How to Stop Grieving the Holy Spirit | Life in the Spirit Week 2

Well, good morning, Victory Church. How are we doing this morning? Yeah. You guys look fantastic. Per us. Good to see you. Glad you're here. If you're a first time guest, we welcome you. We're honored that you're here. Those of you that may be watching online, we welcome you at all of our campuses. Thank you for joining us today. Couple quick things before we jump into the word. This weekend is prophetic weekend. If you're new to Victory Church, we have prophetic teams. We are a church that believes in the power and the gifts and the fruit of the Holy Spirit. And so we have prophetic teams that once a month after our gathering, minister at every single campus. These are people who've been trained and vetted. They carry a unique gifting from the Holy Spirit and that is their spiritual gift. And so if you're here today and you're one, maybe you're just like skeptical and curious, go see one of our prophetic teams and let them speak a word over you. Let them speak over you, see if they may have something from the Lord for you in a season of your life. And so you'll get more information about that at your campus

as we close the gathering in just a minute. We started our Lent, our season of 40 days of fasting and praying on Wednesday night at all of our campuses. It was a great night at every single campus. The turnout were amazing at every campus. And so we wanna continue to give you resources. And so at your gathering today, as you leave, every door will have a resource that you can put in your hand that looks like this. If you wanna save a tree, you're gonna get the exact same thing over email, okay? So that email will go out tonight at midnight for you night owls, or it'll be there in the morning when you wake up. This is just a framework for the week. So every single day, it'll have something Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, something for you to pray, something for you to think about. And every single week during this season, all the way up to Easter, you'll get one of these every single week. Every single week, we'll put this in your hand. They'll come either on paper if you wanna kill a tree or through your inbox, all right? So if you don't get our emails, you need to be sure you're getting our emails. We're not gonna sell your information. We're not gonna stalk you. We're not gonna overwhelm you with content.

But if you're not getting our emails, you need to stop at the Connect table in the lobby and be sure and get signed up for that. So don't miss out on that. Let's bring our tithes and offering before we dive into the Word today. So in Deuteronomy chapter eight, it says this in verse 18. It says, but you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is he who is giving you power to make wealth. Come on, somebody. Can I get an amen for making wealth? Felt like a prosperity preacher there for a minute. Come on. But he gives us the ability to make wealth that he may confirm his covenant, which he swore to your fathers as it is this day. So if God is the one who gives us power to make wealth and the Bible also says that all the cattle on a thousand hills are his, that he owns everything anyway. So everything we have, all the wealth, all the things, all the possessions that we accumulate and gain, two things. One, they're really his, not yours. And two, he's the one that gave you the ability. If you're a salesman, he's the one that gave you the ability to be a good salesman. If you're a teacher, he's the one who made you a teacher.

If you're a pharmacist, he's the one who gave you the way your mind works. And so the question becomes, how do I honor him for that? How do I thank him that he has given me wealth and given me the ability to make wealth? In Proverbs chapter three, verse nine, it says, "'Honor the Lord with your wealth.'" We honor him with the very thing he gave us, the power to accumulate. So we honor him with wealth, with what? With the first fruits of your crops. You're like, well, I'm not a farmer. Yes, you are too. You plant seeds and you get fruit. So it gives us this beautiful picture of God is the, he owns everything and he gives us the power to create wealth and we honor him, we thank him by giving wealth back into his kingdom with the first fruits. Why does it have to be the first? Because he deserved your first and he deserves your best. And so that's why we give, that's why we're generous, because it's a way of giving back to him and showing him that we know where it all comes from. So let's pray for the offering today. Lord, we thank you for the privilege to give into your kingdom and to be generous with those around us. And so as we come today, we're prepared to give, we're prepared to trust you and to show you, not to say it, but to show you that we honor you.

