Freedom Study - Week 4

Welcome back. We are so glad you've joined us for another week of freedom. I'm Pastor Drew and today I am super excited to be able to teach with my good friend Pastor Ryan McDermott. These past two weeks we've been talking about how to break free from the sins we can't leave. This week and next we're going to talk about how to break free from the hurts we receive. Ever since Adam and Eve's sin in the garden, we've lived in a broken, fallen world. And because we live in such a messed up place, all of us experience hurt and offense. The words and actions of others can wound us in indescribable ways. And if you've ever been hurt or offended, I want to say I'm sorry. But I also want to warn you, if you're not careful, bitterness and resentment can infiltrate your heart and over time you can begin to harbor unforgiveness. And unforgiveness is one of the primary ways that the enemy puts us in bondage and keeps us from living in freedom. So today we're going to talk about forgiveness. Yeah, that's right, Drew. You know, the reality is that each and every one of us, we deal with unforgiveness and it's dangerous. I've heard it said that unforgiven offense is like being shot with an arrow that's been dipped in poison. The initial offense, it obviously hurts, but the aftermath of unforgiveness is actually much worse. Unforgiveness is like a poison that remains long after offense takes place. It seeps into our lives. It taints our thoughts and it clouds our vision. And if it's left unchecked, that poison will eventually penetrate our hearts. It will paralyze our ability to live and to love and to be loved. As Pastor Todd and Julie often say, unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Why? Because I think that withholding my forgiveness will hurt the other person, but in reality, it only hurts me. I've also heard unforgiveness described as a trap. In the Bible, the word offense comes from the Greek word skandalon, which actually means the bait. In that day, when someone wanted to trap an animal, they would put a cover over a pit with branches and they would place a piece of meat, the skandalon, on top of the branches to lure the animal in. So they would go for the meat and what would happen? They would fall through the branches and get stuck in the pit. Don't miss this. Satan uses offense as bait to lure us into the trap of unforgiveness. And by holding onto offense, we think that we are trapping the person who hurt us, but in reality, we are the ones who have been trapped. We are the ones that end up in bondage. We are the ones who are ensnared. So be careful because unforgiveness is the bait of Satan. Yeah, that's right. So let's talk about forgiveness. Why is it so hard for us to forgive? Well, there's a couple of reasons. First, we have a wrong idea of forgiveness. To

truly understand what it means to forgive someone, we need to start by talking about what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not minimizing the offense. Forgiveness is not saying, it's not a big deal or it didn't really hurt. Listen, what was done or said to you was not right and certainly does not reflect God's desire for you. But you've got to forgive the person who's hurt you and let go of the offense if you want to find freedom. Another thing forgiveness is not, forgiveness is not forgetting what happened. Sometimes we think that in order to forgive someone, we need to forget what happened. Can I tell you, forgive and forget is foolish and unrealistic. The reality is we may never forget what's happened to us, nor should we. If forgive and forget is your motto, there's a good chance you might be suppressing what you should be addressing. God doesn't want us dwelling on past hurts, but he does want us to deal with them. God wants to do something extraordinary in our lives. He wants to heal our hearts so that we can remember what happened to us without reliving the pain associated with it. In Revelation 21 5, Jesus says, behold, I am making all things new. Jesus wants to do that in your life. Another thing that forgiveness is not, forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation. We often make reconciliation a requirement for our forgiveness. Have you ever said like, when they apologize, then I'll forgive them? Well, when we say that, what we're actually doing is holding ourselves hostage to the very person who's wronged us because it leaves our freedom up to them. Letting go of offense doesn't necessarily mean that you need to reconcile with the person. The Apostle Paul says in Romans 12 18, if it's possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Frankly, there are times when reconciliation might not be the best choice. Reconciliation is a two-way street. who hurt or offended you isn't ready to reconcile, trying to do so might even cause further pain and disappointment. Can I give you some practical advice? Before trying to reconcile with someone, look for the following three R's. Repentance. Have they stopped doing things that hurt or offended you? Restitution. Do they have a desire to make things right, if possible? And rebuilding trust. Are they being consistent in their words and their actions? If they are, then by all means pursue reconciliation. But if they aren't, simply begin by allowing the miracle of forgiveness to happen in you first. That's really good, Drew. The second reason it's hard for us to forgive is that it doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem fair to let someone off the hook for what they did. It doesn't seem fair to give them forgiveness if we don't think that they deserve it. So we have to remember that forgiveness actually isn't about fairness. I'm so glad that

