From Absence to Influence: Becoming a Hope-Filled Parent from Prison

Hi, Victorious Living Family, I'm Christi Overton Johnson with Sheridan Correa and Julie Sills and BJ is in the house. So BJ is the one who helps us on our social media, he helps put together our videos that we do all over from your headquarters at your house, I might be doing it in my backyard, BJ never knows where mine are going to be taken from. And we're in his studio that he has created so beautifully and allowing us to come in here and have some fun this week, our team's been together doing some brainstorming and we were talking about a topic in our last segment about reclaiming motherhood and what that looked like for these two ladies who had lost their children due to incarceration, due to addiction, due to choices and so BJ, we asked him to come from behind the camera and come sit with us because he was, he finds himself in this story but on a different end. He was a child who was left behind because of the choices of his father and so I just would love BJ to just take a minute because we want to ask some questions, from his perspective of having an incarcerated parent that at one point he was very distant from but in the end was very close to and God did an incredible restoration story and that's what we just want to encourage you that there are children like BJ that are estranged from you right now who one day will call you friend, will call you father, will call you mother and you've already heard from these two ladies how motherhood that they thought they had squandered or lost, God redeemed it and so BJ could you just tell us, first of all welcome to your studio. We're so happy you're here. Thank you for joining us and for being brave enough to hang out with us three crazy ladies. I'll try to get excited, as excited as you are. Yeah, well we've seen you on camera and you are a great communicator and so you don't have to do cartwheels or anything but just if you don't mind just sharing a little bit of your story. Yeah and I come across as pretty objective in my talks and my testimony just because of the things I've seen. I'm like this is what happened and it's wild and miraculous and I'm just here to tell you like this is what happened and you can deal with that. You can kind of deal with the facts of the story and so that's kind of part of where I come from but when I talk to those who are incarcerated, I usually start out with you know I haven't been where you are but I've been where your children are and that usually gets attention because a lot of the people that I meet, they come up and say, oh I wish that my daughters would forgive me the way

that you forgave your father and of course they're weeping and they have this longing for restoration with their families because they're broken. So my perspective is you know I was from 14 years old. My father went to prison facing 76 years at one point and was arrested by the FBI in 1984 for 26 counts of extortion and so you know at the time, I didn't really know what was going on. I knew my dad was in a bunch of stuff so his addiction to drugs and alcohol and gambling drove him to do these things to extort money out of people and he did it by making fake bombs, put them in grocery stores and businesses and would call them up and they would bring him money. He did that 26 times before he got caught and so across three states and so he went away during federal time when I was 14 and we didn't understand kind of what was going on and so it was really dark time. We didn't know where my grandfather was. He had abandoned my father when my father was young so really just a broken situation and I say that at that point I wanted to cut down my family tree. When you look in your family tree, you should see legacy, not felonies, right? And you hope, because you look up to these people, like I wanted my dad to be my hero, but now he's incarcerated. He can't be at all these events. So I think as from someone who, again, on the other side, there's a lot of things my father missed. And I started collecting that record of wrongs, if you will. And so I remember that getting my license, my first vehicle, all the things that you do in high school, then graduating high school. And I had multiple cars and all that. And then going into the military, graduating boot camp. So all these things was a phone call, like, oh, you're going to be out in time to go to this graduation. No, I can't be there, OK? So time after time after time, it was, no,

I'm not going to be able to be there. My court case, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And we didn't understand, again, what was happening, as my dad was being shuffled around from federal time to state time, counties in Pennsylvania that wanted him to serve time there. And so there was a lot of confusion, disillusionment. The bitterness just started stacking up, right? Layers of these things. And then I go on, I get married. And then I have a daughter. And so, now, to be fair, I packed a lot of things into that five-year period, right? And he missed all of that stuff. But here's the thing. My father came to Christ in prison. Like, two weeks in, guys started asking him to go to Bible study, to go to these church services. And he said, you know, if anybody tries to hug me, I'm going to knock them out, right? And I'm like, yeah, I can see that. That was who my dad was, really angry. And there was some expletives in there, by the way. Anyway, but God was pursuing him. And we all know how relentless and gentle the Holy Spirit can be in trying to reach someone. And so God got a hold of my dad. And as radically lost as my father was, he got radically saved. And I saw in him a transformation that, again,