We honor you, we thank you for the provisions that you give us. So we give God, whether we give online or whether we give in person, whatever that is, Lord, we just thank you for the privilege to be able to do so. In Jesus' name, and everybody said, amen. How many of you were here last week for Dr. R.T. Kendall? It was a great week, it was an amazing message. I had a guy come up to me this week and say, who's preaching this weekend? I said, I am. He said, oh man, I was hoping to have that other guy back. I was like, me too. I was like, I wish I could just sit down and watch him every week and put him on our teaching team. And I walked away from last weekend going, man, we need to have him back every single year, every single year. And then I thought to myself, he's 90. Shoot. So after the gathering last week, I just pulled him aside and we honored him. Like we wanted to take good care of him and just honor him and he said, I said, Dr. R.T., would you consider coming back this fall? And right after church last week, I took him out for a steak dinner. We're sitting there having a steak. And he goes, if you'll give me steak,

I'll come back every month. So guys, he's already booked. September the 26th and 27th, he's coming back. All right, so he'll be back with us September 26th and 27th. And I couldn't be more excited about that. Today we're starting, again, last week started, actually started a new season last week, Life in the Spirit. And I'm honored to continue that today. So if you have your Bibles, turn with me to Galatians chapter five. Galatians chapter five. This will be kind of a foundational verse every week, leading us through the season that I assume will get us all the way to Easter, at least. Verse 25 of Galatians chapter five says this. It says, if we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. And such a simple phrase, such a short sentence, such a short verse, but this will be a foundational verse for us that if we want to have life in the Spirit, it's going to require something of us that we walk in, walk by the Spirit. And this word walk in the Greek is the Greek word stokeio, and it means to proceed in a row, to walk in order, to stay in step. One commentary I saw said that to walk with the Spirit is to walk along the path that He lays down. So He lays down a path and we walk with Him in that path.

And it requires this. If we want to live in the Spirit, we have to walk by the Spirit. They go hand in hand. And so it's an alignment, it's a sequence, it's a rhythm, it's a cadence, it's a relational awareness of this. And if you missed last week's message, it's okay. But you need to go back and watch it. Like, you have to. It's one of my top three sermons I've ever heard in my life. And it's just an incredible word that it makes us think differently. And I had somebody question me. Well, I thought the Holy Spirit was in us and around us and trying to question us. I said, listen, yes, the Holy Spirit is with us. The Holy Spirit is around us. But we cannot ignore the fact of what Ephesians chapter four, verse 30 says, that do not grieve the Holy Spirit. And if you missed it, let me give you a quick recap. He kind of painted the picture of Jesus being baptized, comes up out of the water. The Bible says that a dove, the Holy Spirit descended like a dove and remained on Jesus. So it uses a dove as the simile. And so we must look at the characteristics of a dove if we're going to understand the ways of the Holy Spirit. And one of the things R.T. says that was so impactful is the dove will not adjust to us.

We must adjust to the dove. Then he goes over to Ephesians chapter four, verse 30, where it says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. And so there is this element that the Holy Spirit is like a dove and doves are easily spooked. You cannot train a dove. He compared a dove to a pigeon. Then we must adjust to the Holy Spirit and understand what it means to grieve the Holy Spirit. Last week after church, my family was with me and we went downtown and we were walking in Scissortail Park here in Oklahoma City. And it's kind of funny, my daughter is just like me. Like she is a carbon copy of me, same sense of humor. One of her top spiritual gifts is sarcasm like me, you know? And so she's just hilarious. She's the life of the party. She's a ball to hang out with. And there was a guy in the park that was just kind of acting silly and just kind of walking goofy. He was kidding around, but my daughter started kind of mimicking that guy and kind of walking like him. And my daughter's boyfriend was with us, Boo. And I'm kidding, I love him. He's an awesome kid. He's an awesome kid. Loves the Lord.

