me today is that I am loved and cherished as his beautiful swan. Hi, everyone, I'm Claire.

The lies that I've heard about me are I'm too weak, I must be perfect, I have no purpose, and my work won't matter. But God says that God strengthens me. I am perfect as I am. There's a reason I'm here, and I am filled with hope. Hi, my name is Victoria. The four lies, sorry, I can't hold it up, that the enemy has told me is that I will always come second, that I will never make it, that I can't do it alone, and that I am unwanted. And the truth that the Lord has told me was that God will never leave me nor forsake me. I am chosen and dearly loved. I am worthy and deserving of his love, and I do have a purpose. Hi, my name is Melissa, and the lies that I've heard from the enemy was nobody wants to be my friend. I am ugly, I am not loved, and I deserve all the bad things that has ever happened to me. God's truth is I will never leave you nor forsake you. I praise you because Melissa is fearfully and wonderfully made. Neither life nor death will be able to separate me from the love of Christ Jesus. And the last one is there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. My name is Debbie.

And I felt rejected. No one will like me. I can't do this. I am not smart enough. I am not worthy. But the Word of God says, I am accepted in the Beloved, in Ephesians 1, 6. Philippians 4, 13 says, I can do all things through Christ. 1 Corinthians 2, 16. I have the mind of Christ. And John 1, 7. 1 John 1, 7. Jesus is sacrifice. Jesus sacrificed. And His sacrifice cleansed me and made me worthy. Hello. My name is Wanda. And some of the lives that I believed is they will always reject you. Everyone will always leave you. You are ugly and you will fail, so why try? But the truth is, is that Jesus was rejected so I could be accepted. God says that He will never leave me nor forsake me. And I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And ladies, that means we are beautiful too, okay? And God says when I am weak, He is strong. Hello. I'm Ivy. The lies I've been told are unworthy, unwanted, forgotten, unlovable. But the truth is, I am worthy, I am wanted, I don't remember what I wrote. I am never forgotten and I am worthy of love. Hi there. My name is Caroline. And the lies that the enemy has told me is that I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not good enough. I'm scared and I'm just existing. But the truth is that God won't let me fail. I was created with intention. God is with me and I've got purpose. Thank you. Hello. I am Monica. And the lies that Satan told me, you are worthless. You are all alone and no one cares. You will never heal from this. This is all your fault. But God has revealed to me, you are God's masterpiece, Ephesians 2.10. God is with you and cares deeply, Peter 5.7. God heals and restores, Psalm 147.3. You are forgiven and made new, Romans 8.1.

Thank you. Hi. My name is Winnie. And my lies are I'm not smart, I'm not pretty, I'm not good enough, and I'm not normal. But God says that I am smart, I am pretty, I am good enough, and I am normal. Now let's play. Dear Lord Jesus, thank you for everything you've given us. Thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ, down to die on the cross for our sins. Help the people who are wearing a mask of blindness take off their mask and see the light, Lord. Thank you for everything you've given us. Thank you for gathering these people around us. And help us surround ourselves with good people and block out the negative. Amen. Thank you for watching our broadcast. Are you an incarcerated brother or sister who needs encouragement? Write to us at Victorious Living Correspondents, P.O. Box 2751, Greenville, North Carolina, 27836. Or email us at hope at vlmag.org. To view Victorious Living Magazine in its entirety, please have your chaplain contact us at 352-478-2098. Or email us through our website at vlmag.org. We are happy to provide our Victorious Living Magazine free of charge, in bulk, with or without staples.