Before Your Emotions Make the Decision | 1 Samuel 18

And so, job opportunities and advancement and things were all based on you looking better than other folks. Many times I was that way, that it would be like, "Oh, I want to look better than -- so I get the better job opportunity and thing." But if I trusted God to say, "Actually, He has a plan and it's going to happen regardless of whether I'm seen this way or then I'd be more willing to say, "Okay, it doesn't have to mean I win and you lose," type of thing. All levels could rise. This is the Crossroads Daily. No experts, no perfect people, just honest conversations about what happens when the Bible shows up in real life. Hi, I'm Chuck. I'm Jamie. I'm Vivian. I'm Mich. And we're looking at first Samuel today, this narrative that tells the early story of the early kings of Israel and we're kind of getting into the meat of David's story. But yet, King Saul is still in the throne and he's jealous. Can I just say that? He's jealous. There's an old new edition song that talks about there's a jealous girl in our town. There's a jealous king in our town in this story. And we'll get into that because where do you think Saul went wrong? I mean, I feel like Saul is a cautionary tale in lots of ways and his story does not end well in the Bible, but where do you think he went wrong and what does it teach us about where we might go wrong? I think it's in his character on the start. He's probably an insecure person and he cares more about how he's seen and how other people think about him than he is really about the role God's called him to. Yeah, I think there's an identity piece there where he always thinks that he is the king.

And the thing that looking forward when David becomes king is he recognizes him as the king of the land, but that God is king and submitting to him and so every jealousy effort in this chapter that I read comes from the fact that he thinks, no, no, everybody needs to submit only to me, the people sing of I killed thousands, David killed 10 to thousands, it really shouldn't have mattered because all of it was for the Lord to begin with, but it affects him that way. The other thing I honestly have some compassion towards Saul is nobody told him, nobody was around him to tell him, I mean, Samuel was, I should say, but I'm just curious, did he have friends that he could truly also just submit to in a way to understand who he really was. It was not just the king of the sky, like no, you were a person who was loved and cared for not because you're a king, but because you're a friend or, you know, that's an interesting that's a great question because weirdly David is given that kind of friend and it's saw son. Right. I mean, again, if there's any unlikely friendship in the Bible, it's this one. Yeah. Right. I mean, basically David's elevation meant Jonathan saw son's demotion. Yep. Right. Jonathan was the rightful king, like the way it all would work, his dad lives his life, dies on the battlefield or whatever, and then Jonathan's the king of Israel. And yeah, I love how the Bible says that God knit their hearts together. There's a powerful friendship they shared. I want to, I want to get back to that friendship, but like, can you relate to the jealousy side of Saul? Like I'll be honest, you know, like in the work that I do, it's really easy to compare myself to other communicators, to other teachers. Like I, you know, I get an opportunity to teach and I teach in large settings.

And so there are lots of times when I am listening to other pastors or teachers, because I want to like learn, and then there's times when I'm listening and I'm just jealous. Something like, why did I think of that? Like I could, why couldn't I, why couldn't I fall to that? When I did that message on that same topic and it's easy for me to be in a jealous place. And it's something that honestly, I have to continue to check my heart around, because that could be a really dark place for me. The comparison. And it is about what you said, Vivian, where I'm more concerned about how I look than just being faithful to what God has called me to do. But I think there has to do with a trust issue in a way too, because a place that I used to work at, you were very much like ranked and compared versus your peers. And so, job opportunities and advancement and things were all based on you looking better than other folks. And so, if I was reliant, and many times I was that way, that it would be like, oh, I want to look better than, so I get the better job opportunity and thing. But if I trusted God to say, actually, He has a plan and it's going to happen regardless of whether I'm seen this way or... it doesn't have to mean I win and you lose type of thing. - Yeah, 'cause Paul saw was playing a zero-sum game, right? - Zero-sum game versus like, there's abundance. - Right, all levels could rise. - Exactly. - That's really good. What do you think about the friendship that David had with Jonathan? - It's beautiful. - It is, man. - It is. - You've talked about it a lot.