objectively, like, this guy was into a lot of bad stuff. And then he would write us letters. And the phone calls, they were different. And he started praying for his sons and his father, right? Who he didn't even know, didn't even know where he was, if he was alive or dead. And he would pray for us. And that was one of his prayers in prison was, Lord, send someone to minister to reach my sons and his father with the gospel. So that was the beginning of his time in prison. Meanwhile, I'm doing all kinds of messed up stuff, you know, as you do in high school. We were getting into all kinds of things. And believe it or not, I was in a hairband. I was in a heavy metal hairband. Hair? Hair. Hairband. Yeah. You had hair? Well, my joke is that God knew I didn't have a future in a hairband. That's right, you shut that down real quick. Right? So anyway, no, but all the things that came along with stuff like that is my point. But yes, I had hair, lots of it at one point. And we thrashed around like in heavy metal, played bass guitar.

Anyway. Did you make your hair go kind of like all over the place? Wow, how long did it get? His neck's hurting just thinking about it. I'm trying to tell the story. It's not how long. Back then in the 80s, it was how big. OK, true. Did you use Aquanet? Probably. Probably, it was, you know, I got pictures. Anyway, and we won't. Now he's going to insert because he does all this. But we were getting into all kinds of trouble. And so at the time, you know, I really thought, wow, it would probably be helpful or good for my dad to be here at all these different events that he's missing. And so the unforgiveness kind of starts to settle in. So again, just for some perspective, this is what I think kids are experiencing. There's disillusionment. They're confused. They don't understand why your court case is blah, blah, blah, or this is happening. You're moving to this place. You're at this place. Things are delayed. It takes forever, whatever. They don't understand these things.

They just want your time and your presence, right, in their life. lives. And so, you know, I thought that I thought that my father needed to be there during those times. But as it turned out, later, again, I said I got divorced. I'm sorry, I said I got married. I actually soon got divorced after that. So I was going through some really, really dark times. Now my father had gotten out, came to live with me in South Carolina, I was separated. We were going through this divorce. And we he was taking me and I still really wasn't engaged in the gospel. We didn't understand Jesus and forgiveness. And but he was taking me to these revivals like this one summer. And it was called, here's hope, Jesus cares for you. And one night, I finally, after a white knuckle grip on the back of a church pew, when the guy was, you know, explaining the gospel in a way that I finally the light came on, or my heart opened, went home got on my face and said, that's that's it. I'm yours. If you can do something with this record of life, I'll give it to you. So I did. That was 35 years ago now. And my dad was there and I dealt with forgiveness and really learned about forgiveness in that it simply says in Colossians, forgive as the Lord forgave you. So when I realized the forgiveness that, you know, he was offering me that I received, and how much I had been forgiven, in my own wretchedness, I ran to forgive others, ran to forgive my father. And then really just the restoration started then. And as I started to learn and grow, and we hung out a bunch, and it was great. And then he actually went into prison ministry for 30 years after he got out. And we would go back in together, he would go back in, we would go in together. And we just had a powerful time

ministering together for several years. When I was living here, he lived in Charlotte, but we would go to different prisons and speak together. It was just powerful sharing the story. So again, I said he prayed for his sons and his father that someone would share the gospel with him. And so, but God used him to share the gospel with us. And now, years later, my father was in a ministry conference in Florida. He lived in New England, went down to this ministry conference. And the last night he was there, he like opened the phone book, he sees his father's name in the phone book, or he sees a name in the phone book that was the same as his father's, and writes down the number and says, tomorrow morning when I leave here, I'm going to call the number. And so he goes out the next morning goes to a phone booth in town. And he calls the number and says, the guy picks up. And he says, Sir, did you have a son born such and such a date? And the guy says, yes, I did. It was his father. 40 years after my father was abandoned, he gets miraculously reunited with his father. So he says, well, can we meet? You opened the meeting. Okay, where do you live? And so the guy was explaining, my grandfather was explaining where he lived, my father looked up, and here's a the street sign. He was down the street from where my grandfather lived. So he gets in the car, and he goes right down the street, and the guy's standing in his driveway, leaving, and they got to reconnect and had a great relationship for a number of years. And then my father led him to Christ on his deathbed. As he was passing away years later, and this was in the 90s, but just a powerful, you know, again, full circle restoration of three generations that I witnessed. And so that's why I'm really objective about these