He's on fire for the Lord. I love the kid. And like my daughter started kind of mimicking that guy and her boyfriend goes, there goes the dove, you know? Like flying off, there goes the Holy Spirit. And he's kidding, you know? But we've kind of had fun with that all week. If one of us get frustrated, there goes the dove, you know? So we've kind of had some fun with it. But what I want to talk about today and try in some way to tag team with RT Kendall, which I don't even know that I'm worthy to do, but he said something last week that really sparked something in me that I want to try to continue the conversation. And he told a story last week about a pastor, a young pastor that as RT was taking the stage, the young pastor said, what's an old timer like you got to teach a young buck like me? And RT said back to him and it pierced my soul. He said, here's my advice. Find out what grieves the Holy Spirit and stop doing that. And so it just kind of took me back thinking, okay, what does grieve the Holy Spirit? And I need to become an expert at this. I need to become ninja-like in understanding what grieves the Holy Spirit. And that's what I want to talk about today. The title of the message today is

how to stop grieving the Holy Spirit. So let's pray and then we're going to dive into the word. Lord, thank you for this time, this gathering, every soul represented, every soul that will hear this. God, I'm humbled by that. I pray that you would give me the ability somehow to just convey what your word says. I don't know that I'm worthy of that, but I just want to be a clear representation of what the word says. So God, give us ears to hear, give us eyes to see what your word would say to us. The only source, sermons don't change us, Lord, your word changes us. And so God, may your word come forth in clarity, Lord, and change us all from the inside out in Jesus' name. And everybody said, when I was growing up, my dad was a pastor and I would hear my dad say from the stage, my dad's here, and I would hear my dad's from the stage, not just a little boy. And we would say things in vernacular, like you may have heard it said, don't quench the Holy Spirit, quench the Holy Spirit. And I always thought that that means I need to get out from under the pew, because I was picking gum off the bottom of the pew and I need to like sit down and straighten up because I don't want to do anything that would keep the Holy Spirit

from operating in the moment. And I think it can mean that, I'm not knocking that, I think it means that. But R.T. read us this passage and I want to read the whole thing for you. In Ephesians chapter four, verse 30, it says this. It says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. And then it says, let all bitterness and wrath and anger, clamor, slander, be put away from you along with all malice. Verse 32 says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also forgave you. So he says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit in verse 30. The very next verse, he lists six things, six things. Now I'm not saying this is an exhaustive list and this is all that can grieve the Holy Spirit. I'm not pretending like I'm an expert in this, but I do know, I do know that Paul says, don't grieve the Holy Spirit and then he lists six things. So these are the six things that he lists. He lists bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice. Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, malice. These are a lot of words that we wouldn't even really use in our common day vernacular other than maybe the word anger. They're very unique words. But one thing I want to point out

as I looked into these this week, the first thing I noticed about all six of these words, they're all relational in nature. They all have to do with how we interact with other people. And it kind of makes sense to me, why? Because isn't God all about people? I mean, the Bible says that God sent his only son to die for us. He's a relational God. He's a generational God. He cares about us individually. And the Pharisees and Sadducees came to Jesus and said, they were trying to mix him up and trip him up. And they said, what's the greatest commandment? Because they were hundreds of commandments back then. And Jesus said, here's the greatest commandments. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself. And so the Holy Spirit is all about people. Think about the attributes of the Holy Spirit. He's the comforter. He's the teacher. He brings things back to our remembrance. He is the guide into all truth. He convicts us in a healthy way, in a kind way. He's the intercessor. He intercedes for us. He strengthens us. He empowers us.

All of these things are relational in nature. And so what we have to remember before we even, we're gonna dig into all six of these today in the time we have, but we have to start with is that the Holy Spirit is never, never indifferent about how we carry ourselves and how we treat other people and how we handle situations. And knowing that everything we do has an impact. on everyone we know. And that at the core is beginning to understand what it means to grieve the Holy Spirit. Before we just go down a laundry list, a checklist of don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, that's religion. At the core of it, it means just love people. Be the hands and feet. We are personal representations of Jesus every day. So that is one of the main ways that we don't grieve the Holy Spirit. Now I tried, I'm not saying that this is right and nothing else is right, but I tried my best to categorize six things into three kind of groups, all right, that I think they fit in. You can disagree with me, it's fine. But three things, and here's the irony of them, and I'm gonna show you the irony of this. So there's six things. I think they can be categorized two, two, and two. Two, two, and two, that makes six.

