Small Choices Add Up | Crossroads Daily

He also redeemed our name, right? Like, my name means something different in spaces that I'm not even in. That's better, what does it say? It's better than fine perfume, you know? It's kind of like a fine perfume. It leaves like a cool fragrance from wherever you've been. But you don't call out too, like, if you feel like you don't have a good name, they don't have to stay that way. - Yeah. - Right. - That's good. - Yeah. - Good name's perfume of bad name's like a fart. (laughing) - I don't recommend that. - I don't wanna wear that. - Yeah. - I'm sorry. (laughing) - This is the Crossroads Daily. No experts, no perfect people. Just honest conversations about what happens when the Bible shows up in real life. (upbeat music) - Welcome to Crossroads Daily, I'm Caleb. - I'm Niko. - I'm Vivian.

- I'm Zach. - This whole week we've been going through the book of Ecclesiastes and we're in Ecclesiastes chapter 10 today. The book of Ecclesiastes is known as wisdom literature in the Bible. It's full of a lot of wisdom. Sometimes we need to squeeze it out by talking together. That's what we've been doing this whole week. Chapter 10 is sort of just like, boom, why saying, boom, why saying, boom, why saying. And I just wanna give you guys the open space to share one and why it applies to you, why it sticks out to you. While you're looking at it, I'll share one that stuck out to me. It's verse four, chapter 10 verse four, it's actually the second part of verse four. Calmness puts great offenses to rest. - Oh, that's good. - The way that I react can either escalate a situation or de-escalate a situation. - Yes. - I shared a couple days ago that I was super late yesterday to pick up my kids, take them to cross country. And that caused a little rift, a tiff with me and my wife. And she rightfully was frustrated. And I unrightfully responded an anger, which is, I was the one wrong. Like, why would I, I was just defending myself. I mean, I got to recognize the patterns. I need wisdom. This is why I'm here.

I'm not here 'cause I have wisdom, I'm here because I need wisdom. And I should have read this yesterday. Calmness would put a great offense to rest, right? If you react calmly, quit thinking about yourself, man, I'm back to the selfishness thing. Actually, I could hear that. I could receive that feedback from her. Whether is given in a perfect way or not, I could receive it, and then we could move forward. When I said I made it worse by like, man, dude, you know what I mean? - That's so real. This is wild. So this reminds me of, one of my former careers is probation officer, which everyone guesses. (laughing) - Everyone guesses. - Right. - Such a common career. - Yeah. - Somewhere, man. - Right. (laughing) - So some of you are like, that guy looks familiar. Maybe that's why. But what that makes me think of is like, there were so many times where there, as you can imagine, in the probation office, there were some big feelings, you know,

and people got mad. And it was a big part of my job was de-escalation. And it was really easy for people to get really upset. They had all these things the judge ordered them to do, and they're like, I can never do this. So a big part of my job was like noticing where people were at, and instead of starting to scream back at them, which, if we're gonna do a screaming match, I'm gonna lose. You know what I mean? I'm not a super aggressive, you know? That's probably why no one thinks that was a probation officer. But I think there's something about the de-escalation. There's something responding in calmness that made the situation not go from bad to worse. Like was it actually a good group? - Is that like the number one de-escalation tool, like just the way that you respond? - For me, it was. People have different methods, but that, for me, that was the biggest thing. 'Cause like, there's something about the way, literally the tone and the volume that you talk to someone, they instinctually want to match it. So if you're starting to yell, they're gonna yell too. But if they're yelling and you're talking like this, there is-- - It's gonna bring 'em down. Something happens. - Wow. - Especially with the assertiveness

and why you're speaking in that. I can recognize, 'cause I was a life coach at City Gospel Mission. - Okay. - And we would have, we're in the business of dealing with difficult people. - Yep. - And we would have so many meetings and people would have so many different experiences with the people that we were serving. And I didn't even notice it, but the team noticed it. Just kind of the way that I would also approach situations like that. Also, I didn't feel threatened, you know what I mean? In those situations, whereas maybe some of the team, they would see some of these antics and feel threatened to respond. And so, I don't know if it's because, I don't know, I kind of pivoted from that way of viewing it. pretty much anybody else on our team. So that's one piece of wisdom. What other wisdom, it could be from this chapter. You can even open it up to other chapters that we've read. This book is full of wisdom. We can't even cover it all. What else sticks out to you guys? Well, one that sticks out for me, it was in 775, and it says, "It is better to heed the rebuke of a wise person than to listen to the song of fools." And I think that idea actually it's woven through some of the other chapters as well. And what that makes me think about, there needs to be people in my life that are willing to share maybe the tough things with me and not just put people in my life that are yes men or yes women who are going to be like, "Yeah, you're great." Because I know someone who had been a friend for a long time and so she has the opportunity to actually see the patterns in my life. Got the wisdom. Yes. And so as I was maybe, as I'm sharing about a particular situation, she reminded me, she goes, "This seems like this

