Fear of Being Alone | 1 Samuel 23

and something doesn't happen? I've stopped praying that way. Not because I don't believe, but now I pray, God, give me what I need to endure this. Give me what I need. So instead of just don't be fearful, the Lord's like, let me just show you some truth things. Let me show you some true things and let me give you what you need to be in the wilderness to suffer well. - That's right. This is the Crossroads Daily. No experts, no perfect people, just honest conversations about what happens when the Bible shows up in real life. (upbeat music) - I'm Arturo. - And I'm Chuck. - I'm Alex. - And I'm Josh. - And we are in 1st Samuel 23 talking about, man, David is on the run again. I was thinking about this. I remember one time running from a group of guys that were trying to beat me up. - When I was-- - Oh my gosh. - When I was in Philly. - Yeah, yeah. - Just jump right into the defense. - Stop, stop, stop.

- But here's the thing, I was, here's what came to mind. Like, for me, that run was about 60 seconds. And I'm just thinking about David being on the run, somebody wanting to kill him for years. And just how that would just drain at a person. And in the fear and the constant, like you're always on the lookout. And so in this chapter, we're seeing more of that. But something powerful, I think happens for David to help him with that real fear through his friendship with Jonathan. So we're gonna get to that. But I just wonder, have you had that feeling of fear? What does that feel like when you're, and it doesn't have to be getting chased from somebody, you have, but what does your look like when it manifests in your life? - Did you get beat up? - I did not get beat up. That's a whole other story of how I got rescued. - Great, I was not gonna be able to be on. That's why we had the answer to that. - Oh, I'm glad I'm glad you carried theirs. - Yes. - Okay, great. - I, part of my story is sort of growing up as fear being sort of baked into me. And it wasn't until much later in life that someone explained to me the thing about fear and anxiety specifically, as a result of trauma,

is you, if you know anything about water heaters, they're on a water heater. Do you know anything about a water heater? - Josh, do I look like I would know if so on a water heater, if you have one, there's something got a pressure release valve. And if they function well, if ever pressure builds up in your water tank, it goes, so it doesn't explode. And what was explained to me is when you grow up in an environment of fear and anxiety, that pressure relief valve gets broken. And so all you ever feel is the extreme release and just constant sort of exploding, if you will. - Wow. - Yeah. - And so that is, and I understand it now, like when fear anxiety come up, I remember, hey, that's a real thing. It's not, you didn't make it up. And this is how you deal with it. You recognize that it's there and don't run from it. - I think that's so good, 'cause I think sometimes we can say, well, fear is imaginary. - It's not. - It's not. - It's not. - It's not. - It's not, it's a real thing that people wrestle with and fear, I can agree with that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - And you're right, I think it does bubble up more or like, manifest or explode larger? If that makes sense, or in different ways,

if you suppress it down to start, like it's going to come out at some point or in some way, and the more and more you shove it down, the more and more that pressure builds like you were talking about, and then it's just gonna explode. - It's gonna be expensive. - I agree that, I would say that was my upbringing. I was raised by a lot of people that said, you're not getting close enough to God then if you're still afraid. They were almost saying it, you must not be close. - Right, right. - Close enough because that fear is still in you. And the way you just said the reaction is different is so real, because I don't think I was, I had a reason to be angry so much as a kid, but it came out in anger. - Yeah, yeah. - Because I did so much of the, I guess I need to be closer to God and reject the fear that is, like you said, it's inevitable, that's a human. - Exactly. - Part of the design, right? - That's exactly right, it's part of the design. It really is, man, that's so good. And so when I think about this story, the thing that I would say is likely true of all of us and all of you, as you think about your fear, fear always tells you you're alone. That's what fear ultimately does. It tells you you're alone.

Whatever the thing is, no one's coming to help you. No rescue is coming, you are alone. Therefore be afraid, be afraid, be very afraid. I think that's why this is actually one of my favorite parts in this story of David. 'Cause in this chapter in First Name of 23, verse 15, And David was in the wilderness of Zephyr Huresh. David is alone, he feels alone, he's in the wilderness, right? And it says, in Jonathan, Saul's son rose and went to David at Huresh and strengthened his hand in God. And he said to him, "Do not fear, "for the hand of Saul, my father, shall not find you. "You shall be king over Israel, and I shall be next to you." Saul, my father knows this. And the two of them made a covenant before the Lord, and David remained at Huresh, and Jonathan went home. And I love that phrase, he came and strengthened his hand in the Lord. He didn't come and fix it. - Right. - He didn't come and say, "Hey, I killed my dad," or "my dad died, and now you don't have to be afraid." He just said, "David, you're not alone." - That's right. - And he said, "I still see in you what God promised to you, "and I think when that happens for you, "I'm gonna be right with you. "I'm with you now and I'm with you." And I just think there's something there for us about how God meets us in our fear.