And this is the way I would categorize them before I tell you what they are, okay? So here's the irony, think about this. Two of the things are things that we carry internally that should be released. Two of the things are things that we release, anger and wrath, that should be restrained. And two of the things, clamor and slander, are the things that we speak that should be silenced. So that really breaks it down, that there's things that we have inside of us that we should release. We also have things that we shouldn't release, but we do. And then we have things that we speak that we should be silenced. And I wanna categorize these into three things. You remember, I had you guys say things with me when we did that season where we had three-word phrases, I was wrong, I'm being jealous, it is well. And this isn't a correlation to that, but they are three-word phrases, all three of my points, and I want you to say them with me together. I'm gonna give you all three of them up front, and then we're gonna unpack them one by one, all right? So say this first one with me, carry nothing toxic. Number two, release nothing reckless. And speak nothing harmful. Sounds real easy, doesn't it? This is one of those sermons that is really easy to preach, really hard to live, okay?

After the nine o'clock this morning, I had people tell me, boy, John, you were stepping all over my toes. And I'm like, trust me, I'm stepping on my own toes while I preach this message. So let's look at the first one, all right? Number one, carry nothing toxic. So Paul gives these two things that he's saying, when you do these two things, you grieve the Holy Spirit. The dove lifts, so to speak, to use the analogy that R.T. Kendall brought last week. And these two things are bitterness and malice. He lists these two things in verse 31, bitterness and malice. Bitterness, to start with, is the Greek word pikreia, and it means a critic, a critic, which means sharply pungent or irritating. A bitter root, that word root is so important, and so producing bitter fruit. In the natural, if you taste something bitter, if I was to give you a bitter piece of fruit and you tasted it, the initial bitterness would be pungent, it would be disgusting. But how many of you know, even after you spit out that piece of bitter fruit, the taste of that lingers? It's very similar in our hearts. We have bitterness in our hearts, and it's a bitterness that lingers. And the way this is described in text, even in the book of Hebrews, I'll read it in just a moment,

it talks about bitterness being a root. So even in the descriptiveness of Scripture, it's telling us if you wanna know what bitterness is like, look at a root, and you'll begin to understand the effects of bitterness. So Hebrews 12, 15 says, see to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up, causes trouble, and by it, many are defiled. Many are defiled. Now let's think about that for a minute. What a root is. I remember the first house Michelle and I bought, we lived there for quite some time, and then along come a day when the toilet wouldn't flush, and we didn't know what it was, and it wasn't my fault, it was somebody else. And so we brought a plumber out, they ran one of those things down, we'll come to find out a root system had came under the house and broken through the piping and had clogged the pipes. Now what's interesting about that is that root had been growing for years and years and years and years. And that toilet had flushed hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of times. Why that time, that time, of all the times, that time it got clogged. Characteristics to roots. One of the characteristics is that they grow very slowly.

And this is a picture of how bitterness grows in our heart. And the trickiness of bitterness is every one of us right now are thinking of someone else in our lives that's bitter, ignoring the own bitterness in our own hearts. And that's the trickiness about bitterness is that it grows so slowly that you don't even recognize that it's there until something in your life gets clogged. And so we have to recognize bitterness. And that's what Hebrews is saying is don't let it grow up. Don't let that bitter root grow up. How many of you have ever gone out to your garden, your flower beds, and there's some weeds that come up real easy, and there's some weeds that if you leave them long enough, that root system grows strong enough that it's a lot harder to dig it up. You gotta go get a shovel. You can't use your hand anymore. And that's what the author of Hebrews is saying. He said, don't let it grow up. It's a lot easier to pull up when it's young. And this Greek word that we looked at, it says that it's a bitter root, so producing bitter fruit. So every root system is going to have an impact on what fruit the tree produces. So something that's under the ground, think about the illustration or the analogy of this.