God didn't use that scale when he considered whether or not to forgive me. I don't deserve forgiveness, but God in his infinite grace, he chose to forgive me anyway. I love this story in scripture. It says this, one day Peter came to Jesus and he asked him the question, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? It's a good question. Seven times? No, not seven times, Jesus replied, but 70 times seven. So Jesus told him this story. The kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars and he couldn't pay. So his master ordered that he be sold along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned to pay that debt. But the man fell down before his master and begged him, please be patient with me and I will pay it all. Then his master was filled with pity for him and he released him and he forgave his debt completely. But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him thousands of dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and he demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and just like he had, he begged for more time, be patient with me and I will pay it, he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn't wait and so he had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. Bible says when some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and they told him everything that had happened and then the king called in the man whom he had forgiven and he said, you evil servant, I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on you? Think about that question. Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. That's what my heavenly father will do to you, Jesus says, if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart. Now I'm not good at math, that's why I became a pastor because I know this, two plus two equals Jesus, all right? But I do know that Jesus told Peter that he needed to forgive 490 times a day. What? That's literally once every three minutes that God asks us to forgive and so in this parable, the first man, he owed the king millions of dollars but when he begged for mercy, the king canceled his debt. As sinners, we too owed a great debt that we could not pay but God showed us great mercy and he paid our debt in full. We have been forgiven of so much and the second man in the story, he owed the first man just a debt of a few thousand dollars. While this is not an insignificant amount of money, the first man was forgiven of a debt that was much greater than that and so in light of the incredible mercy that he was shown by the king,

he should have been ready to give mercy away, give it to the next man and since we have been forgiven of so very much, we should extend what we have received to others. Now if I'm being honest, there are a lot of times in my life where I have chosen to hold on to unforgiveness. There have been a lot of times in my life where I've had to deal with unforgiveness and a lot of times, I get it wrong. We all get it wrong. There was one time I didn't quite mess it up, right? So I was in college and I was saving up to buy a ring to propose to my then girlfriend, now wife, Christine and anytime I would save up some cash, I would put it under some clothes in the top drawer of my dresser. I don't know why I thought that was the best place for it but I did and so after I had saved up a pretty decent amount of money. I went in there one day to kind of add more to my stockpile and I noticed when I counted it that a good chunk of what I had saved up was was missing. Apparently one of my roommates, I lived with like five or six guys at the time, had had taken some of the money out of my drawer and so obviously I was really upset. And my my first reaction, if I'm honest, wasn't very Christian. I was not a very kind roommate. I actually accused some of my friends of taking it and I was frustrated and I was bitter and ultimately like nothing happened. It was it was gone. So a short time later it happened again. Now after the first time I don't know why I decided that I could clearly keep cash in there, right? I didn't move it. I want to after we're done here we're going to go open up a savings account for you, right? Yeah. But I noticed that money was missing again and so this time like before I could get mad or angry or frustrated I heard the Holy Spirit whisper to me like, your way didn't work. You want to try it my way? And so instead like I paused and I prayed and I had not done that the first time. I wanted to hold on to unforgiveness. I wanted to be frustrated. But this time I listened to the Holy Spirit and I paused and I prayed and I ended up like I went to one of my roommates who I felt like might be the guy and instead I just said like, hey man how much do you need? And at first like I could tell he was really taken aback. He's like what are you talking about? And so by God's grace I just said like I love you and I'm with you. You're my friend. If you need something whatever I have whatever I can do it's yours. Just how much do you need? And he started to cry in that moment and he opened up about all the stuff that was going on in his life and what was happening in his family and he was struggling in school and he had just lost his job and he just needed money to help pay for rent you know. And so together we were able to take care of that and so we I had a moment.