things. I'm like, look, this is what happened. We wrote a book about it. We wrote two books about it. And yeah, so the first book that we wrote was called The Hearts of the Fathers. And that tells the whole story, pretty much everything I just said, all the miraculous things that happened in prison with my dad, lots of crazy stories. And then we wrote another book called The Longing for Legacy, which was based on the response we got from that first book. Because all these guys and ladies, they wanted, you know, they have this legacy that they're longing for. But my position is like, hey, you know, here's how to find hope and restoration by leaving your legacy in the hands of a loving God. You need to give your legacy to Him. I'm not saying like, Oh, yes, that's a good thing. I'm saying give it to Him. And let Him restore it. Yes, let Him put it under his story. Not that we're Oh, my story, you know, no, it's under his story. And so that's how you're going to find hope and restoration. So I did a series on longing for legacy, a three part series, it's on our channel, on the tablets. The books, I think, are on some of the tablets, in PDF format. So look for those. And, yeah, yeah. So that's kind of, that's a little bit about my story. What I hear is the word prayer. There's a scripture that says the fervent prayers of a righteous man availeth much. And your dad was not righteous in his own works. He wasn't righteous because he made himself righteous. He was righteous because of his faith in Jesus. And when he put his faith in Jesus, all of his sin, all the things that he had done wrong were, were removed from him. And so now this man with all these extortion and felony charges, all this time that he's

serving, God's looking at him and not seeing a jumpsuit that he's wearing. He's not seeing a father who has failed. He is seeing a man after his own heart. He's seeing the first Corinthians 517 new creation. And your father, the thing we were talking about earlier was having to trust God's timing with you. And so what could he do? He couldn't make you forgive him. He couldn't run out and convince you he was worthy of being convinced, but he could walk with God, live a life that was worthy of the calling, which God says, you know, a person by their fruit. So you were watching the fruit of your father's life. And that you're like, this man's different. His phone calls are different. You can't ignore different. So you don't, if your father tried to convince you, I'm, I'm worthy of your trust. That's not going to fly, but your father proving by continuing to call by telling you, I love you, but showing it also by being faithful, the fruit of his walk with God is what attracted you to God. And I just want to encourage so many of you, you've, you've heard, if you've watched our segment, if you haven't watched it with these two beautiful ladies, go watch that on parent reclaiming that, that motherhood and fatherhood from behind bars. And I'm not sure what we're going to call it. That's why I'm stumbling on my words right now is trying to make something up. Great. But yeah, you'll see our faces go watch it because the power of prayer is the greatest thing that you can do. So often we say, well, all I can do now is pray. Right. And that's the first thing we should be doing and the most powerful thing. Yes. And not stopping. Well, and be prepared that when, here's what I think happens. We pray to God and God's like, oh, okay. Let me, let me think about that request. And you're asking, you're saying, oh, can you

please someone send someone to, to share the gospel? And God looks around. He's like, oh, well, what about you? And so he just uses us, you know, we pray. And so my suggestion, my advice, yeah. Pray for your kids for sure. Let, and be open to what God is doing in your heart. Let him transform you, and develop that character within you, that godly character. He's putting his Holy Spirit in you, and you're going to be transformed and let them see that and share with them what God is doing. As my father did, we didn't understand it. We like, oh, I don't get into that. That's literally what I said. Yeah. And a guy said to me, well, it's not a matter of you getting into it. It's a matter of it getting into you. And so I remember one time, one of my favorite stories. So I saw this transformation. I knew my father had access to a power that I did not have access to. That was the long and short of it, right? And when I got into a dark place, and I was in a very dark place, I knew who to call. And my father was out at this point. And I was, we weren't together. I was in a barracks room. And I remember there was a guy in the bunk above me. But I was so broken. I was weeping. I found a Bible. Didn't know anything about the Bible, really. But I knew that's where there were some answers. So I called my father, who I knew had some answers or had access to this power that I didn't understand. But I needed it. And I knew I wanted it. And that's what I was desperate for. So broken in such a dark place. And I call him up. And here's what I said. I said, through my tears. I'm weeping. I said I have a Bible and I need help. I need hope. What page is it on? What page number do I turn to? It's literally what I said to him. And you know, obviously that's not how it works really, but he helped me navigate through to some chapters and verses that helped me. And you know, now