Something that's under the surface that no one can see can impact the fruit that everyone tastes. And this is what bitterness does in our life. Something that we hide deep in our heart that no one knows is there, it will come out. And Hebrews, the author of Hebrews says, let no bitter root grow up, lest it defile many. How could a tiny root under the ground defile many? Well, because whatever's in your root system will come out in the fruit that you produce. And one tree can produce thousands of apples, but everybody who tastes that apple tastes the bitterness of the root. And so Paul is saying, listen, it grieves the Holy Spirit, grieves the Holy Spirit. And then he ties in it with this idea of malice. What is malice? That's not a word we use. Malice in the Greek is the Greek word kakia, and it means ill will. Malice is wickedness that is not ashamed to break the laws. It's an inner desire to injure. Bitterness is an inner hurt. Malice is internally hoping that you get to hurt them too. Malice is when bitterness comes to fruition and there's action. If you don't know what malice looks like, malice is probably something that you've thought before, maybe even said, this is what malice says. I hope they get what they deserve.

Something harmful happens to somebody and you're like, they deserved it, they deserved it. It's this inner part of us. Malice is this internal hatred that has learned how to behave in public. It's on the inside and we all have it. It's like when our rival at work has a bad day, internally, we would never publicly say it, but internally, we're like, yes. And Paul is saying, this grieves the Holy Spirit. And that's the tricky part about the Holy Spirit is no one else can see bitterness and malice in your life, but the Holy Spirit can. Because he sees our heart, he sees our heart. In Proverbs 4.23, it says, watch over your heart with all diligence. Yes, from it springs life, but also Jeremiah says, your heart is deceitful among everything else. So we must be the masters of our heart and recognize it and see it when it's happening. Because bitterness, I believe, this is just my opinion, but I believe that bitterness and malice are uniquely offensive to the Holy Spirit. I think it's because they are in direct contradiction with the nature of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is about unity and grace and forgiveness and correction. And so when we harbor malice and bitterness, it is in direct contradiction. And these two inner conditions,

they collide head on with the Holy Spirit. And we just need to know that, we just need to know that. And we need to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal that in us. We may be sitting here going, I'm not bitter. I'm not bitter, can't think of anything. And then later on, we bump into somebody and I'm like, I hate that guy, I hate that guy. That is a seed of bitterness. And you need to pluck it up while it's little. Paul says, get rid of this. Let's get rid of this. Don't let it produce fruit in your life. So we release bitterness quickly. We do not rehearse the pain of it. Don't rehearse the pain, okay? Next, let's go to number two. Number two is release nothing reckless. So it's interesting that with bitterness and malice, he's saying, get rid of it, release it, release it, release it, release it, release it. And then Paul gives these other two categories that grieves the Holy Spirit when we release something that should be restrained. And these two things are anger and wrath. These are two things that we are quick to release. We don't wanna release bitterness, but I'll release some wrath. So anger, this word anger in the Greek, let's look at it. It's the Greek word, orge, it means a movement or agitation of soul, impulse, desire, any violent emotion.

Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 7.9, he said, do not be eager in your heart to be angry, for anger resides in the bosom of fools. Now, this is really important. Leave that up on the screen for just a second. I think the most important part of this verse, because I'm gonna unpack anger a little bit, because this is a really strange dichotomy that I wanna show you. I believe this is important because it says, anger resides in the bosom of fools. If you look up this word resides in the Hebrew, it means to make a home, to camp out, to stay, to remain. The reason that's important is because this is a bizarre, bizarre. Okay, so in Ephesians 4.31, Paul says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit, get rid of all anger, okay? Back up like four verses. Is Paul bipolar? Because look at verse 26 of the same chapter. Be angry, but don't sin. Be angry, but if you are, you grieve the Holy Spirit. Like he says, be angry, but don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your anger and do not give the devil any opportunity. Did you know that Jesus was angry? A few times Jesus was angry. One time in Mark 10, there was children coming to Jesus and the disciples were like, get the kids away.