I feel like recently, especially. And it's, I think everybody needs a Jonathan and I think everybody needs to be a Jonathan. - That's right. - That's right. - Yeah, like, just Jonathan's willingness to, it's kind of what you just said to say like, God has called you to something and I as your friend just want to support you. I just want to cheer you on. Who's been a Jonathan in your life? Who's been a cheerleader for you? I think I know maybe one of the names you might mention, but like, who's been a cheerleader for you in your life? - Well, I'm a really good friend named Usha, who, yes. We've done a lot of things together and then the things that I've stepped forward on some things where I'm not sure that I'm actually qualified or capable and she's constantly the cheerleader saying, "Oh yeah, no, no, you can do this." And because I think I do look not only to God, I do look to other people, that positive affirmation from somebody who knows me well. So she has no preconceived notions that I'm perfect. - That's right, that's right. - But knowing who I am and her belief in me helps me to be more courageous. - That's so good. That's so good. How about you, Jamie?

- I have a few Jonathans in my life. My little sister's about to get married, so that's the one I'll, I should just call her my sister, she's 33 years old. (laughing) - She's not little, she's not a little grown adult. - Your little sister will always be your little sister. - I know, that's her idea. She probably has an opinion, but Danielle is, since our adult friendship, 'cause when we were kids, I'm the older sister, she's a little sister, y'all know the dynamics. But she's the person who, like, I don't know, it's almost like she'll get a sense when I'm wrestling with something or I need encouragement. And then out of the blue, I get the phone call or I get the text, we talk on the phone most days in the week, sometimes twice, especially right now with wedding planning, but it's just this thing of like, I begrudge her no, I want the best for her. Like, I hope I'm a Jonathan to her too. I want everything and her success in no way like dims the things that I've got going on in my life. I mean, I think that's the switch between like, yes, there are plenty of people that I'm jealous of, because I think that there's, I feel like I'm missing out on something that should have been mine.

And so there's like an identity and a heart piece and that's like, well, first off, I'm owed nothing, but I can get into this place of selfishness where I think I am, and that's when jealousy rears its head. But when I look at Danny, I don't, my sister's a corporate lawyer. Like, we live very different lives. Like, if I could easily be jealous of her, and instead, I'm just like, I want to see her shine way more than I want to see myself shine. And I think it's the like, how I choose to view the person in front of me. Am I viewing them through the lens of what I don't have that scarcity mindset? Or can I view them through the lens of who God sees them as? And then, and I feel like case by case, I'm holding up different lenses. - Yeah, yeah. I love that. I think that's a great lens for all of us. I love the lenses thing. Like, a lens is like, if there's someone that I'm genuinely able to cheer lead their success, it probably means I'm in a place of trusting God for what he's doing in my life that it doesn't have to be exactly what he's doing in theirs. And then I can really be a genuine cheerleader for them. I think that's so good. So, Miesh, like, what about you, friendships or? - Yeah, I mean, the one that comes to mind immediately

is my friend Grant. And he's someone who I submit to literally because I report to him. And man, he's just the biggest cheerleader. And it's so cool. He's the biggest cheerleader for like so many people I know. And so many of those people have reported to him, do report to him. It's an amazing skill that he has. But one of the things I think I've learned from him is that level of like all boats rise is like, there is no jealousy. I don't see jealousy in his heart because he truly believes that the Lord has gifted everybody an ability. God has given everybody an ability to use the skill set, to have his skill set to use it, to bless the world. And to make it look more like God's kingdom. The verse says that Jonathan loved David as his own soul. And I just think that's such a beautiful picture of what friendship can be, right? It's very sweet. It is sweet. Like for these two people who are going to war, killing people, it's like a picture of sweetness, which I love. It really is. And I'll just even talk to that, 'cause I think there are some who have looked at this friendship and I think read things into it that I don't see her there, you know?

I don't think their attraction was sexual in the sense that we think of sexual. And there are some people who read it that way. I don't read it that way. I read it as like in the fullness of friendship, in the fullness of love, there can be the kind of self-sacrificial soul connection that often we think can only live in the context of a marriage. And in some ways, we're called as the church to love one another like our own soul. So in some ways, that's the way we're supposed to be in if you wanna call it brotherly, sisterly friendship with one another too, which is so interesting to think about just the depths of relationship. And so I don't know if you have a Jonathan in your life. I hope you do. If you do, I think you should just tell him thank you. You know, I'm always amazed that when you think people know how much you appreciate them, but then when you tell them, it means so much to us. So man, just do that today if you have one. And if you don't have someone in your life like that, I just wanna pray for you. And my prayer, and I can keep my eyes open when I pray, I have to close my eyes. So I've been praying now. My prayer would be that you would find someone for whom you could share that kind of relationship, wherever you are, wherever you find yourself, that you would find someone who you can love

and who loves you as their very own soul. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)