understanding years later, of course, you know, what page is it on? It's on every page. I have a question. So I'm thinking about my son Tyler and that it, you know, it took a while for Tyler to forgive me and come to a place of forgiveness. But then once he did, it was like it was really complete. And he's been like you and your dad went and ministered. Tyler's come with me to a juvenile facility and ministered. And I'm just wondering, was there, did it take you a long time to find a place of forgiveness for your dad? I mean, I heard you saying that you got to watch his life for a long time and you knew something was different. But, but was there a moment that you can identify where, where you just had this love in your heart for your father and you know, and you're like, that's my dad and I love him. Yeah, no, I think that process can be different for everybody. I think what kind of made it quicker for me, again, was this whole concept of realizing the depth of my own depravity and how much God has forgiven me. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And I was able to see through those offenses and, you know, kind of navigate that. And yeah, but I think that's the key. That was the key for me, that scripture, you know, forgive as the Lord forgave you and really understand what that means. And then I can go to someone else and, uh, you know, and forgive them. Um, when, but here's the thing is that, and so I thought, you know, I understood like in, in that particular way where I had been offended in a certain way and I was able to forgive in that way. And I'm like, okay, God, I got forgiveness figured out. I'm a, I'm an expert at forgiveness. And then God said, well, let me, let me show you another type of offense. Cause there's different types of offenses. Let me, let me get you offended in a different way and then we'll talk. And, uh, so, uh, yeah. And so when you think you have forgiveness figured out, uh, God will allow you to be offended in a different way as he was. He was offended lots of different ways. And so, you know, God just like, okay, let me introduce you to this type of offense and let's see how you do with that. Yeah. And, uh, so I don't know if that helps, but, uh, so again, but you go back to the same thing, forgive us a little, forgive you. Oh God, I, I offended you in that way. Uh, I get it now. Okay. I can forgive that person because right. So there are different

types of offenses so that you got to factor that into the mix. Yeah. Yeah. I heard, uh, Steven Furtick one time said offenses build fences. Yeah. And, and, and walls walking in offense. Yeah. It just, it just blocks. Yeah. I love the story. Your dad, I didn't get to meet your dad. He passed away a year ago, two years ago. And, um, I don't think that I had the opportunity to meet him, but we honor him today because he was a man who while in prison gave his life to the Lord and he impacted the generation above them, the generation below them. And I know that you've raised, you have children, right? You've raised them in the church and grandchildren and grandchildren. So how many gender one, two, three, four generations and down. And I'm sure there's been side to side and cross ups and downs. Yeah. All because one man who was in prison knelt his knee to Christ and that can be you. Yeah. So don't think you don't have purpose. Don't think you don't have hope. Don't think that you can't impact the lives of your family because his father, while he was incarcerated, impacted all those generations. Yes. And today we're sitting on this stage. Think about it. Yeah. We're sitting on this stage because of your father, because you're a believer, which connected us. You're working with this ministry. So many other, not just us, so many other ministries. Yeah. Wow. That we have this set for victorious living because of your dad. We honor. Yeah. Praise God. I love that. So Mr. Emerson. What was his first name? Alan. Alan Emerson. That's a great name.

Alan Emerson. That's a great name. That's awesome. Yeah. That's awesome. That's pretty cool. I have a question. Can I ask a question? I like, I'm so curious and interested in how, you know, our, us, even all of us, right? We have kids, but how our choices, how, how they shape and influence our children and not only their belief systems, because that's how it works. Our experiences, our relationships around us help us to influence and shape how not only we see the world, but even God in ourselves. So how was the impact? What was the impact like for your, of your dad's choices? How did that influence and shape the way that you viewed yourself? Well, I think I knew enough not to make some really bad choices like that that get me landed in jail, I guess. I mean, just, you know, if that's part of it, so I mean, I learned something, I learned what not to do, I suppose. But here, what I think about, as you're asking that question, is, you know, at the end of the day, as parents, you know, what we really, I think, want to do is communicate the heart of the father to our children. Yes. That's what it's about. And I think that's what I saw in my father, like, and I didn't understand it, like, oh, these things, the way he's acting or talking, or just the, a lot of people went at his funeral and said he was so kind to them, and he was, after he, you know, had, after God got a hold of him. But yeah, so I think that's a really important thing, like, we can make a lot of bad decisions