And the Bible says that Jesus became indignant. He became angry at the disciples for not letting the children come to him. In John 11, with Lazarus, the Bible says that when Jesus got to the tomb of Lazarus, the Bible says that Jesus was angry. He was angry. Like this was an emotion that Jesus, listen, the man who never sinned, never sinned, was angry. What a strange dichotomy. He called the Pharisees a brood of vipers. Perhaps the most perplexing one is in John chapter two, when Jesus was tipping over the tables in the temple. And you can't say he was doing it nicely. Well, maybe he was kicking his left foot up while he did it. It was just, you guys stop, you know, stop doing this. It's not nice. No, it says in that same chapter, it says that Jesus made a whip and forced them out of the temple. So which is it? Can I get angry? Can I not get angry? Paul's like, it grieves the Holy Spirit, but Jesus did it. Well, now I'm even royally confused. This is the way I would unpack this. I would say that emotions in and of themselves are not the issue. Did you know God gave you your emotions? Your emotions are important.

What I would say is that the authority of your emotions is the issue, is what we allow our emotions to drive us toward. James chapter one, let me show you this passage in James chapter one. I love this verse. I think it's a verse to live by if you're looking for one. James chapter one, verse 19 says, this you know, my beloved brethren, everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. For the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. Notice it doesn't say don't be angry. It just says, be slow to get there. Be slow to get there. Is it a justifiable anger? Are you angry at someone for the right reason? Or what is it that's causing you to become angry? There's another proverb in 1632 that says, he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty. And he who rules his spirit, think about that, he who rules his own spirit, who could control his emotions, he is better than one who captures a city. I love this cool biography. He said, angry, anybody can become angry, that's easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way,

that is not easy. Angry, being angry is such a critical thing. Angry, anger that simmers, anger that leads us into justice, to do it in a justifiable way, in a God-honoring way. And then it unpacks this idea of wrath. It moves right into wrath. And this word for wrath is the Greek word, thumos. Now watch this, this is what it means in the Greek. It's anger that boils over. It's explosive release, heat without restraint. Anger simmers and wrath bursts out, it's like a volcano. So wrath is sharp, it's violent, it's revengeful. Wrath turns irritation into catastrophe. And if you need an example of this, if you're looking for an example today, just pull out your phone and pull up your favorite social media platform and look at the comments. There is wrath everywhere. Explosive wrath, explosions of wrath. I believe Paul is telling us to release nothing recklessly. Release nothing with abandon. Paul is telling us that anger and wrath grieve the Holy Spirit. And the Spirit, please hear me, the Spirit is not opposed to emotion, not opposed to emotion. He's opposed to the loss of governance, the relational damage and the inner disorder

that it causes. Remember, the Holy Spirit is relational. He's about unity and grace. So we do things with that in mind. If you really wanna know what the Spirit produces, we're gonna really unpack this next week. If you wanna know what the Spirit produces and if you can really know that someone is in the Spirit and operating and living life in the Spirit, I can't wait to preach next week's message. It's one of my favorites. I can't go there. My line just went there. Okay. The fruits of the Spirit is really what you need to look for because it tells us what the fruit of the Spirit is. The fruit of bitterness is one thing. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness. Self-control. The question is, can you steward anger? Can you steward it with self-control? Anger is not the issue. It's what you do with it that causes the problems. So we steward it well. Dallas Willard, I love what Dallas Willard said. Dallas Willard said that reckless emotional release violates the Spirit's temperament. I like that.

