Presence + People | Crossroads Daily

Hey, I'm Chuck. I'm Kirsten. I'm Chris. I'm Alex. And we are here talking about 1 Timothy 5 today and there's a whole lot of widowing happening in 1 Timothy 5. Yeah, I'm confused. So many widows. Well, think about it this way. So Paul, I feel like in this chapter, Paul is really giving Timothy, remember Timothy's a pastor, right? Paul is in coach mode and he's saying, hey, here's practically how to deal with the care and needs of the church and a big one was the care and the needs for widows, right? So we know that that was a high value in the early church, but think about it. How many young widows would there have been in the first century when Rome could conscript your husband for war before penicillin, right? Right. There were lots of young widows. Yeah, and there were also older widows. And I think what Paul was saying was from a prioritization standpoint, Timothy, I'd be really choiceful around supporting young widows because they're likely to get married again. And if they're not doing something that's productive and they're getting to benefit from the generosity of the church, it just creates some challenges. And really, I want you to focus primarily on taking care of the older widows.

And so it's a very pragmatic reason why Paul is saying that. It's super interesting. Yeah, just the time and space that they were living in. So, you know, for us, I think the same is true for us. I mean, I think there's lots of people who are watching and who are here who, you know, you might be a widow. You might be a young widow. You might be an old widow or widower. And also lots of people who either haven't been married, don't have kids. So there's a wide range of people who are in our community. And I think if there's one thing that's consistent that we can all apply is Paul is basically saying whatever your faith is, the people who you call family should be experiencing it the most. Yeah. So question for us is who in your life regularly gets the leftovers of your time and your energy? Who is that person or people? I hate that question. Feels like, why would you expose me like that? Probably because you're not alone. That's right. Oh gosh, I, well, I think about like my husband and my kids. Like when I get home, I mean, I work full time and my job is largely pouring into other people. And so oftentimes I'll get home and I'll already be on empty and that just sucks for them. But also sometimes vice versa, because of the stage, my family, like I have a young family.

I also think that sometimes I could go into work feeling like I'm on empty. And so sometimes it's hard to even balance of like, is someone always going to be getting my empty? Because if I'm like pouring in more at home and it was a chaotic morning or frustrating morning or whatever, and I feel like I gave everything there. Then at work is someone I'm meeting with getting an empty version of me. Yeah. One of the hardest things for me to hear is something that my wife said to me a couple months ago. And she said, Chuck, I feel like I always have to compete for your time and attention. And man, that was like, I'm not doing something right. If my wife is saying that to me and I've really been working and I've really been wrestling with that. Like what, how do I, I don't want that to be her answer. So, you know, it's like what, what does it look like a year from now for her to not feel like she's competing for my time and attention? Yeah, I do think that far too often her and the kids get my leftovers. They do. Yeah. My mom came to mind first and she like recently has come back into our life. Like fully we had a spurt there for a few years where boundaries were set of like you, we will not communicate if we cannot communicate respectfully, which we were not.

But recently she's been like taking care of our kids and just cleaning our house. Like just such a servant. She's such a servant. Yeah, and it is really sad because similar Alex like I give to my family. I give to my job. My job is very emotional and relational. And so when I get home probably the one person who like does the most for me without anything in return like expecting anything in return. I almost take that way. I take advantage of that. I know she will not care either way, because she almost, and she said this, she's just trying to make up for all the wrong that she did in raising me. And I'm like, you know what? Yeah, you do owe me. And that's like, just so not, yeah, it's like just, it's honest, and it's just a heart change that I have to make with my mom, because Jesus's grace says, you owe me nothing. Forgiveness is forgiveness. And I owe her that, actually, versus what she owes me. And so, she, I just have to think through ways that I can give her more of myself. And I mean, she just wants to be around her daughter more, and her grandkids, and so, yeah,

that's who came to mind for me. Yeah, most of my life, I'd be blown away to hear that this would be my answer now to who gets the scraps, but I would say friendships. Wow, yeah. I feel like that was such a huge part of my story, was like, and the Lord has gifted me with so many good friendships and brotherhoods in my life. And I feel like, as I started to have different priorities come in, work and family, I feel like stuff started to shift around. And it almost felt like, well, I've done my time with this part of my life. Like, okay, I don't need the guy for, you know, I'm past that stage. And I feel like I just see the whole, when consistent friendship isn't in my life, and feel free to challenge me on this. Like, I know, I mean, when God is creating the world, and he says it's not good for man to be alone, he's talking about marriage in that sense, but I also think he's talking about friendship. Like, there's people. And, but it's easy for me to be like, well, I'm set with my family, and my people, and my work, and so I don't need that. But I see the gap, and I feel like I've not been a great friend in a lot of ways. Man, I want to encourage you in that, because I will tell you, you're absolutely right.

When God says that it's not good for man to be alone, yes, that's a reference to marriage, but also that is true in the human sense of the word. And particularly for guys, I mean, this is a bummer when I think about it. My dad never left the house to go hang out with a friend. I never knew my dad to have friendships. And my guy friendships are so vital to my life. And I've learned, this is part of my journey, I've learned there's an aspect of intimacy. I'll use that word. There's an aspect of relationship that I'm not supposed to depend on my wife for, that I'm supposed to get from the company of other men. And so I just want to affirm you in that, Chris, that not only is that something worth prioritizing at every phase of life, but I think there's a uniqueness that we get from the company of brothers, and I'm sure for women too, for the relationships you have with other women that you're not supposed to get from your spouse. It's not meant for your spouse to cover all of your emotional needs. In fact, I think sometimes we get into trouble when we think like, oh, I need a spouse to cover all my emotional needs. Like, that's not gonna happen. That person doesn't exist. Whoever that person you think is, they do not exist. And there's a power in community outside of that.

My husband talks too much during my rom-coms. I just, I can't, I can't invite him. I mean, just to put a fine point on it, right? I can't invite him. I would never do that to you. You wouldn't. Look at this. You gotta talk through the rom-coms though. That's like, that's part of the banter. Does he talk through them, or does he have a lot of questions? He says too many things in general. Just don't talk. No, we just need to enjoy it for what it is. Just smile and be happy. Yeah. I think the widow thing actually hits close to home for me right now, because our neighbor, we live in a condo complex in the condo right next to us. She just lost her husband a couple of weeks ago. And so she is a literal widow. And that question about like, who's getting your, like the empty version of yourself, that's even hard because I feel like, well, I want to pour into my family and I want to be a good friend and I want to be a good mom and I want to be a good sister. And do I have time to? Care for the widow.

Care for the actual widow who is right next door to me. And I actually find it hard sometimes, like I said, is someone always getting the empty version of me? I think I have sometimes a hard time picking and choosing because I don't think I can be the best version of myself for everyone who would, I would actually want to give all my time and attention to. So I think that's really hard. Yeah, it is hard. But I'm glad you landed on that because I think that's really important for us to understand that. The other thing that Paul is describing with Timothy and the reason he's getting into these specific. is because the church functions like a family. And so my family, I think about it from the lens of Jesus, my family isn't just the people that I share DNA with, or the people who I had a wedding vow with, but you guys are family to me, as are widows in my family called the church, as are single people, or people who are incarcerated, like wherever people are, they're family, and I think all of us are called to love our families. So I do think there's a part of this that we just have to take to prayer, and just say, God, today, where is it that you might be calling me to spend energy that I'm not spending it, and just be open that. If God's calling you there,

then he's gonna equip you with the energy and the perspective and what you need to do that well. So let's step into that. Let's ask God today, where can I go and love my spiritual family? Yes, God.