I could choose to be offended or I could choose forgiveness and what we know from Scripture what God constantly tries to tell us is that forgiveness is always the better way. It's always the better way. Wow Ryan. I mean praise God. What a powerful story right? But that's what happens when we listen to the voice of Holy Spirit. Now I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking I don't know that I could do that and that leads me to the third reason that it's hard for us to forgive. We don't think we can do it. Ryan and I are sitting here we're talking about forgiveness and you might be thinking yourself guys you don't understand. You don't know the way that this person hurt me. I just don't think that I can forgive them and I want to say that in your own power you're probably right. You probably can't. Fortunately we don't have to walk through life in our own power. Listen to the words of the Apostle Paul in 2 Corinthians 12 8 through 9. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said my grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weakness so that the power of Christ can work through me. See even the Apostle Paul needed God's help and what he's saying here is that when we're weak it's actually a good thing because that's when Jesus does his best work. When we're weak Jesus is strong. Amen. So ask Jesus to help you forgive. The Bible says that he will. Now ultimately forgiveness is a decision. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling and it's a choice we have to make daily. If you're like me you'd probably prefer to wait until you feel like forgiving but can I tell you if you wait until you feel like forgiving you'll never forgive those who've hurt you and the enemy will use that unforgiveness to put you in bondage. But if you dare to believe, dare to believe God and choose to forgive first your feelings will follow your decision. You can choose to live in freedom. Write this down. Choices lead feelings follow. That's right Pastor Drew. Yeah ultimately we need to choose to forgive even when we don't feel like it because God commands us to forgive. Listen to these words from the prophet Isaiah. Come now let's settle this says the Lord. Though your sins are like scarlet I will make them white as snow. Though they are red like crimson I will make them as white as wool. If you only obey me then you will have plenty to eat. This passage actually says that our sins were like scarlet and Jesus made them white as snow. They were crimson and he made them white as wool. Now I want you to note that the end of that passage it says if you will only obey me. Forgiveness is not a suggestion but it is a command. The forgiven we must forgive. Wow the forgiven must forgive. I love that. So powerful. So as we close this lesson today I want us to get really practical. If it isn't open

already pull out your workbook. Yeah. I want you to think of a specific Pick a person who hurt or offended you. Got someone? If you're like me, you might be thinking about two or three people. Just pick one for now. Maybe it was a family member, maybe it was a boss or a pastor, a teacher, a coach, a friend, a coworker, even a spouse. Got someone? I want you to write their name down in your notes. I also want you to write down how they hurt or offended you. Now, the important thing is that you don't let the enemy use that hurt or offense to put you in bondage and keep you from living in freedom. And again, this is where we need to look to Jesus for help. What happened? Were you betrayed by a best friend who lied, a spouse who didn't stay forever, or a confidant who broke your trust? Maybe you were falsely accused, misunderstood, the subject of gossip and slander. Maybe you were rejected by a spouse, a friend, a trusted authority, or even a church. Were you abused emotionally, physically, verbally, or sexually? Or perhaps you're humiliated, you're haunted by an embarrassing moment, you feel ashamed, disgraced.

Don't miss this. Jesus also suffered each of these offenses. Jesus also was betrayed by Judas, a trusted friend and one of his disciples, falsely accused, wrongly indicted in several courts, rejected by Peter, one of his disciples and closest companions, abused, beaten, tortured, cursed and crucified on the cross, humiliated, crucified and disgraced in a public setting. Jesus suffered each of these offenses and did so for a very good reason. Listen to Hebrews 2, 17 through 18 in the message paraphrase. It says this, that's why he had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when he came before God as high priest to get rid of the people's sins, he would have already experienced it all himself, all the pain, all the testing, and would be able to help where help was needed. See, it was important for Jesus to experience all of these offenses so that he could understand every single struggle we would encounter. Now, when we come to him with our hurts, he can reply, I understand. I went through that too. Let me help you. Not only is Jesus able to empathize with our pain, but he also shows us how we should respond when others hurt us.

At his death, Jesus asked the father to forgive the very ones who cursed him, who nailed his hands and feet to the cross, saying, father, forgive them, for they don't know what they're doing. We must follow Jesus' example and forgive those who've hurt us. Like Pastor Ryan just said, the forgiven must forgive. Yeah, hurt and offense will undoubtedly come into all of our lives. So we need to make the same choice that Jesus did. If we love people and forgive people the way that Jesus did, then we will all be on our way to freedom. That's why the apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 4, verses 31 and 32, get rid of all bitterness and rage and anger and harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind and compassionate to one another and forgive each other just as in Christ, God forgave you. That's what we're after today. And so, hey, we've got a homework assignment for you this week. If you haven't done so already, we want you to take some time and write down the names of anyone that you might be harboring unforgiveness towards. That's an important step towards freedom. Don't worry, we're not gonna ask you to share that list with the rest of the people in your group,

but we do wanna challenge you to pray for each of those people by name every day this week. And just begin to ask God to help you love and forgive the people on that list, just as God loves and forgives you. We love you. Let me pray for you. Father, thank you for loving us. Thank you for choosing us. Thank you for forgiving us. And I pray that each and every one of us, we would not fall into the trap of unforgiveness, but by the power of your Holy Spirit, we too could choose to extend forgiveness to those who have hurt and wronged us. This week, Lord, bring people to our minds that we need to forgive. Help us to write their names down, because God, I just believe that there is so much freedom that lies on the other side of forgiveness. And so Father, I pray that you would help all of us to walk in the life and freedom that you have for us beginning today. And it's in Jesus' name I pray, amen.