So what is an action step? What can we do there? How can we get better at this? Let me give you some just real practical things, all right? One, slow down your reaction times. Slow your reaction times. Every time I preach a sermon, I get to practice it during the week. It's awful. And I listen to RT preach all day Saturday, all day Sunday. The very next morning, I'm taking my son to school, driving him to school. We get all the way to the school. We're pulling into the driveway, and he's like, I forgot my backpack. I see the dove on my shoulder. I'm like, I got you. Don't worry about it. I'm not, I'm good. I'm good. If I would have reacted with the very first thing that crossed my mind, it would have been bad. I'm just saying, there are times when the best thing you can do is just pause, just slow down your reaction time. I'm going to delay my response. You know what I'm doing? I'm doing James chapter one, verse 19. I'm gonna be quick to listen. I'm gonna be slow to speak.

And I'm gonna be slow to react. I'm gonna be quick to speak. And I'm gonna be slow to become angry. Can you just imagine with me for just a second? Imagine if I could wave a magic wand and make the whole world do James chapter one, verse 19. Can you imagine if every human being on earth was quick to listen, slow to speak? It doesn't say don't speak. It says just be slow. Before you say it and be slow to become angry. It's a cadence to it. My friends, I think this is what it looks like to walk in the spirit, to walk in the spirit, to allow the. fruit of the Spirit to lead me along those paths. Last but not least, we're gonna carry nothing toxic, we're gonna release nothing reckless. Number three, we're gonna speak nothing harmful. This, my friends, is the hardest one of them all, for me. So according to Paul, two things grieve the Holy Spirit and would cause, R.T. Kendall's analogy, for the dove to fly, for the Spirit to not remain. Clamor and slander. Now, what weird words, we don't use these words in our day-to-day conversations, so we really need to unpack these. Clamor, in the Greek, is the Greek word kroge, and it means raised voice, verbal intensity, noise-driven conflict.

This is when we raise our voices. This is when we yell. This is when we have loud arguments. This is when we have verbal intensity. That's a great way to say we fought real bad. We had verbal intensity. Emotionally charged volume. It's raised volume, a raised expression driven by agitation. And clamor is when the internal anger and the unrest, it's what it sounds like when it comes out. And usually, at least in my marriage and in situations where I raise my voice, when volume increases, understanding decreases. At least what I've found. And I've talked to this a lot to men in my circle. I have some men in my circle that we meet every other Thursday, and we talk about this one a lot. And I wanna talk to the men for a second, okay? It applies to women as well, because my wife may be five-two, but she can get up there. She can bring it. So it applies to women too, but I think that as men sometimes, we don't realize the volume of our voices. Like there's been times where I would be arguing or getting onto my kids, and Michelle might say, why are you screaming? And I'm like, oh, I'm not screaming. You wanna hear me scream?

No, I'm not screaming. I got six more levels I could bring. You know what I mean? Like I genuinely didn't think I was raising my voice, but you know what I didn't realize? I'm a six, seven, 240 pound man with a boisterous voice, a deep voice. And let me tell you something, men, even when you're not yelling, it is perceived as though you are. So imagine how powerful it is when you actually do. And I don't think we realize that the volume has a massive impact. It's not just being slow to anger and slow to speak. If you wait five minutes, but still yell, it's still damaging. So we have to understand that we have booming voices. And when we raise our voices, it grieves the Holy Spirit. And it kind of makes sense, right? If the Holy Spirit is like a dove, do you know how easily a dove is spooked? They're so easily spooked. And if the Holy Spirit is like a dove, then, and think about it. When's the last time you've read anything in the scripture and the Holy Spirit screamed? No, anytime the Holy Spirit, it's a gentle whisper. It's a gentle whisper. And so that is our, that's on us.