as parents, right? And we get angry or whatever, we just make bad choices, but at the end of the day, if they can see, like, the heart of the father through, whether it's our actions, our words, our consistency, our faith, whatever it is, if they can, like, how we react to situations and stuff, you know, that's huge. But, you know, really, that's been my heart, it's like, how do I communicate the heart of the father to my children, right? Yeah. I don't know if that answers your question. No, it does. It answers it on the other side of it, right, and how we want to renew and reframe that so that it is restorative, even to our kids. But as you experienced what the abandonment, the neglect, the separation of a parent in your life, like, what type of lies, even, did you personalize it? Like, I'm not wanted, I'm not loved, this is deep stuff, I'm sorry. No, just curious, I want to, I hope to be able to show how that influences even the belief systems, how they see their selves, because I know in my story, the choices and the traumas and the really hard and difficult things that I went through as a child, although I didn't have an incarcerated parent, there were many other things, and separation and things are one of them, but in that, it created a belief system within myself that I wasn't wanted, I wasn't loved, nobody cared about me. And so I'm curious about that, because I've seen that in my children also, with my authoring their story of hardship, you know, created in them. Right, right, and I think, you know, I don't know if it's too general to say, you know, we believe that we are not enough, right? And that becomes the lie that, oh, this person wasn't here for me, they're supposed to be, and now I'm confused and disillusioned, and I'm just going to go through life, like, confused, ashamed, you know, you're in high school, and like, hey, what does your dad do? You know, so there's that. So the fear of rejection, I suppose, as a result, but just feeling like you're not enough.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. So. But through Christ, you learn that you are enough. Yeah. Yes, exactly. And everything over the years that has occurred has been amazing, and like I said, some of it's so fresh for me, like, to retell the story, I can barely ever get through it when I retell it. But it was 35 years ago, and all the healing and all the stuff that, you know, has happened since then, you know, in life and kids and grandkids now. So it's an amazing story and one that again I don't think a lot of people get to see that kind of restoration and so I like to share when I can and love being on the team. This is an awesome team. Love everyone on the VL team and what is happening and all the stuff that's happening with the magazine and all the places it goes and all the lives that's being touched and all the stuff on the tablets and all the content that we put out. It's all for you know this it's all for helping others find hope in Christ. So love being on the team. Well thank you for hanging with us. We have a very important date with the thrift store. Yes we do and not just one but two maybe. We are going to skedaddle and bring this to an end but thank you for sharing this space with us. It is gorgeous and giving us your whole pretty much whole day. Thank you very much. Yeah we appreciate what you what you do and what you bring to the team. Glad to be a part of it. There's a lot of dads in prison right now who are filled with hope because of your story. Yes. Good. Pray for your kids. Yeah so we'd love to close out in prayer. BJ you want to pray us out? Lord I just thank you for those watching. Lord you know their situations. You know their hearts. We know that you have a mighty plan for them and their families and it includes restoration. You just love restoration and we just pray for each of those listening that you would just touch them. Move in their hearts that

they might just be receptive to what you're doing and just receive what you have for them. Thank you for their children. Thank you for the desire that they have to see that restoration take place and help them Lord. We know it's going to take time but give them peace and speak to them Lord even today and we thank you for them in Jesus name. Amen. Thank you for watching. Be sure to watch the slides. Share this with your bunkie, your friend, maybe even your enemy. Yeah share it but also don't forget to send it right to us. Send in your prayer requests. Send in the names of your children. Yes. And those loved ones that you're seeking restoration for because we have a whole prayer team. That's all they do is pray with you and pray for you. So thanks for watching and we'll see you soon. Bye-bye. Thank you for watching our broadcast. Are you an incarcerated brother or sister who needs encouragement? Write to us at Victorious Living Correspondence P.O. Box 2751 Greenville North Carolina 27836 or email us at Hope at VLMag.org. To view Victorious Living magazine in its entirety please have your chaplain contact us at 352-478-2098 or email us through our website at VLMag.org. We are happy to provide our Victorious Living magazine free of charge in bulk with or without staples.