So how does that happen for you? Maybe an example of how God has strengthened your hand in the midst of a fearful situation. - Yeah. Well, I feel like my biggest fear is being alone. Like that's not like spiders or snakes or the dark. It's just, it's like being alone. Like I have this, I think deep fear of like, when my parents die, or if my husband leaves with my kids and they get in a car crash and like, I just have a fear of being alone. And I have been in times in my life where I felt really alone. I have been in a time in my life where Cameron, my husband, was not living in our house and I was pregnant and was like, "I'm gonna have to do this parenting thing alone." And I think how God met me there was, I don't ever think I really grasped onto, kind of like you were saying, or Turo, people always say, "Well, God is always with you. "You're never alone." And I'm like, what does that even mean? Like, I don't, I hear you, I don't feel that way. And so I do think I felt the presence of God in a way that maybe I never had before because I truly felt alone. And so I think he met me there. But also, I think I recognized and saw friends and family and people, co-workers in my life who came around me

in a way that was so unique and that I recognized in a way that maybe I wouldn't have before because of that feeling of being alone. And they showed up for me and I wasn't. I was not alone. - Yeah, that's so good. That's so good. Yeah, love with skin on. We often talk about that. Like God sends people. - Yeah. - He sends people to me. - Yeah, that's definitely true for me. - The tangible presence, that's so good. - Well, and I think, going back to what you said, like I have, I can think of all kinds of moments, but the thing that occurs to me right now is what God, what I have learned about God with things like fear and suffering is it's not that, so I'll pray, can you do something about this and something doesn't happen? I've stopped praying that way. Not because I don't believe, but now I pray, God, give me what I need to endure this. Give me what I need. So instead of just don't be fearful. The Lord's like, let me just show you some true things. Let me show you some true things and let me give you what you need to be in the wilderness to suffer well.

I think that is what I understand about God now. - Yeah. Man, I love that. I love that. Yeah, 'cause we do these weekly and guess what? Dave's gonna be in the wilderness all week. - That's right. - He's not getting out of the wilderness this week. - Yeah. - And for him, it was me, it was right. He has more alert. But I love that, but God knew that he needed something and he was like, I'm sending Jonathan 'cause I know that's what you need to be in the wilderness. - And all Jonathan could do is be with you. That's it. That's all he's got. I don't have any other answer than to sit in the mud with you. - That's exactly right. - Well, it almost feels like sometimes, at least this has been true for me and I think it's true of this story. I feel like sometimes we're forced to face our fears in order to do whatever it is that God is asking us to do later. Like we, I think he had to confront whatever it is that God needed him to confront in that and for Jonathan to affirm that, like I needed to confront that fear of being alone in order to move forward with other things in my life.

- That's exactly right. - And so I think sometimes we have to face that fear in what we do with it and how we choose to respond to it directly affects how we will respond to it when it inevitably comes back up again. - Yeah, that's so good. It makes me think of, you know, you talked about not being afraid of spiders or snakes. But you know how they help people who have a real strong fear of that? It's called exposure therapy. - Exposure therapy, yeah. - So what they do is in small doses and in safe spaces, they get you close to a snake. And first it's just like, hey, there's a snake in the next room. Ah, you know, okay, that's it today. You can leave, you know. Next day, that snake in the next room, we're gonna bring it into the room. Ah, okay, then it goes away. Okay, now we're gonna let the snake stay in the room. Okay, now we're gonna open the thing, but we're not gonna, you don't have to touch it. And over time, you get to the point where you're actually able to handle the snake or whatever the thing is. God does that all the time. - Yeah, he does. - In our lives with our fear.

And so, you know, maybe today, you're thinking about something that you're feeling fear around. Do not be surprised if what God does is not remove the fear. But in fact, invites you to sit with him in the fear and kind of does an exposure therapy work in your own heart and in your own life. And in doing that, may God send you a Jonathan, somebody who can also strengthen your hand in the midst of what you're going through. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)