Listen, remember what R.T. Kendall said, the dove will not adjust to us, we must adjust to the dove. And so we have to, what Paul says, he says, get rid of all clamor, get rid of it. Really easy to preach, really hard to do. And then he brings up this other bizarre word, slander, slander. And look at the Greek word for slander. And then you can see where we get our word from it, blasphemia. Do not blaspheme the Holy Spirit. You know that verse? Blasphemia means injured speech, injurious speech. It's not volume, it's piercing words. It's corrosive language. It's reputational damage by the things that we say. It's using curse words. I think cursing is one of the lowest forms of intelligence. Find a different word. There's nothing wrong with saying the word F, but it's really unintelligent. There's better words. So it's piercing language. So Ephesians 30 says, don't grieve the Holy Spirit, lists all six of them in verse 31. Back up one verse, one verse to Ephesians 29, Ephesians 4, 29. It says, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is.

good for edification according to the need of the moment so that it will give grace to those who hear. This is the tricky thing about our words is that words never stay where we put them. Some of us are carrying words that someone said over us 10 years ago. Someone said something to you 10 years ago. Your father 20 years ago said you'll never amount to anything. You're still carrying that word. It's because it was a piercing word and the words of people have such an impact on us. And we will be hurt by the words of others and then turn around and do the same thing to other people not realizing that what this is called is called slander. James 3, listen to the power of our words. Many of us know this passage. James 3 verse 2, it says, for we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he's perfect. Huh, not me, able to bridle the whole body as well. So it's saying if you don't stumble in what you say, you're perfect. And because your mouth is perfect, everything about you is perfect. Now, if we put the bits into a horse's mouth so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. Look at the ships also,

though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body and yet it boasts of great things. See how great of a forest is set aflame by such a small fire and the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity. The tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body and it sets on fire the course of our life and is set on fire by hell. No wonder the Holy Spirit grieves when we slander because so much of our life is directed by our tongue. And so I say all these things, I say all these things, not because I'm trying to be religious. This isn't some self-help sermon. It's not some psychological breakdown of a self-help. What I'm saying is I'm no better than you on any of these things. I'm trying to figure this out for myself. And if it's true that there are things that grieve the Holy Spirit, why would I not want to know what those are? And why would I not want to come into alignment? Because I don't know about you, but I need the Holy Spirit, y'all. I can't pastor you without him. I can't be a good dad without him.

I can't be a good husband without him. I can't be a good human being without the Holy Spirit in my life. And so if I'm doing things either knowingly or unknowingly that are grieving the Spirit, that grieves me. It might be the mark of a mature believer that if you're not grieved when you grieve the Holy Spirit, something's off, something's off. So what I've been doing and what I encourage you to do, and that's the good thing about the Holy Spirit. He's such a gentleman. And one of the primary roles of the Holy Spirit, thank you, Jesus, is to convict us. And that's not a bad word. That's actually a gift. Conviction is a gift. So what I've started doing is, Lord, as Holy Spirit, if I'm doing anything that's grieving you, will you show me, show me? Is there any bitterness? Is there any bitterness or malice in me? Is there anything, Lord, show it to me. Like, please show me. Is there any anger or wrath in me? Am I stewarding my emotions well? Am I responding in the right way? And let me tell you something, I get it wrong over and over and over, and you will too, but it's this constant recalibrating of my heart

to say, no, let me come back into alignment. Let me come back, come Holy Spirit. Please come back, please come back. Please come back and remain. And so I invite you to enter in, even during this Lent season, even during this Lent season. Lent season is about self-denial and coming into alignment with the Lord over and over and over again. So I invite you to begin to pray that prayer. Holy Spirit, start your morning by the first words that come out of your mouth. Holy Spirit, come. Holy Spirit, come. The next things out of your mouth should be, Lord, if there's anything in me today that grieves you, I want you to show me. I want you to point it out to me. I want you to show me if there's anything I'm doing in my life that's grieving you. I'm gonna pray for you today. Lord, we thank you. Lord, forgive us. Forgive us, Lord. If we have grieved the Holy Spirit, please forgive us. And we say, Holy Spirit, come. Holy Spirit, come. Give us the empowerment to live a life that's honoring to you.

We're nothing without you. We're nothing without you.