is a pattern that we've seen before that you've been through before." It was like, "Ugh." But she, because we have a trusted relationship, I knew she was sharing it in love. And so she was like, "So, let's think about how you handled it last time and what helped and what?" And actually, her wisdom helped me to navigate through something that I had kind of forgotten that that thing had happened before. And so that reminded me that, "Yeah." And when someone's going to say something that's hard, I need to just de-escalate and make space so that they can feel comfortable saying that to me rather than kind of ramp up and then give signals that I'm not open to hearing it. Fantastic. Yeah. That's so good. That reminds me of Chuck's message recently, that friction aspect of the friendship. You need people that's willing to do that, but you also have to be willing to receive that. Yeah, that's right. I'm also in chapter seven. Actually, verse one, "A good name is better than fine perfume." And I think for me, I'm reminded of even as I was going through the process of being onboarded to crossroads, I would catch wind of just different rooms that my name was brought up in. And it was always an honorable conversation. And I was talking to Chuck and I'm like, "Man, one of the things that I've recognized, bro, is when God redeemed us." He also redeemed our name. My name means something different in spaces that I'm not even in. And then that has really kind of played a huge part into the path set before me. And I don't know. So just sitting in that verse is just a reminder of the way you live your life. And as you're just pursuing God and wanting to be more like him, it's like that leaves traces in rooms. And as people who have conversations around that, that's better. What does it say? It's better than fine perfume. It's kind of like a fine perfume. It leaves a cool fragrance wherever you've been. But don't call out too. If you feel like you don't have a good name, that doesn't have to stay that way. It hasn't always been that way. He redeems every aspect of you. Good name's perfume. A bad name's like a fart. I don't recommend that. I'm sorry. No, but I mean, thrilled. I know there's people watching who feel like my name does not smell good in people's noses. But you can start making changes. Right. I mean, it's difficult. Yeah. But take the step you can take. Yeah. Right. I like that. What do you think? Yeah. I also pulled from Ecclesiastes 7. It was a seven. What's a banger, man? Yeah, there's all kinds of good stuff in there. Honestly, one of the things that stuck out was 710. Do not say why were the old days better than these for does not wise to ask such questions. I feel like there's a lot of boomers on Facebook that need

to hear this. This is one thing that it does bother me is I've had people say to my face, your generation doesn't know. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's just like that thing. And like, first of all, what do you mean? I'm just a guy. But I think there is something to like, I feel like every generation has had this thought that the next generation is going to hell in a hand basket. They don't know what they're doing. and it's not biblically true either. I think also, with the next generation, it's part of your job to curate that next generation. So if you don't like what's coming out of the next generation, you actually have a hand in that. - That's right, yeah. - That's right. I don't know, I think there's something to not just the next generation, but also like, man, it's the Boy Scout rule. Just leave it better than you found it. Like instead of looking back to the past, what can we do for the future? What can we do to make Earth look more like heaven? - Word, yeah, that's a good word. Lots of great wisdom, and there's so, so much more in here. Like, keep reading the book of Ecclesiastes, keep reading the books of wisdom literature in the Bible. There's so much application in there. This is like, choose your own adventure day, right? So like, maybe, like me, you need to learn, calmness can deescalate a situation. Maybe you need to apply that today. Maybe, like Vivian, you need to find a friend that will tell you the truth.

Maybe like Mico. - Name redeemed. - That's right. - Mm-hmm. - Maybe like Mico. Maybe your name doesn't smell great. You can do something about that today. Maybe like Zach, quit looking at the past with rose-colored glasses. We got the forward, and we got the future in front of us. We gotta move forward. There's something for you to do today. I think God's picking your heart, picking your heart with it, put it into action. We'll see you next time. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)